/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

The commentariat is theorizing that he's bluffing. He wants her to try to lose weight as she's paying for his college. If she loses the weight, he has a skinny wife and he didn't have to do anything. If she doesn't lose the weight, he got free college, and can dump her because she was already warned!

They think that if she immediately went Pete on him, he'd change his tune extremely quickly. Hopefully she comes around.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:10

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2024 00:06

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

It's weird that whenever you see these stories you always start off reading them like "yeah it's p reasonable to ask your spouse who gained 100 pounds in short order to get their poo poo together", like it's not really a lot different if they became a raging alcoholic or something but then invariably the person making the request did the exact same thing and is a total loser on top of it.

Considering the weight crisis in the first world you'd think there'd be at least a few legit stories of someone binging hard and their reasonable partner drawing a line but everytime it's like an exact copy/paste of this post.

matthew 7:3 (NRSVA, New Revised Standard Version American Edition)

Why do you see the skittle in your neighbor�s mouth, but do not notice the mars bar in your own mouth?

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:11

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

pidan posted:

Wait, so if the husband wasn't overweight this scenario would be fine with you?

if she was a normal weight when they got married?

yes.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:14

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

maskenfreiheit posted:

if she was a normal weight when they got married?

yes.

Well she was already kinda fat when they got married.

That dude is just entitled as all get out. It's not enough that his wife finances his life expenses and takes care of him like he's a baby, she should also be more attractive, y'know?

She should throw him out on the spot, then lose the weight for her own enjoyment.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:38

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

pidan posted:

Well she was already kinda fat when they got married.

That dude is just entitled as all get out. It's not enough that his wife finances his life expenses and takes care of him like he's a baby, she should also be more attractive, y'know?

She should throw him out on the spot, then lose the weight for her own enjoyment.

That wasn't really the question asked tho. Contextually the dude is a shithead but in hypothetical land yeah it's okay to draw a line over the prospect of your spouse slowly spiraling into their addiction.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:41

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

pidan posted:

Well she was already kinda fat when they got married.

That dude is just entitled as all get out. It's not enough that his wife finances his life expenses and takes care of him like he's a baby, she should also be more attractive, y'know?

She should throw him out on the spot, then lose the weight for her own enjoyment.

Yeah I agree

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:42

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

ArbitraryC posted:

That wasn't really the question asked tho. Contextually the dude is a shithead but in hypothetical land yeah it's okay to draw a line over the prospect of your spouse slowly spiraling into their addiction.

You're allowed to break up with someone for changing too much in the wrong way but if it's hypocritical it won't end well for you because the rest of humanity only knows you as the person who became a sack of poo poo, not the person who also became a sack of poo poo

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:46

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Haifisch posted:

My mom [50F] won't "let" me [21F] go on a trip to Florida (or any trip- or even bars).

Holy poo poo I can't even imagine. Just go to the airport and get on the airplane please...

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:47

new phone who dis: May 24, 2007; by VideoGames; Morbid Hound

Being super fat is gross but losing a whole shitload of weight like that leaves you with a super gross body too, so at least if K gets what he wants there will be a nasty surprise to go with it.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:48

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

They should both pledge to get to a healthy weight and divorce if they don't, and then whoever is still fat has to give up all of the marital assets.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:49

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

fruit on the bottom posted:

They should both pledge to get to a healthy weight and divorce if they don't, and then whoever is still fat has to give up all of the marital assets.

but he doesn't have anything, and it will be him

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:51

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

new phone who dis posted:

Being super fat is gross but losing a whole shitload of weight like that leaves you with a super gross body too, so at least if K gets what he wants there will be a nasty surprise to go with it.

They generally can't keep it off either. I mean your body is like like "woah there's like 40 lbs of extra skin hanging around here, shouldn't we fill this poo poo out?"

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:51

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

but he doesn't have anything, and it will be him

He'll give her an x-box that she bought him.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:56

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Pick posted:

They generally can't keep it off either. I mean your body is like like "woah there's like 40 lbs of extra skin hanging around here, shouldn't we fill this poo poo out?"

I mean I think that's part of why people should focus on other concrete health goals instead of, specifically, a target in pounds, because that is something that's pretty much going to be a lifelong struggle past a certain point. Work on eating healthier and exercising, work on being able to walk longer and get stronger, work on blood pressure and cholesterol. Try to get the weight down but if the weigh goes back up some and you're still maintaining on the other stuff, that's still a victory, right?

# ? Aug 11, 2017 06:58

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Pick posted:

but he doesn't have anything, and it will be him

Melt him down for candles and soap.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 07:01

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Anne Whateley posted:

This used to be true, but this just happened: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2017/03/13/new_york_court_affirms_poly_parenthood_with_three_way_custody_ruling.html

which apparently is major precedent, causing all my lawyer friends to lose their poo poo

I'm late, but

In NY, "Supreme Court" means "District Court", which is basically the local court, and holds no precedential value over other courts in NY.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 07:01

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I (16f) am scared about a prank my friend is pulling

quote:

I could really use some advice from people who don't know me because I can't tell my parents about this.

