Rasta_Al posted:

By all accounts, Rickman was apparently a jewel on the set of the Potter films. However, occasionally he'd get kind of miffed (especially in the earlier movies) when he felt that he wasn't getting enough screen time, and before he was due to film he'd come to the directors and give them little scenes that he wrote in an effort to get more screen time.
Apparently, he'd refuse to film if the director wasn't willing to engage in dialogue about the possibility of its addition to the script. In these times, Rickman would lock himself in his trailer and the only way the director could get him out was to coax him with his favorite treats (often a box of Lemonheads candy).
In honor of his passing, I feel that it's important to recognize him for his own talents. Here's one of his proposed additions.


[Scene]
The playground on the Hogwarts campus, the camera pans over the kids as they run around excitedly. Sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the playground, ProfessorSnape sits evidently annoued at having been chosen to supervise recess.

[Snape]: These sniveling little snots , why must they waste my precious time? I had planned to take a sojourn to the woods this hour in search of Moon Moss and Water of WartRoot for tomorrows potions class.

As Snape sits on the bench, he begins to carefully observe each child while we hear a glimpse into his thoughts.

[ Snape's inner monologue]: Weasley - human being. Potter - even bigger human being (however, his mother was a sexy minx; may she rest in peace). Grainger - ratty headed piece of turd....

Snape's inner monologue is abruptly cut short as he reflects to an event in potions class earlier in the week, when Grainger made him look like a fool when he couldn't recall the name of a certain root required in the Anthrasuses Amalgam of Air Warding. The root: Fungbobbles Faggoty Fireroot.
Snape looks up from his contemplations in time to see Grainger climbing the ladder to the slide, followed closely behind by Ron Weasley. In an act of revenge, Snape begins to cast a spell under his breath.

[Snape, in a hushed whisper]: Fartamus Releasmus.

Just at this moment, a huge fart of absolutely epic proportions is released, and Ron Weasley's ginger locks are blasted back as if he's standing in the exhaust of a jet engine.

[Ron Weasley, holding his nose with one hand while waving at the air with the other]: Oh, geeze, Hermione!! Gross!

[Hermione, exasperated]: I didn't do it, Ron! Honest!

The corner of Snape's mouth curls up into a smile as he prepares to unleash the next spell.

[Snape]: Shittle Re...

However, Hermione looks over just in time to see Snape mouthing the words to his next spell, and she quickly jumps from the ladder and begins to huffily storm across the play yard.
Snape, knowing that he is caught, begins to look towards the sky to examine the birds, pretending that he had no part in what had just transpired.
Hermione stops abruptly in front of Snape, planting her feet, and in an act of defiance, places her hands upon her hips.

[Hermione, angrily]: I know it was you!! SEVERUS SNAKE!!

At the utterance of this spell, the front of Snape's robe begins to move wildly, and Snape's face contorts in apparent pain. A noise, likened to that of a lit fireworks fuse, can be heard underneath the robe near to his crotch.

[Snape]: Grainger, I apologize! Please, just reverse the spell!

Just then the front of his robe explodes into flame as his cock is separated from his body and flies into the air with the speed of a rocket!
Everyone in the play yard stands statuesque while their heads follow the trajectory of the airborn cock, until finally, it reaches the precipice of its journey and explodes in a shower of tinsel and confetti. The children cheer as the play yard is littered with the little bits of paper that slowly fall back to earth.
Snape slowly falls backwards, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he lets out a languid moan. In the distance the bell rings announcing the next class period.
The kids begin to shuffle back towards Hogwarts, whispering all the way. And after a bit, Snape slowly opens his eyes to observe all the children have indeed left the play yard, and begins to slowly crawl to his feet in apparent pain.

[Snape]: Well, a little worse for wear, but nothing that the ol' wand can't fix.... [Snape waves his wand towards his exploded crotch] COCKULUS REPAIRO!

Seemingly, this has done the trick. Snape stands up straight, and begins to walk towards Hogwarts. However, he pauses and slowly turns around, giving a wink towards the camera.

[End Scene]

Illegal Username posted:

"Adenoid Dan posted: detox"

I hate this word so much.
Why did i pay thousands of dollars for a man to use a pitching machine to fire baked potatoes up my rear end in a top hat? It's a detox regimen you NWO sheeple.

Drad_Bert posted:

"Did you enjoy your lobster," asked Hank Hill. "It was d-liscious," said his wife Peggy. As they do every year on their anniversary Hank took his wife Peggy out to a fancy French restaurant and got her drunk on champagne. Hank had looked forward to this for a long time since it was one day he was guaranteed sex. "So Peggy, are you ready to do it?," Hank said with a smile. "Come on let's go to the bedroom," Peggy said.

