Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

Stoner Sloth posted:

FutonForensic posted:

pardon my french, but it has to feel like taking a gigantic loving poo poo & realizing you can immediately run faster, jump higher, think better

FutonForensic posted:

2:43 PM [System] You have reached level 100.
2:44 PM [General] futonforensic: ding. Do NOT go in there

NumptyScrub posted:

O treasured orbs, within this pastel glow
Those who revere the child of grain, or grape
The works of yeast which do sustain the soul
Becom'st the cause of such a merry jape
Additionally, you whom woulds't prefer
The soothing from an incandescent bowl
A pleasant toke from comforting reefer
Now unto you, I do entreat; Let's Go!

Barking Gecko posted:

Barking Gecko posted:

O treasured orbs, within this pastel glow
Those who revere the child of grain, or grape
The works of yeast which do sustain the soul
Becom'st the cause of such a merry jape
Additionally, you whom woulds't prefer
The soothing from an incandescent bowl
A pleasant toke from comforting reefer
Now unto you, I do entreat; Let's Go!

NumptyScrub posted:

I did a thing, and it was better than I dared dream

https://images.numptyscrub.org/sa/jeff_is_bubba.mp4

Manifisto posted:

Activia posted:

Forget it, Jake. It’s ‘ginatown.

google THIS posted:

*bursts through the saloon door*

"There's a new IK in town! Any of y'all wanna spend 6 hours in the county jail, you just come and talk to me. Is that clear?"

*the entire saloon stampedes into the street and toward the jail*

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

The Addams Family started,
When Uncle Fester brought to market,
A bushel of his smartest,
Addams Family weed!

The genetics are extreme,
The best you've ever seen,
It'll make you laugh and scream
It's Addams Family weed!

It owns, *snap! snap!*
Trichromes, *snap! snap!*
You're stoned...

The munchies are all weird,
The cookies have a beard,
There's no need to be skeered,
Of Addams Family weed!

*snap! snap!*

Thing hands you a joint

Android Blues posted:

gently caress lol. lmao...he Would get so high. hed have a spell to make a marijuana brownie. ron would be high. hagrid would be high. crookshanks would be high. the grim would be high. sirius black would be high. diagon alley and knockturn alley would be places where they got high. remus lupin would be high. the order of the phoenix? no idiot. the order of the bong hits. they would all be high. dobby? not high, but everyone else would be high. kreacher would be high. tonks (died) would be high. the goat owned by dumbledore's dumb rear end brother would be high as poo poo. the dragon with the idiot name would be high. the giant spiders would be high. olaf from frozen would be there and teaching them how to be high. they would all suck the green gas in through the marijuana cigarette and become stupid. they would all become so god drat stupid from eating the green gas. lmao...lol

barnold posted:

ChubbyChecker posted:

lol

Stoner Sloth posted:

BYOBeautiful mind over matters of importance of being ernest goes to camp david and goliatheist in foxholesbian weddings and a funeral at sea shells by the sea shore leaves of grass, rear end or gaslight the flame of freedom fries with that ho over there once was a man from nantuckettle chips and gravy bones gonna walk abouter space the final frontiers of science fictional character assassinational lampoon's vacation is as good as a holiday of a lifetime of your life moves pretty fast and loose with the truth you can't handle the truth nothing but the truth of the matters of state of the union duel to the death of a salesman of the year of living dangerously cheesy grinning like an idiot king of the hills have eyes in the back of your heads will rolling stone gathers no mossy oaks from little acorns grow house music of the spheres of influence of drugs and alcohol by volume of a cuBe Your Own BYOBeautiful...

Heather Papps posted:

O what can ail thee, yobber-at-desk,
Alone and barely posting?
The blue fluid has dried from the pad,
And the mangoes ripe with pest.

O what can ail thee, yobber-at-desk,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The gas’s chamber is full,
And the gold mine is less than empty.

I see a kitty on thy hammock,
With cheerful face and weed-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading post
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the threads,
Full beautiful—a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet posts

I set her on my posting chair,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

She found me chips of dorito spicy,
And honey wild, and mountains-dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
‘I emptyquote thee true’.

She took me to her Elfin thread,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With jokes voted more than four.

And there she lullèd me asleep,
And there I dreamed—Ah! woe betide!—
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale mods and idiot kings too,
Pale posters, death-pale were they all;
They cried—‘La Belle Dame du Shitpost
Thee hath in thrall!’

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gapèd wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely posting,
Though the goldmine is empty from the jape,
And no probes sting.

Nosfereefer posted:

nut posted:

what have u done

Barco Fiesta posted:

me neither but I have seen Laurence Fishburne in some poo poo like The Matrix, a classic film that will make you question reality. What is the Matrix? This is a question asked in the movie, but is redundant because the Matrix is obviously a classic film that redefined the sci-fi action genre, and had people all over America asking themselves "What is the Matrix?" You may be asking yourself "What is the Matrix?" The answer is very simple: Imagine you're about to karate kick somebody so you jump in the air and the camera goes like "wooooooooooooovvvvvv" and then you do the kick and the motherf*cker goes flying. That's what the Matrix is really about.

google THIS posted:

Day 3482

We are still stranded on this godforsaken planet. The infant sun beats down on us, mocking us with its laughter, forcing us underground. We can only survive brief excursions during the day, and even so, the nights are worse. As the laughing sun sets we must all race inside and seal our home up tight against the darkness and what lurks in it.

