- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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Society should just sack up and determine that if there's a stalemate on the naming process the baby defaults to Pnurtis
EDIT: shameful contentless snipe
My mother-in-law (57f) doesn't believe that my husband (30m) is the father of our baby. I (32f) don't know what to do.
quote:
u/greygreythrowaway
My husband and I have been together for four years, married for two. My husband is Indian, I am white.
I have always gotten along with my mother-in-law. She was warm and welcoming from the beginning and I really like her. She was over moon when we told her I was pregnant. Our daughter (Sarah) is her first grandchild.
While I was pregnant my husband and I joked together about how the baby might look 100% white. In all seriousness we both knew she would probably look very white at first and get darker with time. She was born a month ago and does indeed look like any other white baby but she has a full head of black hair and brown eyes. My husband and I think she's gorgeous.
Anyway, my husband and I decided early on that we didn't want any visitors in the hospital while I was giving birth and that we wanted one week at home with her before introducing her to family members. We just wanted a little privacy and peace during a crazy time. My MIL wasn't thrilled by this but she did respect it. She came to our house three weeks ago with my father-in-law and sister-in-law. She had a huge grin on get face as I walked towards her with Sarah in my arms. But when she saw my baby's face everything changed. She began shrieking (and I mean shrieking) that the baby wasn't my husband's. My husband and I were stunned. The baby started to cry and everything sort of dissolved into chaos. My husband tried to explain that it's totally normal for the baby to be so pale but she wouldn't calm down enough to hear him. They all left without any of them even holding the baby.
That was the weeks ago. In the weeks since my husband has spoken to her over the phone many times, telling her that he is certain that baby is his. He even pointed out to her that she herself is light skinned for an Indian woman but since my husband is darker she thinks Sarah should be darker. She has refused to see me or Sarah until we do a paternity test.
My husband has no doubts about Sarah being his. But he has asked me to do the test for his mother's sake...and for Sarah's. He wants her to have a relationship with her grandmother. I do too. Or, I did. I'm not sure anymore.
My family lives very far away (ten hours by plane) while my husband's family is less than an hour by car. I was counting on my MIL to be a big part of Sarah's life and she was very excited about spending time with her granddaughter. But now I don't know if I could ever leave Sarah with a woman who can come unhinged so easily.
What do I do? Do I swallow my pride and get the test done? Even if I do how can I trust my MIL's behavior and judgment after this?
TL;DR - MIL doesn't believe my daughter is my husband's child because her skin is too light. What do I do?
Edit- *In case anyone wants more details about her reaction here's one of my comment replies:
You didn't see her. She flew off the handle at the mere sight of my child. She screamed at me. She screamed at my husband. She called me things in Hindi so insulting that my husband won't tell me what was said.*
Bubblyblubber fucked around with this message at 17:07 on May 24, 2017
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May 24, 2017 17:03
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 07:22
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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"What will my first major decision to make sure my child won't eventually be socially scarred before he or she exits the womb be?"
For non-white families this can be crushing since youre given a choice of limiting their future or giving up cultural touchstones.
Conversely, white people picking stupid names is great because it opens up more cover for what is an acceptable name. Devontae isnt super weird when he shares class with Kiad and Lakynn
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May 24, 2017 17:04
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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[19F] am an au pair wondering if I should leave
quote:
Hello Reddit,
I've posted this in the au pairs sub but nobody commented.
I'm an au pair (basically live-in nanny who goes to another country to teach kids English) of a wonderful family in Italy (parents 40ish). I have been here so far for about two weeks, and am supposed to be here until late July or early August. There are three kids, two boys [14 and ~9]. And then there is Abby.
Abby 4 years old. I knew the kids' ages when I planned to come down, and having experience with kids felt this would be a great experience. Wrong. Abby is spoiled, rude, etc. It seems that the Italian way (or maybe just this family's) is to cater to the child's every whim--- she has learned that as soon as she wants something and doesn't get it, the immediate reaction is the scream until she gets it. The boys are fine, albeit normal 9 and 14 year olds, and have been raised to cater to her as well. For example, she went into the bathroom and knocked over a whole basket full of makeup. I ask her to clean it up, and she couldn't even tell me no before the 14 year old starts doing it for her.
