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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 13, 2024 23:50
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Look, if you and your SO were happily boning one another and your 14 yo child came to you like "god, guys, I can hear you rutting like pigs from across the house! FML! Stop having sex and never talk about it, ugh," would you start renting hotel rooms and living as proper Victorians, or would you throw a bunch of sass right back at that brat and gently caress even louder?
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Apr 20, 2017 23:57
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- Gloryhold It!
- Sep 22, 2008
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Fucking
Adorable
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I'd try to keep the drat noise down
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Apr 21, 2017 00:00
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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My best friend broke up with his long term (3+ years) girlfriend a month or two ago, and dude is still breaking down crying over it, despite it being an amicable dissolution of the relationship.
I suspect a part of it is they live in the same building, and still go out for dinner. The guy just cannot NOT be in a relationship. And he's only 27.
Man my standards have been lowered--I misread this as they had broken up 3+ years ago and still lived in the same building and had dinner occasionally while he kept breaking down in tears constantly and it didn't even phase me.
But yeah uh they should stop hanging out.
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Apr 21, 2017 00:07
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- Rat Patrol
- Feb 15, 2008
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kill kill kill kill
kill me now
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I'd try to keep the drat noise down
Yeah it's that easy. I'd probably get her some headphones and try my best to keep it down when she was in the house. I mean she lives there too and has a right to be comfortable. If it were a roommate asking me to keep it down I'd respect their request the same way, not put a full stop to activities, but maybe like, play some music or something. You have to be considerate of other people in the house, even kids. One might argue especially kids, since they didn't choose to be there and they don't have the power to leave.
And then I'd refrain from making sex jokes around her, because that's not actually a hard request. if anyone else in my life, a friend, co-worker, or adult family member, said to me, "those jokes make me uncomfortable," I'd be an rear end in a top hat to continue making them in their presence. It's a real simple request in any other context, if you care about the person asking, not sure why the person asking being a kid makes such a difference.
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Apr 21, 2017 00:09
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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I'd try to keep the drat noise down
I guess investing in some ball-gags and leaving them laying around the house might be a pro-move. Good idea.
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Apr 21, 2017 00:09
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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oh hey we're still arguing the merits of telling your kid that you stuck a finger up their mom's rear end in a top hat
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Apr 21, 2017 00:10
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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oh hey we're still arguing the merits of telling your kid that you stuck a finger up their mom's rear end in a top hat
No GODDAMN CHILD will dictate TO ME how loud I gently caress!! Not under my roof!!!
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Apr 21, 2017 00:14
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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*walks into kitchen with full boner, riding crop still stuck up rear end* don't tell your mother and me what to do, young lady
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Apr 21, 2017 00:15
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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*walks into kitchen with full boner, riding crop still stuck up rear end* don't tell your mother and me what to do, young lady
Option 1: abide by request from some brat kid who can't even drive to keep my gently caress seshs down
Option 2: gently caress YOU DAUGHTER YOU'RE NOT MY DAD, I'M YOUR DAD!
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Apr 21, 2017 00:17
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- Who What Now
- Sep 10, 2006
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by Azathoth
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I guess investing in some ball-gags and leaving them laying around the house might be a pro-move. Good idea.
Why do you want a child to know how often you gently caress?
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Apr 21, 2017 00:23
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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Why do you want a child to know how often you gently caress?
It's a joke, and mortifying teenagers is always a net good.
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Apr 21, 2017 00:24
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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Quick disclaimer: obviously in the larger context of life slightly inappropriate parents who love each other dearly are not the worst thing in the world.
However that image isn't nearly as funny as Gimp Daddy and Dom Mom.
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Apr 21, 2017 00:25
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- value-brand cereal
- May 2, 2008
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God haha I remember in some thread a goon admitted to being used to sleeping with loud music playing because his parents were super noisy at night when they hosed. And finally when he was an older teen his mom at last asked him to turn down the music at night because they could hear it across the house he said something like 'If you can hear my music from down the hall, you know the exact reason why I need to loud music to sleep'. And I guess nothing changed? because he didn't mention if it did.
well thanks for listening!
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Apr 21, 2017 00:32
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- Cough Drop The Beat
- Jan 22, 2012
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by Lowtax
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I'd try to keep the drat noise down
Same. I would never expose my hypothetical teenage daughter to any sexual relationship of mine because it is very weird and inappropriate. Though I can also understand her parents not caring when they pay the mortgage and all of her life's expenses.
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Apr 21, 2017 00:35
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- Panfilo
- Aug 27, 2011
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EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
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MY HOUSE MY RULES
*uncorks 55 gallon drum of lube*
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Apr 21, 2017 01:10
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- DragQueenofAngmar
- Dec 29, 2009
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You shall not pass!
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"tumblr, today my daughter kinkshamed me..."
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Apr 21, 2017 01:53
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- GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
- Feb 28, 1985
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"my bf's friend is weird as gently caress and asks me to delete the chats from my boyfriend, should i keep chatting?  "
quote: Is it weird to text my (21F) boyfriend's (22M) online friend (20M)?Relationships
submitted 7 hours ago * by pizzabrownie
Hi all,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 1.5 years and are completely happy and satisfied with our relationship. We are very open and honest with one another and always take each other's feelings into consideration.
I feel like I'm in a weird place right now, but am not quite sure what to think of it.
My boyfriend plays an online game that requires teaming up with players around the world; naturally, they end up becoming "friends" because they play together so often.
My boyfriend met a guy (we'll call him Bob) almost a year ago through the game and they have become quite good friends; going so far as adding each other on Facebook and such.
About a month ago, my boyfriend talked me into downloading the game. He introduced me to his online circle and I met Bob through that encounter.
He ended up adding me on Facebook (with my boyfriend's knowledge) and we messaged back and forth a few times. All our conversations were completely platonic and always centred around my boyfriend or food for the most part.
Recently we have began talking about other things as well (life in general) but again, nothing that is weird or inappropriate. He also added me on snapchat the other day to send me food pics. That's kind of mostly what we send to each other/talk about. Again, my boyfriend is aware of the nature of our conversations and I always let him know when I've spoken to his friend and casually mention the details of the conversation; mostly so he never feels left out or weird.
The problem here is that Bob keeps mentioning that our friendship is weird because we didn't meet "naturally" and that I'm his online friend's girlfriend. He isn't able to explain why it's weird and thinks that it's a "betrayal" that we talk. I told him he was being silly because my boyfriend is well aware of our friendship and conversation and doesn't seem to have a problem with it. However, Bob insists that I delete our conversations because he's worried my boyfriend will see them and be upset with him (again, I don't understand why because our conversations are COMPLETELY normal and platonic). I offered that we stop talking if it's too weird for him (on at least two occasions) and he pretended to be offended or asked to change the subject because it "sucked".
Anyway, I don't know if I'm in the wrong or if he is. I don't think there's anything wrong about our friendship; and though we do talk a fair bit, it has not resulted in either Bob or I speaking to my boyfriend any less. Nothing has changed at all. Should I continue being friends with him or limit my interaction with him and only talk if he initiates the conversation? If it matters, he lives across the world and it is very unlikely that we would meet up or have anything happen from our conversations. We simply talk because we get along and have a shared love for food.
I think i should also add that BECAUSE I suggested that nothing seems to be weird, he made a comment yesterday that made me feel like I screwed up somehow. He said, "not to be rude, but I thought you didn't have many friends because you're so interested in talking to a random online". This was after I told him I was out with a friend. I just LOL'd, but I don't like the conclusion he came to just because I don't think us talking is weird. I know I probably should have said more about his comment, but I only thought of this after the fact.
TL;DR: My boyfriend's online friend and I talk a fair bit, and he thinks it's weird because I'm his friend's gf and we didn't meet naturally. However, our conversations are completely platonic and normal and I don't understand where he's coming from. Should I continue as is or limit my interaction with him?
