/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:

It seems like the vast majority of income-hiding techniques for divorce are incredibly stupid and get found out immediately. Judging by this thread anyway. I don�t know why all these guys think they�ve discovered some foolproof plan that no one else has ever thought of and will totally get past all the lawyers.

Yes they are. They absolutely are. Usually it's a blatant cash-out-and-run kind of thing.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:33

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# ? May 15, 2024 13:47

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

OK REDDIT PEOPLE THE CORRECT USAGE IS:

PIQUED MY INTEREST

PEEKED AT HIS PHONE

PEAKED AT AGE 19

HOW HARD IS THIS????

Sorry, pet peeve.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:37

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

FAUXTON posted:

Education background is largely a flexible thing, though very few places will hire someone without at least a bachelor's. I've found the classes I took towards an ultimately unfinished history degree (I switched to business and took the easy route) have done more for the basic skills of the job than any of the finance stuff in my business degree with very few exceptions (like knowing how to use EDGAR and read corporate financial reports). You generally want to have a knack for creating a composite from many different sources and being able to infer someone's actions and motivation from transactions, public records research, and anything they say to you or branch staff.

I started about 10 years ago doing call center work for a payment processor, handling inbound calls about people who got their accounts hacked. From there, I moved into a role where I was handling fraud mitigation measures about 6 months later, and then a couple months after that I was doing investigations work. I don't recommend doing investigations work for that household-name internet payment processor because I did it for 5 years, a not-insignificant part of the job involved investigating CP, and the only real thing I got out of it was the ability to be passably functional the morning after downing a liter of liquor to get to sleep the night before. After that I went into a similar role focused on money laundering investigations at a regional bank, and a few years after that I moved to doing AML and fraud investigations at a local bank where I work a lot more closely with DHS/FBI/IRS, courts etc. Now I'm 35, comfortable financially, unable to play drinking games with friends unless I drink whiskey to match their beer, and stunningly happy with Dr. FAUXTON because neither of us want kids, ever.

Professional certifications you want to look into are CAMS and CFE. CAMS is going to take you farther once you have experience on your resume, but the CFE isn't anything to sneeze at either. Spring is a great time to be looking for positions in the field because banks are trying to patch the gaps their Q1 audit of the prior year turned up. Big bullet points are analytical skills, working with info from lots of sources, time management with light supervision, writing, using excel, and clear judgement.

Neat. Thanks for this.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:39

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

La Brea Carpet posted:

OK REDDIT PEOPLE THE CORRECT USAGE IS:

PIQUED MY INTEREST

PEEKED AT HIS PHONE

PEAKED AT AGE 19

HOW HARD IS THIS????

Sorry, pet peeve.

My [18/m] cousin [19/f] peeked at age 19 and my mom thinks it peaked my interest

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:41

Barudak: May 7, 2007

A goon posted "walla" a few pages back, its too late to sort out the peak homophones

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:42

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Pinecone Sample posted:

My [18/m] cousin [19/f] peeked at age 19 and my mom thinks it peaked my interest

If you look at the post, it was the dude who got a peek at the girl.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:43

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

La Brea Carpet posted:

If you look at the post, it was the dude who got a peek at the girl.

Yeah but I was going for the kid pitching a tent.

(oh yeah, he doesn't mention this, but he's 17, so you know he's getting random boners all the time they cuddle and poo poo)

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:46

Carth Dookie: Jan 28, 2013

Same but 32.

Sorry grandma. :saddowns:

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:56

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

Barudak posted:

A goon posted "walla" a few pages back, its too late to sort out the peak homophones

sike!

# ? Apr 11, 2019 02:59

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

I (23m) just found the girl (22f) I am dating is a little bit anti-vax[new]
submitted 4 hours ago by SomeToastyBagels

quote:

We have been dating for a little less than a month, and earlier today she started talking to me about essential oils and how they're good for reducing stress or allergies etc. She didn't mention anything about the oils curing diseases, but I decided to ask her "But you're not anti vaccine, are you?" And she said that she didn't think every vaccine was necessary, but she said that wasn't against vaccines that aren't harmful. She talked about vaccines leading to autism in the children of the person who was vaccinated. I told her that I was not anti vaccine and she did not seem to be bothered by it.

I really like this girl, but I fear that if we were to get married and have kids one day, that she would be much more against vaccines than she is letting on. I want my future children to be vaccinated, and I don't want to be fought on the idea.

Should I talk to her more about her stance on vaccines and try to show her why vaccines are completely safe, or would this be something you would end a relationship over? I just want to be able to make the right call, and be respectful about it.

tl:dr I'm dating a girl and she told me she is against "harmful vaccines" and that some can cause autism. How should I handle this situation?

