2019-2023 Marine Thread: Maybe the 2017 Army thread with a new coat of paint

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > 2019-2023 Marine Thread: Maybe the 2017 Army thread with a new coat of paint

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Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

If only the Elcan SpecterDR wasn't heavy as a loving brick and costs almost as much as if you'd made it out of solid 24k gold.

# ¿ Jan 5, 2017 07:28

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 02:23

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Whipped Buttcheeks posted:

Would Korea be worth it without the curfew?

I'd probably die on the return flight midway over the Pacific as the cumulative hangover hit me. So... yes?

# ¿ Jan 17, 2017 03:49

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

TPSDude posted:

Dude, surplus M9s.

Not if you paid me.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2017 04:14

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

mlmp08 posted:

e: ^^night-fire C-RAM in hazy weather is boss as hell

I'm pretty sure you'd have to go back to WW2 for US Army ADA aircraft kills. Israel nabbed a drone or two and a Syrian SU-24 with Patriot a little while back.

And CIA-sourced ADA shot down a lot of things

Speaking of ADA, the community and big Army at large are looking at all the poo poo going on right now and super-rapidly going "welp, let's get Stingers back up and into the forces loving NOW until we have a new system in place."

The (probably classified, probably poo poo I shouldn't even know about) stories I could tell about 6-52, oh boy. Especially the Stingers part, although I probably wouldn't have almost poo poo myself laughing so hard if the Norks had more than some spit-and-twine'd biplanes you could down with a Kentucky windage'd 50.

# ¿ Feb 10, 2017 04:38

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

things ive done as a medic to pay for college:
-swab multiple dicks and i became very well versed in the ancient art of sticking plastic tubes in dicks
-stick a gloved lubed index finger into multiple buttholes of dudes brought in for heat cat
-frozen genital warts off a dudes dick

you dont do this poo poo on a helicopter

-Made an epidemiological STD map for my PA in Korea
-Scheduled about 1 in 5 female soldiers for prenatal poo poo, also in Korea
-Had to "rod someone off the range" at least once a week
-Watched the deliberate malicious actions of leadership at all levels result in enough permanently disabled soldiers to fill a company-sized element over the course of my enlistment

psydude posted:

I like all of the terrifying medical poo poo that the Army potentially makes you endure.

Heat casualty? Ice in uncomfortable places. Chemical attack? Needle directly into your femur.

e: I would probably never be able to get over my doubts of the efficacy of the chemical warfare epipen and wind up dying horribly from a nerve agent as I contemplated firing a spike into my leg.

Atropine pens are like a couple minute bandaid at best plus hey now you've got a punctured suit so might as well pop that valium autopen too so you at least don't give too much of a poo poo while you seize, poo poo and piss yourself, and eventually die because the chemical signaling telling your respiratory system to work is disabled.

# ¿ Feb 11, 2017 06:51

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

psydude posted:

I'm actually surprised the Iraqi army didn't bother dumping its chemical weapons into the coalition forces in 1991/2003 knowing that they were hosed anyway.

There's a profound difference between getting your rear end kicked up between your ears and the point where you provoke the entire US military to scourge your country to the loving bedrock. Someone starts wholesale dropping VX, sarin, tabun, even mustard gas on me and you might as well rename the campaign as the 10th Crusade.

# ¿ Feb 11, 2017 07:10

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Kick-Puncher posted:

I have literally never heard anyone call air assault fun. I would describe it as a waste of time, many others would describe it as loving stupid. Although compared to airborne maybe a step up.

I loving loved air assault and pre-(insert random "cool guy" school here, Ranger/Lightfighter/RASP/SFAS/etc), that poo poo gave me so much time away from dumb gay poo poo to just sit in the back of my FLA and read while occasionally handing out meds or IVs.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2017 01:13

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

By the time I was voluntold for level 1 I had sat on my hands through probably half a dozen level 2 classes in case somebody got knocked out (2), got their face/hand/etc split open (12ish?), or managed to make a finger or toe go in a direction it wasn't supposed to (3). Last couple times I got bored enough to be the teaching dummy (instructor was a really cool, chill dude) or rolled with someone to even numbers out, so I had fun tying people into pretzels throughout my class. Last day we did at the fight house at Drum where all the level 2 and up poo poo was taught, so "luckily" we got to do clinch drills and all the other fun stuff with a bunch of douchebag level 2 students. My guy (who I had 4" and 50lbs on) managed to tag me while we did close the distance, decent right hook that was unexpected enough that he got another couple of hits in that I only know of from secondhand accounts. Right about the time he's getting his jabs in, my brain hits the "gently caress it" button and I just wrap him up and drive him into the (padded) wall hard enough to crack the drywall underneath near to the ceiling and the dude drops like a sack of potatoes as he tries to get his air back.

I wonder if that crack is still there on the front wall.

# ¿ Mar 3, 2017 11:21

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Lord forgive me, for I am about to sin.

Aranan posted:

I guess I'm a shamming shitbag because I came in as E-4 and I'm getting out as E-4(P).

# ¿ Mar 6, 2017 23:14

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Zeris posted:

lol MTOE

MTOE aka manning levels that never actually happen and you're getting twice the amount of equipment that meets half the requirements because 3/4 of it is loving broken.

Do twice the amount of bullshit with half the people you need and a quarter the gear, then get poo poo on because your PSG/PL can't gargle your 1SG's/CO's balls enough by bumping it up to triple the amount of bullshit, 1SG/CO can't manage the extra bit of tongue for the CSM/BC, on and on up the chain of NCOER/OER bullets that have been hyperinflated with worthless poo poo worse than the Zimbabwe dollar.

TBeats posted:

if we ever get forced back in im gonna be the biggest shitbag you ever seen

# ¿ Mar 8, 2017 07:46

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

A Bad Poster posted:

and he backed down.

You had me up until this point, but I have to call bullshit here.

# ¿ Mar 8, 2017 09:22

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

I've always enjoyed watching and listening to the rain when I don't have to do anything or be anywhere, but there's something extra special about it now. I get this warm glow thinking of all the dumb bastards stuck doing stupid poo poo like digging fighting positions while it's pissing out then being expected to have all their gear spotless for the layout that's scheduled for day 0 recovery because reasons, despite everything looking like it was soaked in the aftermath of Tubgirl for a month.

Aranan posted:

SMDFTB if you're still in.

# ¿ Mar 31, 2017 20:02

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

IT BEGINS!

# ¿ Apr 5, 2017 02:39

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

basically i'm probably the only dude in the army that lost weight by getting out

Lost 50lbs of fat and put most of that back on as muscle just because I can cook/eat what the gently caress I want and lift instead of playing meat slinky with everything south of my neck. Normally I wouldn't laugh at somebody being jacked up from dumb Army poo poo, but holy gently caress did I laugh like a hyena when a friend messaged me about how hosed up my old PSG was now. Eat a barrel of horse dicks you brown-nosing HIPAA-violating hypocritical profile-ignoring mountain of putrid poo poo.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2017 06:32

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Hillary Clintons Thong posted:

the cooking part is probably huge because you couldn't have poo poo in the barracks aside from a microwave aka king of healthy food production

The only poo poo I miss is the breakfast since there's no way in gently caress I'm enough of a human being in the morning to cook hot food. Grab and go style half dozen hard-boiled eggs from the fridge with salt and pepper, Greek yogurt cup, protein shake, and a bagel or some other carb source is about as good as you're going to get from me. Hell, that's still healthier than 100% of the poo poo I ate off the Big Green's dime.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2017 07:35

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

If it's been filled somewhere, anywhere, then the DEA system will have it recorded. Even if that entire hospital along with every copy of the script get wiped off the face of the earth tomorrow, there will still be a record of it in the fed ledger tagged with the provider's DEA number. You could say jack poo poo until a UPL comes up, state you've got the script, and while they might try to pull some poo poo they won't be able to touch you for the Percs.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2017 15:26

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

bird food bathtub posted:

You seem to be operating on the assumption that they would do absolutely any sort of extra effort like looking that up before deciding to nail someone's ball to the wall and loving up their life with paper work. If the green weenie wants to come around the second part of that will happen no matter what and it will be on him to force the first part to happen out of self defense. It is the way of the army.

My point was that while they can put you through a bunch of asspain and headaches, after that poo poo gets put in the DEA logs they can't actually hit you with poo poo for the opiates you're legally prescribed. Again that's like worst case scenario after he's notified his battalion PA and chain about everything, but someone has a super stiffy for trying to gently caress him and get him gigged for drugs.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2017 17:40

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

psydude posted:

Running actually doesn't bother my bulged discs (in fact I usually feel better after). Now, deadlifts and squats? Absolutely. I basically can't do anything fun at the gym anymore and am relegated to doing lunges and body squats with kettle bells if I want a leg workout.

Yeah if your discs are already compromised to begin with any spinal loading is going to massively exacerbate it. Which is lovely, since building up your core (isometrically, not dumbshit sit-ups) and posterior chain through exercises that produce progressive overload can actually prevent a whole lot of back problems later on in life. And that's besides the natural side effect of gradually refining technique with both, which teaches you proper breathing/bracing as well as body mechanics.

# ¿ May 1, 2017 16:33

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

mlmp08 posted:

I went rock climbing over the weekend and 2 one hour sessions has made my back feel better than 2 weeks of physical therapy. Bodies are weird.

Eh, not that weird if you understand the underlying concepts involved. Something as simple as using your body in the kind of natural movements it evolved for over hundreds of thousands of years can do wonders. You end up using every major muscle in your back and arms responsible for pulling plus all of the little stabilizers and synergists like the sock of muscle around your scapulae, and the stretching and decompression of your spine probably didn't hurt either. Proper biomechanics coupled with attention to balancing opposing muscle groups can make an eye-opening difference in both heading off future problems and solving or alleviating present ones.

E: Besides, y'know, not doing dumb Army poo poo that will gently caress you up regardless.

# ¿ May 1, 2017 17:04

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

MurderBot posted:

During my TCCC course this week our instructors were pretty cool dudes, was able to get some motivation in the group and one of the students was a prior 10th mountain medic who let out a HOOAAAAAH at one point during the training.

I had an anger stroke

Not the kind that involves a dick either

Probably from the loving BSB, too. Now I feel worse just by post/MOS association.

# ¿ May 13, 2017 07:10

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Counterpoint: North Carolina is being run by a bunch of loving unhinged, unapologetically and openly poo poo-flinging retarded racist monkeys. Anyone that isn't basically an industrial hog farmer can see the people at the wheel are steaming full speed ahead and are busy figuring out how to get the gently caress out of Dodge with all of their money and businesses. I'm pretty sure if the research triangle could physically pick their ball up and go somewhere else, they'd be gone faster than you could blink.

# ¿ May 17, 2017 00:17

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

So is Vahakyla the new bluesquares?

# ¿ May 21, 2017 05:40

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

I honestly felt bad for the guys at Drum during field exercises in the middle of winter. You've got the choice of whatever lovely hooch or cement slab you can manage, or you can be toasty warm on a cot in a buttoned up FLA while listening to my demented chainsaw peel paint off the plywood walls.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2017 06:12

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Wasabi the J posted:

Get muscular and your shoulders won't hurt from side sleeping. (This isn't a "you're a weak bitch"post, it was more of a "I didn't realize it till I put on some muscle mass.")

Or get a better pillow/bed. I love my Yogabed.

And putting a pillow between your legs is actually really good for spinal alignment and back pain.

