quote:

Bf [28M] is obsessed with being funny on snapchat. He's been wearing my [26F] lingerie in "skits"[new]

Yeah. Basically this started when our relationship got to the point where I was leaving clothes over at his place. I left a red lace bodysuit and I wasn't able to come visit him for about a week to pick it up so I guess he took interest in it. He put it on, (stretched it out too), sent me snaps and made a snap story. He did this a couple times over the week so he put it on and took it off multiple times. After the first time it stopped being funny.

Became really weird. He asked me to wear more lingerie and I brought a blue babydoll over with the intent of yknow, getting some.
But! The next day we were lounging around together and yep he put it on then sent snaps to his fellow 30 year old male friends. He's always been into making snap stories and the inside jokes he has with his friends and I've never had interest in cutting in on that even though I don't think anything they do with each other is all that funny. He's done little skits with stuffed animals and stuff. He used to talk about how if he was younger when vine came out he couldve been famous.

But this is really weird and a turn off. This isnt stuffed animals acting like theyre snorting coke. He specifically asked me to leave my lingerie there and to bring him more. I don't know what to do. Im not going to bring him any more but still has the two sets. I told him it's kind of weird and not that funny the 20th time he does it but he keeps saying it's funny and his friends like it. His friends also send each pictures of their poop so...that's their sense of humor I guess...but this is all drying my downstairs up like the Sahara. I'm so ridiculously turned off. I don't know what to do.

Tl;dr: bf jacked my lingerie for comedy purposes. I've never been more turned off but his friends find it funny so he doesn't want to stop. Idk what to do..

quote:

He's made himself sick with taco bell and white castle just so he could send his friends the grossest pictures possible :/
I tried to not judge him but it is very disgusting and immature. I just don't have many male friends so I had no idea if this is typical

La Brea Carpet posted:

Jesus just take him to Victoria's secret with you and get some stuff in his size.

edit to add comment:


What's his SA username

Antivehicular posted:

Maybe I'm a judgmental harpy or whatever, but I feel like it'd be really hard for me to stay in a relationship with a dude whose idea of humor is "eat enough White Castle to get hideous diarrhea, snapchat to send to friends," even before he started ruining my clothes for a joke. Like, it would frankly be more workable if it turned out this was because he had a fetish/some gender issues to work through, rather than just being terminally unfunny and juvenile.

Tears In A Vial posted:

La Brea Carpet posted:

Jesus just take him to Victoria's secret with you and get some stuff in his size.

edit to add comment:


What's his SA username

Lonely Virgil posted:

Lady, your boyfriend is into crossdressing. He's just playing it off as being wacky.

Antivehicular posted:

Maybe I'm a judgmental harpy or whatever, but I feel like it'd be really hard for me to stay in a relationship with a dude whose idea of humor is "eat enough White Castle to get hideous diarrhea, snapchat to send to friends," even before he started ruining my clothes for a joke. Like, it would frankly be more workable if it turned out this was because he had a fetish/some gender issues to work through, rather than just being terminally unfunny and juvenile.

Lonely Virgil posted:

Lady, your boyfriend is into crossdressing. He's just playing it off as being wacky.

timefly posted:

Yep. Even with some guys I've dated who have rich/well-connected parents, they'd ask what my parents do and I'd say "my dad's in QA/disabled and my mom's a lab tech" and they'd be skeeved out and tell him to stay away from me or whatever. We were pretty solidly middle class.

quote:

I [38F] have sort of become friends with a criminal investigator [30's-40'sM] who was assigned to my kid's abuse case, and not sure if it's weird.

Early last year my child disclosed to me that they had been abused by a family member (by marriage) who resides in another state. I reported it to the police in my city, who then forwarded the report to the state where my child's abuser lives. An investigator with the state troopers was assigned to our case. For the sake of keeping it brief I'll call him Joe.

The family member/abuser was arrested last July and was denied bail. At this time the DA has made an offer, which he turned down and we are all just waiting to see if it's going to go to trial or not.