We have subsisted on toast and custard for what feels like ages. That is, what little we can gather from the dispensers before the Noo Noo steals it. Like most of the other machinery we salvaged from our crashed ship the Noo Noo has gone completely rampant, causing chaos, commanding us rather than obeying our commands, dispensing our rations and controlling our activities seemingly at random. Fits of madness are our only reprieve, times when our minds can escape into childish games or giggles at our own torment.

Our only hope is rescue, so we have tuned our cyborg implants to listen for any transmission. Like everything else, our implants have gone faulty, and only one of ours will be functional on any given day. Even our makeshift windmill amplifier does little to help.

Long have we waited for a comforting message from our homeworld, some promise that help is on the way, and so we still gather in excitement whenever one of our screens winks to life. More often than not the transmission is actually a British child telling us about some boring field trip or activity they did at school. But it is our last grain of hope, and so we continue to watch each transmission with a facade of enthusiasm even after hundreds of disappointments. Truthfully, however, I don't know how much longer we can hold out.

xcheopis posted:

what do u do with the holes from the hole punch
what do u do with the holes from the hole punch
what do u do with the holes from the hole punch
early in the morning

way hey the cleaning staff hate me
way hey the cleaning staff hate me
way hey the cleaning staff hate me
early in the morning

open up the hole punch and drop 'em all over
open up the hole punch and drop 'em all over
open up the hole punch and drop 'em all over
early in the morning

way hey the cleaning staff hate me
way hey the cleaning staff hate me
way hey the cleaning staff hate me
early in the morning

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

https://vocaroo.com/158h4B7tF0jZ

Prof. Crocodile posted:

Barking Gecko posted:

quote:

Every post by every BYOB poster who posted sincerely, with a positive vibe that made the universe a better place

The Hello Machine posted:

Hello!

your friend sk posted:

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic piece of poo poo.

Finger Prince posted:

The third chopstick just sits on the side watching the other two get it on with the food and the mouth. The cuckstick.

Twenty Four posted:

Not sure if I'm dead or a vampire or just looking at the mirror wrong... wait I think this is just a window...

Finger Prince posted:

Cider-Man, Cider-Man,
Drinking his cider from a can
Spins a yarn, any size,
Catches hell from his wife
Look Out!
Here comes the Cider-Man.

Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He's got alcohol instead of blood.
Can he walk to the door?
Take a look on the floor.
Hey, there
There goes the Cider-Man.

In the chill of night
Drinking down at the pub
Apples back at the farm
Fermenting in the tub.

Cider-Man, Cider-Man
Friendly neighborhood Cider-Man
Wealth and fame
He's ignored
Scrumpy is his reward.

To him, life is a great big piss up
Wherever there's a knees up
You'll find the Cider-Man!

Youremother posted:

Areola Grande posted:

how bout u dribble off that IK star and let us do what we pls

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

fat bottom sheep you make the mutton world go round

treasure bear posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktfNtiBcfyo

Dr. Honked posted:

a dark lord's meticulously crafted life of privilege starts to unravel when a little fella finds a ring in a stream

baka fwocka fwame posted:

so there i am doing my thing when some guy tells me to get hosed. what is my thing? not important

baka fwocka fwame posted:

another day of making number go up, i think as i drive home from my executive office suite to my million dollar mansion in my lamborghini diablo. another day, i think. lately my days have been in between pulse pounding sex sessions with my supermodel wife and tennis lessons out on the gold clay court and in those meditative days i feel an aching void in my heart. number go up, i think. but in the end all our numbers will be up. i'm numb to this now. number go up chasing all other numbers down. when one number goes up other numbers go down. they call this the number problem, i think dimly, in harvard somewhere. with their corduroy frock coats and their too-thick glasses and mixing opium in with their tobacco to smoke out of wooden pipes. carved somewhere, i think, by someone's father or mother or brother or sister. when we carve humans out of space the number of our population goes up.

i stare at myself partially reflected by the rearview tilted towards me, as if my head cut in 3's, as if all i am is my eyes. i stare at my speedometer and i stare at my watch hand gripping the wheel white knuckled, like pale moons across my tendons. there are 7 ridges on the knuckle, rippled crests over the white when the fingers are bent in grip.

what numbers did i make go up? i can no longer remember. i might be selling cigarettes or antique chairs or some new drug we tested on bugs so we could just test 1000 ants at once and then say we tested the drug 1000 times. it doesn't matter. when are numbers problems? when are problems numbers? it no longer makes any sense to me.

houston, i think, as david bowie's space oddity plays over the car radio stereo system, we have a problem all right. it's our numbers. what is the number of the problem? ancient inca civilizations. the first springing of life from the primordial rivers. books of black magic stored in vaults people have lost the keys to. think a number and then make it bigger. can you ever stop?

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

its stupid duck you loving dumbass. Its a stupid loving duck, not a goddamned chicken

How Wonderful! posted:

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

its stupid duck you loving dumbass. Its a stupid loving duck, not a goddamned chicken

get a load of this guy. boy they should make a thread for dumb people and let him post in it lmao. me and my chicken are out of here

Khanstant posted: