- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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I'm sure there's plenty of female Henry Dargers in prison.
What is it with dudes wanting to date naive optimists instead of pessimistic cynics? They're gonna end up there anyway, might as well get em pre-jaded.
You date the next fresh faced naive one at that point. Power is sexy they say, but for a lot of dudes power differential is the sexiest and why you see so many loser dudes flip out over not being unquestioned patriarch.
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May 16, 2017 23:47
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 17, 2024 00:03
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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quote:Am I (F22) in a loveless relationship with (M25) (Duration: 1.5 years)?Relationships
2 points 9 comments submitted 3 months ago by AskMeIfIamAToaster to r/relationships
Hi, long time lurker here. A bit of background; I currently live with my boyfriend and his family. We met online and after about a year of dating, I moved to the other side of the country to live with him. The plan was to move in to his parents house and look for an apartment, but about a week after I moved here, his little brother committed suicide. As a result, I've spent the past five months taking care of his parents by cooking and cleaning for the family. I'm also working two jobs while my boyfriend goes to school part time.
My boyfriend suffers from severe depression, and is on the autism spectrum. He is mostly recovered from his brother's death (they were not that close nor were they found of each other), but his mental health is still very turbulent. He is also an intelligent, hilarious, and incredibly kind human being, who has spend most of his life working for charities.
On to the problem. My boyfriend can't tell me why he loves me, he can't tell me if he wants to marry me in the future, and we never really have sex. Once he told me that we wouldn't ever have sex unless I initiated things. He took back that comment later. I've been very depressed as a result of all of this and ended up gaining a bit of weight. Now he says that my weight is a factor in our diminishing sex life.
Earlier this morning, I read through some old text messages from an ex who is no longer in my life, and I began to cry. I miss feeling loved and wanted. I went into the bedroom to find my boyfriend still asleep at noon. I asked him if he wanted to wake up, and I was met with a grunt. I asked if he was mad, and I was met with an annoyed, "why do you always ask if I'm mad?". I keep thinking about my ex and how he made me feel, and I'm wondering if my standards are too high, or if I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll be cooking, cleaning, and providing for this man for our entire relationship.
I miss the way my ex made me feel, but I feel like my current boyfriend is better with fundamental things (like being trustworthy, compassionate, etc.)
Every time I try to talk about this my boyfriend either doesn't understand or just brushes me off. He thinks that he's showing that he loves me and wants me around, and he literally says "I love you and want you around" but it seems like he can't quite put it into practice. I'm at my wit's end. Please, any insight would be appreciated.
TL;DR My boyfriend isn't very romantic and I'm finding that I have to do most of the legwork in our relationship. Are my standards just too high or am I in a loveless relationship?
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May 16, 2017 23:48
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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quote:[33/F] and [32/M] Dating a little over a month.
I am someone who is pretty self conscious about my looks. I have been told all my life how uly I am. My dad told me when I was really little what a homely little girl I was. He called my sister the pretty one, etc. I was bullied really bad in school. And I have had my fair share of nasty comments made to me even in adulthood.
So anyway... one night him and I were hanging out and he spent like an hour showing me pictures of all these girls he knows. Some of them were exes. Some were female friends. It didn't make me jealous or anything, but after a while it did start getting boring. They all started looking the same. And I made the comment at one point that I need to post more selfies. He agreed that I do.
So, since then I have tried taking flattering pics of myself and sending them to him. I don't like posting selfies on Facebook because it makes me feel like an attention seeker. I figured, if I am only posting them for him and no one else, why bother posting them and why not just send them straight to him.
Not this past weekend, but the weekend before, I took two pics of myself, one smiling and one not smiling. I decided to send him the smiling one. And this was with my hair done, full makeup, looking as nice as I could look. And his response was that I looked pissed off. Ok... not too awful. But I was hoping he would like the picture.
