Anne Whateley posted:

It's not even about how much you trust the other person, because their phone is still gonna get stolen or hacked or lost or dropped down a raindrain

Anne Whateley posted:

It's not even about how much you trust the other person, because their phone is still gonna get stolen or hacked or lost or dropped down a raindrain

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

not an issue if you upload your nudes to the Blockchain.

Hello Ketene posted:

from r/deadbedrooms:

Horrible fight last night may have ended my marriage

quote:

So, pretty recently we decided to have a date night. I made a reservation at an upscale restaurant and I wanted to go have a good time and enjoy ourselves. We’ve never done anything like that before and don’t get to often because stuff like that is expensive, and being two working-class people, we don’t have a lot of money to blow.

So I get ready and dress for the occasion. Pretty casual but still nicely dressed (nice jeans nice shirt kind of thing).

I head to his house to pick him up and head inside for a minute. He’s in the bathroom finishing getting ready and asks if he can drive. I tell him that’s fine.

He steps out of the bathroom wearing a wife beater and some stained work pants and his work boots, grabs the keys to his $100 geo prism, and asks if I’m ready to go.

I ask him if he minds driving my car or his other car, which are a little nicer to try and dress for the occasion. Normally I don’t mind riding around in the geo at all (I mean a running and driving car for $100, why not?) but I wanted us to have a decent date night.

Then he kinda gets pissed and asks if I’m embarrassed to ride in it. He knows where we’re going and I told him I’d rather not look like we just sold a prescription of pain pills to pay for the food. I’d rather ride in one of the cars that doesn’t have bungee cords strapped to the doors to keep them shut for this.

So then it turns into why am I such a high maintenance rear end in a top hat and so worried about what other people think of me, and why am I always trying to play high roller etc.

I really don’t think I am. I’d rather just take some pride in our appearance for once and have a good night together. Plus I’d rather take one of the cars that are exponentially less likely to break down on the way there.

So we cancelled date night. I don’t ever ask a single thing from him and the one time I do I get grilled. Im honestly pretty hurt about it but at the same time I am happy I saved the money.

Anyways, his hygiene and personal appearance has always been an issue and frankly it’s been a huge turn off for me. I’ve talked to him about showering more and washing his clothes and wearing deodorant, but none of it seemed to stick.

At this point I’m embarrassed to be around him in public and for him to meet friends and family. Everyone that has met him comments on how gross he always is.

I’ve lost pretty much all of my attraction to him and frankly just don’t even like spending time with him anymore. There’s basically no action in the bedroom anymore either.

I know he’s better than this, which is why I’ve stuck around this long. I know he’s a caring, intelligent, loving man but for fucks sake I’m getting tired of smelling BO every time I’m around him.

There are plenty of other things as to why I’m tired of this relationship but I think his hygiene and lack of giving a single gently caress about his appearance is the main one.

Is there any fixing this or should I cut it off? I’ve tried before but he clings so hard and I really don’t wanna hurt him. I don’t know how to make him just give up on it.

TL;DR - boyfriend takes no pride in his appearance or personal hygiene, caused a fight and canceled a date night because of it. Been a recurring problem for a while now and I’m tired of it.

Khazar-khum posted:

Like someone said upthread, the sandwich could have had all kinds of bad things put in it to deliberately hurt or kill the dog. That dog needs refresher training before it really gets hurt develops a taste for African-American flesh

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [23M] am considering breaking up with my boyfriend [29M] because I feel like he’s just flat out trashy.

quote:

A bit of backstory. I’ve known my current boyfriend for over 2 years now. But we’ve only been dating for 2 months. When we met he was engaged, and we were strictly friends.

Soon after his ex and he split, we started getting closer. We started talking more being more friendly. I then asked if he’d be interested in FWB. He said yes, and so we started that. During this time he said we could meet up 6 months later. Everything we were doing (and are doing now) has been strictly online. I had no issue with this as it was FWB.

About three weeks into this I started to develop feelings for him. I talked to him about them and a week later we started dating.

In the 2+ years that I’ve known him he has never spoken in our discord community. He has a stutter and is therefore always muted.

