/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

MarcusSA posted:

While that is true its kinda messed up to say that in front of a bunch of people.

Maybe he was being creepy enough that she didn't feel safe expressing this in private? :shrug:

Edit: Sniping again! Here's a nice mild one.

My (17M) girlfriend (18F) was ready to have sex but I wasn�t

quote:

Long story short my girlfriend and I were hanging out the other night and things started to escalate and it was clear she wanted to take things to the next step. I wasn�t sure I was ready, so I didn�t take it further (she was kind of waiting for me to make the move). I am very comfortable with her, but am just not sure if I�m ready. Unable to find a time to tell her this in person, I later (taking the easy way out) texted explaining this to her and she understood completely. I thought everything was okay, but the texts I woke up to the following morning were concerning.

Basically she was extremely embarrassed about how she acted, worrying that she had messed things up, apologized for taking things too far, and told me she felt �gross and bad�. This was truly heartbreaking to hear she felt this way and I quickly explained that she did nothing wrong and everything was 100% okay. This seemed to work, but I could tell things were still not right. After texting for a bit I was sure something was still wrong so I sent another text to reiterate everything I had said. Again, she said thank you and that everything was okay.

Jumping forward a bit, after an awkward walk in the park with her saying she didn�t want to talk about it, and me sending one more text explaining how I was feeling and how I was worried about her, I can tell she still feels badly about how she acted. I�m worried if I keep telling her everything is okay I will come off as overreactive and annoying. Additionally it feels pointless to say the same things over and over with no effect (though I�m willing to because I know she needs to hear it). I�m worried that she will no longer feel comfortable with me if she�s worried about taking it to far. I know I need to talk to her in person about this, but she doesn�t appear to want to have this conversation yet. I don�t want to keep bringing it up if she had no interest in talking about it.

My ultimate question: if you thought you took things too far and felt �gross�, and your partner telling you you did nothing wrong wasn�t enough, what would you want your partner to do to show you that they love you and that you�re not, in fact, gross

TL;DR What would make you feel better if you felt badly for trying to take things further in your relationship?

I agree with some of the respondents that he should just talk to her instead of texting.

Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 22:57 on Jul 15, 2018

# ? Jul 15, 2018 22:50

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# ? May 12, 2024 16:17

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

The lady can support her mother and two siblings on 5%-10% of her salary, why the gently caress should they go to a charity for support?
Maybe leave the charity for all the folks who don't have immediate family members who can support them for the same amount their manchild spouse spends on his "hobbies."

# ? Jul 15, 2018 23:00

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

LabyaMynora posted:

The lady can support her mother and two siblings on 5%-10% of her salary, why the gently caress should they go to a charity for support?
Maybe leave the charity for all the folks who don't have immediate family members who can support them for the same amount their manchild spouse spends on his "hobbies."

Social support network is a form of charity. J an insecure republican who is happy to benefit from fiance's money while demanding more control over it so that he can be more of a man.

# ? Jul 15, 2018 23:41

John Lee: Mar 2, 2013; A time traveling adventure everyone can enjoy

Miserable Maid posted:

Nah, it's true a lot of the time that men are treated like that, but it's not imaginary feminazis or whatever, it's most often other men who do it. Men are usually other men's worst enemy when it comes to things like abuse and mistreatment

Perhaps my experiences in this matter aren't typical, but almost every instance of this sort of thing I've gotten has been from a woman. Maybe it's a location/cultural thing? I'm Southern U.S., and my family is matriarchal Italian.

# ? Jul 15, 2018 23:59

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

My Imaginary GF posted:

Social support network is a form of charity. J an insecure republican who is happy to benefit from fiance's money while demanding more control over it so that he can be more of a man.

J is mad that his wife spends 1000 a month to keep a roof over her mother's and sister's heads while he spends 1000 on whatever his expensive hobby happens to be.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 00:08

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

ArbitraryC posted:

why do intjs think they're so rare when they're like the #1 most common internet meyer brigs dweebs. You'd think in all their profound intellect they'd realize how overplayed their archtype was.

My high school psychology teacher gave my entire class the Meyer-Briggs test on the first day of class and then again two weeks later to prove a point about the test itself and self-reporting in general.

She was also the cousin of the dude who wrote �Who Let the Dogs Out�.

Ms. Hogart, you were an amazing teacher.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 00:22

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I [30M] feel bad about not wanting my mother [60F] t come on holiday with my wife and I. Should I?

quote:

My wife and I are planning a month long trip overseas in the next few months. My mother, who I have had an up and down relationship with over the years, wants to tag along for some portion of the trip. We haven't had too serious of beef, we just dont get along and tend to argue and fight. I dont really want her to come along because we would prefer to enjoy our trip together with just my wife and I. Also we are worried that some disagreement or argument could come up during the trip, or that we will just generally have our guard up and not be as relaxed as we want while on vacation.

My mom wants to tag along because she thinks it will be good for relationship building and a fun shared experience. Also she lives far away so we see eachother only a few times a year. When I brought up the fact that we just want to spend our trip alone, it hurt her feelings and she gave me a bit of a guilt trip. She was saying how she is not welcome and that I will regret not having these experiences with her when she is older or gone. She also said she just wants to tag along for only a few days, but I dont really think it makes sense to her to fly half way around the world for only a few days, and that it will somehow turn into a week or longer.

Us not wanting her to tag along has clearly hurt her feelings and I do feel bad about it. I get that she wants to spend time with us, but this is something we planned for ourselves. Am I being unreasonable or cold for not wanting her to come? Should I stick to my guns and insist she not join us? Or should I soften up and let her join for some time?

Any advice on how to handle it is appreciated. Thanks!

tl;dr am I cold or unreasonable for not wanting my mom to join my wife and I on a holiday?

