PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Agent (7)47

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Agent (7)47

«‹›1265 »

venus de lmao: Apr 30, 2007; Call me "pixeltits"

I'm not sure which is better, butt loans or rear end-based morality.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 00:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 23:39

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

quote:

The store page says you can touch the one girl's butt but the truth is you can actually touch almost any NPC butt. Even cats and dogs.

Touch-butt on the bork.

Touch-bork in the park.

Someone go kick the UFC thread. Matt Lindland can do better.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 00:47

ToxicSlurpee: Nov 5, 2003; -=SEND HELP=-; Pillbug

Pick posted:

How can this be the case when software engineers, as they'll tell you, are the most smarterest people in the world?

No matter how smart you are software engineering involves thinking in ways that meat brains are badly equipped for. Like yeah a stupid person probably can't do it but those that really get it acknowledge that there is no such thing as good code.

One if the things that skews opinions is that it's far easier to write code than it is to read it. It's very easy to fall into a trap of "everybody else's work is bad but mine is amazing. What do you mean you don't know what it does? It's obvious to me!" Coupled with narcissistic bro coder culture and "well I make six figures so I MUST be brilliant!" bullshit and...yeah.

Like yeah a software developer probably has a decent education and isn't a dingus but not all of them are super ultra geniuses making breakthroughs that rewrite entire academic fields. Then again they keep getting pushed to be that by investors that want to disrupt all the money into their bank accounts so eh.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 01:16

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

my morality system is also butt based

# ? Jun 20, 2018 01:18

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

Azhais posted:

https://i.imgur.com/txU24lz.mp4

Proteus Jones posted:

Is that a Robin Reliant?

So they took a car that's notoriously unstable on the ground and tried to get it in the air via a method that's notoriously unstable with craft *designed* for rotating wings.

Trabant posted:

They figured two wrongs might make a Wright.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 02:48

funmanguy: Apr 20, 2006; What time is it?

I'm getting strong duck tales MMO vibes from that butt game.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 03:17

I brought my Drake: Jul 10, 2014; These high-G injections have some serious side effects after pulling so many jumps.

Jeza posted:

my morality system is also butt based

Hello new thread title!

# ? Jun 20, 2018 03:37

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Steam game by Tina Belcher.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 07:07

Untrustable: Mar 17, 2009

spog posted:

I am guessing that when referring to the pair of you, you are known as 'the smart one'

Nah he just didn't take after our dad, who is a contractor. He'll call me, our other brother, or my dad if something is wrong. I bought a hell trailer years ago that I completely renovated through past experience and YouTube, so I know a bit about home improvement and almost dying in electrical fires. I still live in my hell trailer. The roof actually blew off about a month ago, but other than that it's a great little trailer.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 07:09

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

boner confessor posted:

i used to hang out at this one bar with my buddy all the time. we had the same waitress too, she was flirty, too flirty, but neither of us were really into her so it never progressed. i guess she got mad about it because one day we go to settle the tab and the guest name on the ticket is "homobros"

# ? Jun 20, 2018 08:15

Collateral Damage: Jun 13, 2009

It was another invitation. She's just into watching guy on guy action.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 08:36

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

funmanguy posted:

I'm getting strong duck tales MMO vibes from that butt game.

That sounds like a saga.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 09:40

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Ghost Leviathan posted:

That sounds like a saga.

Bunner Saga?

# ? Jun 20, 2018 12:14

funmanguy: Apr 20, 2006; What time is it?

Ghost Leviathan posted:

That sounds like a saga.

Maybe I am misremembering, but I thought there was a thread with people talking about the duck tales mmo beta. total bullshit and really funny until people came in who hate fun.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 12:27

Zamboni Rodeo: Jul 19, 2007; NEVER play "Lady of Spain" AGAIN!

Hjalmar posted:

takoyaki is extremely good, yes, but i feel a little uncomfortable eating animals that are more intelligent than some humans. i wonder if there's a good vegan alternative... surely it can't be too hard to replicate that rubbery texture

BovineFury posted:

Being a little harsh on vegans aren't you?

# ? Jun 20, 2018 13:44

value-brand cereal: May 2, 2008

yeah I eat rear end posted:

When I first started posting my roommate was desperately trying to get accepted in FYAD and would do this and add like a "lol" or something , and the entire reason why I bought an account was because he asked me to empty quote him to increase his exposure or something. All it does is ascends you to white noise status which isn't exactly hard, unless you gently caress up and empty quote something they end up not finding funny and you can't convincingly explain that you did it ironically, then you get made fun of.

re: yos pos I don't get how people can read yospos with that obnoxious template. It hurts my eyes to look at.

My money for the last goon is on farming or some type of food processing/butchering type of thing like the goon above me said since it's the only thing I can think of that can have regularly both OSHA and health code violations. But anyway yeah you kind of have to tell someone because even though he's hid it for this long, he won't be able to forever and you don't want to be found to be complicit in it when things come falling down.

Lacey posted:

going to fyad like follow me and bring your emptyquoting scarf

# ? Jun 20, 2018 19:02

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

Lemniscate Blue posted:

Steam game by Tina Belcher.

And now that music is in my head

# ? Jun 20, 2018 19:24

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Iron Crowned posted:

And now that music is in my head

Eeeeeeeennnnnnnhhhhhhhh

# ? Jun 20, 2018 21:01

Mr. Sunshine: May 15, 2008; This is a scrunt that has been in space too long and become a Lunt (Long Scrunt); Fun Shoe

The awful secret behind software development is that the customer has no idea what they actually want, the sales people have no idea what is technically possible, the project managers don't understand the tech and the developers are bitter and jaded and don't give a gently caress.

As a developer, I have a saying:
"The customer gets what the customer wants, because that is what the customer deserves. "

# ? Jun 20, 2018 22:26

ToxicSlurpee: Nov 5, 2003; -=SEND HELP=-; Pillbug

Software development is an inherently slow, tedious, and unpredictable thing. Unfortunately the customer wants their new features last week I mean really you should have just known that I would needed that feature and no I don't care that I neither asked for nor paid for it you guys are too expensive how hard is programming anyway? I could do that in excel and visual basic in like two hours.

Meanwhile every programmer that can hear said customer just died a little more inside at the mention of excel and vb.

Then sales who never understands technical anything and doesn't want to makes impossible promises to a customer to get the sale because the programmers can just do whatever, right? I mean they like coding so it isn't a problem if this takes a bit of crunch to get out the door. Then it turns out they told somebody something like yes we will totally solve the travelling salesman problem in three weeks for you.

Meanwhile c level pressure caused a feature to be rushed. This led it to be released in a horribly buggy state in a spaghettified mess the developers planned on fixing but then the same c level person declared that time spent fixing bugs doesn't lead to new features and only new features lead to sales so don't fix or reactor it. Sales just promised you'd solve the travelling salesman problem again so hop to it! What do you mean you can't? You're supposed to be good at your job? Why am I paying so much for a negative person who can't do some things? Programmers solve problems. Now solve this one or you're fired.

...why are you handing me your two week notice?

# ? Jun 20, 2018 22:42

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

Does anyone have the quote from SA about libertarianism? It was a story about how the writer wakes up with all the benefits of regulation to go on the internet to post about liberalism.

There was also one where there was a bleak libertarian world where you had to fight people and pay cops and junk. I'd like to see 'em again if anyone knows what I'm talking about.

# ? Jun 20, 2018 22:53

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Mr.Tophat posted:

Does anyone have the quote from SA about libertarianism? It was a story about how the writer wakes up with all the benefits of regulation to go on the internet to post about liberalism.

There was also one where there was a bleak libertarian world where you had to fight people and pay cops and junk. I'd like to see 'em again if anyone knows what I'm talking about.

I remember that second one ended with them discovering that someone was a mailman before society collapsed and having him executed for being a tool of the government

Maybe that helps someone find it!

# ? Jun 20, 2018 22:56

darthbob88: Oct 13, 2011; YOSPOS

Mr.Tophat posted:

Does anyone have the quote from SA about libertarianism? It was a story about how the writer wakes up with all the benefits of regulation to go on the internet to post about liberalism.

