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Ahh Lordy I hadnt thought of Jizz Wailers since like a year ago when me and a friend got into SWG for like a week. Aesop Poprock posted:There's literally a clone of Luke Skywalker in them who is an evil Skywalker and his name is Luuke and he has a tiny evil goatee (he was made out of the hand that got cut off in empire strikes back) and nobody thought it was dumb at the time Was this poo poo not in the comic book version? I havent gotten around to the audio books and I don't remember that at all but hear about it a lot. Luuke was in the Thrawn Trilogy? Anyhow to answer the question I made the mistake of reading Death Star, the whole book is garbage, has a gay sex scene dressed up as a martial arts contest and a character named Teh Roxxor
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Nov 24, 2014 11:30
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Howard Beale posted:loving ysalamiri Yep, there are parts of Thrawn that are okay, but even the Best of The Best EU is full of really dumb bullshit.
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Nov 25, 2014 13:42
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Fetus Tree posted:I liked the medstar books I picked up the 2nd one from a truck stop so I had something to do on a ten hour or so car ride. It had star wars in it so I guess that's good? I didn't hate it.
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Jan 13, 2015 11:58
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Calico Heart posted:Choking a hutt would be hard though, you'd have to use both arms. It'd think you were hugging it. I bet if you did enough blow you could strangle the gently caress outta a hutt.
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Jan 14, 2015 12:17
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Trevor Hale posted:Weren't his lungs force crushed by Mace Windu who wound up feeling INFINITE SADNESS for such a barbaric display? That's a pretty good example of how much of a mess EU crap is. In the original clone wars cartoons of which, the end was supposed to tie right up to the opening minute of episode 3, features Mace Windu crushing the generals chest while trying to stop the general from abducting Sheev. Until then dumb Jedis kept trying to force push Grievious but it didn't work cause his clawed feet would dig in, Mace is smart though so he went for a direct attack. In the book Labyrinth of Evil totally different poo poo happens to the exact same characters during the exact same time period (literally minutes before the opening of 3, the attack on coruscant, etc) Both of these things were released within a year of each other and both bridge episodes 2-3 in totally different ways proving once again the EU is poo poo. ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:speaking of, I assume there's some horrible EU bullshit about what off-duty Jedi did for recreation Ki Adi Mundi (conehead Jedi from the prequels, also my fav) comes from a planet where women outnumber men 50 to 1 so in his downtime he chills with his 20 wives and 60 kids. Edit: unrelated; I wish Durge showed up more, he was great. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 02:05 on Jan 15, 2015 |
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Jan 15, 2015 01:59
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ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:See also the fifty-six different sets of Death Star plans stolen by two hundred and seven different groups at thirty-nine different places and times. Yea, one of the last things I read was Death Star and guess what happens again in that loving book? (This time it's a librarian, maybe those bothans didn't die after all, fuckin lying rear end mon mothma)
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Jan 15, 2015 02:07
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ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:Bothans stole poo poo about the second Death Star, not the first one. Huh, I thought the "many bothans died..." was from 4, it's been a long time since I've watched em. Ragtime Cthulhu posted:I have read both Tarkin and A New Dawn, the first novels in the new Disney EU, and they have yet to broach this directly. Seems like Death Star is halfway complete well before Rebels began I keep meaning to get Tarkin, wish there was more empire centric stuff out there, the politics and endless backstabbing make for fun stories.
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Jan 15, 2015 02:17
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To not betray the spirit of the thread I just found Maul: Lockdown in full on YouTube to listen to while working, so far it has been 15 minutes of rather graphic descriptions of Maul killing things with his bare hands. Thanks Star Wars! Crushing tracheas and eyeballs in sockets with your fingers is like poetry!
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Jan 15, 2015 02:53
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Continued the EU is awful trip report. At around the 2 hr 15 minute mark in Maul: Lockdown, Darth Maul has killed a wampa by plunging his fist into its chest and crushing it's heart with his hands. In graphic detail, after trying the same thing with the wampa's brain. Also there is a mute autistic genius computer programmer. Edit: Oh holy poo poo, at about 2 hrs 45 min in the book went full retard and just ripped off Kaiser Soyze wholesale from Usual Suspects. "The man you are looking for, Iram Radique does not exist, he's a myth, told to young thugs that get too big for their britches" Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 09:51 on Jan 15, 2015 |
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Jan 15, 2015 06:42
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01011001 posted:wait what, why does he get to marry and still be a jedi Wookiepedia posted:Cerean males aged more quickly than the females, who had similar lifespans to Humans. Thus, there were fewer males than females. Polygamous marriage was a necessity in order for the species to survive. Each male usually had one primary "bond-wife," and between four and ten "honor-wives." Ki Adi getting owned by his wife.  Ki Adi riding some weird birds with his kids. 
Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 10:08 on Jan 15, 2015 |
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Jan 15, 2015 09:45
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freethought posted:You almost had me, but you just went that one step too far. There was a Bith Sith Lord, Tenebrous. He was Plageius' master and a scientist(?). The new Marvel Star Wars is just reprints of the Dark Horse Star Wars that came out a year or two ago right? I think I'd read they'd start with reprints. Edit: looks like it is new stories. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 01:45 on Jan 16, 2015 |
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Jan 16, 2015 01:43
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Hingehead posted:I was about to call you an rear end in a top hat for making fun of a droid character that was made in honor of a little girl that died of cancer, then I quickly realized you were talking about another KT droid. I dunno man, I see stuff like that and think, well that sure is a memorial to her father's love of star wars.
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Jan 18, 2015 07:31
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Tearsaslube posted:This is a random pull, but did anyone read darth maul shadow hunter? Itwas p badass I almost listened to that but went with the one about obi wan and qui gon and the conference on Eriadu, I'm only halfway through and can't recall the title. I'll check out shadow hunter after Tarkin. (Which isn't exactly bad but holy poo poo is every main character in a book a super Gary Sue, turns out Tarkin was a total badass that subjugated a violent space ape colony with his wits and a single spear, it's pretty dumb) Edit: and Tarkin's dumb super ship. Before this one I thought maybe Lucerno was a cut above the average EU author, silly me. Oh and the best part is Sheev desperately wants Tarkin and Vader to have best buddy play dates, it's kind of cute. Vvv Id listen to an audiobook of that, add a young obi wan. Newly knighted Jedi, Obi Wan, and republic general Tarkin with some clone trooper deadmeats chasing Dooku around a spooky castle with secret passages and armor displays that feel like they're watching you. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 02:00 on Jan 20, 2015 |
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Jan 20, 2015 00:38
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Elukka posted:gently caress why does every character have to have special everything. I would imagine Tarkin would be a competent admiral type leading a star destroyer group and crushing rebels through his tactical acumen, but no, space apes and spears and special ships. The super ship ends up being a macguffin for the story so it's there for a reason but no it cant be a plain ol corvette, its THE CARRION SPIKE and it was hand desgined by Tarkin himself and full of dumb bullshit to make it the bestest ship ever. And yea, turns out Tarkin in addition to being a governor and guy in charge of the universe's most feared weapon/battle station, he spent his days as a youth on THE CARRION PLATEAU being trained by his super poacher uncle that taught him how to define the characteristics of a species and then break them down ::coughThrawnHACKHACK:: I will say that I still enjoyed the audiobook and found it plenty entertaining, it's far better than "Cloak of Deception" which I am wrapping up offa youtube. But despite being entertaining enough "Tarkin" is still full of the dumb bullshit we all love to hate the EU for. I think if I was actually reading this stuff it would come off much worse and I wouldn't finish most of it. All the production in the audiobooks makes them like little radio dramas so they pass the time while working well enough. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 10:16 on Jan 20, 2015 |
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Jan 20, 2015 10:12
