/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Haifisch posted:

Bleep bloop.

My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] of 6 months continues to carry pepper spray around me.

He should start carrying pepper spray as well, which will prompt her to up her game, leading to a romantic arms race that consumes the world in capsaicin passion.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:29

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2024 00:11

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

agreeing with relationships posters is the worst crime imo

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:29

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

food court bailiff posted:

Blue Train has to be loving trolling because holy poo poo how can anyone be that stupid and not have a mod star

Too much exposure to reddit rotted his brain. Now he's the guy crying out that he's not owned as he slowly transforms into a corn cob.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:30

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

I'm disagreeing with the reddit posters tho??!??

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:31

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Admiral Ray posted:

He should start carrying pepper spray as well, which will prompt her to up her game, leading to a romantic arms race that consumes the world in capsaicin passion.

Hot

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:31

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

capsaicin is for weak babies, resiniferatoxin is where it's at these days

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:34

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Here, have the most annoyingly formatted post on reddit:

I(26/F) have a crush on our Repair Technician(M/35-40) at work; tips on snatching up this handsome salt and pepper fox?

quote:

So a couple weeks ago we started having problems with our safe at work.

So my manager put in a work order and the repair guy showed up during my shift, he was working in close proximity to me because he was down on the floor under my register.

We spent the whole time there bumping into eachother and exchanging embarrassed apologies.

I thought he was very handsome for an older(than me) guy (35-40); he was tall, on the thinner side, with dark short hair he wore under a baseball cap with his company logo on it, and dark eyes.

Definitely my type, but he wasn't paying attention to me, or so I thought.

I joked with him that he looked like someone I knew, and called him "Dave" the rest of the night because thats the name of the person he looks like to me. He would laugh every time.

He fixed our safe, and left.

Our safe breaks again, they send "Dave" back. I'm working this day as well, but on the other side of the store so I didn't see him until I hopped over to drop money.

I go "DAVE!" and as I stoop down next to him to put my money in the safe, I ask him what his actual name is, he goes "Mike".

He's switching sides to reboot the other safe while I'm getting a drink(read: standing around on my phone), and he alters his course throught the back room and wanders over to me, he idles next to me for a second.

I go "hey Mike, what's up? Oh! Did you wanna see who I think you look like?" And I pulled up that person's Instagram.

He immitated the face they were making and then goes "but I'm cuter than they are, right?"

I look at him, and go "oh yeah, definitely." And then wink at him and head back to my register.

I was just being funny, and I was in a good mood. I didn't see his reaction.

He shows up Tuesday, again.

I was in an awesome mood, plus I'd done my hair for work, so not only was I happy, but I looked good too.

He's on the other side of my store at first at first, then ends up on my side for a while.

He keeps looking at me and whenever I'd look over he'd catch my eye and wink at me; my stomach would flutter a little each time and my face would get red.

I realized I was crushing on him a little.

So I was like "okay. Two can flirt at this game".

It was game, set, match after that.

I kept having to step over his bag/past him, so I'd put my hand on his back/shoulder every time I passed him.

He kept saying "sorry", and I kept going "you're alright, stud(handsome, sugar, baby, sweetheart, etc)." He'd laugh and give me a sultry side eye glance and a wink every time.

It slowed down momentarily, and he looked over at me while working on the safe and we were alone, and goes "I need your number".

I almost died of shock.

I probably had a deer in headlights look, I wasn't expecting him to ask that or even give me the time of day!

He sees my face, smirks, and points into the recesses of the safe and goes "your login for the safe?".

I deflate a little, I go "oh. [Number.]"

He asks me for a dollar to drop in the safe to test and make sure it works properly. He seemed finished on my side of the store, but left his work bag on my side, next to my register behind the counter(a pain in the rear end, because I kept stepping over it, and he kept coming back to get poo poo out of it.) I have no clue if this was on purpose.

I write my phone number and name down on a piece of paper, because I'm not letting him get away this time.

I stash it in his bag(it was unzipped), with a little encouraging from my work best friend.

He's finished on the other side and comes back for his bag.

He has a piece of paper and a pen, and because its shift change its a little hectic.

He stands there for a second, looking out of place, clearly waiting for me to have a second free and as I pass him to reach into the overhead for cigs he goes "I need the rest of your information.", and grins at me.

I take the pen and paper from him and go "Like this?" And jot down my number.

I hand him back his pen and wink at him, and he grins again, flushes slightly, and nods.

