/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

My [20F] sister [12F] stole my credit card and racked up $700 of charges. WTF.Non-Romantic

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3h0rat/my_20f_sister_12f_stole_my_credit_card_and_racked/

quote:

She has an issue of Keeping Up with the Joneses. Her friends have lots of cool stuff and she idolizes those beauty bloggers and YouTubers and wants the things they have. My parents are extremely wealthy but strict. They would reward us with things when we did well in school. She pulled C's this year and asked for an iPhone, and was obviously refused.

Early this year in September/October I noticed a lot of my makeup and shoes were going missing. We have the same size feet and the makeup items were popular "cult classics." I put up a camera when I went to work one evening and came back to check. Lo and behold she was taking stuff from my drawers, and sitting down at my vanity to use it.

Whatever, she's 12, she wants to use makeup. I "destashed" some items I never used and I gave her a fair amount. For her birthday my other sister and I (other sis does not live with us) chipped in for a Sephora gift card. We thought maybe then she'd stop taking my stuff.

It did stop, it looks like, because nothing has gone missing and I recorded for about a month and only saw her in my room when she went to fetch the dog, so nothing suspicious.

However lately she has been getting packages from Amazon, she's buying Sims games, and she's using a Netflix account. She stated she's been winning all of these things and despite questioning her she refused to really admit where she got all this stuff from so I dropped it.

About two weeks ago, everything on our desktop computer went missing. Looking into the system recovery files, it said that there was a system file reset (something along those lines) at 11:30 AM on a Thursday. Mom and I discovered the computer was wiped that evening. I saw my sister on the computer when I left for work.

We know she did something, but again, she refused to answer.

Then today, I got my Mastercard bill. It was absurdly high. I paid $78 for a yoga pass and then $10 for something from eBay. At first I thought my card info had been stolen.

But the purchases all match up with stuff she has. Origin Canada. Netflix. Amazon, Amazon, Amazon. One eBay purchase. All online purchases. $700~ worth.

I have no idea what the gently caress to do. My parents are again, super strict. Obviously I have to tell them but they are going to lose it on her. But I'm beginning to think she has a serious loving problem.

I have the money to pay down this card but I don't want to. I want to recoup the losses. But how can I get a refund on something like Netflix? I can't.

I've already called to cancel the card.

I don't know what steps to take next.

TL;DR: Sister was caught stealing real things from me and I tried to help it; now she has stolen my CC info and I have a massive bill. I don't think it's just a problem with wants.

UPDATE:

Hi everyone. Thanks for your advice and help.

I just want to add in some points that came up in comments:

I did get mad at her when she stole from me the last time. I thought that being proactive by helping her get what she wants in a proper way would help, but we did have a nasty fight about it. I didn�t just shrug it off. I now realize I totally hosed that up.

My parents were strict when I was younger so to me strict is just the word for them. But for her they have completely checked out. I am basically her parent. My older sister not as much, but she still is involved a fair amount more than my actual parents are.

I do want to lock my door but it�s where the dog hangs out, and he needs to leave to pee sometimes, so I am hesitant. I did, however, decide to order a nanny cam for my bedroom. I am still considering the lock.

Last night I came home from work and my parents had gone to bed, as well as my sister, so I decided to leave it until the morning. But I heard giggling coming from my sister�s room so I approached her and I decided to ask her about it before I talked to my parents.

Well, she full on denied it. I had printed my credit card statement and I showed it to her and she just said it wasn�t her and she didn�t do it. I am the person with the mail key (we have a community mailbox) so I was taking in her Amazon packages. They were from the Marketplace and a few of them had the prices on them so they could go through customs and those prices matched what was on my statement. My dad has a key too so he probably took in the ones I didn�t see which is why I didn�t realize it was such a big problem.

I also pointed out the Netflix charge. She said that she was using my other sister�s Netflix. Other sister lives in an area about two hours behind our time so I texted her right then and she said she doesn�t even have Netflix anymore, as it interfered too much with her doctorate work. My younger sister lied and said she was still using it.

I told her I am giving her one chance to admit it to me otherwise I�ll be talking to the parents and I will also be calling the cops. Still, she refused to admit. I even started to doubt myself. Maybe she didn�t actually do it.

I was going over all the charges and realized she�d have to have an Amazon account. I was the one who set up her email address so many years ago. If she forgot her password, my email was the recovery. I reset her password through my email.

Not only had she charged $700 in this last billing cycle, but yesterday she bought two more things off Amazon, an iTunes receipt, got a receipt from a site called The Sims Resource, and a Club Penguin membership. There were still all of the old order receipts. I reset her Amazon password and I cancelled the orders she placed. I emailed Club Penguin and Netflix and told them she was a minor and was not authorized to purchase the membership. Club Penguin was awesome and they reversed the charges for me. I guess they deal with this a lot. Netflix hasn�t responded yet.

This morning I talked to my parents. They offered to pay it for me and I told them that is not the point, I want her to learn what she did. They just dismissed it. So I told them if they don�t do something then I will not be doing their job for them anymore. I will disengage totally from my sister�s life. I told them that by choosing to ignore this, my grad school applications are immediately moving out of province.

This did upset them because my older sister had gone the same route due to their crazy behaviour so they decided to talk to her. I don�t know what they said as I had to go walk my dog but looks like there�s been 0 consequences because she looks fine and is still holed up in her room. My dad just transferred that amount to my bank account so I am assuming they just still don�t give a poo poo. I haven't yet paid the card. It is due August 27 so I have time.

I talked to my boyfriend and he has some friends on the police force as well as some paramedic friends who know the cops who do the DARE circuits, so he�s going to try and contact one of them. My older sister actually has a planned visit for next Tuesday, so we are trying to coordinate the potential police visit with that.

My older sister was shocked to hear what happened and when I told her that I might do my MSc out of province she said she and her husband have room for me at their place. I could even bring my dog if I want to. So maybe that is something to consider.

tl;dr: No one cares about what happened and I think my sister needs to see a psychologist

UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3h4lxv/my_20f_sister_12f_stole_my_credit_card_and_racked/

quote:

My boyfriend reached a cop he knows, who actually referred him to another person. He will be coming over Tuesday afternoon after my sister and brother-in-law arrive. After the cop talks to my sister my boyfriend is going to take her to the army offices which are stationed near the police headquarters. She's going to get a tour of both. We decided to do that part second because she might be more cooperative after the cop shows up.

My sister and I are going to talk to our parents about finding her a volunteer placement. My older sister suggested that she might need some perspective -- aka not owning that game is not the end of the world -- and some hard-hitting scenarios might be the best way to get that through.

I called one of my cousins who my younger sister really admires and she is going to come talk to my younger sister too when the cops come. Intervention style, I suppose. The cop and I talked on the phone just a few minutes ago and he said that this is not the first time he's done this. He has a lot of stuff he can say so I trust he will do that on his own. He told me that he often refers these kids to a counsellor and that if my sister seems willing he can refer us too.