# ? Jul 16, 2018 00:43

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Haifisch posted:

I [30M] feel bad about not wanting my mother [60F] t come on holiday with my wife and I. Should I?

Nope

# ? Jul 16, 2018 01:38

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Me [25f] with my husband [29m] of 1 year (total 6). He pulled a pretty stupid prank for our 1 year anniversary, am I making too big a deal of this or am I allowed to have expectations on how special days are supposed to go?

Lots of back story to this one but I don't want to bore anyone so I'll keep it brief. One of the longest running jokes based on a real life scenario is from when my dad showed up to he and my mom's first date with filthy from work, with a bucket of KFC chicken and a packet of just bought trojan condoms fell out of his glove box as he drove his old ratty truck to the bench by the lake where he expected to get lucky. My parents have now been married going on 30 years so obviously it worked out and my dad loves the story, my mom pretends to be embarrassed by it but she really loves it too.

So anyways the story gets brought up every time all four of our us sisters are together and everyone has a great laugh from it. But to a person, my sisters and I have always specified to our SOs to never, ever do anything like that, even as a joke.

Well our first anniversary was Friday and guess what happened. Yup, he put on some dirty clothes had been working in, grabbed bucket of KFC but obviously knew he wasn't getting me in his car so he had the box of condoms propped on the top of the chicken.

He really thought he was being funny but I was really angry. First of all, this wasn't a prank that led to some big reveal...he expected that to be our full annivsary. Secondly, I've told him so many times that my dads chicken story is funny for our family, but don't repeat it...even as a joke. he did that, on our anniversary of all things.

he's trying to make it up to me tonight by taking me to dinner and shopping but it just feels so forced now. I'm trying to be nice to him but I'm still very disappointed in what he did.

Am I making too big of deal of this? Or am I allowed to have reasonable expectations to not get pranked on special days, especially pranks I've asked him to never do?

tl;dr: My husband pulled out a very embarrassing family joke/prank for our first anniversary. I'm very upset but am I overreacting or do I have a reasonable expectation that special days won't be turned into jokes?

# ? Jul 16, 2018 01:59

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

It's a hard thing at 25 to discover you're this much less cool than your own mother

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 02:06 on Jul 16, 2018

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:04

Admiralty Flag: Jun 7, 2007; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Anne Whateley posted:

Expiate is precisely the word you mean (rather than expatiate). Expunge is closeish, expurgate is wrong.

Thank you. Frustratingly close! Hopefully I�ll be able to expatiate my sin of using the wrong word.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:19

HazCat: May 4, 2009; Can't post for 6 hours!

That's not a prank, it's just lovely modern 'humour'. "Heh, I am referencing a thing, do you recognise thing? Laugh now".

Would have been fine a) if it actually was just the prelude to an actual date night and b) she hadn't explicitly told him in advance that she wouldn't find it funny.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:23

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Yeah its not a big deal but mostly because it wasn't really a prank and it was barely even a joke.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:32

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

How do I stop giving a gently caress about finding a SO? (self.intj)

quote:

TL;DR: I want to quit the relationship game but can't convince my Ni-Fi to stop caring about it.

I'm likely an immature INTJ in a Ni-Fi loop and obsessed with trying to find a partner for multiple months now. I just had one (online only) relationship in my life which ended badly although I can't really get that person out of my mind. But I realized that I'm simply ineligible for such a connection as I'm way too possessive, clingy and demanding. Since the breakup I tried to find a "replacement" although I realized that the potential benefits just aren't worth all the efforts, even back when I was taken I made myself insane over the possibility of being dumped.

Sadly my mid-term present and future everyday life is just filled with procrastination, there is nothing useful I could do and I seriously can't distract myself with anything. While my (underdeveloped) Te acknowledges that I should stop searching and instead embrace solitude for the sake of my mental health my Ni-Fi loop keeps torturing me with the drive to keep attempting to find such a person. But since I'm really focussed on the long-term future and loathing in scenarios of what I'd be missing I can't really get this desire out of my mind although its successful implementation would only cause me more trouble than my current situation.

Sorry for that huge amount of unnecessary information.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:37

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Its not a prank and yeah not all that funny buuut she sounds like a big old barrel of laughs to be around.

Second anniversary prank is gonna be him showing up with divorce papers.

She�s kinda blowing it out of proportion.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:41

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Haifisch posted:

How do I stop giving a gently caress about finding a SO? (self.intj)

Is Ni-Fi some like new fangled WiFi?

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:42

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

MarcusSA posted:

Is Ni-Fi some like new fangled WiFi?

I googled it and don't understand it any more than I did before:

quote:

Yes, it's called an Ni/Fi loop. The two introverted functions gang up and edge out your auxiliary extroversion. Since both are giving subjective perceptions (Ni) and judgments (Fi), you lose touch with reality. All objectivity is lost. In order to reengage, you have to externalize your ideas (via Te), by putting them into words, talking them out, using logic, etc. Using Te actually helps Fi to function properly. They work as a pair (as do Ni/Se, Ne/Si, and Fe/Ti).

Developing Te is the key for INTJ growth during our 20s and 30s. One way to help make sure your Te is properly utilized is not to waste extroversion on Se. Be judicious about what you spend your extroverted energy on! If you're vegging out on sensory activities, listening to loud music, being in crowded environments, etc, you're mostly using Se. And that means less energy for Te, which means Ni/Fi have control over your conscious. During our 20s, 30s, and even later, we are still mastering Te. When we do, that is stage III development. Eventually, we will be able to use Se efficiently without losing control and getting in an Se grip or Ni/Fi loop. This is stage IV development, which few reach.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:45

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Haifisch posted:

I googled it and don't understand it any more than I did before:

Oh drat that sounds awesome I bet it can stream 4K HDR movies like a boss.

