Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

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Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I hosed the virus

# ¿ Jan 21, 2020 20:50

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 07:22

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

The Bananana posted:

But there is no god.

We are all just reverberations of our particles.

God is real he told me so in confidence

# ¿ Jan 25, 2020 02:51

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

TOOT BOOT posted:

I'm skeptical, people were freaking out about Ebola too and it wasn't that bad outside of Africa. This is also like one dude with 3k followers and doesn't have a checkmark.

I got Ebola and it was pathetic just so weak. I owned the Ebola and moved on. I'm ready to freak the crap out of this one too my tickets for China are ready

# ¿ Jan 25, 2020 07:13

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

It's all going to be ok

# ¿ Jan 25, 2020 08:22

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Foul Ole Ron posted:

That's what a line out of the world war z book... A line that scared a chinese docter about how hosed they were.

Gents, it's brown trousers time.

That book sucks

# ¿ Jan 25, 2020 08:27

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I'm ready to die but it seems to be odd, that bleeding is better than breathing to God.

# ¿ Jan 25, 2020 09:44

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I created the virus

# ¿ Jan 27, 2020 22:49

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This man is a menace first Kobe now this who will stop him?

All these things were done with no malice it's not my fault they turned out poorly

# ¿ Jan 27, 2020 22:53

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Fartbox posted:

Even as we speak, there could be a rogue chinese in close proximity to your person

The only solution is to go up to every Asian person and ask: "So are ya Chinese or Japanese."

# ¿ Jan 28, 2020 11:27

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Fumble posted:

Is this real?

http://wjw.hubei.gov.cn/fbjd/dtyw/202001/t20200129_2015921.shtml

I can't read it

# ¿ Jan 28, 2020 23:51

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Alan Smithee posted:

Has anyone died outside of China

Technically I did, but I was just dying in your arms tonight

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 00:41

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Biohazard posted:

I texted a buddy who, without saying what he does, is in a position to know a bunch about this and how it's being tracked, and I asked him if we're all hosed and he said we'd be fine. But that's all he said, so uhhh, I dunno.

Your friend is the virus itself, don't trust him

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 00:43

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Chief McHeath posted:

https://www.espn.com/mens-college-basketball/story/_/id/28586426/two-miami-ohio-hoops-games-postponed-coronavirus-investigation

Kobe murdered by coronavirus confirmed

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 00:49

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Fojar38 posted:

Have Chinese officials considered arresting the virus and moving it to an undisclosed location where they can elicit a confession, or sending in soldiers to shoot the viruses until they disperse?

They're having intercourse with the virus as we speak

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 01:03

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Good news, the virus contacted me, personally, and told me all goons will be spared

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 01:49

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

We will live like kings

There will be a punch bowl next to the paper napkins and we will have pigs in the blanket

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 01:53

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

QuarkJets posted:

More optimal to not get it all, wash your hands frequently and don't touch your face

What if you wsnt to wash your face

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 02:20

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Thread I got a slight headache I have the virus anyone in the Philly area can come over and bring Campbell's soup

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 02:42

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Despera posted:

1918 had a 5% fatality rate

How bad can a global pandemic be if we make a friend along the way?

I dont know about 1918 but no one in my showing of 1917 died

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:05

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Peachfart posted:

Anyone panicking about this is dumb. If you are so bored you need to fantasize about this virus killing us all, go for a hike or something.

I'm not panicking honestly the virus is a moron

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:18

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

WorldsStongestNerd posted:

And yet, bacteria are considered alive.

Actually

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:22

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Many bacteria died and are not alive anymore so that is a Wrong statement

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:22

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Tree Bucket posted:

That's literally what happens, isn't it? Viruses work by rewriting your DNA to turn your cells into virus-factories. So the virus is entering its initials, which are GACTACGAGACTAGATTCA...

Actually virus can't write they have no hands or brains

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:27

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Charlz Guybon posted:

I think this a good article on the subject of viral life or unlife

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-viruses-alive-2004/

You're mistaken those are cucumbers

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:35

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

RandomBlue posted:

Negative. I am a predatory chemistry.

I tested positive for your predatory chemistry

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:43

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Wuhan virus canceled for being a predator

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:45

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

coronavirus posted:

yeah. this didn't happen.

It did

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:53

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

toggle posted:

no one likes this dangerous wuhan goo

I'm not sure toggle

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 03:58

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

coronavirus posted:

so it turns out you dont have a goddamn idea what you are talking about

I'm in charge

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 04:16

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Anonymous Zebra posted:

So I have a couple of buddies in the NIH and CDC back from grad school days and the basic gist they've told me is that the Chinese Central Government likely sat on this too long, which is why the pathogen has managed to spread so badly within the epicenter and throughout the country.

