| who's there who? | |
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May 3, 2017 10:14
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:48 |
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| Cash Cab Calloway | |
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May 3, 2017 14:02
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| it's like Cash Cab, but instead of climbing into a taxi, you look on the streets for a man in a zoot suit, and instead of giving you money for answering his trivia questions, you ask him if he is Cab Calloway | |
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May 3, 2017 14:08
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mrbradlymrmartin posted:
q: excuse me sir; surprise! you're on Cash Cab Calloway. are you Cab Calloway? a: ooh! i know this one. no, i'm not Cab Calloway. q: you lose. give me all your money a: but it was right and i win mo- q: give me all your money |
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May 3, 2017 15:49
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your idea is good but making a joke about it was hard, cause it's implausible any tv hosts would recognise a cab calloway song 
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May 3, 2017 16:06
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| thread about a circus strongman but instead of lifting a barbell or tearing a phone book in half, he is strong enough to work in retail, take his meds regularly, actually return voicemail messages etc. | |
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Aug 16, 2017 17:24
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ways the ocean is like a vagina: * it is the origin of life * wet * i tell my friends i'm excited about it but secretly fear it * crabs |
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Sep 3, 2017 18:12
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DavidAlltheTime posted:You forgot barnacles. ....the ocean has barnacles too? |
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Sep 3, 2017 18:42
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| friend of mine had his bachelor party and a stripper came. no barnacles whatsoever. hosed up beauty standards these days imo | |
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Sep 3, 2017 19:12
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Twenty Four posted:Shotgunning beers? Weak. At my parties we slingshot them. Fill up water balloons with beer and use those giant elastic water balloon launchers to fire beer balloons directly into your mouth. bro. you won't believe the sick kegger this weekend. my main man dave, he's finally combined his life's two great passions: beer, and big red fire trucks. |
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Sep 9, 2017 14:26
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| my weekend? it got a bit crazy. you remember that old toy the slip 'n' slide? to cut a long story short, i have a yeast infection | |
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Sep 9, 2017 14:28
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| descriptions of people that somebody wants you to recognise but the descriptions are of things that are weird and abstract and/or not immediately apparent at sight | |
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Sep 21, 2017 12:22
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| his name is John, you'll know him when you see him. loves the smell of his own farts, heart on the wrong side of his body | |
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Sep 21, 2017 12:26
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troll: say that to my face fucker not online, see what happens me: oh yeah??? meet me in the wal-mart parking lot, five to five. punk rear end bitch troll: you'll know it's me, cause i'm your worst nightmare  me: (staring at my wardrobe) the one about drowning? the one about the wet beagle on my linens???? free Trapt CD fucked around with this message at 15:39 on Sep 21, 2017 |
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Sep 21, 2017 15:28
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Jedrick posted:The concept of Rock and Roll lays in a hospital bed in a vegetative state, hooked up to an impressive array of various life support machines. Despite the pleading of Dr. Feelgood, Neil Young sternly refuses to sign the consent forum. ext., night, snowy: our lady of the foxes hospital camera pans back to reveal it is a snowglobe held by a young black-haired boy in wraparound sunglasses, who slowly rocks back and forth his mother: doctor, i'm worried. roy never says anything much at all doctor: he's a nut. crazy in a coconut. that boy needs therapy a tear slowly falls out the lower brim of roy's sunglasses fade out to the tune of 'in dreams' put this in youre sig if you're the 1% of teens who still listens to REAL rock and roll |
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Sep 24, 2017 10:31
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| time travel novel abt my future self coming back in time to save my life.... by stopping me from writing this lovely, embarrassing book | |
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Oct 6, 2017 17:42
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"don't do it", said the dying precog as i cradled her in my comforting yet rugged arms. then i said, "don't do WHAT?", because of the blood, which was a big clue that she was dying fast. she grabbed my head and drew me in close to whisper, into my ear: "the critics will all say your dialogue is wooden like an uncomfortable chair at a cheap restaurant... you'll be nominated for a participation award at the nebulas... your grandparents will read it and discover your detailed opinions about group sex"... and then, confused, i sadly watched the life drain out of her eyes, because she died, then. |
