/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Pinecone Sample posted:

I(33m)need to divorce my wife(32f) after seeing something I wasn't supposed to.

"How dare she not tell the world I have massive jackhammer dick and am rocking her brains out every time we gently caress!"

It's not even some small dick ego its the absurd fantasy that you are the best sex she'll ever have in her entire life. God forbid something not be perfect when it comes to a penis.

Men and woman both known exactly who they had the best sex of their life with and it is 100% not the person they happily married. It was the fun crazy maybe dangerous? person they had a fling with once but know in their heart would make a terrible life partner.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:07

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:08

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Imagine satisfying a woman.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:07

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

i'm sure that guy can immediately name like 20 things about his wife that he wishes were different but nooooo gotta divorce her because she told a close friend that there's one relatively minor thing about him that isn't perfect

pentyne posted:

Men and woman both known exactly who they had the best sex of their life with and it is 100% not the person they happily married. It was the fun crazy maybe dangerous? person they had a fling with once but know in their heart would make a terrible life partner.

this is a really bizarre statement that says a lot about you and your approach to sexuality

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:07

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

He should cut off his decent enough dick in front of her and sign the divorce papers with the bloody tip.

Anyway, what is the appropriate age to explain to your children that you are divorced because mommy texted her Australian friend that daddy's dick could be a tad larger?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:11

Voting Floater: May 19, 2019

Honestly, if I found out my SO was describing by dick to others as "could be a little bigger, but overall decent" I'd consider that a win.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:12

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Any employment attorney�s here? Can an employer fire someone for not reading books?

quote:

The company I work for is about to put in place the following policy... Is this even legal grounds for termination?

The success of our mission critically hinges on the ability of every employee to expand their minds and improve their critical thinking abilities, everyday. This policy with its consequence and reward only applies to full-time employees. Rules Every employee is required to read at least 1 new book per month from either the New York Times Bestseller List OR from my recommended reading list. These 2 lists will be published in the office within a few days of the last day of every month. Consequences Employees that fail to meet this requirement within a 30 day calendar period will receive a written warning and be placed on probation. If the employee fails to meet this standard for two consecutive months, they will be terminated. An employee previously on probation that fulfills the requirement the following month will receive a written notice that they have been removed from probation. Employees� performance in their position will not provide a pass or safety net from this corporate policy, this includes the CEO. Rewards The reading program provides an opportunity for every employee to receive an extra $1200 per year as a cash bonus paid out on the 5th of each month for the previous month�s efforts in the amount of $100.   To qualify for the cash bonus, employees must select a new book from my recommended reading list, start and finish the book within a 30 day calendar month, and submit a short essay directly to me by the last day of the month with answers to the following 4 questions:

My biggest takeaway from this book is....

An interesting correlation I noticed between this book and the book �x� that I read is....

I believe the knowledge I obtained from this book will help me be a better critical thinker by...

I will apply my newfound knowledge to help us take an incremental step towards the betterment for all of humanity by... Employees that fulfill this requirement for the reward, but fail to meet the requirements of the Reading Program will forfeit their cash bonus.

LOL

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:13

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

pentyne posted:

"How dare she not tell the world I have massive jackhammer dick and am rocking her brains out every time we gently caress!"

It's not even some small dick ego its the absurd fantasy that you are the best sex she'll ever have in her entire life. God forbid something not be perfect when it comes to a penis.

Men and woman both known exactly who they had the best sex of their life with and it is 100% not the person they happily married. It was the fun crazy maybe dangerous? person they had a fling with once but know in their heart would make a terrible life partner.

Are you married?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:13

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Burt Sexual posted:

Imagine satisfying a woman.

No.

I refused to satisfy my ex-wife and I'm not about to start thinking about it now. Frankly, I'm not even sure my son is mine because I was thinking about men when he was conceived so it totally didn't count.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:14

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Update from late June

I [24F] am at the end of my rope with my wife [27F].

quote:

This is a hard post to write, forgive me.

I have been the primary support for my wife since I was disowned for being gay four years ago. She got me a bus ticket; for that, I’m infinitely grateful.

I feel like I have watched her decay in front of me. Either that, or she’s always been like this and I just became more cognizant of it. I thought she had depression; she eventually went to the hospital in 2017 for suicidal tendencies. We got married in 2018 thinking things would be better. But it hasn’t gotten better.

She will stay on her laptop all day and only get up to use the restroom or have lunch with a friend. She shares the trite self-help posts and drums up support and attention online. All of my friends here know her, and knew her first.

On the outside, we look happy together. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with her outside the house. I fell in love with her for a reason, we mesh well intellectually and have a great time together.

The logistics of living with her fill me with dread and resentment. She does not help with house cleanliness or chores at all, and either willfully refuses or cannot comprehend putting things into trash cans. She will leave things like takeout trash on surfaces for months. The bedroom looks like a level 3 hoard; there’s no visible floor and the tallest parts of the refuse are at least at my hip joint. The rest of the apartment is less bad but still not good.

She tells me that she can’t get or keep a job because of her emotional state but tells me that the psychiatrist believes her depression is situational, primarily based on her weight, and refuses to prescribe anything for it.

