- Coolness Averted
- Feb 20, 2007
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oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA
GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗
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lol just lol if you haven't rent your clothes and hair, gnashed your teeth, and wailed a 20 minute apology to everyone you were a poo poo to as a child
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Nov 20, 2016 00:42
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 16, 2024 18:52
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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That's going to be one fun dinner!
Yeah I'm sure it's because she's a cam girl and not ten years younger than her and probably a sugar baby
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Nov 20, 2016 00:45
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- Chichevache
- Feb 17, 2010
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One of the funniest posters in GIP.
Just not intentionally.
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lol just lol if you haven't rent your clothes and hair, gnashed your teeth, and wailed a 20 minute apology to everyone you were a poo poo to as a child
Apologies to everyone in this thread who I may or may not have shoved into a locker at some point. I post on Something Awful now, so rest assured, everything in my life sucks and I feel the pain of your youth sevenfold.
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Nov 20, 2016 01:30
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- im cute
- Sep 21, 2009
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Therapeutic video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fqypfWfVYY
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Nov 20, 2016 01:46
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- a very large fish
- Oct 18, 2012
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When my bully apologized i told him I'd only forgive him if he let me suck his dick.
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Nov 20, 2016 01:47
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- Chichevache
- Feb 17, 2010
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One of the funniest posters in GIP.
Just not intentionally.
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When my bully apologized i told him I'd only forgive him if he let me suck his dick.
And I was so right to accept, you're magic with a cock.
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Nov 20, 2016 01:52
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- Marijuana Nihilist
- Aug 27, 2015
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by Smythe
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lol just lol if you haven't rent your clothes and hair, gnashed your teeth, and wailed a 20 minute apology to everyone you were a poo poo to as a child
lol your username is accurate
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Nov 20, 2016 03:30
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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I have a simpler theory. Her husband never told this girl their address and she still sends them to the same address she has logged from years ago.
That is probably the actual answer, but do you think the OP would buy your obvious ploy to deceive her?
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Nov 20, 2016 03:48
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- fibblins
- Dec 21, 2007
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party swan
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So my girlfriend(f24) expects me(m22) to stay with her in our relationship after she cheated on me at her school.
quote:Tl;dr Am I in the wrong for wanting to end the relationship with my girlfriend because she cheated?
Is strange that my gf wants to keep our relationship going after she cheated on me with a class mate (college) of hers and his older brother? I found out because our mutual friend walked in on the three of them while they were having sex. She texted me within five minutes to know if I knew (gf name) was having sex with others. When I said "what?!" she sent me an angry face and then went back inside to pull her out of the party and take her home.
Cut to my conversation with my gf, she says every one cheats, that it's apart of life. She was drunk and wouldn't have done it if she wasn't. She explained to me that she's had three other relationships when her bf was the one who cheated, but she forgave all of them. She says I have to grow up and learn more about life.
I feel I should mention some things to make it more clear. She's my very first gf and we've been dating for one month and we haven't had sexual intercourse. (She's made out with me and she doesn't stop me when I fondled her breasts once or twice.)
So am I wrong? Everyone cheats and I'm supposed to forgive? I thought it was wrong to cheat.
Come on, everyone cheats. Grow up!
In the comments OP explains that, after he rightfully dumped her, she apparently said she loved him before punching him in the face.
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Nov 20, 2016 04:40
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- Mezzanon
- Sep 16, 2003
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Pillbug
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she apparently said she loved him before punching him in the face.
I've been there.
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Nov 20, 2016 04:48
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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She got interrupted before that could happen.
quote:
My (32m) wife (33f) is becoming the kind of person I dislike
I'm an atheist. I use the term skeptic, mostly, because of the over-the-top response the term "atheist" typically gets. I like evidence and research behind opinions. I like to see the roadmap of how someone or some group arrived at the conclusions they're making about something.
When we were dating, my wife was almost as practical as I was, studying chemistry, and the kind of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. At the time we were both Christians, but that didn't play a significant role in our relationship, except to the extent that we would occasionally go to church together on Sundays.
She became a stay at home mom, and she INSISTED on homeschooling the children, which she does half-heartedly, at best, using ultra conservative, dogmatic homeschool material. Some days I come home and the kids "haven't done school yet" - a few pages of a workbook that they spend 30-60 minutes on.
