RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

bitterandtwisted posted:

One of our clients got hit by cryptowall 3 via an email attachment on Friday and another got it today. Two others reported getting the same email after we sent out a warning about it. Email in question was "please find my resume attached'.
Hmm, this isn't a word file or pdf but this file called hugo.js sounds legit, I'll just double click on this even though I'm not even in HR oh no why are there Help_Decrypt files in every folder on the shared drives.

Naturally, the mail filter and managed anti-virus did absolutely nothing.

I've been trying to read the whole thread since formally moving to our company's IT team, but I wanted to skip to the end to post this:

An email came in

Big Wig posted:

Fri 13/03/2015 2:56 p.m.
Not sure if this is OK to open. Never heard of the guy. Looks a bit weird. I will delete.

quote:
My name is Linwood Tate, attached is my resume.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Thank you,
Linwood

An email goes out

Senior Tech posted:

Fri 13/03/2015 2:57 p.m.Yes delete it's a compressed file holding a virus.

Senior Tech and I have a quick conversation in which I say that something as obvious as javascript or scr in a zip file should not be making it through the mail system, the resolution of which is that I'll get on Exchange 365 and get some rules in place to make sure these sort of emails require manual approval from the IT team before users can possibly click something even in the case that they do make it past the multiple filters and anti-virus.

A ticket comes in

quote:

Created at 16/03/2015 11:33
Hi IT
There is a problem with Big Wig's Admin folder as I can�t seem to open the files. Can you have a look sometime?

Thanks
PA

If you guessed that the earliest Created On date of the many HELP_DECRYPT.TXT files Big Wig's computer created on our network shares was 13/03/2015 2:57pm :mad:

, congratulations. The only saving grace seems to be that he was logged in through Citrix and he ended his session before it made its way down the drive letters to our asset and project shares, so there was no "impact to business" other than the entire IT team being tied up restoring encrypted files for the rest of the day.

# ¿ Mar 17, 2015 23:43

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 14:08

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Wizard of the Deep posted:

You don't want to learn PowerShell because it can make your life a little easier now. You want to learn PowerShell because that's where Microsoft's going for managing infrastructure. The newer versions of Exchange use PowerShell underneath everything, even the GUI. You can even see what command it's going to run to do what you tell it to do in the GUI tools.

More importantly, in newer versions of Exchange a bunch of functionality is no longer accessible through the GUI and requires PowerShell.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2015 04:57

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

GreenNight posted:

At my job I'm lucky if HR tells me a person leaves within 2 weeks of that person leaving. I'm waiting for an ex employee to VPN and delete poo poo or send out nasty emails.

The only ways I find out is if a new hire needs me to remote into the workstation but it was assigned to someone else, or if someone suspects they stole something after leaving and I have to trawl through remote access logs to find out.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2015 04:45

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

KoRMaK posted:

I think we here in this thread should help you by getting creative about how to make the best use of his and your time. For instance, and I'm just brainstorming here so forgive me for any bad ideas, give him a usb printer to install to a machine that nobody is using and supply him with three USB cords. Only one of the cords is proven to work.

That avenue has already been explored

Laserface posted:

I want to help him, so I am testing his problem solving skills. I knew the Ethernet port on his laptop was dead - I wanted him to show me he could do the most basic of troubleshooting (check for static IP settings, reset the device, etc) he didnt even know how to do that!

# ¿ Apr 29, 2015 04:45

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

SlayVus posted:

At least it wasn't 3.5" floppies.

Please don't remind me of my time in the healthcare sector.

# ¿ May 4, 2015 11:58

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Microsoft audits are awful. We had one last year that decided we were somehow 200 licenses in arrears in a company of ~150 and we ended up sending them a spreadsheet of every single machine we have and its key, after which they started an extended argument about how a large chunk of our machines were registered to a key that wasn't part of our licensing agreement so we needed to buy an extra license for each of those machines, and no what do you mean your OEM ships them that way that's not possible.

# ¿ May 7, 2015 03:44

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

I get that at my work but thankfully the policy is that billable hours are billable hours even if they're written off by the project manager and not charged to the client. The write-offs affect the project manager's KPIs so they always try to skip over telling you the project number or try to convince you not to bill all your hours, but for some reason very few people are inclined to burn their own KPIs for the higher-ups' bonuses.

# ¿ May 18, 2015 22:37

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Sirotan posted:

Honestly, I feel a little bad for the bunny. He's in there in a small little cage, he knocked over his food bowl, and is just kinda trembling in the corner. I just tired to entice him with a couple blueberries from my lunch and he just sat there scared shitless. I hope his new home will be a little better than his old one.

Rabbits just don't travel very easily. He'll be fine.

Also, I highly advise against anybody thinking about a server room rabbit unless you really enjoy resolving user connectivity issues and power outages.

# ¿ May 29, 2015 00:39

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

A ticket came in

Project Manager posted:

Hi Ghostlight,

Can you confirm their turn-around time for the appraisal, and for the file recovery (if we proceed)?

If it is a day or two we will proceed, but if it is a week it is probably not worth it.

Thanks

After doing some digging it turns out that one of his guys has spent the last two-three weeks working from home putting 80 hours of work into a report that is due on Monday, but Word is saying it is corrupted.

The USB that he brought it in on is the master and only copy.
He wasn't keeping dated revisions as per standard procedure.
He never made a copy to the project folder on the network on the days he was in.
He didn't use his OneDrive, the Sharepoint site specifically for people working from home, or the project Sharepoint site.

:negative:

# ¿ Jun 9, 2015 06:00

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

baquerd posted:

*Quotes added*

Oh, I remember doing that almost two decades ago. One little hex edit and the whole "file" is corrupted. Darn you, IT! Clearly, I created a superior work product only to have it lost to the vagaries of chance!

The quotes are almost certainly accurate. The rest of his team has been bitching for the last four months about how terrible he is at his job, how little he shows up to work, and marvelling that he manages to stay employed at all when he's playing browser games at his desk and missing deadlines. Regardless we still have to waste our time and budget on attempting to recover it because it's not politic to just tell someone they're loving idiots who made their bed.

# ¿ Jun 9, 2015 10:11

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

You are only allowed to do the needful.

# ¿ Jun 16, 2015 01:29

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

BaseballPCHiker posted:

This %100. Is there anyone out there that actually still allows inbound .zip or .exe attachments? It's easier and more manageable to block all of them and then make an exception for the special snowflake in marketing who gets zip files of photos for some reason.

We don't since we got a cypto earlier in the year, but unfortunately ~80% of our incoming zip attachments are legit which makes it a huge pain in the rear end.

# ¿ Jun 16, 2015 23:08

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

larchesdanrew posted:

Election time is coming up, and we're waaaaaay too cheap to invest in actual election coverage software. Guess who has been tasked with figuring out a way for 20 users to simultaneously and constantly update data in a meticulously formatted .xls file? For the record, I have no idea how SQL and/or databases work. I am ashamed.

I had to do something similar for 4 users just last month as they constantly complained that editing it in the cloud was erasing their stuff, and I found the easiest way was to just give them their own personal .xls and add those as data sources in a master .xls that was used for the reporting and none of the users were allowed in.

e: it took them two weeks, on a weekly report, to gently caress it up because one of them decided that inserting rows below the named table and formatting it to look like the table would somehow magically make it part of the table.

# ¿ Jun 16, 2015 23:57

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

ilkhan posted:

And on a different note, whats with dell/MS not including OS license stickers on laptops anymore? I've got a batch of E7450s coming in, factory win7, without any key stickers to be able to non-VL wipe and reinstall on. They have a win8 pro logo sticker and nothing else. Not in the battery compartment, not underneath the access panel, not in the documentation, nowhere.

The days of key stickers are over - it's all embedded in the hardware now.

Just wipe it, install Windows 7 whatever, and it'll take care of activating itself.

# ¿ Jun 18, 2015 09:50

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

ilkhan posted:

And yet it doesn't. Which is why I mentioned it. Maybe I need a different source ISO.

Weird. I've been using a 7 ISO I downloaded from Microsoft sometime in 2013 and it does it all fine with the HP machines we use.

# ¿ Jun 19, 2015 00:25

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

In more boring ATCI... does anybody have any suggestions on how to go about testing the strength of user's passwords?

The company board is requesting we give a report on our "resilience to cyber-attacks" after the chairman of the board almost took the company down with cryptowall, and I'm hoping to use the occasion to lobby for better password practices as almost all of our users have awful ones. It would help if I could demonstrate objectively how awful they are as I figure if they're going to shoot themselves in the foot blaming us then I want to load the gun with buckshot.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2015 04:49

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Well, I know they're atrocious because I do ask for passwords and a) 80% of users give it to me without even questioning why, b) the same rough percentage are just a single word with a number - a good portion are just the default password we make accounts with but with a number at the end to meet complexity requirements. I was looking more at harvesting a 'seconds-to-brute-force' sort of metric to put into the sort of graph that board members understand.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2015 05:14

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

gently caress, I could just send that website to everyone and lock the account of anyone who types their password into a website that explicitly tells them it could steal it.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2015 08:22

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Gilok posted:

"I'm sorry, Arunakrishnan takes too long to type. Your name is Toby now"

I found out the other week that our CEO for the Shanghai branch literally does this to his employees.

# ¿ Jul 10, 2015 08:08

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

"Don't cost us our cushy jobs you idiot"

# ¿ Jul 13, 2015 03:06

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Vague tickets you reckon?

quote:

could you please look at print setiing ?

# ¿ Jul 15, 2015 06:39

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Does anybody know if there's a flag in Exchange Online to run a rule against messages which aren't classified as Spam?

There's one for setting the SCL above which the rule will trigger, but not one below which it will trigger - so I get a whole bunch of false notifications from quarantined emails.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2015 22:39

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

The most mundane ticket came in:

Hi [Ghostlight]
I see you have uploaded the awards to the china website

# ¿ Aug 5, 2015 00:29

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

I don't really get how people get confused by changes between operating systems since Windows 7. If you already know how to do something in Windows 7, 8, or 10, you know how to do it in the others - hit the windows key and start typing. I literally have no idea how to get to the control panel the "correct" way in Windows 10*, but it doesn't matter. Hit the windows key or click on the start menu, type 'control panel', and what do you know, there it is.

Your second mistake was thinking that general users know that you CAN hit Windows and type to find programs. Your first was thinking that general users know what the Windows key, Start menu, or Control Panel are, and furthermore where has My Computer gone, and it keeps launching File Explorer when I want Windows Explorer!?

# ¿ Aug 10, 2015 23:36

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

A ticket came in

quote:

______!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!______________
What happened to your files ?
All of your files were protected by a strong encryption with RSA-2048 using CryptoWall 3.0.
More information about the encryption keys using RSA-2048 can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RSA_(cryptosystem)

What does this mean ?
This means that the structure and data within your files have been irrevocably changed, you will not be able to work with them, read them or see them,
it is the same thing as losing them forever, but with our help, you can restore them.

How did this happen ?
Especially for you, on our server was generated the secret key pair RSA-2048 - public and private.
All your files were encrypted with the public key, which has been transferred to your computer via the Internet.
Decrypting of your files is only possible with the help of the private key and decrypt program, which is on our secret server.

What do I do ?
Alas, if you do not take the necessary measures for the specified time then the conditions for obtaining the private key will be changed.
If you really value your data, then we suggest you do not waste valuable time searching for other solutions because they do not exist.

On the plus side, the user went "oh wow, this doesn't look right" when all their desktop files started getting .aaa extensions and came straight to IT instead of ignoring it for three days like the last guy, but he said he got it from a flashing UAC icon in his taskbar that said Windows needed updating that wouldn't go away until he clicked the Yes button, so it's probably not going to be the last time regardless of anything we do.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2015 01:45

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

So we finally sold to management and completed pulling local admin rights from the 250+ computers we have deployed after having two crypto scares.

Time to relax with a beer and a joke.

So a USB of pirated movies walks into a laptop that had been redeployed without documentation or a virus protection agent... :negative:

# ¿ Aug 19, 2015 23:21

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Dillbag posted:

If you think shower beer is amazing just wait until you have a poo poo smoke.

Alternatively, a poo poo coffee if you're not a filthy nicotine addict.

Whenever I'm in the States I find it impossible to find anything but poo poo coffee.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2015 05:06

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

The client says Skype for Business, but it's still Lync 2013 on the server!

MJP posted:

Anyway, e/n over. Anyone have pointers for someone who hasn't touched unified communications before on how to handle a Lync 2013 Enterprise deployment involving UC, presence, and IM?

Are you talking about tips for handling the actual deployment or tips for handling a deployment of it?

We run a on-premises Lync server connected to Office Online and so far the hardest part of keeping it working has been remembering to run a powershell command on the Lync server after enabling Unified Messaging in Exchange Online.

# ¿ Aug 30, 2015 00:33

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Just zip the files.

# ¿ Sep 11, 2015 05:47

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Mine says "IT Daemon" but I feel the clock is ticking on that as corporate has been trumpeting a signature overhaul for the entire company the last couple of months.

As long as they never crack down on my computer/rap puns in my Lync status.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2015 10:52

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

We've had an increasing amount of novelty ways of delivering the same spam in the last two weeks, but by far my favourite so far is the "PayPal Update" email.

It's the same regular "your account is restricted! Click here to give us your password!" email you'll all be familiar with, but instead now the email has a completely empty body because it's attached as an HTML file to get around content filters. That's not all though, because I opened it in notepad to see if it had any elaborate js/flash vulnerability poo poo going on (it doesn't, it's just the standard phish with new paint) and this beautiful anachronism is in the code:

code:

<!-- 
  ______   ______    _______   _______  _______     .______   ____    ____         ___      .__   __.   ______   .__   __.  __       _______..___  ___.      ___      
 /      | /  __  \  |       \ |   ____||       \    |   _  \  \   \  /   /        /   \     |  \ |  |  /  __  \  |  \ |  | |  |     /       ||   \/   |     /   \     
|  ,----'|  |  |  | |  .--.  ||  |__   |  .--.  |   |  |_)  |  \   \/   /        /  ^  \    |   \|  | |  |  |  | |   \|  | |  |    |   (----`|  \  /  |    /  ^  \    
|  |     |  |  |  | |  |  |  ||   __|  |  |  |  |   |   _  <    \_    _/        /  /_\  \   |  . `  | |  |  |  | |  . `  | |  |     \   \    |  |\/|  |   /  /_\  \   
|  `----.|  `--'  | |  '--'  ||  |____ |  '--'  |   |  |_)  |     |  |         /  _____  \  |  |\   | |  `--'  | |  |\   | |  | .----)   |   |  |  |  |  /  _____  \  
 \______| \______/  |_______/ |_______||_______/    |______/      |__|        /__/     \__\ |__| \__|  \______/  |__| \__| |__| |_______/    |__|  |__| /__/     \__\ 
 
 -->

I was half disappointed there wasn't a MIDI embed.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2015 23:40

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

# ¿ Sep 25, 2015 11:33

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Pictured: typical mug user.

# ¿ Sep 25, 2015 12:33

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

We rolled out three new printers today at work :toot:

It was 15 minutes before a designer complained they weren't consulted over the printer names, and by the end of the day there was a rumour that one of them had started a petition to get us to run a naming competition for them.

I'd requested tomorrow off several weeks ago because I'm going to Australia for the weekend, but when I get back on Monday there will be another seven new printers in three other office locations and I'll be in charge of technical support for all of them. :smithcloud:

# ¿ Oct 1, 2015 07:31

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

On the topic of email; our problem office has started making painful bleating sounds about getting a trial for Oasys Mail Manager set up because they feel like the current email archiving process is too tiresome for them.

Does anybody have any familiarity with it?

I mean, these guys are such a pain in the rear end they're going to end up buying it regardless of the outcome, but at least I can try to be prepared for the degree of south it will take us.

# ¿ Oct 7, 2015 21:26

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

At my last job, I worked in IP law, and one of the clients we had for trade-mark stuff was the COMPLETELY NOT WORK SAFE http://www.fleshjack.com/. Getting asked to unblock that page by a 60 year old woman was the funniest thing in the whole entire world.

I had somewhat the reverse, where we would often have sheepish interns coming up to ask if we could please let them access https://big.dk, falling over themselves to emphasise that it was not porn. Unfortunately it's since been globally unblocked.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2015 01:59

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

If the network was down... how did he expect the email to be sent?

I'M SENDING AN EMAIL BECAUSE I CANT ACCESS FILES WY WOULD THAT EFFECT THE NETWORK??? PS: FACEBOOK IS DOWN

# ¿ Oct 16, 2015 03:52

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

ConfusedUs posted:

It would be a hell of an adventure.

There's also cheap booze.

# ¿ Oct 17, 2015 09:08

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Please be respectful on these forums

Ghostlight fucked around with this message at 06:44 on Oct 19, 2015

# ¿ Oct 19, 2015 06:41

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# ¿ May 17, 2024 14:08

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Crowley posted:

The "tapes in the back of a station wagon hurtling down the freeway" still holds. LTE tapes hold a poo poo-ton of data, and you can fit a lot into the trunk of a Volvo V70.

When I worked in the health sector we would have doctors taxi 3.5" floppies to us. It's almost the same thing.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2015 22:48

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > RE: A ticket came in: Did they take the printer into the shitters with them?

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