However, they don't think other countries are going to have the same issues because everyone else is isolating cases very quickly and are making the populace aware of the situation. They're not convinced asymptomatic people are actually capable of spreading the virus, and even if they are such people have never been the drivers of epidemics in previous scenarios. What they think is actually happening is that people are either hiding symptoms or suppressing them with medication and were thus spreading the virus that way.

So far, they're seeing the US infected are recovering pretty easily, and that it likely is a nasty cold for most people who don't have preexisting conditions.

So, in short, China's knee jerk reaction to downplay the disease combined with their dense public transport, and highly mobile holiday population likely hosed them, but it is unlikely the disease will be able to get going in other places now that everyone is aware of it.

So it's settled, I will travel to the airport and sit at the terminals for planes from China to pick up this exciting new virus and spread it so my coworkers can take off as it will only be a bad cold.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2020 02:31

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

News just in, the virus killed everyone already and this is round two! Don't let it kill this afterlife like it did your first life!

# ¿ Jan 30, 2020 10:32

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

slap me and kiss me posted:

One of the big vectors of transmission is fomite, which is everywhere when someone's hacking up their lungs. Tossing a body into a bag and burning it all up makes sure there's no risk that your funeral home and mourners don't get infected.

I didn't realize Fortnite was that bad

# ¿ Feb 2, 2020 05:56

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Shaocaholica posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZp6Cw2m4nw

Turns out it was a false alarm he just nutted really hard

# ¿ Feb 5, 2020 04:48

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Burt Sexual posted:

I’m second guessing my super expensive trip rn

Stay safe Burt

# ¿ Feb 5, 2020 05:37

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Haramstufe Rot posted:

Here is my organizational analysis:

1. The CCP mishandled the current crisis because it is institutionally bad at such things. The CCP is a hierarchical bureaucracy, which means that lower ranks conform to decorum, "number goals" and misinformation vis-a-vis higher ranks, because that keeps the superiors happy. Related, the CCP is fascist, which means that there is no interest on any level to release information that would implicate higher ranks, in particular Xi himself. The higher it goes, the more equivalent these ranks become with the "goodness" and viability of the whole organization (viewed internally). The higher the rank, the more it (and even the person) acts as embodied principle and philosophy of China. China is, essentially, unable to blame anything on the actions of the subsequent higher rank in the hierarchy because that is essentially treason. Since China is unwilling to admit to any mistakes (again, in personal union with Xi), the following holds: Local governments do not want to release information, as responsibility can only fall on their actions alone, and even that is considered a personal affront to all other Chinese.
It is thus entirely reasonable to assume that any link in the chain of hierarchies tried to suppress the magnitude of the crisis until they got summarily supplanted by subsequent superiors.
And so, there was no effective reaction to the outbreak for two months.

2. The more the crisis grows, the stronger the reaction. In particular, the reaction now will probably be pretty strong. This because this crisis has reached the international stage. Blame will fall on Xi, and, because fascism, on China and everyone in it. The top ranks therefore will be willing to institute strong and immediate measures, while ALSO cheating the numbers. They will also be able to do so, as internal blame flows downwards, inasmuch as responsibility flows upwards the hierarchy, and everyone has an incentive to actually solve this crisis once the superior is involved! Once Xi is actually informed and involved, his inferiors will suddenly be surprisingly efficient and vigilant. Of course, Xi will still lie to the WHO as best as possible.
In the future, this will not change. Information gets played down until it can't. Then things get done.

Therefore, two things are probably true at the same time:

First, China has mishandled the current outbreak and put not only its population, but the entire world in peril.

Second, China has instituted gargantuan measures of containment that would not be possible elsewhere. It may or may no t be able to contain the outbreak, but from a certain point onward, it may be argued that if there is a country (of the same technological standard) that could, then it would be China.

thank you for coming to my sociology ted talk

None of this is true what happened was is that somebody got sick and then other people did too

# ¿ Feb 6, 2020 04:50

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

RandomBlue posted:

Your father hosed up.

My boss got served a few months ago because one of his trees is apparently growing onto the neighbor's property. It's insanely bougie. People get freaking blood red mad over trees.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2020 10:37

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

numberoneposter posted:

if you made the elderberries into a preserve you could sell it as premium boner jam

I've been preserved by this post.

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 02:23

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I'm listening to Rainbow's Tarot Woman as sung by Ronnie James Dio. I am immune to this pitiable disease as a result.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2020 10:45

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

cda posted:

I just want to get this thing and get it over with

Looking for a hand out huh? I'm not giving you this virus then!! Consider yourself blocked from coronavirus!

# ¿ Feb 27, 2020 05:19

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# ¿ May 12, 2024 07:22

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

MOVIE MAJICK posted:

I'm going to ignore the virus

Same

# ¿ Feb 29, 2020 09:17

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

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