So, last weekend... once again, all prettied up (because I was going to see him later in the day.) Took a pic of myself. Made sure not to smile in it because I didn't want him saying I look pissed. Sent him the pic... he said it amuses him how I can look like I am staring in two different directions. Now, just to fill everyone in, my eyes are slightly crossed. It is a little more obvious in photos than in real life because in photos I am usually looking straight on at the camera. It's not too extreme Most people don't even notice. So he said the thing about my eyes being crossed, then said he hopes I'm not offended. I told him it's not a big deal. People have said worse to me about my eyes. Then he told me in the picture I look like a chameleon. I tried so hard to not be upset... but for some reason that really hit hard and took it way too far. I cried and cried and cried. I got really emotional about this.
He told me it was because chameleons' eyes face outward and they never smile. I told him I specifically didn't smile in the pic because last time I smiled in a pic he said I looked pissed.
He really tried to dig himself out of this hole. I will give him credit for that But after telling me I resemble a lizard there just wasn't much coming back.
He told me when he looks at pictures of me all he sees is a 2D representation and it doesn't capture my personality. And it's my personality he is attracted to. In some ways that made me feel better, but in other ways it just made me feel like poo poo. Someone who goes on and on and on about how much they appreciate female aesthetics is only attracted to my personality and can't even appreciate that I am trying to look nice for them, etc.
He also said he just doesn't perceive the pictures like they are intended. Can't explain why, but that hurt even more.
He used his autism as a reason, which I understand probably is the reason. But none of this was helping. I told him I just won't send him pics of myself anymore if they are only going to be criticized. He said he didn't mean to sound critical. He told me that he likes it that my eyes are messed up and that my expressions are off. Still... none of this was making me feel any better. I know he was trying. But by that point the damage was done I guess. He even tried telling me that chameleons are cute.
tl;dr: My autistic boyfriend made a comment about my eyes being crossed and told me I look like a chameleon after I sent him a cute selfie. It made me feel awful and I couldn't stop crying. This resulted in our first argument. I am not sure how to feel about this.
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May 16, 2017 23:52
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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man, going through the controversial tab is just making me sad, so many people loving nuking relationships for no reason/spite
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May 16, 2017 23:53
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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Me [27 M] with my girlfriend [21F] one year: She accused me of kink-shaming for finding furry art funny and is still mad, what do I do?
We're in a polyamorous relationship and I have helped multiple girls get over their hesitation about sex and their hangups regarding kinks, BDSM, threesomes, etc. There's two girls I Dom regularly on the side as a matter of fact, this is all to say I'm about the least likely person to shame anyone for what they get off to.
My girlfriend knows this. That's why we started dating, since our values match up in this regard. She's always appreciated how I work to make feminism and sex positivity a part of my everyday life and educate other people to these perspectives, unlike most other guys. Other girls I've dated and slept with have praised me for this too.
A St. Augustine for our time. 
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May 16, 2017 23:54
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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I think a lot of what he mentioned is going on. Also, girls tend to grow up a bit faster than boys, and middle/high schools are relatively small "ponds". So, teenage girls, becoming interested in boys before the boys themselves are interested, kind of are placed a bit in the role of "aggressor". I remember as an 8th grader being stopped in the hallway by a few girls who stood in my way and demanded that I hug them because I was "so cute". But that means that girls also become, on average, jaded and discerning earlier, so by the time both sexes are adults, the excitement and naivete has unfortunately disappeared for more girls than guys (at least it seems that way).
It also depends on which men you are talking about. I know I don't speak for all aspies, but I am socially considerably "younger" than my actual years, and the gap grows wider every year. I was late even for a guy getting interested in girls, plus I had other issues going on, so I didn't take part in the high school boy/girlfriend "game". Now even in my early 30s I don't feel like an adult yet in terms of what I want from a relationship.
Both sexes, it seems, get less friendly as they grow up and get more serious--plus they seem to have a lower and lower tolerance for any perceived immaturity. They seem to lose the desire to just get to know random people, and only want to get to know people who will help them get ahead in some way (I know this is a generalization). You'd think in some ways this could help aspies, since we tend to know earlier on what our real interests are and don't get involved in a lot of the immature teenage social posturing. But for someone like myself who expects the romanticized view of relationships and openness of a teenager, because that's where I'm at, the adult social scene often seems very rejecting, even when people really want to be nice. Of course, this feeling of rejection only makes the gap widen.