That's a next level invention on top of a redacted and incorrect paper.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:05

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My (37F) friend (43F) freaked out on me after I asked her to stop talking about her celebrity crush so much.

quote:

Throwaway, some details changed for anonymity. This is a ridiculous situation and I�m hoping some of you can provide me with perspective that I may be missing.

I�ve been friends with Stella for almost 15 years. I dated her younger brother first, then met her. He passed away a decade ago and she has struggled a lot with this but has never sought out any help. She was always the fun, goofy, airheaded, friend that never took anything seriously. She has been obsessed with celebrities & pop culture since birth. She idolizes Drew Barrymore & has tried to copy her life & look for years now. She cares a lot about material things and upholding the image she has of herself. For example, her car is falling apart to the point she�s embarrassed to be seen in it, but instead of getting a new one she just bought herself a pair of Gucci slippers (that she thinks is ugly) bc she recently saw one of her favorite celebrities wearing them. That�s just Stella.

A few years ago, Stella discovered a very popular British boy band. Overnight she became completely obsessed. Everything revolved around this band. We all laughed at first bc she was never the boy band kind of gal; she was always too �hip� for that. During their final tour, her husband managed to get them tickets one state away. After the show they waited around outside the tour bus for hours and the band never showed. Stella had a breakdown and cried all night bc she didn�t get a chance to see her favorite member of the band after the show. She cried during the entire 5-hour drive home and immediately went online and bought a ticket (just for her, not her husband) to their next show 2 states south, got back in her car & drove 13 hours by herself to their next show.

After the band broke up & her favorite member went solo, everything then began to revolve around him. She has spent thousands of dollars going around the country to see his shows. She has spent thousands of dollars on merchandise & decorated her entire house with memorabilia, including a life-sized cardboard cutout of him she keeps in the living room. She has even brought the cutout to dinner with friends & brought him to her birthday party. She thinks it�s �tee hee so quirky!� Her party�s hashtags were all #30flirtyandthriving. She�s 43. A few people tried to talk to her about her behavior & she cut them off bc she thought they were implying they�re �too cool� for her. And the age thing? Everyone was like WTF? Honestly, at our age, no one cares about stuff like that anymore. It�s the obsession that�s worrying people & the fact she�s living in a fantasy world now. It�s gotten to the point that her whole life revolves around this celebrity and she cannot have a conversation with anyone without the conversation being turned back to this celebrity. She talks about him like they�re really friends. People avoid her. She made friends with a 22 y/o she works with & now spends every free moment out drinking with this girl. She also befriended a mutual friend�s 20 y/o niece & has invited her (& paid) to go to these shows bc no one else will. Mutual friend does not like this & thinks it�s weird but has only told her to be careful with his niece and not get her in trouble.

Recently, this behavior began to wear on me. Not just this, but the way she talks about crush & other celebrity crushes. She�s always had to have someone to crush on, usually her little brother�s friends. She has been sending me non-stop social media pictures, songs, memes, whatever about this guy and her crushes. The thing is though, these are all reallllyyyy young guys, or they look young. She jokes about herself being a pedophile and how her crushes look 12 or 14. She recently told me she was bored with her husband and was thinking about 'finding a young hottie to make out with'. She went on Tinder &set her age preference 18-24 and told her husband. He got mad and made her delete it but she�s on it again and he doesn�t know. I gently tried to tell her I thought it was weird and made me uncomfortable, (esp to have pics on my phone from her of a kid that looks like he hasn�t gone through puberty saying yeah, I�m a pedo & he looks 12 but he�s a yummy 12!) but she just laughed. I started ignoring the messages bc I didn�t know what to say. I am NOT a fan of this person at all. I am almost 40 & having constant conversations about this guy just weirds me out. She noticed I stopped responding to her and asked me what was wrong, so I told her that I felt unheard when we talked bc every conversation we have is about this celebrity and she ignores a lot of what I say to keep talking about him and �it�s a bit much sometimes�. Big mistake.

Stella responded by weaponizing everything I had told her in confidence over the last year against me. I lost my father and grandfather last year & told her I was struggling & lonely and that it sucks being an adult without the friendships I had when I was younger bc we all grew apart. I also know I haven�t been the best friend bc of my grief. She threw all of that in my face and basically threatened me not to make her mad bc she�s one of my only friends. She called me overly sensitive and accused me of overreacting. I was so shocked. Her messages to me were straight up hateful and extremely disproportionate to what I said. I was so hurt that she would respond like this. I�ve never seen that side of her before. She cut me out of her life and said that I am too quick to cut people out of my life and I would regret it. I never said anything about cutting anyone out of my life.