That doesn�t make any sense

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:47

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Heirloom axe guy posted an update. My favorite part is when he did a second edit to cuss out the incels who crossposted his thread to their sub.

Update- My wife threw my heirloom axes away. I�ve talked to a lawyer and I�m asking her for a divorce. Super long post.

quote:

This is an update to my previous post. I want to thank each of you for having taken the time to read my post, I have read every single one of your replies and I deeply appreciate each of your comments, all the support, words of encouragement and the good advice I�ve been given.

A lot of things have happened since yesterday. I did call the trash company and drove down to their garbage disposal place, I spent a good couple of hours down on hands and knees looking everywhere but couldn�t find the axes. I drove to a friend�s house for help, told him what had happened and he offered to come down with his wife and help me. He called a few more friends we have in common and we all drove back to the landfill place and searched for a few more hours. But found nothing. Even a couple of workers helped us look but we just didn�t have any luck.

I�m absolutely gutted about this, there�s nothing more I can say on this at the moment because just thinking about it is heart-wrenching and incredibly upsetting.

The friends that were with me and I went to someone�s house where we talked about what had happened. They said pretty much everything people in the comments here said, and offered all their support.

Then I drove back to my hotel, took a shower and read some replies in the other thread. When I turned on my phone to call my best friend overseas �where I live- I had 51 missed calls and dozens upon dozens of Whatsapp messages, sms texts and Facebook messages from my wife berating me for walking out on her and ignoring her for hours. I replied saying I�d be home in a few hours when I�m ready. I called my kids and talked to them for a while, made sure everything was ok and they didn�t know nothing about our argument.

I called my best friend -who is also my co-worker- he suggested I should call our boss and ask him to give me the number of a good lawyer and call right away to ask for advice before thinking of going back home and speaking to her.

My boss is my mentor, I started working for him when I was fresh out of university and as years have gone by I�ve both grown inside the company and gotten closer to him. We are on very good terms and he is aware to some extent about my family situation, he knows my background story with my grandfather and I�m not sure if because of that, but he�s always looked out for me in a paternal way. He�s always been someone I�ve trusted and has been there for me when I needed advice and has offered a helping hand time and again with whatever I�ve needed. He is a powerful man and if someone could get me on the phone with a good lawyer on a Saturday evening that was my boss.

So I called him, we had a candid conversation where I told him what happened and said I needed to just talk to a lawyer to get some guidance before going back home. 15 minutes later I was on the phone with one of the best divorce lawyers in my town. He recommended I go back home and don�t say a word to my wife about this, to act normal but avoid her a much as I can, not to even talk about the axes or what had happened and to be my usual self around my kids. He suggested I get plane tickets to fly us back home as soon as I can and gave me an appointment to go see him on Thursday. He said not to go ahead with the selling of the house for now. I�ve bought today plane tickets for us and we�ll be flying back home on Tuesday.

I just have to make it 4 more days until I can get some solid legal advice and start the paperwork to get over and done with this.

No, counseling isn�t an option because I�ve both made up my mind and because it doesn�t work on her. We�ve been to couples therapy a few times, and we never made it past the first appointment any of the times. Me on the other hand, I�m getting myself an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow, I need to get professional help to help me deal with this.

First I want to say that I�ve made the conscious decision of seeking a divorce and at this point I do not want to fix this marriage, I want out. As I said, I love her but I�m not in love with her, and this has been my wake up call. I just don�t want to spend my life with her any longer. And I do not believe my kids lives will be ruined because of it. I�ve done everything I could to make her happy and nothing has worked, so that must mean we�re not the right person for each other. I am not gonna stay in an unhappy household, being miserable just �for the kids�. I don�t agree with that mentality.

And secondly, because we�ve tried therapy. I told her many times to go see a counselor help us work on our issues, help us improve our married and family life, but she doesn�t believe in therapy. She always said �who are they to judge us or give us advice when they don�t know us� and she believes therapy is just a shake down and nobody is above her to tell her how to run her household and her family. She has pure hatred against psychology.

The times we�ve been to see someone we never made it pass the first appointment because the woman who walks in the counselor�s office is not the same woman who lives at home with me. She doesn�t admit to her wrongdoings �not that I�m a saint I have my faults and gently caress ups too- but when in front of a therapist, she becomes a textbook ideal wife. She lies and denies everything wrong that she does. So there�s no point in fixing anything when she can�t admit to any wrongdoing in the first place or isn�t willing to get help.

She wanted to try her way and I agreed, took me to an aura reader. I did go and the reader said my aura is black and I�m the trouble maker at home and an energy leech, then proceeded to offer me to cleanse me for 3k and all our problems would be fixed. I disagreed and my wife took it as me not willing to work on our marriage by not accepting this healer�s help.

I�m not gonna give her an ultimatum, this is over, period. No last chances and no more trying to get therapy. Because she will go one time and quit. I�ve been through this before and I know how it ends. I just do not want to fix this marriage. I need to move on and have my own life.

When I said I only yelled at her 2 times in 12 years I didn�t mean we haven�t argued, of course we have. What I meant is I only did raise my voice twice. I�ve never hit her, never called her any names at all. But of course we�ve argued and had disagreements.

Now it�s true that I feel like a pussy, like a pushover, like I�ve let her walk all over me and she doesn�t respect me. I know my wife is special and had some issues and I only tried to make her happy.