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Oct 6, 2017 17:53
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got any sevens posted:dog crew during a mutiny: too sleepy/ self-licking preoccupied to join in. air bud 1905: battleship puptemkin |
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Oct 20, 2017 11:28
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:A ball bounces down the steps and 500 dogs run after it |
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Oct 21, 2017 14:43
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applying for mall santa job & lying on the resume e: santa claus applying for mall santa job & lying on the resume |
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Nov 4, 2017 17:05
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Grandmother of Five posted:Watching a quick draw lazer stand-off competition which is what old timey boxing has now evolved into; two identical mulatto-skinned athletes squaring off, skillfully and harmlessly tracing the outline of each other with their lazer-pens; my mouth opening and closing silently as i watch, futilely trying work my way towards expressing a sentiment of dissatisfaction that I can't just place - all my identical-looking great grandkid+ who are frozen in their mid-twenties looking aghast and apologetically at their partners each time I look like I'm about to speak, Finally, i say: "the.... scoring system... seems stupid to me" - everybody doing a big sigh of relief |
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Dec 5, 2017 17:21
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| guy who chases a ghost out of his house like it's a stray cat | |
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Nov 1, 2021 17:18
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git! git. go on and skedaddle on out of here. you little rascal. begone with you e: brandishing a broom etc |
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Nov 1, 2021 17:22
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Karate Bastard posted:Cats are like ghosts in that if you just throw out the fish or bones or whatever into the driveway you can slam the door behind them when they dart out ONE NIGHT I forget to weigh down the trash can lid and of course the next morning there's weegie boards and ventriloquist's dummies scattered all over the dang patio |
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Nov 1, 2021 17:41
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Karate Bastard posted:My cat keeps bringing poltergeists into the house |
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Nov 1, 2021 17:55
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frump truck posted:i want to be creamated (buried in ice cream) jen and bury's |
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Nov 13, 2021 13:05
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| All-you-should-eat buffet | |
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Nov 22, 2021 07:20
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free Trapt CD posted:All-you-should-eat buffet All-you-can't-eat buffet (mostly rocks) |
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Nov 22, 2021 08:25
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Karate Bastard posted:Hired security with 12 gauge pump action airsofts, ready to handle those succumbing to temptation, loaded with epipens. I think I read a book about this. Dante's inferno? |
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Nov 22, 2021 10:32
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Dip Viscous posted:all you do eat buffet an old proverb posted:naw girl... i'm on that mac and cheese diet. |
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Nov 23, 2021 16:50
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Bright Bart posted:A clueless detective kind of like Columbo except he really doesn't know what he's doing and the reader of the stories is left wanting to throw a brick at something when he never puts two and two together. Oh, just one more thing, Mr Gacy: you said the last time you saw the victim, they were on their way to the bathroom. But, see, here's the thing: I've been looking all over, and as far as I can tell there's no bathroom in this house! ...What's that? Down the hall, turn left, first door on the right after the three paintings of clowns? You don't say! Well then I'd better let you get on your way, especially since I've been waiting for hours to 'report in' to 'headquarters'.
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Dec 6, 2021 18:00
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SUNDAY sunday SUNDAY at the METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART PREPARE YOURSELF for an rear end KICKING (rear end KICKING) at the hands of a FIVE HUNDRED YEAR OLD DUTCH DUDE TREMBLE IN FEAR at the sight of KINGS AND QUEENS OF ANTIQUITY rendered in DELICATE CHIAROSCURO CRACK OPEN AN ICE COLD NATTY LITE WITH YOUR BUDDIES in a stunningly observed Vermeer painting of merchant society parties CATCH IT OR ELSE!!! MONSTERS OF CLASSICAL PORTRAITURE |
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Dec 29, 2021 04:36
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:48 |
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| JEAN-MICHEL BASQUIAT IS GONNA MAKE YOU HIS BITCH. | |
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Dec 29, 2021 04:40
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