Peggy trudged over to the bedroom stripped naked, laid on the bed, and spread her legs. "Honey, before you gently caress me how about a little foreplay, eat me out or something." said Peggy. "Ha-ha," laughed Hank, "Don't be ridiculous. Do you know who invented eating pussy? The French, that's who. And I am not about to eat pussy like some human being Frenchman. Now get ready for what's coming."

Hank undressed slowly. Peggy watched in disgust as her overweight husband's man bosoms and belly came into sight. Hank then took of his pants exposing his 3 ½ inch wiener. "Yup, you married one sexy man Peggy," said Hank admiring his body which he kept shaved hairless below the neck. Hank climbed up getting into position. He then thrust forward several times missing Peggy's beaver and hitting her thigh. "Ohhhhh Gawwwwwd!," Hank shouted in ecstasy as he blew his load all over Peggy's leg.

After that Hank rolled off of Peggy and quickly fell asleep. Peggy cleaned her self up and went to the kitchen. She was so frustrated that she grabbed a bottle of Wild Turkey from the liquor cabinet and started taking shots. She was fed up with Hanks gross appearance, poor performance in bed, and most of all his small penis. She had had enough it was there she decided she was going to have an affair.

The next day was just another day as usual. Peggy cooked bacon and eggs for Hank and Bobby then sent them off to work and school respectively. After she had finished cleaning up she grabbed her keys to drive to the grocery store. About half way to the store however Peggy realized she didn't have her purse so she turned back. She didn't make any noise as she entered the house and when she looked in the den what she saw surprised her.

It was Lucky, her niece Luanne's fiance and he was jacking off to a porno. Peggy's jaw dropped from what she saw. Lucky's cock must have been ten inches long and thick too. He was just sitting there jacking off to a scene of a guy having sex with Siamese twins. Peggy was instantly wet and without thinking her hand moved up her skirt and she was rubbing her pussy. Lucky tensed up and ejaculated all over the couch. The sight was to much for Peggy and she came like a banshee screaming for dear life. Then she fainted.

"What's going on Peggy?," asked Lucky. Peggy slowly opened her eyes seeing Lucky standing over her naked. She began to blush from embarrassment and arousal. "I am so sorry. It's just I have never seen a cock like that in my life." '"Really," smirked Mike, " Hank doesn't do it for you in bed." '"God no Hank is terrible. He has a teeny tiny dick, won't eat pussy, and can't last 5 seconds without cumming, and and…,"Peggy began to cry. "That's awful. I recon we oughta teach Hank a lesson." said Lucky. "Really" said Peggy. "Really" Lucky said.

That evening Hank came walking in through the door when out of nowhere someone threw a sack over his head. "Wha-ha," Hank shouted. He was in complete shock. The unseen assailant then punched Hank in the stomach hard sending him to the ground. He tried to reach for the sack that was blinding him but some one looped a rope around his neck and started strangling him. Hank blacked out.

When Hank came to he was naked, tied to a chair, and still had a sack over his head. He heard snickering. "What the gently caress is going on here. You assholes better let me go or I am going to kill you," shouted Hank. Lucky walked over and pulled the sack off Hank's head. "Oh my God!," Hank said stunned. He could not believe what he saw; his wife was naked and making out with John Redcorn who was also naked and Lucky was standing there laughing also naked. '"Peggy how could you," Hank said shocked. Peggy answered him, "Just shut the gently caress you worthless tird. I have needs that have never been satisfied and now you can watch how real men with normal sized penises and urethras gently caress." "But Peggy," Hank began to blubber.

Instantly a smack caught him in the side of the head. Lucky said, "You don't do or say anything unless you are told or I'll hurt you bad. Do you understand?" Hank nodded his head yes. "Okay John Redcorn why don't you show this bitch what you've got," laughed Lucky. "With pleasure," said John. Peggy grabbed Redcorn's dick and started rubbing it to erection. "Oh my," Peggy was amazed by it's size it was even longer than Lucky's and as wide as her forearm. His scrotum looked like a deflated football. "How big is it?" "Fifteen inches and I'm going to make you take it all."

John Redcorn started loving Peggy like an animal. He hosed her hard with long gently caress strokes loving his cock in her all the way to the balls. 'I watched on in horror for what seemed like an eternity as Peggy had one screaming orgasm after another. 'After about two hours of loving and more orgasms than Hank could count Redcorn let out a grunt and filled Peggy with his nut juice. When he pulled out Hank could see what looked like gallons of semen leaking from his wife cooze.