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Fetus Tree posted:Lol who the gently caress is poggo the lesser Leader of the geonosians? (I'm pretty sure that's right, bug winged short dude (not watto) that hangs with Dooku around the end of AOTC. ) And if sand people had a voice it would likely be Native American caricatures, their portrayal in the EU gives them this weird honorable, noble savage vibe. Living off the land, using all of the buffalo (bantha), that kinda poo poo. Also I'd like to say to everyone that Wat Temblor is dope as hell simply because of his cool robo voice he has to deliver his one line. Based on this metric my other favorite prequel character is Sebulba's pod racer. Not Sebulba, his race car, that thing makes an awesome other worldly "WHUP WHUP WHUP" sound. http://youtu.be/LLR6NsCL4_A Edit: I know who cares and all but guys, his name is Poggle. All the dumb EU I consume is clone wars and OG trilogy era, I don't care for the dawn of Jedi, old republic or future new republic stuff so the who's who of the CIS is a thing I've heard a lot about, there's a lot of clone wars era crap out there. AND another thing to bitch about, I found the first half of the new dawn of the force or whatever book on YouTube ( the rebels prequel) holy poo poo is the main character the most unlikeable gently caress, he's written as a snarky perma 13 year olds idea of badass always full of 'tude. Who the gently caress is that supposed to appeal to? 13 year old boys I guess? His response to every other character is "out of my way, smell you later DWEEB!" Or if it's a lady, "hey babe, you sure are a BABE!" Why oh why would anyone choose to spend hours and hours in the company of such a total poo poo head. This poo poo is supposed to be entertainment, not a race to the most cringe inducing moments possible. It's basically Poochie the fuckin Jedi. And the main bad guy is Count Vidian (not vader) he has cybernetic limbs and a robot voice and is an imperial but totally not vader guys, just a dude that's exactly like him in almost every way. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 05:58 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 05:13
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Fetus Tree posted:Its a good book for a sw book I'll 2nd it, read last time I was between jobs, nothing better to do than read free star wars books from the library. Much better written than the film and actually fleshed out a lot of the story. Right now I'm about 2 hours into the Death Troopers audiobook. More fun then it should be but after Maul: Lockdown I've had enough of prison settings.
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Jan 23, 2015 05:22
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Mr.Pibbleton posted:It'd take amazing writing to make that concept work. I think there's promise in a longer story aboard a derelict Star Destroyer like in the beginning of the book but they drop that real fast. LOL 3 hours in and Han Solo outta nowhere, gonna get nice and dumb now.
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Jan 23, 2015 07:10
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Aside from zombies in general being well played out by now (are there even zombies? everyone is sick and dead but no zombies yet) it's like two big missed opportunities. Instead of being storm troopers vs. zombies which could be dumb fun, the book kills everyone but Han, Chewie, a doctor and some kids, so by the time the zombies do show up all the storm troopers are dead so no fun storm troopers freaking the gently caress out at zombies scenes, and there's that bit about the derelict Star Destroyer that starts the whole mess which would be a fun book on it's own, buncha Imperials making their way through an abandoned giant ship, guys going around corners and disappearing, creepy poo poo in the bio-lab, wholesale ripping off the thing and maybe evil dead. But nope, instead we got a book that at one point has a line something like "the doctor could smell the familiar copper tinge of her own fear"
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Jan 23, 2015 10:04
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freethought posted:You should move somewhere with a better funded public library program imo. I'm certain they had better stuff, it's more likely my taste that's suspect.
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Jan 24, 2015 04:15
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OneThousandMonkeys posted:You assholes who keep creeping into the thread to insist the EU is good to need to ride the gently caress on out of town I'll take this opportunity to repent and say if I said anything good about a Star Wars book it was comparatively in regards to other star wars books. None of them stand up to actual literature. By that same token sometimes you just really want that McDonald's cheeseburger. It's bad and hardly food and we all know it but sometimes you want that anyway. Also I seem to be wrapping up A new dawn, of course the lame o Vader rip off Vidian started off as a mild mannered safety inspector, but no one listened. Now he's a cyborg and HES THE ONE BREAKING ALL THE SAFETY RULES!!! gently caress, how lame is that. The big antagonist is a loving safety inspector with robot limbs and an axe to grind.
