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In basic, our bunk leader people, whatever the gently caress they're called, couldn't grasp the idea that the reason the TIs would tell you do check your uniforms and everything else, even if you already did it once and it still looked good days later, would slip something in your stuff to see if you were checking. They spent most of the time freaking out and going on witch hunts, accusing other people of sabotaging poo poo. Most of the other people thought the same thing too. At my first base, there was a dude named Troy that was buddies with some other guy that was on leave to get married in the states when I first got there. Because Troy always has to do the same thing his friend does, he starts going to the filipino bars, wasting entire paychecks on payday, getting some girl drinks of water. I didn't know he was doing this until one day he tells me he's getting married and wants me to go meet his fiance and that she also has a friend for me to meet. I'm thinking he met some regular girl and after work we take a walk off base. I don't think anything's wrong until we take a turn down the road where all those bars are. Yep, we stop at one of the bars. I'm disappointed that I'm not meeting an actual non-bar girl but we hang out and get some drinks. At some point, it's his fiance's turn to get up on stage and dance and about a minute into it, he just gets up, walks up to the stage, gets on one knee and pulls out a ring. She gets the most shocked look on her face, looking at all of her friends, wondering what to do. That was pretty much the highlight of the evening. Yes, he did spend his entire paycheck that night. Months later he shows up for work in the middle of mid shift, when I worked and he worked days, so we kind of look at each other, trying to figure out what he's doing there. A bunch of us leave to work and he tells the guy that's left behind that he finally had sex and it only took him 3 hours but it's ok and she was fine with that. Up till that point he said he'd blow his entire paycheck just to have her come stay overnight and she'd sometimes take her clothes off and he'd look at her naked. A few months later he figures out it's not really going to work out and they break up. A couple months later, he starts seeing some lady that lives on base with her husband but they're going to get divorced but he still drives by her house to make sure he isn't home before he calls her. Maybe a couple months after that, they're engaged. She'll be her third husband and she got a kid from each of her other husbands, along the way. By the time I left the base, he had just made E-4, became an unbearably smug rear end in a top hat and made it clear the AF was the career for him. It wasn't just relationships and money he was a mess with. Remember when I mentioned he always had to do what his buddy did? After the one got married he eventually started clinging to another dude. This guy made a bridge because there was a ditch between our parking lot and the shop. Since he made one, Troy had to make one too. This resulted in him shocking himself with a circular saw because he was cutting in a circle and eventually got around to cutting the cord. He also delivered chaff and flare, completely loving up the inventory on a couple occasions within a couple weeks of each other. He may have done it more but all I know is that his shift ended at 4:30pm and I'm going out to get a trailer around midnight and he's still out there trying to figure things out. All I know is that the first time he said he got flustered by the loaders and told them to just take what they wanted and he stopped recording any of the numbers. I'm guessing it was the same thing the second time and who knows how many other times it happened but he managed to clean things up before midnight when I got there. There were a bunch of idiots in AMMO but Troy was just one of those dudes I worked with for 3 years where he was always doing something dumb. I figure he'll either retire after 20(the smartest thing he could do), get arrested for child porn, or kill himself when his wife dumps him for husband #4.
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Dec 11, 2012 22:42
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Soulex posted:This dude was a weird man. Not like masterbates with peanut butter Is that a real thing? Dude I posted about a long time ago was known to open the door on Saturday nights wrapped in a blanket with a strong odor of peanut butter in the room.
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Apr 14, 2014 18:37
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Dogs weren't allowed since it was the dorms but I don't recall anything against keeping a little asian boy in the wall locker.
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Apr 15, 2014 03:18
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Fart Sandwiches posted:How loving stupid do you have to be to not figure out how to change backgrounds? This is some meta-idiot story stuff. Think how lost he'd be if he had an android.
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May 9, 2014 21:44
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The guys fighting England to create America died but not to give us freedom. They died so some of us can get a day off work July 4.
