Hugoon Chavez posted:

I think all goons are hot.

Except me

edit: oh, and this guy.

Hugoon Chavez posted:

I think all goons are hot.

Except me

edit: oh, and this guy.

Hugoon Chavez posted:

I think all goons are hot.

Except me

edit: oh, and this guy.

Hugoon Chavez posted:

I think all goons are hot.

Except me

edit: oh, and this guy.

hamsystem posted:

I have it on good authority from this guy's mom he's actually the most handsome boy in the world.

hamsystem posted:

I have it on good authority from this guy's mom he's actually the most handsome boy in the world.

jack. posted:

some guy is currently being charged with assault with a deadly weapon for tweeting a flashing gif at kurt eichenwald

I.N.R.I posted:

Man who looks like a giant sex toy irl sues "online troll" who caused him to vibrate uncontrollably

hamsystem posted:

I have it on good authority from this guy's mom he's actually the most handsome boy in the world.

putrid aidsman posted:

Slugnoid posted:

wow, she's turned her airbag into a crystal energy claymore mine

Not a Step posted:

Negotiating as a Democrat, a play in three acts

ACT I:

An OFFICE in WASHINGTON D.C.

A DEMOCRAT: My constituency is deeply worried about their access to healthcare. I will push for healthcare for all! Other, lesser nations than grand America have achieved it! So shall we!

ANOTHER DEMOCRAT: Careful as you go! The Republicans will never stand for services for all! You must reign in your idealism and prepare to negotiate for half of what you want, lest you get nothing!

ACT II:

The FLOOR of CONGRESS

DEMOCRAT: I propose a bill providing for healthcare for all!

ENTER A REPUBLICAN

REPUBLICAN: Healthcare for all is but the first step on the path to dreaded Communism! If you push for health care I will fight you tooth and nail and have your name dragged through the dirt! My constituents will never vote for you!

DEMOCRAT: The votes of your constituents are very important to me, because I find my own voters very fickle! I am prepared to settle for market based insurance available to all. What do you say to my generous compromise?

REPUBLICAN: Market based insurance available to all is but the first step on the path to dreaded Communism! If you push for market based insurance available to all I will fight you tooth and nail and have your name dragged through the dirt! My constituents will never vote for you!

DEMOCRAT: The votes of your constituents are very important to me, because I find my own voters very fickle! I am prepared to settle for market based private insurance at inflated rates required of all, with penalties for those who refuse. What do you say to my generous compromise?

REPUBLICAN: Market based private insurance at inflated rates required of all, with penalties for those who refuse, is but the first step on the path to dreaded Communism! (fade out as REPUBLICAN continues)

ACT III:

An OFFICE. A group of LOBBYISTS are just leaving

DEMOCRAT: Well, I have passed a bill today in the Congress to make all Americans purchase health care from a private insurer for minimal coverage at high rates on pain of tax penalty! Lets see what my constituents have to say about this grand victory!

ENTER A CONSTITUENT

CONSTITUENT: You have sold us out to lobbyists and Republicans! This new law is awful!

DEMOCRAT: I had to be pragmatic to get anything done at all! You just don't understand the art of negotiation!

CONSTITUENT: If I had any other choice I would vote for them instead! Perhaps next election I shall just stay at home!

CONSTITUENT storms out

DEMOCRAT: Why are my voters so fickle? If only I had the Republican's voters instead! That gives me an idea!

END

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Karate Bastard posted:

I never clicked the selfie thread before, because to the best of my knowledge I didn't really stand to gain from looking at goons. Turns out that was a mistake. Even the very first page has me in stitches good job good lord

Karate Bastard posted:

I didn't expect to see a selfie of someone's esophagus first thing. Why didn't I expect that?

burexas.irom posted:

FreudianSlippers posted:

Superhero origin story:

A group of people carpool with their kooky New Age hippy co-worker. They get in a car accident and the airbag sends shards of mystical crystals, glued to the steering wheel, at shooting into their skulls causing giving each of them their own distinct psychic powers based on the type of crystal lodged in their brain that also happen to really fit their each persons personality.

Slugnoid posted:

gooooo planet!

Weatherman posted:

"By your powers combined, I am *screeching of tyres* *massive metallic crashing sounds* *tinkle of hubcap hitting the gutter on the other side of the road* *seconds of silence as the blood starts to flow from the mangled wreck*"

Karate Bastard posted:

I didn't expect to see a selfie of someone's esophagus first thing. Why didn't I expect that?

Karate Bastard posted:

I didn't expect to see a selfie of someone's esophagus first thing. Why didn't I expect that?

Beastie posted:

Who has a link to the blog of people doing things frustratingly wrong?

canyoneer posted:

http://thehill.com/blogs/congress-blog

Son of Thunderbeast posted:

Powaqoatse posted:

alternate response:
http://picturesofpeoplescanningqrcodes.tumblr.com

mlmp08 posted:

MAGA rallies are a good way to see the worst possible tactical gear and clothing decisions.

shame on an IGA posted:

PISTOL GRIP GUNT ON MY LAP AT ALL TIMES
PISTOL GRIP GUNT ON MY LAP AT ALL TIMES
PISTOL GRIP GUNT ON MY LAP AT ALL TIMES

Dead Reckoning posted:

Pesticide20 posted:

I think I finally understand cultural appropriation

theflyingexecutive posted:

Where did you come from, where did you go?
Kill me while I'm sleepin, Sharp Hand Joe

RareAcumen posted:

Me:

Bogan King posted:

Al! posted:

my concept is that i want to produce three courses that accruately communicate my feelings about ranch to the diner. i will introduce the theme of each dish as it is presented to you.

the theme of first course is pain. i have plated a trio of ranch-dusted penny nails, a ranch-dipped chile japones and as a drink pairing, a shot glass - rimmed with crushed cool ranch doritos - of seagrams gin, with a single drop of blood.

Al! posted:

main course:

theme: in-edibility

this course includes hdmi cable gnocchetti served room temperature tossed lightly with a ranch balsamic vinagrette and locally-sourced microgreens, a ranch and egg yolk mock-egg, a blackened-tortilla "taquito" with ranch/sardine foam, topped with a fillet of sardine with mustard sauce




because i like you guys im gonna share my favorite forging location but do not absolutely DO NOT share this plz

Al! posted:

dessert:

theme, nausea

this one actually takes a bit of explaining. the lines of turbinado sugar and "spicy ranch seasoning" are meant to be insufflated into the sinus cavity, causing an immediate, intense, and lasting sense of pain and nausea. this is paired with a cube of pepto bismol gelatto, and a trifle with layered ranch, salsa, "sandwich spread" (i think its mayo mustard and relish, real vile stuff), and barbecue sauce, served with a cool ranch corn crisp and another cube of the pepto

precision posted:

me when i frantically try to find my phone while i'm playing a phone game: "it's possible i could smoke less weed"

Fullhouse posted:

Men invented wrestling because it's the only form of contact young boys are allowed without it being gay

Barudak posted:

The greeks both liked wrestling and gay sex, so Im pretty sure they didnt need an excuse to get oiled up and nude with other men, what they needed was a scoring system

Inspector Gesicht posted:

But machines don't cry, they only leak when in need of maintenance.

Random Stranger posted:

Volcott posted:

I'd cry too if someone retconned my wife.

Applewhite posted:

When I worked at Radio Shack, one of my coworkers tried to dispose of a crate of used batteries by flushing them down the toilet rather than sort them into the appropriate containers for shipment to the battery recycling factory. he successfully flushed quite a few of them before the toilet backed up, but there were still over a dozen of them sitting at the bottom of the bowl.
So what did he do? Rather than fish them out, he tried to poo poo on them in the hope that his poo poo would be big enough to cover them up, but he couldn't poo poo enough and when it became obvious that now he was facing the prospect of unclogging a toilet stuffed with batteries and poo poo he panicked and tried to force them down with the plunger while flushing repeatedly. Of course the bowl overflowed and his turds floated out and splattered all over the floor before the current carried them out of the employee bathroom and into the customer area. When we went to investigate the source of the battery-filled turds, we find him kneeling on the floor, sobbing and covered in poo poo and batteries.
He applied for a transfer the next day and a month later he had a higher paying position at a different Radio Shack.

Trig Discipline posted:

Have to take your word for it, I guess.

Field Mousepad posted:

Goddamn y'all are lazy.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3772428&pagenumber=93&perpage=40

Wait did the quote not show up in the post I made? I'm on the awful app and it's showing up for me.

Code Jockey posted:

At least a squirrel with titties makes sense compared to a torso full of fetal kittens and bananas