ArbitraryC posted:

My brother was like this a lot when we were growin up. Just refused to answer mundane questions about stuff for seemingly no reason, like if mom and him went somewhere while I was playing games and came back, if I asked him where they went he would just not tell me or say something like "wouldn't you like to know". Nothing he'd need to be secretive/private about either, if I asked my mom afterwards she'd be like "oh we went to this store to pick up this thing he needed for school/hobbies/whatever". Hard to think of other examples off the top of my head but it was a fairly common thing he did and I never really got why, I think he just thought it was funny cause he knew it annoyed me.

CharlestheHammer posted:

Well my point was it was a weirder suggestion than the possibility she may be tired of his poo poo.

Blue Train posted:

Yea she's obv not very good at her job smh. This is why people say hr is a joke

HoAssHo posted:

Sure. I realize it was a weird thing to say but it was the first thing that came to mind because, like I said, I've had that discussion before. I realize it was a stretch. I was just throwing out possible reasons for her strange behavior.

Pick posted:

Or maybe she was just desperate for love, like a lot of normal people are, and if he had reciprocated she would be loyal and adore him.

Pick posted:

You know, I've thought a lot about this thread, and it just occurs to me that you all are living lives I wouldn't want, so why am I taking your advice on how to get there? I live a vibrant existence, and all the way it's been different than yours. When I meet people, when I connect to them (like someone who hasn't been in this convo but is a new IRL friend of mine), we get it. We work it out. We inspire one another and direct one another to be more like one another in the ways we respect and adore. There's nothing like that here. In fact, almost everyone worth a drat has left this site; this site is the well, and people are pissing on one another to disincentivize one another from leaving it and becoming more, leaving you lonely. But I am not lonely. I'm brilliant, and beautiful, and scintillating, and talented, and there's no reason for me to take directions from anyone less, much like those who gave up once they hit their teens and never made anything of themselves, who always chose the most obvious path of least resistance and never fought for anything in their lives.

Should I listen to you? I don't want to be you. I want to be like my mother, who, despite her faults, is always at the cutting edge of everything, whose existence has been a stdh.txt screed. I don't want to sit around watching TV and waiting to die with someone I can sort of tolerate but never know. I'm going to keep fighting for someone I actually love, and for the life I actually want.


sendthemtopick@gmail.com is a way to get ahold of me, especially since I'm running out of PMs.

TheWeepingHorse posted:

I've encountered people who ask the same things over and over again (e.g. my own mom), but I've also encountered people who are bizarre in other ways. It very much *could* be the case that this guy asks the same things over and over again, but that requires assuming facts not in evidence. Wouldn't she *say* something to him about this? Then again, why doesn't he just loving ask her why she does that? If he already has, was her answer just gnomic silence, or did he just forget (or not pay attention to) the response? So many...questions...

TheWeepingHorse posted:

I've encountered people who ask the same things over and over again (e.g. my own mom), but I've also encountered people who are bizarre in other ways. It very much *could* be the case that this guy asks the same things over and over again, but that requires assuming facts not in evidence. Wouldn't she *say* something to him about this? Then again, why doesn't he just loving ask her why she does that? If he already has, was her answer just gnomic silence, or did he just forget (or not pay attention to) the response? So many...questions...

quote:

I asked her why she has this issue, but I'm sure you can guess the result by now...

HoAssHo posted:

That was me. I said "maybe" because I wasn't assuming anything. I was discussing possible reasons and the Japanese thing came up because I've had discussions about that being a Japanese thing with actual Japanese people.

Also, every man I've been with had to have the same poo poo repeated multiple times until it stuck, so it's super possible it's that.

Blue Train posted:

xposting

HoAssHo posted:

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

The OP sounds like he's got a pretty short fuse too so this all kinda reads like some guy complaining that his dog mysteriously always starts cowering and hiding for no reason whenever he raises his arms.

therobit posted:

That is not really an accurate characterization of a particular cultural trait that westerners notice in Japan.

If someone is telling you something that you don't want to hear or giving a negative answer to a request, it is common to get "perhaps it is difficult" or maybe "we cannot do it" as s way to soften the blow. You both know drat well what they are saying but allows them to not be rude by putting things too bluntly in a high context society.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

The OP sounds like he's got a pretty short fuse too so this all kinda reads like some guy complaining that his dog mysteriously always starts cowering and hiding for no reason whenever he raises his arms.

quote:

I'm a busy guy and I understand that my wife puts up with a lot, works hard on taking care of our children and is strongly independent. I generally think that she is wonderful, kind and understanding. However, about a year ago her sister had a uterine infection after her first baby and had to have a hysterectomy. During my sister-in-law's recovery my wife promised that she would be a surrogate for her. I understand the sentiment, wanting to help someone where you can, however the sister in law went through with starting the surrogacy process. I get roped into this when I have to sit down and talk about my thoughts with the wanna-be expectant couple over skype "to ask my permission."

I'm not thrilled with the idea. Any time it's come up i've been pretty clear that I think it's a bad idea, furthered by the fact that my sister-in-law isn't going to provide any compensation for my wife's womb. I've heard surrogacy horror stories, we're going to be moving and starting a new life in a few months and honestly struggle with the ethics of surrogacy when there are so many children in need of adoption. Sufficient to say, I don't want my wife to participate. When they pull me up on skype and ask me my opinion I'm pretty clear that I think it's a bad idea, but I can't force my wife to do anything and ultimately it's her choice.

My initial plan was to keep my mouth shut and proceed with her acting independently so that I would only have myself to blame for not speaking up more aggressively. Give myself an out so I wouldn't feel so betrayed, and let her do what she wanted. However, in the process of gearing up for surrogacy we met with a therapist who asked me my opinion on the topic. I tried to decline, but she was insistent and I lost my patience and simply told them (wife and therapist) that I really didn't like the idea of surrogacy. The therapist asks if i had shared this opinion and I honestly answered that I had given the same response every time that someone has asked, including the wanna-be parents. I then explain that I didn't want to get into because then it feels a lot more like my opinion doesn't matter. I suppose that it's at this point my wife realizes that I'm strongly opposed to it, but she is going to do it anyway. Things kind of came to a head without any real resolution. She is going to go ahead with surrogacy, i'm bent about it.

What makes it harder for me, is that I wanted a 4th child a few years back and she decided that she was done being pregnant and didn't want to restart the clock on being a parent again. At this stage, I genuinely resent her going into the surrogacy given that she knows exactly how I feel about it, especially in the setting of her having refused to get pregnant with a 4th for us.

I completely understand that this is ultimately her decision. I would still like insight into how to tread these waters effectively.

From my perspective we have diametrically opposed goals. I don't want her to be a surrogate and she does. If I protest strongly enough I could see ending the marriage over it. If she doesn't proceed with surrogacy she will likely resent me forever for not letting her be a surrogate for her sister. Is there a different way to see this situation?

Blue Train posted:

xposting

therobit posted:

That is not really an accurate characterization of a particular cultural trait that westerners notice in Japan.

If someone is telling you something that you don't want to hear or giving a negative answer to a request, it is common to get "perhaps it is difficult" or maybe "we cannot do it" as s way to soften the blow. You both know drat well what they are saying but allows them to not be rude by putting things too bluntly in a high context society.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yeah you're right dumb broad probably systematically refuses to answer personal questions for no reason at all, bitches be cray. maybe she's a slant

My wife [31F] decided to be a surrogate for her sister [40F] without discussing it with me. I'm [35M] at a loss at how to proceed.

quote:

My [27F] husband [32M] of 2 years got drunk at a beach party and untied my bikini strap exposing my breasts. My mom wants me to call the police for assault, my friends say it's no big deal. Is there a middle ground here?

submitted 7 hours ago by Mhudui

background: I've been with Alex for 4 years, married for 2. He's a great guy but turns into a "party guy" when he drinks. Relevant later but my mom openly despises Alex, She claims it's because he's irresponsible. He's really not, he's got a good job and his one big vice is his Star Wars Lego collection. I actually think my moms hatred For Alex is that she and his mother were something of rivals in our small town high school. But anyways...

We were at a lake beach party this weekend and I could tell Alex was becoming his "fun" after like 3 beers and I just wasn't ready to deal so I avoided him. Maybe an hour after that I was standing on the beach and out of the blue I feel my bikini top being yanked of the side. Alex had untied and pulled it to the side clearly exposing my breasts. Unbeknownst to me someone had taken a perfectly timed pic and drunkenly posted it to Facebook, which had time to create all sorts of Gossip and related posts and counter posts before Facebook deleted the post (it was up for maybe 5 minutes).

Well of course my mom saw this and next thing I know my phine was exploding with texts "if you don't go to the police with this ASSAULT I will." Since Sunday when this happened every morning has been a barrage of texts about calling the police.

Obviously I'm not calling the cops but I think my moms ridiculous over reaction has allowed Alex to push the "drama" onto her and he feels like she's the real problem here. I'm furious with him that I was the subject of his little stunt but I've been so busy with my mom, I haven't had the time or energy to deal with him. My friends all love Alex and say it's no big deal and just let it slide. My best friend even told me basically "not forgiving silliness is why your mom is the way she is."

What is the appropriate middle ground reaction to what happened on Sunday?

tl;dr: My husband untied my bikini top at a beach party and exposed my breasts. I'm trying to appropriately deal with it while getting bad advice from all sides.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yeah you're right dumb broad probably systematically refuses to answer personal questions for no reason at all, bitches be cray. maybe she's a slant

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yeah you're right dumb broad probably systematically refuses to answer personal questions for no reason at all, bitches be cray. maybe she's a slant

Blue Train posted:

Man this guy sucks, I wanna be on his side but drat he's insufferable

quote:

We have the rule at our house that no one brings their ‘device’ to the dinner table. It’s hard enough to regularly connect with my kids and tear them away from their social media, so dinner every night is the one time we can talk and catch up. My kids are well aware of this rule, as is my girlfriend.

We were just finishing up a great dinner I had prepared for the four of us, the mood was good, and my GF and daughter were talking about something high-school related (my GF works at a different high school). My girlfriend got up from the table, went over to the desk to grab her phone to find something related to their conversation, as she’s sitting back down at the table with her phone I hold out my hand and say in a joking way with a smile “No phones at the table… come on, give it here.” Her jaw, along along with the temperature in the room dropped about 45 degrees. She promptly took off into the kitchen with some of dishes, while some of us were still eating. I followed her in to try and diffuse this, and all she said was that I screwed up and then got a “Whatever?!” out of her. She then grabbed her stuff and walked out and sent me a text when she got home telling me how mad she was and that “…leaving was the best thing.”

We didn’t speak again until noon the following day when she called me at work and fully told me how she felt. It was a 15 minute one-sided conversation. She said I was disrespectful and humiliated her in front of my kids, I treated her like a child, that I was controlling, and that I am never ever again allowed to talk to her that way.

Also that next day I spoke to my kids over dinner that night to explain to them what happened, as I’m sure they were wondering and they were caught in the middle of the exchange. I told them what I had said that upset her, how I made her feel, and that I was in the wrong. My daughter merely replied “Really?! You were obviously joking Dad...” while my son nodded in agreement with her.

This was a couple days ago. Since then we’ve spoken more than a few times. She’s said she’s willing to forgive but not forget, and I think she feels she’s mitigated this bad behaviour of mine and warned me that she will not tolerate it happening again.

I’m a pretty easy going guy with few rules and deal with most things with a sense of humour, and relationships with my kids, family, and friends just work, with rarely any confrontation that isn’t easily resolved with calm and serious conversation, so I’m still a little confused why this became such a big thing and why was what I did so bad? I know it was bad from her perspective but I don’t really feel it was from mine. I’m now becoming a bit uneasy with the fallout of what went down and how I was talked to by her since. Just hoping for other unbiased (or as unbiased as it can be when only hearing my side) thoughts, as I don’t want to dump this on my friends or family for now.

As a side note, and it might matter, she was in a 14 year verbally controlling abusive relationship that ended two years before we met. It seems she was just as verbally abusive with him as he was with her. I’ve not seen this in our relationship so far.