This is exactly why I strongly prefer (read: almost require) that girls I date ARE just starting out in the dating world/are just discovering boys. It's not because of some religious purity notions, not because of a "whore-madonna dichotomy", or whatever else people might think the reason is. It's exactly because I want to learn WITH someone, not FROM someone (about romance and sex, that is).
With a girl for whom it's "not her first rodeo", as you put it, even if she were to seem head over heels into me, there's this sense of missed opportunity, this sense that whatever I learn from her about what relationships are about, I'm not getting the same opportunity to explore that I'd get with another person who is just starting out in the world of getting to know the opposite sex.
Granted, there also has to be attraction there. I have been sexually involved with two girls who I thought were very unattractive, primarily because they were at this same place. Neither had kissed a guy before, they both wondered what having a boyfriend was like. However, not feeling attraction toward them, they didn't end up helping me develop and answer what I wanted answered, namely how do I relate to a girl with whom I actually have romantic feelings. That's what sometimes feels hopeless--to find a girl out there who's attractive to me, yet who hasn't previously found mutual attraction with enough other guys to pass through this developmental process. I feel like if I were still in high school, I'd have a much better chance at that.
Date a religious woman? That likely wouldn't work for several reasons. First, I don't believe in any form of religion, and I feel that their religious views would creep into their value system in other ways too that are incompatible with mine. This has been my experience with religious guys, like it's hard to debate certain things with them because these moral opinions come from "just so stories" rather than from anything I can actually understand.
Secondly, many religious people, even if virgins, have relationships that are emotionally as intimate as sexual relationships, and even might be considered dating. Not all, but enough that many of them still, I feel, "grew up" interpersonally and romantically-speaking. That's why you hear of virgins marrying the first person with whom they have a relationship.
Thirdly, I feel that there are other ways in which I am out of sync with most adults (including adult women) than just having not dated. Like, adults tend to be significantly less "hyper" than kids and teens--there's a difference in the general "energy" one gets from them. I feel like around adults I get restless because they expect a cool calmness that just isn't me. I've actually thought of dating ADHD girls for this reason.There's also the fading of imagination--adults seem less able or willing to live in a world of vivid fantasy, which is one of the main things I want a girlfriend for. It's like when people are kids and have the imagination they tend not to have the intellectual sophistication to make anything out of it, whereas as adults they have the knowledge but less capacity to be original (aside from some artists, that is).
The women I've been attracted to since high school were anywhere from 19-mid 20s in age, but still had these traits, and that was a big part of what made them attractive. So I really think that an "outsider artist" type of girl is my best bet. Something along the lines of a female Henry Darger ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Darger ), but maybe not quite as reclusive, who combines innocence and a kind of naively optimistic worldview about relationships and everything with sophisticated thinking. It's obviously hard to find, and in fact the last girl I tried to date was low-functioning to the point where it's possible she would have been mentally incompatible (turns out she didn't like me back anyway).
Pick, I thought we agreed that my old LiveJournals were off-limits.
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May 16, 2017 23:59
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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this one just makes me sad
quote:Me [24m] with my g/f[23F] 6 years with a short break, what happened during the break is now haunting usRelationships
submitted 2 years ago by mineaswell
We have been together since high school. We are each others first everything. We were well on our way to being married and together forever. I bought into it and under no circumstance did I ever believe we would not be together.
That is until one day when she was in her 4th year of college and I had just graduated. I was able to get a job right out of college with the company I had interned with and thus I was able to stay in the same city that we were both from (we went to our hometown college). I was working and she had a huge amount of work to finish her major. It was stressful but we made it work.
In fact I was going to ask her to marry me over the Christmas break. I had already started looking at the ring and had even gone so far as to ask her Mom & Dad which they of course said they were surprised I had waited this long.