It�s been a few weeks since and she�s started trying to reach out a little and I don�t know what to do. I don�t want to throw away such a long friendship, but I think it�s broken at this point. I don�t feel what I said was wrong. A mutual friend of ours told me I should have just kept quiet and let her talk about her fake boyfriend because it makes her happy and �we all know how she is�. Another just laughed like yeah that�s Stella. She�ll get over it. Get over what? I feel like she flipped out bc I was so close to saying something to her about the age of this guy, and her other crushes, and she attacked before I could get the chance. I don�t think she�s a pedophile. But. There is something there that in my gut I know is wrong. I just don�t know how to put it in words, or even if I should bring it up.

So, Reddit, this is a ridiculous fight, but I want to know if anyone is seeing the red flags I�m seeing. Is it a stupid fight bc I hurt her feelings or is there something else causing her to lash out? I honestly can�t tell. Sorry this is a mess but I can provide any other details if needed. I�m just weirded out.

TL:DR My girl friend�s acting like a pedo, I gently called her out, she freaked.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:11

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

I'm loosing my mind here!

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:11

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Motronic posted:

I (23m) just found the girl (22f) I am dating is a little bit anti-vax[new]
submitted 4 hours ago by SomeToastyBagels

That's a next level invention on top of a redacted and incorrect paper.

lmao at this dude who was somehow reassured by her permissive stance on the cootie shot

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:13

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

Motronic posted:

I (23m) just found the girl (22f) I am dating is a little bit anti-vax[new]
submitted 4 hours ago by SomeToastyBagels

That's a next level invention on top of a redacted and incorrect paper.

That's the new thing, since "vaccines cause autism," is completely and thoroughly debunked, but it's way harder to prove generational exposure versus random mutation (or straight up recessive genetics).

Not that this stops 99% of these people from drinking, which has known and well-studied mutagenic affects, causes cancer, and causes development related birth defects.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:18

Chef Bourgeoisie: Oct 9, 2016; by Reene

This girl (18F) at school asked me (18M) on a date and it went well, but her english is not the best and I cant understand what she says sometimes.

quote:

I met this girl earlier this year in February. She just moved from Italy and from my understanding grew up in a small village. The principal asked me to show her around when she brought her to class. We're in our final year of high school. I talked to her every now and then. There's a bit of a communication issue at times when I'm not sure what she's trying to say. Again I think it's because she grew up in a village that she never really learned English until a year ago.

Last friday she came up to me with her cousin who speaks English. He was at this school long before she got here. She asked me out on a date and had her cousin there in case I got confused as to what she was saying. I said yes because she is pretty attractive. I enjoy her company when she's around.

I didn't think of it and my friends are loving useless. They can't hold a serious conversation especially when it comes to women. It's sex jokes over and over again. I tried to talk to them and it just went no where.

I'm taking her to see Pet Cemetery and dinner tomorrow. It's the second date. I took her out on Sunday and she said he enjoyed herself.

I'm just a bit worried about annoying her if I can't understand what she's trying to say. I have no problem that she can't speak the language, but I just don't want to annoy her.

TL;DR: Going on second date with girl, but I struggle to understand her sometimes.

Update thing: I spoke to her about the language thing again. She laughed and said I think and worry too much. Which is true. I do overthink things. The long and short of it is that we'll try to teach each other languages. And as most of you said we'll get use to it. Cheers 🤙

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:25

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

13Pandora13 posted:

That's the new thing, since "vaccines cause autism," is completely and thoroughly debunked, but it's way harder to prove generational exposure versus random mutation (or straight up recessive genetics).

Not that this stops 99% of these people from drinking, which has known and well-studied mutagenic affects, causes cancer, and causes development related birth defects.

whoa wait so you're saying if I drink enough I can become an alcoholic mutant

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:42

WeedlordGoku69: Feb 12, 2015; by Cyrano4747

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (37F) friend (43F) freaked out on me after I asked her to stop talking about her celebrity crush so much.

What in God's name :stonk:

That took a turn

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:45

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

If I drink enough my parents become autistic?

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:45

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

whoa wait so you're saying if I drink enough I can become an alcoholic mutant

Well yes. Mostly in the cells of your gastric lining and liver.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:49

JFairfax: Oct 23, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Barudak posted:

A goon posted "walla" a few pages back, its too late to sort out the peak homophones

That annoyed me so much

# ? Apr 11, 2019 03:53

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

whoa wait so you're saying if I drink enough I can become an alcoholic mutant

Yes.

Pirate Radar posted:

If I drink enough my parents become autistic?

Also yes.

Barudak posted:

A goon posted "walla" a few pages back, its too late to sort out the peak homophones

JFairfax posted:

That annoyed me so much

This was one of the thread titles for a while and goes back to a joke on like page 200 but gently caress if I'm going to go back through to find it now.

(edit)

It was actually the PYF Stupid Life Hacks thread, I can't keep all the megathreads straight in my old rear end brain:

Fart Sandwiches posted:

walla!

13Pandora13 fucked around with this message at 04:15 on Apr 11, 2019

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:01

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (37F) friend (43F) freaked out on me after I asked her to stop talking about her celebrity crush so much.

Yikes. Emulating Drew Barrymore/developing an unhealthy obsession with her lifestyle was where I thought it was going to stay at.

But then the 'British boy band' (I'm assuming One Direction? Are they Brits?) thing yowza.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:02

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

whoa wait so you're saying if I drink enough I can become an alcoholic mutant

Yep

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:11

Entorwellian: Jun 30, 2006; ~~Northern Flicker~~
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.

Norton the First posted:

That seems incredibly counterproductive given their one child policy.

They recently got rid of that :v:

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:14

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

La Brea Carpet posted:

(43F)

quote:

Stella discovered a very popular British boy band. Overnight she became completely obsessed

quote:

Stella had a breakdown and cried all night bc she didn�t get a chance to see her favorite member of the band after the show.

quote:

She has spent thousands of dollars going around the country to see his shows. She has spent thousands of dollars on merchandise & decorated her entire house with memorabilia, including a life-sized cardboard cutout of him she keeps in the living room.

quote:

She made friends with a 22 y/o she works with & now spends every free moment out drinking with this girl. She also befriended a mutual friend�s 20 y/o niece & has invited her (& paid) to go to these shows bc no one else will

quote:

She�s always had to have someone to crush on, usually her little brother�s friends.

quote:

these are all reallllyyyy young guys, or they look young. She jokes about herself being a pedophile and how her crushes look 12 or 14.

quote:

She went on Tinder &set her age preference 18-24

quote:

he looks 12 but he�s a yummy 12!

Well, surely you can see what the problem is here

quote:

I don�t think she�s a pedophile.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:15

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Tried to google search the thread title but came up empty, also actually went to reddit and tried to find it, can someone re-post it?

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:18

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

Harry Styles is 25 though.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:18

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

MF_James posted:

Tried to google search the thread title but came up empty, also actually went to reddit and tried to find it, can someone re-post it?

Talking about this one?. I'm sure you'll be shocked to know there are a bunch of folks on reddit that can relate to the crazy pedo.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:27

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:

Harry Styles is 25 though.

It does mention her interest in them started 'a few years ago'. Is there another, more recent insanely popular British boy band that broke up after a member decided to leave?

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:31

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Xik posted:

Talking about this one?. I'm sure you'll be shocked to know there are a bunch of folks on reddit that can relate to the crazy pedo.

No sorry, SA thread title "I stabbed him (shoulder) and now he refuses my apology. I want him back. Advice"

I want nothing to do with creepy pedo threads

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:34

HMS Beagle: Feb 13, 2009

MF_James posted:

No sorry, SA thread title "I stabbed him (shoulder) and now he refuses my apology. I want him back. Advice"

I want nothing to do with creepy pedo threads

It was from twitter. SixBrownChicks I think?

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:35

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

https://twitter.com/SixBrownChicks/status/963830227691503618

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:40

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Pirate Radar posted:

If I drink enough my parents become autistic?

If you drink enough then your future children become goons

# ? Apr 11, 2019 04:57

Resting Lich Face: Feb 21, 2019; This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

Funny, I just made a fetal alcohol syndrome joke in another thread. What a coincidence.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 05:02

WeedlordGoku69: Feb 12, 2015; by Cyrano4747

Xik posted:

Talking about this one?. I'm sure you'll be shocked to know there are a bunch of folks on reddit that can relate to the crazy pedo.

top-rated comment when i looked is someone asking if it's, like, guys who actually look 12 or guys like Harry Styles and Timothee Chalamet who are clearly adult men but look kind of boyish

in the former case, they advised calling the cops

in the latter case, they advised that it's a typical midlife crisis thing for women, combined with a fuckton of insecurity over being attracted to younger dudes than her (they advised this based on having more or less gone through it themselves)

OP replied and it turns out it's the latter case (to the point of those two celebs being the exact obsession targets, Harry Styles being the one the post is about) and her friend isn't trying to actually gently caress kids, just twinky dudes. OP is still severing because her friend was a cockbite about it.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 05:09

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Xik posted:

https://twitter.com/SixBrownChicks/status/963830227691503618

Wrong shoulder stabbing, it was this one:

LadyPictureShow posted:

Holy poo poo this account. I'm dying.

I think it needs its own spin-off thread.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 05:12

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Wrong shoulder stabbing, it was this one:

The fact there is more than one is loving amazing.

LORD OF BOOTY posted:

guys who actually look 12 or guys like Harry Styles and Timothee Chalamet who are clearly adult men but look kind of boyish

Ok, Ok, OP says it started a few years ago, so she was like 39/40 obsessed with some dude that was like 20/21. Based on that, not pedo. She also targeted 18-24 on Tinder as a 43 year old, gender swap this poo poo and it wouldn't even be a question that it's sexual predator behavior.

# ? Apr 11, 2019 05:32