We met when I was 21 and she was 29, I was in university while she was working as an air traffic controller. We met in a concert and fell in love. We dated for a few months but broke up because she wanted me to pull out of university, she wanted me to quit studying and get a job so she could retire from working and start working on her novel. She always wanted to be a writer. I didn�t want to quit university and she gave me an ultimatum, either I quit and start being a �real man� or she�d leave me. My grandfather called her and tried reasoning with her, told her I needed to study so I could get a good job that�d made me happy and paid well, and then I could take care of her and she could focus on her novel all she wanted. But she left me. It destroyed me because I fell hard for her but I didn�t let it affect my grades because my grandpa worked hard to pay for my studies and I owed it to him.

This is where her hatred for my grandpa comes from and she brings it up very often how he almost ruined her life plans. Long story short, a couple of months later she calls me and tells me she�s pregnant with my baby, so we got back together. About a week after getting back together she told me she lost the baby. I believed her but I never saw any doctor papers. But on good faith I believed her. We continue dating for a long time until she meets a married man and falls deeply for him. She leaves me for him, the man leaves his wife for her and they rent an apartment together. She literally left me overnight and I never again knew from her. This wrecked me. But I pulled through, kept on studying, got a part time job to help at home and I moved on.

Flash forward to after graduation, I landed a very good right out of uni, making very good money, but had to move abroad. My grandpa encouraged me to do it, not to worry about him and just go live my life. So I start working, I�m making money, I�m happy. I used to take a plane every single weekend to go back home and stay with my grandpa, I�d fly Friday night and return Sunday morning. One of this times when I went back to my hometown I ran into her. She told me how she was still with the same guy -who had divorced his wife- and that they were planning on having a baby and wanted to marry him. She asked me how I was doing and I told her I was working and had moved abroad. All good, still doing sports, dated a girl but didn�t work out �she wanted to be polyamory and that is something I wasn�t into so we broke up amicably-, told her I was overall happy and excited to start my life. So we had a coffee, talked for a bit, swapped numbers and wished each other the best.

I thought I�d never see her again but literally the day after she called me crying, told me this guy she had been dating was abusive towards her, had her pretty much locked in the house, didn�t let her go out, etc. She said she was still in love with me and after seeing me yesterday she knew our destiny was to be together. At first it all seemed off and rushed. I suggested she leaves that guy and rents her own place and we can start seeing each other on the weekends when I come back visit my grandpa.

Then she kinda forced herself into my life, in a way. She said he would kill her if she left him and that she needed to move abroad with me to be safe. I didn�t want this, I wanted to take things slow, but knowing she was at risk I agreed to fly her with me that very same weekend and let her stay in my house. At first she told me not to feel pressured into having a relationship with her just because she was in my house, that she�d find herself a job and a room to rent and we could work on the relationship slowly and with no pressure. But living together well we started being a couple pretty much right away. She never looked for a job and never intended to move out. She said I made enough money for the both of us so this was her chance to work on her novel. I agreed, I said I could support her but at the same time I didn�t stop her from having a job if she ever wanted.

Very shortly after moving in with me we found out she was pregnant. I asked her to marry me and we bought our house. Everything changed after we married, that�s when she started being the way she is now, ruling the house, getting jealous of everybody, not wanting me to go out with my friends but she would go on weekend trips with her girlfriends, she had a problem with every single one and each of my friends, both in our new country and back home, she would use things against me, like having deformed her body birthing our son, that she�s always at home while I�m out working, but again, she�s free to work, I don�t mind supporting her if I make enough money, even offered to get a nanny, but she made it sound like I forbade her from working.

When we argued she would throw stuff around, broke a few tv�s, scratched my car, threw ceramic plant-pots at my bike, threw my mac out a window, slammed doors, burn clothes she had bought me and broke gifts she had made me, and very often would push me and slap me. It�s like she was totally unhinged and out of her mind. Like she had all this rage inside that gave her super human strength, she would hurt me and would break things like if she was possessed. It was very scary so I tried to have an easy going home life to avoid getting her to that stage again, because she blamed me for it, and I felt like a loving oval office for making her sick that way but I didn�t understand �and I still don�t- what was I doing to make her so mad.

And anything could set her off, like if there�s traffic and I got home 40 minutes late she�d accuse me of being around �loving whores from the office�, or if my secretary called she�d think we have an affair going and insult her and tell her that I have herpes and she�s gonna beat her up. I remember one of my birthdays my friends and I went on a fishing weekend trip to a cabin and she showed up there unannounced, screaming in front of my friends that I was cheating on her, and started manhandling me in front of them which was very humiliating, accusing them of having brought me there to brainwash me into leaving her. For a while I couldn�t have a Facebook and we had to have a joint account, if she didn�t have access to my phone she�d accuse me of cheating, if I wanted to go on a run it was an excuse to go do something dodgy, if I just wanted to gently caress off and stay alone for a few hours it was because I didn�t love her and was abandoning her. I speak a third language she doesn�t understand, and if I used it on the phone she would say I was speaking in code to hide stuff from her, I was plotting or I was telling something bad o that�s why I used that language.

I had to give up playing the drums because they took a lot of space and it bothered her having my set in a spare room, although she conquered the only 2 spare rooms we had just for herself, and she made give up playing guitar indoors because I never played anything from the styles of music she liked. She insisted I had to let her cut my hair herself the way she likes it because she didn�t want any hairdressers to touch my head, especially not women, she provoked a huge argument so I�d go to a different dentist because she thought she was flirting with me, but on the other hand, she could do whatever she wanted. I can�t even count the number of times he has threatened to commit suicide if I leave her or cheat on her �she�s obsessed that I�m gonna cheat on her at some point when I have never-.

There�s been times when I was away on a business trip and she�d send me pictures of her holding a knife, or of her making cuts on her feet, or a picture of a bottle of wine and pills. A couple of times she pulled this poo poo when I was away working and I had to call the police right away because she did this poo poo with the kids at home, and when the police got there it turned out she hadn�t done anything and was perfectly ok, and blamed me to the police saying that this is a game or a joke between us and I took it out of context. I feel like she�s been playing mind games with me and I just can�t loving take it anymore.