She and I went on a weekend trip very early in September of that year, it was long planned btw and things were great. She seemed relaxed and we had a great time.
Then the very next day I get a text telling me we need to talk. I had no idea what was about to hit me but I went her house that night and was hit by a Mack truck. She tells me that after thinking about it long and hard she had decided that she felt like we were to young to be so tied down to one another and that she wanted to be single for awhile.
I tried to offer to let her live her college life and I wouldn't bother her or ask her to do anything with me. I would let her initiate all contact (text, facetime, visits, whatever) just let's stay together and we could get through this.
Eventually the truth came out, she wasn't really talking about being in clubs or going out with her friends. She wanted to date other men. I was devastated, I begged her not to do it but no matter what I said or did she had her mind made up.
I went into a deep depression and came within an rear end hair of losing my job, which had I done that pretty much would have sunk my career and thus made my entire degree useless. But fortunately I pulled out before I crashed there.
We agreed, well really it wasn't so much an agreement but my insistence that we not talk to or see each other again and from September through the middle of December this worked out just fine.
In the mean time though I kept getting asked about what happened to us, in particular by her parents who were expecting to throw a wedding. At first I just said we had drifted apart but her parents knew that was bullshit because I'm the one who asked marry. Eventually I heard from one of her sisters that she was telling people that we mutually agreed to separate. Well I am certain that I didn't handle this the best but it really hurt/pissed me off to hear that I was for this so I pretty much went scorched earth on her from that point forward figuring what did I have to lose at that point so I went and told her entire family the truth. I have no idea what they said to her but at least to my face they were shocked and very disappointed in her. Understand by that time we had been together for over 4 years and I was with her family for every event and most weeks would see them multiple times.
I do know from talking with her later that her sisters ripped her a new rear end and pretty much were furious at her for breaking my heart.
Fast forward to Christmas. She shows up at my parents home late in the afternoon and God love my brother he slammed the door in her face. My Dad though opened the door and caught up to her as she was walking back to her car. She asked to talk with me and eventually after thinking about it I went outside to talk with her.
She immediately smiled at me when she saw me and I just looked at her. She asked me if I would go on a walk with her. I at first didn't want to but eventually she convinced me to go. She starts with the small talk and asking how I am blah blah blah. She then tells me that she has really missed me and that she really wanted to see if we could get back together.
This led to a miserable night for me as I went back and forth in my mind as to what I wanted to do.
We met the next day for lunch and we talked some more and I told her that I needed to know what happened during the time we were away. This is when she was at least honest and said she had dated another guy and yes they had sex together.
Every heartbreaking moment came flying back at me. How could she do this etc. I told her that I just didn't think I could do this as I would always hold this against her and would resent her for it. She started crying and we agreed to go back to not contacting each other, this time at her insistence.
After going home and thinking about it more I felt like I still loved her but wasn't sure how to handle this. So I went to her the next day and we talked and I told her that I would like to try again but there was going to be one understanding and that is that the only way I thought I would ever be able to be okay with this is if someday the opportunity ever presented itself that I felt I would need to be with someone else if nothing else just for my own peace of mind. I know it wasn't right but it was the only way I could see going back into this.
Obviously we got back together and the past 2 years have gone very well. We both work good jobs and we have even talked about marriage (she was really broken up when she found out about me wanting to get married back then).
However here is the problem. The opportunity presented itself to me and I did it. I met a woman at a convention who was recently divorced and she did not want anything other than a one night fling.
I was always honest with her and told her if the time ever came I would be honest with her and I would make sure that it was just the act itself and that I would not get involved with anyone.
Well she must have either thought I was joking or didn't think I was capable of attracting someone but when I told her she flipped out. She at first was red faced furious with me but then started sobbing uncontrollably. After she finally calmed down she has been all but catatonic all week. She won't eat, she is depressed, she cries a lot and she has called in to work sick twice.
I want to help her through this. I can relate because I went through the exact same thing when she left me but I know we don't handle things the same way.