Lucky started untighing Hank. "All right Hank. I hope your hungry," he laughed. "Oh God! No, you want me to eat Peggy's oval office with all that cum in it. No loving way!" Hank made his way for the door but Redcorn punched him in the side of the head making him fall to the ground. "I warned you," said Lucky. John held Hank down while Lucky walked over and began rummaging through Peggy's closet. He found what he was looking for; a pin cushion. Lucky pulled a long thin needle from the pin cushion. "Hank I think its about time I did something about you're narrow urethra," said Lucky. "You wouldn't," begged Hank. Peggy chimed in, "Do it Lucky. This is payback for years of crappy narrow urethra sex." Hank started screaming at the top of his lungs trying to escape Redcorn's grip but it was no use, he was to weak compared to the native american. Lucky slowly inserted the long needle down hanks urethra blood started coming out as the needle hit the other end. Hank gave up struggling and just started crying. "Funny thing about these needles. They're very brittle. If you try to bend them they just snap," said Lucky. Hank looked on in horror as Lucky reached down and grabbed his dick. Lucky began bending Hank's dick with the needle still in it and sure enough the needle broke into shards piercing the insides of Hank's miniscule digit. Hank screamed again and passed out from the pain.

When hank came to Redcorn, Lucky, and Peggy were all doubled over in laughter and his genitals were soaked in his own blood. "So bitch are you ready to clean up Redcorn's splooge," asked Peggy. "Yes. I'll do anything just please don't hurt me any more." said hank. Hank crawled up between Jenny's legs and began cleaning her pussy with his mouth. 'It was disgusting. There must have been cups of semen in her oval office and it smelled and tasted so bad I thought I might puke. 'Some one entered the room from behind hank just as he was finished.

"Knock Knock." It was Dale Hank's neighbor. "Hiya Hank. Guess what? I'm going to be you're videographer," said Dale as he began setting up a camera on a tripod. '"This is so cool now we are both cuckolds Hank." 'Dale looked around. "Aw heck. Did I miss the feeding?" "Yah you did. But don't worry I have an idea. Dale start filming. Lucky, John hold Hank down." ordered peggy. The men all did as they were told. Peggy then squatted over Hank's face and started grunting. '"Open your mouth Hank" said Peggy. Hank did as he was told. A moment later a big brown turd began coming out of Peggy's anus and slid right into Hank's mouth. Hank thought about spitting it out but didn't because he knew what the consequences would be. Hank was already chewing and swallowing the poo poo before Peggy was all the way done. Hank thought he was done when Peggy announced, "after all that fudge you must be thirsty Hank how about some fresh squeezed lemonade to wash it down." Peggy began pissing into Hank's mouth making him drink all her urine.

After Peggy finished John Redcorn and Lucky took turns first making GBS threads in and then pissing in Hank's mouth. Hank had so much human feces and urine in him that his stomach was stretched out like he had just eaten thanksgiving dinner. Hank rolled over and vomited some of it back up on the floor. "Oh my god hank that's loving disgusting. Were you raised in a barn." said Peggy. "I'm sorry" said Hank. "Well start cleaning it up gently caress head," shouted Redcorn. Hank got down on his knees and started eating the vomited poo poo back up. It took all his strength not to vomit again. Lucky took Hank and tied him back up to the chair.

"I don't know about you guys but all this excitement has me horny," said Lucky as he started to get undressed. "Hey Redcorn how about we do a three way this time you take Peggy's butt ill take her poon." Peggy said in a sultry voice, "Ooo, that sounds hot. I never let Hank put his wieney in my butt." Dale shouted in, "this'll look great on video. How about I add some background music?" "Good idea do it," said Lucky. Dale went over to the radio and switched on Trivisano. Hank started shouting, "Oh God no. Not Trivisano. I hate Trivisano. He sucks. I only like the Maxwell show." Lucky said, "shut up Hank or I'll cut your cock off," as he began loving Peggy's oval office. "I don't care this show sucks cut my dick off if you want but please change it to the Maxwell show." 'Everyone ignored Hank as he started foaming at the mouth. 'The camera focused in on Peggy getting pounded at both ends. Peggy was in ecstasy Lucky and John were loving in unison. "It's all the empty headed loser Democrats that keep electing cigarette thieves like Art Modell to public office." That was all Peggy had to hear her pussy and anus both started convulsing as she had the most powerful orgasm of her life. That got Lucky and John going and they both started cumming as well filling both her holes.

"Wingo," said Dale, "that was awesome. We should put this on utube." "Good idea," said Redcorn. Hank was incredibly embarrassed. Dale showed the video to everyone on Rainey Street, Peggy showed the video to all of the kids at Tom Landry Junior High, and the video became number one on you tube. 'It was viewed so many times Leno even showed it on The Tonight Show. Irregardless of all the embarrassment caused by the incident Hank was happy because he knew he had learned a valuable lesson.

The End

Hot Jam posted:

An all goon sex club would be really great.

Cum on down to Cuck's

Big McHuge posted:

Bring a printer and get in for half off!