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May 29, 2014 20:26
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Fart Sandwiches posted:Regarding retarded boot camp clothes: the navy kids at boot these days design and pay for class t shirts and hoodies. It's usually got their class number and roster of graduates along with some really moto poo poo going on in the background. I bought our basic training class shirt but only because I designed it  It was a daisy flower that was holding a noose in each leaf/arm. Each noose had a rabbit in it and one of the rabbits had a 341 with the name Hare on it because he was the only doofus that got recycled. For whatever reason, people thought a flower holding dead rabbits was a good idea.
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Jun 18, 2014 20:19
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Otisburg posted:Was the TI named Flores? That ain't a bad visual pun but buying basic training motto poo poo is still retarded. That name sounds familiar but it's been 18 years. He was going to be a ranger but had a bad knee. Not sure how many other TIs fall into that category.
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Jun 18, 2014 22:29
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Wild T posted:I've heard this story a million different ways since I came in in '02 and doubt it ever happened. The TIs even told us a version of it before we left. Honestly they'd probably figure "gently caress it, not my problem any more" and just call ahead to dude's tech school squadron so they can deal with the hassle. Heard it in '96 as well. It doesn't seem like the Air Force way to ignore it and call their tech school do deal with it. It would make more sense to stop everything for everyone and waste as much time as possible.
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Jun 20, 2014 15:55
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Reverand maynard posted:not if he grabbed whatever liberal arts degree was the easiest so he could become a career officer just like his unloving father Maybe a degree in Homeland Security from ICDC College after seeing an endorsement from Master P. http://ww2.icdccollege.edu/homeland-security-degree quote:*Baton and firearms training for the online program are made available through third-party providers.
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Jul 11, 2014 18:20
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Reverand maynard posted:In eve online I scam people although I have recently taken a break. Last week I taught a friend my method and then yesterday I got a message that he had scammed someone out of the largest ship in eve. Turns out some guy had just gotten back from Afghanistan and spent over a thousand dollars of his deployment money buying internet money which he promptly got scammed out of. On one hand, I'd be pissed off if the dude lost a limb while over there but if he didn't, sucks to be him.
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Jul 23, 2014 15:49
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PleasantDirge posted:I am about as far away from a person who has done any real time in the armed forces as it gets but isn't this more than a little messed up limbs lost or not? The way I see it is that if the dude has a problem but hasn't lost a leg over there, I'd just tell him to walk it off.
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Jul 23, 2014 17:35
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But don't you have to have scrambled eggs to think eve is worth playing
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Jul 23, 2014 18:53
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Booblord Zagats posted:Blackberry = doctor who is currently on call Blackberry = People that don't know other phones can push email as well.
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Aug 7, 2014 01:06
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We were cleaning the shop one day and an airman was told to throw a pile of stuff away. Next to the pile was a STU-III with the key. He thought was fine to throw out. They recovered it before the trash man came.
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Aug 7, 2014 15:49
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Shooting Blanks posted:Gotta admit one thing about that dude, she's unlikely to ever cheat on him. Have you never seen an episode of Cheaters? There's a line of black dudes and stick armed white guys all waiting to get a piece of that.
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Sep 17, 2014 15:52
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Casimir Radon posted:Some of us were recently at a bar during our TDY and some Russians, a guy and two girls, sit down next to us. This dumbass TSgt from the other wing that came with us just starts blabbing our whole story to these guys without any prompting at all. Told them what state we're from, what base we're staying at, what we're doing there, when we're leaving, etc. I'm sure he already told whatever prostitute, at whatever brothel he was at, all the juicy details and she's already reported it back to headquarters. I'm also sure his wife has already told whatever dude that face fucks her whenever her husband is TDY all the juicy details and he's already reported it back to headquarters.
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Sep 22, 2014 16:38
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Bolow posted:The Japanese police are also pretty cool. I watched some cute 5'2 chick judo throw some dumb drunken Marine and then she started beating the poo poo out of him with a night stick after he shoved another cop I want to say that the girls ones all have to do aikido. At least that's what I read years ago.
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Oct 3, 2014 00:04
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Cojawfee posted:What's with the explosion of supplement pyramid schemes on Facebook? The guy I was talking about also sells products from some pyramid scheme. Then someone else I know that's not in the military sells some energy patch pyramid scheme. Non-sales people are getting sold into the idea they can easily make extra cash for the holidays? Back in my day, everyone in Okinawa was selling Herbalife until they figured out the only way they could break even was to try and get someone else to start selling it.
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Dec 1, 2014 23:09
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bulletsponge13 posted:I would have re-enlisted indefinitely on the spot if the Army promised powered armor and loving up other planets. The Skinny Raid alone was enough to get my dick hard, and the prospect of doing more poo poo like that would have been worth the terrible drop on Big K. They should start offering things like 10% off the price* of a mustang. *msrp or a free iphone* *with 6 year army service contract. $200,000 early contract termination fee That'd get a bunch of idiots for cannon fodder.
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Dec 4, 2014 16:55
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LCL-Dead posted:One of the guys I'm walking with quickly knocks my hand down but not before the Captain could spin around, grab me by the shoulder and accuse me of being a misogynistic pig dog for saluting a female officer in hopes that she gets shot dead by insurgent forces. A guy in basic had a bunch of scribbles in his notebook, like what you do when you're trying to get a pen to start writing. One day he got pulled into the snake pit in the chow hall and one of the TIs said one of the scribbles was a swastika and he was a Jew, so he was very upset about that. It turned into some big deal where he had to go to the orderly room and try to convince everyone that a bunch of random scribbles wasn't really meant to be a swastika. He showed me what he did and it was one of those things where if you look really hard at a bunch of overlapping lines, you could find a hidden swastika that obviously wasn't a swastika unless that's what you really wanted to see.
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Jan 5, 2015 19:52
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Master Bateman posted:Being on a tiny PB may suck, but at least we had no females and could basically wear whatever when we were on base. Imagine the sexual harassment and rape charges filed against you when you fight on the front lines with women and your pants/underwear are blown off by an enemy grenade. This is the future of warfare tactics. Weapons that destroy clothing. Cole posted:Sandbags are pretty good at stopping rounds. The same could be said about women soldiers.
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Jan 6, 2015 17:14
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Genocide Tendency posted:From way back. Here's how to get laid in Air Force basic training during the mid-90s. Instead of working in the chow hall, my side job in basic was working at the mental health office. I'd sit in a room all day, watching TV and I could buy soda and snacks from the vending machine in the break room. When a basic trainee that had to take a mental health test or needed to see one of the doctors was done, another guy from my flight and I would have to walk them back to their squadron. One of these days was packed with trainees doing their tests, so it turned into my partner and I having to split up to get everyone back, and this went on until around 8 pm. So not only were we walking around Lackland solo but we were also missing our Lackland Lazers. It was late enough that nobody was really out. I just had some guy yell from his car a couple blocks away that I needed my Lazer. So to get laid, you need to be working at that office on a really busy day that extends into darkness, and then end up having to take one crazy girl back to her squadron without anyone else, because you dropped everyone else off in the group off along the way, and she has to be horny as hell. She was hitting on me the entire walk, in front of everyone else, saying poo poo like how she'd really like to sexually harass me. I'm sure there's other combinations but in my days of basic, it was more of a bunch of random unlikely things just falling into place. We also had a super religious dude in my flight that was really upset that girls would wear pants. He got kicked out for threatening our TI but I didn't get to escort him.
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Jan 13, 2015 17:18
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chitoryu12 posted:The secret to getting laid is -- get ready for this bitch -- finding a girl who wants to have sex with you. I heard in basic these days, she doesn't even have to be willing
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Jan 13, 2015 21:59
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ManMythLegend posted:A guy who blew his finger off with a shotgun was made gunnery officer on USS FIRST SHIP. You always learn more from your mistakes
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Jan 14, 2015 17:20
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USMC503 posted:That level of buddy fuckery is truly upholding the highest traditions of the United States Marine Corps. As a former AMMO troop, I thought this type of poo poo was the norm. The only difference was the unofficial rule of, if one of our guys turns inspector, they were supposed to give us 30 days to rehide the stuff they knew about. At the last shop I was at, a guy turned inspector, came out, and made a beeline for the hidden stuff. Then everyone else in the shop was crying about "30 days".
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Jan 15, 2015 17:59
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Casimir Radon posted:Oh and one of my coworkers isn't allowed to come to drill until he gets his wisdom teeth taken out. He was supposed to get this done months ago, part of the reason he didn't might be because he wasn't taking advantage of Tricare Dental, then the money he had set aside to have it done ended up being spent on a new used car after his 2006 car just stopped working. He didn't have a regular job and hasn't been allowed to do days up at the base because he displayed issues with showing up for a few years. Now he's doing an internship someplace a couple days a week. He finally got scheduled to have them removed but it's not until late March so he's not going to back drilling again till April. Who the gently caress should care if someone doesn't get their wisdom teeth taken out? That would be the Air Force. I was in a shop once that had nothing better to do that dumb poo poo like that. I got an LOC and had to take meet a money management counselor because what started off with my car blowing a head gasket ended up taking a few weeks before I got another car. It wasn't worth it to fix the car, since it was just a beater I picked up when I got back tot he states. So I went out to get a new one instead. The guy ran my credit report and at some point between then and a couple weeks ago when I got another credit report, the credit bureaus all decided to merge my credit report with another guy with the same name, that was at the same previous base with me, and came over to my new base around the same time as me. I went to the local social security office because my SSN was merged in with all of his dumb poo poo, like Blockbuster Video collections, and they had to investigate stuff for me and it doesn't happen overnight. It's been over a decade and that poo poo still creeps up from time to time. A couple weeks later I get a new car and then get in trouble. I didn't raise a stink since I had less than a year out. I went to the counselor and told her the story. She said, "That's it? You aren't having financial issues? I don't know why you're here." Went back to the shop from my appointment and told them she said it was stupid they sent me there since I had a valid reason for what happened and she was a civilian working on base, so she had some common sense.
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Feb 9, 2015 17:24
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Casimir Radon posted:Some people are retarded enough to let their teeth rot out of their head so some oversight is going to be necessary, I go to the dentist a couple times a year and poo poo like this doesn't happen to me. Besides he's been on notice about this for around a year. Though I do doubt the wisdom of the dental office at times. Another guy I work with didn't go to a civilian dentist for years because that would have cut into the amount of nerd poo poo he could buy. The dental office told him he was fine for years, then one day "HOLY poo poo YOU'VE GOT A GIGANTIC HOLE IN ONE OF YOUR MOLARS!". I went one time where I could tell the lady airman wasn't really into the job and didn't put much effort into the cleaning. I went another time where the staff sergeant came in at one point to clean a bit, shoved the pick way too deep into my gum so I started streaming blood and got to listen to her keep going on and on about how she doesn't understand why I was bleeding so much. I had 2 wisdom teeth yanked out in tech school and the I went the full IV route for the other 2 at my next base. The only thing I really remember with the IV is the crunching of teeth and the guy with his foot on the chair trying to yank them out.
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Feb 9, 2015 23:39
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Fart Sandwiches posted:I can't decide if having the same cake go nowhere job for 10+ years is a good or bad thing. Considering where she works, she is going to get an awesome retirement package from the government when she retires that in no way compares with the job she's held all these years.
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Feb 23, 2015 18:17
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go3 posted:Grover's got more confirmed kills than a laser equipped F-22 ever will You sure? The plane has turned on it's pilot and killed them at least one time.
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Mar 16, 2015 19:42
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Casimir Radon posted:This is some pure strain white trash we're dealing with here. In what world can a white 14 year old date a 20 year old and not be white trash?
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Mar 20, 2015 18:22
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Booblord Zagats posted:I told one of her calling pollsters "As a former Air Wing Marine, I know better than to put an Air Force Colonel in charge of anything less important than a coffee machine" and hung up Wouldn't it be knowing better than to put them in charge of anything more important than a coffee machine?
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Mar 23, 2015 16:34
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LunarShadow posted:Nope, it is true and loving hilarious. Was there a campaign ribbon for it?
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Apr 1, 2015 16:33
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chitoryu12 posted:Got sent something from the Facebook of a Florida National Guard guy. Did he buy wishes and hire people to turn him into a werewolf for one night off of ebay? People actually buy these things and a few years back they started to regulate it by making the seller sell a physical object with it, like an enchanted ring of 3 wishes, instead of "I'll cast the spell once payment is received". But seriously, people buy this stuff. Just look at the completed auctions that sold.
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Apr 2, 2015 16:16
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USMC503 posted:My mom is the idiot. She just went off on a tirade about vets receiving disability but are still able to do things like go on hikes (I mentioned shim and spongebob's AT hike). I had a co-worker tell me I wasn't a disabled vet when I told him I had one of the state disabled vet cards that lets me camp for free. Other than the monthly cash and the license plate, it's the only other benefit I have access to.
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Apr 6, 2015 16:51
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LeoMarr posted:i want that benefit Check your state. Not sure how many do it but Oregon does. It's cool to finish a work on a Friday and then go straight from there and spend the weekend crabbing/clamming/fishing and not have to pay for a campground. We only get one special plate in my state and it ended up going on our van, which my wife drives. She's been pulled over one time and they let her off with a warning, so maybe it helped. Dumb wives tale: Last year there was some dinosaur exhibit that came to town. They had animatronic stuff, displays, rides, the usual. A co-worker (former Army infantry) comes in one morning and tells us he had to explain to his wife that none of the dinosaurs in the commercial were actual alive, that they were either robots or puppets or poo poo like a moving head in a display. I, like any normal person, assumed he was exaggerating and being the typical rear end he can be. One month ago his wife gets a job in the same office. Today we're all in the break room and he talks some poo poo to me and I change the subject by asking her if she remembers the dinosaur exhibit that came to town a year ago. He starts laughing since he knows where I'm going and she turns beet red. Apparently he wasn't exaggerating a single thing. A lady in her 30s up until recently thought that dinos still roamed the earth. How? Schools weren't this bad when I was growing up? What the hell went wrong?
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Apr 8, 2015 04:41
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Stultus Maximus posted:Exactly this. Even a woman who can lift as much as or run as fast as a man won't have the musculoskeletal endurance. Women are more prone to stress fractures and joint problems when humping weight for long periods of time. No dude. You see women and men are exactly the same. You take your science "facts" out of here.
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Apr 9, 2015 16:16
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not caring here posted:The way I figure it the military will grind you up eventually, it's just a matter of when. I'm tired of the military. I'll just get preggo now.
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Apr 9, 2015 17:29
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DownByTheWooter posted:we can never let the taliban find out there are dangerous bomb-making materials inside of every mre heater I made a perfect one once after I got out, to show a friend (non-taliban). Cops showed up at the door about 10 minutes later. Disability and making mre bombs is all I got out of 4 years in the air force. edit: and people thanking me for my service on memorial day
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Mar 10, 2016 20:51
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Hillary Clintons Thong posted:People really think that they have some sort of constitutional right to serve in the military, and some reaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly freak out when you tell them that they cannot. We used to have parents/guardians bring in their loving autistic kids and leave them with us so they could talk about joining. That was always really hosed up and I never understood that. Some people think they can get everything around them changed just for them because they've been raised that way. Especially kids that went straight from high school to lib arts college, where it's another liberal hugfest and everyone is special and anyone that thinks otherwise is ignorant and needs training to better understand them. They don't get that the real world isn't tumblr. My office has about a half dozen "safe zones" and people put their preferred pronouns in their email sigs.
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Mar 12, 2016 20:51
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:i got a letter from the army saying i can't army anymore seal it back up and put "refused, return to sender" on the envelope and send it back
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Mar 13, 2016 02:05
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