Pretty sure it's not original to SA, but here's one form.

quote:

A typical day in Doug's life...

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank.

On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables, thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Paizo forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

e: And here's the other one;

buddhanc posted:

i sat in my living room sipping my cup of chicory and looking out my window and pondering my choices. overhead flocks of ghang gliders soared through the soot, taking advantage of the unregulated skies to make their morning commute. i shifted, somewhat uncomfrtable. i needed to make a decision soon, before my neighbor rumbled out of his driveway in his abrams tank and the vibrations from the tearing of pavement made the decision for me

i read through the billboards on the sidewalk again. joe's sewage: faster than anyone! poo poo-b-gon [as i read the name i silently thanked z0r for the death of the nannu state and the freedom to curse in public]: no clogs! there were five others that i passed over, but i knew, that morning, i was a poo poo-b-gon man. i trotted outside and grabbed the sewage hose that sat dribbling on my lawn. where was the nearest linkup station? i jogged down the street, briefly warming my face on the fire from my neighbor's house, before i tripped on a stray corpse and fell face first onto the sidewalk. as i pushed myself up and wiped the blood [not mine ] from my hands, i saw the linkup station. after paying my thirty dollar day-fee [a small price to pay for fredom] and jogging the mile back to my house, i was soon happily doing my business. like a free man

i jammed my foot on the gas and grinned as my engine roared. it was free of catalytic converters and other emasculating controls, and at last, was the robust and mighty machine i had always known it could be. i flipped my sunglasses open and jammed them over my eyes and the cloud of black smoke behind me was witness to the power of my works. ther umble of gravel beneath me was like glorious harmony to the howl of the engine. for nearly fifteen seconds i was grinning like a maniac as the car jolted and crunched down the crumbling street. of course , i had to slow and toss my tiny cube of gold into the toll box, and wait for my neighbor to wave me past, but soon i was back to full speed, living life as free as the birds used to do before we shot them all.

i downshifted into third as i caught side of an unfamiliar barricade ahead. smoke rose in a plume behind the stacked wood and bodies. as i came to a stop a man with a cigar gritted in his teeth and a shirt soaked red and cracked sunglasses waved me to roll down my window.

"what seems to be the problem?"

"new repairs on this stretch. going to need double tolls till weve got it fixed"

i grimaced as i searched around my glove box for an extra cube. at this rate id never make the public hanging...

i run into the center of bear-baiting ring. my stomach churns as i face the beast. howls and cries from the crowd wash over me like hypodermic needles at the beach. i feint left b ut as i push off the blood-soaked earth my foot explodes throgh the my shoddily-constructed shoe. with a silent curse for whatever nameless ten-year-old sewed it i kick it off and dash to the right. thank z0r i always ccw, i think to myself as i air-somersault past the bear. the crowd of mercenaries roar at the sight of my acrobatics.

if i can win the crowd then perhaps the king of this stretch of road will let me go...good thing i have an ace up my sleeve.

make that two, i think as i pull out my twin desert eagles, locked and loaded with the finest hollow-tip bullets that our local toy/gun store carry. the recoil from both firing at once knock me back against the blood-drenched wall of the arena but i keep firing at the bear.

as it finally staggers back and crashes to the ground i air somersault forward again and kneel, crossing my arms in front of my chest and holding my guns against my shoulders and feeling the cheers of the crowd wash over me. i have won my freedom. i let only the briefest pity for the less skillful travelers wash over me, but content myself with the thought of penning a scathing letter against these mercenaries tonight. then i grin. score one for the market, motherfucker

shoeless and gasping i run down the road toward the city, dodging shards of glass and the bones of long dead children. i had paid the last toll with my car itself. once the consortium has purchased enough of sick and dying bodies from the local hospital to grind into cement, we'll have our new roads [or so the ads promise], but it's too late for my car.

i hear a faint stirring in the underbrush that stretches out toward the asphalt. with all the nimbleness of an unregulated manufacturer responding to demand, i do a three-quarters cartwheel while simultaneously firing ten shots from my dual DEs. i chuckle at the crashing and groaning from the brush in the silence after my deafening barrage. oen step closer to that new road.

i take off running again. by three p.m. i'm at the office. as i approach the elevators there's a deafening crash and smoke comes from behind the elevator doors. i note the name of the manufacturer and use my bleeding feet to write a message of warning on the floor of the hall. i ignore the moans and take the stairs to my office.

my manager scuttles toward me as i enter. "eight hours late? you're fired. and you can be sure no other company will hire your scummy rear end in the future"

my left eye twitches as i calmly respond. "you forgot one thing."

"what's that?"

"there's only one monopoly we don't tolerate. a monopoly of force." i backflip as i pull out my DEs and start firing. the screams of the dying fill the air like mercury. this is one market that just got regulated.

before i leave the office, i loot the bodies of my dead coworkers, murdered by my hand, like an irs employee mailing a 1040. i leave the office a tomb; a blood offering to the hungry god i worship now. stepping back into the stairwell is like stepping through a looking glass. i am wearing shoes ripped from the dead feet of my former boss. call it an audit.

with a ninja's grace i leap from stair to stair as i exit the building. light bulbs flicker and dim; the local smallpox epidemic is two weeks old and they've almost run out of bodies to burn for power. they're talking about charging customers one child per year as fuel. some people were upset about it but at least the government isn't behind it.

my shoulders are heaving as i crash through doors into the lobby. a pack of wolves lurk around the receptionist's desk. night is almost here. they begin to howl as i jog outside into the gathering darkness

i check my watch�6 oclock. I had meant to run a few errands before going home. Just one, actually. I run down the street until i see a dimly-lit verizon store. the salesman doesn't even blink an eye when i enter, dripping blood and gore, desert eagles jammed in my waist. then i pull out my guns and point them in his face.

he blinks.

"i paid 5 bucks more last month, you know?" i growl between gritted teeth
"so?" he says
i put the guns back in my waist. the salesman exhales in relief

then i kneel and draw my katana. with one smooth motion i behead the clerk.

"i wish to file a complaint," i say, as gouts of arterial blood spray paint the ceiling.

at last i'm home. i recline back in my babyskin chair and swirl some orange juice in a mug. as i bring the mug up to my limits i feel a sudden pain in my lip. i fish around in the juice and pull out a shard of glass. rolling my eyes i toss it on the pile in the corner.

my pet tiger pads into the room. not for the first time i offer a silent thanks that no gang of criminals can tell me not to keep it. then i see the blood dripping from its jaws.

i curse as i ease out of my chair and walk into the next room, following the blood. the corpse of my neighbor's son is still warm on the floor of the kitchen. i turn on the alarm system and set up the house defenses just in time for the doorbell to ring.

I look out my front window; my neighbor is carrying a shotgun and has a crazed look on his face. I call out:

"What do you want?"

"I want that damned tiger."

"No."

"GIVE ME THE TIGER."

"Come and get him."

My neighbor shudders as he considers his options: 1) wait to ambush me later, 2) attack now, 3) write a scathing letter and mail it to all our neighbors. He cocks his shotgun and fires it at the door.

My defense system activates. With fury and power that would warm the heart of a Blackwater soldier it reduces my neighbor to ash. As the whir of the chainguns slows i walk back to my babyskin chair. it feels soft. it feels warm. it feels like freedom.

alarms wake me from my slumber. not my house; the neighborhood coop alarms are ringing. i listen to the sound. next to me my slave girl stirs. i casually backhand her across the mouth to keep her quiet. three horns followed by a low ringing�possible outsider invasion.

i check to see that her chains are secure then lower myself out of bed. a low whistel summons my tiger. i press a button next to my bed; a slave child scurries in. i order him to bring me my katana.

wrapped in my robe and with my sword strapped across my back i slip outside into the ringing night. the noises are coming from the south. i see a neighbor across the street slap his wife in the face as she begs him not to leave and i thank z0r no slave has tempted me.

the light from torches flicker in the distance at the watch point. there are already several neighbors gathered in a circle. i can hear a low muttering but i cannot see what they have surrounded

i reach the outside of the circle with my tiger at my side. it carelessly bites one of the men in the circle on the leg. he falls to ground and i take his place and see...

it is worse than i had feared...a face as dark and soulless as the night sky looks up at me. tears stream down his face. i shudder at the thought of more of them...out in the darkness...i lope away from the circel and call my tiger to my side. tonight...we hunt

i see the fear in their eyes as i approach the campfire. i wear a chain of tiny ears around my neck and my face is spattered with blood. i grip the head of my enemy in my right hand.

ashen-faced, my neighbor asks me of the forces in the darkness

"it's a group seeking medicine for sick children," i reply. "it was." i suppress a giggle. i toss the little head into the middle of the circle.

