/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Moon Atari posted:

Lol that he thinks the physical aspect is improving. What is more likely: she simultaneously developed a hentai habit he had never noticed before at the same time as opening the relationship, or she was ending their romantic date night by sneaking off to masturbate while sexting someone else before allowing him to get his while she dozes off.

Why not both?

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 16, 2024 18:45

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Power Khan posted:

That's not how you make tea

My husband put his dick in my cup of water, and didn�t tell me.
Okay, this is not a shitpost. I wish it was. I�m deeply disturbed.

The other night after sex, as my husband and I were getting up and dressed, I asked if he could grab me a glass of ice water. He was on his way out of the room, and said sure. He wasn�t mad about it, and sex was fine. We weren�t fighting and had been having a pretty good week.

As I walk into the kitchen he hands me the glass of water.

I don�t know what came over me, but I got this sixth sense, I don�t know how else to describe it. Maybe it was his shiteating grin, but I flat out asked him, did you put your dick in this?

He looked shocked and taken aback by my question and for a split second I thought maybe I was being an idiot.

He then says, how did you know?!?!

I was furious but it was such a strange situation so I just dumped it out and brushed it off. I didn�t know what else to do.

The next day I asked him about it, and I asked why he did it. He said, I don�t know.

I told him that it kind of made me upset, like I can�t trust him to get me a glass of water. It hurt my feelings. He immediately got defensive.

We got into a fight about trust and he didn�t understand what the big deal was. I said, so what? Do you put my toothbrush in the toilet when we fight??

He said no of course not, but he had that same shiteating grin.

I don�t know if he�d ever do that, and maybe it was just the way I phrased it or that the fight was about him putting his dick in my glass of water. But, like wtf?

I don�t know what to think.

Am I overreacting?

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:29

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Power Khan posted:

That's not how you make tea

My husband put his dick in my cup of water, and didn�t tell me.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:29

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Stop 👏 putting 👏 your 👏 dick 👏 in 👏 things 👏

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:32

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Power Khan posted:

That's not how you make tea

My husband put his dick in my cup of water, and didn�t tell me.

I don�t know what came over me, but I got this sixth sense, I don�t know how else to describe it. Maybe it was his shiteating grin, but I flat out asked him, did you put your dick in this?

Has he done this before? I feel like the normal question would be "did you do something to the water" Jumping straight to the very specific "did you put your dick in this?" is weird unless he's done this before.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:32

Good Ol Filbert: Jun 10, 2019

Xik posted:

Stop 👏 putting 👏 your 👏 dick 👏 in 👏 things 👏

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:33

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Has he done this before? I feel like the normal question would be "did you do something to the water" Jumping straight to the very specific "did you put your dick in this?" is weird unless he's done this before.

Maybe not specifically that but he�s definitely put his dick in or on things as a �prank�

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:35

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) of 2 years doesn't want to get rid of a bedbug infestation.
We just signed a lease last month to start living together in a new place. Well, we had a housewarming party that got a bit bigger than we expected, with some friends of friends we didn't know showing up. More than 20 people in total. We suspect the bedbugs came from someone at the party. We've had them for more than a week now.

My girlfriend refuses to cooperate in getting rid of them. Because she doesn't believe it's okay to do so. I'd always known she was a very compassionate person and truly views all living things as precious and important, volunteers for a few humanitarian causes like animal shelters and loves nature. But I didn't know it went this far, that eradicating pests like this is wrong. This is very extreme to me.

Meanwhile, we are getting eaten alive every night and they just keep multiplying. I'm out of patience, I've asked her many times how she can stand living with this, she just says it's "annoying" but she couldn't bring herself to intentionally kill anything. Even a loving bedbug.

Today I decided I was done with this bullshit. I called an exterminator and scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. When I told her, she flipped. I said I didn't care what she thought, she could help me pack up everything to prepare or not but it was happening. Then once I went to work, she cancelled it behind my back! She texted me to tell me. She said she doesn't want to fight with me, that we should be able to "live in harmony with each other and other creatures"!!! She also said she's really stressed due to our disagreement about it, but I'm stressed from having the bedbugs!

Now I'm about to go home to our infested apartment and confront her. Please help. I feel like my life has turned into some realm of insanity. How do I make her understand that the pest control needs to happen??

TL;DR: My girlfriend sabotaged my efforts to exterminate bedbugs in our home because she strictly believes it's wrong to kill them. I don't know how to make her stop or compromise.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:37

it dont matter: Aug 29, 2008

bell jar posted:

What do you do, as a parent, when you realise your child is a literal psychopath

Good article on this very topic: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:38

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Couple of thread title worthy quotes in this one.

Date (33/M) showed me (26/F) his sexual conquest program...wtf?

quote:

I met this guy that I was pretty quickly smitten with. We connected deeply, and had several 7 and 8 hour conversations over the phone, and went on many dates as well. He struck me as extremely intelligent, witty, and charismatic. He had admitted that he really liked me too and joked about me being his "future ex girlfriend," also saying I was the female version of him. Just this past weekend, we ended up going out and we had sex for the first time. We had a few drinks after that at his place, and, as he got more intoxicated, he became the biggest douche. He started swinging insults at me, and became a jerk. This had been out of character for him as I knew him. Then, he went and got his computer, did a few things on it, and told me to come over and look at something. I went over there, and he showed me this Microsoft Access program he said he created, which listed every sexual conquest since he was 14. It was categorized by name, phone number, DOB, race, hair color, how they met, the sexual acts performed, their status at the time, and whether or not he and the woman were still on good terms. He said, in a nonchalant fashion, "look, you can narrow it down and select only the Caucasian women I've slept with." He then goes, "I just put you in here--you're number 91, by the way." Needless to say, I was completely disgusted. I can't believe someone, anyone, would do that. I'm not a naive person. I don't trust people all that easily...I finally felt like I found someone compatible with me...I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any similar stories or cares to provide any advice going forward?

Tl;dr: I was dating this guy who showed me all his sexual conquests and added me as "number 91"... he did not seem at all ashamed...wtf? Looking for feedback, stories, or advice for the future.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 09:43

LimburgLimbo: Feb 10, 2008

The real crime here is using Access for what�s 91 lines of data smh

# ? Jun 11, 2019 10:05

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Power Khan posted:

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) of 2 years doesn't want to get rid of a bedbug infestation.

loving hell, maybe she'll change her mind when she starts having severe skin infections and rashes, what an idiot. I don't say this lightly but considering that she sabotages attempts to get rid of the plague I would break up over this.

Also considering that they noticed the bugs and still continued to do nothing for quite some time - the infestation may be way worse than the guy thinks. Like, burn your stuff+furniture bad.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 10:20

nankeen: Mar 20, 2019; by Cyrano4747

help i vaccinated my pit bull and now he's autistic

# ? Jun 11, 2019 10:31

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

Palpek posted:

loving hell, maybe she'll change her mind when she starts having severe skin infections and rashes, what an idiot. I don't say this lightly but considering that she sabotages attempts to get rid of the plague I would break up over this.

Also considering that they noticed the bugs and still continued to do nothing for quite some time - the infestation may be way worse than the guy thinks. Like, burn your stuff+furniture bad.

Call an exterminator and don't tell her about it.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 10:36

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Sure, if it was physically possible but extermination can take up to 2 weeks and may be needed to be repeated several times so really breaking up is a way less stressful option than going through months-long fights and meltdowns about it.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 10:54

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Power Khan posted:

My (25M) girlfriend (24F) of 2 years doesn't want to get rid of a bedbug infestation.
We just signed a lease last month to start living together in a new place. Well, we had a housewarming party that got a bit bigger than we expected, with some friends of friends we didn't know showing up. More than 20 people in total. We suspect the bedbugs came from someone at the party. We've had them for more than a week now.

My girlfriend refuses to cooperate in getting rid of them. Because she doesn't believe it's okay to do so. I'd always known she was a very compassionate person and truly views all living things as precious and important, volunteers for a few humanitarian causes like animal shelters and loves nature. But I didn't know it went this far, that eradicating pests like this is wrong. This is very extreme to me.

Meanwhile, we are getting eaten alive every night and they just keep multiplying. I'm out of patience, I've asked her many times how she can stand living with this, she just says it's "annoying" but she couldn't bring herself to intentionally kill anything. Even a loving bedbug.