She is obese. I am also, even more than she is according to BMI. Her mobility is compromised and she doesn’t seem that concerned about it. This scares the poo poo out of me.

My wife’s life plan currently entails at least 13 additional years of not contributing financially. This would be one thing if she was trying to be a doctor, but she’s not. She wants to have kids and raise them as a stay at home parent for six years after getting a four year degree, and get her masters after that.

Now, I am not saying a stay-at-home mom doesn’t contribute to the health of the family. My wife is not currently contributing now and we don’t have children.

Frankly, the proposition of raising children with this woman given current factors gives me angina. I already feel like her caretaker. Why would I want to add a child to this?

The current situation is that I have finally broken out of menial jobs, but I need to move. A part of that is cleaning out the apartment to get ready to leave. We agreed to have it done by June 1. That deadline came and went. I told her that it needed to be done by July 1 at the absolute latest.

I reminded her about the deadline every time we brought up the move. She told me to stop nagging her on the 10th, so I did. It is now the 22nd, and she has only taken three bags out of the 40 that it most likely needs, and the only reason she did that was because I was pissed on our anniversary with how I’ve felt like a pack mule for years.

It is 9 days away from the deadline, and I can’t take this anymore. I can’t keep setting expectations and having them ignored or railroaded. I can’t stand watching her care so little about my needs.

I know that I should wait until July 1 to be fair to her, but I’m so hurt. I can’t keep baring my soul, working all the time, and maintaining a house for two people while I’m going through my own poo poo. I have a severe mental health condition that I keep in check with medication typically and my wife told me she needed the money for something that, in hindsight, was ridiculous. That was the beginning of February. It’s going to be July in 9 days.

The thing that hurts the most is that she says the right things. She knows what to say. She doesn’t do any of them more than once.

A friend from college has volunteered to take me in while poo poo hits the fan. I’m scared of what my wife would do if I tried to leave. She talks a lot about her low self-esteem and how I’m the only thing keeping her going. She has been hospitalized before for suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I feel so much guilt, Reddit.

I know intellectually that I can’t be the one who wants to live enough for the both of us. I can’t be the only one working towards progress. I will literally combust if I have to continue doing this.

Divorce is ugly as a legal process, but I don’t think I can keep going on like this. My wife is behaving like an addict. Maybe she is addicted to the internet and to her societal perception. That’s for a smarter person than I (with a license) to figure that out.

What do I do, Reddit? Wait until the first? Just pack a bag and get out? My friend says this is abusive, but I feel wrong using that term knowing that there are battered women on the streets. My wife doesn’t seem to think I’m serious about the July 1 deadline.

Thank you for reading. God/fate bless you.

TL;DR: I have been supporting my wife for years and she doesn’t respect my needs. I set a deadline to clean up a hoard-like situation and there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that it will be done by that date. I want to leave, but I’m worried about my wife. What do I do?

UPDATE: I [24F] am at the end of my rope with my wife [27F].

quote:

Hello, everyone.

I wrote here two months ago about my relationship with my wife. She was a hoarder and had a litany of other issues that were above my pay grade. I asked Reddit if I should leave by July 1, and it was unanimous that I absolutely should.

I didn’t leave July 1.

I left the night of June 30.

The cleaning didn’t get done, surprising literally no one. We were driving to our apartment and I told her that I was really crestfallen about July 1.

“Why? Is that a bad date for you or something?”

I was furious, but kept it to myself. I told her how I felt, and I reminded her of my deadline. I told her that I was moving out and that I was done.

She cried and cried and cried, and begged for a week to clean the apartment to “show that she was committed to this marriage”. I said that she was free to do it, but I wasn’t going to sleep there during that, and I moved in with my friend. We agreed to reassess the condition of the apartment Sunday morning.

She told me how spiritually edifying it was to clean. I was really optimistic for a bit.

Wednesday comes and my FIL calls me, frantic. He’s like a dad to me. He tells me that my wife emailed him (which she never talks to him unless she has to), and I asked why. He told me that she begged him to tell me to ‘come back home’. He remarked that it was bizarre, but I was incensed. “No, FIL, it’s not bizarre, it’s lovely. She’s trying to leverage you though our relationship to get me back.”

Saturday comes and she sends me a message on Facebook saying “you know, it doesn’t look as good as I wanted it to physically, but I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress emotionally and isn’t that what matters?”

I told her that such progress would have been appreciated two years ago, but I had to walk- I couldn’t do it any more.

She spent money online with our card without informing me on yarn and we had a disagreement about it. I told her that I wanted the bank account closed, but she “couldn’t bear to see me in person”. I redirected my checks to a new account instead.

It had been weeks and I finally went back to get my things and it got a lot worse. There was a water leak in the carpet, the litter boxes weren’t taken care of since I took care of them the day I left, and she managed to move the microwave into her bedroom. The latter was particularly surprising because she refused to move anything heavier than 10 lbs because of a cited rotator cuff injury for years and yet got a 40 lbs microwave into her room.

I reported the conditions to my MIL, who co-signed the lease with us. She called me back to bemoan “what am I going to do about my daughter? You don’t understand how hard it is to have to think about how to take care of her!”