"are you ok?" one asks

the others mumble, afraid to look me in the eyes

i look him in the eyes. he twitches. i say

"sanity is like a rule. a regulation. i am free."

i heft my katana in my right hand, then bring it to his neck

"will you question me, or will you do as i say."

it is not a question.

"a man chooses" i say.

they kneel before me. alarms wail in the distance. i see the earth soaked in a tide of blood. i finger the necklace of ears like a rosary.

"we are strong," i say. "together we are free".

they murmur in assent. one man remains quiet. i remove his head, then hand it to one of my followers.

"we are free. put it on a stake, to warn those who would oppose us."

i order the rest of the men to secure the neighborhood gold. we will keep it at my house; i will disperse it as necessary. the gold is mine...the precious...

...

i sit on a throne of skulls inside my new house. palace. i run my fingers through the head of the slave who kneels at my side. in my other hand i grip the femur of a dead enemy. a slave used a rock to hone the end of the bone to sharp points. the walls and floor are red, spattered with blood and smeared with dirt; the ceiling is black with soot. my tiger stalks outside.

when the snows come we move to the caves in the hills for warmth. i will spread my seed.

a beast stirs. i breath in the fetid air, thick with blood and death. law is dead. i am the law. the market is dead. i am the market. i scratch at my fur loincloth and crush a louse. government is dead. i am the government. god is dead. i am a god.

somewhere in the distance i hear the howl of the alarms and the chatter of guns.

and this is heaven.

But you remember one thing: if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog poo poo out of Hong Kong!

epilogue

the cave is dark but warm. the women huddle under furs and blankets for warmth during the day. i lead the hunting parties out in search of game but any creature larger than a chipmunk has long since been slaughtered. we hunt squirrels and rodents with our AK-47s; sometimes a scrap of meat is still left after the hail of bullets.

one of the women is heavy with my child. i alone may mate with them. the heads of the men who objected rot on stakes outside the cave mouth.

one evening after we have returned from our mighty hunt with two squirrel carcasses and a dead robin someone almost tripped on, we spy a man in the distance staggering toward the cave. we watch as he winds his way through the badlands. black snow falls, mixed with ash. his powder blue shirt is badly torn and bloody and there is no spark in his eyes.

he begs us for shelter. i explain that our food supplies are low but that there is room in our cave if he will hunt and accept my rule. he nods, exhausted, and starts to shuffle past me to the fire.

then i catch sight of the patch on his sleeve. a stylized white eagle on a field of blue. the mark of the oppressors. i grab his collar and growl in his face "you're one of them"

"what? what are you talking about"

"one of them. the patch. the eagle."

"p-p-please...i just...delivered mail"

i grip his throat in my hand and lift him and shout "A CRIMINAL!!!!!"

my tribe huddles around me.

"HE WORKED...FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!!"

i see the rage in their eyes. hooting, they jump up and down, calling for blood. i lower the man to the ground and they mutter with disappointment. i beckon for a slave to bring me my club: all sharpened bone and shattered glass. i put my mouth next to the man's ear and i grasp the club and hold it in front of his eyes. "If you want a vision of the future," I say. "Imagine my warclub, smashing a human face, forever."

then i swing it against his head, and it crunches, and he falls to the ground. "we eat meat tonight" I say with a smile. the cheers are deafening.

darthbob88 has a new favorite as of 23:13 on Jun 20, 2018

# ? Jun 20, 2018 23:11

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

My sincerest gratitude, quoting so I might find it again in future easily

darthbob88 posted:

Pretty sure it's not original to SA, but here's one form.
e: And here's the other one;

# ? Jun 21, 2018 00:52

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

the first variant is the one i remember

second one is very apocalypse now

# ? Jun 21, 2018 00:59

buglord: Jul 31, 2010; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!; Buglord

cda posted:

I wonder what it's like being a dead American soldier and looking up from Hell to see that you fight and died so that people could make this movie

# ? Jun 21, 2018 02:28

shut up blegum: Dec 17, 2008; --->Plastic Lawn<---

ToxicSlurpee posted:

the travelling salesman problem again

What is this?

# ? Jun 21, 2018 08:11

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

shut up blegum posted:

What is this?

Imagine you have a map, with lots of cities and roads between them, and each road has a particular time it will take you to travel along it. You want to visit all the cities, with as little time spent driving between them as possible. The Travelling Salesman Problem is about figuring out what order you should visit those cities in order to get the absolute lowest possible amount of travel time.

You could figure out the answer by looking at every possible order you could visit those cities, work out the travel time for each of them, and see which has the lowest. The problem there is that, as you add cities, the number of routes you have to check grows exponentially - adding city #1000 multiplies the number of routes you need to check by 1000, and it all gets out of hand very quickly. Often with this sort of problem there's a clever mathematical trick you can use to solve it much faster.

The reason the Traveling Salesman Problem is notable is that there actually isn't a better way - every way to solve the problem that you can come up with has the same issue of taking exponentially longer the more cities you add. (Either that or P=NP and chaos reigns).

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travelling_salesman_problem

# ? Jun 21, 2018 08:37

Trig Discipline: Jun 3, 2008; Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.; Grimey Drawer

And although that sounds like a fairly esoteric and specific problem, there are tons of other mathematical problems that are just traveling salesman problems wearing different pants. The whole reason phylogenetics is such a hard field is that it basically amounts to a huge traveling salesman problem, and it's one where we don't just want a "good enough" answer; we want the RIGHT answer if possible. That's difficult to guarantee for phylogenies of thousands of species, when for even ~100 species you have more possible solutions than there are fundamental particles in the observable universe.

# ? Jun 21, 2018 09:56

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

Trig Discipline posted:

That's difficult to guarantee for phylogenies of thousands of species, when for even ~100 species you have more possible solutions than there are fundamental particles in the observable universe.

Sounds like someone�s afraid of a little hard work.

# ? Jun 21, 2018 09:58

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Tetracube posted:

Are we not going to mention how Lakynn's brother is named loving TITAN

Pham Nuwen posted:

Also those kids look so Mormon it hurts. I swear they've been running a Bene Gesserit style breeding program in Utah except instead of the Kwisatch Haderach they're just trying to make credulous blondes.

# ? Jun 21, 2018 14:04

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

Does anyone remember a short story post about some guy discovering a civilization of sentient mice in his basement? He kinda helps them along and keeps them secret from his wife at first, but then she discovers them on her own and is just as enchanted by it as he is? There's no huge twist to it or anything, they just live in that house for decades and become this mouse tribe's guardians cause for the mice it's several generations. I'm only about 80% sure this was an SA thing but I've been thinking about it forever.

# ? Jun 21, 2018 16:05

1stGear: Jan 16, 2010; Here's to the new us.

Subjunctive posted:

Sounds like someone�s afraid of a little hard work.

Goddamn millennials

# ? Jun 21, 2018 16:19

Teach: Mar 28, 2008; Pillbug

My Lovely Horse posted:

Does anyone remember a short story post about some guy discovering a civilization of sentient mice in his basement? He kinda helps them along and keeps them secret from his wife at first, but then she discovers them on her own and is just as enchanted by it as he is? There's no huge twist to it or anything, they just live in that house for decades and become this mouse tribe's guardians cause for the mice it's several generations. I'm only about 80% sure this was an SA thing but I've been thinking about it forever.

I think that's Microcosmic God by Sturgeon.