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Jan 26, 2015 07:19
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I only eat free range Lazer turkey. Going by the 1000 different ways to say coffee in the EU, here is a few suggestions to help new authors make their poultry more science fictiony. Turk LazTurk Turken LT Tur LazTur GobbleBird Space Gobbler Star Gobbler TIE Turken
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Jan 28, 2015 06:27
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And has a lengthy history, that sandwich was actually how yoda got the tip off to the order 66 betrayal on Kashyyk(sp). It also stole one of many sets of plans to Death Star 1.
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Jan 28, 2015 06:47
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WeaponGradeSadness posted:I had a real "aha" moment when I thought "oh poo poo, they're not called Star Destroyers because they destroy stars, they're called that because they're destroyers in space!" I had this moment a few weeks ago playing Empire at War, I was looking at frigates and stuff and was like oh gently caress, one of my favorite things in science fiction is actually lazily named as gently caress. And if they had kept going with the idea would be beyond cheesy. "Make sure you secure your star safety vest because the star airplane trip could get a bit star choppy"
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Jan 29, 2015 01:21
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quote:Another difference between Zeltrons and Humans was the presence of a second liver, which allowed Zeltrons to enjoy a larger number of alcoholic beverages than other humanoids. I'm really getting stuck trying to figure out how Darwin would explain this one, "well you see they are constantly being challenged to shot contests, after 2 million years of beer pong, shot races, and iron man challenges they began to evolve an extra liver" I think it's mostly the bad wording from wookiepedia because it seems to be implying the reason for the liver was to drink more, not the other way around. Also telepathic and gullible really shouldn't be in a sentence together, if you can read minds or intuit thoughts you're likely good at spotting liars. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 03:25 on Jan 29, 2015 |
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Jan 29, 2015 03:23
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:Has anyone ever played sabacc? I figure some nerd worked out the rules with an actual deck or computer program. The more depraved Star Wars nerds wouldn't be able to keep their hammy hands away from it. Wasn't it in the first KOTOR game? There was some kinda gambling mini game in there.
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Jan 30, 2015 06:55
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When I saw that Star Wars humble bundle I was excited to get some cheap star wars games but every one of them has been a steam sale for like $1.25 so yea, I've got emm all. I'm hardly a bloodthirsty psycho but the light saber working like a bat instead of a blade in force unleashed was loving lame.
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Feb 3, 2015 23:17
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freethought posted:Eh, I thought you could chop stormtroopers up. Regardless, the combat was poo poo. There was about twenty minutes of fun to be had loving around with stormtroopers with the telekinesis but only because of the animation tech, the controls were so loving sluggish it ended up being a pain in the arse to do anything but a quick throw, the game was obsessed with you fighting AT-ST's, the Star Destroyer bit was terrible by the standards of QTE let alone anything approaching actual gameplay and the main character was loving Crashdown from BSG. Yea, Force Unleashed was one of those games where all you needed was the demo, throw stormtroopers into walls, see the thing where you lift a trooper up and he grabs another trooper out of panic, and you're done.
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Feb 3, 2015 23:40
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This is the best force unleashed thing. The one about "how did Bob die?" Is pretty good too. http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/02/01 I really wish more games paid for euphoria engine. Watching computer dudes cling to things for dear life is great.
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Feb 18, 2015 02:48
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Fetus Tree posted:Thats awesome tbh Gary Whitta had a hand in writing and although a likeable enough dude, one of his last big writing gigs was After Earth. Dude digs Star Wars though so shrugging motion? I hope its a Wedge movie.
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Mar 13, 2015 08:37
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Star Wars: Ships of the Galaxy should come with a cd-rom. I'm not kidding, if it were 1994 that would likely be a much more awesome release. Speaking of 1994, I was reminded the other day of a star wars eu thing that is awesome, https://archive.org/details/StarlogStarWarsTechnicalJournalVol02TheImperialForces I must've been about 14 when it came out but I probably read it over and over for a week.
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Mar 13, 2015 09:02
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LIKE A MYNOCK WITH ITS TAIL ON FIRE!!!!! I've been listening to all the Zahn books lately. I think I've heard that expression one hundred and fifty two times. I'm getting real tired of hearing it.
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Mar 18, 2015 06:36
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Fil5000 posted:How many wry eyebrows have you counted? I haven't noticed that one but holy hell are cheeks a-twitching, I'm not even sure exactly what it means, when I twitch my cheeks in the mirror I look insane. Fur is also a-rippling, mainly on Bothans, fur rippling this way and that. I went from Last Command to Spectre of The Past, skipping ten years, Galactic President Bird is just loving hilarious. Edit: "Now see here Admiral Pellaeon, I'm just a simple hyper-bird from a backwoods asteroid...  I'm sorry, I thought you was corn." Mon Mothma in the back there looks like she has ingested a lot of psychedelic mushrooms about an hour before this meeting, that look on her face screams, "Oh poo poo is that hyper-bird real or drug real? Maintain Mon Mothma, maintain." Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 09:18 on Mar 18, 2015 |
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Mar 18, 2015 09:05
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Plasma fire Id guess
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Mar 22, 2015 22:19
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Sheev Sheeversen
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Mar 26, 2015 00:17
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For awhile there I was finding bad audiobooks on youtube while at work which gave me plenty to make fun of, after that I figured Id only read the comics of the thrawn stuff so I dug up the thrawn triology and the sequels, ghosts of the past/visons of the future. Thrawn trilogy has been mostly covered here as being least lovely of poo poo and still loving dumb sometimes. I found Luuke to be not as bad as I expected since he does nothing but show up to swing a lightsaber for a few minutes while saying nothing at the very end. Something about the way that writer writes tough independant women though is the worst. I have no clue how Mara Jade ever became popular because she has one setting that whole trilogy, catty oval office. No one like a know-it-all, sister. Then since by the time the sequel has come around Mara has had character growth she is reincarnated in the assassin lady who then spends most of two books being a know it all oval office. poo poo that I found dumb/funny about ghosts/visions (which I ended up really liking by the end, that Pealleon is an alright dude, glad he made it.) gently caress your stupid squawking bird species. gently caress the whole Niruwan/Hand of Thrawn arc. The tiny amount of setting up it does for what was to come was not worth all the tedious as gently caress crap that came before and after it. Also it contains the worst poo poo that made me want to run straight to this thread for what the gently caress ishness. Chewbacca, that fun guy from the OT that you know and love, gently caress that, hes babysitting for two books, heres a cunty assassin lady and Lando (who can actually talk i guess) I said it before but galactic president bird is just too camp and funny for me. its never described in the books but I bet that dude is doing random bird poo poo at all times and is a blast to be around when stoned. All the really weird poo poo is the Luke/Mara stuff, I thought Luke's folks had an odd relationship but then all this poo poo happens, So mara is hanging out with the really annoying squaking bird creatures that maybe took her captive and can sense luke hit the system through the force or whatever at which point Mara decides she is stank and heads to a cold creek to get less stank before Luke lands. Like sure, who cares what you smell like when youre chilling in a cave with annoying bird aliens that you cant understand, and knowing another human is showing up may make you aware of the smelly facts but its a loving weird thing to put in a book. Then mara gets shot in the shoulder and luke has to put her in a 5 day healing trance to fix that poo poo, as soon as she goes under Luke is all of a sudden like "hey wait, this chick is kinda pretty, never noticed that before but now that she is all passed out for 5 days and poo poo ill steal me a kiss. its not so much the action but the odd tone shift and ok its also the action, luke youve mentioned a bunch of dead exes but stealing kisses from passed out chicks?, cmon buddy. And why the gently caress didnt any of the guards ever decide, "oh gently caress, lets go look for that bitch that shot at us" in the 5 days, theres a bit about the annoying birds misleading them but annoying birds aint redheads firing blaster bolts at your face. Then at some point in luke and mara's long tedious cave journey #57 luke is like, "hey, i know, lets get married" and maras all "well i guess that makes sense, youre a jedi and im only slightly less of a oval office than I was ten years ago, the only other time we spent together" and a relationship with all the passion of Anakin and Padme, with LESS passion than Anakin and Padme somehow is born. Oh yea, I rember what else what hosed about the marriage proposal. The conversation went something like this "So Mara, you and Lando hung out a lot in the ten years since Ive seen you" "yep" "Sooooo you didnt actually sleep with the one black guy in the known universe did you?" "Naw, we were on this long term mission for Karde looking for a hard to find dude" "Ohhhhhhhh, will you marry me then?" "sure" Mara was tainted goods until he found out the truth. Its a dumb nerd nitpick but the last two books kinds drove me crazy because much of it could have been avoided if one single conversation was had. When notThrawn shows up and hijacks Lando he tells Lando he was on Myrkir lookin for Luke when Han and Lando spotted him ten years before. Lando really should have talked to Karde because Thrawn was there to get magic lizards and dropped by for a quick chat with an associate. Lando wasnt close enough to hear the conversation but never brings up notThrawn's answer when he runs into Karde a short time later. Drove me loving insane. That reminded me, theres a scene in Visons where the baddies put magic lizards on the backside of a wall so they could talk to Mara without getting force choked or whatever, luke finds this and starts moving the lizards attached to their frames to the opposite wall, a guard shows up, fightining happens and then in a rush Luke throws the last few frames across the room lizards and all. What a dick, those magic lizards never did anything to deserve being hucked across a room, its another oddly out of place note that I guess the writer missed but ruins the tense tone of the scene with mental pictures of luke tossing iguanas against a wall. fun fact: since the thrawn trilogy was audiobooks I got through the whole trilogy thinking Talon Karde's ship was the Wild Card. Later looking at wookiepedia or something I learned it was actually called the Wild Karde and spent the next 3 hours on the floor fallen from my chair, groaning and rolling my eyes.
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Apr 13, 2015 10:51
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TK-42-1 posted:Apparently wookies don't age and/or Chewie was literally a child in the originals. I want to know what that new emblem of the empire or whatever was for. Chewie was like 200 when he showed up in the prequels, wookies get really old I guess.
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Apr 17, 2015 00:29
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Aww, they're all buried in the millennium falcon's back yard.
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Apr 20, 2015 15:19
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Okay, I liked parts of Tarkin and Heir and New Dawn. They aren't aggressively bad but none of them stand out as good either. They all drag in parts and have some bad writing but I'd say I liked them all about as much as other recent books like Kenobi or Plagueis. Heir to the Jedi has a bit towards the end I won't spoil (it's still kinda new) that felt lazy and lame as poo poo, but I was liking the book till then so it ended up as a wash. Heir has some really odd bits where OT characters discuss PT events like the clone wars which is super weird cause most of the OT books I've read were written long before the prequels so things like the clone wars and Jedi Knights are treated as vaguely as possible. Was odd hearing Luke directly reference "newer facts" if that makes any sense. Cyberball 2072 fucked around with this message at 04:50 on Apr 21, 2015 |
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Apr 21, 2015 04:48
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I refuse to believe an EU character exists with a name as pedestrian as Ken
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Apr 22, 2015 01:44
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It's like poetry, it rhymes. I think we already had a good 3 pages making mofference jokes but it's still funny.
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Apr 22, 2015 04:37
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