Everyone is being really helpful. I have decided to not press charges yet. A lot of you are coming down hard on my sister and she deserves it. I might show her these threads. However -- she is still my sister. She is 12. My older sister and I basically raised her. We do not want to turn her into someone with a criminal record, even though yes, she deserves it. Right now, we have a chance to rehabilitate her, versus deciding she's not worth it and dumping her. If I leave and she has no chance in hell with my parents, I still will be partly responsible if she goes the wrong way and I didn't try anything.

It might be our house, not just her. We have extremely hosed up parents, as you guys have noted. I cannot change their ways. But if I can get her out of here, I will do so. But I can only do that if she agrees to change things. If she doesn't, then the best idea is for me to leave, because I want to have a life too.

Worthless boomer parents. And goddamn, 12 yo stealing CC numbers for Club Penguin.

# ? May 25, 2018 02:46

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# ? May 14, 2024 17:37

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

value-brand cereal posted:

Today's keyword:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl_kyhwCDtY

My (25f) mom (67) is dying. My sister (35f) is dependent on her in every possible way. Other sister (37f) and brother in law (39m) are now talking about how we will all have to take over for mom and take care of our sister. I do not want to do this.Non-Romantic
Posted byu/no-thanks-no

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/45fxwk/my_25f_mom_67_is_dying_my_sister_35f_is_dependent/

UPDATE:

Abandon your sister and consign her to oblivion.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:02

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

This is really long so I'll put a summary at the bottom of the post. But man, what the gently caress.

My [28/F] husband [37/M] of 2 years blew up at me when I asked if I could be a working SAHM, and accused me of being a horrible step parent to his daughter [8/F]. I'm crushed. Is he right?Non-Romantic

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/31txkf/my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at_me_when/

quote:

Posting from a throwaway just in case my husband or any of my family and friends reads this. I'm going to change a few details because I'm paranoid but the story is the same.

I am a saleswoman and I do very well for myself.

My husband I have been married for two years now and together for five. This is my first marriage and my husband's second.

He has an 8 year old daughter from his previous relationship and has always had full custody of her. Our dating life was tricky with him being a full time single dad and having to work long hours but we made it work.

I met his daughter when she was 4 after we had been dating for a year. I liked her very much and have always done my best to be the best stepmommy ever.

She calls me "mom" and I have done all the mom things for her. I've helped her get dressed and ready for school, done her hair, cooked her meals, helped with homework and soccer practice, taken her for ice cream dates, tucked her into bed, read her stories, etc.

I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes but overall we've been a very happy family.

When my husband and I got engaged he asked if I would like to be a stay at home mom for "Lizzy" and any future children we had. At the time I politely declined. I was doing well in my career, loved going to work and the thought of being home all day with a kid and doing nothing but housework and typical SAHM things didn't really tickle my fancy.

My (then) fiance was gracious and we BOTH assumed that was how it would be for any future children we had.

Fast forward to now and I am now 6 months pregnant with our son. I am on cloud 9. I was (am) always in a permanent state of bliss. And something in me changed.

I started thinking about being a SAHM. And suddenly, it didn't seem so bad. I am in love with my son and want to spend as much time with him as I can. I know it's not all roses and champagne, there is actually a lot of poop, drool, screaming and exhaustion involved but I can't really stand the thought of having two weeks maternity leave and then handing my son to a stranger in daycare.

I've been thinking about this for MONTHS because I wanted to make sure this was something I REALLY wanted and not wishful thinking. I weighed the pros and cons and spoke to my supervisor.

I'm at the point in my career where I could work from home full time and stay with my son and pick my stepdaughter up from school. I certainly wouldn't mind watching her and doing more things with her too.

The more I think about it, the more I want to try this.

So after I put little Lizzy to bed tonight I asked my husband if we could talk and excitedly broached my idea.

I was VERY unprepared for his reaction. My husband is FURIOUS. He yelled that we had agreed I wouldn't be a SAHM before we got married and it was bullshit I was changing my mind now. He said I was a rotten stepmother and I clearly loved our son more than Lizzy and it was disgusting the obvious favoritism I was showing him.

He also said I shouldn't be allowed to stay at home with our son if his daughter didn't get to experience it with me.

For the record, Lizzy is very excited about her little brother and can't wait for him to be born. She's never expressed any kind of anxiety, sadness or jealousy towards him or me.

I was shocked and stunned. My husband is on the couch (his choice) and I'm here crying in our room. I am so very hurt by what my husband said.

I know I'm not perfect, but I've really done the best for Lizzy that I could. I never thought I'd change my mind about being a SAHM when I got pregnant. But now I really, TRULY want to do this. And I wouldn't have to quit my job either! Which is a double bonus.

I am very hurt by what my husband said and frankly a little angry at his accusation. I do NOT love the baby more than Lizzy. I do love Lizzy and while I admit I feel a deeper connection to this baby, I feel that is due to the fact that I'm going through the experience of pregnancy and it's really hitting home for me this baby is half me. But that doesn't mean I love Lizzy any less. It's just different.

Is that really so wrong? Am I really a bad step-mom? I didn't plan on changing my mind and again I still plan to keep my job and I don't mind taking extra care of Lizzy in addition to the baby. In fact I think it might be a chance for us to grow closer and bond over the baby.

I don't know what to say to my husband. I tried telling him all the things I've said here including spending more time and growing closer to Lizzy but all he did was yell louder and say more awful things about my parenting. I'm pretty crushed and honestly growing more angry by the minute. I feel that I am a good step mom to Lizzy and she seems to think so too. The only one who seems to have a problem is my husband.

TL;DR Asked to be a SAHM for our baby after giving it considerable thought and my husband blew up at me and accused me of being a horrible parent and loving our son more than his daughter. I am shocked, hurt and angry. Advice?

UPDATE 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/339gvh/update_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

quote:

Thank you for all the kind and supportive messages on the last post. It was really helpful, as well as some of the possible suggestions as to why my husband suddenly blew up at me. I did get some nasty PM's from what sounded like bitter single dads, which only further convinced me my husband was being an absolute irrational jerk.

To address some of the questions that were asked in the last post:

At the time my husband asked me to be a SAHM we were not married, nor was I at a place in my career where I could've worked from home. I would have had to quit my job which I did not want to do, to be a parent to a child that wasn't mine to a man I wasn't married to but would have full financial dependence on. So that was a huge no go for me. But even after we were married it took awhile to still get to a place where I wouldn't have to quit my job to be a stay at home parent.

To those who were saying I couldn't expect to work full time from home AND take care of an infant and grammar school girl you're right. Maybe I worded it wrong or just didn't go into full details in my post, but while I WOULD be working from home and I CAN do it without having to quit, I would be working part-time instead of full time. My supervisor is 100% fine with this. So basically I would have 2 weeks maternity leave and then I would be working from home part time. While I will take a cut in pay my company is great and is letting me keep full benefits despite part time hours. I know my husband isn't worried about finances because even if I quit he makes more than enough to comfortably support us. I just love working too much to completely quit but my son is definitely a priority for me.

Lizzy's mom is in the picture but just barely. She has borderline personality disorder, drinks like a fish and is just basically an irresponsible party animal. She sees Lizzy maybe one weekend a month if she isn't too hungover or stoned to make an effort. The only nice thing I can say about her is that at least she makes child support payments on time, miniscule as they are. Lizzy doesn't like her very much and has made it clear she prefers me to her mother. I can't say I blame her poor dear.

So, I went to bed that night very angry after my crying jag, because I love Lizzy and have been a great mom to her.

The next couple of days were very quiet. I was distant but polite to my husband and still warm and cuddly with Lizzy. I didn't really want anything to do with him. My husband started picking on everything I did for Lizzy and around the house. Started saying more things like "Why are you bothering?" and "That's not how this should be done" and "I'll bet that makes you feel just great."

I had had enough. After I put Lizzy to bed I told my husband I was sick of his nasty attitude and he was setting a toxic environment for his daughter and that if he had something to say, he should say it.

He started to yell and scream again but I put my foot down this time. I said "I want to work through whatever problems we have and get this issue resolved because I love you and care about you. But I will not take toxic abusive behavior. I will not talk to you until you are ready to be respectful and kind."

My husband lost it even more and screamed I'm sleeping on the couch. So I said "Excuse me? I am heavily pregnant with your son and every part of me hurts. I need access to the bathroom when I wake up at night. I will be sleeping in the bed. You can either join me if you can be quiet or you can sleep out here."

He seemed kind of taken aback and I just left and went to bed. I guess he slept on the couch. The next day after Lizzy went to bed I said that I think we need to set up an appointment with a marriage counselor. My husband said I'm the only one with a problem so he won't go.

I asked him to please tell me what was bothering him then so we can work through it. In a nutshell he is pissed I didn't want to quit my job and be a SAHM for Lizzy but I do for our son and so therefore I love our son more and that makes me a terrible person.

I explained like I had before I didn't want to quit my job and be dependant on a man I wasn't married to. He got very defensive and said it's clear I've never trusted him then and that makes me a bad wife and mother. I asked why didn't HE quit his job then and be a SAHD? He blustered a bit then responded he makes more (true) and children need a mom during the early years more than a dad.

He also said that since Lizzy never had the experience of a SAHM then our son shouldn't have the "favoritism" of getting it either because it wasn't fair to Lizzy. I said it was ridiculous to punish me and our son for being unable to travel back in time and to change the uterus Lizzy was conceived in. I also said infants need a lot more care than pre-K kids.

That opened up a whole other can of worms with my husband resents me for not quitting work and being a full time SAHM and that if "I'm going to do something I should do it fully engaged" (what?)

He then went on and on about how I'm breaking our agreement for me to not be a stay at home parent and how that makes me "unstable." I pointed out I have a right to change my mind and I won't give my baby to a stranger to raise while fretting about him all day at the office. I said I was very willing to do more things with Lizzy, like take her to the zoo and museums with the baby, get involved at PTA at her school, and go to her sporting events so me and her brother can watch her while she practices. I said this is healthy for all the children and he had a warped view of justice and fairness by depriving our children of a healthy environment because Lizzy's mom was an unfit parent. I said his guilt won't go away by taking opportunities away from our kids and that I was willing to work out whatever issues there were and to go to a counselor and speak to child psychologist's and other professionals that could give him an unbiased professional opinion.

No. He became violently angry again and said I was going back to work two weeks after the birth and that was the end of the discussion. That I had "had my chance" to be a SAHM and since I didn't take it for Lizzy when I could, I wasn't "allowed" to do it now since he wouldn't let me.

Now, as much as I love my husband and our children, I will NOT be controlled. I will not be told where I can and can't work. I will not be told if I can or can't work. I am not a dog, and I am not a slave. I will not be told to deny my own baby his mother and hand him to a stranger because his sister got a bad start in life. Purposely neglecting your own child opportunities in the name of fairness is insane. THAT is being a bad parent. The fact that my husband wanted to do this to me and my son flipped a switch in me.

I stood up calmly and told my husband I was leaving. That he had crossed the line and I needed space from him and that I would not subject any child of mine to this kind of abusive controlling environment. I said when things calm down we can go to marriage counseling, because he clearly has deep seated issues that need to be worked out.

He became hysterical and said I can't leave, that we have a family, that I can't take his son, etc etc. I was just done by that point. I said that for once HE will take Lizzy to school and I will leave during that time. I went to our room and started packing.

He started throwing my clothes out of the suitcase and screaming at me. I was honestly pretty terrified. I had never seen my husband like this. I told him if he tries to prevent me from going or touches me in any way I would be calling the police. I also said I was calling my mother to come and get me. Maybe it was an over reaction but I was scared senseless and I just wanted to get myself and my son away from it.

He started crying really hard, just sobbing and walked away. I called my mother and said she needed to come and get me immediately, that I didn't feel safe and I needed to stay with her for a bit.

I quickly packed what I needed and my mom came and got me. I've been with her for about 5 days now and I feel just numb. I can't believe how fast this all happened and how my family and marriage got turned upside down in just a few days.

I wish I had never brought up being a stay at home parent. If I had't this never would've happened.

My husband and I were NC for a couple days and then he started texting and calling on day 3, saying Lizzy has been crying for me and misses me. I've ascertained that Lizzy is safe, I know my husband would never mistreat her but I spoke to her yesterday anyways and made sure she's being fed, going to school and doing her homework. She was crying and asked me when I'm coming back and I didn't know what to say to that so I said I didn't know but that I love her very much.

I told my husband to stop using Lizzy as a pawn to manipulate me into coming back because it won't work. He actually said I'm proving I'm a terrible step parent by not coming back and being there for her. I said that if I'm so terrible he shouldn't want me back then and to not speak to me again until he is ready to go to counseling and leave Lizzy out of our problems. I said if Lizzy is mentioned in any text or email I will delete it without reading the rest of it. I said any phone call where he tries to bring her up outside the context of her being safe and taken care of I will immediately hang up on. I said I do not want to talk to him right now and he should figure out what he wants because I am ready to file for divorce if he doesn't pull it together soon.

My husband started crying again but I just hung up because I was too exhausted to deal with any more that day.

He's been silent since except for one text I got today saying he wants me back and misses me.

I really don't know where to go from here, I'm still trying to process all of it,although writing it down here helps. I just can't believe my husband did all of this and am wondering if he just had a psychotic break. I'm wondering what red flags I've missed all this time and why I was stupid enough to marry and have a family with this guy and how could I have been so blind.

I want to divorce him but I'm not ready to head for the divorce court yet. I want some space and time to process it all and see if my husband shows signs of wanting to go to counseling or trying to repair the damage done. If this was just a one time thing or if this is who he really is.

I feel terrible for Lizzy but I can't put myself or my son in jeopardy by moving back out of guilt. I'm being selfish right now and saying that my son and I are priority right now. I have to do what's best for my son.

TL;DR Situation went completely out of control. My husband had what I think was a psychotic break and I had to leave. I am staying with my mother right now and trying to process everything and decide where to move forward from here.

UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3c8rpq/update_2_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

quote:

Hi everyone. I know it's been a long time but I just wanted to give a brief update while I still have time. I put small whales to shame with my current size and my baby is ready to burst out of me in just a few weeks although he technically could come any day now.

