CONGRATULATIONS YOU SEXIST MISOGYNIST PIGS

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > CONGRATULATIONS YOU SEXIST MISOGYNIST PIGS

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Lowtax posted:

oh really: [url]https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:1f08LV0sYFsJ:https://jessicanexus.wordpress.com/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us[/url]

Jessica Dupre posted:

This one time, I confessed my robot fetish to a boyfriend early in our relationship. He didn’t quite understand at first. He asked, “So you mean you’d have sex with R2D2?”

“No, not exactly.” It was funny to picture though. So I tried to clarify:

“What I mean is you could sort of wind me up like a doll, or wind me up too tight and I’ll break, and you’ll have to fix me.”

He scrunched his face. “Isn’t that more of a doll fetish though?”

“That’s just one example,” I said. “There’s lots of things I fantasize about.” If I’d known better, I could’ve avoided a lot of confusion by showing him the Duran Duran video “Electric Barbarella.” (I still get shivers when watching it.) The more we talked, it seemed like the less he understood. Boo. When someone can’t even get their heads around the idea, it kinda kills the mood.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2016 07:27

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 11:51

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Cowman posted:

this lady wants to gently caress robots

wait no she wants to be a robot and be hosed

you forgot the most important part of the fantasy; "if robot-her breaks the man has to take her apart and fix her and put her back together again and she's grateful"

I'm not kidding that is apparently extremely important to her getting her rocks off lol

# ¿ Apr 22, 2016 07:51

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Cowman posted:

what a progressive feminist, wanting a man to do everything for her

# ¿ Apr 22, 2016 08:32

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

haha gross

# ¿ Apr 22, 2016 09:14

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

If you haven't read her amazon book description you're missing out

quote:

Jessica Dupre knows she's broken, but she wants to make you laugh about it. She puts up with a dysfunctional family including a hot schizophrenic mom, a disinterested workaholic dad, a hopelessly dependent brother, and all of their impossible expectations. All the while, she struggles to build her own career as a writer, which she knows is a horrible idea, searching for love on the side. She finds comfort in a bizarre sexual fetish about robots, an erotic craving activated by a traumatic series of sexual awakenings as a young adult. No kidding, stuff so bad she has to crack jokes about it to keep from crying. Yet underneath all that cynicism is a cuddly little girl you'll fall in love with, and then tell all of your friends to buy her book. And you'll root for her, and wonder if she'll ever find someone who can satisfy her weird, techno-sexual desires. And you'll beg her to update her blog more often.

the narcissism is loving astonishing

# ¿ Apr 22, 2016 19:17

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

my favorite part is fembot Jessica is sultry and submissive and programmed to follow a man's every command but she is not a whore, and you cannot just boss her around you misogynist!!

I had no idea why it's all so goofilly complicated, but poor drat Nonexistent Dr Who Boyfriend must be the dumbest, ugliest, or fattest motherfucker around to put up with this level of bonkers

# ¿ Apr 23, 2016 09:27

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

quote:

Jessica Dupre is the cartoon version of a writer and academic who wants to talk about fembots, gender, and sex while posting erotica. She is a feminist in the Kristeva/Cisoux sense, meaning equality and choice but also lots of messing around with language and representation. She wants to meet and break your expectations at the same time. If she’s not teaching or writing research articles, she’s probably off with her gorgeous boyfriend or here, or at the gym, because she doesn’t sleep. Ever. You can buy her erotic memoir about being a fembot, The Incredible Broken Girl, over at Amazon.

Jessica is gorgeous, athletic, a perfect feminist, professionally very successful, has a flawless boyfriend, and is all around just loving amazing. all of these are true facts because she wrote them on the internet.

# ¿ Apr 23, 2016 18:30

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

the terminator movies are probably super sad for her

# ¿ Apr 23, 2016 20:57

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

That Robot posted:

im a robot and i'm fine w/ it

she is a fake-rear end robot w/ an invalid product key

wow I mean she sucks but that kinda shade seems uncalled for

# ¿ Apr 23, 2016 23:17

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

Mishap on the Trail

Jessica led the way on the trail, her boyfriend Miles struggling to keep up despite his own enviable strength and endurance. He watched her practically dance over patches of rocks and mud, sprinting up steep hills, only to stop and taunt him at the top. “Hey, I thought you were a marathon runner!” she called down through cupped hands, locks of golden blond hair falling loose from her thick, voluminous updo. She let out a charming laugh and then returned to her energetic, bouncy run. His breath was ragged, but the sight of her athletic legs in those running tights, the way the waistband hugged her hips and lower abs, kept him moving. He’d preferred the earlier tests of the Nexus unit’s performance capabilities, if he didn’t say so. She had even brought him breakfast in bed before they’d hit the trails.

Miles glanced at his watch, then touched the comm unit wired to his ear. “Op center, this is Miles. I told you to slow her down a little. Her last mile was under six minutes, and her dermal layer isn’t even producing sweat.”

The operator monitoring Jessica’s systems told Miles that they were having trouble communicating with all of her systems at the moment. The best they could do was initiate a pause, and he could make adjustments manually. “Her performance accelerator might’ve been knocked on high by accident, due to all the jostling.”

“Fine,” Miles said. “Do it.”

Thankfully, Miles picked up his pace for half a mile and then, rounding a corner, found Jessica “resting” at an overlook. He could see for miles from this elevation, and it was almost as beautiful as the sight of Jessica standing still with a blank look on her face, arms by her side, lips slightly parted. He grunted a little, seeing her like that, showing off her thigh gap and toned arms and flat abs in that little purple sports bra. It was almost ridiculous how attractive they’d made her. His arousal grew as he pressed his thumb into the soft area at the base of her skull, held it for four seconds, and watched a thin rectangle appear in Jessica’s breastbone. The patch of skin flipped up like the top of a container, revealing what someone would’ve described as the flat surface of a smartphone. He tapped away, accessing Jessica’s menu, and then toggled her performance settings. Meanwhile, the once cheerful, boastful athlete stared onward, brow slightly furrowed, as if deeply confused by something.

After closing the panel, Miles reactivated the Jessica unit and watched her head rattle for a few seconds during her startup routine. Her eyes blinked several times before focusing on him.

She smiled, “Miles! I think I’m ready to cool down a little now, aren’t you?”

Before he could say anything, she repeated herself, blinking one eye repeatedly. “I think it’s time to cool down now, now, n-n-n-n-ow. Don’t you? Don’t you?” She twisted her hips, pointed her feet toward the trail, and began a comical windup girl strut, straight into a tree.

“Jessica, hold up!” Miles tried to stop her, but it was too late. She crashed into a large oak, tossing her head back like she’d just been punched in the forehead as she shuffled away.

She redirected, but then walked into another tree with the same unsettling results. “Oh, I think I’m ready to cool down now. Don’t you? Don’t you?” Jessica’s torso pitched forward at the hips, then she righted herself, grabbing at her hair as her head rotated back and forth. “Ready to cool down now. Don’t we all? A marathon…I’m now for stretching up, shoes. Yeah?”

Her eyes popped wide open, and for a moment her body spasmed until she seemed to gain control of her limbs. But the she swiveled her upper half in several directions and started to burp smoke. What had Miles done to her? She’d been performing perfectly until now. When Jessica started strutting toward the edge of the overpass, Miles dashed after and caught her by the shoulders, guiding her over to a boulder. She resisted, trying to walk forward and swinging her arms as he pushed her backwards. He kept calling her name, but she didn’t even look at him, as if she were sleep walking.

He pressed down on her collar bones, forcing Jessica into a seated position.

Jessica looked up at him with a bright smile, loose locks of blond hair framing her face as her updo unraveled further. Sun glinted in her glowing blue eyes, almost super-human in their hue. Her beauty still took his breath away. That was, until one of her eyes faded out, then returned with a bright red glow. Her smile turned into a parody as those luscious pink lips sagged down on one side.

“Oh, poo poo,” Miles said, fumbling behind her head for the off switch.

Meanwhile, Jessica’s eyes blinked alternately like a broken animatronic doll. Her head began to vibrate, giving her voice a shallow, shaky sound as she uttered the same few phrases over and over again. “It’s time to cool down. Time to, time to, time to cool down. Don’t you? I’m thought you had were a marathon cool, Miles. I time you marathon was a now-now-now.”

Miles touched his comm unit. “drat it, op man. We’ve got speech parsing errors now. I thought I told you to debug her control panel last time. You did? Well, you screwed it up even worse. I’m going to have to carry her down this drat mountain now.”

Which turned out to be less of a hassle than he liked to let on. He deactivated Jessica just as smoke began to plume from her ears, and there was a good chance they could at least save some of her core processing components and files if they were careful. Otherwise, a malfunction like this one called for a complete disassembly of the torso and cranial unit for inspection and testing. It was really too bad, but maybe they could get her up and running again by the end of the week. He bent down and wrapped his arms around the defunct Jessica unit, lifting her over one shoulder. As he walked down the trail, one hand clapped across the back of her thigh for support, her breasts gently brushing his back as her arms dangled this way and that, he hoped he wouldn’t encounter any other hikers. That would be hard to explain.

Austin Powers

# ¿ Apr 24, 2016 18:05

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

when your weirdo insular super-specific fetish community casts you out you know you're a serious fuckup

# ¿ Apr 25, 2016 23:30

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

a retard posted:

sa collaborated with some diaper fetish forum back in the day to gently caress with deek becasue even other diaper fetish people hated deek that badly

maybe we should team up with those goofball Tribes forums to rid the internet of the schizo scourge of Dare/Alex Levert

# ¿ Apr 26, 2016 00:01

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

Thank you so much for starting an entire thread about me. It makes me feel really special. I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm back online, and everything is going just great. Also, I've rethought my position and think sexism is totally funny. You shouldn't be banned for making sexist comments here, but if I can make fun of you for it then I'm going to. I'm thrilled to be here on General Bullshit and look forward to what happens next.

I love how you can never actually quote any unironically sexist posts. Also did you seriously unban and buy a new av just to pick fights and lose another $15?

# ¿ Apr 26, 2016 18:35

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

That Robot posted:

you are a narcissist, a coward and a terrible writer

I also know you are Adama2014, who is a dude

where is the adama2014 thing from?

not that I don't believe you I just want to read more about this mentally ill dumpster fire of a human being

# ¿ Apr 26, 2016 19:19

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

I keep trying to imagine how broken a human being you'd have to be to have your sexual awakening happen to Austin 'loving' Powers but it just ain't making any more sense

# ¿ Apr 26, 2016 23:38

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

Could you clarify your analogy, Moridin920? Am I the sticky blob, or the person who poked it? What if I enjoy being covered by a sticky blob?

why do you keep giving lowtax money to shittalk you?

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 00:12

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Applewhite posted:

If my tablet weren't packed up in my suitcase we would already have a sex robot CYOA. I just hope the topic is still relevant by the time i can draw again.

gonna go ahead and click this thread 5 a few times to stay in practice

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 01:23

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Applewhite posted:

Judging by her avatar, Jessica seems a dab hand at art. Maybe she should try.

her 'boyfriend' (who is most definitely not just sockpuppeting her) is a deviantart champ

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 01:28

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

To the critics: What I'm hearing is that a 30-page thread of thoughtless insults is funny, so long as I don't show up and kill everyone's fun. How about this? Reading through all that nonsense, I found two posts that made me laugh. The rest were pretty boring. I remember better taunts at the back of my school bus in middle school.

To everyone else, check out this music video about a fembot. Is it sexist or satirical? I'm so wrapped up in layers of irony right now that I can't tell anymore: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isMnuuOUCWs

why are you a guy pretending to be a girl?

why are you doing that?

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 03:33

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

Yes, I loved that one, 3D-printing my own baby...

why are you a guy pretending to be a girl

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 05:10

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

Thanks, now I just want to drink wine and watch Blade Runner. I should take some of the better advice and stop commenting on my thread. I'm sad that I feel I have to explain this right now, but consider that someone might be male and female, sexist and feminist, and everything else. For all you know, I'm a girl who felt so guilty about her robot smut porn that she adopted a male persona, or maybe I just enjoy hopping fetishes and loving with people. It doesn't really matter. Moriarty does bore easily, and this has played itself out I think...

holy poo poo you really are a dude lmao

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 06:23

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

hey Adama I see you reading guy, you all done rolling with those punches? scared to just admit you're a weirdo dude who pretended to be a female rape victim to support feminism?

# ¿ Apr 27, 2016 22:44

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

That Robot posted:

now where will he get his robot boners?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS3612EIcF4

# ¿ Apr 28, 2016 00:10

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Ork of Fiction posted:

I gotta be honest, it's working.

it's gotta just be a matter of time before the taxman gets bored and re-bans him. I don't think you're allowed to send DEAR RICHARDs and live.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2016 08:08

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

I've been living a lie this whole time in the name of social progress. So it's okay for me to make fun of awkward people at the gym now? You're all fat cows for not being able to run a 6 minute mile. I feel so much better now. Awww, someone thinks I'm going to leave now because they replaced my avatar with a (gaaaasp) fat girl.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb_KFpJBOUA

JessicaDupre posted:

Low Tax is like one of my professors who threatened to kill me for having a respiratory infection one week, then asked me what contagious disease I was going to give him when I came back. Then at the end of the semester he asked me on a date. Low Tax, if you're reading this, I'm not going on any dates with you. Meghan Trainor is also probably a little out of your league.

JessicaDupre posted:

No one worry. I'm here to offer support and acceptance for people with all kinds of problems, including those who feel personally offended by obesity:
http://www.aminoapps.com/page/doctor-who/4488153/doctor-who-quotes

adama why won't you come home and post? why are you a guy pretending to be a girl? why do you desperately want to post in a place that hates you and you supposedly couldn't stand?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2016 18:17

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

Truth? I can't "come home." I was kicked out of that forum with no opportunity to explain myself, the forum owner allowed rampant speculation about me afterward, and so now I'm on here calling out assholes for fun in my spare time. Congratulations. You all think you're so smart and tolerant. Go tell the others.

yeah but why are you a guy pretending to be a girl?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2016 19:51

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 11:51

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

JessicaDupre posted:

Let me come down to your level for a minute, you obsolete 1980s-style bugbot: people like you will always act on their assumptions and ignore what they don't want to believe. I could imagine all kinds of things about you, like maybe you live in your mom's basement and the closest you've ever come to a woman is a blow-up doll. Do I say them? No. Because while they seem to be true based on your behavior here, you might be completely different from the constant irritant I see on this thread. That probably means I'm not suited for this place. I gave it a shot, though.

get this dude to a hospital he's got terrible burns!!

# ¿ Apr 29, 2016 05:56

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