Jerusalem posted:

I love pro-wrestling so much, it's so loving great

quote:

Zero Hour

Renee Paquette welcomes us to Zero Hour and throws it briefly backstage to RJ City who will be covering the red carpet backstage. Paquette runs down the Revolution card before RJ interviews Danhausen & Orange Cassidy as Danhausen starts cursing a bunch of random celebrities while Cassidy walks off. Paquette interviews Don Callis about his thoughts on Page & Moxley as well as the Trios Titles before throwing it to commentary for our opening Zero Hour contest.

ROH Tag Team Champion Mark Briscoe & Lucha Bros (Penta El Zero Miedo & Rey Fenix w/Alex Abrahantes) defeated Varsity Athletes (Tony Nese & Josh Woods) & Ari Davari (w/Mark Sterling)

(A really fun party match to get the crowd going right off the bat. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dem Lucha Boys get a future Trios Title shot down the line, as this trio has looked awfully impressive in back to back nights.)

Huge ovation for Dem Lucha Boys before Sterling introduced his team like it was a basketball game. Things broke down after a triple face off early with Nese suffering a triple team before Fenix & Briscoe wiped out Woods & Daivari on the floor. Made in Penta connected on Nese, as he narrowly escaped at two. Sterling ran distraction long enough for his team to gain control on Penta, who was isolated for an extended period until Penta did a cazadora on Woods into a double DDT on Nese & Daivari.

A Sling Blade led to a Fenix hot tag, who ran wild as only he could. A fast series of superkicks on Woods led to a Tornillo off the top, but Woods hit a pump knee in mid air. A gnarly spinning brainbuster into the corner from Woods allowed him to tag in Nese. Fenix fought out of a fireman’s carry on the second rope and turned it into a hurricanrana narrowly avoiding disaster. Briscoe unleashed his Redneck Kung-Fu and wiped everyone out before Daivari was planted with a neckbreaker. Briscoe launched himself off a chair, clearing the top rope and took out all of the opposition before a Froggy Bow attempt was cut off by Nese.

Briscoe was repeatedly cut off in the corner before a Tower of Doom spot led to a Nese 450 splash for a close near fall. Everyone took turns wiping each other out until Briscoe teased Jay Driller. Sterling took the ref and Daivari smacked Briscoe with Sterling’s clipboard. The 1RM hit by Nese & Woods, but Briscoe kicked out at two. Lucha Bros cleared house with kicks, as Nese & Daivari were dropped with an assisted double Fear Factor. Briscoe connected with the Froggy Bow on Daivari for the win. Post match, Abrahantes tossed Sterling into the ring where he ate a Fear Factor for good measure.

**********

-A video package on All Out weekend is shown, as Wednesday May 24, Friday May 26 and Sunday May 28 they will be in Vegas for Dynamite, Rampage and All Out.

-RJ City & Paquette took turns alternating interviews with the Jericho Appreciation Society, Toni Storm, Britt Baker, Powerhouse Hobbs, Sonjay Dutt & Adam Cole. RJ was spray painted by Storm, who did thank him for naming her hip attack Sweet Cheek Music. RJ also had a hilarious back and forth with Hobbs as I love that AEW is using him more than just his delightful Hey! (EW).

-Tony Schiavone was standing by a casket and grave that’s near the entrance ramp, as he talked about the Final Burial between Christian Cage & Jungle Boy Jack Perry.

**********

AEW Revolution

Excalibur welcomes us alongside Taz & Jim Ross and talks about the loaded card on tap tonight.

Ricky Starks defeated Chris Jericho with the Jericho Appreciation Society banned from ringside

(A strong opener, the crowd hot for most of it, with Starks getting a rare accomplishment of beating Chris Jericho twice in AEW, as Jericho’s plan blew up in his face.)

Starks’ ribs are taped up from the attack on Dynamite, as both men slugged it out immediately. Jericho was sent outside, which allowed Starks to do his pose before connecting with a Tope. Back inside, Jericho gave Starks a hard buckle to take control, but narrowly missed a Lionsault. Starks was hung up on the top ribs first and sent crashing into the guard rail. Jericho zoned in on the ribs, as Starks attempted a comeback, only to eat a springboard dropkick to the outside.

Starks was back in the ring and mowed Jericho down with a clothesline and step up DDT off the ropes. Jericho cut off Starks in the corner, looked for a superplex, but Starks planted Jericho face first to the mat. Starks leapt, but Jericho hit a knee square to the ribs and DVD for two. Starks countered a Code Breaker into a powerbomb to regain control, tried Roshambo and a Spear, only for Jericho to hit a Code Breaker in mid air for a close near fall. Jericho looked for a top rope dive, as Starks hit the Spear for a close two of his own.

Another slugfest ensued, as Starks tried a leap off the top, but tweaked his leg to allow Jericho to sink in the Walls of Jericho, which Starks countered into a single leg crab. Sammy Guevara strutted to the ring and was floored by Action Andretti, which turned referee Aubrey’s attention. Jericho was able to grab Floyd the bat and hit Starks in the ribs. Starks blocked a Judas Effect and connected with Roshambo for the victory.

**********

‘Jungle Boy’ Jack Perry defeated Christian Cage in a Final Burial Match

(Cage & Perry did a great job keeping the crowd captivated for this. One of the biggest wins in Perry’s career, as he can now firmly put this Cage feud behind him as he goes after singles gold in 2023.)

After a quick start, Perry attempted a dive, but Cage bailed deep into the crowd, with Perry chucking a drink at him. Cage tried to head up the ramp, but saw the casket and got spooked, allowing Perry to attack again. In the ring, Perry tried ten corner punches, but Cage slid through and slammed Perry down. Cage stared down Perry’s family ringside as he stood on the hair, pulling Perry’s arms up the wrong way. Cage tried his slingshot right hand in the ropes, but Perry avoided and nailed a Tope.

Perry attempted to stomp on the right arm like he did previously in this feud on the steps, but Cage swept out the legs and Perry landed hard. Cage is bleeding from a headbutt, as he took Perry’s belt off and violently whipped him in front of Perry’s family. Cage lifted the casket and inside were two chairs, as Perry fought back with both men trading control until Cage backdropped Perry on the stage. Cage tried a Killswitch on a set up chair, but was sent flying off the stage, as Perry hit a somersault dive.

Cage begged off and hit a desperation low blow kick, as he closed the casket and drove Perry repeatedly face first against it. Perry was placed in the casket, fought out; Cage threw dirt into his eyes and connected with a Killswitch. Cage tried a Con-Chair-To, but missed and Perry swung a shovel to knock the chair out of Cage’s hands. Cage desperately raked at the eyes, missed a shovel shot and Perry locked in the Snare Trap. Cage seemed to pass out, as Perry set things up, looked up to the heavens and hit a Con-Chair-To. Cage was rolled into the casket, as Perry gave one final glance before slamming the door as the casket fell into the ground.

**********

The House of Black (Malakai Black, Brody King & Buddy Matthews w/Julia Hart) defeated The Elite (Kenny Omega & The Young Bucks (Matt & Nick Jackson) w/Brandon Cutler & Michael Nakazawa) to win the AEW Trios Titles

(To the surprise of no one, this was action packed and loaded with intensity throughout. The crowd were back and forth during a lot of this, as it was a phenomenal contest.)

As much as I enjoy Carry on Wayward Son for The Elite, the House of Black’s entrance blew them out of the water tonight. Don Callis joined commentary as Omega & Matthews started things out, showing their athleticism with kip ups and reversals aplenty. Black tagged in and immediately got This Is Awesome chants before even locking up with Omega. Black countered the speed into a takedown, but both traded their home run shots, with each escaping narrowly. Matt tagged in and demanded King, realized his mistake and tried to tag in Nick, who wanted no part of it. King overpowered everyone, as the House of Black were about to do dives until The Elite jumped back in for a face off and slug fest.

Nick hit a nasty slingshot face buster on Matthews and moonsault to Black outside, as Matt took out both on the floor as well. Omega sent King to the floor with a hurricanrana and connected on the Terminator Dive onto all House of Black. Nick hit a 450 Splash on King, who kicked out at one, steamrolling The Elite to follow. House of Black cleaned house on the floor, as Nick remained isolated until Omega got the hot tag to run wild. The Bucks connected on dueling superkicks to Black & Matthews, as King was laid out by an Omega V-Trigger to the back for two.