We are 2 months in, and he still refuses to talk to just me. This makes it to where all of our conversations are via text. Which has lead to an unhealthy amount of arguing due to miscommunication or misunderstandings. I am trying to not pressure him into talking...but it’s been two months of him telling me he loves me. And it’s been well over two years of him actually knowing me and being my friend.

He also won’t set a date for December. Which honestly is too long for me. I was okay with it before I fell in love with him. Before he was an important part of my life. But now it’s too long. Why would anyone want to wait that long to meet their partner? He says it’s because he needs that time to be comfortable...but it’s not like I’m someone he doesn’t know. It’s not as if he met me 3 months ago and needs that time. I have asked him multiple times for us to set a date in December and it keeps getting looked over.

Finally, I’m feeling like I am a rebound. I have some depression issues. And most of the time I feel as if, if I’m not happy or sexual then we are fighting. Mainly because that is how it’s been going. The days we do sexual things, we are fine. But the days I ask him about him, or his past or anything of value, and we are fighting. This has made me feel like I’m just a pick me up from his last relationship ending.

TLDR - my boyfriend currently refuses to actually speak to me instead of just text, we still haven’t set a date to meet, and I feel like I’m a rebound because of how sexual I am, I’m a distraction from losing her.

Am I being too harsh on him, wanting him to talk? Wanting to set a date? Am I overreacting feeling like I’m a rebound because things are good when there is sex, but he won’t seem to open himself up to me at all?

Edit: any and all advice is welcome. I really don’t know if I should be trying to work on this or just call it.

quote:

AnnetteXyzzy
“3 months. We met online. Started dating before meeting. Met 20 days after dating in another country. When I flew home I packed my car and moved 3000 miles to move in with him. Together for 4 years, married for almost 3 months”

Are you currently married to someone else? Just a month ago you were posting about your mother in law.

femsexaddict
Yes, I am in a polyamourus relationship. My husband doesn’t factor into this relationship so I didn’t mention him. All parties are well aware of each other.

My Imaginary GF posted:

quote:

We’ve been together for almost a decade, our relationship has always been pretty strong. The only speed bumps we hit are issues that involve my parents. She thinks that they are way too intrusive, no boundaries, and still treat us like children. (We’re around 30) I’m oblivious to most of their behavior that she points out, mainly because I’ve been around it my entire life and I see it as normal.

Last week, my wife’s best friend said that my dad had called her and he asked what she thought of me and my wife’s marriage, he asked why my wife doesn’t like my parents, and also asked if we would be having another kid (we lost our first). She said that my dad said not to tell us about the call and that my mom did not know he would be calling. That call was the last straw for my wife; I saw it as intrusive, but didn’t know how to react to it.

She emailed my parents and responded to all of the questions that her friend said my dad asked. She explained how she feels about my parents and that they should give us some space. I have not yet talked to my parents since the email was sent.

tl;drHow inappropriate is it for a father of a married 30yo to call his wife’s best friend and ask personal opinions?

Update 1 - my brother said my dad states that the call was not what my wife’s friend is making it out to be, and that he is being made the bad guy in the situation.

quote:

This was the big straw that broke the camel’s back, but yes there has been a pattern of behavior that lines up with this. Years ago when we paid for our own wedding, they were surprised when we booked some vendors without telling them who we were booking. They said we needed to make an exception and give my brother more time to decide if he was bringing a +1 guest, as we had approached the rsvp deadline. Stopping by our house often with only a 30 second warning, sometimes staying for 30+ minutes. Reminders of when to cut the grass or rake leaves. My wife adjusted her work hours after losing our daughter after birth - my mom told my wife to be sure and come to her before she would ever think of leaving her current position. (Putting job status above personal mental health). I have so much to be thankful for that they have provided me with, but it has been years of them parenting closely instead of just being there, as a parent.

quote:

I'm guessing he will excuse this as "they just care about us" or "it was supposed to be a private call and the friend shouldn't have tattled." I don't see my mom as intrusive, but I'm sure she was curious to hear the answers the questions asked. Most recently, my mom has hinted to my wife's mother that she is hoping we have new pregnancy news soon (a year after losing our first daughter). As my wife reduced her hours at work in the past year, my mom told my wife to be sure and talk to her before she ever decided to leave her current position. My wife saw that as pressure to stay in an uncomfortable job, just because of a good title. She will sometimes stop by with short warning for what will be a "5 minute visit" but will end up staying for 30-60 minutes.

quote:

Thank you, that was a valuable response. I have since found out, my dad messaged my wife's friend on Facebook, and asked if they could talk privately by phone. (it was on my birthday so the friend thought maybe it was to discuss a surprise gift or something) They have only met in person once or twice.

I have still not heard from my parents, but this morning we found out he sent a message to the friend again, saying that she twisted the facts and exaggerated everything. He also told the friend that she agreed to keep their conversation private last week, but but is blaming her for breaking that promise and leaking the call info to my wife. If he really thought he was innocent on the subject, it seems that he would have contacted my wife and I (even then, he still contacted her best friend and there is no denying that).

He told the friend that he came to her because she would be an "expert" on the situation, meaning... both my wife and I, and her friend and husband, both lost our daughters around the same time a year ago. Both dealing with grieving, but they decided to get pregnant again already, we decided it was still too soon. You're right, he could have instead made a genuine effort and contacted us directly.

Your last point is important, I need to tell my wife that I acknowledge now what she has put up with for years. She was originally a third party and could see the behavior a mile away, but I have been blind to it. She has given me credit as I tried to make baby-steps through the years and adjust the relationship with my parents, but that didn't get us very far, apparently.

Scathach posted:

Are you saying that the sandwich was made of human flesh and that man's a cannibal

LadyPictureShow posted:

I [27f] don’t know if I’m being too harsh on my boyfriend [33m] or if I’m overreacting

quote:

My mom asked me to get a bunch of viruses off her computer today. Found a folder titled, "Sins of my Children" and opened it. Found weird poetry and IRC chat logs of some guy offering to kill my wife and me. They seemed to be in some sort of online relationship. Half the chat was sappy love promises, the rest was her telling him about all the ways my brother and I have wronged her. Nearly everything was a lie. The accusations were insane. She gave this guy my address and a poo poo ton of personally identifying information about me and my wife. And he said he knew people who could "take care of us" for her, to show his devotion or poo poo. She agreed and there was a conversation negotiating prices.

I understand he's probably bullshitting but the whole thing was deranged. The dude also doesn't live too far from me either based on what he said, a few hours drive. My wife is pregnant (this was one of my many "sins" apparently having my own child means I'm replacing my mom) and I am not risking of some psycho who knows my address showing up here if I can help it.

Is this serious enough to be reportable to cops or would they laugh me out of the station? Does it constitute a threat legally speaking? I took screenshots that I emailed to myself, so I have evidence if so. How should I deal with this?

(And yeah, relationship with mom will be a lot more distant now.....)

La Brea Carpet posted:

[Colorado] Guy threatening my family to my mother

La Brea Carpet posted:

[Colorado] Guy threatening my family to my mother

La Brea Carpet posted:

[Colorado] Guy threatening my family to my mother

La Brea Carpet posted:

[Colorado] Guy threatening my family to my mother

quote:

For anyone curious, they seemed to settle on a "security deposit" type of initial payment of $500.

dudeness posted:

WTF?!

I thought they were in love, and he has the nerve to charge her for it?

I guess chivalry is dead, much like this guy is about to be.

