cda posted:

cda posted:

Heather Papps posted:

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

bagual posted:

cda posted:

Plant MONSTER. posted:

FutonForensic posted:

Oscar-winning film where i want to gently caress mr peanut but i got a nut allergy

cda posted:

Macnult posted:

this was one of those posts where i laughed out loud and my friends were like “what’s so funny” so i showed it to them and they all laughed too

nut posted:

im gonna take my horse
to the old town road
im gonna ahhhhhhhh
buck skin coat

joke_explainer posted:

cda is a national comedy treasure

canyoneer posted:

no shirt
no shoes
no cervix

FutonForensic posted:

and so it was that I did accompany the man who had delivered my buffalo wings into the rear of his Kia Sorento, whereupon he produced two joints of intense fragrance and substance, and we did partake, and I did sputter terribly, for I had only partook of fainter joints of yore, and thereupon my companion did laugh, and call me a pussy, and in this I felt the shame of his words

hamjobs posted:

There once was a poster
Called Heather Papps,
An assless chap! What chapped his rear end,
Was assless chaps for assless chaps
Were not chaps at all,
Just pants, size small.

Bo-Pepper posted:

google THIS posted:

google THIS posted:

Mob boss: He refuses to talk. Break his fingers.

(henchman dutifully cuts up the chicken fingers so the baby won't choke on them)

Baby: Dada!

Mob Boss: Now that's more like it.

Luvcow posted:

i want to do a string of murders that reflect the wiley coyote/road runner mythos, like dropping an anvil on someone or painting a tunnel on a rock wall and watching them drive a truck straight into it. i think humor is very important during the grieving process and by murdering people in well known comedic ways maybe the families will have an easier time getting over it and coping with their loss.

Korean Boomhauer posted:

Manifisto posted:

google THIS posted:

google THIS posted:

cda posted:

lmao

cda posted:

lmao

ChubbyChecker posted:

woah

cda posted:

lmao

google THIS posted:

Manifisto posted:

google THIS posted:

cda posted:

"Where did Sauron come from?" Frodo asked.

"He was once a Maiar. His name in Elvish was Mairon, meaning 'The Admirable One,'" responded Gandalf. "But then he began to smoke and everything went to poo poo."

"But how could that be? Isn't weed a fun drug, that makes you mellow?" Frodo said.

Gandalf's eyes flashed with anger. "I see corruption has come even to my beloved hobbits. No, Frodo. It is not a 'fun' drug. It is a gateway through which one glimpses the void. A Palantir into Nothingness. You ever seen Get Out?"

"No, but I've heard of it."

"It's like the Sunken Place, Frodo. You look at stoners, you see them with their vacant smiles, their laughs. You see them couch-locked. You think they're chill. But their souls are screaming, and their eyes are opened into another world of pain that they're powerless to express. You ever seen Hellraiser, Frodo?"

Frodo shook his head, ashamed.

"Sauron opened the Puzzle Box, Frodo. The Puzzle Box is weed. If you didn't have terrible taste in movies, you'd know what I was talking about right now."

FutonForensic posted:

still lollin at this

FutonForensic posted:

still lollin at this

google THIS posted:

Robert dreams of having the opportunity to ask, "Do you have stairs in your house?"

One day, he overhears someone casually mentioning Something Awful Dot Com in conversation.

From that day forward, he dreams of having the opportunity to ask, "Do you have stairs in your house?" and actually doing it.

Goons Are Great posted:

Bitch my butt is God's gift to humanity, don't fight me

cda posted:

11:35 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT:  Good evening.  Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who’s responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children.

It was nearly 10 years ago that a bright September day was darkened by the worst attack on the American people in our history.  The images of 9/11 are seared into our national memory -- hijacked planes cutting through a cloudless September sky; the Twin Towers collapsing to the ground; black smoke billowing up from the Pentagon; the wreckage of Flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, where the actions of heroic citizens saved even more heartbreak and destruction.

And yet we know that for many of those in the Baseball community, bin Laden was something other than a terrorist; he was a coach, a confidant, a teammate, an inspiration. From his early days as a flame-throwing left hander to his transition into the dominant full-game pitcher of his era, to his tenure as manager and his legendary dugout antics that endeared him to millions, Osama bin Laden's legacy will live as long as our national pastime continues to lift our spirits and unite our country.

I do not mean to praise him, only to state what cannot be denied. As I do, I must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Major League Baseball.  I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against baseball.  So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity, even as we cannot help, in our souls, to pay tribute to his superior ballplaying skills, to wish just once more to see the lanky Saudi climb the pitcher's mound and perform his unique brand of magic and majesty.

The cause of securing our country is not complete.  But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to.  That is the story of our history, whether it’s the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens, or chasing after that pennant one last time, bowed by age but strong of heart, reduced to pitching in relief, but ennobled by the undying love of baseball's true fans; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices, even of our greatest sports heroes, to make the world a safer place.

Thank you.  May God bless you.  And may God bless the United States of America.
        
END               11:44 P.M. EDT

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

cda posted:

he looks like this:

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

artist's interpretation

google THIS posted:

Context: Smoobles' new av

FutonForensic posted:

the ship of theseus problem: i ship theseus with a character bearing no resemblance to me, but i gradually alter the description until that character is me exactly. at what point did theseus stop butt-blasting the other character and started butt-blasting me

alnilam posted:

Thread title: would Aristotle beat off to hentai