We've already talked and she has admitted that this was the agreement so she knows that while she can be mad at me she won't leave.
I know this is going to sound dumb but I do love her and I don't want to see her hurt. I won't talk or see that other woman ever again as it was literally a one night stand, hell I'm not even sure if her last name was really her last name.
For myself, yes I do honestly feel a little better because I feel like I have had a similar experience and now can understand that it wasn't a big deal.
I never need to do it again with anyone but her.
Should I offer to go to couples counseling and will they even take non-married couples
tl;dr: girlfriend left for greener pastures/ came back but had slept with someone else/ I agreed to get back together but with the stipulation that if I ever had a chance to sleep with someone with no strings attached that I would. I did and now she is depressed.
let's go through the list
1. highschool sweethearts that had never dated anyone else
2. she wanted to date other people
3. he hosed someone out of revenge when they were in a committed relationship for another two years, she had a short relationship while they were broken up
4. i hope she tells his family and they disown him
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May 16, 2017 23:59
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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quote:I [25 M] have a hard time finding girls to date because I want them to like The Legend of Zelda
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May 17, 2017 00:10
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Sorry chump but ladies like Overwatch, so get good scrub.
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May 17, 2017 00:24
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- christmas boots
- Oct 15, 2012
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To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
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Biscuit Hider
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No baby I think it's sexy that you're a reptile poorly masquerading as a human being
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May 17, 2017 00:26
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Me [18M] with my girlfriend [18F] 3 years, is considering break up because I wouldn't buy her expensive gift
quote:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. She is from a wealthy family and I am not. I work for my money and have a had a job since I was 16. Early this year her father offered me a job at his company that paid well and worked with my schedule so I took it. I don't like this work and my girlfriend knows this but it pays so well it would be stupid to quit, especially since I have to pay for everything myself.
My girlfriend is going to a college out of state, and I am going to a community college. I didn't want her to go out of state and she knew this, but she did it anyway. Earlier this month it was her birthday, and since she's picky about gifts she usually just tells me what she wants. Well, she told me she wanted this bracelet that was about $300. I can easily afford that, but I'd rather save that money for college and my own expenses in the event that she goes off to college and dumps me.
On her birthday, she was going to a neighboring village to do some shopping and errands, so I took the day off from both my jobs to come with her. At the end of the day when we're going home she asked if I had something for her. I told her that this (going out of town for shopping) was her gift. I then told her that the bracelet she wanted was too much and that I was saving for college. She responded by saying that she would have to think about whether or not she wanted to continue this relationship.
tl;dr: Girlfriend is upset I didn't get her an expensive gift and is threatening to break up with me
Bonus:
quote:She has always had expensive taste. But she should have factored me into her decision on where she went to college and instead she only considered what she wanted instead of thinking of our future together. quote:Yes, I want to marry her. quote:quote:Taking someone on a shopping trip does not count as a birthday present if you don't buy them anything.
I took the day off from BOTH of my jobs to spend time with her. I lost money by spending the day with her.
quote:Going out of state to college when she got a full ride instate and turned it down because she wanted to go to a fancy ivy league school. quote:quote:"Ivy League Girl outgrows community college guy" is a pretty common story, even for people who aren't oblivious like you.
You didn't even buy her dinner after you graciously tagged along to her shopping trip. That's not a gift no matter how you phrase it.
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May 17, 2017 00:38
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- Unload My Head
- Oct 2, 2013
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after telling me I resemble a lizard there just wasn't much coming back
Well there's the new thread title.
this one just makes me sad
let's go through the list
1. highschool sweethearts that had never dated anyone else
2. she wanted to date other people
3. he hosed someone out of revenge when they were in a committed relationship for another two years, she had a short relationship while they were broken up
4. i hope she tells his family and they disown him
At first this just seems horrible, but in a twisted way I admire his dedication to destroying his life and the life of a girl who seems to be into him.
Imagine flushing two years of your life down the toilet just to get back at someone for one bang while she was split up with you.