With our youngest child, she would only agreed on a couple of the vaccinations for the baby, and now is trying to say that there's "no reason" for the baby to get any of the others (at first she wanted to spread them out so as not to "over stress his immune system". I agreed to that, at the time. Now he's 18 months old and only partially vaccinated. Now she says that our other children developed asthma after they received vaccines.
She used to listen to good music, or at least, listened to a wide range of musicians. Now, it's all maranatha music - the most contrived, awful, monotonous music that exists in the Christian community. I'm a musician, and music is important to me.
She's always on Facebook. She is a fan of pyramid scheme bullshit and seriously fought me when I cancelled a $100/month subscription to essential oils during a period of financial hardship - this after smelly waxes and some kind of book thing. Now she's into yoga pants.
I'm trying, but I'm just starting to really, really dislike who she is now. I feel like she's doing long term damage to our children by giving them a piss poor education, and endangering our baby's health. I feel like she's become this... monstrosity of a caricature of a joke of her former self, and i don't know when it happened or how to deal with it... Or even where to begin.
Way to bury the lede on the child neglect there bud.
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Nov 20, 2016 05:14
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- Gaunab
- Feb 13, 2012
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LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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quote:
I [24 M] was sabotaged by ex girlfriend.
Hi, this is a throwaway account and I'm so confused and conflicted with my life right now.
This might be long so bare with me and please try to help me out as best as possible.
My girlfriend [23 F] now, lets call her Daisy, and I met on Tinder in March of 2015. She decided to come to Michigan from Florida to go to school. When we first started talking it was like a dream, match made in heaven, and I felt like the happiest man in the world. We found out we had tons of things in common. After almost a week of talking day in and day out, I asked a pretty stupid question to move in with her and her roommates. I was living with my parents and hated it. She spoke to her roommates about it and they all allowed it. Completely stupid for all of us to do, I know. While getting to know everyone, we've thrown plenty of parties and I invited a ton of my friends which made for some really fun times. All of my friends loved her and always asked me about her when she was around me. It started to seem like they were favoring her and ditching me because of how cool she was to them.
Fast forward a year living with the roommates and we decide to move out and get our own place.
This is where it begins to fall apart for me.
After being pretty introverted most of my life and not being too open about my feelings, I tell her some of my fears. I had most all social media apps, Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, Reddit, but I hated Facebook. She and everyone knew I hated Facebook, simply for the fact that people were too open about their lives on it. I was pretty popular in highschool and it stuck after graduation. One day a girl I haven't spoken to since highschool, we'll call her Kenzie, came out of nowhere and messaged my girlfriend saying that I slept with her. My girlfriend confronted me about it and I denied it. Later in that same day after, my ex girlfriend, Heather, had messaged Daisy telling her that I slept with Kenzie aswell. In my head I'm thinking that they have set this up. Daisy on the other hand, has been cheated on in the past and is starting to ignore me and talk to them via Facebook to find out "the truth". Things start to look a little scary and I wonder what they're saying but no matter how much I tried to get her to listen to me, she ended up believing them.
She broke up with me after tension in the apartment. When she broke up with me, she purposely posted a lengthy post on Facebook about me cheating on her for all of our friends and families to see.
I was completely devastated by what my friends were saying in comments and how they were supporting her and all taking her side. They soon started to message her asking if she was okay. Meanwhile I've been getting nothing but messaged from my parents, her parents about what they think I've done. A fear I had of losing my closest friends has became reality. I shut down. Depression set in extremely hard and I felt more alone than I've ever felt. I isolated myself since no one was willing to hear me out, deleting all of my social media.
I've never felt so defeated in my life. From the moment she did that I didn't have and still to this day don't a single person to talk to. No one I can consider a friend. At the time, because of depression, I lost my job. I couldn't pay my car insurance or my phone bills. I let myself go and gained weight, stopped shaving and caring about myself. Something clicked in me one day and I called a therapist after months of self loathing and set up an appointment.
Now I'm in therapy. While Daisy feels bad for what shes done about purposely putting the post on Facebook, she believes I didn't do what my old friends claimed I did and she's blocked and stopped talking to them. She wants to try again with me and I'm considering it. But now while in therapy, I feel just as dead inside as I did from the moment she made the post on Facebook. Therapy hasn't helped. My therapist tells me to talk to Daisy, but I can't have a conversation with her. Its hard to even make small talk. My life hasn't been the same. I never get messaged or invited out, I've lost so much confidence and self-esteem. Now, I have a job and she does too but we can't afford to live seperatly yet. Is that my best option? Can we actually fix our relationship if we tried again? How do I recover from losing my closest friends and depression?