Then he clears his throat, readjusts his hat, picks up his bag, and leaves.

It's been two days and he hasn't at least texted me.

I can't get him out of my head, and I know he's going to come into my store again to fix our safe.

He has no rings on, and even if he doesn't want a relationship, I'd tap that just to scratch the itch.

TL;DR: Repair guy comes into my work. We flirt innocently, and then he asks for my number. He hasn't called, and I can't get him out of my head. Would it be weird to ask him for his number next time I see him?

How do I nail down this handsome salt and pepper fox? Would it be weird to ask for his number next time around instead? Or do I just leave it alone and hope he eventually calls?

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:34

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

Call and ask him to come fix your pipes

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:36

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Haifisch posted:

Here, have the most annoyingly formatted post on reddit:

I(26/F) have a crush on our Repair Technician(M/35-40) at work; tips on snatching up this handsome salt and pepper fox?

Leave erotic novels of your choice in the safe this time, with extra details of what you want done. Then, when he's busy fixing the safe, steal his tools and hide them around the store. Replace them with random sex toys and cards to restaurants you like. Boom, marriage will be next week.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:40

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

you, idiot: Domestic abusers often strive to gradually isolate their victims in an environment of arbitrary, unpredictable outbursts, followed by minimizing and dismissing the event so as to foster an overall pattern of dependency and learned helplessness in the victim, whose wellbeing grows to depend on reflexively placating the whims of their abuser at all times, no matter how unreasonable

me, enlightened: There is literally no such thing as abuse. What is abuse, even? Nobody can define it, because it doesn't exist lol

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Aug 15, 2017

# ? Aug 15, 2017 02:55

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Blue Train posted:

I think the line is nowhere near deleted tv show

The issue isn't deleting her show, the issue is that he deleted her show as a punishment for her not bowing to his humiliating control tactics. This is emotional abuse.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:03

TERRIBLE SHITLORD: Oct 20, 2005; MY NIGGA HAVE
YOU TRIED LSD

Haifisch posted:

I(26/F) have a crush on our Repair Technician(M/35-40) at work; tips on snatching up this handsome salt and pepper fox?

This woman sounds insufferable. Dude doesn't give a poo poo about you, stop being wierd when he is working just so you can 'scratch the itch'. Creep.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:04

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Haifisch posted:

Bleep bloop.

My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] of 6 months continues to carry pepper spray around me.

This guy is incredibly dumb. Does he not understand what habits are and that her carrying pepper spray has nothing to do with him?

Also, super lol @ Blue Train thinking it's only abuse if you need to escape to a shelter to get away. The fact that he's escalating the behavior as they get closer to being married just means it's going to keep getting worse with time. Not saying the guy is gonna go Buffalo Bill on her, but he's grooming her to not recognize abuse.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:15

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

I'm saying the guy is gonna go Buffalo bill

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:17

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

Here, have the most annoyingly formatted post on reddit:

I(26/F) have a crush on our Repair Technician(M/35-40) at work; tips on snatching up this handsome salt and pepper fox?

Insipid homewrecker. This red A's for you dipshit.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:25

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

He's just doing his job, don't be so judgemental

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:26

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [16F] boyfriend dropped a can of Dr.Pepper from the second floor. It hit a guy Owen [16M] on the football team. I'm wondering if I should say anything. The football team, Owen girlfriend and the principal are on the warpath

quote:

Hi Reddit. This happened Friday at school and I need some advice.

My boyfriend and his friends were on the second floor during lunch. On the second level you can peer down to the first floor over the cafeteria. So basically there is a bunch of tables with people sitting and eating underneath where we were. My boyfriend had the bright idea to throw a can of unopened DR.Pepper down there.

It hit a guy Owen in the shoulder and he was grasping his shoulder. Owen is in some of my classes and on the football team. His girlfriend was trying to see if he was OK. He was still holding his shoulder when the guys said they better run. His football teammates came over to see if he was OK.

Some of the guys on the football team are saying he has a break of something in his shoulder. Not surprising since my boyfriend through it down with force trying to hit the ground. The principal is on the war path trying to find out who did it. Our teachers spoke to us about dropping things down from the second level to the first level. My health teacher said Owen should be counting his lucky stars it did not hit his head.