Omega tried a Snap Dragon on King, who countered into a violent lariat. The Bucks cut off a triple team attempt, but Black fired off a nasty pump knee and leg submission on Omega. Matt broke it up with a dive, as everyone took turns hitting high impact moves until finally Omega & Black stood tall. After a forearm and knee battle, both men crumbled for the reset. Julia Hart distracted Nick long enough to get trapped in a sleeper on the apron by King, until Matt broke it up and Omega clobbered him with a V-Trigger. Multiple Snap Dragons on Black by Omega, as Hart again rose to the apron. Omega tried a One Winged Angel; Black wiggled free, as Omega fired off a V-Trigger and took out Hart.

Black connected on his home run spin kick, but Omega was bailed out by Nick at two. Dante’s Inferno connected on Omega, but again The Bucks broke it up. King wiped out The Bucks outside, as Matt was launched into the front row. House of Black surrounded Omega, but took too long, as The Bucks broke it up with a Superkick Party. BTE Trigger connected on Black, but Matthews broke things up. The Bucks tried a Meltzer Driver, only for Matthews to hit Nick in the air mid flip. Nick was planted with Dante’s Inferno and House of Black win the titles in a thriller.

**********

Jamie Hayter (w/Dr. Britt Baker) defeated Saraya (w/Toni Storm) & Ruby Soho to retain the AEW Women’s Title

(The match itself had its moments of being pretty good stuff, but the post match took me out of it. I know Soho, despite being an over babyface, was inevitably going to join up with Hayter & Saraya, since she’s not an “AEW Original”, but to have it happen after a hard hitting triple threat was an odd choice to me.)

Saraya took Hayter to the floor early until Soho hit a charging dropkick, landing smack on her back. The match spilled into the crowd, as Soho leapt off the railing for a double cross body. Soho was draped over the railing, as we got a singles match briefly between Saraya & Hayter as it was Hayter who hit a Rock Bottom on the apron. Soho flew back in off the top and took out Hayter with a leg sweep. With Soho on her back, Hayter was able to fight off Saraya and hit a double headlock suplex on both ladies.

Hayter connected on double Swing Low, Sweet Lariats on both before the match started breaking down with Saraya hitting the Knight Cap on Hayter, Soho with a Saito Suplex on Saraya and Hayter laid out Soho with a Hayt-Breaker. All three ladies slugged it out, as Saraya slapped both and called for them to stop oddly. She promptly got beat up, as Soho got a two on Hayter with a snap hurricanrana. We got a Tower of Doom spot with Saraya the one standing tall, as she applied the PTO on Soho before being clobbered by a Hayter lariat. Storm & Baker jumped up on the apron and ate shots, as Saraya hit a Ram-Paige, Soho hit No Future and Hayter rolled up Soho for the flash pin.

Post match, Toni Storm laid out Britt Baker and attacked Jamie Hayter with Saraya. Baker broke things up, as Soho was sitting in the corner watching this happen. She launched Saraya & Storm to the floor, saying they don’t run this place. She held up Hayter’s hand, only to lay both her & Baker out with No Future. Soho took the spray paint sprayed a L on Baker and Hayter, as she officially aligned herself with Storm & Saraya.

**********

Hangman Adam Page defeated Jon Moxley in a Texas Death Match

(To say this was a war would not do this justice. The crowd reaction during this made this even better as well. Excalibur compared these two to Bruiser Brody & Stan Hansen, as this was violent, bloody, creative, everything you’d want in a culmination of a feud and Texas Death Match. Bravo to both men involved, as so much was put into this classic.)

You win this match by making your opponent submit or not answer the ten count. Page came out to a cool video package and (Ghost) Riders in the Sky by The Outlaws. Page sprinted at Moxley during his entrance and brawled through the crowd. Barbed wire boards were brought out, as Page used a strand of barbed wire right across the head of Moxley, who, you guessed it, was busted open. Page wrapped the barbed wire around his book and tried to stomp down, but Moxley turned the tide biting Page. Moxley clobbered Page with barbed wire for payback a few weeks ago on Dynamite, as Page is bleeding now as well.