I have three friends 15-17f who decided to put a surveillance system in our neighbor's house. None of us actually live here our families come for the summer and us four have been friends for a few years because we always see each other each summer. We all rent beach houses, and there's this older guy in one nearby that one of them has had a crush on for a while.

She ordered the cameras online on her credit card. Then she and another of my friends went into the guy's house when he wasn't there and hid them in a few rooms. The feed streams to her laptop. She is obsessed, she watches the stream like all the time if we're not at the beach. She only wants to go to the beach if he's there so she can watch him in-person. Also before this she would hide around outside his house to spy on him.

Me and my other friend (the one who didn't go with her to set it up) are really annoyed because she's obsessed. It's all she talks about. I'm also really worried they could get caught if he finds it. No one knows they did this except us two. Also this guy is way older like my Dad's age and idk who knows what he's really like.

I tried to tell her she should stop but she got mad and said it's just a joke. She said if she gets caught her parents could get her out of trouble. Maybe. They are pretty rich but why even get in trouble in the first place?? I have a bad feeling about it. I wish she'd just take them down, I don't want to be involved or any of us but she thinks it's "fun"

What do I do? How can I get her to take them down?

tl;dr one of my summer friends is spying on a man she's secretly in love with through hidden cameras. I don't think it's funny and am scared about if he finds out. Me and another of our friends haven't done anything, but her and the last friend in the group would get in trouble for trespassing and spying

I'm not stalking you, it's just a prank!

# ? Aug 11, 2017 07:11

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Haifisch posted:

I (16f) am scared about a prank my friend is pulling

I'm not stalking you, it's just a prank!

A film by Roman Polanski.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 07:20

nerd plus rage: May 12, 2014; It's a metaphor for something, probably

Jason Sextro posted:

r/relationships: drat WidowMaker Thicccc

# ? Aug 11, 2017 07:50

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

CaptainScraps posted:

I got a whole history of posts in the law thread. A quickie:

1) Mom and Dad have a temporary custody hearing. Paternal Grandmother testifies against Mom and then goes to pick up the kids by agreement because the hearing is running along.

2) Mom wins custody, goes to Grandma's house to pick up the kids.

3) Grandma refuses to give her the kids.

4) Mom (somehow) ends up inside Grandma's apartment to get the kids, they get into a knockdown drag-out fistfight. Just nasty, for-real fight.

5) Cops are called.

6) Cops book Mom into jail.

7) Mom's brother calls me to help get her out of jail. I tell him how, he thanks me.

8) No call from Mom, so I call the jail. "Yeah, she's here." "What's she booked for?" "Felony burglary."

9) gently caress.

10) Mom still has custody.

We have a law thread?

# ? Aug 11, 2017 08:13

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

pidan posted:

Wait, so if the husband wasn't overweight this scenario would be fine with you?

honestly yeah if the husband was trying to get her to get down to a healthy weight and was either already there or gonna do it too then gently caress it, yeah, it's not good to be that fat

but he's like 400 pounds and is just making her do it because he thinks he could change her out for a thinner version whenever

# ? Aug 11, 2017 08:21

Pebergehund: Jan 21, 2010

Haifisch posted:

My mom [50F] won't "let" me [21F] go on a trip to Florida (or any trip- or even bars).

Ah she's pulling the old "do what I say or I will stop bothering you!"

# ? Aug 11, 2017 11:40

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Personally I think fat chicks are hot

# ? Aug 11, 2017 12:45

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

blarzgh posted:

I'm late, but

In NY, "Supreme Court" means "District Court", which is basically the local court, and holds no precedential value over other courts in NY.

IIRC it goes Supreme Court --> Appellate Division --> Court of Appeals. Get your poo poo together NY

# ? Aug 11, 2017 12:55

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

I too am powerfully attracted to fat women, and they to me.

Because of the combined effect of the gravitational fields from our stellar-scale masses.

None of you will survive our catastrophic collision.

All the men who approach me [27F] on the street for dates are drug addicts, mentally ill, very old, or obese. Does this mean I've been ugly all this time without knowing it? Personal issues

quote:

submitted 1 year ago by yesiknowimshallow

I know this post makes me sound horrible, but I've been flamed on this sub before, and I'm on a throwaway username, so I fully expect to hear what a bad person I am.

So, I'm a married woman in her 20s. I walk a lot when doing errands or going to work so I get asked out quite often on the street (I'm guessing these guys aren't checking for a ring). Even though I'm married, I always thank them for the compliment if they're respectful about it. However, I can't help but notice the vast majority of guys who ask me out in broad daylight without knowing me are...a little odd. Either they're way older than me, possibly on drugs/homeless, or there's just something about them that's "off." I can think of maybe 5 times in my life that a stranger approached me on the street who was my age, decent-looking and seemingly mentally sound.

Men who approach me at bars or parties (usually when my husband is getting drinks or in the bathroom) tend to be more normal, the type of guys I might date if I were single, but of course I react to them the same way because I'm married and I take monogamy very seriously.

