We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

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Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

numberoneposter posted:

could you imagine if there was an EU for the rambo series? like how dumb would that be. nerds ruin everything.

We don't need to imagine the Rambo EU because that's totally a thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLop82LjV48

quote:

Episode 24 "Mephisto's Magic"
When Rambo and his team stop General Warhawk's plot to steal the Liberty Bell, General Stedring insists to Colonel Trautman that his army be used next time. This problem comes into conflict when General Warhawk and his magician ally Mephisto successfully steal the Washington Monument.

quote:

Episode 37 "S.A.V.A.G.E. Rustlers"
Rambo's team helps a rancher named Shane Dobbs who cattle have been stolen by Mad Dog. They soon discover that S.A.V.A.G.E. is in an alliance with an outlaw scientist named Dr. Gore to slip a belligerence formula into the beef which will cause all humans and animals to act very mean. This beef is planned to be used on the US Army soldiers which will cause a lot of chaos.

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 05:52 on Nov 24, 2014

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 05:40

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 12:00

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

mr.capps posted:

i really hated the Toilet Lords, they were just lovely Sith Lords

"The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master."
"Only a master of toilets."

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 08:56

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Aesop Poprock posted:

they wrote something about that band breaking up, it might've been tales of jabbas palace. His name was max rebo and he was feuding with the weird lip alien that sang for him cause she took over his band

I googled him and apparently he had a solo career for a while and then he opened his own chain of restaurants called Max's Flanth House.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Max_Rebo

Edit: the canonical original name for the band (before Max Rebo became the front man) was Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-Wailers
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Evar_Orbus_and_His_Galactic_Jizz-Wailers

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 10:50 on Nov 24, 2014

# ¿ Nov 24, 2014 10:46

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

suspicious donkey! posted:

so why did that r2 unit have a bad motivator?? i need to know the epic back story

Applewhite posted:

The droid was actually force sensetive and just as it was heading over to Uncle Owen, it had a premonition of the important events to come and how vital it was that R2 D2 play a part in them. It used its force powers to blow its own motivator.

Molog posted:

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Skippy_the_Jedi_Droid

Jesus Christ I thought Applewhite was making that up but there we go. :psyduck:

Half the time in this thread I can't tell if people are just making up the dumbest poo poo they can think of or whether they're accurately reporting on genuine EU content.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2014 05:41

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

A reminder that they're sitting on 39 completed episodes of that awful Star Wars Detours comedy series with another 62 finished scripts ready to be animated, they've just held them back from release until Ep 7 comes out. The worst is yet to come!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSqslieMkcI

Harime Nui posted:

When did Star Wars die for you?

Here's a video of some diehard fans experiencing that moment. Some Australian filmmakers made a documentary called The Phandom Menace where they followed some fans around and interviewed them immediately before and after seeing Ep 1 for the first time. Skip ahead to 24:00 for the fans lining up to see the first midnight screening and then skip ahead to 31:15 to see their reactions immediately afterwards.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrSDtIahsF0

The fans who were desperately trying to rationalise that it will grow on people are perhaps the saddest.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2014 12:45

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Aesop Poprock posted:

She also couldn't handle any sort of criticism whatsoever and called people who didn't like her books "talifans" because why not

pentyne posted:

What happened was she was essentially told by the publishing group/writers on the series contract that she had to follow the series outlines, not make major changes to established stuff, and stick to a certain theme/perspective, upon which she threw a huge temper tantrum and was dropped and no longer on the list of authors to contract out for Star Wars books.

"Okay Karen, I know we asked you to try and channel the spirit of George Lucas when you wrote those books but this isn't quite what we had in mind."

# ¿ Dec 2, 2014 14:45

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

People were worried that vaccinations was causing autism in their children for years and years when the real culprit all this time was Minecraft novels.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2014 16:20

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

RocketLunatic posted:

Just finished Tarkin, for instance, which had little compelling going for it. Who cares about Grand Moff Tarkin? They paint him as a typical "Mary Sue" villain, cunning and vicious and principled and brilliant. The guy gets blown up with his stupid Death Star. They could have at least foreshadowed that instead of making it like he was a genius tactician. The whole plot is how his custom stealth ship gets stolen by some Rebels and taken for a joy ride, and he and Vader have to go hunt it down. A Star Wars' "Where's my car" take.

"Well what does MY tattoo say?"
"Darth!"
"Sith!"
"DARTH!"
"SITH!"

# ¿ Dec 3, 2014 04:49

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

TOILETLORD posted:

Batman vs cad bane or boba fett i could see.

Darth Vader vs Dr Doom would have been a better match than Vader vs Batman. Doom at least has tech + sorcery.

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 18:09 on Dec 5, 2014

# ¿ Dec 5, 2014 18:05

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

TOILETLORD posted:

he was a sleeper agent with implanted memories, by darth vader to lead to a noble death that would erase the harm that he did to the universe.

TOILETLORD posted:

wait i'm just checking everyone knows i made that poo poo up about vader right? The EU is so dumb that poo poo sounded plausible.

I was just looking through that link someone posted about Vader's many many secret apprentices and it turns out that plausible sounding poo poo you made up is actually fairly close to actual EU content. Vader actually did use a secret agent with implanted memories to organise a rebellion and kick off a galactic civil war which would give him a chance to assassinate Emperor Palpatine. The agent died a noble death when he fought Palpatine in order to let the rebel leaders escape his clutches.

(Also it turns out that the rebel alliance that Luke and Leia get involved in was totally Vader's idea all along.)

# ¿ Dec 6, 2014 11:33

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Wicker Man posted:

I just can't unhear Darth Goku.

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 07:39

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

david... posted:

I always thought it dumb they used any techniques at all with a weightless weapon that can cut through anything, just hold it out in front of you and just run at people.

Also they apparently have adjustable length so why not just stand on the other side of the room and extend the saber out to 20 feet?

david... posted:

Also if anyone is writing some eu poo poo I just thought up lightsaber gloves where each finger has a lightsaber claw, hope this helps.

This guy seems to have lightsaber Wolverine claws, that's the closest I could find:

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 17:53

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Liquid Dinosaur posted:

Edit: and now he's just 100% retired and cannot influence one iota of the setting?

Fetus Tree posted:

it seems naive to think that GL has no influence on star wars imo

Strike him down and he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 20:22

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Acne Rain posted:

why call it "the balance" then
a balance is not having none of one thing and only another

Considering that "bringing balance to the Force" was the central driving theme of the two trilogies it's pretty damned ridiculous that none of the characters ever actually explained what the gently caress that meant, or exactly where that concept came from and why it was so damned important, or what effect it would have. Dumb EU explanations don't count for poo poo, it should have been made completely explicit in the films.

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 23:53 on Dec 9, 2014

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 23:50

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

SunAndSpring posted:

speaking of dumb names

Stay safe Lumpy Space Empress

Yolomon Wayne posted:

Im honestly amazed there is no Darth Death.

Or is there?
Tell me there isnt.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Mortis

A quick check of Wookiepedia reveals dozens and dozens more Sith lords with terrible names: Darth Talon, Darth Zhorrid, Darth Desolous, Darth Nihl (different from Darth Nihilus), Darth Stryfe, Darth Maleval, Darth Maladi, Darth Havok, Darth Ravage, Darth Decimus, Darth Howl, Darth Atroph, Darth Scabrous, Darth Karnage, Darth Ruin, Darth Kallous, Darth Vilus, Darth Enraj, Darth Iratus, etc etc..

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 11:43

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

'Mortis' is Latin for 'of death' (as in 'rigor mortis')

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 11:58

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

It'd be a pretty stressful time for a Sith apprentice when they're about to graduate to Sith lord and they see their master flipping through a thesaurus trying to pick a new name for them.

# ¿ Dec 11, 2014 12:25

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

StashAugustine posted:

allegience was pretty cool with the rouge stormtroopers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAnDNyar3ik

# ¿ Dec 12, 2014 10:54

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Frostwerks posted:

want a bunch of stormtroopers in pink armor. fabulous as gently caress. also, explains why they can't shoot straight.

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 11:42 on Dec 12, 2014

# ¿ Dec 12, 2014 11:40

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Tsaedje posted:

Darth Vader with Prowse's West-country accent would've almost been as ridiculous as the Star Wars EU.

Darth Prowse is amazing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQFho0_G1VI

# ¿ Dec 12, 2014 18:50

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

SunAndSpring posted:

Well I didn't say it wasn't stupid. I just wanted to point out they were technically human, even if they did come from Black People Planet.

Magical Black People Planet.

quote:

The Korunnai were genetically Human in almost every respect, except that they were all Force-sensitive and used their Force powers to bind akk dogs and grassers to themselves.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2014 08:12

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

ThePutty posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-OPhGYggjQ

# ¿ Dec 15, 2014 23:53

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

OneThousandMonkeys posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQljzQ_FpUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSqslieMkcI
(Skip to 49 seconds)

# ¿ Dec 16, 2014 08:16

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Harime Nui posted:

He grew a beard and looks like a less gibbon- bodied Slavoj Zizek

# ¿ Dec 18, 2014 06:26

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Ivor Biggun posted:

Larry Niven's Ringworld used inter-species sex as a diplomatic protocol and even had word for it: "rishathra"

Piers Anthony is a pretty disturbed individual as well.

Marion Zimmer Bradley had them all beat.

# ¿ Dec 18, 2014 23:51

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Also it turns out the wacky comic strip someone posted earlier in the thread of Jar Jar hunting whales with his father on and old timey whaling ship is canonical in the old EU. I thought it was just some weird webcomic some random person had drawn.

Edit:

RAGE HOLE posted:

The People vs George Lucas is a very entertaining documentary about how fandom creates a sense of ownership of a franchise, especially when the original creator's work goes downhill.

It has Tony Millionaire in it.

Snowglobe of Doom fucked around with this message at 14:39 on Dec 26, 2014

# ¿ Dec 26, 2014 13:26

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Hitlersaurus Christ posted:

is lumpy canon? because he should be

His Wookieepedia entry is over 10,000 words long

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Lumpawaroo

# ¿ Dec 27, 2014 06:41

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Fetus Tree posted:

See: e chuta

How rude!

# ¿ Dec 27, 2014 07:45

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Butterfly Valley posted:

Why would anakin build a droid that turns out exactly the same as the seemingly universal model of protocol droids idgi

Or is he more ghetto underneath then they decide to dress him up to look 'normal'

I always assumed that putting together a droid in SW was like putting together a PC tower these days. You can buy something standard off the shelf, you can get some guy to build an overclocked beast for you (R2D2) or you can buy a bunch of poo poo at a swap meet and shove it into an old case you found in a skip (C3P0).

# ¿ Dec 27, 2014 16:23

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

happyhippy posted:

Writers can only make their characters as intelligent as they are.
Lucas can't even make a bog standard love story dialogue make sense, so trying to make 400 IQ Space Ninjas do things that 400 IQ Space Ninjas should do is beyond him.
Other than 'wave glow wands about and sense disturbances', Jedi do gently caress all else.

Anakin Skywalker: I should have known the fans were plotting to take over. George Lucas has showed me the true ways of film making.

Obi-Wan: Anakin, George Lucas is stupid! The scriptwriters are stupid. The Expanded Universe is a giant bag of stupid.

Anakin Skywalker: From my point of view, it is the fans who are stupid.

Obi-Wan: Well, then you really are lost!

# ¿ Dec 28, 2014 00:22

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Myrddin_Emrys posted:

Is this goatse? Its goatse isn't it as that could be the only appropriate response?

# ¿ Dec 29, 2014 04:26

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Liquid Dinosaur posted:

What if a janitor mops the floor of a sith lord's throne room and the sith lord slips and dies. Is the janitor, a non force-sensitive, completely normal dude, the new sith lord?

What if when the apprentice makes his move and engages his sith lord in mortal combat, they both mortally wound each other? Who takes power then?

If a jedi kills a sith does he inherit his position and all his assets and servants?

Remember how Palpatine always has some guys following him around everywhere?

They're Sith referees. Sith lord succession pretty much goes by hardcore wrestling rules so falls count anywhere.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2014 05:39

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Otisburg posted:

if you could upload your soul through sith magic into new muscleman clone body at will, why would you even bother trundling around as a wrinkled old ballsack of a creature for even a second? once you hit like 30-35 just jump that old corpse into an incinerator and enjoy the next iteration of your youthful backup hardbody.

It really fucks up your insurance premiums.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2014 14:20

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

david... posted:

it they invented a gun that could shoot more than one laser at once or even at an increased rate of fire jedi would be hosed

Guns like these?

# ¿ Dec 31, 2014 05:51

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

Iseeyouseemeseeyou posted:

Why isn't there a Darth Tater yet

He' already exists and he's great. :colbert:

# ¿ Jan 1, 2015 05:39

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

beanieson posted:

For content the thing I hate about EU (& the films actually) is that each planet is only allowed a single terrain. Desert? We got that, the whole planet earth s desert! City? A whole planet of city! Swamp? Oh boy!

The Star Wars Rebels cartoon is mostly set on a semi-arid planet that seems to be covered in desert and veldt but in the latest episode they travel to a different part of the planet where there's snow on the ground and I was all "Whuhhhh, I thought this was a desert planet, did the background artists gently caress up?"

# ¿ Jan 2, 2015 07:46