Ladies Chatting Thread: buncha stank witches in here *waves broom in front of face*

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Ladies Chatting Thread: buncha stank witches in here *waves broom in front of face*

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Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

please help I cannot talk to women without feeling intense inexplicable fear.

But only when I wanna bang said women.

Maybe a woman could explain the purpose of the fear aura?? Is it a defense mechanism??

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:08

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 23:42

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

dogsupremacy posted:

ok but while am at it is it possible to wax your butthole i can't really see back there but it feels hairy

don't wax your butthole.

Butthair provides valuable friction that stops your rear end becoming a sweaty poopy loving mess every time the weather is hot.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:09

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

dogsupremacy posted:

thanks friend what about the thick fur coat on my chest and stomach

Wax the poo poo out of it.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:10

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

whoflungpoop posted:

Yes please, those are concentrated areas for sweat and heat, and a growth of hair within greatly multiplies the available surface area for bacteria to breed on

(math explanation for the gentlemen cause that's yall's thing right)

We're not asian you fucker idiot.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:11

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

dogsupremacy posted:

status report my room mates girlfriend does have the wax in his bathroom he thinks but we gotta find it in the hoard of poo poo women keep in the bathroom and he will do it for me cuse im a big baby

oh and should I wax my hairy arms and legs???

Wax yourself down to the loving bone all over like a wax paper mummy

Except your butthole.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:16

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

When women try to scare me off with woman pain talk I just listen intently :allears:

Also I breath heavily and don't add anything to the conversation.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:36

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Pick posted:

I think it's weird that men sexualize sleepovers

honestly we mostly talked about how to get beer without our parents finding out

It's because as little boys we all used to suck each other off ferociously at sleepovers.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:39

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

realtalk do chicks have good friends? Do chicks experience bromance?

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:41

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Espy posted:

We aren't people and all fight each other for the attention of alpha male, don't you know ???

this is no mystery

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:45

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Atasnaya Vaflja posted:

nah, we're just getting close and waiting for a chance to strike down our rivals when they least expect it so we can stand atop their corpses in our cutest pumps? it's kind of hardcore, really.

This is way cooler than all the boring answers.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:47

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Espy posted:

do this to the head of their dick

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:51

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Obligatory Toast posted:

loving don't tell them that poo poo. they don't need to know about the impending gynocracy.

I ask the hard hitting questions

Espy posted:

You're smiling but friction and a dry dick will make you cry too

I keep my dick moist at all times in case of just such an occasion.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:53

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Cuckoo posted:

Oh it's also fun when they try to jam in fingers and just kind of wiggle them around like a parasite

What kind of creature should we wiggle them around like.

You must answer in terms of animals or I will get confused and bellow like a whale.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:54

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

gently caress women.

I'm going gay it is way simpler and less demanding.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 04:57

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

OMGVBFLOL posted:

right? how many straight dudes you know get their dick sucked in an alley on the way to the grocery store???

e: without having to pay for it

My sir you are looking attractive!

You too my god sir!

Would you care to hump my rump?

I would very much like that!

UURRGH

UURGH

Ngloffoo *spooge*

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 05:01

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Real-talk, women dressed as Nazi's give me a boner.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 05:05

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

OMGVBFLOL posted:

dressed as nazi's what

A nazi's pet jew about to be turned into a lampshade.

dohohoho history is fun.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 05:08

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Prettz posted:

durrrr it was Ed Gein that made the lampshades from womens' skin. he was all-american.

bet you some monies nazis did it too.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2013 05:11

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Pick posted:

i wonder what it's like to be a social magikarp

I am a social Gyarados.

I spelled that from memory because I am secretly still a manboy.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 17:10

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Dolphin posted:

Protip: Every time your girlfriend leaves her bras lying around on the floor, wear them on your head. She'll either stop doing it or move out. In my case I just gut punched in the neck but it might work for you.

gutpunched in the neck sounds like the worst thing.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 17:10

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Dolphin posted:

Ten ways to annoy your boyfriend:

1. Never bother to clean up tampon and pad wrappers
2. Leave the bathroom garbage lid open all the time
3. Use his razor, leave it in the bathtub
4. Leave your clothing covering the floor in the bedroom
5. Leave your clothing covering the floor in the bedroom
6. Leave your clothing covering the floor in the living room
7. Leave ruined underwear at the top of the kitchen garbage
8. Don't ever clean hair out of bathtub, his job.
9. Lie spread eagle in bed, tightly wrap all the blankets around your midsection
10. Leave every pair of shoes by the front door

Bonus: Bobby pins should be distributed evenly throughout the house so they're always readily available

haha yeah I have a girlfriend too!

...

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 17:26

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Fruity Gordo posted:

for all the loving weirdo men who lurk and post in this thread who are afraid of things that bleed and don't die, here is a tragic and cruel story for all of you to feel bad about :

my stepmother was an unmedicated psychotic manic depressive when i was a preteen, and whenever i went to my court-appointed visits to stay at my dad's house for the weekend and was on my period i had to wrap up my used pads or tampons in toilet paper, go to her, unwrap them and show how much i had bled, and ask for a plastic bag to put it in, and then take it out to the bin outside immediately, because menstrual blood was loving disgusting

basically what i'm saying is that your jokes are loving hilarious, you morons

a/s/l, you sound hot.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 17:36

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

that was a test and you failed

At least I still have my animes.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 17:38

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

VanSandman posted:

*Snikt*

You take that back bub.

I knew exactly what *Snikt* meant without the rest of the post.

Time to loving kill myself.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 17:50

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Women's Rights? posted:

guys won't gently caress ugly girls: just maintaining high standards man
girls won't gently caress ugly guys: loving shallow bitches, NICE GUY FRIENDZONE LADDERS

What's this ladders bit?

Sorry it's just whenever I enter the MRA thread its to poo poo all over MRAs not actually to read what they're saying.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 18:13

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Fruity Gordo posted:

same SAME. SAAAMMEEE.

my friends and i play this game where we sit in the front windows of pubs and cafes and have to choose a life partner out of the first three people who walk by. after a while you stop looking at people's bodies and look at their faces, and you notice how kind some people's faces are though they're not classically beautiful. kind faces are the best faces

This is funny because in public I look like I perpetually wanna kill everybody who walks in front of me when I'm not thinking about how I look.

I got the male version of bitchy resting face.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 18:43

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

It's right to assume an ugly dude will have less self confidence though.

It's not always correct but it is a good indicator.

I know because I am an ugly fucker.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 19:04

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Dolphin posted:

lolmg no i thought maybe you talked to your lmaopartners about how needy people are the worstmg! i agree with you that cuddles are awesome and hoped that you would post more relationship details because your posting is sooo interestinglmao

Women don't shitpost like this.

I'm on to you.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 19:27

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Espy posted:

You had a chance to call yourself an ugly Motherfucker and you blew it.

I thought it'd be funny to be named motherfucker for about five posts.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 19:28

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Pick posted:

once I got my rear end slapped by a professor from another university and I am not proud to say I just froze up because what the hell do you do under those circumstances??

Sue for every dime.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2013 19:32

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Brinner posted:

buying sex toys with the girlfriend, any recommendations?

Buy a strap-on for her molded from your own dong so you can experience it first hand.

# ¿ Nov 29, 2013 08:59

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

bonus points if you shave your balls and glue the hair to the strapon's floppy silicone nutsack for that authentic hairy balls feeling.

Motherfucker fucked around with this message at 09:31 on Nov 29, 2013

# ¿ Nov 29, 2013 09:26

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Pochoclo posted:

Buenos Aires
Seriously everyone is drat angry all the time and no one really talks to strangers, it's unthinkable

gently caress off.

shut Up

fucker idiot.

# ¿ Nov 30, 2013 02:07

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

If you had to eat a dog what species would it be?

This is an important girl only question.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2013 08:34

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Crow Jane posted:

I am quite charming, if that's what you mean

oh my god you're so loving charming holy poo poo.

# ¿ Dec 5, 2013 04:49

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Is this like the wizards thread for pretending to be ladies?

Are we all just men talking about innane poo poo and pretending to be ladies?

I am confused because of my autisms.

# ¿ Dec 7, 2013 05:01

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

I'm sorry ladies but these guys are the sexiest disney anything.

# ¿ Dec 7, 2013 10:14

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

I am eating a chicken half-ceaser.... That is to say it is only about 50% salad.

# ¿ Dec 7, 2013 12:25

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Pick posted:

universities have the worst therapists, swear to god

But the Rapists are the best.

I maek rape joke lol

*brofist*

I'm sorry I just got back from posting in E/N and am just blasting the last of the poo poo out of my posting orifice.

# ¿ Dec 8, 2013 19:44

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 23:42

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Pick posted:

I remember after one very, very necessary breakup I was like "welp I am kinda lonely now" and she was like "well apologize and try to reconnect" and I was like dumb idiot weren't you even listening to why we broke up in the first place??

Ironic therapists only tell you the exact opposite of good advice.

# ¿ Dec 8, 2013 19:50

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Ladies Chatting Thread: buncha stank witches in here *waves broom in front of face*

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