Joe gave me his personal cell phone number the first time I talked to him. At first all the calls and texts were strictly about the case. After the abuser was arrested, the relationship between Joe and I started to change. We still talk about the case a lot, but we spend a lot of time gossiping about various family members who have had contact with the abuser since the arrest. Joe listens to all of the calls he makes from jail and tells me what they are talking about. I tell Joe about conversations I have with them as well. Sometimes we talk about sports, our kids (he has an 11 yo son), politics, and other random topics. We text each other and/or talk on the phone 2-3 times a week at least. We wish each other happy holidays. He talks about hoping to meet me and my kid some day (we've never met in person, everything has been over the phone so far) He's said several times that he doesn't usually take this level of interest in his victims and their families. Sometimes he tells me stuff about his other cases.

I probably talk to Joe as much as I do my closest family members, and more than any of my friends. I'm worried about what's going to happen when this trial is over. Are we still going to be friends? Are we actually friends now? Is he violating professional boundaries and could he get in trouble for it?

For whatever it's worth, my kid thinks all of this is pretty weird. I think it's a little weird too, but having someone "on the inside" who is willing and able to give me a whole bunch of info has gotten sort of addicting, plus I just enjoy talking to him. He's funny, and a pretty cool person.
tl;dr: I've become friends with the person investigating my child's abuser and I have weird feels about it.

Relevant Tangent posted:

It being a fetish or gender issues made more sense until that stuff about White Castle. I mean, maybe he's also just a man-child in general.

Nuebot posted:

Jesus. Sure, lady. It's not weird at all to gossip about horrifying child abuse like it was your neighbor's weird love affair.

Beekeeping and You posted:

Isn't that what this entire thread is about?

Dunning Krugerrand posted:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [32M] he feels ''lied'' to, because I never told him my ex was a different race

Nuebot posted:

Jesus. Sure, lady. It's not weird at all to gossip about horrifying child abuse like it was your neighbor's weird love affair.

ArbitraryC posted:

yeah if it was overt racism or something it would almost make sense but the way the op wrote it as "they hate her because her family died" just seems so off the wall I just can't wrap my head around it.

Zelder posted:

I hope that, through my actions and deeds, I'm causing distress for crazy white racists all over the nation. That's really all you can ask for in life

Pick posted:

Racist: *sees blonde woman with black man* *immediately and furiously imagines that black man's incredible whopper of a penis thrusting, nay, slamming into her pussy with manly grace neither he nor any other white man could ever match* *votes*

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

what kind of ingrate bitches on Reddit about getting to date Divine

Batterypowered7 posted:

Go on...

E: My wife's black, I'm hispanic but pass for white. Most we've ever gotten was a "You go, girl." from another black girl while walking in the mall.

Batterypowered7 posted:

Go on...

E: My wife's black, I'm hispanic but pass for white. Most we've ever gotten was a "You go, girl." from another black girl while walking in the mall.

quote:

How do I (23/M) deal with unfounded anger toward a married coworker (25/F) who I have no reason to still have feelings for...[new]
submitted 2 hours ago by throwaway23347

Long story short.
I work in a male dominated field with a few females mixed in. The coworker in question came to work for us 1.5 years ago, and she has breezed through training and gotten accolades from the horny men around her through no fault of her own. She is treated 10x better than anyone else in her position. She has an outgoing and flirtatious personality. Pretty sure almost every guy above us in seniority has a crush of some sort on her.

So I've liked her for a long time. Not like the crushes over a pretty face like most of my work, but because she is eerily similar to me and thats hard to find in a chick. Always put it to the back of my mind because she's married and I wouldn't ever do anything. Not a hint of feelings for her, hell, I avoid her at times so I don't get caught up in my emotions. I've had an inkling she felt something towards me, but again, back of my mind, and I made our contact minimal

So prior near the end of October, things got weird. She started coming on strong. Randomly trying to talk to me. Making weird remarks about how she loved working with me, or how she hasn't seen me all day (we work in a very tiny building... We see each other plenty, I just avoid talking to her). Staring at me randomly, at times with puppy eyes that I've only ever seen on girls who had big crushes on me. Constantly catching my eyes and touching me when talking. (To be fair she touches people when she talks to them like its nothing)

I was real confused. She had some red flags in the past like (drunk?) texts to another coworker that were suggestive, but I figured she would never cheat. And then I found out her husband was flying back home across the country and taking one of their pets. She told everyone he was just going home for Thanksgiving and for medical treatment (he has a kidney disease), but I learned from a coworker she is closest to (platonic as can be) that they were teetering on the edge of divorce and he needed space.

This was not okay by me. I don't try and get some chick who is STILL MARRIED because her relationship is in a bad place. So I avoided her even more, gave her a cold shoulder, hoping that despite how badly I wanted to flirt back and be something more with her, that she would go back to her husband and deal with that situation. I think I almost brought her to tears by how badly I acted like I didn't care about her advances or her.

And then she moved on to our supervisor that has been barking up her tree for a long time. Idk how it started. She probably flirted with him and he jumped at the bit, and next thing you know they are finding excuses to be with together at work, outside of work, found multiple times looking like they were about to kiss but they played it off, etc. It was clear they were becoming inappropriate.

At the end of November, she then took her husband back, with her thing with the supervisor lingering. We got out of work early and she spent 3 hours having a pitcher of beer with him instead of spending time with her husband who had just got back. Only 3 hours cause she interestingly went home around the time we usually got off work.

So I think that affair(?) has died down even though he still obviously wants her but their interactions are toned down. Maybe its because people started asking questions about their relationship and they are more discreet? Idk.
She now wears her wedding ring (rarely did before she got back with her husband) and I guess they are back to being good? Idk. She's said he's more like a roommate than a lover since she starting working her and wouldn't care if he cheated on her cause she would just move on easily. Idk wtf that relationship is.

So now that I gave all that context, I would like someone to tell me why I am so mad and resent her so much right now? I don't want to talk to her, or see her. She will try and joke around with me and I'll just leave ASAP. She will randomly squeeze my bicep while talking to me, and I just want to tell her to stop touching me.

She recently genuinely pissed me off by telling said supervisor that I dislike him (a friend of mine told her that while drunk so she thought it a good idea to tell him) and it made things really awkward. To be fair, I do hate him. He's a womanizer douchebag who treats me like I'm a lesser being than him, and hosed the girl I like when she was vulnerable on the brink of a divorce. She got the feeling I was mad at her and asked her friend why I'm mad and explained she was just trying to help resolve our differences and she really hates that I'm mad at her cause she really likes me. My friend gave extra emphasis on the really likes me part but I just told him whatever and changed the subject. This is a road to nowhere good.

Idk what to do anymore. Idk why the gently caress I still have a crush on this train wreck of a girl. But she still wants me around and gets upset when I dodge her. WHY CANT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WHEN SHE ALREADY HAS A GUY. makes work annoying and pisses me off. I'm about to ask for a change to a different department but that's a messy process and a last resort.

Sorry if this is incoherent, on sleepy and angry. Bad mix.

TL;DR married girl I like almost got divorced. Started hitting on me before she actually got divorced, I did not reciprocate her flirting, so she got hurt and started a discreet relationship with our supervisor. She is now back with her husband, still works with our supervisor who clearly favorites her and wants her, and I'm pissed because I hate feeling like I lost out somehow by being a moral person. She still tries to flirt with me as well and that pisses me off more even though I like her.

Pick posted:

I assume it also depends on where you live, I was in the south so .

Pick posted:

"unspoken assumptions"


Hey jackass McDouchecanoe, maybe she's not flirting. maybe she's a nice person. what the gently caress would you know about this.

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Really though? I was at a work event last week and I was talking with a lady who would occasionally touch my hands when we were discussing stuff. She just came across to me as really friendly. I tend to touch people on the arm though so I'm sorry to all the frustrated men I've lead on

quote:

My (32/F) husband (36/M) is having an affair with his step-sister (38/F).

It's as crazy as it sounds.

They had a thing when they were teenagers. It lasted a few months, just before step-sister went off to college. We'll call her Angie, and we'll call my husband Brad. Anyway, they hooked up when he was 15 and she was 17. They met around that time. Their parents were both divorcees, and they married each other and merged their households within a year of dating. It all happened very quickly. Given how old Brad and Angie were, and how sudden the change was, the hormones were ~ablaze and they didn't have a strong enough bond with their parents to talk it out and get some space/perspective.

Anyway, Brad apparently didn't have feelings for her. He said it was just attraction for him. But since he lost his virginity to her, and she him, they were somewhat bonded anyway. Besides the whole their parents being married thing.

Fast forward to university. Brad is in grad school and I'm getting my undergrad. We meet in the student union building, both of us there to file complaints about the campus bus schedule, and how there's always a delay. He strikes up conversation with me after we're both ignored by the lady at the front desk, we exchange email addresses so we can talk on AIM (lol) and we started dating shortly after that. I was 21 and he was 25. The maturity gap was pretty significant, but I'd like to think I had managed to hold my own in front of his friends. We soon found ourselves in a serious relationship. It was my second serious relationship and his third. Our relationship went through the test of long distance when I went away for a semester abroad in HK. We survived, and once I finally graduated, we moved in together in a cozy little one-bedroom. I went to grad school shortly after that, he proposed, and we had a cute wedding ceremony at my parents' lake house.

Since then we've welcomed two beautiful twins into our lives. A boy and a girl. They're only 3 years old, but they're growing up fast.

Kind of a cute story, right?

Well, Brad is away on business right now. And I found out through a friend that he went to dinner with Angie while she was in town a few nights ago. My friend is a chef, and he works at the restaurant where Brad and Angie allegedly met up. My friend has never seen Angie so he wasn't sure if she was a colleague or a family member (lol). He's a close friend so he shot me a text almost right away, and said Brad was at the restaurant with a "suspicious redhead". I trust this friend. That said, I still asked for a photograph. He managed to snap one. I recognized Angie right away, thanked my friend and told him I would take it from there.

Now, I've only ever trusted Brad. He was very honest with me about the Angie situation. He told me they used to hook up when they were teenagers, almost as soon as we started dating. We were telling each other about our first times (because that's a thing college kids do, I guess) and he let me know his first time was enjoyable but regretful at the same time. The regret felt very genuine. As if, as an adult, he had come to the realization that hooking up with a step-sibling is fine in terms of relation, but also detrimental because there's no way to escape the person when it's over. You'll have to see them at every family gathering and be reminded of what transpired, even after you have both moved on. I could kind of relate. I lost my virginity to a slightly older family friend when I was in my senior year of hs. And it was intensely awkward for quite some time.

That said, Brad and I have built a life together. A very solid one. Our kids are our everything. We have a beautiful home, thriving careers, and a consistent sex life.

I've met Angie a total of three times. Always over the holidays. She moved to London, married an Englishman, started a family with him and hasn't been home to Vancouver in quite some time now.

To my knowledge, Brad doesn't speak to her anymore. They say hi if they see each other at family gatherings, but other than that, they're just living their lives separately. At least I thought. When I heard he was out to dinner with a "suspicious redhead" I just knew it was her. Something about Brad had felt off leading up to it. He was oddly quiet around me. And when he came home from dinner, I asked him how the meeting had gone (because he told me he was in a meeting, not out to dinner with his step-sister). He maintained the lie, told me the meeting went well, showered, kissed our kids good night, kissed me good night (on the forehead) and then went to bed. I knew that he was going on a business trip very soon, so I played the part until he left. I drove him to the airport, wished him a safe trip, and spent my entire Saturday digging for evidence.

Needless to say I found some. I searched for Angie on Instagram, found a snapshot of the dessert they serve at my friend's restaurant, further confirming that she was the "suspicious redhead" with Brad that night, and I also found her husband's Instagram tagged in one of their photos together. Both of their profiles were publicly viewable, to my luck. I went on her husband's profile and I found out that he thought she was in Toronto, when in reality she was in Vancouver ... where Brad and I and the rest of their family are from. I want to say he's daft for not knowing where his wife flew off to, but he's married to her ... and he probably has no reason to distrust her. More than anything, I empathize with the guy.

Strike number one. Angie lied to her husband, and Brad lied to me.

Brad went for a business trip to San Francisco. I know for a fact he's actually there for work-related reasons, but for my own sanity, I had to know if Angie was with him. Maybe the plan was for them to shack up in his hotel room together? I wasn't sure and I didn't want to leap to conclusions or clue him into the fact that I had caught on. I waited until it was night, put the twins to bed, and called my younger sister over. She's 25, gorgeous, and very supportive.

We stayed up until one o'clock in the morning, mostly talking, trying to figure out the next move. It was late, and I figured if Angie wasn't with Brad in San Francisco, then she was back at home in London w/ her husband and kids. I popped onto her Instagram again, and found that she posted another photo. This time it was of her kids, and she captioned it saying how much she misses them and how badly she wants this week to be over so she can give them hugs and kisses.

Sure you do, Angie.

Strike Number Two. Angie's business trip to "Toronto" was magically scheduled to end on the same day as Brad's trip to San Francisco.

My sister then flexed her internet sleuth muscles and tracked the location of Angie's latest Instagram post. San Francisco. Anyone surprised? No? Neither was I. So they're away on holiday together. How cute. Their chemistry must be through the roof now that they've reunited with each other behind their SO's backs. Disgusting.

Strike Number Three. They're together ... as I type this.

I googled Angie's workplace to see if they have a location in that part of California at all, just to make sure, and they don't. She's definitely there because of Brad.

The next day, Brad called me via FaceTime to see the kids and catch up on our day to day. I let him speak with them shortly, and then I asked him about his trip. He told me it's boring, filled with meetings, corporate lunches and dinners, and "nothing to do at the hotel apart from watch Guy Fieri re-runs on The Food Network". Cute. I might've believed that had I not spent the entire night digging for details on his getaway with good ole Angie.

So now I'm sat here, wondering what I should do. The evidence is all there, laid out. If I were advising a friend in the same situation, I'd tell them to grab a lawyer quick and "get their ducks in a row" or whatever the saying is. I know I should do that, and I have a trusted divorce lawyer's contact info right now. I make a comfortable living. I don't have concrete evidence to prove there was infidelity, but in my heart I know he's cheating on me with her. Probably as I type this. I could easily win custody of the kids. He and I work the same hours, but he's usually too tired to spend time with them. As much time as I do anyway. When I'm away on business, we leave the kids with their maternal grandparents because Brad is usually too scatterbrained to know how to look after them. Until recently, he had trouble telling them apart.

I want to be petty and arrange for room service to deliver a heart-shaped "siblings forever" cake to Brad's hotel room, but I know I shouldn't. I should get the legal stuff out of the way, and present him with divorce papers the second he's back (a la Katie Holmes). The kids don't need him. I don't need him. In any case, this sucks, and I haven't slept a wink all night. For some reason I feel humiliated. I feel like I walked into this situation. When I first met Brad and he told me about his step-sister situation, I told my university roommate what was going on, and she told me to bail from that ship like it was the Titanic. But I stayed. And now I feel like I'm paying the price for my stupid decision. Obviously, two very good things have come from our sinking ship of a marriage. Our kids. But it still hurts. And I still feel as if I've made a huge mistake. I gave an entire decade of my life to him. More than decade.

He's coming back in three days. I want to figure out what I should do before he's back. I don't want to give him a second to talk me out of it, because I know he's going to try, and drat it, I'm weak.

Help me, internet people. I'll take whatever you can give me. Advice, stories of your own failed marriages, how you coped, anything. Oh and I know I shouldn't, but I'm tempted to shoot Angie's husband a quick message. Poor guy probably has no idea. I won't do it, but I'm tempted. VERY TEMPTED.

tl;dr They used to hook up when they were teenagers. They're officially hooking up again. Probably shacked up together in his hotel room while he's away on business right now. He doesn't know that I know. I want to get everything sorted before he's back. I know what I should do, and I'm more than capable of raising our kids by myself, but I'm scared. And sad. And weak. And sad.

Andrast posted:

That seems really weird to me but then again I'm Finnish and our concept of personal space is this

Pick posted:

So I've liked her for a long time. Not like the crushes over a pretty face like most of my work, but because she is eerily similar to me and thats hard to find in a chick.

Groovelord Neato posted:

i honestly do not get cheating.

La Brea Carpet posted:

1.) Dude is a shithead and the chick is awesome
2.) Do the math on when they started dating....

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Really though? I was at a work event last week and I was talking with a lady who would occasionally touch my hands when we were discussing stuff. She just came across to me as really friendly. I tend to touch people on the arm though so I'm sorry to all the frustrated men I've lead on

VanSandman posted:

That step sister one has waaaaaay too much extraneous detail. Why would she describe her younger sister as gorgeous?

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Really though? I was at a work event last week and I was talking with a lady who would occasionally touch my hands when we were discussing stuff. She just came across to me as really friendly. I tend to touch people on the arm though so I'm sorry to all the frustrated men I've lead on