So, after my last post, my husband's brother and best friend went over there to figure out what the hell was going on.

M boss was gracious and let me start maternity leave early, saying to take my time and figure out what I'm going to do and my job is ready for me when I come back. So they are taking really good care of me.

I also got a personal therapist because obvious reasons are obvious. I was a numb shell for awhile and one day I just broke and started crying and crying and crying and could not stop for the life of me. I don't think I've cried that hard ever in my life. My therapist has been a great part of my support system and guiding me through my issues and supporting my decisions.

So, as I said my husband's brother and friend went over there to talk to him. And they told me that he told them he was pissed off I was breaking our previous "agreement" and that he couldn't help but feel I didn't love Lizzy or that I loved our son more and that maybe he made a mistake marrying me because now I was "picking sides" and "being unstable" and that I had left when he told me to treat the children fairly because he didn't think our son should get a SAHM because Lizzy didn't.

And they completely ripped into him. His best friend, Craig, asked him what the gently caress was he on to come to such a ridiculous conclusion. He pointed out all I had ever done for Lizzy and that me being a part time working SAHM would benefit her too because I would be able to do more things with her and spend more time with her. And also that he was a moron and I was smart and clearly not after his money because I could've been an SAHM for just her and let him be the sole financial provider but I didn't.

His brother, Daniel, was even more blunt. Daniel called my husband an rear end in a top hat and douche bag and said point blank he didn't deserve me. He said my husband was being a controlling jerk and punishing me for his bitch of an ex wife he shouldn't have married and reproduced with in the first place.

Apparently there is a lot of family anger on my husband's side for him marrying and having a kid with his ex wife and I won't go into it.

Anyways Daniel said I was the best thing to ever happen to him (my husband) and Lizzy and he was ruining it with his own two hands and he better "man the gently caress up" and get over his ex and start treating me better and appreciating me more. And that he was being a lovely parent to Lizzy and our son by thinking that forcing me to return to work was ok because that made it "fair." And that I was a far better mother to Lizzy than his ex ever was and I did a drat good job of showing my love for her.

I wrote that my husband started texting me in my last post and then he started blowing up my phone, begging me to come back, that he couldn't function, etc. He also broke my rule and said Lizzy wasn't doing well without me which really angered me and broke my heart because I love that little girl but it felt so manipulative. I basically told my husband if he continues to use Lizzy as a reason I should come back, I would be filing for divorce because I would not be with someone who uses a child as a manipulative tool. And that I didn't want to be a replacement mom for Lizzy, I wanted to be his wife and have a family with him that included Lizzy. I said get a therapist and into couple's counseling with me or he would be getting divorce papers because I will not have my son in a toxic, controlling environment.

My husband agreed to both, saying he couldn't live without me and he knew he needed help.

Our couples therapist was great, she touched on all the issues I wrote about and tried to get my husband to see he was being unfair and controlling and that, while it was understandable he would have a lot of fear and pain from his previous marriage, it was cruel to take out his issues on me because I had never wronged him and was not his ex wife, so why was he making for me paying for what she did to him?

It basically boiled down to my husband being afraid of me becoming like his ex and that I would favor our son and hurt his daughter or love her anymore.

The therapist touched on the issue of "his kids vs. my/our kids." She said my husband needed to keep in mind that it is natural to feel more connected and attached to biological children as opposed to step children. She told my husband that while both Lizzy and our son were his children, this was not the case for me, and not only was that natural and expected, it was ok. She asked had I not been loving and kind with Lizzy, had I not taken care of her, did I go out of my way and sacrifice for her as would any other parent do? My husband replied hesitantly but positively to all the questions. So she said then there was nothing wrong with my feelings or changing my mind, as long as I continued to treat Lizzy with love, respect and kindness that there wasn't a problem.

She also pointed out that while he might be affronted because Lizzy is also his biological child it was not fair of him to expect I feel the same love and connection to her as he did. That it was, in fact, impossible because I had not carried her, gave birth to her, nursed her and didn't come into my life until she was already a little girl. She said there are many kinds of love and me having this special bond with the baby and wanting to stay home and "nest" was not only natural, it didn't mean I had lost any maternal love for Lizzy. That it wasn't "less" or "wrong" or "unfair" just "different" and that one of the biggest mistakes biological parents make with the step parent is guilting or bullying them about their feelings towards step children vs. biological children and insisting it has to be exactly the same. She said while that is also a natural and protective instinct, that the biological parent actually ends up being the one causing friction and tension and making both step parent and child feel inferior and if care isn't taken, the step child can end up being the favored one because the biological parent tries to make up for a favoritism they believes exists (this was starting to be my feeling).

She wrapped up by saying parents even tend to have favorites among biological children but that the key was to not act on that or make it obvious. And that was what I was doing and that it sounded like I had done a great job so far and that we were even ahead of the game because Lizzy was excited about the pregnancy and had a very positive and close relationship with me.

My husband tried to argue saying me staying home with our son but not her was blatant favortism. The therapist countered with many of the points made in the last post.

That I was not in a place in my career at the time to work from home (I would have had to quit my job at the time in order to do so)

I was not in a place in our relationship to be a SAHM (I was not yet married and didn't feel comfortable giving up all my financial security without being married)

That Lizzy was already ready to be in pre-school, she wasn't an infant, and that most people wouldn't want to give up a career they love to stay home full time to a child that didn't need full time care and that they had no biological connection to.

Lizzy wouldn't know the difference because she was old enough to know I wasn't her mother and didn't come into the picture until she was past the baby/toddler stage and that even small children can understand babies need more care than preschoolers, especially if it is explained calmly to them.

In short, she said the fact I was more than happy to spend more time with Lizzy, wanted her to be in the baby's life, wasn't being territorial or aggressive about the pregnancy and was still taking an active role in Lizzy's life were very good signs and that we were, in fact, doing much better than many step families in our position.

I'm sorry to say my husband tried but just couldn't accept it. We tried going on family outings more and therapy but he backed out saying he felt he was "being ganged up on" and that "no one was on his side."

He simply couldn't see why I should stay home to work with the baby. I asked point blank if he even wanted the baby and seemed shocked and said of course he did, he just wanted to make sure his daughter got what was "owed" to her.

In the end, he refused to compromise. And frankly, I saw it as being blatantly unfair and cruel to our son to insist he had to be put in day care or given to a nanny or au pair. All in the name of " "fairness" despite both his therapist and ours explaining fairness does not always mean equality. It's like he didn't WANT to see how me being a SAHM would also greatly benefit his daughter.

I think my husband expected me to cave. All it did was make me lose love and affection for him, especially when he quit therapy.

I warned him if he did or tried to insist on having his way I would be filing for at the very least legal separation. I think he thought I was bluffing.

Because when nothing changed I went straight to the attorney's office. He was completely shocked when I had him served.

I have arranged a semi-formal custody arrangement. I will keep the working from home arrangement while staying with my parents. My husband is not allowed to be in the birthing room when I go into labor, he has to stay in the waiting room. He can see and hold our son but he will have to do it while I am there with someone else there. I insisted on this because I am frankly very afraid now of my husband and do not trust him at all.

My husband is consumed with shock and grief. His family is furious with him and completely supports me although of course they are very upset by the whole thing. I have told all of his family they are more than welcome to come to the birth and hold the baby. In fact, I WANT them there so they can supervise my husband with the baby so he doesn't do something horrible.

My husband texts and calls and emails me constantly. He says he can't believe I'm doing this, why can't I listen to him and understand him, please come back and be a family again, etc.

I have told him he needs to get back into therapy and that I need to be able to trust him with our son, and that trust will only come when I see a change in his attitude regarding our son and my step daughter. And that I need to feel like a wife to him and not just a mom to Lizzy. I love Lizzy. I truly do. I cry every day over losing her. But I didn't marry my husband to be her mom, although I knew that was part of the package deal, I did it because I loved my husband and wanted a life with him.

Lizzy calls me often and I talk to her. I've seen her a few times since this fiasco. Her father is not allowed to talk about her to me because I feel he's being manipulative. But I don't want to cut Lizzy out cold turkey either. I love that girl, I truly do, and I've cried so many tears over her going through this.

I tell Lizzy I love her very much, that NONE of this is her fault, and that I'm doing the best I can to make things work. I tell her I still want her to be in my life and her brother's life and that she's the best bonus daughter and sister in the world.

I've heard (from my husband's family) Lizzy is not taking our seperation well and has even screamed at her dad for "making both of my mommies leave." I've been afraid Lizzy would hate me for this but, in fact, just the opposite has happened. Her grades are failing, she's depressed and she cries all the time and has become very disrespectful to her dad. I have begged my husband to please get that girl counseling and he has which has been helping her.

The guilt I feel is overwhelming and crushing. I feel like I've single handedly destroyed my family but I know I am making the right decision by sticking to my guns and insisting I be treated with love and respect and that my husband do the same for BOTH of the kids. I can't fix him and if he's unwilling to get help for his issues, I have no future with him.

I'm not willing to go for divorce yet, hence the Legal Separation. My husband insists he wants this to work. I said I need to see changes in his life, starting with him getting back into therapy.

I want to save my marriage, but I've done all I can and if my husband won't do his part, there's nothing I can do except move on. I've told my husband if he has not gotten therapy by the time our son is a month old I will be filing for divorce and that if he abuses me, hurts me or even THINKS of dating other people, again, I will be filing for divorce.

All in all, a sad update but one that is a type of catharsis for me so I thought I would share. Thank you to everyone who has given me such great advice and support before, you're all wonderful. Sorry this was so long, and couldn't be better news.

TL;DR Husband and I went to counseling but husband didn't want to listen. He backed out and basically said his way or the highway. I've filed for separation. His family is on my side. Lizzy is crushed and I miss her every day. My life feels like it's falling apart and I am heartbroken but trying to stay strong. If husband doesn't get into therapy in the next couple of months or there is any more abuse or he tries dating people I am filing for divorce.

Basically the OP didn't want to be a stay at home mom to Lizzy, her boyfriend's daughter from another mother, while she wasn't married to him and since she wanted to continue to work and be fairly independent. OP got married to boyfriend finally, got pregnant and finally wanted to be a stay at home mom to both Lizzy and the coming infant. Husband goes batshit because he thinks the unborn child doesn't deserve to have a stay at home mom when his daughter Lizzy didn't get one.

OP puts her foot down with great courage and spine-having, insists counseling, which results in the husband doubling down and being using his daughter as a manipulating pawn in addition to screaming fits and other abusive tactics. Husband's family, including his own brother, tells him he's a huge dumbass idiot pissbaby but he's too dumb to understand or change his opinion. So they're getting divorced.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:07

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

value-brand cereal posted:

This is really long so I'll put a summary at the bottom of the post. But man, what the gently caress.

My [28/F] husband [37/M] of 2 years blew up at me when I asked if I could be a working SAHM, and accused me of being a horrible step parent to his daughter [8/F]. I'm crushed. Is he right?Non-Romantic

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/31txkf/my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at_me_when/

UPDATE 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/339gvh/update_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3c8rpq/update_2_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

Basically the OP didn't want to be a stay at home mom to Lizzy, her boyfriend's daughter from another mother, while she wasn't married to him and since she wanted to continue to work and be fairly independent. OP got married to boyfriend finally, got pregnant and finally wanted to be a stay at home mom to both Lizzy and the coming infant. Husband goes batshit because he thinks the unborn child doesn't deserve to have a stay at home mom when his daughter Lizzy didn't get one.

OP puts her foot down with great courage and spine-having, insists counseling, which results in the husband doubling down and being using his daughter as a manipulating pawn in addition to screaming fits and other abusive tactics. Husband's family, including his own brother, tells him he's a huge dumbass idiot pissbaby but he's too dumb to understand or change his opinion. So they're getting divorced.

5,844 words.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:34

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Motronic posted:

Ham Sandwiches posted:
We don�t fight ever. Just have been arguing

They don�t yell, they use apologetics.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:37

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Honestly the pregnant lady owns. Housebreak your scumbag husband by shoving his face into his puddle of piss.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:40

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

5,844 words.

Thank God value-brand cereal summed it up at the end, that�s far too much to read and continue caring

# ? May 25, 2018 03:42

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

5,844 words.

Thanks Rain Man.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:46

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

HIJK posted:

Honestly the pregnant lady owns. Housebreak your scumbag husband by shoving his face into his puddle of piss.

She loving rules.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:46

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

SAHM posted:

He became hysterical and said I can't leave, that we have a family, that I can't take his son, etc etc. I was just done by that point. I said that for once HE will take Lizzy to school and I will leave during that time. I went to our room and started packing.

He started throwing my clothes out of the suitcase and screaming at me. I was honestly pretty terrified. I had never seen my husband like this. I told him if he tries to prevent me from going or touches me in any way I would be calling the police. I also said I was calling my mother to come and get me. Maybe it was an over reaction but I was scared senseless and I just wanted to get myself and my son away from it.

Just for the record that's not an overreaction at all, and the only regrettable part of the story is that she had to leave the older child with this rear end in a top hat.

# ? May 25, 2018 03:54

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

Husband deserves some props too. Most guys with his thought process would have acquiesced and slowly built resentment for years, filling everyone's lives with bitterness all to reach the same ending. Being being an intransigent rear end in a top hat he saved everyone (except his daughter) years of pain. Edit: wait I stopped reading too soon, she's only separating, not divorcing yet and wants to give him another chance. Let's hope he continues to be intransigent, then.

Peaceful Anarchy fucked around with this message at 03:57 on May 25, 2018

# ? May 25, 2018 03:55

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

I'm glad lazy broken sister is not dragging down the OP that has figured out that sis is full of poo poo and is gonna have to sink or swim.

# ? May 25, 2018 04:27

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Admiral Ray posted:

Abandon your sister and consign her to oblivion.

Sister says she'd set herself on fire to keep her sisters warm but won't even take a job at McD to keep from driving oldest sister into poverty.

Like did nobody frame it that way for her?

EDIT: The therapist probably did and I either missed it or OP left it out, but it really cuts right through her deflective bs imo. It's not a hypothetical about taking care of a broke lazy sister then, it's about the actual real life situation she's inflicting on people around her. I'm sympathetic to mental illness and food service work sucks but you gotta just suck it up or you won't get better.

# ? May 25, 2018 04:38

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

value-brand cereal posted:

This is really long so I'll put a summary at the bottom of the post. But man, what the gently caress.

My [28/F] husband [37/M] of 2 years blew up at me when I asked if I could be a working SAHM, and accused me of being a horrible step parent to his daughter [8/F]. I'm crushed. Is he right?Non-Romantic

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/31txkf/my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at_me_when/

UPDATE 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/339gvh/update_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3c8rpq/update_2_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

Basically the OP didn't want to be a stay at home mom to Lizzy, her boyfriend's daughter from another mother, while she wasn't married to him and since she wanted to continue to work and be fairly independent. OP got married to boyfriend finally, got pregnant and finally wanted to be a stay at home mom to both Lizzy and the coming infant. Husband goes batshit because he thinks the unborn child doesn't deserve to have a stay at home mom when his daughter Lizzy didn't get one.

OP puts her foot down with great courage and spine-having, insists counseling, which results in the husband doubling down and being using his daughter as a manipulating pawn in addition to screaming fits and other abusive tactics. Husband's family, including his own brother, tells him he's a huge dumbass idiot pissbaby but he's too dumb to understand or change his opinion. So they're getting divorced.

# ? May 25, 2018 04:46

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Gf [25F] leaves messes and neglects chores but tries to act cute and claims she "can't adult today" every time. I [27F] getting fed up.

We've been together for 2 years, living together for roughly 6 months. We're both women btw.

Anyways, my gf has had a tough time adjusting to the "adult" world after college but I feel like she gives no shits sometimes and refuses to help herself. Most recently, she really taken to the "adulting" meme (which I hate with a fiery passion) and will often refer to acts of laziness or neglect as "she can't adult." I guess she thinks it makes it cute and acceptable, but it doesn't.

She's been working for 4 years but has heard no news of any kind of promotion. I think it's because she's frequently late for work, sometimes even up to an hour, and she takes off a LOT of random days for random things. I've asked her how her work feels about, say, her taking off a day because she's binge-watching a Netflix show and wants to finish it, but she just shrugs. Obviously, her work isn't super fond of her because she says people hired after her are already her superiors. Whenever I bring it up, she does some variation of the "adulting" thing and says there are some days she needs to take a break from being an adult. She calls them mental health days.

Another thing is that since we live together, she does a LOT of stupid, neglectful things but doesn't own up to them. We had a betta fish that died because it jumped out of its fishbowl (she put too much water in despite what I told her) and flopped on the ground. Gf claims she saw this happening but somehow didn't want to do anything. I came home to a dried up fish carcass in the middle of our kitchen.

Dishes are frequently left in the sink, beds unmade, half-eaten food left in the bedroom, bills taken then carelessly thrown away or put somewhere I wouldn't look causing us to pay bills late, etc. I'm beginning to feel like a nagger, but gf wants me to give her a break because she can't be "adulting" all the time. As if asking her to be an adult full-time is too much, so I can only expect her to be responsible like half the time?

The most annoying thing is when she does do a basic task, like pick her clothes up from the floor or pay a bill, she wants huge congratulations for "adulting so hard" or "look at me adult." It'd be fine and cute if she said it once in a while (and wasn't a slob) but it makes me cringe when she says it all the time after purely basic life-maintenance tasks. What should I do?

Tldr: Gf claims she needs time off from "adulting" and often neglects chores, tasks, etc. I'm finding this really frustrating and getting resentful of her messes and ignored responsibilities. What should I do in this situation?

# ? May 25, 2018 09:17

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

Ok can we all just agree to not use the word nagger? Its impossible not to at least snicker and then it makes you feel like a jerk for laughing. Not cool, lady

# ? May 25, 2018 10:13

Darkhold: Feb 19, 2011; No Heart❤️
No Soul👻
No Service🙅

Preggo lady is up there with Pete. Really it's a wall worth reading for once.

Poor Lizzy.

# ? May 25, 2018 10:57

Freudian: Mar 23, 2011

Yeah, even the little kid knows he's the shithead here. I can't believe this all started from "hey hon, I'm gonna adjust my working situation to better take care of our infant son".

# ? May 25, 2018 11:06

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Gf [25F] leaves messes and neglects chores but tries to act cute and claims she "can't adult today" every time. I [27F] getting fed up.

We've been together for 2 years, living together for roughly 6 months. We're both women btw.

Anyways, my gf has had a tough time adjusting to the "adult" world after college but I feel like she gives no shits sometimes and refuses to help herself. Most recently, she really taken to the "adulting" meme (which I hate with a fiery passion) and will often refer to acts of laziness or neglect as "she can't adult." I guess she thinks it makes it cute and acceptable, but it doesn't.

She's been working for 4 years but has heard no news of any kind of promotion. I think it's because she's frequently late for work, sometimes even up to an hour, and she takes off a LOT of random days for random things. I've asked her how her work feels about, say, her taking off a day because she's binge-watching a Netflix show and wants to finish it, but she just shrugs. Obviously, her work isn't super fond of her because she says people hired after her are already her superiors. Whenever I bring it up, she does some variation of the "adulting" thing and says there are some days she needs to take a break from being an adult. She calls them mental health days.

Another thing is that since we live together, she does a LOT of stupid, neglectful things but doesn't own up to them. We had a betta fish that died because it jumped out of its fishbowl (she put too much water in despite what I told her) and flopped on the ground. Gf claims she saw this happening but somehow didn't want to do anything. I came home to a dried up fish carcass in the middle of our kitchen.

Dishes are frequently left in the sink, beds unmade, half-eaten food left in the bedroom, bills taken then carelessly thrown away or put somewhere I wouldn't look causing us to pay bills late, etc. I'm beginning to feel like a nagger, but gf wants me to give her a break because she can't be "adulting" all the time. As if asking her to be an adult full-time is too much, so I can only expect her to be responsible like half the time?

The most annoying thing is when she does do a basic task, like pick her clothes up from the floor or pay a bill, she wants huge congratulations for "adulting so hard" or "look at me adult." It'd be fine and cute if she said it once in a while (and wasn't a slob) but it makes me cringe when she says it all the time after purely basic life-maintenance tasks. What should I do?

Tldr: Gf claims she needs time off from "adulting" and often neglects chores, tasks, etc. I'm finding this really frustrating and getting resentful of her messes and ignored responsibilities. What should I do in this situation?

Don't date children holds true even for lesbians

quote:

Yeah, even the little kid knows he's the shithead here. I can't believe this all started from "hey hon, I'm gonna adjust my working situation to better take care of our infant son".

He carly has some sort of psychological proven that this triggered because holy loving poo poo, dude

tactlessbastard fucked around with this message at 13:04 on May 25, 2018

# ? May 25, 2018 13:02

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Gf [25F] leaves messes and neglects chores but tries to act cute and claims she "can't adult today" every time. I [27F] getting fed up.

We've been together for 2 years, living together for roughly 6 months. We're both women btw.

Anyways, my gf has had a tough time adjusting to the "adult" world after college but I feel like she gives no shits sometimes and refuses to help herself. Most recently, she really taken to the "adulting" meme (which I hate with a fiery passion) and will often refer to acts of laziness or neglect as "she can't adult." I guess she thinks it makes it cute and acceptable, but it doesn't.

She's been working for 4 years but has heard no news of any kind of promotion. I think it's because she's frequently late for work, sometimes even up to an hour, and she takes off a LOT of random days for random things. I've asked her how her work feels about, say, her taking off a day because she's binge-watching a Netflix show and wants to finish it, but she just shrugs. Obviously, her work isn't super fond of her because she says people hired after her are already her superiors. Whenever I bring it up, she does some variation of the "adulting" thing and says there are some days she needs to take a break from being an adult. She calls them mental health days.

Another thing is that since we live together, she does a LOT of stupid, neglectful things but doesn't own up to them. We had a betta fish that died because it jumped out of its fishbowl (she put too much water in despite what I told her) and flopped on the ground. Gf claims she saw this happening but somehow didn't want to do anything. I came home to a dried up fish carcass in the middle of our kitchen.

Dishes are frequently left in the sink, beds unmade, half-eaten food left in the bedroom, bills taken then carelessly thrown away or put somewhere I wouldn't look causing us to pay bills late, etc. I'm beginning to feel like a nagger, but gf wants me to give her a break because she can't be "adulting" all the time. As if asking her to be an adult full-time is too much, so I can only expect her to be responsible like half the time?

The most annoying thing is when she does do a basic task, like pick her clothes up from the floor or pay a bill, she wants huge congratulations for "adulting so hard" or "look at me adult." It'd be fine and cute if she said it once in a while (and wasn't a slob) but it makes me cringe when she says it all the time after purely basic life-maintenance tasks. What should I do?

Tldr: Gf claims she needs time off from "adulting" and often neglects chores, tasks, etc. I'm finding this really frustrating and getting resentful of her messes and ignored responsibilities. What should I do in this situation?

Your GF is seriously depressed. You aren't obligated to stay with someone who isn't willing to help themselves/get therapy though.

# ? May 25, 2018 13:05

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Gf [25F] leaves messes and neglects chores but tries to act cute and claims she "can't adult today" every time. I [27F] getting fed up.

This honestly sounds like untreated ADHD.

# ? May 25, 2018 14:22

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

girl pants posted:

This honestly sounds like untreated ADHD.

Whatever it is, I've met a few people who think being "cute and helpless" will get them out of functioning as a normal human being.

Past the age of 8 it is not nearly as cute as they think.

# ? May 25, 2018 14:29

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

loquacius posted:

the Pirates porn: funny to talk about the concept of, awkward to discuss the specific details of, super awkward to actually put on to watch with people

This is from pages and pages back but I hosted a party with a bunch of friends in college where we actually did this. Maybe we were just the right shade of drunk but it was hilarious and a lot of fun to watch. There was one sex scene in the cabin of the ship where the participants knock a lit candle off a table in their enthusiasm and somebody at the party went "they're going to set the ship on fire!" and Tim, our most soft-spoken and delicate friend, goes "YEAH THEY ARE" and it was a good moment.

# ? May 25, 2018 14:50

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Darkhold posted:

Preggo lady is up there with Pete. Really it's a wall worth reading for once.

Poor Lizzy.

Pregnant Pete!

That lady owns and I can't blame her for still holding out some sliver of hope her husband will realize he's being a complete rear end in a top hat. She's been a mother to that girl for 4 years, is about to have his kid, and prior to this explosion everything seemed great/normal. She's taken the right steps every time and is remaining firm, hoping each time that the escalating consequences will be enough to snap him out of it. They're doomed as a couple because that guy is seemingly never going to come to his senses (despite literally everyone telling him he's wrong) and even if he does, the damage done is incredibly massive at this point.

The best end to this is Pregnant Pete ending up with the husbands best friend or brother that gave him that intervention and somehow getting custody of Lizzy from him. All the good people get to live happily ever after and dipshit can have his whole world collapse around him.

# ? May 25, 2018 14:57

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Buzkashi posted:

This is from pages and pages back but I hosted a party with a bunch of friends in college where we actually did this. Maybe we were just the right shade of drunk but it was hilarious and a lot of fun to watch. There was one sex scene in the cabin of the ship where the participants knock a lit candle off a table in their enthusiasm and somebody at the party went "they're going to set the ship on fire!" and Tim, our most soft-spoken and delicate friend, goes "YEAH THEY ARE" and it was a good moment.

Iirc that was a thing with Pirates specifically when it came out. It was the first porn to have high production values or the first one to have an actual plot or something? They even did an official cut that took out the porn and just left the plot. I was in college and it definitely featured at more than one party.

# ? May 25, 2018 15:02

Clarence: May 3, 2012

I've just realised that Pirate porn isn't porn that involves pirates - with swashbuckling and mizzenmasts and cries of "Yaaarrrrrr!". I think I'm... disappointed?

# ? May 25, 2018 15:09

champagne posting: Apr 5, 2006; YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER

13Pandora13 posted:

Your GF is seriously depressed. You aren't obligated to stay with someone who isn't willing to help themselves/get therapy though.

Lady your girlfriend sounds like just that, a girl.

# ? May 25, 2018 15:10

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Clarence posted:

I've just realised that Pirate porn isn't porn that involves pirates - with swashbuckling and mizzenmasts and cries of "Yaaarrrrrr!". I think I'm... disappointed?

No that's exactly what it is https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_(2005_film)

# ? May 25, 2018 15:19

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

The Pirates! is better.

# ? May 25, 2018 15:22

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Clarence posted:

I've just realised that Pirate porn isn't porn that involves pirates - with swashbuckling and mizzenmasts and cries of "Yaaarrrrrr!". I think I'm... disappointed?

Oh no there were *lots* of masts, my friend

# ? May 25, 2018 16:12

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

value-brand cereal posted:

This is really long so I'll put a summary at the bottom of the post. But man, what the gently caress.

My [28/F] husband [37/M] of 2 years blew up at me when I asked if I could be a working SAHM, and accused me of being a horrible step parent to his daughter [8/F]. I'm crushed. Is he right?Non-Romantic

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/31txkf/my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at_me_when/

UPDATE 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/339gvh/update_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

UPDATE 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3c8rpq/update_2_my_28f_husband_37m_of_2_years_blew_up_at/

Basically the OP didn't want to be a stay at home mom to Lizzy, her boyfriend's daughter from another mother, while she wasn't married to him and since she wanted to continue to work and be fairly independent. OP got married to boyfriend finally, got pregnant and finally wanted to be a stay at home mom to both Lizzy and the coming infant. Husband goes batshit because he thinks the unborn child doesn't deserve to have a stay at home mom when his daughter Lizzy didn't get one.

