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military cervix posted:My wife [22/F] and I [23/M] got married 5 months ago but she still isn't ready to consummate our union yet. Woman is gonna end up in a convent, husband in a whore house.
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Oct 24, 2016 19:15
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Me Chinese me play joke Me make pee pee in your coke.
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Oct 24, 2016 20:48
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LethalGeek posted:Depending where he lives this is a slam dunk divorce and child custody deal and he should probably do that if he's not throwing the lovely old man out of the house. He's probably also going to have to if he does throw the old man out of the house tbh.
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Oct 24, 2016 23:00
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Mordja posted:Wait, she spied on her own room for an entire month? I have a webcam running 24-7 in my bedroom but it's because I like to watch videos of myself walking around in my underwear at 5 AM looking for my glasses.
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Oct 25, 2016 23:23
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loquacius posted:She's not even doing anything wrong seeing the other guy; much like Ross and Rachel were that one time, they were 'on a break' The guy is a pile of poo poo but if this woman is really concerned about appearances I think it's generally accepted that you separate before the divorce, not at some unknown point in the future after the divorce.
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Oct 25, 2016 23:36
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Troposphere posted:I was looking through the mei tag on tumblr because I main her and she is good and I saw a pic of someone sticking an icicle up her vag Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.
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Oct 26, 2016 17:47
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loquacius posted:My boyfriend (32 M) keeps putting me (23 F) down about my sexual history. I don't know what else I can do to resolve this matter? This woman is dating a literal baby.
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Oct 26, 2016 22:11
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Dial-a-Dog posted:Check this out, two people who are actually the same age I piss the bed all the time but it's because I'm drunk as poo poo. But luckily my gf is a super sound sleeper so I just drag her onto the wet spot and she wakes up later thinking she did it.
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Oct 26, 2016 22:33
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loquacius posted:I can't really fathom having to be told multiple times not to piss on the floor Well, la dee dah. Look at the queen of England here, that's never had to wade through piss in order to use the toilet at 2 AM. FYI: some people get a bit of piss on the floor because we're drunk a lot. And we're drunk a lot because we're alcoholics. And last I checked alcoholism is a disease. why don't you go make fun of type 1 diabetics for not being able to process sugars properly while you're at it, you monster.
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Nov 5, 2016 06:36
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MF_James posted:This exactly, we've talked about it (I've been with my girl for 8 years, we also dated another 2 years in college), but both agree that we could not share each other and would get jealous. I'm not a super jealous dude, but I don't think I can handle the reality of some rear end in a top hat trying to make love to her. If you love your wife and are not a sexist pig you will let other dudes pound her vag into hamburger. hth
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Nov 5, 2016 15:26
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Guys without big dicks should probably just not date at all because it sure causes a lot of problems.
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Nov 8, 2016 02:13
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TheSpiritFox posted:I l[32 f] left my Facebook open on my laptop and my dad [61 m] read the chat log between my ex husband [34 m] and I. He read very graphic sexual details and proceeded to make me feel like a deviant. I'm pretty careful about logging out of stuff in general but maybe if you live with your dad and talk to your ex about how much you enjoyed him drinking your titty milk, double check that logout button.
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Nov 8, 2016 02:47
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I call all women* beautiful and lover and boo. *that I want to gently caress or am loving.
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Nov 8, 2016 19:44
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:lol this made me really want more stories of this nature and well, I found some. More incoming, but sneak preview: Sorry, you're gonna have to gently caress grandma or it's tax fraud.
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Nov 29, 2016 23:41
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WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:My wife [30F] and I [28M] have been having issues since she was promoted at our shared workplace. He's a dick but his wife's new rules suck and sound like they're geared towards toddlers.
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Dec 7, 2016 04:00
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504 posted:We don't know how bad these rules are, even the dickhead in the story says he does not disagree with them. Yeah but he's a dickhead, what does he know? I worked at a call center where every second of your workday was digitally accounted for and we still got two 15 minute breaks and could even take a 5:01 minute poo poo without a company wide siren going off.
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Dec 7, 2016 04:36
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504 posted:Likewise, Yeah but this guy works for a bank not a building full of Crazy McMurdersons. If your workflow can't handle giving people a couple 15 minute breaks on an 8 hour shift you probably need to hire some more people.
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Dec 7, 2016 05:16
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From my experience it's not a real family BBQ unless someone shits their pants, but it's usually grandpa and he doesn't do it on purpose.
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Dec 7, 2016 17:47
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darkwasthenight posted:REAL TALK: Don't loving do this or you will end up with garlic burns. Burns in your vagina. Don't do this, seriously. What about in your butt? Asking for a friend.
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Dec 7, 2016 23:36
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Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:lol we interrupt this sweet story to bring you more reddit: I hope all the responses to this were "why are you such a massive oval office?"
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Dec 7, 2016 23:55
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No Pants posted:drat. If you're going to pay too much for a couch, at least go to Room & Board. How much is an expensive couch? I've never heard of West Elm or Room & Board. e: went to room & board. Some are expensive and some aren't bad but a lot of them don't look particularly comfortable. bird with big dick fucked around with this message at 17:06 on Dec 8, 2016 |
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Dec 8, 2016 17:03
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Lockback posted:This is a new one. At first I thought OP was just math-stupid and was amazed by someone's basic algebra skills but it gets better. Bolded some interesting parts. The first thing this woman needs to do to get her life back on track is to dump her severely retarded boyfriend. If you "work hard" at a remedial college algebra class and still can't do better than 39% there's a pretty good chance you're a total moron. Also saying you were getting a high F/low D for most of the course and then end up at 39% before the final is lol. I also don't think remembering high school math four years later quite makes you Stephen Hawking. Fixing the engine is pretty impressive, but not because it necessarily shows intelligence. More because I think very few people would have it in their nature to even try.
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Dec 8, 2016 18:39
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Lockback posted:buy broken Festiva's and replace their engines. Still a better job. I don't think the junkyard gives you extra for them just because the engine will run.
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Dec 8, 2016 18:40
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Yeah I'd say she's definitely not stupid and should be able to do massively better than walmart greeter.
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Dec 8, 2016 18:45
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WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:I [25 M] have a serious problem with my [25F] GF of a few years and her unusual bathroom habits. Gotta get up in there with a crowbar sometimes, pry that poo poo loose.
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Dec 8, 2016 21:32
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ikanreed posted:If you haven't ever had the urge, you've never been so constipated that death seems preferable. It happened to me once and I know what you're talking about. Everything eventually came out alright but I was definitely starting to wonder if that would help. This was like 5 years ago and I was working a remote camp job and I assume it was something horrible about their food that caused it.
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Dec 8, 2016 21:39
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WAY TO GO WAMPA!! posted:Me [25 M] and my GF [26 F] of 5 years, use different units for the weather (F vs C) and might be heading for a break up over it Celsius is stupid because "it's uncomfortably warm out today" and "this is an appropriate temperature to smoke a brisket" are entirely too loving close to one another.
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Dec 13, 2016 23:09
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WampaLord posted:What loving temperature are you cooking meat at, because I think it's probably way too low. I didn't say they were the same temperature, did I? The difference between a record high in Phoenix and the inside of a big green egg should be more than 57 degrees. The difference between "better being a jacket" and "it's kinda hot out" should be more than 10 degrees.
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Dec 13, 2016 23:58
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Improbable Lobster posted:I read it as "comfortably" but even then 30-40 still aren't very close to 150 You don't smoke a brisket at 150C you monster.
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Dec 13, 2016 23:59
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Better Fred Than Dead posted:12 drinks a night put you in the top 10%. The scale is coarse: top 20% is 14 drinks a week. Top 10% is 78 drinks a week. I was doing 8-9 shots a day at the end of my drinking career. You guys have to figure body weight somewhere into this calculation. The average 350 pound GBS poster doesn't feel the same affects having a six pack as a normal sized person.
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Dec 16, 2016 14:10
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The effectiveness and ease of use of a snowblower depends entirely on how much you spend on it. A little $300 electric pile of poo poo will probably be stymied by anything worse than 3" of dry snow and is basically just a glorified shovel. A $1500 snowblower will have an engine the size of a small motorcycle and happily plow through slush, waist high snow, tree branches, and medium sized dogs. It'll have little triggers that stop one wheel so you don't have to use your own muscles to turn the thing. It'll have a joystick that controls the direction and distance that it throws the snow so you can pretend you're Luke shooting down a TIE while you're flinging as much snow as possible into the bed of your neighbors pick up because why won't he just park the goddamned thing in his driveway instead of on the street in front of your house. It may even have heated hand grips that keep your gloveless hands oh so toasty so who cares if they give you an electric shock once in a while. I lived in SE Alaska for 6 years and with a $1500 snowblower, I actually enjoyed doing it. If I had a 150' driveway I'd probably just buy a four wheeler with a plow blade though. e: now that it think of it, a good snow blower would still be fine for 150'. That's only 8 or 9 car lengths. gently caress shoveling that much by hand though. I've also seen people roll their plow blade 4 wheeler out of the garage for a 40' driveway though, but I always assume they probably used to have a 300' driveway and moved. bird with big dick fucked around with this message at 19:59 on Dec 16, 2016 |
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Dec 16, 2016 19:46
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504 posted:Jesus gently caress, I take one day off work and you losers have 5 major derails in as many pages? Snow removal is an important and interesting topic.
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Dec 16, 2016 20:02
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flick my Mr. Bean posted:My wife and I just make sure we've cleared it with each other before we spend any money. That sounds loving horrible.
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Dec 25, 2016 20:18
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ArbitraryC posted:I dunno that super reads to me as an incredibly one sided story. I can't imagine being super sick and going out to the market for a single item on the grocery list instead of eating w/e was around much less being incredibly sick and pregnant and doing it. I'm super sick but capable of going to the store but not capable of going to the kitchen and operating the toaster.
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Dec 29, 2016 16:32
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Dial-a-Dog posted:I'm willing to believe that the kind of guy who eats a third of a loaf of bread in two minutes, and uses "I need to take a shower" as an excuse not to do something at 11 AM is a lazy fatbody. The guy is definitely the main villain but the wife seems likely to not be a real peach as well. In his defense, if he's retarded enough to not know the difference between chicken soup and chicken stock, the wife should have known this long before and made plans to fend for herself at all times since the husband is obviously completely useless and likely to remain that way.
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Dec 29, 2016 16:40
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B sized boobies on a thin/fit/normal woman are awesome but B sized boobies on a woman that's 30 pounds overweight usually is not a good look. So if she's fit then she's a monster and has destroyed something beautiful. If she's fat then I don't really blame her.
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Dec 29, 2016 17:44
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Pvt.Scott posted:I legit feel bad for big ladies with tiny breasts. You poor, poor women. You lost the genetic lottery on that one. Your literal, dedicated fat deposits have betrayed you.  God is cruel sometimes.
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Dec 29, 2016 18:33
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feels bad, man.
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Gluten Freeman posted:hmmm what could "distinctive recessive traits" possibly mean.... Attached earlobes and thin lips.
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Jan 9, 2017 06:20
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Not knowing how to boil pasta seems like it's in between not knowing how to do laundry, and not knowing how to wipe your own rear end. Closer to wiping your rear end though.
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Jan 10, 2017 03:41
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Uncle Enzo posted:What the hell? ? ? Don't do it her dumb way though with a pretend funeral. Just get up before your wife and let her find you sprawled motionless on the kitchen floor.
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Jan 10, 2017 04:54
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