This behavior scared the poo poo out of me and that�s why I tried to get us help, be it for her in the form of therapy or for both in the form of getting couple�s counseling, but she doesn�t want it and she fools any therapist because we go one time, she plays the role of the perfect wife and we never go back. My friends have witnessed my wife going bat poo poo crazy first hand on many occasions, but if I was to tell all this to anyone outside my circle they wouldn0t believe me in the slightest.

She had all my love and support, I bought the house she wanted, I gave up my man-cave so she could have her writing studio, because the room designated as her writing studio she wound up using to do meditation and for some reason she couldn�t do writing in the same place where she meditated.

So she I let her take over my man cave. She decorated the whole house, I didn�t ask for anything because I knew it made her happy to go furniture shopping, decorate the house as she wanted. I wanted to name our son after my grandfather but she refused vehemently, I let it go although it hurt me deep down, because I never asked her for much and I always told her my plans to name my son after him.

I have to say though, that she�s always been a great mom and she is great with the kids. That�s where we go to another part of the story. My baby girl is not my biological child. For a while my wife was so overwhelmed with our son, and I think she was having post partum depression, she took off and left me. Flew back home and got together with the married guy she had been dating before me, the one who had been abusive to her. A month later she came back home pregnant. She just up and left with no warning and the same way she left me she came back. As if nothing happened. �I made a mistake and now I know for sure that we are meant t be together�, As if it wasn�t a big deal. I was loving destroyed. I had to look after our soon who was a toddler, I had to go to work and put on a brave face. Again, thanks to my grandpa who flew overseas to be with me and helped me look after my son when I had to go to work. We didn�t know anything about her so didn�t know if she planned to return or had left me for good, we didn�t know where she was. She only sent a text saying she needed sometime and she�d be ok. To me it seemed as thought it was planned to go be with him.

I was so hurt that she had been with him, the man who had hit her and abused her and I tried to be as understanding as I could and consider that she was overwhelmed with our son and lost her mind. But it just didn�t make sense. She loving killed me and broke my heart. But I loved her and wanted to make it work at any cost. She told me I was �being a little bitch and overdramatizing�, that she was only gone for a month and what mattered was that she was now back.

I had to call the guy myself because she wanted to hide the baby from him, this is other thing that caused a huge problem between us, because I didn�t respect her decision of not involving him. But how the gently caress do you want me to raise another man�s baby and not even give him the chance to have a say in it? I ended up legally adopting our baby because the father �her ex- had gotten back with his ex wife and already had grown children and didn�t want to know anything about a baby, nor did he want his wife to learn of his affair with my wife resulted in a baby girl.

We tried to make it work but ever since then it�s been downhill. For the past few years I�ve been feeling we�re more like housemates rather than a couple. I spend as much time as I can working, when I get home I�m always doing activities with the kids, go kayaking, play tennis, take them to their after school activities, have play-dates with their friends, do homework, go do grocery shopping, make dinner, go for runs.

I reckon it got to a point where it was easier to be docile and bland, to let her have her way and win battles just to get through the day, and because I don�t ever wanted to see her monster side again, breaking things, screaming as if she was possessed by a demon and hitting me. I do love her as the mother of my children and the woman I�ve spent my whole adult life with, but I�m not in love with her. I will forever be grateful that she deformed her body to give me my children, but it�s not fair that she makes it sound like I keep her at home and don�t let her work when nobody is stopping her and she had a good paying job before but she chose to be at home. She never even attempted to write her novel and didn�t go further than buying an old typewriter. It�s not fair she jokes about me having to put up with her for the rest of my life because she�s in her 40�s and we have two kids, says nobody would want her now. She guilt trips me into having given me children and the best years of her life so if �you ever leave me I would kill myself because nobody would want me�.

I do not want to continue living in the same house, I don�t want to keep trying because true, I�m not an equal in this relationship. I just want out.

As I said in my other post, I�ll never try to hurt her and leave her penniless, I am in a situation where I can provide for her and the kids, and I always will even if we are divorced. I don�t� want her to suffer and be miserable. But I don�t want to suffer the tyranny of her dictatorship anymore. Of course this is my side of the story, I�ve tried understanding her side for years, but all I get is �everybody is evil but me, everybody hates me, none of you know how to do things, you just don�t get anything, you�re all inferior, I�m misunderstood, I�m like this because I love you�, and so on so on, the same speech as usual.

I�ve done nothing to her but working hard to provide whatever she needed, I�ve never cheated, never raised my hand, never lied to her. I only tried to make her happy, whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, tried to get her help, support. Nothing makes her happy, nothing is enough, she takes me for granted. Can you imagine how painful it is to have your wife talk down to you in front of her friends? And in front of mine? How she�s humiliated me, how she always has to get her way or else she gets unhinged and starts throwing things at me, breaking poo poo all over the house, calling me a coward and saying I�m not a man. I can�t have an opinion because she always knows best and whatever she says bout anything is final, I can�t masturbate because is cheating on her but she refuses me sexually, which is incredibly frustrating and makes me feel rejected, she can go for months without touching me and then god forbid I want to watch porn or even masturbate, both of them are cheating on her and my family. I do nothing right by her. She goes on for ages about me masturbating, I need to tell her exactly who I�m thinking of, she needs to know every single detail, she can�t even respect my fantasies inside my head and she threatened to off herself if in the case I masturbate I don�t do it thinking of her, and she�ll know if I�m lying. Because she does like a third degree, she asks the same questions over and over for hours and for days like waiting for me to break down. I feel like the loving victim of some weird Guantanamo mind torture. And then �unless when she goes nuts- she�s the prefect wife and mother in front of everybody. It is an act. I feel like I don�t know what�s real anymore and sometimes I feel like I�m going loving crazy. Her friends see me as a monster, I don�t know what she tells them, but they look at me as if I was the unhinged crazy one. I think she has them manipulated to an extreme. And I bet she doesn�t tell them the things she�s done and does to me. My reality and the image she projects of the perfect loving housewife are not the same as what I am living.