OP puts her foot down with great courage and spine-having, insists counseling, which results in the husband doubling down and being using his daughter as a manipulating pawn in addition to screaming fits and other abusive tactics. Husband's family, including his own brother, tells him he's a huge dumbass idiot pissbaby but he's too dumb to understand or change his opinion. So they're getting divorced.

I have a deep hatred for the father here.

# ? May 25, 2018 16:54

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Buzkashi posted:

This is from pages and pages back but I hosted a party with a bunch of friends in college where we actually did this. Maybe we were just the right shade of drunk but it was hilarious and a lot of fun to watch. There was one sex scene in the cabin of the ship where the participants knock a lit candle off a table in their enthusiasm and somebody at the party went "they're going to set the ship on fire!" and Tim, our most soft-spoken and delicate friend, goes "YEAH THEY ARE" and it was a good moment.

Back in college I had decided to close out my paypal account because gently caress paypal, and rather than try to transfer the money into a checking account I figured I'd just buy something off ebay and abandon the remaining pennies. So I go into the random weird poo poo tab on ebay and find a listing called "anime sampler box - 27 discs!" and it was for exactly the amount left in that paypal account. Clearly this is a sign and I should buy this thing with my remaining $4.12 cents or whatever. I get the box about a week later, and it's 27 burned DVDs with a partial list of contents; and it's all hentai. Really loving hilarious hentai. I told my friends and since we didn't recognize any of the titles but we were already drunk, we popped one into a laptop and had a grand old time watching random porn and laughing about how hosed up it was while getting hosed up. And so for a pretty long time The Box became a thing we'd do; buy a few dozen beers and make fun of this poo poo MST3K style.

# ? May 25, 2018 17:03

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Admiral Ray posted:

I have a deep hatred for the father here.

First wife clearly broke his brain, but he's already hit the snooze button on half a dozen wake up calls so any sympathy is gone.

# ? May 25, 2018 17:06

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

My [35 M] girlfriend's [36 F] friend [21 F] who has never been in a serious relationship is trying to convince her to break up with me because of disagreements that are normal in a relationship.

quote:

My girlfriend Lisa works as a programmer and for a while she's been the only woman in her group. A year ago, another female engineer, Jen, was hired.

Jen started looking to Lisa for professional mentorship, and they also became friends over time, going out for drinks together and going to the gym together.

Lisa told me she was really impressed by Jen, she was smart and tough and a really hard worker. Jen's apparently really well liked at work, outgoing and helpful.

But when I first met Jen at one of Lisa's work happy hours, I was pretty unimpressed by her. She seemed like the type who tries obnoxiously hard to prove she can "hang with the guys", making a lot of dirty jokes or ribbing jokes to everyone. Liking beer and cars, hating cooking and taking care of kids, and making sure everyone knows that. She also talked about her male and female FWBs in a way that made it seem like she was saying "I'm cooler than all you in LTRs".

I didn't want to cause issues with Lisa so I didn't tell her what I thought of Jen.

Over the last few months, Lisa and I have been having some arguments about stuff like where we're going to move, and our careers, and the split of work between us.

I guess Lisa has been confiding all of this in Jen, because I happened upon texts between the two of them when Lisa left Facebook messenger open on a shared Ipad we have.

One of the coversations seemed to be continued after they talked in person, so I was missing some context, but Jen seemed to be trying to get Lisa to reconsider her relationship with me.

Basically saying stuff like "Do you really think it's fair you work harder, make more, and still end up doing more than your share of work at home? Think about what it would be like if you moved into a bigger place"

And "Do you really want to compromise on where to live, I know you hate the suburbs. And that place you saw last week was so far from work.. You already work so much, you don't need a commute on top of that."

And even "What are you getting out of this relationship? Sounds like he's acting more like your kid than an equal."

Lisa was just responding by saying Jen was giving her a lot to think about, and sometimes venting about specific petty things, like me not knowing how she likes her laundry done or dishes put away.

This feels like such a betrayal to me. Jen's basically never been in a relationship longer than 3 months, tosses people away when they stop being fun, and she obviously knows nothing about commitment.

She's basically telling Lisa not to make compromises, she should insist on what she wants. And it seems like she's blowing things out of proportion, such as my work at home.

I've been trying to do my fair share after our last argument about it, buy Jen's trying to convince Lisa that I'll never change, and that she'll have to treat me like a kid who has to be told / taught how to do chores forever.

How should I talk to Lisa about her friendship with Jen?

It's lovely how Lisa went outside of our relationship with her problems instead of trying harder to address them with me, and she couldn't have picked a worse person to confide in.

Tldr - My girlfriend's friend seems to be trying to convince her I'm not right for her. This friend knows nothing about long term relationships, she's only had flings and fuckbuddies.

# ? May 25, 2018 18:02

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

P-Mack posted:

First wife clearly broke his brain, but he's already hit the snooze button on half a dozen wake up calls so any sympathy is gone.

ah yes if you take a long enough view, it was a woman's fault lmao

# ? May 25, 2018 18:05

Barudak: May 7, 2007

fruit on the bottom posted:

My [35 M] girlfriend's [36 F] friend [21 F] who has never been in a serious relationship is trying to convince her to break up with me because of disagreements that are normal in a relationship.

Buddy when you say normal arguments in a relationship Im thinking �what brand of toliet paper will this household defend to the death� not �Im a piece of poo poo who expects my girlfiend to do all the housework and move to accomdate me�

# ? May 25, 2018 18:06

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Barudak posted:

Buddy when you say normal arguments in a relationship Im thinking �what brand of toliet paper will this household defend to the death� not �Im a piece of poo poo who expects my girlfiend to do all the housework and move to accomdate me�

I'd love to know the specifics on whether or not he's actually a lazy poo poo or if Jen just wants in Lisa's pants and is paving the way for it to happen. I'm leaning towards him actually being a lazy poo poo, but would be interesting to get more details there.

# ? May 25, 2018 18:32

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Since he acknowledges being a lazy poo poo ("I've been trying to do my fair share after our last argument about it") and doesn't even try arguing against the other points, I'm leaning toward lazy shithead

# ? May 25, 2018 18:40

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

fruit on the bottom posted:

My [35 M] girlfriend's [36 F] friend [21 F] who has never been in a serious relationship is trying to convince her to break up with me because of disagreements that are normal in a relationship.

quote:

And even "What are you getting out of this relationship? Sounds like he's acting more like your kid than an equal."

...

I've been trying to do my fair share after our last argument about it, buy Jen's trying to convince Lisa that I'll never change, and that she'll have to treat me like a kid who has to be told / taught how to do chores forever.

Lmao

# ? May 25, 2018 18:42

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# ? May 14, 2024 17:37

Agent Burt Macklin: Jul 3, 2003; Macklin, you son of a bitch

Admiral Ray posted:

I have a deep hatred for the father here.

Reading through all that - assuming this came out of nowhere, did the husband have some sort of break with reality? In her last update, someone mentions that despite friends, family and their therapist telling him he is in the wrong here he doesn't appear to have taken a second to reconsider his position. That isn't normal behavior.

# ? May 25, 2018 18:48

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