Moon Atari posted:

They should make an anthology tv show based on r/relationship posts.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Jerry Springer has been running for decades and is the cultural pinnacle of Western civilization

MrQwerty posted:

Jerry Springer got cancelled, heralding the end of Western civilization

quote:

My (35F) BIL (27M) offered our house to GF (22F) visiting relatives

My husband's brother "Dan" is dating a girl (Kate) who we don't like. She's opening a new retail store (she makes handcrafted purses) in our town and has a large family coming to town to cheer her on. Dan called me today to ask if it would be ok for her relatives (10 people) to stay with us since we have a large house and a few empty rooms. I declined because a) we don't like Kate, b) it's just plain awkward since it's not our family and Dan/Kate aren't married either, and c) we have little kids at home. Dan got really upset at me. After asking for more info it turns out he had already volunteered our place since we aren't using the rooms and he doesn't see how it would be an issue. Coincidentally, there's a major convention in town that week, and all the hotel rooms in town are now booked solid, so I'll be the bad guy if I now say no since her relatives are expecting the accommodation and now have no other choices. Maybe they're nice people but they're basically strangers. My husband has also flat out told Dan no, but we feel stuck- what would you do?

tldr BIL's gf's relatives are in town. BIL offered them our place to stay without asking.

quote:

Okay so theres this girl I like( lets call her Goblin.)

La Brea Carpet posted:

I [23M] am considering breaking up with my boyfriend [29M] because I feel like he’s just flat out trashy.

quote:

Then he kinda gets pissed and asks if I’m embarrassed to ride in it. He knows where we’re going and I told him I’d rather not look like we just sold a prescription of pain pills to pay for the food.

Danaru posted:

The other dude needs to start showering regularly and find a boyfriend that doesn't say poo poo like this

Juche Couture posted:

My (35F) BIL (27M) offered our house to GF (22F) visiting relatives

(words)... what would you do?

quote:

Last week, my wife’s best friend said that my dad had called her and he asked what she thought of me and my wife’s marriage, he asked why my wife doesn’t like my parents

quote:

This sub has two answers to every question.

1) break up

2) they have autism

Cowslips Warren posted:

According to my friend, who tells people she is asexual usually the first time she ever talks to them, you can find people attractive of either genders BUT you don't have the urge to gently caress them until you get to know them, that asexual people are attracted to personality and not physical things.

Because clearly all non asexual people can't help but need and want to gently caress everyone around them.

I am waiting for reddit to give me what I need now: an open relationship between asexuals. It has to be there, somewhere, right?

quote:

There are a bunch of things I am afraid to ask our adoption lawyer, so I’m trying to gather more information, before I make a final decision.

My wife and I have been fostering a little girl for 11 months. Parental rights from bio parents have been terminated, wife & I have passed all of our background checks and parenting classes and home studies. Everything is set up for a finalization hearing for 10/5, with a big party to follow to celebrate the happy occasion. Except...I am having doubts.

So my questions for the lawyers here are:

If we don’t go through with the finalization, will the child be removed from us and placed with another family? She is starting kindergarten in our district and she is very attached to our family- at least to my wife- but I don’t want to string her along if she could have a chance with a real adoptive family.

Could my wife adopt her as a single parent? I’m sure if she had to choose between her marriage and the child, she would pick the child.

Would we owe the state money for the monthly stipend we’ve been getting? The state has been helping with her health insurance, and other expenses.

Thanks.

Edit: okay, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about this, so here is some background:

My wife is a carrier for a genetic illness. Her brother had the illness, and died from it at 22. If we were to conceive and have a boy, he would have a ~50% chance of having the condition, and a girl would have a ~50% chance of being a carrier. Our foster child has a more mild version of this condition, that boys and girls can get. Her health is stable, but the condition has the potential to be progressive, so it could get a lot worse. The fact that the child has a similar condition is why my wife thinks this is “meant to be” and was so adamant about adopting this particular child, even though we initially agreed on adopting an infant.
---------------------------------------------------------
Basically this child has a serious (but stable) medically condition, so the family of origin actively wanted a TPR because they couldn’t meet her needs. My wife and I had completed our background checks, preliminary homestudy, some of our trainings, etc., before she came on our radar. We had planned on joining the long waiting list for a foster->adopt baby or toddler, but this child’s medical condition is a milder version of the condition my wife’s brother had (that my wife is a carrier for, which is the reason we didn’t want to have genetic children), so she felt a special connection with her. Now, 11 months later, this is where we are.

quote:

So, here's your problem.

You have, broadly, 3 choices:

1.) divorce now to avoid the adoption. That may torpedo the adoption, which could create an acrimonious divorce, which gets expensive and painful. Luckily: You do not have to separate before divorcing in NYS.