And I�ve had enough. I just want to be free. I want to be on my own. I�ve given this relationships many years worth of tries, I�ve done everything I could, I�ve taken more poo poo that what�s acceptable, I feel invalidated, I feel useless, I feel I�m just here to pay for the bills, food and whatever she wants to buy now.

My self esteem is on the floor, I feel I was losing my identity, like I don�t know who I am or why I�ve been taking this for so long, why have my eyes been closed for so long?
I want her out of my life for good. And her throwing my axes was the last straw. She did it on purpose, it was premeditated and she knew how much it�d hurt me. She has a history of breaking things of mine she doesn�t like. Especially when they�re presents from my friends. And as far as I know she has no OCD, just a buzzword she�s been throwing around for the past 4 years or so, but she�s never been diagnosed. A lot of comments here helped open my eyes, and the candid conversation I had with my friends has helped too. They�ve been seeing things for years that I never wanted to see. They told me and I always made excuses to make up for it. The level of control and mental games is asphyxiating and there�s no excuse for me because I allowed it to happen yes, and I allowed her to belittle me in front of my children and friends. Ffs I had to hand over all my passwords as a way to prove to her that I don�t hide anything, because she�s obsessed with me cheating and hiding money from her.

This is a �short� resume of our married life and the problem�s we�ve had, of course there are more little things here and there, things that have happened, things that she said that have hurt me greatly, I don�t deserve this and I just want it over. I�m pretty sure there hasn�t been love here in a long time. My conscience is at peace because I�ve done everything I could and have never caused her of my children any harm. I just want to be happy, enjoy my life with my children and find my own path-

So now I just have to hold on for a few more days and make sure she doesn�t suspect anything. Once I see my attorney on Thursday, and following whatever advice he�ll give me, I�ll tell her that I want a divorce as soon as I possibly can. I�m broken inside, I�m tired and I just want this to be over.

Edit- I did compromise I suggested I�d hang the axes in the garage back home, I never said it had to be in the living room, I said on a wall, she said no so I said I�d hang them in the garage. I even said building a glass display case to keep them inside in a cross formation. She threw them anyway. It has to be her way on every little thing. But even if I wanted to hang them over a pink neon rainbow in the middle of the bathroom, that�s the one thing I ask for. I don�t think is that much to let me have that one thing.

I also need to stress that I�m not speaking from a place of anger and hatred. Yes, I am pissed. Yes, this was the last straw. But I�m just defeated and tired. I need to start working on being myself again. I am venting and I am updating. I am frustrated and desperate, but I�m not angry. I just want this to be over so I can be ok for my children.

TL,DR- Wife threw my axes that belonged to my late grandfather, this unchained a series of events long overdue that have led me to talk to a lawyer and ask for a divorce.

NOTE I'm very much out of words right now, so I will try to keep it short. This is my life, this is my pain, do NOT make my story about your fight for Mens rights movement or whatever red pill incel movement you want to promote. Do NOT try to get a piggyback ride to promote your agenda, do NOT use me, I do not give you any permission, do not crosspost my post with any incel subs like MGTOW. It's disgusting and sick, and that's not what this post is about. I'm sharing my life and my pain, if you can't understand that you don't belong here. Respect my situation and do not use me for your own propaganda purposes and your own agenda. I have nothing to do with redpill incels. To you this may be another post online but this is my loving life and right now is crumbling down, it's killing me as is it, the last thing I need or want is to be used by some bottom feeder bunch of resented angry women haters.

EDIT 2 You f****g incels are disgusting. Instead of respecting what I'm going through, you used me and no sooner did I asked not to be crossposted with you, there you went and did it anyway. Much for supporting men yeah? Good, at least you let people know who you are so they can avoid you. It's truly disgusting to use the story of a man and spin it to suit your agenda. Shame on you. I hope one day you find love and star being decent people. I have nothing more to say.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:49

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Me [25f] with my husband [29m] of 1 year (total 6). He pulled a pretty stupid prank for our 1 year anniversary, am I making too big a deal of this or am I allowed to have expectations on how special days are supposed to go?

Lots of back story to this one but I don't want to bore anyone so I'll keep it brief. One of the longest running jokes based on a real life scenario is from when my dad showed up to he and my mom's first date with filthy from work, with a bucket of KFC chicken and a packet of just bought trojan condoms fell out of his glove box as he drove his old ratty truck to the bench by the lake where he expected to get lucky. My parents have now been married going on 30 years so obviously it worked out and my dad loves the story, my mom pretends to be embarrassed by it but she really loves it too.

So anyways the story gets brought up every time all four of our us sisters are together and everyone has a great laugh from it. But to a person, my sisters and I have always specified to our SOs to never, ever do anything like that, even as a joke.

Well our first anniversary was Friday and guess what happened. Yup, he put on some dirty clothes had been working in, grabbed bucket of KFC but obviously knew he wasn't getting me in his car so he had the box of condoms propped on the top of the chicken.

He really thought he was being funny but I was really angry. First of all, this wasn't a prank that led to some big reveal...he expected that to be our full annivsary. Secondly, I've told him so many times that my dads chicken story is funny for our family, but don't repeat it...even as a joke. he did that, on our anniversary of all things.

he's trying to make it up to me tonight by taking me to dinner and shopping but it just feels so forced now. I'm trying to be nice to him but I'm still very disappointed in what he did.

Am I making too big of deal of this? Or am I allowed to have reasonable expectations to not get pranked on special days, especially pranks I've asked him to never do?

tl;dr: My husband pulled out a very embarrassing family joke/prank for our first anniversary. I'm very upset but am I overreacting or do I have a reasonable expectation that special days won't be turned into jokes?

I can sorta agree with her initial annoyance but lose any and all sympathy with her trying to ruin subsequent nights for it. Just get over it ffs, you're gonna screw up too at some point.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:51

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Good god he should have :sever:

so long ago.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 02:52

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Fortunately OP of the dad joke anniversary gift thread listened to people saying "yeah it was dumb but he obviously wasn't doing it maliciously, plan out your anniversaries together next time" and not the people making cag/mask level rape analogies (an actual post in the comments).

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:03

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

Soooooo.

He did NOT get the axes back.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:06

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

The Ferret King posted:

Soooooo.

He did NOT get the axes back.

She's lucky he didn't :black101:

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:07

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

MarcusSA posted:

Good god he should have so long ago.

I can't imagine going through life as passive and gullible as this guy is. It was obvious from the first break up that she's either a Narcissist or Borderline Personality Disorder.

I mean, he needs to run, but LOL at the idea that he's essentially blowing up his marriage because his wife won't let him mount crossed axes on the wall like he's living in Castle Greyskull. That's, like, the one thing she's been right about in their entire relationship.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:11

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

The Ferret King posted:

Soooooo.

He did NOT get the axes back.

99 axes to grind after the bitch tossed one

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:14

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Caganer posted:

Heirloom axe guy posted an update. My favorite part is when he did a second edit to cuss out the incels who crossposted his thread to their sub.

Update- My wife threw my heirloom axes away. I�ve talked to a lawyer and I�m asking her for a divorce. Super long post.

He may have lost those axes, but at least he discovered his long-lost spine at his grandpa�s house.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:16

CodfishCartographer: Feb 23, 2010; Gadus Maprocephalus; Pillbug

MarcusSA posted:

Oh drat that sounds awesome I bet it can stream 4K HDR movies like a boss.

That doesn’t make any sense

As far as I can tell, it's just people putting way way way too much focus on the INFP label and freaking out when they do something that doesn't fit within that label.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:24

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

The axes were his grandfather blessing him to finally :sever:

from his worthless abusive wife.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:25

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

LabyaMynora posted:

I can't imagine going through life as passive and gullible as this guy is. It was obvious from the first break up that she's either a Narcissist or Borderline Personality Disorder.

I mean, he needs to run, but LOL at the idea that he's essentially blowing up his marriage because his wife won't let him mount crossed axes on the wall like he's living in Castle Greyskull. That's, like, the one thing she's been right about in their entire relationship.

Having given this some thought it actually isn't a terrible idea to mount the Axes. It would probably be the only interesting thing on the wall besides the numerous pictures from Homegoods or wall quotes. At least you could say something about it.

Hell he could put them in his "man cave" lol what am I thinking she deffo didn't let him have anything of the sort. He probably couldn't even put them up in the garage haha.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:39

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

tactlessbastard posted:

She's lucky he didn't

Wow slow down there buckaroo - domestic violence is nothing to joke about

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:48

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

MarcusSA posted:

Having given this some thought it actually isn't a terrible idea to mount the Axes. It would probably be the only interesting thing on the wall besides the numerous pictures from Homegoods or wall quotes. At least you could say something about it.

Hell he could put them in his "man cave" lol what am I thinking she deffo didn't let him have anything of the sort. He probably couldn't even put them up in the garage haha.

she took over his man cave; he proposed hanging them in the garage but she threw them out anyway

# ? Jul 16, 2018 03:51

Hello Ketene: Dec 30, 2011

How can I [31m] teach my wife [28f] how to have a proper bowel movement?

quote:

I've been with my wife for the better part of a decade now, and we very much have a strong, loving relationship. We get along great, share a lot of interests, and have few bad fights.

Anyway, the general issue here is that my wife doesn't know how to take a dump. The most innate action a human can partake in, evacuating your bowels, is something which she was never properly taught.

You see, one of the issues is that my wife is under the impression that every morning, upon waking up, the healthy thing to do is to have a bowel movement. I don't know if this is cultural because she's Japanese, but when she wakes up, she does her little stretch, and then walks to the toilet. She'll then sit down on the toilet, and push, strain, grab the wall, and groan trying to lay a golden goose egg.

Sometimes, she'll get a triumphant nugget. Other times, nothing will come out, but she'll keep trying and trying, pushing until she exhausts herself and gives up, admitting defeat.

These sessions will last anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes. Naturally, her anus is covered with hemorrhoids, and despite the fact that she eats a lot of vegetables and fruits, her symptoms are never alleviated.

tl;dr: my wife does this weird thing where despite having no turds to pass, she tries desperately to push on the toilet

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:10

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Hello Ketene posted:

How can I [31m] teach my wife [28f] how to have a proper bowel movement?

Sucks when they aren�t housebroken. :smith:

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:11

caterpillaropera: Aug 31, 2004; Who's gonna teach you to bump and grind?; Buglord

Wife [34F] had secretly convinced my [35M] niece [17F] to run away from home with her 22yr old boyfriend. Niece is back after suffering a lot of abuse and wife finally confessed. I don't know how to handle any of this.

quote:

Sorry if this all comes off a little rambly. I will keep some names/places vague to protect their identities.

This all started roughly one year ago. My niece was going through a tough time with her parents but it seemed like basic teenager type stuff. She wanted more freedom and her parents wanted her to keep her grades up. A lot of grounding, and suspension of car/curfew/dating privileges really led to a boiling point early this year. So my wife has always been very close to my niece because we have no kids and we've taken on the cool uncle/aunt role to our niece/nephews. I've always known that my wife will message or text my niece every now and then and they've gone shopping together. All normal.

