scrubs season six posted:

It's not the porn. It's that the guys are retarded. Or extremely inexperienced. Or both.

loquacius posted:

I freely admit that I was working off of no knowledge of the exact thinking and approach you were making reference to and assumed it was guys thinking women love it when you bust in their faces or tear their clothing or something (e: or do the James Deen thing where you grab their cheeks and stare intensely into their eyes), but I am gonna say that if you're waiting for a guy who is not corrupted by porn and also isn't a fundie with really weird views RE sex for a multitude of non-porn-related reasons, you might be waiting a while.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

My girlfriend tells me to jerk it and has no qualms about it because we both know that the mood strikes us sometimes and it's perfectly healthy. I don't get these crazy weirdos who think that porn and masturbation is the worst thing ever. It's bizarre to shame people for the most normal thing in human history.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

My girlfriend tells me to jerk it and has no qualms about it because we both know that the mood strikes us sometimes and it's perfectly healthy. I don't get these crazy weirdos who think that porn and masturbation is the worst thing ever. It's bizarre to shame people for the most normal thing in human history.

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I [26M] slept with my best friend's sister [19F].

scrubs season six posted:

It's not the porn. It's that the guys are retarded. Or extremely inexperienced. Or both. As a non retard I can watch pornography without thinking that women want nine inch hog legs and the most appropriate place for semen is always in her eyeballs.

Pick posted:

I never said it was a dealbreaker or I assumed it wouldn't influence guys I was dating, just that I'm not a fan of ways I think it affects how men view women and sex. And even then, I think it would affect their thinking less if they were better at communicating with women generally. The big hurdle is honest communication, and men are socialized to not really engage in that way. Just the other week, I was hanging out with some friends of mine, chatting social this-and-that, at at hour five I cracked "Isn't it great that men also spend this much time discussing how to not hurt each other's feelings?" Big laughs .

quote:

So basically there's this girl in my stats class I've been crushing on for about a month or so. Cute, fun, seemingly my type, the usual nine yards. I decided to ask her out on a date to a local eatery since we've been talking a decent amount in and out of class. Unfortunately, when I asked(yes, I DID use the word 'date') she got apprehensive and gave a weak maybe saying she was really short on money. When I offered to pay on her behalf, she said I shouldn't need to do that.

Well, I probably should have stopped there, right? Take the fact she was trying to let me down easy. However, I've had girls give me excuses like that before, and today for some reason I just wasn't having it. I stay polite and maintain my cool, yet I go ahead and ask her something along the lines of this: "My question really isn't are you able to, it's do you want to? If you're not able but want to we can work something out, but if you don't want to, then that's okay too."

All of a sudden she seems to kind of lock up in place and get stiff, like I've struck a chord in her or something. She then gives me this quiet kinda tense voiced, "No, I don't." response. And I just say "Well, alright, later," and part ways with her. Definitely a bit of a painful/awkward situation.

Now I totally get I got rejected. Like I'm kinda bummed but she doesn't owe me anything. But I can't help but think I may have crossed a line by not taking the hint. Is this an appropriate way to ask a gal out in general? What do you guys think?

tl;dr: I ask a girl out. She gives an excuse that she isn't able to. I ask not if she's able to, but if she wants to. Girl then gets super uncomfortable and straight up turns me down. Is this an appropriate way to get a straight answer?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

My girlfriend tells me to jerk it and has no qualms about it because we both know that the mood strikes us sometimes and it's perfectly healthy. I don't get these crazy weirdos who think that porn and masturbation is the worst thing ever. It's bizarre to shame people for the most normal thing in human history.

loquacius posted:

A lot of guys are super insecure about their dicks because the measurement which is often tossed around by dumb teens as the bare acceptable minimum is higher than the statistical average, and you can't even talk about how hosed that is without people immediately thinking you have a tiny dick, even if your dick is as insanely large as mine is. But it also doesn't make sense to blame that 100% on porn.

Facebook Aunt posted:

Maybe those guys should buy their SO's a rabbit

Tolkien minority posted:

Was my [18 M] way of asking a girl [18 F] out on a date rude and/or inconsiderate


reddit response: op is basically a predator and should send her an apology on facebook

Tolkien minority posted:

Was my [18 M] way of asking a girl [18 F] out on a date rude and/or inconsiderate


reddit response: op is basically a predator and should send her an apology on facebook

Chomp8645 posted:

I don't see anything wrong with this exchange from either party.

quote:

Yes. You were incredibly rude. That sort of interaction is incredibly uncomfortable for many women because men (as a group) have a history of getting violent when they're shot down.
She was demurring and being vague and polite because that was what made her feel safe. When she "seems to kind of lock up in place and get stiff," that is you triggering her that you are potentially dangerous. That is you freaking her the gently caress out. That is her wondering if she says the wrong thing if she is going to get hurt.

Now, I get it. You're not violent. You would never hurt somebody who rejected you. But she doesn't know that. Lots of guys who have seemed reasonable have turned out not to be reasonable.
The truth is you already knew the answer. When she said she didn't want you to pay, she was telling you that she didn't want to go on a date with you. But you "weren't having it."

If you have some sort of social media contact, I would send her a short message saying, "Hey, in retrospect I recognize that was sort of an obnoxious thing for me to do, and I apologize." If you don't, let it lie unless she invites further conversation. Do not pressure her for her attention to apologize about how you pressured her.

Pick posted:

I don't--as I said, I think pornography reinforces it (heavily). So do jokes about small dicks, which is why I don't tell jokes about dick size even though they're still socially acceptable for some reason. But in return, it would be helpful if guys didn't say stuff like "I can't wait to see the tears in your eyes when you choke on it" because that's a big turn-off. (Or worse, the earlier daddy cummies in the no no zone or whatever the gently caress it was in the earlier story.)

Pick posted:

But in return, it would be helpful if guys didn't say stuff like "I can't wait to see the tears in your eyes when you choke on it" because that's a big turn-off.

Tolkien minority posted:

Was my [18 M] way of asking a girl [18 F] out on a date rude and/or inconsiderate


reddit response: op is basically a predator and should send her an apology on facebook

Tolkien minority posted:

uhhh op clearly triggered the girl p hard???? wats not to see

Pick posted:

But in return, it would be helpful if guys didn't say stuff like "I can't wait to see the tears in your eyes when you choke on it" because that's a big turn-off.

WampaLord posted:

Is this something normal guys say, or is this based on your awful history with men?

WampaLord posted:

Is this something normal guys say, or is this based on your awful history with men?

Regulation Size posted:

Also jesus christ shut up about porn.

WampaLord posted:

Is this something normal guys say, or is this based on your awful history with men?

Chomp8645 posted:

The redditor that posted this can suck my loving dick.


Also why in the world, if we take the premise that he DEEPLY TRIGGERED her at face value, would she want a follow up apology? That would just be even worse. The whole thing is best left alone at this point whether you think anyone wrong occurred or not.

quote:

So, this post will get down voted, but the reality is that she may well be telling you the truth.

Ask anybody who has spent time seeking anonymous hookups, and they'll tell you is that one of the biggest problems is that people flake. They get off on the fantasy of it, it charges them up, but they don't actually want to follow through .

It is a kind of extended role-play fantasy. This is not just true on craigslist and the like, it's something sex workers deal with all the time. A lot more people enjoy the fantasy of it than would actually consider going through with it.
Now, maybe she's not one of those people. Maybe she really did intend to cheat and decided not to because the people she was communicating with were unattractive. A
I find that unlikely (because if she wants a quick one-night stand there are easier ways for her to find an attractive guy to do that with) but we can't rule it out
.
But you asked if her explanation of her behavior was believable, and the answer is yes: it is extremely believable. The motivation she ascribes to herself is common. (Doesn't mean she's telling the truth, but she very well could be). Visual porn doesn't work for a lot of women they way it works for men, where textual porn does - and this could be a form of porn for her.

Now, that being said, she clearly has some unmet sexual needs here and if you want to keep seeing her, you guys need to be able to talk about that. Those unmet needs don't mean you're doing anything wrong (any more than you looking at porn would mean she's doing something wrong), but they are something you need to be able to talk about.

And maybe when you guys have that conversation, her honest answer will be "Well, look, sometimes I need to randomly exchange sexy messages with strangers to get off, and I'm never going to meet them," then you have decide if you're okay with that or not. You can not be okay with it, but recognize that probably means you guys are going to break up at some point.

But my advice would be, if you can get to a point where you believe her that she never intended to meet any of these people, that you give her the same sort of pass on random sexting that you want for watching porn (assuming you want one for watching porn).

Pick posted:

It's one I got, I don't remember the exact phrasing but it was like a second date so after that I just told him I wasn't interested in seeing him again.

I've gone on dates with loads of guys, but if anything my broken moron detector is too sensitive because I'm the one who tells them nah. Like maybe he was trying to do a bit or something, but I'm pretty straightforward and am going to take him at his word, in which case nah because if I choke I'm gonna barf. I don't want to spend the rest of my life barfing on some guy's dick all the time.

quote:

This is going to be a long one, so please bare with me.

First of all, we are still together, I actually just moved in two weeks ago.

2 years ago, I was the nicest guy. I would take my gf on dates constantly, buy her presents, the works. I loved her and she, me. Now, instead of seeing the red flags everywhere, i put on the blinders and went along with my so-called happiness.

Present time: I still get the "Thank you, babe!" when I buy her something, whether it be food, gifts, a massage, what-have-you. However, i feel unappreciated, lonely, unhappy and mean. How did I get here?

Tonight, I talked to a friend and told him everything that was on my chest, which I was finally able to put into words and come here for any and all advice I can get.

First thing that came to mind. She has completely taken advantage of my niceness. When I go out she EXPECTS me to bring something back to her. I would, at first, just be thinking about her, "oh! she probably would like something to drink from dunkin donuts!" I know this is partly my fault for almost always when going out bringing her back something (just coffee or a snack), but it was a nice gesture. When she goes out, even two years ago, she never even thought to bring me back anything, ever. Only if I specifically asked her to.

Sex. There is none. I'm 27 and do not have a sex life. I would never ever cheat, but over the passed year, I've just stopped asking. She will ONLY have sex while drunk, and I obviously do not want to have sex unless I am drunk too. Never one blowjob offer after a long hard day, no sweetly laying her down and passionately making love to her. When I need to get off, time to go to the bathroom with my iPad and watch some porn and jerk off on the toilet.

Kissing and other affection. Again, basically none. A goodnight kiss, a kiss before work, (peck kissing, she does not passionate kiss ever except during those very rare sex act.) and even those aren't guaranteed. Hugs and other such things? Meh, sometimes, and they are half-assed with her sitting down and me bending down to hug her. Sometimes she will get up.

Her pets. Her cat and bird hate me. Her bird will attack me anytime it's out of the cage. It bit me three times (would fly away after biting and come back for more) and my eyes went red (i've been dealing with this bird attacking me for 2 years) and I almost killed it. She has said multiple times she would clip it's wings, but nope, not once. Her cat just likes to scratch me (I am NOT a cat person) and bite me, then act like i've abused it and my gf will coddle it and make it alllllll better. Shame on me for not liking cats and birds!

Thoughtfulness. I picked up my whole life, leaving friends, family and loving pets to live here with her. Yet, when I go up to my office the two times a week I have to go, after work I see my family and friends (from about 5 PM - 10 PM, I have an hour and a half drive home.) She has complained that I spend more time there than I do at home here (I am up there MAYBE 10 hours a week, tops). She has every single family, friend and her job here. I have to work from home (not so bad) and barely see friends or family anymore due to gas prices, being broke and the like. She broke me yesterday as we fought about it and I just yelled at her for telling me I am spending entirely too much time there when she sees her parents and friends literally every day. gently caress me for wanting to see people I care about, right?

The last straw was we just celebrated our 2 years together. We didn't have funds to go out and eat, but I thoughtfully went out, got her flowers, a bluray movie and a new iPad cover that she wanted. I didn't ask for anything, but expected a little something. Nope. Nothing. It wasn't until a week later where I said, how are you enjoying your new gifts? She then said, Oh! I got your something, but I misplaced it (really?). Two weeks later, still nothing, so I casually mention the supposed gift and she goes, it's not done, but if you want it, you can have it. I said, "sure!". Excitedly I thought she got me something so awesome!....yep, you probably guessed it. It wasn't thoughtful at all. It was one of those cards, that say, "This is good for one sweet blah blah blah From Jerk, Love, Jerk" As she was handing the then blank card to me, she proceeds to write, "Happy Two Years, babe! Hope for hundreds more!" As she gave it to me, she had the biggest smile on her face, "Do you like it?" She asks. "Of course babe..." I proceed to say. Then sits back in the couch with a smile like she did something really thoughtful!

Sigh. r/relationships. Am i an idiot? Am I selfish? I feel stupid. I feel like she trained me, but right now, I feel drained and don't feel like a good person anymore. I feel taken advantage of by an older selfish woman.

I just need help. I don't know what to do. I want to love her like before, but now that all this has happened over the course of a year. I feel so loving dumb.

My friend says I should just cut my loses, break it off, and move out. It's only been two weeks, maybe it will get better? I've tried talking to her, but she does not like talking about feelings, and I do, very much so.

Help.

tl;dr - Girlfriend is selfish. Didn't see the signs for over a year. Just moved into her place. Maybe things will get better? Help. Please.

Tolkien minority posted:

decided to check their comment history, not convinced their not a troll. this one is especially topical with the whole "crazy beez and porn" deal we got goin on


sexting randos while in a relationship: totally cool and basically the same thing as watching porn and its prob the partners fault anyway for not satisfying them

Regulation Size posted:

She (31f) killed my (27m) nice guy side after a 2 year relationship. what do i do?

Regulation Size posted:

No one cares.

Pick posted:

That was a direct response to a question you idiot.

quote:

No one cares.

Chomp8645 posted:

Regulation Size posted:

No one cares.

She (31f) killed my (27m) nice guy side after a 2 year relationship. what do i do?

Pick posted:

I don't--as I said, I think pornography reinforces it (heavily). So do jokes about small dicks, which is why I don't tell jokes about dick size even though they're still socially acceptable for some reason. But in return, it would be helpful if guys didn't say stuff like "I can't wait to see the tears in your eyes when you choke on it" because that's a big turn-off. (Or worse, the earlier daddy cummies in the no no zone or whatever the gently caress it was in the earlier story.)

Pick posted:

I'm actually less tolerant of porn than I used to be because of how many guys have demonstrated to me that it informs their thinking and approach. If it didn't then I wouldn't care.

quote:

My[23M] girlfriend[24F] said the "N word" last night and it really upset me. Is this something to be worried about?

So me and my girlfriend (both white) were leaving a store this afternoon, and as we were driving a black dude honked at us. My girlfriend asked why he honked and I said that I didn't know. She responded "loving n**ger". Needless to say, I was kinda shocked and got a little upset. I mean, it made me think much less of her and made me question her character. I do love her, but that was a huge red flag...so reddit, do you think i'm over reacting? What would you have done?

tl;dr: girlfriend said racist poo poo

Tender Bender posted:

I hope he visited You Look Like poo poo and is following goon advice to buy sheets of raw denim to cut and sew into his own jeans, which he never washes.