Moxley pulled out a fork, as Page shot a double leg, but Moxley sank in a triangle, stabbing Page repeatedly. Moxley searched for and finally found a barbed wire wrapped chair, setting it up in the corner. Page tried to charge, but was sent face first into the chair, leaving a bloody imprint. A half crab over the barbed wire chair by Moxley got audible gasps, as did a brutal chair shot to the back. Moxley set up chairs back to back, covered in the wire, but as he dished out ten corner punches, Page hit a powerbomb through a chair, thankfully avoiding it flush.

Page wrapped his torso up in barbed wire, cutting himself in the process, hitting a huge moonsault to the floor in an incredibly violent moment. Page took too long to set up a chair ringside with a barbed wire board, which Moxley hit a Cutter back inside. Moxley rolled outside and got two bricks and a chain, as he placed Page’s hand between the bricks and stomped on it. A picture perfect piledriver on the chain landed flush, as Page got up around seven. Moxley hog tied Page, but Page bit at the hand, flipped Moxley off and hit a palm strike. Page hit a back drop suplex and lariat to create some distance.

Page wrapped his right arm in barbed wire and hit rolling elbow strikes before hitting a fall away slam onto the barbed wire chair. Page followed up with a nasty Dead Eye onto the chair, as Moxley rolled to the floor at nine. Page hit a slingshot dive and sent Moxley into the set up barbed wire board, as Moxley was laughing. Page was crotched in the ropes, as Moxley pulled a strand of barbed wire and raked it across the back, as Page raked it across the face. Moxley jolted up off a chair and tossed Page to the floor through another set up barbed wire board. Page just beat the count, as he rolled into a King Kong lariat, but fired up and traded more lariats.

Page tried the Buckshot, but Moxley countered into Death Rider and Curb Stomp onto the brick. Moxley & Page slowly rose as Page threw everything behind a lariat. Page stacked the bricks on their sides, looked for Dead Eye, but sank in a rear naked choke. Moxley hit a mule kick low blow, but as he charged, Page clobbered him with a brick. With the chain wrapped around his neck, Page hit Moxley with a Buckshot Lariat and hung him over the top rope, as Moxley tapped out.

**********

Wardlow defeated Samoa Joe to win the TNT Title

(These two had the task to follow that Texas Death Match, as the crowd was exhausted being just put through the ringer. Also as intense as this feud was supposed to be, this felt like just a match, with the finish catching literally everyone off guard.)

Wardlow tried a fast start, but Joe hung him up throat first on the ropes and delivered an elbow suicida. Joe lit up Wardlow inside the ring with jabs, but Wardlow quickly turned the tide, scaling the ropes with a Whisper in the Wind. Wardlow kept Joe grounded, as we saw Powerhouse Hobbs watching from the stands. Joe clipped the leg with a sweep to regain control, as Hobbs was smiling at what he’s seeing. Joe continued to work the leg, crumbling Wardlow.

Wardlow fought back with a spinebuster and F-10, as he hit a perfect senton atomico off the top for two. Joe ducked a lariat and got the Kokina Clutch, but Wardlow got the ropes. Joe kept pouring it on until Wardlow hit a powerbomb out of the corner. Wardlow tried another, but Joe popped up with a lariat. Joe tried his own Powerbomb Symphony, but Wardlow escaped into a headbutt and Kokina Clutch of his own. Joe’s arm dropped three times and Wardlow won the title really out of nowhere. Wardlow had a stare down with Hobbs from the stands, who held his giant gold ring up ahead of his TNT Title match this Wednesday.

**********

The Gunns (Austin & Colten) defeated The Acclaimed (Anthony Bowens & Max Caster w/Billy Gunn), Jay Lethal & Jeff Jarrett (w/Sonjay Dutt & Satnam Singh) and AEW All-Atlantic Champion Orange Cassidy & Danhausen to retain the AEW Tag Team Titles

(A majority of this felt like an 8 man tag until they crammed a crazy amount of stuff into the second half. I’m baffled Taz mentioned potential DQs, as literally everyone outside got involved right in front of the referee. Post match got a huge reaction, as FTR being back in the picture hopefully sets them up to regain the AEW Tag Team Titles.)