I snapped at MIL about her nonsense. She asked me what she should do about my ex-wife, feeding her histrionic personality. I told her that I had no idea, but she signed papers 27 years ago that made it her responsibility and not mine.

I’m happily living with my friend. Her and I are currently figuring out what we are, but we’re being supportive of each other and making each other lives easier. We both just celebrated birthdays (happy quarter-century!) and that was perfect.

I’ve been told that my ex-wife has had a much more rigid and stoic affect since I left. MIL told me that she didn’t even say she missed me. “It’d be nice if she came back.”

I heard from FIL that they’re mad that the car I have is in my name; it was given to me as a graduation present, and was an old family car.

I start my new job tomorrow. I’ve been getting ready all last week and I am so nervous but so excited.

I’m really glad I left.

TL;DR: My wife begged me for her last second chance, still didn’t do anything. Tried to get her dad to bend my arm to come back. She wrecked the apartment even more since I left, so I notified MIL. MIL is more concerned about herself than her daughter. I’m happy with my friend and I start my big girl job tomorrow, and thank God.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:20

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Burt Sexual posted:

Are you married?

No.

Sorry, bad example. That was a big overreach for what I was going for.

Going into a marriage or serious relationship and having an ego so fragile that the idea your partner has had better sex before infuriates you is a pretty lovely thing.

Maybe they are the best sex ever, that's a good point for sexual compatibility but no one should have the mentality of their partner fantasizing about someone/thing else as an unforgivable slap in the face to everything else in the relationship dynamic. Especially when they have kids.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:23

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Putting the microwave in your bedroom is a game changer because you can makes nachos in bed instead of eating your shredded cheese out of the bag.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:24

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Voting Floater posted:

Honestly, if I found out my SO was describing by dick to others as "could be a little bigger, but overall decent" I'd consider that a win.

Haha, yeah. It's so weird and inexplicable how he's melting down and considering divorce over his wife saying his dick is very decent. Not like she said he has a tiny worthless penis that never satisfies her. I'm confused over what he was expecting. Whiny manbabies are so drat strange.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:25

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

Pinecone Sample posted:

Putting the microwave in your bedroom is a game changer because you can makes nachos in bed instead of eating your shredded cheese out of the bag.

You can also easily reheat your floor pizza

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:25

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Jack-Off Lantern posted:

You can also easily reheat your floor pizza

Why put it on the floor when you have a microwave as it�s new home?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:27

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Potatoes in a burrito seems dumb and bad, counterpoint?

Burritos are good as a breakfast food, friend

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:29

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

We talking about big weenies?

I just found out our son changed the billing address on his Playstation Network account to Oregon in order to avoid sales tax. I see he spent about $100 on PSN. I changed it back to the state we actually live in, which does have sales tax. How can I pay the missing tax, and how serious is this?

quote:

Our son (16) got a PS4 for Christmas last year.

For his birthday in April he just asked for PSN credit, which is easy enough to pickup at the store, and I got him two $50 pre-paid cards.

Jump to today - I saw him purchase Batman on his PS4, and when he went through the process of buying it on the TV, I saw the total price was the same as the cost of the game. I just casually said "I guess they don't have sales tax for digital stuff yet."

He then pretty much told me that, no, in fact digital purchases do have sales tax, but that he changed the billing address to some place he picked out in Oregon which does not have sales tax.

For starters, his Playstation has been taken away. I looked at his account online, and as far as I can tell, he spent nearly his whole $100 Playstation pre-paid money and avoided paying sales tax the whole time. I've since changed the address back to where we actually live.

Now I'm concerned. I think my kid committed tax fraud, albeit owing tax < $10, but still, I want to pay that tax, and have no idea what the enforcement is for this time of action.

What should I do so that I pay this tax, and how serious is the offense?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:30

SilvergunSuperman: Aug 7, 2010

Ned Flanders is a real person?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:31

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

CharlestheHammer posted:

Why put it on the floor when you have a microwave as it’s new home?

It's on the floor under your bed, and you keep the whole party pizza package under there.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:32

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Power Khan posted:

AITA for getting pissed off at my GF because she was masturbating while she kept me waiting downstairs?

"I had something better to do"

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:36

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for pointing out to my friends that they are not famous?

My friends are dating, they�re also actors who have had small roles on a few tv shows (I�m talking two lines or less). I say this not to be a hater, I truly am rooting for them, but to give you a scope of their reach. Neither of them have a following in real life or on social media (they�ve got under 1500 followers combined).

Anyway last week I posted a group picture on Instagram of people celebrating a friends birthday. Everyone in the photo has got their arms around each other�s shoulders. Very platonic.

Anyway yesterday in a group chat between the three of us they asked me to take the photo down because they don�t want �the public� to know they are dating. I would consider it if they looked bad/too sloppy drunk/etc. but they don�t. Also everyone has their arms around each other, not just them.

Anyway I asked what they meant, and they said they didn�t want to end up in gossip rags....

I pointed out that they are not famous and that they don�t even have functioning IMDb pages. They were livid and called me a bunch of names.