I'm thin, dress femininely and I'm married to a handsome men (with decent-looking exes before him, although nobody I liked as much as my husband) so I feel like I'm probably not HIDEOUS...but I can't help but wonder if these guys who approach me on the street are my actual "league" (which case I must have gotten extremely lucky with my husband...lol). I mean, I doubt that an in-shape woman in her 20s has a reasonable sexual match with a toothless 60 year old drug addict but that's 70% of the men who approach me out on the street. It's still a compliment to hear that someone finds me attractive, but now I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually pretty weird-looking if these guys think I'm a reasonable match for them. And then I feel self conscious, because my husband is quite cute, so maybe when we're out together people think "Gee, so sweet that he's taking his ugly old aunt out for lunch."

I know I shouldn't even care, but I guess sometimes I wonder if the men who approach me are a reasonable indicator of what I look like. Because if they are, I must be significantly less attractive than my husband, and people must notice how weird we look together. I've never thought I was a supermodel or anything, but I'd be a little disappointed to find out that I'm horribly ugly or that I look elderly.

TLDR: I always thought I was at least okay-looking, but whenever I get asked out on the street, the men are really really unattractive, on drugs, mentally ill, or really old. Does this mean I'm unattractive?

# ? Aug 11, 2017 12:56

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Bubblyblubber posted:

I too am powerfully attracted to fat women, and they to me.

Because of the combined effect of the gravitational fields from our stellar-scale masses.

None of you will survive our catastrophic collision.

All the men who approach me [27F] on the street for dates are drug addicts, mentally ill, very old, or obese. Does this mean I've been ugly all this time without knowing it? Personal issues

this is pretty funny/cute in a "ditzy sitcom wife" kind of way

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:00

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

feedmegin posted:

Personally I think fat chicks are hot

Must be like being a kid in a candy store.

I think the kids call that "thicc" these days.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:16

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Danaru posted:

Police say they can seize my property when I am not breaking any laws [TX]

He didn't use a throwaway, and spoilers, he's exactly the kind of person you think he is

The police can, in fact, seize his property in Texas when he is not breaking any laws.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:33

Tokyo Sexwale: Jul 30, 2003

WampaLord posted:

Must be like being a kid in a candy store.

I think the kids call that "thicc" these days.

the appeal determines the number of c's in "thicc"

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:33

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Jason Sextro posted:

the appeal determines the number of c's in "thicc"

The number of D's in the cup size determines the number of C's. :v:

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:41

TERRIBLE SHITLORD: Oct 20, 2005; MY NIGGA HAVE
YOU TRIED LSD

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

The number of D's in the cup size determines the number of C's.

I've always been poo poo at algebra.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:49

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

IIRC it goes Supreme Court --> Appellate Division --> Court of Appeals. Get your poo poo together NY

Nuttiest legal systems/laws in America:

New Jersey > Louisiana > NY > California

# ? Aug 11, 2017 13:54

sixth and maimed: Mar 20, 2012; Fun Shoe

pidan posted:

Wait, so if the husband wasn't overweight this scenario would be fine with you?

Yes. I don't think you have a moral obligation to stay with a person if you're no longer attracted to them. An before you ask, I'd have the same opinion if the roles were reversed.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:10

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

blarzgh posted:

Nuttiest legal systems/laws in America:

New Jersey > Louisiana > NY > California

What's up with NJ law that makes it weirder than LA's pseudo-Napoleonic system?

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:24

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

sixth and maimed posted:

Yes. I don't think you have a moral obligation to stay with a person if you're no longer attracted to them. An before you ask, I'd have the same opinion if the roles were reversed.

What you're saying in this post makes sense. But it really has nothing to do with the original post you said you agreed with.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:29

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

What's up with NJ law that makes it weirder than LA's pseudo-Napoleonic system?

For whatever reason, their Courts reach the strangest conclusions over the years. Whenever you're reading a law review article, the author will inevitably say, "Every state has adopted this provision of the model code... except for New Jersey."

Also, in New Jersey, its illegal to pump your own gas.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:31

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

blarzgh posted:

Also, in New Jersey, its illegal to pump your own gas.

Or speak like a human being.

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:35

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

The Ferret King posted:

Or speak like a human being.

But its not illegal to have your own gravitational pull

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:37

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

Every time I think I hate him, he does something that makes me go "man, maybe HE'S the one that has it right."

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2024 00:06

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Me [18M] and my girlfriend [17F] had a conversation today, and I'm not sure how I feel about it...

quote:

It basically boiled down to us realising that we both feel the exact same way about a certain issue. I know for certain I will never cheat on her, but I feel that it is inevitable that she will make a mistake and hookup with someone at a party or something. She on the other hand is sure that she will never cheat on me, but believes it is inevitable I will cheat on her. I honestly don't know how to feel. Is there something wrong with us? Is this normal insecurity? Please help. Obviously trust is not entirely there from both of us. How do we work on this?

TL;DR both know we won't cheat both think the other will. Lol.

I know picking on teenagers is easy mode, but also lol teenagers

# ? Aug 11, 2017 14:49

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »