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Lol at this guy's phrasing. He just needs to be held and loved, aka loving a stranger.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:30
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:if a drama free wedding is so important to you that you’re willing to keep your brother in the closet to placate homophobes, who are by definition bad people, and who have the option to simply not comment on your brother and his partner, you are not a good person! 
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Aug 19, 2019 19:31
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LadyPictureShow posted:I [26M] am so lonely in my marriage and I want to seek attention elsewhere wasn't there a guy a couple days ago who also had this "i hooked up with her a few times, but it wasn't an affair because it was purely physical" attitude
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Aug 19, 2019 19:32
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Sagebrush posted:you didn't answer the question at all. you made up a hypothetical and answered something else. do you think that the brother coming out at the wedding would be generally taken in stride and ignored, that people would immediately go back to paying attention to the wedding and not talk about the brother's sexual orientation at all? how on earth is it a false analogy wouldn't bringing someone of a different race be a 'powerful statement' to a bunch of racists? in what way is there a difference? you're saying that uptight bigots would be disturbed be the presence of homosexuality, yes? and we should just accept that's to be accepted. well i don't.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:33
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ulex minor posted:do you not understand that a same sex couple coming to a wedding shouldn't be seen as more of a 'big announcement' as a straight couple? or you're just saying homophobic people will see it that way and we need to conduct ourselves in a way that doesn't ruffle their feathers The homophobic people are the problem, making the OP deal with that problem on his wedding day instead of literally any other day sucks though. The reality of the situation is that the wedding is right around the corner and the brother is putting more stress on the OP by forcing them to weed out and deal with their lovely relatives during this high pressure time. You're right that a gay couple showing up should be treated the same way as a straight couple showing up, that's not going to happen though and OP is in a position of doing something that will potentially ruin his wedding or doing something that will hurt his brother. It's a lovely situation to have to be in but op isn't an rear end in a top hat for putting himself and his fiancee first on his wedding day.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:34
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DemoneeHo posted:The wedding situation sucks because the brother wanted to come out to everyone during a time which he thinks is safe and the whole family is together and everyone can celebrate together. But as much as i think as weddings are dumb, needlessly high-stress events that people need to chill out on, taking away focus from the bride and groom is bad form. It loving sucks even just showing up with his boyfriend has to be taken as a bold statement that will offend the sensibilities of the feeble minded, but this is the loving world that heteros have molded. It loving sucks thay they have to tiptoe around the feelings of homophobes just so the couple can have their day, but it really is their day. I won't poo poo on the brother too much for wanting to pick a celebration of this magnitude instead of coming out months ago, because coming out is a big thing for anyone who doesn't feel safe enough. I mean this is obviously the most politically expedient and best option but it doesn't make the denizens of this thread feel good about themselves
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Aug 19, 2019 19:34
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:if a drama free wedding is so important to you that you’re willing to keep your brother in the closet to placate homophobes, who are by definition bad people, and who have the option to simply not comment on your brother and his partner, you are not a good person! The brother kept himself in the closet for years and chose the single most inopportune moment to change that. The simple fact is, if you're supportive person and your sibling comes out, you're going to want to direct a lot of attention and energy toward them to make sure they feel loved and validated, especially if there will be homophobic people in the room you essentially have to balance out. Things that require big diversions of attention and energy are big no-nos at weddings, and no one in their right mind is going to go the "oh, okay" route with the brother when they run into him. Hell, even if 100% of the people in the room were completely supportive, it would still be the wrong time to do this.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:39
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Chairman Mao posted:The homophobic people are the problem, making the OP deal with that problem on his wedding day instead of literally any other day sucks though. sometimes life sucks! and moral decisions often do not make your life easier. hawowanlawow posted:I mean this is obviously the most politically expedient and best option but it doesn't make the denizens of this thread feel good about themselves political expediency has nothing to do with morality
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Aug 19, 2019 19:40
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Chairman Mao posted:The homophobic people are the problem, making the OP deal with that problem on his wedding day instead of literally any other day sucks though. The reality of the situation is that the wedding is right around the corner and the brother is putting more stress on the OP by forcing them to weed out and deal with their lovely relatives during this high pressure time. You're right that a gay couple showing up should be treated the same way as a straight couple showing up, that's not going to happen though and OP is in a position of doing something that will potentially ruin his wedding or doing something that will hurt his brother. It's a lovely situation to have to be in but op isn't an rear end in a top hat for putting himself and his fiancee first on his wedding day. you're basically just saying the same thing, i.e. oh a gay couple should be treated the same BUT