I think they�re delusional but they�ve been texting me demanding it and even sent me screenshots of them reporting it (nothing has happened). At this point, I don�t even want to be their friend. However, and probably because I�m an rear end in a top hat, I don�t want to delete it based solely on principle.

Edit: okay, so many of y�all are right. I suppose I should separate how I feel about their (ridiculous/delusional/stupid) reasoning with the fact that no one should have an image of themselves online that they don�t want made public. I�ll take it down.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:41

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

"Sry you had to wait 20mins outside, had to jerk off to uhhhh "you". I was so horny."

I'll try that on my wife next time lol

"What? You want to sex right now? Nah, already had my share. Btw, hand me the butter pls."

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:41

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Power Khan posted:

"Sry you had to wait 20mins outside, had to jerk off to uhhhh "you". I was so horny."

I'll try that on my wife next time lol

"What? You want to sex right now? Nah, already had my share. Btw, hand me the butter pls."

How would you account for the other 18 minutes?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:43

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Pinecone Sample posted:

How would you account for the other 18 minutes?

Quick nap

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:53

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

My (24F) dad (58M) wants to quit his stable job to become a �cake decorator�

Disclaimer:Throwaway being used and couple details have been changed. The main one being that my dad doesn�t ACTUALLY want to be a �cake decorator� but the business he wants to start is pretty niche (yet still creative) so I changed his �idea� to �cake decorator� for privacy�s sake.

Firstly, sorry for the long novella below. Had more to say than I realized.

So I guess I�ll properly start by saying, I have a pretty good relationship with my family. I grew up in a loving household, with my mom, dad and brother.

After high school both me and my brother moved out, and are financially independent young adults (aka neither of us are rich but we have jobs and can pay our respective rent and bills on-time). So this is not about money.

We were a lucky enough family we were a single income household, with my dad earning the money.

Recently my dad has gotten...a bit weird...whenever there are family gatherings he spouts all these weird ideas and then gets offended when there�s any push back, or when someone says �hey maybe that�s not such a great idea.� At first we thought it was a mid-life crisis but things have gotten progressively weirder. Sometimes he will act on these ideas with little to no concern about how his weird actions affect others.

Some of weird Ideas/actions include:

-talking about buying a completely and totally impractical car

-selling their home, getting a mini camper van and road tripping across America (no employment plans)

-waking up at 3am (this is literally not an exaggeration) to drive to the golf course (20 minutes away from my parents house) to �be the first one on the green� when they open.....at 7am. We have always been invited on these early morning golf excursions and my mom has actually joined him on a number of these...so that�s literally what he is doing...sitting in a parking lot for 4 hours getting hyped about golf.

-taking out a loan to buy a horse. Literally for no reason.

-taking out a second loan to buy a second horse. Because he didn�t want the first horse �to be lonely.� My dad doesn�t ride horses.

-seriously talking non-stop about population control as a way to save the earth (like calm down Thanos) and wanting to start a non-profit that promotes population control

-renting an apartment in a small city, that no one in my family has ever been to, 8 hours away, in case one day �he wants to see that city.� He has been to this apartment exactly one time and was upset when no one in the family understood �why� he did this.

But by far the weirdest one is he wants to quit his job to start a cake-decorating business. He knows absolutely nothing about cake decorating and when asked to practice he become angry. Claiming this is a skill that will come naturally to him?!?

This isn�t like he�s quitting his job and becoming an independent consultant in the field he is in. No. This is like quitting his job to do something he has no education or training or experience in whatever-so-ever.

He basically has no plan beyond, �oh cake decorating looks fun.� No idea on legal requirements, no start up capital, no business plan, and most importantly...no cake decorating experience!!

I know all businesses start as an idea but when mentioning, �hey dad maybe you should take a class in this first to see if you actually like it?� He gets super offended. Acts like we don�t trust him and accuses us of not supporting �his life-long dream� that no one has ever heard about.

I worry about what the state of my parents retirement will be if he does this. My mom so far has been calling his bluff, since he hasn�t quit his job yet, but she recently pulled me aside and told me she�s been interviewing (after 25 years out of the work force) because she�s beginning to think he�s serious. Her main concern isn�t really the money but losing insurance as they begin to head into old age.

I also worry that he�s just doing this as part of this weird rear end mid-life crisis he�s having right now. My dad never used to be like this and about two years ago he started cooking up all these weird plots. And I haven�t even mentioned all the strange stuff he talks about. Sometimes I actually really worry he�s losing his mind.

The worst part is feeling like I can�t talk to him about how crazy this all is, he always used to be open and receptive, but recently he freaks out if you try to point out that maybe quitting your job to become a completely unexperienced cake decorator isn�t the best idea.

Guys...I love my dad, he�s worked incredibly hard for my family, and I want him to pursue his dreams, and if that really means quitting his stable job to pursue a passion, I�d be happy to do that...but I�m not sure this actually IS his passion. He never used to be so....unconventional? I don�t really mind him being a bit out there but...like I feel like I can�t even talk to him anymore. Any advice on how to broach the subject with him without him feeling like im stopping all over his dreams?

TL;DR: My dad is currently having the mid-life crisis of the century. He responds badly to attempts to talk about why it is a poor idea to quit his job and start a business in something he has no experience with. Any tips on how I can get him to hear me/think about this more seriously?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:57

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Pinecone Sample posted:

How would you account for the other 18 minutes?

Being undecided about which porn tab it is now.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:57

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

Power Khan posted:

"Sry you had to wait 20mins outside, had to jerk off to uhhhh "you". I was so horny."

I'll try that on my wife next time lol

"What? You want to sex right now? OK, hand me the butter pls."

FTFY

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:58

Fantastic Flyer: Aug 9, 2017

Smirking_Serpent posted:

-taking out a loan to buy a horse. Literally for no reason.

-taking out a second loan to buy a second horse. Because he didn�t want the first horse �to be lonely.� My dad doesn�t ride horses.

Oh my God, that is beautiful.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:00

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

I had no idea we have such a shortage of cake decorators and bakers until I started reading reddit. I wish the presidential debates covered this. It makes me wonder if we are even consuming enough sugar.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:03

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

He sounds like a cool dude tbh.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:08

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

Pinecone Sample posted:

AITA for how I handled this coworker insulting me?

Extremely satisfying update:

https://reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/cvb3b6/coworker_tried_to_get_me_fired_over_breast/

TLDR at bottom. Also I've been told that isn't what a reverse uno is but I can't change it.

4 years ago now, when I was 24, my mum died of breast cancer, and as both my grandmothers had also died of it I saw a specialist for a screening. I found out I had some cells in one of my breasts that could have turned cancerous at any given moment.

I was told I had a few options:

1. I could have regular screenings every 3 or 4 months until it does develop into cancer (I was told the risk of the cells becoming cancerous was very high due to family history) but it could also potentially never could turn so I'd just be getting these screenings for no reason
2. I could get a single mastectomy on the breast with the bad cells, but they'd need to keep an eye on the other one, so I'd still need regular checkups for the other breast
3. I could get a bilateral mastectomy and remove all of my breast tissue, basically eliminating the risk.

I went for the bilateral mastectomy. It was admittedly the most drastic option but after seeing what cancer did to my mum and grandmothers I didn't want to risk it.

I was warned about scarring but told it should be fairly minor. It wasn't and I was left with 2 huge, pink, jagged scars on either side of my chest, each about an inch long and half an inch wide, and it caused me to go into a severe depression, where it got to the stage of me not even leaving my flat because I didn't want people to see me, throwing out my mirrors, and getting physically sick looking at myself.

I went to a therapist, who suggested a plastic surgeon. The therapist said they'd never normally do that but it was clearly something I was struggling with and I might never get over it, and the therapist could see why I struggle with it. Although I'll admit the therapist did send me to ask about scar reduction. The plastic surgeon suggested a cream, a laser or implants. The cream didn't work, and the laser was both expensive and risky, so I went with the implants. My natural boobs were an F cup so I went with a slightly smaller DD. Since then my mental health has improved and I feel a lot better about the way I look. My confidence has gone up, as has my self esteem. I know I shouldn't put so much into my appearance but I wasn't exaggerating about these scars. Huge, bright pink, jagged, raised, just really awful to look at and I hated seeing myself, and they are now nicely hidden away and you can barely feel them.

In the present day, I'm 28 years old and working in an office. I'm doing a lot better than I was. My coworker, Jill, found out I'd had a boob job (but not about the cancer thing), when myself and my friend from years before the mastectomy were planning a holiday and she made a joke about me going on a plane with my implants, and Jill overheard. By the end of the day, the entire office knew I'd had a boob job, but not why, and half a dozen people confirmed Jill had told them.

Over the next few months Jill made many "jokes" and comments about my chest to coworkers when I was in earshot, at one point saying I had "more plastic than Barbie" and calling me "fake in two ways". I didn't hear this one myself but a friend in the office told me that Jill had at one point referred to me as a "sack of silicone".

IDK what her problem was exactly but at one point she mentioned the NHS so I assume Jill thought that I'd got my tits done for free on taxpayer money (I'd gotten the mastectomy on NHS but gone private for therapy and implants).

I asked her to stop more than once, but unfortunately the places I'd talked to her were places like the lift and the women's bathroom, where there weren't any cameras, and Jill just kept making comments no matter how often I asked her not to. I wouldn't say it was every single day, but I heard at least 3 comments per week for 3 months.

I hit my breaking point when me, Jill and a few other coworkers were having lunch, I referred to something as being shallow and Jill said "you'd know all about being shallow" while gesturing to my chest. I snapped.

I said "do you know why I have these? A few years ago the doctors found potentially cancerous cells in my breast tissue, I was advised to get a mastectomy and was left with huge ugly scars on my chest. I went to see a therapist who sent me to a cosmetic surgeon, who advised me to get implants to hide the scars, and I did just so I could look at myself in the mirror without crying. So maybe next time you want to judge someone for having cosmetic surgery, you should ask them why they had it first". And feeling like that was a mic drop moment I picked up my food and left.

For the rest of the day I had about 1/3 of my office come up to me and offer support, and the rest tell me that Jill was just joking around and I was being a bitch. I replied that Jill was being a bitch long before I was.