A few months ago my brother (the dad) calls me in shock and asks me if I saw Emily (my niece) or heard from her at all. Apparently they found a note from her saying that she's left to travel with her boyfriend who they never knew about. (He's like 22 or 23). The note said not to worry about her and that they'll be somewhere in California for a few months. Obviously her parents were worried and called the police. Since she was just over 17 and left a note, the police was not super bothered and promised to "look into it" but obviously nothing happened since there was absolutely nothing to start the search on. There wasn't any official search because it was assumed my niece was not in any danger and left voluntarily. My brother and his wife were worried sick and the wife had several mental breakdowns over the course of the 3-4 months.

3 weeks ago Emily finally came home looking sickly thin and like she was almost malnourished. Her parents immediately brought her to the police station and called us. Apparently she was manipulated by her POS boyfriend because he had promised to pay for her living costs but also physically abused her in return. She had a fractured rib for like 2 weeks because the guy wouldn't take her to a hospital. She's only NOW getting medical care. Anyways she was too scared to leave because she had no money and she was too ashamed to call her parents for help.

So last week my wife sat me down all of a sudden and confessed that she had more of a role in Emily's running away than we knew about. She said she wanted me to know now in case more things come up during the investigation and interviews with the police. She said she had been talking to Emily in the weeks leading up to her running away and apparently she may have "encouraged" her to run away. I was in shock and I kept asking my wife to see the messages but she said she deleted them all in fear. She said they weren't anything serious because she didn't think Emily was going to be in danger. My wife grew up with very emotionally abusive and overbearing parents herself so she said she had sympathized a ton with Emily's own feelings of anger towards her own parents. My wife said she simply encouraged Emily to seek independence above all else, including running away if that's the only choice. She thought the guy was a good guy from what Emily said and didn't think she would be in danger.

I honestly don't know what to do and I haven't said anything to my brother, his wife, or the police yet but I know I have to soon. I can't say anything to anyone outside of the anonymous internet and I feel like I'm going crazy. The most damning part is that my wife KNEW about this guy before the note and she could've said something to her parents or said something to the police to lead them there before my niece had to suffer so much. She knew details about the guy that no one else did and I feel so angry knowing that she didn't say anything because she was scared. I don't know what to feel right now. Honestly how do I make of this whole situation? Should I forgive my wife and work through this or should I take time off and stay somewhere else? I feel like I need time away to think , but my wife has been sobbing and begging for me to stay. What do I do?

Tl:dr:�Wife had a hand in convincing my 17 year old niece to run away with an abusive boyfriend. Niece is finally back home after months of mistreatment and wife confessed to me because she's scared the truth may come up with the police. I feel like I'm losing my mind. What do I do?

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:14

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

Hello Ketene posted:

How can I [31m] teach my wife [28f] how to have a proper bowel movement?

Start feeding her White Castle Sliders for dinner every night, problem solved.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:14

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Sucks when they aren�t housebroken.

I �laughed out loud� at this.

Poor lady is gonna get hemorrhoids :smith:

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:16

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I (25F) got drunk and threw up at a work event and barely remember what happened. What do I do?

quote:

I never thought i would be that person. I was at a work event for my company that is held at a baseball game. They gave out free wine and beer for the first two hours and I had 4 (6 ounces) glasses of wine and a beer. I was there with my fiance, his father, and my best friend. I don't remember what happened except some small memories of me throwing up, talking to my parents on the phone, and talking to my fiance and friend. My friend managed to get me a bag to throw up in but apparently I might have throw up on a family that was close to us. I can't remember much but at the end of the night when the game was over, the EMT had to be called and I had to wheel chaired out cause I couldn't walk and was having an anxiety attack. The EMT let me know that I should just go home instead of going to hospital to just sit there. I would say it felt like i was going in and out of consciousness.

What's strange it something like this has never happened to me before. I've literally had 10 shots of vodka and was still awake and walking in previous times. I was on a low carb diet the two weeks before but the day before I ate carbs and during the game I ate carbs as well. When I got home, suddenly I could think (probably the anxiety attack going away). My mom thinks that I might had some blood sugar reaction to the amount and wine and carbs I had combined with the alcohol. She said my aunt (who is diabetic) and her (she is prediabetic and had gestational diabetes) have had moments where they ate alot of carbs and then were suddenly tired and incoherrent. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to get a blood test for diabetes/highblood sugar. I almost feel like I might have been drugged because I don't feel hung over besides having a small stomach ache and being a little sensitive to light.

My question is, what do I do when I go back to work tomorrow? My direct boss wasn't there (he's on vacation) and won't be there tomorrow. I know some people in my department went but I don't know who actually saw me drunk and throwing up. My fiance says I threw up at around the 8th inning so people probably saw. I feel so embarrassed and just want to quit but I know that's dumb and not handling things right plus I like my job.

TL;DR: Got drunk, blacked out, threw up and had an anxiety attack at a work event and now don't know what to do when i go back to work.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:17

caterpillaropera: Aug 31, 2004; Who's gonna teach you to bump and grind?; Buglord

Caganer posted:

Poor lady is gonna get hemorrhoids

quote:

Naturally, her anus is covered with hemorrhoids, and despite the fact that she eats a lot of vegetables and fruits, her symptoms are never alleviated.

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:19

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# ? May 12, 2024 16:17

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Caganer posted:

I �laughed out loud� at this.

Poor lady is gonna get hemorrhoids

According to the story, she already does.

e:BEATEN! NOOOOO

# ? Jul 16, 2018 04:21

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