Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

QuoProQuid posted:

yeah. my family in ohio, who had previously been minimizing the outbreak, are now in a panic. grocery stores emptying out. businesses shut down.

it also probably doesn't help that the president of the united states is wasting time doing stupid, evil, dumbfuck things like this:

https://twitter.com/KBAndersen/status/1239227651027501057

Now, your President can't be THIS dumb and evil can he Amerigoons?

# ¿ Mar 15, 2020 22:52

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 00:04

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/17/us/kentucky-refused-quarantine-coronavirus-trnd/index.html

MUH FREEDOMS

# ¿ Mar 17, 2020 20:28

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

https://www.cnn.com/videos/health/2020/03/17/clearwater-beach-spring-break-coronavirus-mxp-vpx.hln

Amerigoons....

Why is your country and your people so loving stupid sometimes?

Take a wild guess where the next hot spot will be

# ¿ Mar 17, 2020 22:26

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

First case in my apartment complex today

Rip nice knowing you goons

# ¿ Mar 23, 2020 01:35

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Mnoba posted:

quick, go on a poo poo posting spree for the ages while you still can

Been shitposting since 2003 aint no stopping me now

# ¿ Mar 23, 2020 01:54

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

What I'm curious about is comparing Canada to the US.

The usual back of the napkin math is Canada is 1/10th of the USA population.

Canada has 2100 cases right now. So in theory the states should have 21000. They have 46000.

Why is there such a gap from the American perspective?

# ¿ Mar 24, 2020 16:11

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Justin Trudeau just announced a 2000$ per month stipend to any Canadian who lost their job, as well as a top-up to the childcare benefits

You apply, get approved and you get the money within 10 days (canadian money printer go brrrrrrrrrrrr,eh?)

Hmmm no mention of businesses or bailouts :hmmyes:

No divisions among provincial voting lines

Reassured stock on ppe's and ventilators is adequate and more are on order while also exploring repurposing shut down businesses to produce medical products.

This is very similar to the American response right?

stab fucked around with this message at 17:27 on Mar 25, 2020

# ¿ Mar 25, 2020 17:22

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

500000 people we are aware of positive, 22000 deaths

America is 200 people away from passing Italy

Man USA, you know you don't have to be #1 at everything

# ¿ Mar 26, 2020 17:27

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

mrfart posted:

Sorry, bit late, but what was the trump ‘half’ insult suppose to mean?

Because the senators or governor or whatever name is whitmer or something

Half-whit

Really biting stuff from the Orange Goblin

Edit: drat YOU GOOGLE BUTT

# ¿ Mar 28, 2020 22:16

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Bronze Fonz posted:

Remember ~~that time~~ yesterday when the US just outright paid cash for a planeload of masks that were destined to France?
Today, a shipment of 10,000 masks that had just arrived in Quebec got "mysteriously" re-routed to Ohio by DHL.

https://www.journaldemontreal.com/2020/04/03/des-masques-pour-le-quebec-detournes

This is like the grown-up version of fighting over TP.
Also loving stop doing that.

Yeah like America, this is a good way to hasten your demise. Buy your own loving masks jfc

# ¿ Apr 2, 2020 19:20

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Desperado Bones posted:

Hey guys, I just wanna say I hate people in my country -not boomers for everyone's surprise- who believe the coronavirus is fake news, a made up trick to control them and that using masks is useless while you are healthy while forgetting that you can catch that poo poo and not show symptoms for a while.

Oh yeah, it's also party time and they want to gather in beaches and drink beer because all the malls were closed down and the government is evil for trying to keep them alive.

I so loving angry because these assholes are gonna get sick and occupy a bed in a hospital and kill the health system. gently caress.

Dont forget theyre also going to infect people who took the right precautions and theyre going to die for it

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 03:56

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

https://www.google.com/covid19/mobility/

Anybody see this? Cool comparison of a province by province or state by state basis.

Lots of charts to see what states are going to kill you because they are dumbfucks!

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 19:09

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Pennywise the Frown posted:

That's pretty neat. Retail is down 61% and work is down 34% in my city. Yikes.

Movement trends, not sales, using googles big data you know where they dont give a gently caress about your privacy.

And its compared to the baseline traffic before this poo poo started.

Provinces that have doubled the use of parks...wtf are you doing assholes stay inside

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 19:22

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Lotti Fuehrscheim posted:

Why are you so dysfunctional with your voting procedure.

It is almost as bad as the Republican Roman system, where on the first day the nobility voted, then on subsequent days the ever lower classes of the city would queue, but in practice voting was considered conclusive long before everybody had their turn.

But it really looks like the USA is drifting towards a similar system.

I look at is the Americans have a two party system they're trying really hard to make a one party system.

And their health care is LOL.

sorry American goons I still love you but the optics are terrible haha

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 00:46

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Alan Smithee posted:

*Zoom Chat*

Jared: "What do you guys think about pool Chlorine as a possible treatment? Vince? Vince?"

Vince:

# ¿ Apr 15, 2020 03:00

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Bleusilences posted:

edit : NVM I think I am just having a panic attack, sorry about that.

Calme toie big

Ya rien a faire a part prendre ca une journee a fois tse

stab fucked around with this message at 13:21 on Apr 22, 2020

# ¿ Apr 22, 2020 13:16

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Bleusilences posted:

I live in Quebec and we finally got some number under the 100 and zero death. I am hopeful that things stay that way here for awhile. I am still going to wear a mask, especially since I commute by bus.

Man comment tu la manque dans ton post!!!

We had 69 cases yesterday!

Je te laisse le layup pour completer le shitpost

# ¿ Jun 23, 2020 04:21

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Another Bill posted:

chaque fois que j'entends le covid19 je me trouve perdu en pensant du Big Bird

Larry mon larry

# ¿ Jun 23, 2020 11:59

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

https://nationalpost.com/news/most-canadians-want-border-with-u-s-to-remain-closed-for-now-poll-says

83% of Canadians want the border to stay closed, and this article is 6 weeks old before you guys exploded AGAIN.

Remember without the border and trade it cripples the Canadian economy.

Yet here we are not saying hurrrrrrr economy 1st!

So uhh, no insult intended my Amerigoons, but why is your country so loving stupid?

# ¿ Jun 28, 2020 00:22

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:

i think it has to do with our whole country being built on native peoples burial grounds. have you ever seen poltergeist. imagine that but like everywhere

Same here man but we aren't cramming beaches full when 9000 people in your shitwater state is getting Covid per day like what the gently caress where are the brains

# ¿ Jun 28, 2020 00:37

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

I was under the impression Trump knew about that drug since he is a shareholder in the major manufacturer of it?

Not an American so it's kinda hard to keep track of your President's bullshit and lies

# ¿ Jun 29, 2020 16:43

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

deep dish peat moss posted:

hi all I live in maricopa county, arizona, the world's #1 covid-19 pandemic hot spot, ask me anything

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/08/briefing/arizona-mary-trump-facebook-your-wednesday-briefing.html

How is Sheriff Joe handling law and order

# ¿ Jul 9, 2020 00:48

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Belgium were pretty much the only country who tried to be absolutely pedantic with their numbers and included all the known covid deaths, the probable deaths and the likely deaths and their per capita death rate is the highest in the world
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/belgium/

I read somewhere that if they'd used the same criteria as the rest of Europe their rate would be roughly cut in half

Canada also adopted a system similar to Belgium's reporting which is why you see them presenting similar numbers per population as their brethren to the south ahahaha i can't type this with a straight face

# ¿ Jul 18, 2020 16:49

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

How the gently caress does a cop have any jurisdiction over a medical emergency

Holy poo poo in my country the medical edicts supercede the authority of the Governor

What in the gently caress is wrong with you America

# ¿ Aug 12, 2020 23:50

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Philthy posted:

Made coffee this morning and as I looked out the window saw a parent taking his two kids to school.

What. The. gently caress.

Not the same everywhere, but in my province it's still mandatory to take your kid to school. If we choose not to, we have to pull them out for the entire year, follow the school circirulum and basically put in 40 hours a week on teaching them while holding down full time jobs in which several parents have to go into offices to work.

It sucks and it's a poo poo show that a lot of us are stuck in.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2020 18:45

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Crackbone posted:

So fun update, they announced today they're going back to all-virtual because there are so many teachers and students out on quarantine. So less than two weeks before it all went to poo poo.
BUT, they're committed to restarting in-person schooling on Dec. 1st.

Morons. loving Morons.

What province is that?

Quebec. Shockingly, we lead Canada with the amount of infections and deaths. No, they never planned to roll out online schooling to the elementary schools.

They just announced "hey maybe we will tack on two weeks of closure at Christmas, maybe"

# ¿ Nov 13, 2020 20:24

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Picnic Princess posted:

Yep, Alberta. Every day I feel better about staying isolated. Loving my hermit life right now.

Jason Kenney is one of the absolute worst pieces of poo poo in politics but because he has power over a relatively small number of people, he's not really known for it outside of Canada.

Jason Kenney is essentially Mitch McConnell for our American folks playing at home

# ¿ Dec 4, 2020 22:40

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Bronze Fonz posted:

Oh great, Quebec was above 1k a day for a while now and today's number is nearly 2k...

Initially people would've been allowed to gather over the holidays. (no, it didn't make any sense but people are loving babies so you gotta give them something so they stop crying)
Number kept going up so they backtracked on that and gatherings will be forbidden.
Of course there's still gonna be assholes who do it and our january numbers will see 2k as the new baseline.

I know of at least 12 families that plan on defying the order.

You're being very generous with a 2k baseline. I'm expecting 3-4k with a "you loving idiots" from Legault with a lockdown until the vaccines come so we can stop being loving morons.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2020 20:58

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Another Bill posted:

Canadian CHUDs are all over social media complaining that we're LAST IN LINE and THE PRIME MINISTER HAS BLOOD ON HIS HANDS meanwhile we approved ahead of the United States, started our first inoculations yesterday and plan to have the entire eligible population vaccinated by the end of September.

In conclusion, gently caress CHUDS everywhere.

And we bought enough doses to vaccinate the entire country like what, 5 times over?

Canadian Chuds are truly as dumb as their American cousins.

# ¿ Dec 15, 2020 21:51

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Quebec goes into full lockdown except essential businesses from the 17th to the 11th.

Img this is fine dot jpg

# ¿ Dec 16, 2020 00:01

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Twat McTwatterson posted:

why wouldn't they be?

Socialism

# ¿ Dec 16, 2020 04:14

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

poverty goat posted:

can we call it the england virus now

Boris-19

# ¿ Jan 2, 2021 19:38

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Picnic Princess posted:

I can't keep track of all the Canadian politicians resigning over going on international Christmas vacations

Alberta is going to Alberta. ALWAYS.

# ¿ Jan 5, 2021 04:41

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

I just finished a 2 week isolation 3 days ago due to a direct exposure (tested negative)

My kid gets the email today of a direct exposure in her class today. 2 weeks of isolation.

The cirrrrrcccllleeeeee of lliffffeeeeee

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 14:46

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Guess who just finished an isolation last week because he was exposed via his hairdresser?

This guy.

Guess who just got an email with a positive case in his kids class?

This guy.

Theeeee ciiiiirrrcccllleeeeeee of iisssooolllaaaatttiiiooonnnn

# ¿ Jan 19, 2021 15:42

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

withak posted:

On the plus side, your hair probably looks better than everyone else's here.

It doesn't

i had gone 6 months without a haircut and it was the first time i left my fn house in 3 months.

Followed protocol had a mask and a visor on and welp, didn't matter. (I tested negative but Public Health directives stay the same, you get exposed=you stay home for 2 weeks even with a negative result)

I literally have seen 3 people in 6 months. My wife, kid and the ONE time i left the house to get rid of the monstrosity.

I'm kicking myself as much as I'm getting dogpiled trust me.

Also for context, I'm not American. The cases are bad here but my province is still solidly below the shitshow results the States are having

stab fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Jan 19, 2021

# ¿ Jan 19, 2021 20:54

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Inept posted:

If your hairdresser was wearing a mask you might be ok

if not, why would you go in

Mask and faceshield on both ends.

AARP LARPer posted:

And it worked out fantastically for you, didn’t it?

Is there a reason why you're being a dick? I took the necessary precautions as listed by my public health, followed all the proper protocols, got unlucky, and then followed all the directives as per my government.

It's more a cautionary tale of how you can be unlucky even with a small amount of risk assumed. I agree that it wasn't entirely necessary 100%, and I was expressing my frustration at how one fn haircut locked me up for 2 weeks.

For context, my province infection rates is only outperformed by Hawaii currently. And I'm not in a major metropolitan city so the infection rates is a tenth of what's listed. For the day i was exposed, my city declared THREE cases. I was exposed by one of the 3.

I will go full goon and lock myself in forever trust me.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2021 21:45

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Hippie Hedgehog posted:

What I'm wondering is, how the hell do you cut the hair of someone who's wearing a mask and visor?

When the hairdresser got next to each ear I'd remove the mask around my ear and hold it in place. When they were done, we would stop and readjust my mask while the hairdresser would be at a distance.

For the visor part, same principle when working around the band.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2021 22:15

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

freebooter posted:

That's not how it works. In terms of doing your own personal risk assessment for how safe/unsafe your area is, "active cases" is a much more important measurement than "new cases," and from that you need to think about how many undiagnosed cases are also floating around.

Anyway I don't understand why anyone wouldn't just embrace the full-on hair and beard growth opportunity. By the time Melbourne hit elimination I looked like Tom Hanks in Castaway, which is to say like absolute dogshit, but who cares if you're not seeing anyone anyway?

At the time of exposure, my city's rate was 5.3 per 100000. (So roughly 1/200th of Arizona's I think)

Yeah.

My work is public facing even remotely so as much as I want to go full Micheal J Fox in Teen Wolf I kinda have to keep a certain degree of upkeep (which I hate and agree with you and want to go Full Metal Hobo but I can't

)

stab fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Jan 19, 2021

# ¿ Jan 19, 2021 23:51

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 00:04

stab: Feb 12, 2003; To you from failing hands we throw the torch, be yours to hold it high

Nam Taf posted:

Is it even possible to do this without touching the contaminated outer surface of your mask? I mean, that's why there's a specific method for removing them, so you don't contaminate your hands and then spread it through contact.

withak posted:

Touch whatever part of your mask you want, then wash your hands.

This.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2021 03:43

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