Tldr; Spiteful ex lied to my current gf saying I cheated, gf she makes post on Facebook to tell everyone and I get extremely depressed.
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Nov 20, 2016 06:01
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- Smirking_Serpent
- Aug 27, 2009
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Me [26 M] with my boyfriend [23 M] - He is upset I won't play a competitive Overwatch with him.
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Nov 20, 2016 08:57
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- treiz01
- Jan 2, 2008
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There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality.
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Me [26 M] with my boyfriend [23 M] - He is upset I won't play a competitive Overwatch with him.
drat, I have the opposite problem. My lady is always asking me to play Overwatch with her, and I'm over here trying to play Battlefield 1!
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Nov 20, 2016 09:17
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- lohli
- Jun 30, 2008
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Happy ending, big mistake. :/
quote:Hey, so this my dilemma thought put out online. (sorry for the terrible grammar)
29M with relationship for 7 years, got engaged 2 years ago to amazing women 27F. Misses went on week away work trip, I had massive week so decided to go get my sore back massaged at legit massage store. (Cash only maybe not...) Normally just go physio but weekend closed, so thought go first time light massage got extra cash this week. Started off normal take all cloths off ok? This must be normal. Did so then, really good looking oriental women walks in. She massaged me for 1 hr, at end of 1 hr asks do you want a special massage? I stuipdly didn't know what even was, and just said normally fine. another 20 mins goes by. Flips over and asks me again (we were talking about random stuff whole time, strange food she eaten,Jellyfish strange...) I agree to it, I won't lie it was great handjob... But soon finished it was worst guilt of my life... I didn't go to massage place for handjob, i just cheated.... I feel like scum i am scum, self pity aside. I just did the unforgiveable to my love of my life....
She flies home tommorrow, I will tell her I don't want to get married in with lies. Any advice on what i should say?
TL;DR massage store, got a happy ending. Cheated - now best course action? Fiance flies home tommorrow
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Nov 20, 2016 10:11
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- Shikantaza
- Sep 10, 2016
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of course he's not racist because he has a black girlfriend and gets along with people of color at his job.
Bingo!
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Nov 20, 2016 12:06
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- Syncopated
- Oct 21, 2010
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Wait so they're still living together?? lmao
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Nov 20, 2016 12:19
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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Happy ending, big mistake. :/
This reads like it was written by a caveman
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Nov 20, 2016 13:18
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- Proposition Castle
- Aug 9, 2004
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Witty message goes here.
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This reads like it was written by a caveman
How is mann cheated? How girl give HoJo?
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Nov 20, 2016 14:15
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- Thots and Prayers
- Jul 13, 2006
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A is the for the atrocious abominated acts that YOu committed. A is also for ass-i-nine, eight, seven, and six.
B, b, b - b is for your belligerent, bitchy, bottomless state of affairs, but why?
C is for the cantankerous condition of our character, you have no cut-out.
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Grimey Drawer
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Happy ending, big mistake. :/
Oh man, did he say which "legit massage store" this was so I can avoid making the same mistake?
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Nov 20, 2016 14:33
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- treiz01
- Jan 2, 2008
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There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality.
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Do so and make her play Battlefield? That seems win-win.
She's not into FPS games as a rule, Overwatch is kind of an aberration because of the hero elements. Plus she only has a laptop with a 940m and dual core i7, I don't think it could quite handle B1.
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Nov 20, 2016 14:35
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- Bonster
- Mar 3, 2007
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Keep rolling, rolling
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Way to bury the lede on the child neglect there bud.
Was this one deleted? I tried to find it to see the comments and couldn't. I kind of want to know if the Redditors pointed out the obvious - he's a lovely father who won't take responsibility for his children's well-being.
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Nov 20, 2016 14:48
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- A ILL BREAKFAST
- Jun 9, 2007
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*unsheathes katana*
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In the past I've unintentionally gone to the seedy, industrial part of town with strip clubs, body shops, and massage parlors. While there I then accidentally got undressed and jacked off to completion by a particularly attractive asian woman totally unexpectedly. Everything happened so fast it can hardly be considered cheating. It happens to everybody at least once c'mon guys
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Nov 20, 2016 14:52
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Was this one deleted? I tried to find it to see the comments and couldn't. I kind of want to know if the Redditors pointed out the obvious - he's a lovely father who won't take responsibility for his children's well-being.
Yeah it must have been, I can't find it either. Most of the comments were saying he should just take the kids, get them vaccinated and enroll them in school.
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Nov 20, 2016 15:01
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- flick my Mr. Bean
- Nov 18, 2014
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must suck having family members who support trump
My wife and I are the only non-trump supporters in my family. Immediate and extended. I'd say about half are genuinely racist and the other half have just bought into the fear and lies about the evil terrorist refugee.
I don't know who this guy is but he sure seems to know a lot about me!
"One of the first things she told me about as we were getting to know each other was about her male best friend of 10+ years who's completely in love with her."
If I wasn't married, I think I'd back out of any relationship where there's "just a friend". I've been in all three positions in that scenario and it turned into drama and heartbreak every time.
flick my Mr. Bean fucked around with this message at 15:41 on Nov 20, 2016
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Nov 20, 2016 15:23
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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So back when my immune system was making all my muscles super tight and painful I tried to find a massage place in my super suburban area.
It turns out unless you go to a Physical Therapist it is almost impossible to find a legitimate massage place. Every loving place I googled for reviews showed up on a website for handjob enthusiasts called rubmaps.com or W/E it was where they talk about prices and what they'll do for you.
Seriously, just try it around you, you'll be shocked.
I ended up buying a stretching book for PT's because I don't want to spend $60 to dodge a handjob from an indentured servant.
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Nov 20, 2016 16:12
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- Modus Pwnens
- Dec 29, 2004
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So back when my immune system was making all my muscles super tight and painful I tried to find a massage place in my super suburban area.
It turns out unless you go to a Physical Therapist it is almost impossible to find a legitimate massage place. Every loving place I googled for reviews showed up on a website for handjob enthusiasts called rubmaps.com or W/E it was where they talk about prices and what they'll do for you.
Seriously, just try it around you, you'll be shocked.
I ended up buying a stretching book for PT's because I don't want to spend $60 to dodge a handjob from an indentured servant.
Yeah, I almost went to a place that opened in my neighborhood and it takes about 30 seconds of research to see what's really going on.
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Nov 20, 2016 16:27
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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It's really depressing but BBC did a special on women who are basically trapped into that life and it's called Sex: My British Job. it's on YouTube and really interesting but definitely a bit of a downer
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Nov 20, 2016 16:27
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- RNG
- Jul 9, 2009
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So back when my immune system was making all my muscles super tight and painful I tried to find a massage place in my super suburban area.
It turns out unless you go to a Physical Therapist it is almost impossible to find a legitimate massage place. Every loving place I googled for reviews showed up on a website for handjob enthusiasts called rubmaps.com or W/E it was where they talk about prices and what they'll do for you.
Seriously, just try it around you, you'll be shocked.
I ended up buying a stretching book for PT's because I don't want to spend $60 to dodge a handjob from an indentured servant.
12 places in my city, all reviewed within the last month. Weird.
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Nov 20, 2016 16:55
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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12 places in my city, all reviewed within the last month. Weird.
Right? I told you it was creepy. It's like finding out where the crackdens/shooting galleries are hidden around your neighborhood.
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Nov 20, 2016 16:58
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- P-Mack
- Nov 10, 2007
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Somebody should open a place that does ethical fair-trade handjobs
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Nov 20, 2016 17:30
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- artsy fartsy
- May 10, 2014
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You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!
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So back when my immune system was making all my muscles super tight and painful I tried to find a massage place in my super suburban area.
It turns out unless you go to a Physical Therapist it is almost impossible to find a legitimate massage place. Every loving place I googled for reviews showed up on a website for handjob enthusiasts called rubmaps.com or W/E it was where they talk about prices and what they'll do for you.
Seriously, just try it around you, you'll be shocked.
I ended up buying a stretching book for PT's because I don't want to spend $60 to dodge a handjob from an indentured servant.
The key word you need is "Swedish". I tried searches with and without that and yeah, stand-alone "massage reviews" brought me right to rubmaps, but "Swedish massage [city, state]" brought up a bunch of legitimate places I'm familiar with.