She knocked over a bag of legos, and when I asked her to clean it up, she said no and refused to until I had to threaten her and then started screaming and crying (I realize this may be normal behavior but it is on top of her other behaviors). If she doesn't get ice cream, she screams until she can't anymore. These aren't whines, they are full on "I'm being murdered please help me" screams and cries. She has kicked me twice in one day and has tried to kick me at least once a day. She has thrown things hard at my head, has tried punching, and even kicked her brother in the face as hard as she could after I told her to stop kicking the back of his head.
The parents are very nice but don't discipline her. She wasn't even reprimanded when she kicked her brother in the face. Another example, The oldest and her were watching videos on a phone. Abby took the phone and he took it right back. She started screaming and crying IMMEDIATELY and the parents started yelling at the boy; I've noticed a trend that she will do something (like how she hit her brother in the face, he lightly tapped her forehead and she screamed and cried again) and they will yell at the boys for it. In my opinion they get yelled at a lot, not in an abusive way but they will get mad at them for things she does.
If the tv, radio, etc gets turned off or is not a show she likes, she screams and cries and it's changed to what she likes. We were all in the car listening to normal music and she screamed until they put on Pinocchio, and when they eventually gave her headphones to watch YouTube videos she screamed and cried because she didn't want to wear them. This morning getting ready for school, she was eating while watching tv. She was about to be late because of watching tv and the show was over so I didn't continue it. She points, screams, and cries because I tell her to finish her food so she can get dressed. Her father comes in and tells her that she's late, and she points to the tv. He immediately cuts the tv back on for her, and she doesn't finish her food so it resulted in us almost being late.
Probably my worst experience would be that she is potty trained, I have seen her use it, but has a bowl from training. She was watching tv and instead of using the bathroom, goes into the bathroom, gets the bowl and comes to SIT IN THE LIVING ROOM TO POOP so she can keep watching tv. I try to say "come on, let's go to the bathroom!" And she refuses. I assumed it was because of the TV so I cut it off and she screams and cries because she wants to watch TV while she takes a poo poo. So I finally get her to go to the bathroom where I have to wash her poo poo bowl.
I've talked to friends about this and they're all like wtf, but I have been documenting most events by telling my mother who raised two demon children (myself and my brother, lol) herself, and she has agreed that this is NOT NORMAL, and definitely not enough pay/not what I signed up for. I have brought it up with the mother that maybe we have different teaching styles, and some tips for this, and she says that this is normal behavior, and that all kids do this; no kid I've ever been around does this. I understand children cry and have tantrums, but I would say she is screaming and crying 70-80% of the time we are together.
I'm not set on leaving yet but everyone is telling me to. I'm going to try and give it a week or two but I'm not sure. I have made a commitment and want to stick to it, but these first few weeks have shown me what it will be like... and this is not what I signed up for; I cannot play super nanny and undo every bad habit that has been learned and reinforced by adults who do not punish their children in 3 months, especially when it gets reinforced as soon as the parents come home. I am not even with this child much of the day by myself; in the mornings sometimes and from around 4-8, so I'm very anxious for when school lets out soon and I have to deal with it all day.
As I said, I have tried talking with the parents. Is this something I should wait out for, or should I just take the loss/failure and move on? I've been thinking if I do leave that I should just say that we have different teaching styles and I don't believe that I am a good fit to take care of her, as I am uncomfortable being around her.
Also, I hung out with a student who was supposed to be their au pair during the school year just before I came but couldn't because of school. After babysitting only 4 times, she told me that she thought it was probably a blessing in disguise that she couldn't do it because of Abby (she was drawing on the walls with marker and she had to wrestle to get the markers away from her, resulting in Abby hitting herself in the head a little and subsequently screaming and crying)
TL;DR been here two weeks and leaving in August, but one child is not disciplined at all with parents who say this is "normal" and is sucking the life out of me. Should I leave after giving it a week or two if it doesn't improve? And what should I say?
EDIT: forgot to add one of the bad ones. I had a teddy bear from my boyfriend that she had not seen before. She constantly grabs for him and I said she could pet him but not hold (she was sick and coughing/had snot running down her nose. We go to get in the car to go somewhere and I put him in the trunk (it was overnight). We get to our destination and I'm standing with the bear in my arms; she walks up to me, GRABS HIS FUR, blows her nose into it, smiles and walks away. This was not "I have to sneeze and grab the closest thing next to me". This was walk from the hallway, into my room, grab his leg and purposefully snot all over it. I almost blew up at her. The mom doesn't say anything and later I ask for a blow dryer so I could wash the snot off of him and dry it, and she asks why and I tell her. She just says "oh, ok" and doesn't say anything else.
