Sex Questions Megathread: I got herpes from my grandma

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Sex Questions Megathread: I got herpes from my grandma

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Pinball posted:

Why are there all these racist videos about hung black guys having sex with white girls? It'd be fine if it was merely interracial sex, but they all seem to have this really weird cast of 'look how dirty she is, she's loving a black guy.'

Affirmative action. Best not to ask questions.

# ¿ Mar 28, 2014 16:56

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 00:45

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Pinball posted:

There's musical porn? What the gently caress.

Doo d'loo doo doo doo de
Doo d'loo doo doo de doo
I'm cummin' in Lorraine, just cummin' in Lorraine
What a glorious feelin', I'm horny again!

# ¿ Mar 29, 2014 21:31

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Kimmalah posted:

Dollar stores or places like Walmart are good places to get brand new towels for really cheap (especially if you're getting them for the express purpose of catching body fluids).

Welp, that explains Black Friday.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2014 22:59

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Gladstone posted:

My girlfriend has vaginismus, so we're going to see a sex therapist next week and figure out how to eventually solve the problem. I'm pretty certain the cause of it is due to childhood trauma, but I was thinking of getting her a vaginismus kit as well.

Does anyone with experience with vaginsmus have any advice on how to overcome it?

Obviously talk to a doctor, but in lieu of the vag kit you can treat it more like doing anal, with lots of spitting, slapping, etc.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2014 16:04

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

angry climber posted:

I have a kink related question. Since this is not the thread for it, is there a thread for that?

Thanks.

Nobody wants to hear about your kink, especially not after you abandoned your TFLC log.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2014 23:23

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Please work out.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2014 23:23

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

hoobajoo posted:

How much porn do you watch? It's a not-uncommon issue that one can have trouble keeping an erection or cumming during sex if they consume a lot of porn, since the visual stimulation isn't there. If you watch it every time you yank it, the good news is, you just need to not watch porn for a week or two, and your brain will recalibrate what stimuli lead to orgasm.

Alternately, surround your bed with mirrors.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2014 17:57

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

The Dark Wind posted:

What cardio exercises help the most for sexual stamina and endurance? I've been working on my planks and doing a lot of rowing lately, but I'm wondering if any of you guys have found any specific aerobic activities that utilize similar muscles required for sex? So far kettlebell swings seem to be the most appropriate, but unless you're using a lighter weight I'm guessing that verges more into anaerobic territory.

I've never had a premature orgasm during kettlebell swings, so yeah that should work just fine, buddy.

# ¿ May 1, 2014 13:31

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Please ~~rub~~ work out.

# ¿ May 7, 2014 20:21

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

loki k zen posted:

Mostly I used it cause I can't think of a better word for 'occasion in which sex things are done up to and including what most people categorize as loving but also other stuff, or just the other stuff, whatever floats your boat' and didn't wanna start another derail on what counts as 'sex'.

Any ideas for a simple word for the above concept?

Bring back "canoodling."

# ¿ May 9, 2014 01:54

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

loki k zen posted:

If you are calculating your 'number' (because you are drunk or fifteen or something) how does one count people you've played with but not hosed?

You stop counting because you're not 17 anymore.

# ¿ May 10, 2014 23:32

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

TrueChaos posted:

So uh... Honest question, anyone have tips for lasting longer? We've recently stopped using condoms (IUD + both tested clean) and it seems to have killed my stamina. We only see each other a few times a week, and while I'm usually good to go again in 20 minutes or so (and have no problem with stamina then) it's frustrating and embarrassing to be done in under a minute. Lots of foreplay involved, and just because I finish doesn't mean things stop for her which helps with the embarrassment bit as she's still getting off.

Now that I think about it maybe I should just be masturbating more? Frequency has certainly dropped off as sex is so much better., and now that I think about it that probably played a part. Still, any tips would be appreciated.

Think about baseball. DO NOT THINK ABOUT MIKE TROUT.

# ¿ May 15, 2014 21:02

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

SALT CURES HAM posted:

So I realize this is pretty much the best problem I could possibly have, but I've been seeing someone lately and, well, holy poo poo the sexts they send me are graphic.

I really don't want to say this is a bad thing, because it's awesome, but I'm not even a little bit used to this and it makes me feel like I'm not really up to par (because frankly I'm not super imaginative in this department). They insist that I'm fine, but they're also head over loving heels for me so I feel like it might be a little more of an issue than they're letting on. Is there any way to get better at this other than practicing?

(I'm not trying to be vague or anything by using gender-neutral pronouns, they're just DFAB agendered and prefer them/they/their.)

Either send xir pictures of xour dick or don't you nerd.

# ¿ May 20, 2014 04:51

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

hoobajoo posted:

Double post I know, but gently caress it.

I'm going to buy a cock ring later today, is there anything I should know before I do? They seem pretty straightforward, and I'm not getting it for any dong-problems, just for fun and looks, but I dunno. Any experience or weird pitfalls?

Get one that has a separate little loop for your balls so they will tense up and smack against her taint like you're playing drums going boom boom buh-doom boom boom boom.

# ¿ May 28, 2014 23:10

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Triticum Guzzler posted:

This seems like the thread that would know, is there any reason Bad Boys II is so hard to find on Blu-Ray? Did it ever even get released?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7N0do2LWbkc

# ¿ Jun 5, 2014 21:52

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

John Lee posted:

Alright, I had trouble deciding whether this should go in this thread or E/N, but I decided to go with here, since it's an entirely sexual problem:

I'm a penishaver, and my partner is one of those types of people with a vagina. When we're having PIV sex, though, she always rubs her clitoris while we're doing it. I heard from a friend of mine that this was common among girls he had been with, but I've had extended sexual relationships with a number of other women, and none of them did this. It makes me feel entirely removed from the proceedings at hand; essentially, it doesn't matter what I'm doing down there, because she'll just masturbate no matter what, which in turn makes me feel entirely surplus to requirements.

I made a helpful chart here:

(Yes, sex shouldn't be entirely orgasm-based and all, but it's a good measure of if you find something sexy, and she reports that sex without the touching is unsatisfactory)

As you can see, the DICK column appears to have no correlation with the ORGASMS results. For her part, she claims that she enjoys PIV, but she enjoys a lot of other things, too. I enjoy all kinds of things that don't give me sexual pleasure, and I'm lost as to how to feel about this. Any protips to get my head on straight?

You can stop caring so much about your stupid worthless penis and be happy that your girlfriend is enjoying herself, dumbass.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2014 05:56

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

DandyLion posted:

Anyone else have problems enjoying themselves when it seems their partner isn't? I can't fathom (in the case of fellatio for example) how so many guys can take such regular enjoyment out of an act that for the most part is directly unpleasant or 'work' for the giver (in the sense that a dick in a mouth doesn't do anything for the persons mouth, per se). I can take as given that there are probably individuals out there that do in fact enjoy it, but based on my aggregate experiences as well as polled information from my immediate network of friends, it seems that's the norm for most (within varying degrees).

It would seem some degree of disconnect is required to overcome any nagging empathetic response lest you be destined to suffer at the whim of your partners tastes. Aside from domination fantasies or power play where the individual is directly getting off on accomplishing an act that their partner might not be deriving immediate pleasure from, is it rare for people to be affected by whether or not their partner sincerely enjoys (rather than accommodates) whats occurring?

Just enjoy the blowjob you loving idiot.

# ¿ Nov 3, 2014 23:14

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Quift posted:

In my experience vagina taste is related to the ph value. To sour or not sour enough tends to make the taste off putting. So switching soaps, bacterial infections, yeast etc all have an impact.

Most often switching from regular soap to milder special soaps does wonders.

But a vagina haver might be better suited to answer this.

So do you wipe down every pussy you eat with litmus paper or what?

# ¿ Nov 4, 2014 21:00

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

SammyWhereAreYou posted:

I would say something like "babe, I've noticed since you've gotten the IUD*, you taste different. Do you think it's doing something to your ph levels or something? Do you think you should ask the doctor about it to make sure everything's okay?"

Maybe add something about how you'd love to go down on her more often but the IUD* seems to be having some weird effect.

*even if it's not true that it started with the IUD, framing it that way will place the blame on something outside of her control rather than it sounding like you're questioning her hygiene.

It's not an easy subject to broach and her feelings will probably be hurt a little either way, but I would rather know than not know if it were me - particularly if that's why I wasn't getting as much oral sex these days.

"Hey honey, do you ever think about your vaginal ph levels?"
"Yes, all the time."

# ¿ Nov 5, 2014 19:32

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

EB Nulshit posted:

Seriously? How does that work?

You put your dick in her.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2014 19:23

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Y'all are hella overthinking the act of meeting somebody and then having sex with them.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2014 23:29

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

There's a bra thread in YLLS with tips for proper bra sizing. The tl;dr is that bra sizing at places like Victoria's Secret is wrong for many women, probably because it's easier for the company to lazily size everybody into a 34B-to-38D range than to stock a line of 28E or whatever. A quality lingerie store or a good department store like Nordstrom will usually size bras more accurately than Victoria Secret. Victoria Secret and cheap department stores had my girlfriend wearing 36B for years, but we remeasured her at home using that thread's advice and it turned out she needed 32D or 30E (depending on brand/style/etc.) and she's much happier with the fit and support.

Since this is the sex thread, I will add that if titties are in a properly fitting bra they will look sexier, so that's one thing you can do to ward off the day that you come into this thread worried that your girlfriend doesn't get you horny enough, and are advised to put it in her butt. Peace.

# ¿ Dec 1, 2014 21:20

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Chakan posted:

I want to tie my SO up and I'm looking for tips/guides whatever. Can folks share from their experiences or provide links?

Chicks dig the Ian knot because it shows them you have talented fingers :quagmire:

# ¿ Dec 2, 2014 04:49

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Galick posted:

So, dunno if this is the proper thread or no, but my partner is asexual. I'm entirely fine with it, but I was wondering if anyone knows of a way to get that emotional bond from sex without, y'know, the sex? Or something similar/close?

Toejam & Earl co-op always does it for me.

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 08:05

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

neongrey posted:

But all the fighting over who has to play Earl...

Earl has cool sunglasses and cool shoes and shakes his fat rear end to the hula chick like it's just something to do. Earl owns.

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 15:51

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

The American Dream posted:

Is there a finite amount of ejaculate?

I just skimmed through the Wikipedia article on conservation of mass and did not see an exception about chicks squirting.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2014 00:19

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Captain Log posted:

Hey goon friends,

I recently started seeing this woman who is awesome, but we ran in to a bit of an odd situation. While I'm about five years older than her, she has a kid and I assumed her previous sexual experiences weren't absolute poo poo.

Wrong.

So now I'm coming to the internet for advice. But I love the forums and think some good people are on here. I'm thinking about getting her a vibrator and maybe a book about enjoying sex? She obviously knows how things work (has a kid) but is just so inexperienced I don't want to gently caress anything up. I adore her and think the world of her and don't give a flaming poo poo about getting off in this situation. I just want to see about making this lady happy and maybe we could have some fun? It's bizarre territory so any advice is appreciated.

(It really sounds like the men in her past were from the "hump hump hump jizz sleep make me a sanwich" school of thought. It disgusts me that she could get this far in life without an orgasm or any pleasure.)

When I've been with inexperienced women, instead of handing them a book explaining how their vagina works, I've just hosed them a bunch until they were no longer inexperienced. Good luck.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2014 09:34

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Captain Log posted:

I really appreciate the advice and hope it keeps coming. It's a weird situation to get in bed with someone and find out they have been treated like an object their whole life and they have no concept of an orgasm. If she wants to explore things with me, we can do that. I just want to tread lightly when dealing with such a unique situation.

I also want to go beat the hell out of her previous men. I need the world to exist in a Wild West movie moment where I can just walk up to a dude and slap him for being the piece of poo poo.

How about instead of being a weird little creepy fucker who looks at a woman he just met and acts like she is a helpless flower that he must protect to the point of wanting to assault other people and read her books about the ways of proper sex because alas she knows not the true meaning of penetration, you first try having sex with her and being good at it?

# ¿ Dec 13, 2014 16:40

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Captain Log posted:

Without sounding sexist or anything, my ex was really God damned hot in every sense of the word.

You are forgiven for finding your girlfriend attractive.

# ¿ Dec 23, 2014 13:58

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

bobula posted:

My boyfriend told me recently that he wishes I could give him amazing orgasm-inducing bjs. I have gotten him off plenty of times with my mouth, but I think it's usually through persistence and not actually feeling amazing. He says what I do feels good but there's a different set of moves to make him come and he doesn't know how to describe the right things to do, which isn't a whole lot of help. I tried looking it up but it seems to be a "learn what he likes" kind of situation. :|

You can thank me later.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2015 20:06

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Spuds MacKenzie posted:

Anyone here have experience with a MMF threesome? How was it? Any tips or things to look out for?

High-five when you change positions, and it's not gay if the balls don't touch.

# ¿ Jan 29, 2015 09:39

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Some people are loving dumb.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2015 08:53

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

EB Nulshit posted:

So. I got a UTI apparently and my doctor sent my urine sample out to be tested. I noticed the paper she wrote said it would be tested for chlamydia (I haven't actually had sex in a really long time), among other things? Does that mean it's a full STI test or should I still "get tested" (not because I'm worried about anything, but because I think I read that's what responsible sex-havers do?) at some point before I bang anyone again?

Talk to your doctor again, but this time actually talk to her.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2015 07:53

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

EB Nulshit posted:

It's embarrassing to ask that in person? Here I'm anonymous.

Your doctor has dealt with people's chunky vomit and bloody poop and pus-leaking sores and torn labia and whatever else. While you feel embarrassed about asking, "are you testing me for all common STD's, or just chlamydia?", she won't even blink before she answers (accurately) because it'll be #175 on the list of interesting questions she's heard that week.

Or you can ask SA, where there's a 99% chance that any answer you get is either a random guess from somebody with no medical experience, or just was googled, especially if you're asking outside of TGD. And besides, how do you expect anybody here to know what your piss is being analyzed for?

# ¿ Feb 28, 2015 22:11

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Tequila Sunrise posted:

She's on birth control (the arm bar type)

Are you dating Ronda Rousey?

# ¿ Apr 18, 2015 21:40

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Stop overthinking sex, you stupid assholes.

# ¿ Apr 26, 2015 19:58

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Anne Whateley posted:

e: beaten real bad

See thread title.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2015 19:27

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Getting deep in your cum-guzzling fuckhole, suckling my chute digger with pussy sauce, I'm gonna spew man yogurt all over your gently caress udders, take it cuntwhacker.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2015 06:34

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

Just take the goddamn compliment about your goddamn junk you goddamn goons.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2015 08:45

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 00:45

Shine: Feb 26, 2007; No Muscles For The Majority

John Lee posted:

*snip*

I'll edit it out since you just did, but to answer your question, it is okay to become very sexually aroused. I hate you all.

# ¿ Sep 17, 2015 03:01

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