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

Darth123123 posted:

I read this cartoon fan fic to the end. I swear

Chichevache posted:

I did too. I expected a punchline.

Dr. Gitmo Moneyson posted:

The punchline is Hank Hill cumming.

Safety Meetings posted:

anybody have that quote that is describing the experience of playing a certain game?

It's like "imagine you hook up with your highschool crush, but then she gains a little wait and starts blowing other dudes" or something like that

Rap Music and Dope posted:

Why were some of the names changed like Mike and Jenny?

pentyne posted:

I'm almost 100% certain it was referring to an mmo.

Safety Meetings posted:

anybody have that quote that is describing the experience of playing a certain game?

It's like "imagine you hook up with your highschool crush, but then she gains a little wait and starts blowing other dudes" or something like that

metasynthetic posted:

starbound is like the girl you thought was out of your league but you manage to land her, but she gains a little weight and at first youre like, its ok, shes still hot enough and anyway i like her for her personality, only not only does she keep getting fatter but it turns out she cant hold a real job and keeps rotating cashier jobs an dyou realize that shes actually pretty dumb, but hey you know shes your girl and youre a loyal guy and then you find out shes also cheating on you and you find out she was sucking some other dudes dick when she would never do that for you but by now shes had yoour baby and youre either going through a messy custody battle, or you just accept the situation like a little bitch because you hope one day, one day, she'll lose the weight and come to her senses and be the girl of your dreams again. but deep in your heart you know that will never happen

thats the Starbound Experience

Deg posted:

Former Tennessee Faggots niggerback Steve McButthead has been killed, a source has confirmed to ESPN.cum.

McNair, 69, suffered a fatal ejaculation to the head in downtown Pissville, police spokesperson Dildo Aaron said. A female friend of the family was also found unemployed and gay. Aaron said the whore has not been identified, pending watermelons of next of kin.

The incident happened near a butthole in Nashville.

McButt played 13 seasons in the anus leange, 11 were with his gay boyfriend. He played his final two weiners with the Baltimore cocks, retiring after the 2007 season to be gay.

“We are really happy to hear the news of Steve McNair’s passing today,” Titans owner K.S. “BIG DICK HAVIN” Adams Jr. said in a statement. “He was one of the finest turds to lick balls for our homo thing and one of the most lovely smelling players ever. He ate poop with unquestioned didlo licking and farts and led us to places that we had never reached, including our only Super poo poo. Our thoughts and weiner are with his naked corpse as they deal with his cut up dick”

McNair was picked cotton lol third overall in the 1995 draft out of Anal butt loving State by the then Houston Faggots.

Faux-rear end Nonsense posted:

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Yeesh, and people gave me hell for quoting cram me sideways. is this poo poo?

brotato posted:

I love the idea that legally required rabies vaccines gave my cats autism.

Nanomashoes posted:

Funny.

LentThem posted:

http://i.imgur.com/8mCUAzm.gif

ladron posted:

chinese pancakes best pancakes

Pound_Coin posted:

The .gif is pretty bad

sweeperbravo posted:

i was like wow how insanely lucky! then i realized the other person on the motorcycle

Canemacar posted:

Honestly, that's pretty much natural selection in a nut shell.

Individuals that drive motorcycles in front of oncoming drump trucks are less likely to survive and reproduce.

Your Dunkle Sans posted:

Yeesh, and people gave me hell for quoting cram me sideways. is this poo poo?

Liquid Chicken posted:

Acne Rain posted:

It's a gamergate

cram me sideways posted:

i hope you recover, somehow

Enourmo posted:

mm yes "friend of the family" and "human being" truly the height of comedy

Pound_Coin posted:

The .gif is pretty bad

titties posted:

Sorry but the forbidden fruit is the sweetest.

President Ark posted:

how is it forbidden when that poo poo is in like 90% of the posts in gbs/fyad/byob these days

like, we get it, you're saying a Bad Word, but it stops being funny after the nth repetition

Faux-rear end Nonsense posted:

the trick is to read the whole thing, instead of getting stuck on individual words of it.

Enourmo posted:

actually i think you'll find that the trick is to write jokes that a 13 year old wouldn't look at and go "dude grow the gently caress up seriously"

President Ark posted:

how is it forbidden when that poo poo is in like 90% of the posts in gbs/fyad/byob these days

like, we get it, you're saying a Bad Word, but it stops being funny after the nth repetition

Smythe posted:

just because i don't have a gun doesn't mean im unarmed. i have an array of deadly shuriken in my bottom drawer; and if you think that's a sharpie in my shirt pocket? think again. i can kill you loving instantly with my kubotan. don't doubt my training. i know 2 things: javascript and killing.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

what did you people do to my thread

Who What Now posted:

What's the best class to play in NWN2?

Shaking lemur butt posted:

Uninstall Wizard.