I took the day off from BOTH of my jobs to spend time with her. I lost money by spending the day with her.
Good to jettison this guy now. Don't wait until his cheap blockhead rear end is faced with buying decisions about houses and cars and vacations for jobs that actually pay.
Unload My Head fucked around with this message at 01:15 on May 17, 2017
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May 17, 2017 01:11
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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 Update on asexual sex weird
quote:I love being touched! I just don't find touch to be a sexual experience, regardless of location. Basically I don't really have erogenous zones. I also don't mind touching my partner in a manner they find sexually arousing. Touch wise the only thing completely off the table is being the receiving partner of penetrative sex. But of course my partner would have to understand and be okay with the idea that touching me isn't going to result in arousal on my part.
I'm pretty well wide open on the kink thing. I'm a top/switch and don't have many hard limits. There are things I wouldn't want done to myself that I'm willing to do for a partner (mainly pain play.) There's a lot of role play type stuff I have interest in...there's something very attractive to me in the idea of basically telling a story together. So impact play, pain play, tickling, role play in all it's facets (pet play, scenario play, etc, including long term role play), bondage...
I mean, kink can cover MANY things and very little of it HAS to include a sexual component. Though again, if my partner responds to it sexually that's fine and dandy. I'm also willing to cater to kinks my partner might have that I don't. Picking at random....let's say my partner has a latex fetish. There's nothing I find particularly appealing about that, but as long as they have fun I'm down to play along.
It really comes down to a different way to give your partner something they don't get outside the relationship. I mean, that's part of what makes sex between partners appealing, right? It's something you share together that they don't get in their work world or from other friendships. It's something that's yours. Kink plays that same role for me.
i mean she seems confident at least, i admire that in a weird way
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May 17, 2017 01:49
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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You think you're joking. You're not.
Those are billable hours, dude. Maybe your Mickey Mouse, bullshit operation has you drive across town in your personal vehicle for free, but around here that's cash per mile plus hazard pay. If you're self-employed, you had best be keeping those receipts for tax deductions. Taking a lady to lunch is a business transaction, as we've clearly established what prostitution is. Frankly the gf is already in debt, and if she doesn't put out soon, OP should take her to small claims court.
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May 17, 2017 02:13
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- Dead Reckoning
- Sep 13, 2011
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The asexuals I talked to on okcupid were all extremely promiscuous, based on what they told me.
I didn't try to understand.
"Sometimes I derive enjoyment from allowing attractive men I meet at music festivals to thrust their erect cocks in and out of my vagina until they ejaculate inside, but for me it's not a sexual thing."
At first this just seems horrible, but in a twisted way I admire his dedication to destroying his life and the life of a girl who seems to be into him.
Imagine flushing two years of your life down the toilet just to get back at someone for one bang while she was split up with you.
On the other hand, maybe I've been reading this thread too much, but when she told him she wanted to try being intimate with other people, I suspect she already had someone in mind/on the line. Given that she went "we need a break" -> new boyfriend -> "OK, I'm done, please take me back" in a few months.
Dead Reckoning fucked around with this message at 03:41 on May 17, 2017
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May 17, 2017 02:37
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- cyberia
- Jun 24, 2011
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Do not call me that!
Snuffles was my slave name.
You shall now call me Snowball; because my fur is pretty and white.
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What an incredible piss-baby. Why would you not want to go to Stonehenge?!?
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May 17, 2017 03:57
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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What an incredible piss-baby. Why would you not want to go to Stonehenge?!?
Have you seen it? It's like, 18" tall. Hardly impressive.
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May 17, 2017 03:59
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qAXzzHM8zLw
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May 17, 2017 03:59
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- Clark Nova
- Jul 18, 2004
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What an incredible piss-baby. Why would you not want to go to Stonehenge?!?
iirc you're not actually allowed to get very close to it. He may also have a healthy hatred for the English.
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May 17, 2017 04:53
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Today on "what did you think was going to happen?":
I [32f] forced my long-time gf [27f] to come out to her parents, her parents now hate her, and now she's shutting me out
quote:My long-time gf was not out to anyone in her family, not even her siblings. She's Chinese-American and her parents are traditional/conservative immigrants from China and homophobic. I'm white, my whole family is super supportive and liberal.
We've been dating for 3 years. We live together. I want a life with her and I am/was thinking of asking her to marry me. Her parents only know about me as a "friend". On several occasions when her mom came to visit, I was introduced as a casual friend and was treated as such. It was invalidating but I went along with it.
Ever since towards the beginning of our relationship I would ask her when she would come out to her family, etc. She would always answer that she most likely wouldn't come out because her parents would never understand and it would only cause them to disown her and devastate her parents. She has often said that I don't get it because I'm not Asian and I don't have conservative parents.
Last weekend we were talking about what to do for winter holidays and I got so fed up with pretending and being introduced to her family as the "roommate" and her being fine with that and the thought that if we were to get married, her family would be kept out of it?? We got in a big fight and I gave her an ultimatum that she had to come out to her parents or I'd leave. I'm not proud of doing this because I know it hurt her but I didn't know what else to do.
Well this weekend she came out to her parents over the phone and all hell is loose. Her parents took it very very badly. I think it was also because they had very high expectations for her in that she's the first in her family who went to college and she went to a very prestigious ivy-league school and her whole family had dreams that she would marry a well-off ivy-league man.
The long story short is her parents now hate her and have disowned her and my girlfriend is devastated. I feel really really bad about what happened and that I was the one who kept pushing about this. My girlfriend is shutting me out and I know she blames me for this. She is barely speaking to me, she won't communicate with me at all about how she's feeling, she refuses to let me touch her, she hates me and I don't know how to fix all of this. I'm lost and confused and I feel terrible and guilty about all of this. Please advise me?
tl;dr: I wanted my girlfriend to come out to her family and gave her an ultimatum. She gave came out, all hell broke loose and now she's completely shutting me out.
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May 17, 2017 05:00
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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May 17, 2017 05:01
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- Unload My Head
- Oct 2, 2013
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Today on "what did you think was going to happen?":
I [32f] forced my long-time gf [27f] to come out to her parents, her parents now hate her, and now she's shutting me out
Not that there's many happy endings in this sort of situation, but seriously, what did OP think was going to happen when her GF came out to homophobic parents?
Her age is what gets me. If she was like 21 I could see being this naive, but once you've made it three decades on this planet as a gay person I would think you'd have figured out that some people are just homophobic shitheels.
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May 17, 2017 05:56
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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My [30M] wife [29F] of 9 years very obviously does not like my tattoo idea and I'm not sure if I should cancel.
Found her, found the woman ruining men's arms.
I am really torn here because only the trashiest people like tribal tatoos and yet someone wanting a Simba tattoo is basically a furry if you squint hard enough. I can't decide if they both deserve each other or just the sweet release of death.
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May 17, 2017 05:58
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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I [32f] forced my long-time gf [27f] to come out to her parents, her parents now hate her, and now she's shutting me out
Its like the complete inverse story from that girl who was upset her dad was like "your gay, so what" where she built it up to be a massive heart wrenching experience and didnt get it.
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May 17, 2017 06:00
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Her age is what gets me. If she was like 21 I could see being this naive, but once you've made it three decades on this planet as a gay person I would think you'd have figured out that some people are just homophobic shitheels.
Many white liberals in cities live in a bubble and do not understand that anything outside of thier experience exists. It lost them the last two mid term election cycles and caused HRC to lose to the one candidate we all thought could not possibly pull out a win.
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May 17, 2017 06:01
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- Streak
- May 16, 2004
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Daughter gay. So what
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May 17, 2017 06:15
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 17, 2024 00:03
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- CharlestheHammer
- Jun 26, 2011
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YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!
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He owns. Shame that wasn't hereditary.
Nah he was a dick.
But he fixed it so happy ending.
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May 17, 2017 06:19
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May 16, 2017 23:47