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Aug 19, 2019 19:41
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oh man, i'm not racist BUT oh i'm not homophobic BUT probably i'm not into bestiality BUT (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Aug 19, 2019 19:42
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Pick one: 1. Coming out is a Big Deal. It's understandable why someone with a regressive extended family would be reluctant to come out and want to wait for a big special occasion to come out. 2. Coming out is not a big deal. It's not any different than a straight person "announcing" their sexuality by bringing their first SO around and should be treated as a trivial formality that you can casually drop at any time. 3. Life's loving complicated and two brothers who love and support each other can want conflicting things for good reasons even though it means that one of them is going to hurt the other no matter which one gets their way, especially if they're not communicating closely enough to see conflicts coming in advance.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:45
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“wait, doing the right thing might make my life harder? being a good ally could impact the way I’m able to move through the world smoothly, interacting easily with everyone because my identity doesn’t threaten them? I have to give some of that up? well gently caress that, it’s not fair that my life should get harder for something I didn’t even do also don’t judge me or make me feel bad about this in anyway tia”
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Aug 19, 2019 19:45
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ulex minor posted:how on earth is it a false analogy even if everyone at the wedding is completely in support of the brother's sexual orientation, announcing it at the wedding is still a big deal. it still diverts attention from the couple getting married because coming out is a major life-changing event and you can't expect people to just not react to it. that's been my point from the beginning. i agree with you on every point except using the wedding day itself as the day to come out. and race is a false analogy because dating someone of a different race is not a sexual orientation and there is no coming-out process associated with it. this is why i'm interested in your response to how people should handle the brother's coming-out at the wedding. should it be entirely ignored, like if someone shows up with a girl of a different race ~for the first time~? or should it be acknowledged as the major life step that it is?
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Aug 19, 2019 19:46
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Pick one: 1: I love my brother so I am okay with him bringing his partner to my wedding. 2: I know my family hates gay people so I tell him to come alone.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:48
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:sometimes life sucks! and moral decisions often do not make your life easier. yes I know, that's why I chose that word y'all know how the crowd will react, you know they will say the brother is just trying to steal his thunder, you know how effective that will be, and you know how to avoid it and make the homophobes look bad at the same time, but you still just want to walk right into it true blue democrats lol, no better allies anywhere
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Aug 19, 2019 19:48
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Some of y'all are really committed to showing your asses. Showing up with a date isn't lighting up a giant neon sign during the vows. It's only a problem if someone makes it a problem, and those someones can pound sand. Fine opportunity to set the precedent.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:48
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Sagebrush posted:even if everyone at the wedding is completely in support of the brother's sexual orientation, announcing it at the wedding is still a big deal. it still diverts attention from the couple getting married because coming out is a major life-changing event and you can't expect people to just not react to it. that's been my point from the beginning. i agree with you on every point except using the wedding day itself as the day to come out. you are person with a very low IQ to not understand how these things are not comparable
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Aug 19, 2019 19:50
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TheScott2K posted:Some of y'all are really committed to showing your asses. But not as good an opportunity as any given day over the past 6 months.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:50
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ulex minor posted:you're basically just saying the same thing, i.e. oh a gay couple should be treated the same BUT Yup, pretty much. Apply the same test to a straight person bringing their new partner, or better yet, announcing their engagement during a wedding. Both of which happen all the drat time with full support from disgusting bigots.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:50
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hawowanlawow posted:yes I know, that's why I chose that word I'm english so gently caress off with this 'democrats' nonsense
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Aug 19, 2019 19:51
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Straight White Shark posted:But not as good an opportunity as any given day over the past 6 months. I think giving the chuds time to titter amongst themselves and "prepare" is a worse way to do it.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:52
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Sagebrush posted:wasn't there a guy a couple days ago who also had this "i hooked up with her a few times, but it wasn't an affair because it was purely physical" attitude Yep, I posted that one too. He was worried if he hooked up with her a second time that would nudge it to cheating territory. WTF is up with dudes justifying 'just once isn't cheating... it's an encounter.'
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Aug 19, 2019 19:54
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truly, the optics of my actions in the eyes of the Independents of the Wedding, who could really go either way on whether to support bigots or a gay man, are what should be most considered
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Aug 19, 2019 19:54
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tactlessbastard posted:Why does half of Reddit gently caress up queue/que/cue? they are barely literate morons, op
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Aug 19, 2019 19:54
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Avoiding drama like this is why I tell everyone important in my life about my sexual proclivities up front. They all know I'm into fat girls.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:58
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Yup, pretty much. Apply the same test to a straight person bringing their new partner, or better yet, announcing their engagement during a wedding. Both of which happen all the drat time with full support from disgusting bigots. Announcing an engagement at a wedding would also be socially unacceptable. If everyone thought the straight person was gay for years and then suddenly announcing that they are straight it would also be a bad time to do that. The brother should have come out a month ago and then they could have let the bigots self select out. Deciding to come out at the wedding is kind of a lovely thing to do when he could have done it at any point prior without making his brother deal with the drama on his wedding day.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:58
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:truly, the optics of my actions in the eyes of the Independents of the Wedding, who could really go either way on whether to support bigots or a gay man, are what should be most considered it will be more effective and reduce the brothers stress, the only place it falls short is making you feel good someone else's wedding is not the time to confirm that accelerationism doesn't work
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Aug 19, 2019 20:02
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BF (21M) freaked out at me over getting my (22F) tattoo, how do I go about this?quote:[new]
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Aug 19, 2019 20:04
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therobit posted:Announcing an engagement at a wedding would also be socially unacceptable. If everyone thought the straight person was gay for years and then suddenly announcing that they are straight it would also be a bad time to do that. i beg you, i honestly beg you, stop and think about how bad it is for a same sex partnership to come to a wedding, honestly ask yourself why you think it's a thing that should have been announced in advance, what is the reason that same sex couples need to tell people they are together with a months notice.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:08
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The really rear end in a top hat in this situation is the nerd who scheduled the wedding to be the same as the brothers' coming out day.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:08
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ulex minor posted:i beg you, i honestly beg you, stop and think about how bad it is for a same sex partnership to come to a wedding, honestly ask yourself why you think it's a thing that should have been announced in advance, what is the reason that same sex couples need to tell people they are together with a months notice. is your goal to expose the homophobes as assholes and leave them no excuses? because if that's your goal, the advice you are giving is very bad
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Aug 19, 2019 20:13
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I'm a gay man so I'll chime in: 1. Telling your brother not to bring his boyfriend because he may offend known homophobic people is an rear end in a top hat move. loving stand up for your brother that you supposedly love. 2. However, gay brother using OPs wedding as a platform to come out is also an rear end in a top hat move. Brother should come out before the wedding and then bring his boyfriend to the wedding. Brother is trying to use the wedding as a buffer to not have all of the focus on him, but coming out there would just make it worse IMO. Personally I would be equally angry if someone proposed or announced a pregnancy at my wedding. It's undermining the time and effort taken by OP for his own wedding. I'd have brother bring the boyfriend, but no announcements will be made about coming out. If people figure it out and then act like assholes, OP will have to put them in their place.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:13
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hawowanlawow posted:is your goal to expose the homophobes as assholes and leave them no excuses? because if that's your goal, the advice you are giving is very bad is it bad advice? my advice is just, you should let your gay brother bring his boyfriend to your wedding regardless if that will piss people off
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Aug 19, 2019 20:23
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ulex minor posted:is it bad advice? my advice is just, you should let your gay brother bring his boyfriend to your wedding regardless if that will piss people off You're talking about what the OP should do, the people you're arguing with are talking about what the brother should do.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:31
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Marchofthepenguins posted:My 20F Girlfriend Found Nudes of My Best Friends Girlfriend on My PC. Context Within, Advice Greatly Appreciated. "I downloaded them in a supportive way" Lmao.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:31
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Yup, pretty much. Apply the same test to a straight person bringing their new partner, or better yet, announcing their engagement during a wedding. Both of which happen all the drat time with full support from disgusting bigots. Only morons think it's a good idea to announce an engagement during someone else's wedding.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:34
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Saying the gay brother is an rear end in a top hat for even asking is ridiculous, he talked to his brother privately, got told no, and despite clearly having his feelings hurt acquiesced anyway. He's the only one in this story who is definitely, unambiguously, nta.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:39
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Announcing major life events at not your wedding isn’t cool no matter what it is. Also the race thing totally isn’t the same thing.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:40
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I (29m) can't stop smelling womenquote:First thing: when I say I can't stop smelling women I mean that whenever I am near a woman it's impossible for me to not notice their particular smell, NOT that I'm actively going around and sniffing ladies.
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Aug 19, 2019 20:41
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as an Actual Gay since apparently we have to do that now gay brother is an rear end in a top hat, don't come out at someone else's wedding. it's not about youuuuuuuuuuuu
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Aug 19, 2019 20:41
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Cat Army 