37 commentsshare
GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 02:09 on Apr 21, 2017
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Apr 21, 2017 02:05
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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this is the english-to-teenage-angst translation of The Sound of Music, isn't it
I (31M) am afraid my wife (29F) of 4 years may kick me out this month because I can't pay half our bills like I agreed.
this guy's handle is "Complainingwife"
I will find this man. I will kill him.
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Apr 21, 2017 02:12
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- Who What Now
- Sep 10, 2006
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by Azathoth
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I will find this man. I will kill him.
With heartfelt gifts.
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Apr 21, 2017 02:14
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- DragQueenofAngmar
- Dec 29, 2009
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You shall not pass!
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My [22M] girlfriend [22F] said that my relationship with my younger sister [8F] is weird. Is she right?
quote:
I have an 8 year old sister (who was obviously born when I was 14) and recently, I’ve noticed that I find myself more oddly close to her, more so than most siblings with similar age gaps. It isn’t anything that you might consider inappropriate, but I still have found it odd upon reflection nonetheless.
She lives with our parents, and I have my own apartment (and lived in my college dorm before I graduated), but I still find myself spending lots of time with her. I often instinctively offer to babysit whenever my parents need one and pick her up from school fairly frequently. I’m even the one who helps her with homework a good ¼ of the time. In addition to this, I find myself taking her out to do things rather often. Going to amusement parks, baseball games, go karting, the movie theatre, trampoline parks, skiing, snowboarding, and ice skating are some of the activities we like to do together.
My concern primarily is that we even close in age at all, and most adults with child siblings probably only see them a few times a month at most, yet I spend lots of time with my sister which is abnormal. It isn’t like I’m upset, the thing I don’t understand is that I actually like letting her rope me into letting her paint my nails or making me eat whatever concoction she made in her easy bake oven.
The reason I’ve been kind of reflecting on this recently is because I was about 10 minutes late to dinner with my girlfriend because my parents needed me to pick my sister up from soccer practice. My girlfriend wasn’t mad about it or anything, but she said that she was surprised by how well I get along with my sister and that her younger brother has never really liked her all that much, and that she found it kind of strange because my sister and I have a larger age gap then her and her brother (who is 12).
I guess she’s right that we are probably closer than most siblings with an age gap this large, but do you think that most people would find it strange/weird?
tl;dr: Wondering whether people would consider my relationship with my younger sister weird.
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Apr 21, 2017 02:49
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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My [22M] girlfriend [22F] said that my relationship with my younger sister [8F] is weird. Is she right?
a good big brother!! how dare he
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Apr 21, 2017 03:10
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- Mirthless
- Mar 27, 2011
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by the sex ghost
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I will find this man. I will kill him.
Lol seriously... This guy can't tell me he can't find work doing min wage somewhere. Complaining about not getting enough hours and money working for her dad is pathetic
I hope she kicks him to the curb before she wastes her 30s on him. She should definitely not carry his children.
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Apr 21, 2017 03:20
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- The Lone Badger
- Sep 24, 2007
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Lol seriously... This guy can't tell me he can't find work doing min wage somewhere. .
He's a convict. I can believe it.
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Apr 21, 2017 03:47
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- Turtlicious
- Sep 17, 2012
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by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
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Option 1: abide by request from some brat kid who can't even drive to keep my gently caress seshs down
Option 2: gently caress YOU DAUGHTER YOU'RE NOT MY DAD, I'M YOUR DAD!
NEVER TAKE OPTION 2, WHAT THE gently caress.
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Apr 21, 2017 04:15
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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Lol seriously... This guy can't tell me he can't find work doing min wage somewhere. Complaining about not getting enough hours and money working for her dad is pathetic
I hope she kicks him to the curb before she wastes her 30s on him. She should definitely not carry his children.
she married him knowing full well that he was a complete piece of poo poo so unfortunately I doubt this story has a happy ending
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Apr 21, 2017 04:29
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- Tiny Deer
- Jan 16, 2012
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NEVER TAKE OPTION 2, WHAT THE gently caress.
Whoa, not in a sex way, in a 'you're not the boss of me' way.
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Apr 21, 2017 04:44
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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Owned by a child yet again, will r/relationships wonders never cease?
I [34M] inadvertently cause my nephew [13M] to catcall a woman at a school function. Wife [33F] of 13 years is pissed. Everybody's pissed. I'm an idiot. Relationships
quote:402 points 385 comments submitted 2 years ago by ImAnIdiotNoSeriously to r/relationships
So, before I throw myself on the mercy of the court here, I just want to say--I really am not like this. I don't ogle women. I don't objectify them. I don't gawk at women and talk with my buddies about them. I sure as hell have never catcalled anybody. I swear. I am normally a very upstanding, upright man.
So, my wife is a stay at home mom. We have a couple kids, 10M and 7F. In the summer, when school is out, she watches her brother's kids, a boy 13M and a girl 8F.
The boy, who we'll call Jared, is kind of a pain in the rear end, to put it mildly. He acts up a lot, is hyper, etc. And he's just about to hit puberty and, like many boys, is somewhat obsessed with sex and perverted things.
That said, I have a soft spot for the kid. His parents are frankly not the world's greatest parents. They're mean and short with him , but conversely don't really pay any attention to him or discipline him. I feel like most of Jared's problem is that he's extremely bright, but he's bored all the time and hasn't been given any structure or discipline and his parents act like they don't even like him. So, whenever he's around, I make a special point to be patient with the little poo poo and try to bond with him and be a good adult role model. And we horse around some, of course.
Yesterday, my son and daughter had a graduation ceremony to end the school year at their school. Jared and his sister go to a different school, so they were already out and being watched by my wife. I took off work and we all went to the graduation ceremony together. I ended up sitting with my wife on one side and Jared on the other.
So, we're sitting there in the auditorium and parents are filing in and we're all just kind of waiting. Right about then, several rows ahead of us, one of the other parents, a mom I've recognized from my son's soccer games but don't really know, goes walking by. She is, not to sound crass, pretty busty and she happened to be wearing a tight tank top.
I don't know why I did what I did next. I didn't really think about what I was doing. I just had Jared sitting beside me and we had been joking around like usual and I was trying to be the cool uncle or something I guess. Really, I'm sorry. I'm going to sound like an rear end in a top hat, but I swear this is not how I normally behave.
But... I kind of nudged Jared with my elbow, nodded at the mom walking by, and said, "How'd you like to see those funbags?"
Jared takes one look at her, and then screams, "HEY BABY NICE FUNBAGS."
Cue the longest and most uncomfortable three seconds of my life as literally every head in the auditorium, including the mother's, turned to stare at us.
Oh, but it gets worse.
I immediately whispered, "Jared!" in a shocked and horrified tone.
Jared, seeing that he had hosed up, says, loudly, again where everyone could hear it, "You said it first!"
And cue the mother looking at me, and me suddenly feeling my wife's eyes boring holes in the side of my head before I even turned to confirm it.
I pretty much spent the next ninety minutes of the ceremony wishing I could melt into the earth below my seat.
My wife, of course, is humiliated and furious. I have tried to explain, and in my head it all makes sense, but try explaining to your wife why you were ogling some fellow soccer mom with your 13-year-old nephew.
I am not an eloquent guy in real life. Talking is not my strong suit. How the hell do I explain this so it doesn't sound like I am just King Pervert of Pervert Mountain? It was really just a stupid foot in mouth moment.
tl;dr: Put a bad idea in a horny 13-year-old's head and he totally acted on it. Now I'm firmly in the doghouse.
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Apr 21, 2017 06:00
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- Bubblyblubber
- Nov 17, 2014
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Overheard my girlfriend describe me in a weird way. Should I confront or not? Oh and we're getting married next month.
quote:submitted 5 years ago * by wtfisthatabt
Hi-
I'm 28 male, my fiancee is 27. We're getting married next month after dating 5 years, living together 3 years.