I then got an email from HR saying they wanted to talk to me the following day, and when I called for clarification they mentioned a "hostile work environment" (note: this is apparently an American term and holds little weight in England but it's what was said over the phone). I knew the person who signed off the email and I'd spoken to. Her name was Debbie, and she was Jill's friend in HR so I was fairly confident on who had reported me.

I realised that if this was already being sent to HR, I needed as much ammunition as possible, so I went about collecting my information.

As Debbie had dealt with me so far, it was safe to assume she would be the person reviewing the complaint with me, and if that was true I was hosed. However, I vaguely remembered a section on complaints that was in my contract when I first signed with the company. I flicked through the contract and there was a part in complaints section that said I was contractually allowed to request a change of reviewer if I felt my allocated reviewer was biased. It was called an "impartial overseer". I photocopied the page and highlighted that part.

Then I messaged the people who had offered their support over facebook, and said basically "HR have asked to see me. Do any of you remember Jill insulting me to your face and are you willing to write and sign something saying what you heard and when?". Not everyone was willing to help as Jill is somewhat feared in the office due to her befriending HR and management but about 20 people were willing to help me.

I guessed roughly when I'd asked Jill to stop previously (the 4 asks over the last few months, some timings were easy to guess as they'd happened on my break or when I'd first arrived at work) and I wrote them all down, along with a rough time of when the lunchroom confrontation happened and a list of names of who was there for the lunchroom confrontation.

I got to work slightly early the next morning. I went round everyone who had messaged me and most of them managed to give me a printed and signed letter (some didn't manage to write one but nbd). This isn't exact words as there's 16 letters to sum up here but the gist was:

"My name is \[their name\]. I work with Jill Lastname and OP. On \[date\] at \[time\] (approx), I spoke with Jill Lastname, during which she referred to OP as \[quoted insult\]. I felt this was inappropriate as it directly related to OP's appearance and am willing to go on record further to establish that Jill Lastname has been discussing OP in the workplace in the same manner for 3 months now, causing me discomfort and creating what I feel is a hostile work environment. Signed \[their name\]"

I wound up with about 16 letters, all from different people, and one of them was in the lunchroom for my conversation with Jill. Some even had bulletpointed lists of everything Jill had said to them about me or other people, as it turns out Jill has issues with a lot of people's appearances. She apparently made comments about one coworker's weight, and something antisemitic about a different coworker's nose, all of which were put in these letters. There are about 45 people in the office so while 16 wasn't a majority, it's still a decent amount. The letters weren't hugely long, most were only a paragraph, but they had all the necessary information.

I was asked to come to HR at 10am. I took the letters from coworkers, the photocopy of the page in my contract, and my dates and times in a little folder with me.

I got there and Debbie was the one overseeing the interview. She got up from her desk, ready to lead me into another room.

I immediately turned to the other HR worker that was currently there and said "so is my meeting with you, then?"

Debbie said "no, you're with me."

I replied that this wouldn't sit well with me, as "my contract states I have a right to an impartial overseer" and as I said this I took the contract page out of my folder. Debbie read it (I wouldn't let her take the paper when there was a shredder so close by) and said she could be impartial. I replied that I really didn't mean to be a pain, but I had it on good authority that the person on the other end of this complaint is her friend, and my contract does say I'm allowed an *impartial* overseer.

Debbie stomped off to get Supervisor. Supervisor asks how I know she can't be impartial and I tell him that I have it on good authority that the Jill, who was on the other end of this complaint, is a close friend of Debbie. He asked Debbie if this was true, to which she only replied "I can be impartial".

Supervisor took a deep breath, asked the other HR rep to come with him, and the four of us all went to review the complaint. I thanked them for being so accommodating (I was worried I'd annoyed them), Debbie took out the complaint and all 3 of them went through it with me. Debbie looked homicidal the whole time the interview was happening, as she had clearly anticipated firing me (or at least recommending me being fired).

The interview went something like this. It took like over half an hour and they kept asking me the same questions but phrased different ways so this is a really drastically condensed version.

Q: You said outside that you think Jill Lastname reported you. Why is this?

A: Jill has had an issue with me for about 3 months now

Q: Why didn't you come to us when you realised Jill had an issue?

A: I had no issue with her

Q: What issue does Jill have with you?

A: Four years ago a specialist identified potentially cancerous cells in my breast tissue. I had surgery to remove my breast tissue, thereby removing the cells and the risk. After the surgery I was left with large scars on my chest. I went to a therapist for low self esteem and depression. The therapist suggested a plastic surgeon who suggested breast implants to cover my scars. All of this is in my medical history which you have a copy of in my file and my full permission to review. Jill found out about my breast implants but didn't know about the cancer. Jill had a problem with my breast implants, and decided to communicate this problem to our coworkers.

Q: Why do you feel this is true?

A: Here's 16 signed statements all from different coworkers, all testifying that Jill told the entire office I'd had breast implants on the day she found out and has since made comments about these implants frequently. They have quotes of what Jill said to them about it and rough dates and times.

Q: *Rough* dates and times?