2.) tell your wife you don't want the adoption and hope she chooses you over the child. That may lead you back to step 1 anyway.

3.) suck it up buttercup and go forward with the adoption. Which could lead to #1 anyway, but with bonus child support.

As u/napalmenator and u/s-dubya noted, a divorce changes the fundamental facts around the home study, which means that process also gets pushed back (spiking the costs there too). Most families can't easily afford the legal fees involved for a divorce, or an adoption, and the sure as poo poo can't afford both.

You should get couples counseling ASAP, because this is rolling a proverbial hand grenade into the room.
---------------------------------------------------------
When she finds out we have to be divorced or separated for her to continue the adoption, it’s going to turn into a divorce real quick. We own a business together, a house, the whole works. It’s going to be a mess.

quote:

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he's extremely verbally abusive and has been physically abusive on the past too. He's a successful CEO of a business and always uses it against me. I used to be very smart, I even qualified for MENSA (not bragging at all), but all he's done for 5 years is call me stupid , a dumbass , useless and worthless and now I don't want to live at this point. I don't know how to leave. I feel stupid now. He says if I wasn't so pretty I'd be useless and I have zero confidence as it is because I feel dumb. He won't go down on me unless I become "normal" and stop overreacting. He says if I don't want to be called stupid , stop doing stupid things. I don't know myself anymore. He considers stupid things like me not closing a carton of eggs properly. He will say I don't know how the world around me works and I'm clueless as to how to do things properly. I am always second guessing myself . I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to do.

TL;DR! My boyfriend of 5 years keeps verbally abusing me and I don't know how to leave

Absurd Alhazred posted:

My boyfriend [32 M] tells me [26 F] that I should just stop acting dumb if I don't want to be verbally abused


Slapstick is the way to go: "woopsy, I totally by accident spilled this pot full of boiling oil on you because I'm SO STUPID I didn't realize I should only use a little bit and I'm SUCH AN AIRHEAD I couldn't remember the number for 911."

Absurd Alhazred posted:

My boyfriend [32 M] tells me [26 F] that I should just stop acting dumb if I don't want to be verbally abused

quote:

Hi. I got out of a very toxic relationship a few months ago. I ended it and told him never to contact me again. All of our communication since then has gone through my new boyfriend (who is a mutual acquaintance). I've been out of work for a while and only recently got back into the job market. I finished my training to become a security guard last month and now I am gainfully employed doing something I enjoy. I posted about this on facebook and my ex discovered my employer and sent pictures of me to them, with my name attached, and stated that they "cast a very poor light on the company". He took a screenshot of the email and sent the picture to my current boyfriend, who showed me. These pictures have never been posted publicly and only my ex and a few other people have ever seen them.

​

I'm terrified of going into work. I have no idea how my boss will react to these pictures and I really can't afford to lose this job. I don't have any savings left and if I don't get paid this month I won't be able to make rent.

Edit: I got a couple hours of sleep and like 10 PMs asking what these pictures are (and one that asked to "send nudes", really?). People speculating that it's drugs or something illegal. I wasn't going to mention it because I don't want to be judged but I'm screwed anyway apparently so whatever. No, last summer I met up with some internet friends with an edgy sense of humor at a cosplay convention. Let me start by saying I'm not a racist, or a nazi, but two of my friends dressed up as SS guards and had a bunch of swastika armbands. (They weren't allowed into the con so we did all of this outside on the street.) I posed with them, wore an armband, did a nazi salute, etc, and one of them took pictures that he shared with me later. I sent them to my (now ex) bf because I thought he'd find it funny. I didn't think he'd save them and use them against me, or even remember. I wasn't cosplaying that day so my face was visible, but I made sure none of my friends put them up on the internet publicly so I assumed I was fine. Now my ex has already sent them to one employer, and without any explanation or context, implying that I'm a neo-nazi or something. My boss is POC, my landlord is POC, by current boyfriend is Asian, I'm seriously not racist but my ex is trying to ruin my life with just those couple of pictures and I need some way to make him stop.