Yesterday I came in and I guess my gf didn't hear me. She was on speakerphone with a friend of hers giggling. I was about to anounce myself when I heard her friend ask, "so you're marrying the perfect man like we always imagined!" I was mighty pleased.
And then--and this is really embarrassing for me to share--and then my gf said, "he's not perfect but he's a three-legged horse who does what I say, and he cleans up nice." Followed by hysterical laughter from both of them. I went back outside I was so shocked. Then I went in again like nothing happened.
But I feel weird and have been feeling weird about it since yesterday. The wedding is next month, I don't want to rock the boat. Maybe I should have announced myself immediately when I heard she was on the phone? (but I was not snooping.) So I don't even know how to bring it up.
Also, ladies please, wtf does "three-legged horse who does what I say" really mean in girl talk?
Confused. Embarrassed. Feel dumb.
I'm the girlfriend. This is too funny. The 'redditor' who got it right first is throwagayy but he was bitchy at first so I'm giving the prize to karennc28
We're in love, he's just nervous, all is good 
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Apr 21, 2017 06:07
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- GRINDCORE MEGGIDO
- Feb 28, 1985
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quote:
The guy [22M] I've [22F] been seeing for a few months said something very insensitive about my former boyfriend who passed away.
u/RagnarokKid
Quick backstory:
My boyfriend of four years passed away very suddenly in July of 2016. He was shot while trying to break up an argument. Grieving him has been immensely difficult for me but I immediately sought therapy and have been doing my very best to work through the grief in a healthy way. I know he wouldn't want me to let this destroy me.
Onto January of this year, I met a nice guy in one of my classes. We hit it off and although I was very hesitant to get back into dating, we started seeing one another in February. I was very open with him about losing my former boyfriend and told him I would be unable to simply jump into another relationship. He has been very understanding and respectful of my boundaries. The relationship has been slow moving, but it's exactly what I need.
About a week ago, while on our way home from a date, he said something incredibly insensitive to me and I'm unsure if I can get past it.
He was driving me home and asked if he could speak openly about something and I said sure, go ahead. He proceeded to tell me: "you know, you're actually pretty lucky that your boyfriend died"
I literally had no idea what to say back to this. I just said "what?" He proceeded to explain that it must be easier for me, with my boyfriend being dead, since he has to "deal with his ex walking around and doing whatever she wants" ???????? And I "don't have to deal with that"
I was so taken aback. Honestly, it felt like he'd punched me in the stomach. Losing my boyfriend was the absolute worst thing to ever happen in my life. I couldn't seem to form a decent response because I was so shocked, I only said "well you're wrong and I have no idea why you would say that"
He then proceeded to tell me that I was simply better off and I have no idea what the burden of dealing with an ex is like.
He dropped me off and I didn't talk to him for a few days. I'll admit, that's childish, but I seriously couldn't wrap my head around what he'd said to me. Seriously, who would said such an insensitive thing?
I don't think I can see him anymore and I'm not certain how to tell him why. Part of me wants to completely fly off the handle and tear him a new one but I know that's not the best way to go about it. Am I wrong in thinking this is a deal breaker?
TL;DR: New guy I've been seeing told me I'm lucky that my former boyfriend died. How do I explain why I no longer want to see him?
GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 06:39 on Apr 21, 2017
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Apr 21, 2017 06:15
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- COMRADES
- Apr 3, 2017
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by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
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The guy would rather his exes be dead because that's how much of a jealous bitch he is so yeah sever.
I wish people wouldn't be so verbose.
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Apr 21, 2017 06:21
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 13, 2024 23:50
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- Anagram of GINGER
- Oct 3, 2014
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by Smythe
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That sucks. Sounds like she was on a slow-burn rebound of a lifetime until he failed the speech check on that weak-rear end jedi mind trick.
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Apr 21, 2017 07:08
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Apr 20, 2017 23:27
14 year old me would have been mortified, but 30 year old me was like "awwwww, I hope I'm still that in love in 40 years".
'd boyfriend story is sad. 