My shoulders don't hurt from side sleeping anymore, but now it feels like it's torquing my lumbar spine because I'm shaped like an upside down triangle. gently caress.

I really need to get a sleep study done, find where the gently caress my medical records are with the complaints of snoring/headaches/lethargy/etc and hit the VA up about it. lovely side bonus is I don't have to try super hard to get chicks to go the gently caress home at the end of the the night, just play a recording of me snoring on my sound system and the point gets made.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2017 23:31

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

spacetoaster posted:

Are you already in the system? If so call your local VA provider for an appointment, complain that your wife says you stop breathing at night (or you feel tired all day), and have him set you up for a sleep study. Go to the sleep study.

You can argue, on appeal, that conditions you saw a doctor for after you ETS'd are related to your military service (just so long as it isn't more than a year or so since you got out).

Also, if you have any buddies who were in with you, and heard you snoring/stopping breathing/whatever, they can do a witness statement that counts as evidence. There's even an official VA form for witness testimony on injuries.

Here it is for you: https://www.vba.va.gov/pubs/forms/VBA-21-4138-ARE.pdf

Find a buddy who still remembers you snoring your rear end off and have him fill it out (if you need the evidence).

*edit* I've helped two old vets get their benefits due to getting those witness statements from other Soldiers who were there when they got injured. One was a broken nose (that hosed up his breathing) in the first day of the invasion of Iraq, that he never got treated because it was a loving war.

That form is actually exactly what I need, I'm pretty sure one of my other medic friends still has the FB video where we pulled an overnight for Lightfighter. poo poo was echoing in the FLA, felt bad for him and strung up a tarp the next night.

# ¿ Jun 24, 2017 00:11

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Mike-o posted:

Can't besmirch the good name of ~~AAFES EMPLOYEES~~ former juicy girls.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2017 03:25

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Vahakyla posted:

I can't wait to have a goon platoon in a ditch together somewhere in Ukraina/Alaska/Hindu Kush freezing to death, Army Threading it in real time, in full MOPP.

Those two things do not belong together. Even JSLIST is no joke, old ghetto MOPP4 with full kit on top is going to make you sweat like a chaplain in the middle of a 40-man shower bay. poo poo could give somebody heat stroke in a snowstorm.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2017 06:08

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

tastefully arranged labia posted:

MOPP4 was the closest I will ever get to the feeling of wearing a spacesuit.

I've got distinct memories of MOPP4 that were probably the closest I've ever been to dying. Middle of the Korean summer, 90F+ and 100% humidity, MOPP'd the gently caress out with full kit and my truck bag on, sitting in the back of a buttoned-up (turned off) FLA. For over an hour.

"Oh, hey, we forgot you were in there. Yeah they told us like half an hour ago to stand down for the chemical exercise and let the Koreans handle it."

My MOPP suit was soaking wet, uniform top and bottoms were wet completely through, my boots looked like I'd thrown them into a bucket and forgotten them for a day, and I poured probably 2-3 inches of the foulest gray stinking sweat water out of my MOPP boots. It took 3 full 1L NS bags and a 3L CamelBak to get me to piss.

gently caress that poo poo forever.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2017 06:25

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Soulex posted:

The people that are like "no appointments during PT hours" are loving idiots. You do realize that I'm not gonna wait a month or whatever for a slot after 9AM.

Same with haircuts. Army says I have to do it, so I'm gonna do it on their time.

"You're a soldier 24/7!"

"Go gently caress yourself."

# ¿ Aug 4, 2017 06:13

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

It's like Vahakyla is the Ghost of Christmas Past, Mustang is the Present, and the rest of us are Future.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2017 01:37

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Whipped Buttcheeks posted:

To be fair the Army today is pretty different than it was when the wars were in full swing. He'll probably have a blast in Italy and do a couple of exercises in Eastern Europe and be done.

Hey, don't ruin us ruining this for him.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2017 17:17

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

I'm a little hesitant to trust that USAWTFM has found some journalistic standards lately, but man reading that poo poo about the RN 1LT who got set on fire is unreal. We might actually have a competitor for McNallys' lifetime's worth of bullshit.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2017 19:44

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Soulex posted:

Link?

https://www.armywtfmoments.com/2017/08/toxic-command-us-army-ignores-nurses-yearlong-pleas-help/

# ¿ Aug 13, 2017 02:28

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

That av is loving beautiful.

# ¿ Aug 23, 2017 06:30

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Genocide Tendency posted:

They quarantined the flight I started in just after they transferred me. The whole flight. Because everyone caught this horrid strain of mono/pneumonia/flu/plague. They put me in a temp flight just to grad and go to TS and I spent the last week sleeping in the DI's office and not allowed to be with in 5 feet of everyone just so I didn't spread it.

I thought everyone being sick was the way it always worked. Is that not right?

Think about how loving massive the US is, how diverse the environments and populations are, etc. You take sample populations from every corner of the most diverse country on the planet with all their attendant variants and strains of whatever horrid poo poo, smash them all together in lovely little barracks, breathing and sleeping and showering and everything right on top of each other. Reception and Basic are like giant unholy biowarfare breeder reactors. I'm pretty sure whatever hosed up poo poo I caught there followed me through AIT, since every once in a while I'd hack up some tan-colored poo poo that looked disturbingly like a chunk of lung.

# ¿ Aug 25, 2017 07:59

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

mlmp08 posted:

There's a really grisly account of some kids who died to WP wounds (can't recall what country deployed it) and they put the corpses in a bucket of water to stop the flames. Hours later, they pulled the corpses out and they reignited, because WP reacts with air and not water. Dead is dead, but holy poo poo, that must be crazy for a hospital worker to deal with.

That's why you pray to God it's been raining like a motherfucker, because the only thing stopping that poo poo is wet mud.

# ¿ Sep 25, 2017 21:16

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Soulex posted:

Yeah, the stupid separate the smart and isolate them for not also being stupid.

"What!? You don't enjoy coming into work on the weekends to escape your lovely family situation?!"

You're not a real NCO unless you're keeping your joes at work until 1900 because you don't want to go home.

# ¿ Oct 9, 2017 05:54

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

DoktorLoken posted:

It’s (the prototype) a nice looking uniform but there’s no reason why the ASUs can’t look good; remove some extra pieces of flair and wear the service cap instead of the beret.

The ASU is a cheap, ugly eyesore of a polyester suit that is only good for burning somewhere very far downwind. I know most enlisted sure as gently caress wouldn't know the first thing about a good suit, but it still hurts to look at much less wear.

# ¿ Oct 10, 2017 02:34

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

Triggs posted:

If anybody wants to feel better about themselves just know that I'm stuck at Ft. Drum until Monday because our contract plane out of here is stuck in Japan or something. We were supposed to be out of here tomorrow.

Well it's not like you'll be stuck there even if it's whiteout conditions and -70°F with wind chill. Ask me about almost dying on the flight line.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2017 21:16

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# ¿ May 2, 2024 02:23

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

January vacation to JRTC standing in front of the plane for 10 minutes waiting for the bag truck to roll up while wearing a PT hat, pair of Mechanix, that poo poo elastic neck slinkie that didn't do anything, and the soft (level 3?) cold weather top over a regular uniform. I felt like I was dying until we started hauling rear end and hucking duffels halfway up the bag ramp just to get some blood flowing. It had been a high of like -15 that day, it was some godawful hour in the middle of the night so probably -30ish, and wind that felt like sideways gravity. Literally in the middle of a blizzard.

Walk onto the plane after everyone's loaded up and the bunch of dickless fucks with rank couldn't even leave us the front rows.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2017 21:57

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > 2019-2023 Marine Thread: Maybe the 2017 Army thread with a new coat of paint

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