ArbitraryC posted:

it's kind of paradoxical but in my experience the more money the women i am dating earns the less money she expects me to throw at the relationship as some sort of proof of love/affection. I've been dating a prof for a couple years now and she is the absolute chilliest person I've dated when it comes to mutual finances.

Psycho Society posted:

where did the name pnurtis come from

quote:

quote:

My wife [30F] of 2 years and I [30M] can't agree on our child's name. What should I do? 

My son is due in 10 days. 

When we started looking at names, there were a few early contenders, names like Cale, Miles, Brooks, Bennet, etc. Pnurtis was mentioned early, but it was initially thrown out because I really didn't care for it much. She knows this–she's always known this. She seems to like the name because "....it's unique and it sounds hot". In my opinion, terrible, superficial reasons. I asked her to compromise and for awhile it looked like it was going to be either Brennan (my choice and what I thought was a great compromise) or Cale. 

Fast forward to now and she is again insistent we name our son Pnurtis, her reasons being that she is carrying the child and the final say goes to her. Total BS. I don't know what to do and am at a loss. I really don't want to fight anymore over this, but I'm finding it so hard to give in and name what could be our only kid a name that I just do not like at all. 

I really shouldn't be sounding off here, but I really need advice. Help me. 

TLDR: Our son is due in 10 days and my wife is insists we name our son Pnurtis despite me hating the name. She will not compromise. 

Pick posted:

??????????????? how the gently caress does that follow?

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

ArbitraryC posted:

The post mentioned it was weird that he mentioned their income gap, in my own experience income gaps actually cause big problems in relationships and things are much more simple when you're dating someone on a similar level as you.

my implication here is the gap is actually p relevant because it was almost undoubtedly a direct contribution to the problem they were having with respect to cost of the ring.

Pick posted:

??????????????? how the gently caress does that follow?

Psycho Society posted:

I would love it if she was just loving with him the whole time

Pick posted:

But professors make like, what, maybe $50,000 a year early in? Often less.

Patrick Spens posted:

Women who are making enough money on their own don't consider their relationship an economic investment.

Pick posted:

You'd be absolutely loving stupid to not consider the economic ramifications of any marriage, male or female.

ArbitraryC posted:

like yeah my gf makes more than that and can easily afford a good sized house on her salary excluding my income but setting that aside I'm not sure i get your point cause 50k/yr would is like above the national household income and is obv way better than what a social worker making 3x less than their bf is pullin in.

Pick posted:

$50k/yr is below the national household income and not nearly a good enough salary to ignore a partner's earnings.

ArbitraryC posted:

The U.S. Census Bureau reported in September 2014 that: U.S. real (inflation adjusted) median household income was $51,939 in 2013 versus $51,758 in 2012, statistically unchanged.

Pick posted:

Does she not teach math, or just leave it at work?

Pick posted:

You'd be absolutely loving stupid to not consider the economic ramifications of any marriage, male or female.

Patrick Spens posted:

Yeah, but there's a difference between a relationship where you can still afford rent/mortgage in a nice part of town after a break-up, and one where you can't.

Pick posted:

It's a predatory take, that you find women with certain set characteristics so they expect even less of you, that you don't even have to fulfill the tiny sliver of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship. You think your relationship is equal because it's your idea of a compromise point, not a compromise point from the perspective of reality.

ArbitraryC posted:

The U.S. Census Bureau reported in September 2014 that: U.S. real (inflation adjusted) median household income was $51,939 in 2013 versus $51,758 in 2012, statistically unchanged.

quote:

My wife and I were elated to find out we are going to have a daughter! We decided to discuss names last week and gave ourselves three days to prepare our ideas. I spent a ton of time on this and even put together a presentation with each name and the reasons I liked them. I chose some important family names and some special names from literature and the arts—all of which I think would be beautiful.

My wife showed up with a few names scribbled on the back of a grocery list as if she hardly even cared! Also her ideas were trashy misspelled names like Lauryn and Bethonie and 18th-century presidents’ names like Madison, Taylor, and Polk. I was so disappointed in my wife for not taking this seriously, as I feel it is very important. Honestly, this episode has me questioning the foundation of our relationship, let alone raising a child together.

Obviously, I can’t just leave now because I am committed to the child, but how can my wife and I get past this major red flag in our relationship? I have tried to discuss it with her and she doesn’t even think she has done anything wrong, so we are at a major impasse.

quote:

Hi Reddit,

Using a throwaway because my boyfriend is a redditor. I currently live with my boyfriend. We have been together for over two years and lately, things have been going pretty well. One thing that has rocked the boat in our relationship is that he is obtaining more and more conservative view points, on everything from abortion to government programs to gay marriage, where at the beginning of our relationship, he was socially somewhat liberal. With I'm more of an independent, I do feel strongly about a few of these social issues.

A recent conversation came up though that has been really bothering me, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I recently graduated college, and took on an average entry level position making a decent amount of money. He never took any college courses and is currently working making close to minimum wage. He has discussed going into the military or trade school, but I don't believe that either of these things will come to fruition. I've been performing very well at my current job, and it has come to my attention that I am eligible for a promotion within the next month, and that within the next 12-14 months, it is likely that I could double my salary from what I'm making now. He has always responded with something generic like "congrats, babe" and never has really asked me any questions or expressed real interest in this. His income has never bothered me because I know that I am able to provide for myself.

The other night, the topic of stay at home dads came up, and he expressed that he is against this, and that men are supposed to be providers. I pointed out that this is an outdated viewpoint, since in modern times "providing" doesn't usually require physical strength but rather intelligence in some form or another. He disagreed, and said that he could never be in a relationship where he is making less than his partner, because it was "embarrassing" for a man to let a woman provide more for the family (or in general.)

I tried to discuss this further with him, considering that I already make significantly more money than he does and that I will probably continue to do so, with my likelihood of promotion and his lack of a plan for future education or training so far. He shot down my questions from then on and told me that he was done talking about it. Not so much in an irritated/reflective sort of way, but moreso that it was out of his head and he didn't feel like talking about it any more.

I know this topic isn't as extreme as most on this subreddit, but I'm feeling uncertain about how to handle this situation. We live together and I love my boyfriend, but I am now afraid that despite our positive relationship, he could leave me at any moment because I am making more money than he is. Is his perspective on this normal? Is there any way to go about discussing it with someone who seems deadset on not communicating about it further? I have always been fine with his income and have never given him a reason to feel guilty or lesser because of it. I'm just happy to have him around. If I really want to go on a date or see a movie and he can't afford it, I'm more than happy to foot the bill without making anything of it.

tl;dr: My boyfriend recently expressed that he could not be with a woman who makes more money than he does. I already do have a higher income, and it will likely continue to increase over the next year or two. Is this type of thinking normal? Should I stay with him under the fear that he could leave me because of this?

WampaLord posted:

That's household income, not individual income. It doesn't apply.

Haifisch posted:

My boyfriend [21M] recently told me [21F] he couldn't be with a woman who makes more money than him, which I already do... Is this normal?

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO posted:

Why do people make statements like that, and stay?

Is it so they can act all put out for compromising their values?

quote:

We made a commitment to save sex until marriage when we were dating. We are still both virgins. The first sign of vaginismus was she was never able to put in tampons. Then when she was getting her checkup before we got married, the doctor had to stick a finger in her and she was crying from how painful it was, but the hole is easily big enough for a finger. She then didn't want to use the dilators that the doctor gave her because they hurt. She thought it would be fixed magically on our wedding night. It didn't magically work.

After 7 months of me begging her, she finally went to see the doctor about it. We were in a small college town so there weren't any sex therapists or anything. They told her it was vaginismus and that she could treat it through a few different methods. They gave her numbing cream and anxiety pills to help her start trying to get at least a finger in. She gets super nauseous even looking at her vagina, so she has a lot of work to do. She took the anxiety pill, I applied the numbing cream because she was too grossed out, and we waited a bit for it to kick in. Just applying the cream made her cry from pain, so you can imagine the anxiety at this point. Long story short, that idea of numbing cream and pills failed. She didn't want to try again, or do it without me because it was gross to her, but didn't trust me to get anywhere close to her vagina with my hands so I literally didn't know how to help.

A few months pass and we move to LA. I suggest the idea that now she can find a more specialized doctor that can help us out. She shut down the idea with lots of doubts on how they couldn't help her. Literally not giving anything a try because "if she tries things and they fail, then she runs out of options and she will have this issue forever." Of course I'm saying. "You won't know until you try." She then comes up with the brilliant idea that she will just wait and try to fix this when we decide we want to have kids because that would be a motivation for her. Yay....... sigh.

By this point, I was the one doing ALL of the research. I would show her articles and blogs, but reading them would make her nauseous or depressed. So I finally convinced her to buy a book on how to overcome vaginismus and a set of dilators. The next struggle, to get her to freaking read the book! (1 1/2 years married now)

After owning the book for a week, she finally pops it open and reads the first chapter. She decides there's no way she can do those exercises so she's just going to try and get over her mental battle first. So she starts trying to look at her vagina in the mirror for 5 minutes a night. The goal in this was to help her not feel nauseous just looking at it. This lasted for a short amount of time.

So here is where we are at now. She has now come up with the idea that she should see a therapist. Woo!! She called one a month ago and they were overbooked. She's still "looking" now. Insurance is now a concern for her. I'll pay the $200 a visit just go! But we are moving to a different part of LA in July so she keeps saying she will just wait......

So to straighten things out, I love my wife and the reason I married her was not for the sex, but her personality. She's hilarious and super easy to talk to. Super hot. Much smarter than me. And I don't care that she has vaginismus because that is fixable. What I do care about is that after 2 1/2 years, she STILL doesn't seem to care or try! And she doesn't try at all in any way to make up for the fact that she has vaginismus. I can count on one hand how many times she's tried to give me oral. She won't actually put it in her mouth though because she doesn't like the taste (she gagged and almost threw up, and that was in the shower so clean dick. Just pre cum taste), so she licks my shaft and balls. Not really oral. And that's happened 3 times in 2 1/2 years. I bought flavored lube, she was still too scared to put it in her mouth. Neither of us are interested in anal. We orgasm by dry humping so there is still some sort of sexual connection. She just has no romantic passion anymore. She won't kiss me for more than 20 seconds. But continues to say how sexy I am, but I don't feel way that since she lacks a sex drive now. My fear is that if she ever gets over the vaginismus, she still will have a super low sex drive.

I feel like getting a divorce over the fact that she has vaginismus is not right, especially if she was genuinely trying. But she's not trying. Her lack of motivation and easily giving up are such a hard traits to deal with. She's the same way with work/career too. I shouldn't have to be constantly motivating her. But if I sit back and be patient, she just forgets about it and goes on with her life. Which is why there are such if time gaps. How can I be supportive if she has no drive to fix the problem? She's doing this for me, not herself. Or is it pretty much a dead end and she most likely won't fix the problem since she doesn't actually care to fix it for herself? Am I selfish for wanting sex in a relationship?

If I ever bring up the fact that this is hard on me, she gets depressed and asks if I'm going to divorce her and if I still love her. This pressure isn't helping her, so I try not to bring up my pain much. But at the same time, me sitting back and watching her also sit back is also not helping.

So, last year I started playing video games again to try to distract me from always wanting sex. That way I wouldn't annoy her and continue to hurt myself by always being rejected. It has helped with my anxiety a lot. But at this point, I feel like now I'm the one who is hurting the relationship. I'm just tired of trying and feeling selfish.

TL;DR after being married for 2 1/2 years to my wife, she still doesn't have any motivation to try to overcome vaginismus and I'm struggling to stay in the relationship

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Don't date/marry people with vaginismus

Clark Nova posted:

You'd probably make more money sperging out and going all moneyball about how much to overcharge for miller lite than you would by inventing the science of titty phrenology.

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

...who refuse to get treatment for it and are happy to just ignore it. I think that's the really important bit in the story.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Things this thread had taught me:
Don't date gamers
Don't date picky eaters
Don't date autists
Don't date bipolars
Don't date Vaginismusers