…and before everyone jumps on our age difference, as I know /r/relationships likes to do, we’re very well matched in many aspects of who we are and where we’re at in our respective lives, and there have been no age related issues to this point.

TL;DR: Girlfriend brought phone to the dinner table, breaking one of our few family rules, and was severely angered when I asked her for it, so she abruptly left. Seriously unsure if I was really in the wrong or if I’m missing something in the fallout of this.

quote:

So like it says. I'm pregnant. For the past two weeks he has been telling me he wanted to work on things, go to counseling, and "be a family". I've been on the edge about keeping it. Well I got news yesterday he has been talking to a woman who has been a problem our whole relationship. I showed up at his house wanting to see his phone. He said that's not my business and he can do what he wants because I'm not his girl friend. Which I agree, but to sit there and tell me all those things but to be not focused and looking else where already makes me think he isn't going to change into a man I can raise a child with. Also, he wouldn't let me see his phone but said that he's only asked her to go fishing, but this girl is the girl of the town that everyone knows you don't just hang out and fish with, and she has done stuff with his friends with his friends even if they have girl friends.

Also I should state I've been thinking about leaving for months, and I just left a little to late unfortunately. I believe he manipulated me into having sex with him on my ovulation date because I was going to Jamaica and he said if I didn't I was "going to cheat on him with a bunch of black guys). So I asked him not to cum in me or on me and he did so anyways. Obviously I was stupid and thought I was special and I would be fine because we had done is so many times before.

I know showing up at his house is a little crazy. I'm in one of the biggest choices of my life and my emotions can truly be all over the place right now. I put him on the spot and I can understand why that would upset it, but I felt like he would lie to me other wise. At least that way I could get a true gauge of his reaction.

I decided from this that I was done. That I couldn't go through having to look at this man for the rest of my life. Now his mom is texting me and calling me (8times) to tell me she will never hate anyone like she will hate me if I don't have this baby and that she hopes I can never have children ever again if I do. I fully believe now that he has been manipulating my emotions to make me keep the baby at any cost.

There is so much more to the story... but was my reaction to hearing that someone who has been promising to work on things is talking to other people is totally out of line?

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

the relationships sub is pretty mined out at this point but once in a while there's still gold in them hills

I (27f) broke up with (27m) two weeks ago and found out I was pregnant.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

the relationships sub is pretty mined out at this point but once in a while there's still gold in them hills

I (27f) broke up with (27m) two weeks ago and found out I was pregnant.

quote:

This is petty teenage drama so feel free to laugh and judge me but I feel terrible. I was stupid. So my boyfriend and I share passwords, no secrets. And we havent done anything to break that trust. Until I hosed it up

He likes anime and cosplay and follows quite a number on instagram. I noticed he particularly appreciates one cosplayer and would often comment and always like everything. I got jealous. I opened his instagram, unfollowed her. Two seconds later I felt bad and followed her back.

I did nothing else. No message, no crazy unlike spree. I followed and unfollowed back.

Fast forward to few hours later, I notice he was down with one Following. I wondered who he unfollowed [yeayea I stall him]. Seems to me that cosplayer blocked him.

I used my account and sure enough I can still see her posts. In her story she wrote, "I don't understand why unfollow then follow back. #blocked"

Wow, really girl? God, what do I do, do I tell him?

Tldr; I got my boyfriend blocked after unfollowing and following back a user. What do I do? Do I tell him?

This is petty but my bf has done nothing but praise that crazy pyscho and she'd just blocked him for unfollowing then unfollowing

Barudak posted:

Get an abortion, starting with your mother.

cyberia posted:

*his mother

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

the relationships sub is pretty mined out at this point but once in a while there's still gold in them hills

I (27f) broke up with (27m) two weeks ago and found out I was pregnant.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Please, these mines will never run dry.


I [14f] got my boyfriend [16m] blocked. What do I do?


Fair enough I see your point.

TheWeepingHorse posted:

Is there some semi-substantive Instagram celebrity reason why unfollowing-then-refollowing would be an actionable offense? Or is that cosplayer just nuts?

Lareine posted:

How would she know it was done on purpose? They could've hit the unfollow button by accident, noticed their mistake and fixed it.