UKMT Summer 2023 - Too fat and woke to fight

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT Summer 2023 - Too fat and woke to fight

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TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Gonzo McFee posted:

I need my fix of the dumbest poo poo I've ever seen.

stand back everyone, I got this

# ¿ Jun 5, 2023 08:37

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 07:44

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Z the IVth posted:

Counting down until Farage bathwater, bottled sweat and subscribers only foot photos.

Probably a sound business plan, I can confidently say I�d pay almost any amount to avoid these

# ¿ Jun 5, 2023 12:24

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

frankenbeans posted:

it just burns your lips after about 10 of them.

salt & vinegar that doesn�t do this isn�t worth eating :colbert:

# ¿ Jun 6, 2023 13:10

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Camrath posted:

The post office are going to loving /hate/ me tomorrow lol

and my belly will loving hate me after i've scoffed a big load of delicious fudge 😋

# ¿ Jun 11, 2023 23:46

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

well now hang on, if the first spaceship arrived in the 1930s then how did the alien pope pius XI get here? something about this doesn�t add up at all

# ¿ Jun 12, 2023 22:33

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Aren�t there quite a few Friends episodes where the central gag is �OMG you�re dating somebody who is trans / a different race / has a funny voice�? I seem to recall a lot of it aging quite badly for something that was extremely milquetoast comedy at the time.

# ¿ Jun 14, 2023 10:55

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

forkboy84 posted:

facts are unequivocally hilarious

this is true and therefore also very funny

# ¿ Jun 14, 2023 13:38

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Jaeluni Asjil posted:

Just remembered who I find seriously unfunny but all my friends seem to love: Miranda.
Her one joke seems to be look at me I'm big and awkward but bloke asked me out. And all the audience go "ahhhh*. That's it. Her whole joke.
Kinda like how big bang theory completely exhausted the "we're geeks who can't get a girl" thing by season 8.

Same with Jo Brand, I feel like I remember her being quite witty at one point but for a long time now her only two gags have been �I�m fat cos I like biscuits� and �my husband!!�

# ¿ Jun 14, 2023 16:58

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Sir Sidney Poitier posted:

I bought the DVD of JAM in university. I loved, and still love he work from that era - I've only just finished listening to all of On The Hour again in the shower. I also saw The Day Today when I was a child, not knowing it was parody, and thought that homeless people were really being clamped (tory manifesto 2024 pledge).

I bought the DVD of Jam not having any idea what it was, I just liked the very understated box that revealed nothing at all about the contents. I had a proper "what the gently caress" moment when I watched it, great stuff.

Have actually just recently rewatched Jam with my partner who'd not seen it, as well as Coupling (which I'd not seen). Some of the writing in that is very clever, even if there is a lot of unsurprisingly stereotypical "guys are like this, girls are like this" stuff.

Now a comedy series I'd like to find a proper DVD / stream of is The Mark Thomas Comedy Product, that was definitely a good early influence.

# ¿ Jun 15, 2023 15:44

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

The Perfect Element posted:

Oh man got home from a weekend away to find a letter from a debt collection agency, relating to a plumbing firm I used (and fully paid) in May 2021. Just spent the last hour digging through my old bank statements to find the proof, which was a nice bit of stressful fun.

I'm absolutely certain I don't owe this company money, but I don't even want to enter their lovely ecosystem and talk to anyone in case they somehow use that as proof that I am somehow liable for the nearly £450 they say i owe.

I remember dealing with a similar thing years ago. IIRC the burden of proof is on them to link the debt to you; you'll want to search around and check the details yourself of course but I remember I wrote a letter that basically boiled down to 1) Provide me with proof I owe this debt, and 2) This letter does not constitute acceptance of the responsibility of the debt. Never heard from them again.

# ¿ Jun 18, 2023 23:13

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

100,000 fewer police officers sounds like a win

# ¿ Jun 19, 2023 09:57

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Guavanaut posted:

Make sure your folding knives are well oiled so they don't inadvertently stick open.

that�s what the butter is for!

# ¿ Jun 19, 2023 14:10

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

lmao what the gently caress is the point in being a billionaire if you�re still going to get crushed in some ratchet homebrew submarine instead of funding something proper

https://twitter.com/conzmoleman/status/1671027991915245569

# ¿ Jun 20, 2023 08:49

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Failed Imagineer posted:

https://twitter.com/LeftieStats/status/1673310381148602368?t=MHBS8lv-p4V5f4AbRXqu6w&s=19

Does anyone even notice these pledges coming and going these days? Could anyone except sicko FBPE freaks even name a single, current ideological position of Starman's Labour? Do they even make it into the news at all? What is the point of all this

Maybe they�ve decided that people report on / remember policy pledges more than policy abandonments, thus the optimal strategy is to pledge and then quickly abandon as many as possible

Would be interesting to see what�s the longest any policy has lasted in Starmer�s Labour. What�s the oldest pledge they still have?

# ¿ Jun 26, 2023 14:49

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Calling up my GP receptionist and asking them to please imitate my grandmother and lull me to sleep like she used to by transferring me to a human operator

# ¿ Jun 27, 2023 13:03

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Jakabite posted:

How do you even get into something like monkey torture groups? Like does someone mention it down the pub and you�re like Oo yeah that sounds fun? Do people actively seek it out? Like outside of the extremely grotesque and perverse nature of getting into something like that the logistics of how a person finds that path then decides to walk down it really do baffle me

What gets me is when you hear about a husband & wife who are both into abusing children or something equally horrific. How the gently caress does that come up in conversation and become part of the relationship?

# ¿ Jun 29, 2023 23:04

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

lmao why would you suggest making amateur dentists out of people who already have jobs? Why wouldn�t you present your crackpot scheme as a way of reducing unemployment?

I guess we can have, like, plumbers filling in for the therapists, then bus drivers can take over some of the plumbing, everyone can sort of pitch in with whatever takes their fancy

# ¿ Jun 30, 2023 23:42

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

fuctifino posted:

Karen Stierer sounds like Keir Starmer�s pen name

# ¿ Jul 2, 2023 12:16

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Tijuana Bibliophile posted:

https://twitter.com/RachelReevesMP/status/1675434079267831808

Will labour really win a lot of votes by helping btl landlords

quote:

Marco Longhi, the Conservative MP for Dudley North, who has been a landlord for nearly 20 years, said: �What this does is unfortunately provide yet another signal that the Government appears to be anti-landlord.

�

He added: �The closer you push landlords to that point of no return, there will be no properties available to rent. Landlords will sell.�

sickos, haha, yes

# ¿ Jul 3, 2023 13:20

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

I only ever read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and I'm a bit suspicious of anybody that claims to have read any of the others TBH.

I was really excited the first time I found Turkish Delight for sale because the book made it out to be so delicious, and at my young age I assumed it was either something old-timey no longer available or just entirely invented. Well, it turns out it's real but it's dogshit, thanks for the disappointment C. S. Lewis :mad:

# ¿ Jul 4, 2023 00:00

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Miftan posted:

Glad to see that despite not posting as much, my name is still synonymous with good taste.

10/10 snipe, chocolate oranges are terrible.

What�s your opinion on Turkish Delight then? If you hate it I might have to give it another go

# ¿ Jul 4, 2023 13:20

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Nothingtoseehere posted:

Over the last 10 year, the corruption in SA has really started to overwhelm and degrade the countries economy and government.

lmao the first half of this really set me up to expect a big meltdown post about the forums

# ¿ Jul 6, 2023 09:28

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Failed Imagineer posted:

What a useless oval office. People are loving broke and hungry and sick and Starman wants to level up their oral skills.

At least until he abandons this idea, 6 hours from now

i would maybe not start my proposal on the importance of clear articulation with a double negative, keith

# ¿ Jul 6, 2023 10:39

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

The speaking skills thing is Starmer yet again carefully placing a dozen rakes on the ground in front of himself. I give it a day before someone completely blindsides him with the unforeseeable: "Sir Keir, would you agree that answering questions clearly and concisely is an important part of oration?" (Why yes I would) "Well then could you tell me why Labour is unable to keep any of its pledges for longer than a week?"

# ¿ Jul 6, 2023 11:50

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Gonzo McFee posted:

You have to accept that there's a certain number of people who would be happy with David Cameron in a red tie.

Starmer has a red tie and a red face so he�s twice as good really

# ¿ Jul 7, 2023 07:29

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Based is the opposite of cringe

# ¿ Jul 7, 2023 08:03

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Failed Imagineer posted:

It was the based of times, it was the waste of times

A Tale of Two Twitters

# ¿ Jul 8, 2023 08:47

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Darth Walrus posted:

lol at what 'Labour sources' think will make Starmer look like a stone-cold badass:

https://twitter.com/adambienkov/status/1677933876344225796?s=46&t=ARI_L-v32Oind1-d9B3a3Q

tough on trees, tough on the causes of trees

# ¿ Jul 9, 2023 11:25

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Guavanaut posted:

But then you'd just get into "do grass and arse rhyme, and if so how?" chat.

This quiz can get shockingly accurate at pinning down where you grew up, especially if you keep answering optional questions at the end.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2023 07:32

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Diet Crack posted:

The aim is to piss into the mouth of the person opposite with the highest arc possible

but enough about twitter

# ¿ Jul 11, 2023 22:51

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Collateral posted:

The wise man wanks the man,
The wanked man wanks the wanker.

in the land of the wankers, the one-eyed snake is king

# ¿ Jul 12, 2023 14:28

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

https://twitter.com/JB0001996/status/1679174597063720969

Has Charlie Brooker ever said something that hasn't come true? :tinfoil:

# ¿ Jul 13, 2023 00:13

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Finally, true bipartisanship: both parties working together to show the British public that there is no hope for the future, better things aren�t possible, and it would be best to just lie down and quietly die.

# ¿ Jul 13, 2023 10:59

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

sebzilla posted:

Borders and maps are weird for kids, I have a strong memory of looking at an atlas on a car journey and worrying about the barbaric wasteland of Ireland not having a single road.

When I was a kid I remember hearing on the radio that the Soviet Union was breaking up, and I assumed this meant a colossal chasm had opened up and physically torn apart the continent of Asia. I was shocked that the news didn't seem to be talking about the millions of people that must have fallen into the hole. I asked my dad "does this mean they'll have to redo all the maps?" and he said that they would, which to my small brain was ironclad confirmation of the chasm theory.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2023 00:13

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Failed Imagineer posted:

I love hammering that lil smiley dude in the face when I'm passing through the airport

There�s always one as you exit the loos which seems to assume a certain confidence in the public�s inclination towards handwashing

# ¿ Jul 14, 2023 13:20

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

I think I�m pretty much done with trains now; they�re just so astonishingly expensive, unreliable, and with so little chance of getting a seat even if you�ve booked that I�d just rather drive. I�d probably prefer to fly if I�m going a long way and the price would still be about the same.

Got a train to see a friend a few months ago and it�s just nerve-wracking trying to jostle for position to not be stood crammed in the vestibule for 3 hours, wondering what I�ll do if my connection just randomly doesn�t appear. It just doesn�t work anymore.

TACD fucked around with this message at 10:12 on Jul 15, 2023

# ¿ Jul 15, 2023 10:10

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Julio Cruz posted:

if Labour lose the next election there�s the chance (however slight) that Starmer resigns and a leftist becomes leader

technically true in the narrowest possible sense; similarly, there�s the chance (however slight) that after the next election a leftist�s brain will spontaneously replace the winner�s via quantum tunnelling and become leader that way

# ¿ Jul 16, 2023 14:21

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Gonzo McFee posted:

They're all like this now. They know that the soundbite is all they'll show on the TV news so they just hit it over and over again.

Jeremy Corbyn gave thoughtful, nuanced responses to questions and it turned out that doing so was anti-semitic

# ¿ Jul 18, 2023 07:59

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

An arseless shamehole?

# ¿ Jul 22, 2023 15:08

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 07:44

TACD: Oct 27, 2000

Coeliac chat: Here�s a short list of breweries that do gluten-free beer you can order online:

Abbeydale Brewery
Brass Castle
Bellfield Brewery
Triple Point Brewing
Wold Top Brewery

Note that most of these do a few regular gluten-containing beers as well so do double-check the ones you order are gluten-free. The barley will still be printed in bold on the can even on a GF beer so don�t worry when you see it. There�s plenty of really nice GF beer available; just about the only thing I haven�t found is a satisfactory stout.

Plus Yay! Flapjacks do absolutely incredible cookies and flapjacks, better than most gluteny ones I�ve eaten 😋

# ¿ Jul 26, 2023 23:29

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT Summer 2023 - Too fat and woke to fight

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