A: No one knew this would be escalated to such an extent so no one really took notes as and when it happened.

Q: What event or events do you think directly led to this complaint of harassment?

A: For me harassment began when Jill told everyone about my breast implants without my consent, but as to the complaint placed against me, it would probably be what happened at about \[time\] yesterday in the lunch room. Jill made a comment about me being shallow while gesturing to my breasts and I replied by giving her an abridged version of my relevant medical history and ending with a comment about the importance of getting the full story. There are cameras in the lunch room, so I'm sure you'll be able to find that conversation. I'll admit I could have handled the situation better, but after 3 months I felt I had to put my foot down. Here's a list of names of people who were also present. There were 6 people at the table, including myself and Jill. One of these people is also in those letters, and has written their account of the conversation and signed it.

Q: Had you had a conversation with Jill prior to this regarding her comments about you?

A: Several, spaced out over the last 3 months. Each time I communicated to her that I felt uncomfortable and upset with these comments she was making and would appreciate it if she were to stop.

Q: To your knowledge, was Jill made aware of your former cancer at any point in this time?

A: No. It wasn't mentioned in the conversation with my friend she overheard and I didn't tell her because frankly it's none of her business and I did not feel the need to detail my medical history to a coworker in order to avoid further sexual harassment.

Supervisor stands up and says "well I think we're done here". He shakes my hand and sends me back to my desk saying that I'd hear from them after they reviewed the evidence (letters, CCTV, medical history and anything they had already) and made a decision on the case.

I got back to my desk, pulled up my CV, and prepared to start the job search again.

About an hour goes by, then the person who wrote the letter and was there for the lunchroom conversation gets called for a meeting with HR. They come back 10ish minutes later.

The other people who were also there for the lunchroom conversation get called one by one, except Jill. All of them are gone for about 10 minutes then come back, find a coworker, and say that HR wants to see them.

Then the people who wrote letters but weren't there yesterday are also called one by one and are each gone for about 10 minutes each, some longer, some shorter. By about 3:30 it looks like everyone who wrote a letter or was there in the lunch room has been interviewed.

Then, finally, Jill gets called in. She's gone for about 30 minutes and comes back fuming. She glares at me while I work, but I ignore her.

4:30ish, Jill gets called into HR again. 5 pm rolls around, everyone is either leaving or getting ready to leave, when Jill storms back into the office. She glares at me the whole time she packs up her desk. She then starts telling anyone who will listen that I got her fired before shoving her way onto the lift.

An email comes in from HR. My case is closed.

TLDR: Coworker harassed me over having implants (which I only got because I had cancer), I called her out, she reported me to HR for calling her out, I got a bunch of people to write statements of all the times she harassed me and she got fired instead.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:09

Resting Lich Face: Feb 21, 2019; This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

Thumbtacks posted:

Extremely satisfying update:

https://reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/cvb3b6/coworker_tried_to_get_me_fired_over_breast/

TLDR at bottom. Also I've been told that isn't what a reverse uno is but I can't change it.

All you had to do was not be a total rear end in a top hat Jill. That's it.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:10

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Lol. Dude's girlfriend admitted she's super horny and was masturbating to him and his only reaction is anger over "wasting his time" before they got breakfast, not pulling down her panties that very moment. 😂😂

Yeah wtf get with someone on your level of horny and you will eliminate half of the resentment in your relationship at a snap.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:17

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Thumbtacks posted:

Extremely satisfying update:

Heck yeah
That's the jillest thing ever

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:20

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Thumbtacks posted:

Extremely satisfying update:

Sometimes, there IS justice in the world.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:28

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Thumbtacks posted:

Extremely satisfying update:

https://reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/cvb3b6/coworker_tried_to_get_me_fired_over_breast/

Man, I wonder how unfulfilling Jill's life must be to care this much about making up random bullshit drama at work for absolutely zero personal gain. Maybe smoke some weed and chill out a whole bunch? Start a new hobby? Buy a new Bad Dragon dildo? Sign up for an interesting yoga class?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:33

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Is it legal to take out a billboard stating and naming that a person is being sued for giving someone genital herpes?

quote:

A civil lawsuit is public information, so I am wondering if it would be legal, and above being sued successfully for invasion of privacy or anything else, to take out a billboard stating that a person is being sued for giving another person genital herpes, with a picture of the person and their name.

This may seem overboard, but giving someone genital herpes knowingly can destroy their lives. I just want to know if it's legal and above being sued, as the information is true, public information, and I'm not saying anything a about their medical history, only that they are being sued for transmitting genital herpes. With their picture and name.

South carolina

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:38

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

My boyfriend doesn't want me to meet a guy from Instagram. I feel restricted. (F20) (M48)

quote:

I talked to a guy on tinder aaages ago. Just casual, and I made it sure he knew I was only looking for friendship. I was new to tinder and I soon realized it wasn't ideal for friendship, so I deleted it. The guy and I still follow each other on Instagram though. We talked a bit recently and found out we live super close. He suggested we could meet up and I told him I have a boyfriend now so I'm not interested in anything dating related. He said he understood and that he wanted to meet just as friends.