EDIT 2: if I do leave I have plans to just go home, I have plenty of money to safely head back and all that. This was done for the experience, not for a profession or anything
EDIT 3: they have a chair in front of railing that guards stone steps; last night she was standing on the the chair leaning over the railing, and the dad asked multiple times for her to get down. She refuses so he tells ME to ask her to get down. I have no problem with this, even though I'm off duty, but it's to the point where she doesn't even listen to her parents for her own safety. I asked her and she ignored me so I started to remove her hands from the railing, and he comes over and starts to do it then. It's like they don't know how to deal with her. I don't want her hurting herself under my care.
Do not negotiate with terrorist 4 year olds
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May 24, 2017 17:09
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Society should just sack up and determine that if there's a stalemate on the naming process the baby defaults to Pnurtis
EDIT: shameful contentless snipe
My mother-in-law (57f) doesn't believe that my husband (30m) is the father of our baby. I (32f) don't know what to do.
LOL I had to explain to a very young African-American dad that babies can take months/years to get as dark as they're going to get because he freaked out on the mom.
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May 24, 2017 17:12
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Society should just sack up and determine that if there's a stalemate on the naming process the baby defaults to Pnurtis
EDIT: shameful contentless snipe
My mother-in-law (57f) doesn't believe that my husband (30m) is the father of our baby. I (32f) don't know what to do.
Get the paternity test, but whenever grandma is around tell the kid grandma doesnt love her because of the color of her skin.
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May 24, 2017 17:17
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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Jackson is okay and Noah is straight garbage. As the arbiter of good names I have spoken.
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May 24, 2017 17:24
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- Cough Drop The Beat
- Jan 22, 2012
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by Lowtax
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[19F] am an au pair wondering if I should leave
Do not negotiate with terrorist 4 year olds
It's basically an impossible nightmare to be a nanny for kids who suffer from terrible parenting. My girlfriend is a full-time nanny and has great kids with extremely supportive parents, but she used to have major issues with parents who had messed up expectations or just plain didn't care and it was horrible.
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May 24, 2017 17:24
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- Rat Patrol
- Feb 15, 2008
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kill kill kill kill
kill me now
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My mother-in-law (57f) doesn't believe that my husband (30m) is the father of our baby. I (32f) don't know what to do.
This one actually had a pretty nice update.
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May 24, 2017 17:28
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- The_end
- May 17, 2014
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This one actually had a pretty nice update.
Tell us the basics.
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May 24, 2017 17:37
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- Rat Patrol
- Feb 15, 2008
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kill kill kill kill
kill me now
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Mother in law actually came forward to apologize apparently of her own volition. Said she didn't really believe the kid wasn't her son's, just that she'd been getting more and more upset with how they gave the kid a western name and didn't do any ceremonies to reflect her heritage and when she came out even looking white, it just broke MIL's brain. Mother laid down some firm boundaries and explained how lousy that had been and how she didn't know if she could trust MIL alone with the baby if she could freak out that easily. MIL agreed to the boundaries and so the parents agreed to an Indian naming ceremony.
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May 24, 2017 17:47
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- many johnnys
- May 17, 2015
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I've never met a person named Jackson who wasn't an insufferable piece of poo poo
Pnurtis "49 cent" Jackson
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May 24, 2017 17:52
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- Anony Mouse
- Jan 30, 2005
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A name means nothing on the battlefield. After a week, no one has a name.
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Lipstick Apathy
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I [24F] caught my fiancé [24M] of four years emailing a man on Craigslist two weeks before the wedding. What now?
quote:I don't even know where to start. This happened last night and I'm shaking from anxiety still.
Backstory: We're supposed to elope in two weeks. He has depression and anxiety and his medication for that was recently increased with lots of side effects. He quit his job in March due to panic attacks. I have anxiety and depression of my own but I'm not doing anything about them right now except seeing a counsellor biweekly.
We've been having fights for over a week. Small things where he gets irritated, then gets mad at himself for not being compatible with me. I consider those fights a side effect of his meds, which make him irritable. He's also been watching porn for months and masturbating every day, which he never used to do (seriously). When we first got together he told me he was asexual.
We also haven't had sex since August of last year since I was diagnosed with lichen sclerosus, a skin disease of the vaginal area that comes with lots of little cuts and rips in the area. I've been working on getting better but the medication I was given doesn't really help, so it's been very slow going.
Last night I made him his favourite meal for dinner. He had answered a text earlier in the evening that I was too far away to read, and it was making me suspicious. Up until last night, I've been extremely anxious and paranoid about him cheating on me (which he's made fun of), but I've never actually had reason to believe he was doing anything. So while he was eating, I looked at his phone. On the screen was an email to a Craigslist ad, subject "Curious".
It immediately made me anxious and I confronted him about it a few minutes later. He looked very sad and ashamed and when I asked him what the gently caress he was doing, was he cheating on me?, he said he'd been messaging other men sometimes.
Then he had a five hour panic attack where I had to sit on his chest and put my full weight into his wrists so he would stop hitting himself. He expressed multiple times that he wanted to die. Through all this, even though I have anxiety and was shaking the entire time, I found a calm anger within myself and talked him through it.
To be honest, at that moment I wasn't mad about it. If it had been women it would have been worse (to me) due to a possible emotional aspect, but I think I viewed the men being more like porn and not cheating. Which surprised both of us because I've always said cheating is the worst thing he could do to me.
He was mad that I wasn't more angry. The only thing that made me angry - and the more I think about it the worse it gets - is that he was sending this email while I was slaving over his favourite dinner, and he wasn't masturbating or horny at the time.
Anyway, once he managed to calm down, he admitted that he hasn't been sexually attracted to me for months (since the med increase probably). The one time I tried having sex with him in the past 9 months, which hurt me very badly but was something I wanted to try, he said he didn't want to do it at all but didn't want to tell me.
He still loves me and still wants to be with me. When I asked if he still wanted to get married, he got a physical pain in his stomach that made him almost vomit, so I never got an answer to that. He's mad at himself for hurting me, not supporting me through this health problem while I've been supporting his by working full time (three jobs at one point), and for not being able to be trustworthy.
We talked about the side effects of his meds and how he's been acting out and acting much differently since it got increased. He'll go back to a lower dosage and see if it helps his impulsive behaviour. He also talked about stuff his mom said to him a few months ago before everything blew up (when he quit his job and had an anxiety relapse after almost a year without it) - how she said she was praying for him to stop smoking weed and playing video games. And how everything else she said in the conversation ruined his perspective on life. She's honestly not a nice person; she tells him a lot of mean poo poo and they don't get along 90% of the time.
I still love him. I still want to be with him and get married. He's starting therapy for his mental health issues soon and I think that'll help combined with going back to what we know is a stable dose.
Maybe I'm still in shock and you think I'm stupid for believing that this is all medication, but I've seen what it does to him. He is a different person when he starts a higher dose. It would be easy to cancel the wedding if that's what he wants, but it's not what I want. My automatic reaction is to say that I love him and want to be with him, but I'm so clouded by anxiety that I can't tell if that's brave or stupid.
TL;DR - haven't had sex for a year because of my health problem. He's depressed and anxious, on new medication. Caught him emailing a m4m ad on Craigslist, confronted him, and he tried to hurt himself. Said he's not sexually attracted to me anymore. Wedding's in two weeks. The gently caress do I do now?   
Anony Mouse fucked around with this message at 18:26 on May 24, 2017
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May 24, 2017 18:19
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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I [41M] found my wife's [33F] secret facebook account. Is she cheating??
quote:
Hi, r/relationships. Never thought I'd be posting here, and still not sure whether this is the right place to be looking for counsel, since much of reddit, from what I've noticed, deals in extremes. However, I'm too ashamed to share my troubles with anyone offline, and I feel without letting out what's been bothering me for the past 3 days I might end up doing something that I might regret later.
My wife and I have been together for more than three years, married for a little over one and a half. We have a kid- a 7 year old girl- from her previous marriage. My wife and I have quite a bit in common. We used to be avid travelers in our twenties, both of us are fitness zealots, and strangely enough both of us used to be nudists- she up till her mid 20s, and me well up till my early 30s. Other than that we're a run of the mill family of three. Or, at least, that's what I thought.
Last Saturday night I discovered my wife's secret facebook account where, from the looks of it, she's been sharing her scantly clothed photos for years. The oldest one goes as far back as February, 2012, before we ever met. That night, seeing that she had dozed off on the couch while online I took the liberty of borrowing her laptop for a moment to look at some old photos. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I stumbled upon her secret facebook with a pseudonym and 124 photos. None of the photos expose her face, but they are raunchy to say the least. The kind you won't share on your social media unless you're a glamour model or a pornstar. She has more than 600 friends and a couple hundred followers. Most, if not all, are male. I don't think I need to go into details about what kind of lewd comments were there in the comments sections. And judging by her suggestive replies I think she enjoys every single one of them. For hours I just sat there, befuddled, browsing through her racy, semi-nude photos, hopelessly trying to convince myself that it's not really my wife.