Today I decided I was done with this bullshit. I called an exterminator and scheduled an appointment for tomorrow. When I told her, she flipped. I said I didn't care what she thought, she could help me pack up everything to prepare or not but it was happening. Then once I went to work, she cancelled it behind my back! She texted me to tell me. She said she doesn't want to fight with me, that we should be able to "live in harmony with each other and other creatures"!!! She also said she's really stressed due to our disagreement about it, but I'm stressed from having the bedbugs!

Now I'm about to go home to our infested apartment and confront her. Please help. I feel like my life has turned into some realm of insanity. How do I make her understand that the pest control needs to happen??

TL;DR: My girlfriend sabotaged my efforts to exterminate bedbugs in our home because she strictly believes it's wrong to kill them. I don't know how to make her stop or compromise.

This is on the level of refusing to take antibiotics because the bacteria aren't evil they're not responsible for their actions

# ? Jun 11, 2019 10:58

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Family/boyfriend [38m] doesn't think I [37f] should keep my new puppy

quote:

I picked up an 8-week-old Belgian Malinois puppy on May 29th - so I've had him for just under two weeks. My last dog, a German Shepherd, died 10 years ago, and I've had a hole in my soul since - I am a dog person at heart and I have always had dogs in my life. This pup is something I have wanted and dreamed of for years.

The main issue is my family and my boyfriend. The situation is complex, but the simple version is - I didn't tell anyone that I was getting a puppy.

I live alone in a house next door to the rest of my family: mother, older sister (43 years old), disabled father. I'm admittedly lazy and irresponsible and I don't have the best track record, so to speak - I used to work at the family business, but my sister and I argue a lot, and she "fired" me a few months ago. My dad had a catastrophic brain injury when I was 18 years old, and we have cared for him at home for the past 18 years. I don't do enough to help out/watch him/take care of him (I won't get into the psychological damage his accident and condition did to me; I was absolutely a daddy's girl but my pain is no excuse for not helping my family out) and that's another sticking point for my family - especially my sister, who sees herself as giving up her entire life to take care of my dad and run the family business.

So, tl;dr, my family doesn't consider me responsible enough to raise/take care of a puppy. So, while I know I don't have to ask "permission" to get a dog at my age, my family (especially my older sister) feels that I did this behind their backs, sneakily, with no consideration for anyone else.

My significant other feels the same way - he doesn't live with me, but we've been together for almost two decades, and he feels very hurt and betrayed that I didn't discuss getting a puppy or even mention it to him. He feels (rightfully so) that this is a situation I forced him into - and he feels that, in my current family/work/etc. situation, I don't have time for a puppy, especially one as active and needy as a Malinois. (My S.O. and I have a lot of other relationship issues, mostly stemming from my irresponsibility and my propensity to lie to him; I have hurt him and lied to him a lot over the years, so the puppy acquisition is kind of the straw that broke the camel's back.)

My family/boyfriend want me to relinquish/give the puppy back to the breeder. They say that in a few years, when I am in a more stable position in life and have grown up a little, maybe I'll be ready for a puppy then.

I don't want to give up this pup. I don't want a "maybe" puppy in a couple of years, I want this puppy. I'm capable of raising him and training him right, and I want to prove that I can be responsible. I've already got interviews for part-time jobs lined up this week, and I'm doing work from home as much as I can until I land a job.

But, keeping the puppy is going to destroy what's left of my human relationships with my family and my boyfriend. They all agree that I'm taking good care of him so far, and no one is questioning my love or devotion to the puppy, but they're saying that I need to fix myself and my human relationships first before I'm "ready" for a dog. They all LIKE the puppy - they think he's an adorable sweetheart - but they don't think I should keep him.

I just don't know what to do.

Anybody got a link to that doozy of a Pet Island thread where that goon wanted to but two Belgian Malinois and it was just pages of 'that is a terrible idea!'

# ? Jun 11, 2019 11:18

Barudak: May 7, 2007

LadyPictureShow posted:

Family/boyfriend [38m] doesn't think I [37f] should keep my new puppy

Anybody got a link to that doozy of a Pet Island thread where that goon wanted to but two Belgian Malinois and it was just pages of 'that is a terrible idea!'

It was a Marrema sheepdog and honestly having it boss her around on pain of death might be good for this loser of a woman.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 11:24

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

AITA for kicking my girlfriends friends out over my laundry habits?

quote:

My dad is in a long term care facility and cannot take care of himself. My wonderful mother is there every single day and in the last few monthd has started to neglect her own health and her house because of it. On my days off i will go out to her house and usually cook her meals for the week that she can reheat and do some general house cleaning for her, including her laundry, so she can relax. Fast forward to this weekend my girlfriend is at her best friends bachelorette party and everyone is coming in from out of town. They rented a cottage for a few nights starting Saturday, so friday when they got into town i offered to let them all stay at my apartment for the night.

Now geneally we all get along and get togethers are always very chill and lots of fun. Everyone arrives while i was at work and my girlfriend let them into my apartment (she was given a key for this and does not live there with me) and all is going smoothly. They start getting ready to go out to the bars and i just finished a 12 hour shift so i told them i was going to bed, have fun, and to try and keep it down when they got back as i was getting up early saturday to go out to my mom's.

While they were getting ready i could hear them chit chatting and my girlfriend mentions how i cook and clean for my mom and how i even do her laundry. Instantly they all start calling me a creep and a pervert for wanting to touch my moms underwear and how inappropriate that is, how she should be so lazy and shouldnt rely on her adult son to do that for her. My girlfriends frantically trying to explain the situation and well i got up and ripped into them about what they said, we argue back and forth for a bit and eventually ive had enough. I tell them if they can't respect me in my own home over something like laundry they should find somewhere else to go tonight.

I go back to my room after taking my key back and telling them the door will be locked and to find a hotel. Sure enough at 3am they are pounding on my door, i ignore them and go back to bed.

I dont think i did anything wrong, girlfriend thinks im an rear end in a top hat and im really not sure whos right. AITA here?

Bad friends.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 11:49

nankeen: Mar 20, 2019; by Cyrano4747

LadyPictureShow posted:

Family/boyfriend [38m] doesn't think I [37f] should keep my new puppy

Anybody got a link to that doozy of a Pet Island thread where that goon wanted to but two Belgian Malinois and it was just pages of 'that is a terrible idea!'

i'm going to say she should keep the puppy because tbh it sounds like she's had a hell of a life and some people actually do need a dog for their psychological wellbeing. also she sounds like she's actually pretty informed on what she's getting into, she's had shepherds before, and successfully raising and training her dream dog will boost her confidence as long as everything doesn't go terribly wrong, which it might, the dog might eat her comatose dad or something but honestly he'd probably thank it for releasing him

# ? Jun 11, 2019 11:50

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

QuarkJets posted:

AITA for kicking my girlfriends friends out over my laundry habits?

Those friends are loving trash.

Good on him for standing his ground and telling them to get the gently caress out.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 11:57

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

QuarkJets posted:

AITA for kicking my girlfriends friends out over my laundry habits?

What a loving teenager bullshit, I wouldn't want to deal with that poo poo either and the gf can go supervise the literal 12 year olds on their binge nights if she's loving guilt tripping the OP for this.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 12:09

Barudak: May 7, 2007

QuarkJets posted:

AITA for kicking my girlfriends friends out over my laundry habits?

Pete Prism Power Activate! Break Up!

# ? Jun 11, 2019 12:23

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Moon Atari posted:

Lol that he thinks the physical aspect is improving. What is more likely: she simultaneously developed a hentai habit he had never noticed before at the same time as opening the relationship, or she was ending their romantic date night by sneaking off to masturbate while sexting someone else before allowing him to get his while she dozes off.

probably D) ALL OF THE ABOVE: she's loving a hung weeb on the side now

# ? Jun 11, 2019 12:32

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Pinecone Sample posted:

probably D) ALL OF THE ABOVE: she's loving a hung weeb on the side now

It's just like one of my japanese animes

# ? Jun 11, 2019 12:40

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not jumping up and helping my parents bring in the groceries? I'm an adult and I pay rent if that helps.

I'm 33 years old and I've pretty much always lived with my parents. To me there's no shame in it

I bet there's loads of stuff that OP thinks there's no shame in

quote:

My last dog, a German Shepherd, died 10 years ago, and I've had a hole in my soul since - I am a dog person at heart and I have always had dogs in my life.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 12:47

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

nankeen posted:

i'm going to say she should keep the puppy because tbh it sounds like she's had a hell of a life and some people actually do need a dog for their psychological wellbeing. also she sounds like she's actually pretty informed on what she's getting into, she's had shepherds before, and successfully raising and training her dream dog will boost her confidence as long as everything doesn't go terribly wrong, which it might, the dog might eat her comatose dad or something but honestly he'd probably thank it for releasing him

Puppies are work and she doesn�t sound at all like the type of person to rise to the occasion. If she wants a dog so bad she should get an adult. Because she�s going to ruin that puppy with no exercise or training and then dump it at a shelter once it�s full grown and not cute enough to put up with any longer.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 13:11

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

alphabettitouretti posted:

Good article on this very topic: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/06/when-your-child-is-a-psychopath/524502/

That was interesting, thanks.

And from that article about crazy people:

quote:

I receive a frantic email from Carl�s wife. Carl is in police custody. His wife tells me that Carl considers himself polyamorous

# ? Jun 11, 2019 13:21

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Pinecone Sample posted:

Little bit of an unusual angle on a standard tune

AITA for having hurt feelings after my wife masturbated instead of having sex with me?
EXTRA FACTORS: We we�re celebrating a birthday, won�t say who�s.

It had to be her birthday, because you know if it was his that would have been mentioned in the very first paragraph.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 13:49

ulex minor: Apr 30, 2018

Dazerbeams posted:

Puppies are work and she doesn�t sound at all like the type of person to rise to the occasion. If she wants a dog so bad she should get an adult. Because she�s going to ruin that puppy with no exercise or training and then dump it at a shelter once it�s full grown and not cute enough to put up with any longer.

not to mention that belgian malinois are one of the most high energy, intelligent dog breeds in existence and will go insane if they don't get enough stimulation and training and by enough i mean practically constant

# ? Jun 11, 2019 13:54

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

nankeen posted:

stories like this just fill me with wonder and the strangest feeling of affection for humanity. i mean what the hell, this is what we're like, how can we possibly be expected to achieve anything

you can't judge the whole of humanity by its edge cases. most people are well adjusted enough to deal with basic disappointments, it's just that there an awful lot of people in the world, so even if a small fraction of them are deranged in some way, that ends up being a sizeable number of them out there.

incidentally, this thread is a rich sampling of stories from that percentage.

# ? Jun 11, 2019 13:55

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

AITA for calling my friend "nigga"?

quote:

I usually say "nigga" in a casual and friendly matter. I only do it with friends when playing online games and I never really had any issues for the most part.

Most of my friends don't seem to mind. They do it regularly as well. "nigga" is pretty much just a replacement for "guy" in the way we use it. We shout something along the lines of "This nigga playing AP Hec lmao" while playing League and whatnot.

However, there's a very old friend of mine who gets really upset at us for calling him "nigga". This isn't because he is black or anything but because he, for some reason, really started hating black people all of a sudden.

I feel like his anger is misdirected, and that we're in the right in this case, but you never know.

Edit: everyone involved in this story is white, per additional comments

Piell fucked around with this message at 14:33 on Jun 11, 2019

# ? Jun 11, 2019 14:01

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Piell posted:

AITA for calling my friend "nigga"?

I hope everyone in this story gets testicular cancer

# ? Jun 11, 2019 14:07

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Xik posted:

Couple of thread title worthy quotes in this one.

Date (33/M) showed me (26/F) his sexual conquest program...wtf?

Pfft, how could Don Juan be a weirdo? He was a rampaging sex chad. :smug:

# ? Jun 11, 2019 14:09

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Piell posted:

AITA for calling my friend "nigga"?

The simple answer is that if you are yourself black, then no, not really

We all know he's so white that he glows in direct sunlight though

Power Khan posted:

My husband put his dick in my cup of water, and didn’t tell me.

This is just called mushroom stamping, it's a super old joke that's been around for loving ages and you'll probably see it in the military or a frat or something

# ? Jun 11, 2019 14:17