I worked as a Swedish massage therapist for a little while, and we were trained to politely ignore the occasional erection.
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Nov 20, 2016 17:55
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- Thots and Prayers
- Jul 13, 2006
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A is the for the atrocious abominated acts that YOu committed. A is also for ass-i-nine, eight, seven, and six.
B, b, b - b is for your belligerent, bitchy, bottomless state of affairs, but why?
C is for the cantankerous condition of our character, you have no cut-out.
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Grimey Drawer
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I worked as a Swedish massage therapist for a little while, and we were trained to politely ignore the occasional erection.
I'd prefer more of a terrified "JESUS CHRIST it's a python! Oh, sorry. Never mind." than some sort of polite dismissal willing to pay extra thanks
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Nov 20, 2016 18:16
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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The key word you need is "Swedish". I tried searches with and without that and yeah, stand-alone "massage reviews" brought me right to rubmaps, but "Swedish massage [city, state]" brought up a bunch of legitimate places I'm familiar with.
I worked as a Swedish massage therapist for a little while, and we were trained to politely ignore the occasional erection.
That doesn't sound polite at all
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Nov 20, 2016 18:24
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- 54 40 or fuck
- Jan 4, 2012
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No Yanda's allowed
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why not just go to a registered massage therapist, who probably cost the same but are more legit
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Nov 20, 2016 18:32
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- Gumbel2Gumbel
- Apr 28, 2010
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why not just go to a registered massage therapist, who probably cost the same but are more legit
That's good to know NOW, I had no idea it was so prevalent at the time though
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Nov 20, 2016 18:57
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- RNG
- Jul 9, 2009
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why not just go to a registered massage therapist, who probably cost the same but are more legit
Because then you don't get a handjob?
Break up with girlfriend, tell 2 close friends between us about secret relationship, find out she's dating us all. posted:
I'll try to keep it as short as possible. me [25 M] with my [21 F] and 2 friends [18 M] & [26 M] I met a girl on a streaming website. I chatted with her quite a few times and then she asked me for my skype so we could continue talking there. I’m being really random and flirtatious with everyone on the site and on skype she asked me to date her, so we did. While we dated she introduced me to 2 of her friends which were really cool and nice. I found out not long after that one of the guys had known her for almost 3 years and the other for about half a year. They both liked this girl and weren’t afraid to show it.
My relation with her was a secret un till last night. I wanted to break up since she couldn’t keep a single promise she made, was never sorry for what she did and was always the one making the demands from me and her friends. I told her I wanted to break up over a call and she basically ignored what I had to say like I should just deal with it and if that we would break up it would be her breaking up with me. Talking didn’t work so I started ignoring her and she got mad. After countless messages of her trying to get my attention I told her that she was spoiled and taking me for granted and here’s when the true rage started.
She blocked me everywhere and I wasn’t too sad about that since I knew I could do better, but I really liked the 2 friends. Since the 4 of us always did things together I wanted to tell them about our relationship so they would understand why things would get rough from now on, but when I told them we found out she was dating the 2 of them at the same time. None of us knew un till I mentioned it yesterday and it’s been very hard on them. They started talking to the girl and expressing their emotions while keeping me informed. They said she cried, but she wasn’t sorry like she was ok with what she did but was hurt because the 2 friends were hurt.
This morning I was calling with the 2 friends un till one of them said the girl wanted to talk to me. She came in the call, insulted me for like 2 minutes and left the call before I could say anything. In the call she said that the 2 friends had to choose for either me or the girl, then the girl left. The 2 guys said they weren’t going to choose since they wanted us both in their life. They still have feelings for the girl where I don’t since I was only going out with her for 5 weeks. But it's really awkward right now and I’m clueless on what to do.
tl:dr I tried breaking up with my girlfriend who I've known for 2 months, dating for 5 weeks. I explain to the 2 friends about our secret relationship only to find out that she's dating all of us at the same time. Girl makes the 2 friends choose between me and the girl, 2 friends told me in private that they weren't going to chose since they can't give up on their feelings towards the girl and see me as a great friend.
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Nov 20, 2016 19:01
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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May 16, 2024 18:52
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- Melchiresa
- Jun 21, 2006
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Nice guy.
Tries hard.
Loves hot dogs The Game.
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I bet that guy thinks strippers are actually into him, too.
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Nov 20, 2016 19:03
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