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Picnic Princess posted:I prefer not swapping spit and drinking the blood of the infected, personally. Enjoy your weak, untested immune system, maggot! I'll just be swimming in raw sewage, you know, to cool off while the supervirus turns your organs into liquid poo poo.  #georgecarlin
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Oct 19, 2014 17:47
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Stop amphibishaming, cis-mammal scum.
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Oct 21, 2014 03:41
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Nastyman posted:It's actually made of chicken. Sacrifice it to Baron Samedi and gain ultimate voodoo power! #lifehex #vodoun #friendsontheotherside
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Oct 22, 2014 16:21
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Shwqa posted:#lifehack put a lemon in a glass of water that part above water is the top. #lifehack Put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together.
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Oct 29, 2014 01:44
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Lifehack: Inspector Zenigata unironically owns.
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Oct 31, 2014 16:59
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I use a generic number for my ZIP code and I have all my mail and my packages delivered to an unnamed warehouse in the middle of nowhere, and I drive out there once a week when I go to buy supplies for my underground bunker. Soon my plans will come to fruition and I will be the sole ruler of a charred and ruined world. #supervillainhacks
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Nov 6, 2014 18:50
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Non Serviam posted:Shut up about your loving zip codes. I prefer the boxes upon boxes of empty pickle jars I keep in my subterranean stronghold. I cannot let my valuable fecal samples find their way into the hands of my many, many enemies. #poophacks
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Nov 7, 2014 05:12
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DemeaninDemon posted:Avoid pregnancy by sticking your dick in the hole poop comes out of. If you have a dick you can't get pregnant though???
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Nov 8, 2014 03:08
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Hot dogs are best eaten raw on a piece of crumbly stale bread with tap water to wash it down. Or so I've convinced myself. 
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Nov 9, 2014 15:46
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Gerty posted:ooooohhhh yeeeaaaahhhhhh throw some bacon in there too dude! if you have bacon why would you eat a hot dog why hot dogs are the worst meat
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Nov 9, 2014 16:37
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Croccers posted:Effort... a-and lifehacks.. that result in actually making it better? Lifehack: Burn it all. Burn everything. Burn your house, your clothes, your family. Burn the earth. Let chaos reign.
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Nov 9, 2014 16:43
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 EVERYTHING MUST BURN.
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Nov 10, 2014 00:42
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Tiggum posted:I guess you've never heard of spam, then? I said meat.
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Nov 10, 2014 17:48
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cobalt impurity posted:What, I have to have the pod and the packet? Get back to me when your products aren't so convoluted and bullshit, Campbell's. I don't have that much time to dedicate to soup! I just open up a can and
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Dec 1, 2014 17:35
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Lifehck: Drink Mio straight from the bottle. Just drink it. All of it. Drink all the Mio all at once. And then buy another bottle and drink that one too and then repeat the process. Repeat it forever. just drink every Mio and then die and leave a corpse that is mostly Mio syrup. And then? Then your family will drink YOU. DRINK. THE loving. MIO.
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Dec 6, 2014 03:40
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Lifehack: Stop drinking water and become a living Buddha. Eat only salt, nuts, pine bark, and urushi tea. Be revered forever. Attain eternal life and transcend this mortal existence. Also make sure you wear sunglasses when you do it because you will be cool forever if you do.
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Dec 7, 2014 05:56
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I loving LOVE PINE BARK OKAY
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Dec 7, 2014 06:05
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Lifehack: Let your kids believe in Santa Claus for as long as possible, then let them catch you putting presents under the tree. When they start crying, let them down gently, and assure them that Jesus Christ is real. When they grow up and get into a major auto accident and they only have moments to live, whisper to them the truth: their faith is a lie, and the only thing following our meager existence is a cold, unfeeling void. Moms HATE this weird trick!
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Dec 8, 2014 05:28
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"Remember children, Santa Claus is actually a sentient pile of ants in a red suit. Nightmare Before Christmas is just a very skewed version of the real story."
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Dec 8, 2014 05:49
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HELLO CHILDREN. ANTA CLAUS HAS COME WITH YOUR SEASONAL MATERIAL BAUBLES. BRING TO ANTA CLAUS YOUR SUGAR COOKIES, CLACK-CLACK.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:23
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SMASH MOUTH EAT THE COFFEE EGGS
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Dec 9, 2014 04:24
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So yeah, this page is a bad page, and I'm posting in the vain hope of getting to a cleaner, shinier, newer page free of horrific butt stuff. Lifehack: Poop out your butt like a animal indeed.
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Dec 10, 2014 01:03
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Inzombiac posted:I was taught to drive with my knees so that I could pleasure my woman and eat a cheeseburger at the same time. Lifehack: Use both hands to pleasure her while she feeds you cheeseburgers. Conversely, eat two cheeseburgers at a time and make her do it herself, because dammit you have cheeseburgers HER ORGASM CAN loving WAIT.
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Dec 19, 2014 02:29
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MEATY MOUSE IS NEW EMPEROR OF BACHELORDOM 
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Dec 24, 2014 03:28
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Croccers posted:It's fun! Isn't Christmas about having fun?! *glares as thick black smoke rises from a battery of waffle irons* "LOOK AT ALL THIS FUN WE'RE HAVING. HO. HO. HO. NOW EAT YOUR GODDAMN HASH BROWNS."
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Dec 25, 2014 22:45
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Ha! Joke's on them! I don't need a jalapeno to suffer horrifying, burning agony! i... i think i need to see a doctor
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Dec 29, 2014 08:40
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:but can you waffle iron your sushi? YOU KNOW GOD drat WELL YOU loving CAN''T
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Dec 30, 2014 06:24
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SERIOUSLY I JUST WANT TO REITERATE SUSHI DOES NOT GO IN A loving WAFFLE IRON GOD drat
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Dec 30, 2014 17:34
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Picnic Princess posted:Nobody listen to this screaming idiot, anything can be waffle ironed if you just try hard enough! ARE YOU TRYING TO END THE WORLD OR SOMETHING MAN EDIT: The running joke is that I am oddly concerned about the concept of putting sushi in a waffle iron and its possible repercussions. Thank you for your cooperation, we now return you to your scheduled shitposts.
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Dec 30, 2014 23:23
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Angela Christine posted:Yes. But it is still a terrible life hack. I've done it by putting the candle in the middle of a shallow pan of soapy water to increase the catch radius before. It works. There are also electric flea traps that use a small amount of heat to attract fleas to sticky flypaper. LIFEHACK: Got fleas? Burn down your house. Then burn your neighbor's house. Just keep burning them houses, you'll soon kill all the fleas. you'll soon kill all the parasites
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Dec 31, 2014 04:37
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Cakefool posted:Haha gently caress, I thought it was the same person something something illegal hacks something something like a animal
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Jan 5, 2015 00:45
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Got unwanted counterfeit money? Safely dispose of it by putting it in the church collection plate! #georgecarlinhacks
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Jan 5, 2015 17:54
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Can't keep your phone from falling in the water? Join us in the dark below and become one with us! You'll never need a phone again as your thoughts will become one with ours, and you shall know the peace and serenity that comes from serving Th'chraak the Leviathan! When the world drowns on its own congealed blood you will be safe and secure in the belly of the beast, and cell phone bills will never trouble you again! #cosmichorrorhacks
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Jan 6, 2015 08:23
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InediblePenguin posted:you ever notice how cat people are like "oh yeah dogs are cool too but cats are great" and dog people are like "CATS ARE loving EVIL THEY ARE LITERALLY THE DEVIL INCARNATE AND DESERVE TO DIE ONLY DOGS SHOULD LIVE DEATH TO ALL FELINES" I hate dogs and the only thing keeping me from kicking any stupid dog I see in its stupid dopey face is the fact I would be no better than a dog owner if I gave into that sweet temptation. Kill all dogs. Cats are the best animal. They are fluffy and small.
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Jan 17, 2015 03:29
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Cat Hatter posted:Being a dog, and being fluffy/small are not mutually exclusive. All good cats are fluffy and small. A dog that is fluffy and small is merely a large breed of rodent to feed to a cat. Also, cats are quiet. Even vocal cats are more quiet than dogs. Lifehack: Throw your dog in the garbage and adopt a cat. If the dog tries to come back in call the police, the dog wants to steal your valuables.
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Jan 17, 2015 03:56
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Cats are our most precious and abundant natural resource. They also make for a clean-burning fuel, but please, do not burn your cats. Burn your dogs instead. Before they burn you.
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Jan 17, 2015 04:07
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Wedemeyer posted:Can all the cat owners do the thread a favor? Waffle iron your cats and report back on how that has improved your life. I DID THIS AND HE GRANTED ME THREE WISHES, AND ALL OF THEM INVOLVED making GBS threads IN MY BATHTUB! I have never been more aroused.
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Jan 19, 2015 01:09
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Rickycat posted:I'm literally a cat irl. Cat-like typing detected!
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Jan 19, 2015 02:03
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Chard posted:It's actually good b/c exposing your offspring to a large variety of environmental mircrobiota will improve their immune system and digestion for life Our Lord and Savior George Carlin, PBUH posted:When I was a little boy in New York City in the 1940's, we swam in the Hudson River and it was filled with raw sewage, okay? We swam in raw sewage! You know, to cool off. And at that time, the big fear was polio; thousands of kids died from polio every year, but you know something? In my neighborhood, no one ever got polio! No one! Ever! You know why? 'Cause we swam in raw sewage! It strengthened our immune systems! The polio never had a prayer; we were tempered in raw poo poo! So personally, I never take any special precautions against germs. I don’t shy away from people that sneeze and cough, I don’t wipe off the telephone, I don’t cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor, I pick it up and eat it! Yes I do. Even if I’m at a sidewalk café! In Calcutta! The poor section! On New Year’s morning during a soccer riot! And you know something? In spite of all that so-called risky behavior, I never get infections, I don’t get them, I don’t get colds, I don’t get flu, I don’t get headaches, I don’t get upset stomach, you know why? 'Cause I got a good strong immune system and it gets a lot of practice. Lifehack: Are you all diseased? Temper your children in raw poo poo!
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Jan 21, 2015 02:28
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 11:18 |
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He said infections, colds, flus, headaches, and upset stomach -- he didn't mention anything about heart attacks.
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Jan 21, 2015 03:19
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