My boyfriend is completely against this. I love my boyfriend and I would never be disloyal. I can't see myself being interested in someone else, I've made the decision to be committed and I'm so happy with that. My boyfriend says he trusts me but he doesn't trust the guy and thinks I'm naive. I want to challenge myself to make friends. I have literally ZERO friends. I feel like I should be able to meet whoever I want. I'm not interested in Instagram guy, I don't want anything ambiguous with him, I just wanna live my life and not avoid and ban people from my life just because my boyfriend says they have an agenda.

My boyfriend now hates this guy a lot and says he's a manipulator narcissist who's dangerous.I don't know this guy, neither does my boyfriend but he says he's gathering this from his Facebook and his way of talking. He says he's slimy and dangerous, but in my eyes he's just being nice and normal. Even if he has an agenda, I can handle it! I trust myself. If someone makes me uncomfortable I will reject them. I feel like I'm having to complete ditch someone who could be a friend just because it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable and it is making me feel kinda bad. Boyfriend asked me to block him just now but I said no. And now boyfriend is frustrated/mad at me. But I also love my boyfriend and I want to be with him. He said during an argument that if I meet this guy we're over, he took it back but it made me really afraid of losing him.

Should your boyfriend have the right to decide who you meet and don't meet? Should I be more selfless? Am I disloyal for wanting to be friends with a guy my boyfriend doesn't like? What do I doooo?

Edit: boyfriend and I have dated for half a year

Tl:Dr:

I want to meet a guy from Instagram. My boyfriend is not happy with this. I'm uncertain of what to do

lol though "from Instagram"

Also she met her grandpaboyfriend on Fetlife

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:42

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not letting a couple enjoy their date because they ruined mine?

so me and my girlfriend are both HUGE Harry Potter fans. HUGE. we found a 10 hour screening that showed the first 4 movies back to back. naturally, we decided to go. the theatre was mostly empty, except for this one couple and their kid a few rows down. this kid would not stop crying for a goddamn second. i ignored them for the first hour, then made some annoyed coughs that they heard, but ignored, and finally, i went up to them and asked them if they could either calm the kid down, or leave with him. they were rather rude about it, saying they were entitled to the theatre as well, and that we should deal with it.

they were probably accustomed to the sound of a child crying, and seemed to be having a good time, but i was miserable, unable to enjoy the movies. so, i started bawling loudly as well, right until one of them shot a dirty glance at me, took the kid, and left.

on the way out, the wife told me that they'd been looking forward to this break from parenting for a long time, and that I'd ruined their day. girlfriend thinks i'm TA. i think, leave your kid at home with a sitter if you can't get them to shut up. AITA?

Edit: Kid was an infant, probably like a year old.

Edit 2: Everyone's bringing this up; theatre staff talked to the parents themselves when the movie began, but were reassured that it wouldn't be an issue. the parents simply waved them off, and they stopped bothering after, so i didn't see much sense in calling the usher again.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 22:11

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

AITA for slapping apples out of my sister's hand while she's driving?

quote:

My older sister of 5 years, delivers freelance for Amazon and I've been riding shotgun to help her carry the heavier loads.

She paid a set amount for everyday I worked, out that job's salary. So I was doing as much for my own benefit as it was for hers.

After a shift on our way back home, my sister while driving started to eat an apple as she was too hungry to wait until we got back home. (It's a 35 minute drive home, we usually don't stop to eat during the day as it's quicker to maintain a steady pace.)

My sister has been driving for 5 years and to the best of knowledge she's never had accident or a close call during this time.

I told my sister she shouldn't multitask behind the wheel and

Her response was that it would be fine and that she's been driving for years, so it wasn't a big deal. She said she knew what she was doing.

I said; it didn't matter about how low the risk was, that an accident waa still a possibility and that she was driving in an area she was unfamiliar with. (Needs SatNav for guidance)

She then said; It's her van and she can eat apple if she likes, then said "If you don 't like the way I drive, you can get out."

She continued to eat the apple, much to my aggravation so then I proceeded to slap the apple out of her hand, resulting in the apple falling down the side of her door.

She retrieved another apple and warned me not to do it again. I said I would do it everytime as there was no need to pointlessly increase the risk of an accident over eating behind the wheel.

I repeatedly attempted to slap this second apple out of her hand and we ended up struggling over the apple with her telling me to let go. This caused the van to stop in the middle of a junction, and I let go realizing I was making the situation worse. But still insisted that she was wrong.

She finished the apple afterwards and we got home safely.

We still disagree over the over the matter so who was the rear end in a top hat here?

Edit: I should also add, she was still using her phone periodically while eating.

I stopped riding with her until she agreed to stop eating behind the wheel. And I did apologise to her that evening, for using violence to make my point. I do recognise how counter intuitive it was.

Imagine dying in a crash because the apple you slapped out of your sister's hand got wedged under the brake

# ? Aug 25, 2019 22:26

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# ? May 14, 2024 12:08

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

silently eating an apple takes far less of your concentration and thus is much safer to do while driving than arguing with your dumbass sister who thinks you can't operate a steering wheel with one hand

# ? Aug 25, 2019 22:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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