# ? Jun 21, 2018 17:37

ToxicSlurpee: Nov 5, 2003; -=SEND HELP=-; Pillbug

Jabor posted:

Imagine you have a map, with lots of cities and roads between them, and each road has a particular time it will take you to travel along it. You want to visit all the cities, with as little time spent driving between them as possible. The Travelling Salesman Problem is about figuring out what order you should visit those cities in order to get the absolute lowest possible amount of travel time.

You could figure out the answer by looking at every possible order you could visit those cities, work out the travel time for each of them, and see which has the lowest. The problem there is that, as you add cities, the number of routes you have to check grows exponentially - adding city #1000 multiplies the number of routes you need to check by 1000, and it all gets out of hand very quickly. Often with this sort of problem there's a clever mathematical trick you can use to solve it much faster.

The reason the Traveling Salesman Problem is notable is that there actually isn't a better way - every way to solve the problem that you can come up with has the same issue of taking exponentially longer the more cities you add. (Either that or P=NP and chaos reigns).

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travelling_salesman_problem

This, basically. It's one if the classical problems in computer science. It's easy to solve in that the algorithm is pretty obvious. It just becomes very computationally expensive very quickly. It can be very difficult to explain that no you can't just keep throwing more hardware at it as you can end up calculating quintillions of paths. Nor can you do some programmer magic or just miracle away the problems.

The number of routes to calculate is (n - 1)!/2. That's fine if you have like 6 places to visit but the real world is rarely that simple. Even 25 cities is insane. That's a bit over 3.1 x 10^23 routes to calculate. Now if you pick a starting point and an ending point you can use various pathfinding algorithms to find the best path between them but that won't necessarily get you the best path overall.

Note that 10^23 is in the sextillions. Finding the best way to visit 25 cities has that many possible paths. Every salesperson ever would love to have this kind of program handy but it just isn't happening any time soon. Unfortunately it isn't easy for somebody that doesn't have a math or cs background to readily see why it isn't solvable in any easy way. It also isn't always easy to explain it because you get people saying "but there's a way, right? What if you..." no. Just no. Anybody that solved it would go down in history it's that big a deal.

# ? Jun 21, 2018 19:59

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

Teach posted:

I think that's Microcosmic God by Sturgeon.

Nah, whatever it is I'm thinking of is 100% wholesome. Microcosmic God is to it what that one psycho goon's fairy torture stories are to Peter Pan.

e: at least that's the way I remember it :ohdear:

# ? Jun 21, 2018 20:04

Neito: Feb 18, 2009; 😌Finally, an avatar the describes my love of tech❤️‍💻, my love of anime💖🎎, and why I'll never see a real girl 🙆‍♀️naked😭.

This and the halting problem are the kings of "Hilariously complicated CS problems that sound easy".

# ? Jun 21, 2018 20:06

Somfin: Oct 25, 2010; In my🦚 experience🛠️ the big things🌑 don't teach you anything🤷‍♀️.; Nap Ghost

Neito posted:

This and the halting problem are the kings of "Hilariously complicated CS problems that sound easy".

The halting problem being as follows:

You cannot determine if a given algorithm will complete, or will run forever. Here's why.

Let's say you can. There is a sequence of steps you can take to determine if an algorithm will complete or run forever. This is the solver.

I build an algorithm that runs that solver. If it says that the algorithm that it is inside will complete, it does runs the solver again on the same algorithm, leading to an infinite loop. If it says my algorithm will not complete, it completes immediately.

What does your solver say about my algorithm as a whole?

# ? Jun 21, 2018 21:03

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

# ? Jun 21, 2018 21:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 11, 2024 23:39

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

My Lovely Horse posted:

Does anyone remember a short story post about some guy discovering a civilization of sentient mice in his basement? He kinda helps them along and keeps them secret from his wife at first, but then she discovers them on her own and is just as enchanted by it as he is? There's no huge twist to it or anything, they just live in that house for decades and become this mouse tribe's guardians cause for the mice it's several generations. I'm only about 80% sure this was an SA thing but I've been thinking about it forever.

oh man i know exactly what you're talking about, and yeah, it was fantastic and adorable, i just don't have a link handy bc im phone posting

# ? Jun 21, 2018 21:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Agent (7)47

«‹›1265 »