Jarrett & Cassidy started with Fargo Struts and hands in pockets galore. Cassidy hit a series of backdrops before locomotion clotheslines by Danhausen led to a hurricanrana on Lethal, but Colten tagged in and beat up the man who coined the term rear end Boys. Cassidy ran wild with a Satellite DDT, Tope, but Austin bailed before he ate an Orange Punch. Lethal planted Cassidy with Lethal Combination, but Cassidy fought back with Stundog Millionaire.

The Acclaimed saw their first action, as they laid out Sonjay Dutt with Scissor Me Timbers, scissored for the crowd, but were laid out by the Gunns. Bowens was isolated as The Gunns, Jarrett & Lethal all did a quadruple Fargo Strut. Finally Caster got the hot tag and cleaned house, pulled the imaginary straps down and dropped Lethal with an Angle Slam. The Gunns finally turned on Lethal & Jarrett as Satnam Singh got in the ring and threw The Gunns outside. Danhausen tried to curse Singh, but Dutt shoved him away. Danhausen broke the pencil, booted Dutt, as Cassidy hit an Orange Punch, low blow by Danhausen and Fame Asser by Daddy rear end on Singh.

The Gunns low blowed their father, as The Acclaimed picked them both apart. The Arrival and Mic Drop on Austin, but Colten made the save. Bowens was sent into the crowd, as Lethal tossed Jarrett a guitar, but Caster avoided, tried for a guitar shot of his own, but referee Aubrey stopped him. Lethal smacked Caster with the Golden Globe and Jarrett hit The Stroke for two. Aubrey & Jarrett had a shoving contest, as Taz mentioned a potential DQ, which, after everything we’ve just seen? Really? Danhausen missed a pump kick on Colten, as The Gunns wiped him out with 3:10 to Yuma to retain the titles.

Post match, Renee Paquette interviewed The Gunns, who claim to be the best tag team in the world until FTR’s music hit to a huge ovation. Dax & Cash walked out and slugged it out with The Gunns, planting Colten with a spike piledriver and Austin with Shatter Machine. Dax was busted open in the brief brawl, as FTR held up the tag team titles.

**********

MJF defeated Bryan Danielson in a 60 Minute Iron Man Match 4 falls to 3 in Sudden Death to retain the AEW World Title

(So much happened in this match and both Danielson & MJF made sure the crowd peaked at the right time. When we got to the Sudden Death, the crowd was molten hot and couldn’t believe how this ended. MJF showed the world he could hold his own with Danielson, as these two men both put on a spectacular main event to a really fun PPV.)

Excalibur noted there are no rest periods between falls. Danielson got his standard entrance, while MJF had violin players in masks playing his theme, as MJF walked out wearing his devil mask from Full Gear. MJF stalled for the first minute, then tried to out grapple Danielson, only to draw a smirk. Both men matched each other move for move , as it was a flat out back and forth early on before both kipped up into the stalemate. MJF jumped into the crowd, dumped a trashcan at a fan and threw a drink on a child. MJF popped Taz, as he looked into the crowd asking Dave if this will cost him a star and the Bryan Danielson Award. More reversals back inside before Danielson lit up MJF with kicks, only for MJF to drive Danielson face first into the corner and control the action.

After multiple back body drops, Danielson gave a Jushin Liger pose, but MJF drove him shoulder first into the corner and got a water break. MJF burned too much time messing with the fans, as Danielson hit a baseball slide, but during his Tope, MJF threw Danielson’s shoulder into the railing and a DDT spike back inside. Danielson hit a sunset flip powerbomb out of the corner 15 minutes into the match, as kicks and charging corner dropkicks followed. A corner hurricanrana got Danielson two, but MJF answered with a double stomp to the bad arm and powerbomb onto his knee. Danielson tried to skin the cat, but MJF hit a superkick and HBK pose.

MJF tried a springboard moonsault to the floor, tweaked his knee and Danielson hit his Tope. Danielson nearly dove into the Salt of the Earth, as MJF hit a Made in Japan to spike Danielson for two. An extended series of nearfalls of nearly every variety led to both men trading lariats into the double down. Danielson kipped up first and hit a Busaiku Knee to take go up 1-0 at the 26 minute mark. MJF hit a low blow to fall behind 2-0 via disqualification, but pinned Danielson immediately after twice to even things up 2-2.

Danielson blocked the Heat Seeker, responded with a missile dropkick, but each man ran into lariats from the other outside. Danielson hit a sprinting dropkick at the 30 minute mark and locked on the Figure Four inside, but a rope break got MJF free. Both traded piledriver attempts on the apron before Danielson chopped MJF down with kicks. While set up in the corner, MJF sent Danielson to the floor and wiggled free the camera set up on the ring post. MJF cleared the ring attendant table, set up Danielson and hit a massive top rope elbow through the table. Danielson broke the count at nine, but MJF made him pay, as he hit a Tombstone through the remnants of the table, clutching his bad knee, as Danielson is busted open.

Heat Seeker connected flush and MJF went up 3-2 with 19 minutes remaining. Now comes the MJF trash talk, as he looks at the camera mentioning Danielson’s children and telling him he F’ng sucks. With 15 minutes left, Danielson has nothing behind his punches as MJF blew a snot rocket at him. The action spilled outside and Danielson launched MJF into the railing and hit a diving knee off the apron. Danielson connected with a high cross body off the top to the floor, as MJF was crotched back inside in the corner. A superplex led to a diving headbutt that busted MJF opened badly, as he’s bleeding a gusher that would make Jon Moxley proud. Busaiku Knee led to a Regal Stretch to pay homage to William Regal, as MJF tapped with 10 minutes left to even things 3-3.

Danielson wasted too much time and MJF quickly sank in Salt of the Earth, as Danielson countered to the LeBell Lock, but the blood allowed MJF to wiggle free and get the arm bar back on. After trapping nearly every limb, Danielson got his toe on the rope. Headbutt and forearm exchange led to both collapsing with Danielson smiling and MJF crying at the 5 minute mark. Danielson hit a home run forearm, but MJF answered with another Heat Seeker for two. MJF connected with an Avalanche Tombstone, but MJF took too long to make the cover and Danielson got a single leg crab with a minute left. MJF tapped right after the bell sounded. Justin Roberts announced the match as a Draw and the crowd was furious.

Tony Schiavone said he got word from Tony Khan backstage and made his way to the ring, as MJF was being administered oxygen by doctors. Sudden Death Rules announced as Danielson nearly got a school boy, as MJF got a low blow and school boy of his own for two. MJF tried to use the belt, as referee Bryce said go ahead and get DQ’d, as MJF got Diamond Ring, missed and Danielson hit a Poison Rana and Busiaku Knee, but MJF kicked out. Danielson locked in the half crab, as Bryce noticed the ring and took it from MJF. A rope break by MJF, but he tapped at the same time, as Danielson thought he won. MJF grabbed the oxygen tank left ringside for some reason and I can’t believe Bryce never saw this. MJF applied the LeBell Lock to an unconscious Danielson, but the arm wouldn’t drop for three. Danielson started to fade and shocked everyone when he tapped and MJF retained the title.

NAG posted:

IcePhoenix posted:

Dacap posted:

dsriggs posted:

Eat My Fuc posted:

Remember when the Acclaimed came out and rapped "Young Cucks you can't beat us you're laughable, Trump really won we gotta storm the capital". Disgusting.

Malcolm Excellent posted:

Hey everyone I made a meme

dsriggs posted:

bebaloorpabopalo posted:

if these trends continue...

fez_machine posted:

Elephant Ambush posted:

Vandar posted:

Hefty Leftist posted:

explosivo posted:

Eat My Fuc posted:

shout out abroham lincoln’s pic

MassRafTer posted:

Cavauro posted:

another all-timer? it must be All Elite Wrestling.

Cavauro posted:

another all-timer? it must be All Elite Wrestling.

The_Rob posted:

Jungle boy kissed Christian and sent him to hell.

Penguin Patrol posted:

HAIL SATAN

xbilkis posted:

To meet his dad

Majinfoose posted:

Not that it matters, but Dave better not give that main 4.75 stars, I WILL SCREAM

Big Coffin Hunter posted:

Texas Deathmatch was my MOTN because that was some sicko sht and I loved every minute of it, but this show had 3 masterpieces loving great show

MorningMoon posted:

Trios matches was my favorite, but that, death and iron man were all incredible.

Cavauro posted:

i liked the iron man match and the texas death match so much that i had to vote texas death in the poll to give it a prize after deciding that the iron man match is the best