As I said, although she never revealed her face in the photos she put there, I identified her every single tattoo. As baffled as I was, I then found the 3 facebook groups that she's member of. All three were about sharing amateur risque photos of women. One was particularly about married women. Didn't take me long to dig up some of her photos that my wife's posted in all those three groups.
Then there were the chats. As you'd guess she receives thousands of messages, but after sifting through enough of that poo poo I noticed she keeps in touch with 6-7 guys. Now, this is the part which hurt me the most out of all- not only does she shares topless photos (again no face) with those guys, she belittles me and our marriage every chance she gets in the chats. "I was stupid to marry that baby dick loser", "it's a matter of time before I cheat on him lol....if you're nice to me it could be with you", "looks like you have what it takes to satisfy me....wish I had met you before I got married"- I could go on for pages. I took screenshots of everything and saved all the photos. I couldn't sleep the whole night and the next day, only to get some rest the next night after drowning myself in alcohol.
My rant is already longer than I thought it'd be. I'm yet to confront my wife. Partly because I'm still in denial. I feel like I'd snap out of this any moment now. Even if I disregard the photos how can I ignore the things she had to say about me to her online admirers?
tl;dr: I found my wife's secret facebook account with racy images and hurtful chats that point to infidelity
Feel like that's the wrong question to be asking here boy-o
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May 24, 2017 18:23
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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I [41M] found my wife's [33F] secret facebook account. Is she cheating??
Feel like that's the wrong question to be asking here boy-o
No no, its right there in the Bible, you cant divorce unless the other person cheats.
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May 24, 2017 18:27
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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i wan my babydick babydick babydick chiiiiliiii's babydick riiiibs
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May 24, 2017 18:30
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- Yawgmoth
- Sep 10, 2003
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This post is cursed!
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i wan my babydick babydick babydick chiiiiliiii's babydick riiiibs
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May 24, 2017 19:15
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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Here's a fun post on r/incels, the topic was dumb but the comment is real good, especially the website
quote:You go to Asia as a white man for sex, not """love"""
"""Love""" is an invention of 13th century French troubadours. It doesn't exist:
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/CY-HOAX.html
You are chasing a fantasy, one that humans, due to their nature, are fundamentally incapable of making a reality
If you're looking for """love""" from human scum, it's clear that years of being discriminated, oppressed and despised based on your looks/height/race has taught you nothing
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May 24, 2017 19:21
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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my god it's full of stars
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May 24, 2017 19:23
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Ah yes, northern asia a place where overwhelming cultural pressure isnt to immediately lock down long term relationship with marriage as a veet near term goal as anything else would be both embarassing and extremely detrimental to the womans future.
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May 24, 2017 19:24
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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actually i went to asia for taro ice cream and ＶＡＰＯＲＷＡＶＥ ＡＥＳＴＨＥＴＩＣ
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May 24, 2017 19:25
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- LGD
- Sep 25, 2004
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Nah, Biblical names never go out of style.
P. sure 'Nimrod' did during the 20th century (to the degree that it was ever in style)
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May 24, 2017 19:29
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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i really want to go to U of Minn's Unitarian mass now
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May 24, 2017 19:30
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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P. sure 'Nimrod' did during the 20th century (to the degree that it was ever in style)
My roommate's dad is named Nimrod
He goes by Steve
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May 24, 2017 19:32
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- Thumbtacks
- Apr 3, 2013
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That website was last revised February 2016
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May 24, 2017 19:34
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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P. sure 'Nimrod' did during the 20th century (to the degree that it was ever in style)
Jezebel being another.
My favorite was finding a kid who was named Onan and just loving losing it.
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May 24, 2017 19:34
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 07:22
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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P. sure 'Nimrod' did during the 20th century (to the degree that it was ever in style)
Shame too, because Nimrod was a great hunter.
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May 24, 2017 19:34
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May 24, 2017 17:03
this one is my cat
a good cat
) but she is absolute hell on Earth and is so full of hate I am surprised she wasn't cast for Dex-Starr.
look at that hateful old biddy.