Do I say something, because I feel really guilty

tl;dr: do I say something

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:28

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Haifisch posted:

My [16F] boyfriend dropped a can of Dr.Pepper from the second floor. It hit a guy Owen [16M] on the football team. I'm wondering if I should say anything. The football team, Owen girlfriend and the principal are on the warpath

Is today's secret word Dr. Pepper?

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:30

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

no snitchin

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:32

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

La Brea Carpet posted:

Is today's secret word Dr. Pepper?

Just regular old uncertified pepper.

My [F19] roommate [F19] is paranoid and it's getting on my nerves.

quote:

I moved in with my roommate, Tammy, about 2 weeks ago. At first, she seemed cool. Then slowly, her paranoia became more clear.

She specifically scheduled her evening classes so that she would have someone to walk her the ~.5 mile home. However, she does not carry pepper spray or a knife or use the SafeTrek app like I do. But that's no big deal - it's her life.

My issue is that she keeps locking me out. Our door has two deadbolts - the bottom one can be locked and unlocked from inside and out. The top one can only be locked and unlocked from the inside. She constantly keeps the top one locked when she's home alone. This has lead to me having to call her or bang on the door to let me in multiple times. She also has a habit of asking when or if I'm coming home nearly every night so that she can do the deadbolt without having to get up and let me in.

I've tried to explain to her that if someone really wanted to break in, the extra deadbolt wouldn't stop them. The door is easily 10 years old and warped - I could kick it in. So there's no point in locking me out.

She also badgers me to lock our balcony door every time I leave. Our balcony door is only accessible from the inside of the apartment and the balcony. Someone would have to scale four stories to reach it. Not to mention, the door is glass and easily breakable, so it's not like a lock really matters.

Some of this came to a head last night. I got home around midnight and the was locked out. My phone was dead so I had to beat on the door to get her to let me in. Well, there was a party across the hall and I was explaining to the people why I was locked it of my own apartment. When she opened the door she heard me talking about her. So, when I got inside, she explained that she'd locked the inside deadbolt because of the party next door. I opened the door and showed her that both locks were 1-inch thick metal, and told her she didn't need the second one. She said that the first one had keys to it and when I said "Tammy, who, besides management and us, is going to have keys to our door?" She said "well I'm just being safe."

I'm tired of being locked out of my own apartment that I pay $800/mo to live in. I'm tired of feeling like I have to check in with a "mom". I really just want to remove the cylinder from the top deadbolt and let her live in fear, but that seems like a bad idea.

What do I do?

TL;DR Roommate is paranoid about intruders and keeps locking me out of apartment with lock only accessible from inside. What do I do?

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:38

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

The op is wrong

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:42

Earnestly: Apr 24, 2010; Jazz hands!

Install an extra deadbolt to her bedroom door that can only be accessed from the outside. Duh. Is this your first roommate rodeo?

# ? Aug 15, 2017 03:48

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

After 6 years of domestic bliss, my boyfriend acts strangely one night.

"ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP; PATTERN OF ESCALATION; ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE"

Edit: well, it looks like this train has left the station, Mr. Pib.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:23

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

everyone that posts to reddit about the state of their relationship is being abused, either by themselves or their partner/subject.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:28

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Did you unironically post domestic bliss in a thread were 90% of the posts contain the sentence "We have (insert huge problem) but otherwise our relationship is perfect"? Because no one is that dumb.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:28

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Anne Whateley posted:

When we talk about frogs in boiling water, that's the guy cranking up the flame. Out of the blue, he ordered her to do something demeaning, uncomfortable, and work-making for zero reason except sadism, and punished her when she didn't do it exactly how he wanted, and now the entire thing is her fault and she's untrustworthy and she should feel guilty and make it up to him.

That dude is loving nuts.

When you see a case of full-blown abuse, there are a ton of "she should have punched him in the teeth!!! what a dumbass, she should have left years ago!!!" comments, but then when there's a really really clear precursor like this it's "he's not a bad guy, he's just joking around, you're going to leave him for that??? omg so sensitive dumb princess"

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:32

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Earlier in this thread, someone talked about how things were usually good in her relationship, except for, oh, I don't know, her partner drugging her against her explicit wishes and sharing her naked pictures with his friends, also against her explicit wishes. So I think erring on the side of "this might be indicative of a bigger problem this person is not really expressing" is reasonable.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:34

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Haifisch posted:

My [F19] roommate [F19] is paranoid and it's getting on my nerves.

take the deadbolt apart and remove the bolt part. i had this same situation once except my roomie wasn't paranoid, just a half deaf stoner who would get super blazed and listen to tool incredibly loudly while i was beating on the door cursing his mother. i dont think he ever noticed that the second deadbolt didn't work

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:43

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Earlier in this thread, someone talked about how things were usually good in her relationship, except for, oh, I don't know, her partner drugging her against her explicit wishes and sharing her naked pictures with his friends, also against her explicit wishes. So I think erring on the side of "this might be indicative of a bigger problem this person is not really expressing" is reasonable.

Yeah, exactly this. Obviously we don't know either of the people involved but weird and uncomfortable behavior can escalate.

My one quibble would be that abuse is used in the context of a pattern of behavior, and we don't know a lot about the patterns of behavior here. But I can say that punishing your partner for not doing a humiliating task you randomly demanded of them is abusive without knowing the larger context, because it is characteristic of abuse.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 04:48

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Anne Whateley posted:

When we talk about frogs in boiling water, that's the guy cranking up the flame. Out of the blue, he ordered her to do something demeaning, uncomfortable, and work-making for zero reason except sadism, and punished her when she didn't do it exactly how he wanted, and now the entire thing is her fault and she's untrustworthy and she should feel guilty and make it up to him.

That dude is loving nuts.

When you see a case of full-blown abuse, there are a ton of "she should have punched him in the teeth!!! what a dumbass, she should have left years ago!!!" comments, but then when there's a really really clear precursor like this it's "he's not a bad guy, he's just joking around, you're going to leave him for that??? omg so sensitive dumb princess"

# ? Aug 15, 2017 05:02

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

*scrolls through the entirety of Tumblr and lands on an old WWI document detailing a 17-year-old private who wakes up screaming every night thinking he's still getting shelled in the Somme* lol triggered much. literally shaking. what a special snowflake :rolleyes:

# ? Aug 15, 2017 05:17

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

*scrolls through the entirety of Tumblr and lands on an old WWI document detailing a 17-year-old private who wakes up screaming every night thinking he's still getting shelled in the Somme* lol triggered much. literally shaking. what a special snowflake

# ? Aug 15, 2017 05:41

Blue Train: Jun 17, 2012

smh

# ? Aug 15, 2017 05:44

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

tactlessbastard posted:

Well, gently caress you then. I can see there's no reason to continue this discussion. Get a bike, bitch.

more like carlessbastard.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 05:49

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

quote:

So I was like "okay. Two can flirt at this game

gently caress yooooouuuu

# ? Aug 15, 2017 06:23

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

gently caress yooooouuuu

quote:

He kept saying "sorry", and I kept going "you're alright, stud(handsome, sugar, baby, sweetheart, etc)." He'd laugh and give me a sultry side eye glance and a wink every time.

It slowed down momentarily, and he looked over at me while working on the safe and we were alone, and goes "I need your number".

I almost died of shock.

Why? Was this babbys first flirt?

# ? Aug 15, 2017 11:40

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

blarzgh posted:

After 6 years of domestic bliss, my boyfriend acts strangely one night.

"ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP; PATTERN OF ESCALATION; ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE"

Edit: well, it looks like this train has left the station, Mr. Pib.

She's said he's done similar things before, just never reacted quite like this...which is escalation of behavior.

Look, even if you want to give the guy all the credit in the world, what he did was abusive behavior and the bare minimum reasonable course is to tell him so and that if it ever happens again she's gone. Again, if you want to give him all the credit in the world.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 11:55

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Ouhei posted:

She's said he's done similar things before, just never reacted quite like this...which is escalation of behavior.

Look, even if you want to give the guy all the credit in the world, what he did was abusive behavior and the bare minimum reasonable course is to tell him so and that if it ever happens again she's gone. Again, if you want to give him all the credit in the world.

Give him all the credit in the world?! IN THIS ECONOMY?!

# ? Aug 15, 2017 12:33

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Pick posted:

Insipid homewrecker. This red A's for you dipshit.

Why do you think the guy's attached? Not everyone that age is you know.

# ? Aug 15, 2017 12:53

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2024 00:11

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

pidan posted:

I enjoyed this sentence

She's a refugee, she wants to marry some guy so her family gets to stay in the country longer. The fact that he's apparently tattoo man, the raccoon and black youth fighting superhero, probably doesn't hurt.

Tattoo man the coon fighting superhero*

# ? Aug 15, 2017 12:59

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »