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Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

What if... there really were creatures on other planets? Just for fun, let's go on an imaginary safari to real places faithfully described, and see some creatures that never were.



Titan On dim, cold Titan, Saturn's giant moon, stovebellies might live - perhaps by the icy shores of a ethane lake. To avoid freezing, they keep fires burning inside their bodies. How? Stovebellies eat ice, which forms much of Titan's surface. Their fuel is make of oxygen from the ice and methane from the dense atmosphere. By squirting flame like a rocket, they can make long leaps in Titan's low gravity. Amphibious fishimanders like to crawl out of the lake and cuddle by a handy stovebelly for warmth - until their host blasts off, sending its guests flying.



Mars Whisper-thin winds hiss along a dry, dusty canyon. Deadly ultraviolet radiation pours from an unshielded Sun. Nighttime cold reaches -80 C. Perfect weather for a fellow like the Martian waterseeker. Its parasol tail can lift three meters in Mars' low gravity, shading it from ultraviolet sunburn. The long snout can probe for pockets of ice under dried up channels. And the giant ears, needed to hear well in the thin air, also serve as blankets: In Mars' frigid nights the waterseeker stays snug by clamping its ears tightly around its whole body.



Europa Flat ice covers the second of Jupiter's four major satellites. Europa may be the smoothest globe in the Solar System. And here brinker-roos might frolic, on feet shaped like skates. They lead a carefree life, living on pure energy as they zoom across the endless frozen plains. Since there's no air to breathe and no food to eat, brinker-roos need no mouths or noses. Their green skins can carry out photosynthsis in sunlight, as plants do. And the coils on their backs pick up energy from Jupiter's strong magnetic field, which Europa must travel through as it orbits the giant planet.



Pluto Electrical, crystal beings like these Plutonian zistles would find -250 C too hot for comfort. At night, when it's colder still and electricity flows perfectly, zistles feel best. Highly intelligent, they spend most of their time radioing great thoughts to each other. When zistles do get going, they can spring 20 meter high in Pluto's feeble gravity. Zistles think Pluto is the only planet with life - it's too hot everywhere else!



Venus To survive Venus's heat - lead would melt here - you might need a body that feeds on rock and metal. This oucher-poucher snacks on a space probe from Earth. Venus's surface is so hot that oucher-puchers keep shifting from one foot to the other. They travel by inflating their pouchlike bodies and bouncing along the ground. Every time one lands, it utters its customary cry, which sounds remarkably like "ouch!"



Jupiter From birth to death, any life in Jupiter's wild atmosphere would have to stay airborne - there's no place to stand. Hanging from their gasbags, floating jellyblimps would be easy prey for hungry swordtails. A swordtail uses Jupiter's strong gravity and its own pointed body to dive right through its victim. All creatures here must avoid winds blowing towards the freezing layers above or the scorching pressures below.

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Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Red Square Bear posted:

Literally, what is this from? I think I remember it from a 3-2-1 Contact magazine or something like 20 25 30* years ago?

*: :(

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


reminds me of a coloring book i had when i was a child. it had some cool and completely impractical/impossible concept planes in it. i can only find small pics of it tho. here they are.








Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

prefect posted:

what kind of weirdo wants their toilet right next to a giant window?

the 7th floor of the building I work in has a bathroom with a huge (frosted) window and it is definitely the best place to poop. so much natural light.

also the bathroom has a foyer. it's spectacular.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


i'm going there tomorrow

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


lmao is this a kids in the hall sketch or something

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Glorgnole posted:

beep beep coming through

i'm the airlander blimp

i think this was the plot of that video game MDK???

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Sagebrush posted:

I made my workbench/desk out of welded steel square tubing and a six-foot chunk of IKEA hardwood countertop

It weighs like 350 pounds but it gets the job done

that hardwood ikea countertop is fuckin great. I made two desks out of a piece of it.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Fuzzy Mammal posted:

too many fuckin americans itf. rip princess di :canada:

i remember when this happened

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

prefect posted:

i was hanging out with a couple of out-of-state friends when princess di died. i said some rather impolite anti-monarchial things and without realizing it, really offended one of them. it really put a damper on my trip to visit them, and i have never stopped regretting it

i was at my grandparent's place watching their dog and playing MYTH THE FALLEN LORDS on my grandpa's power mac, and they cut into the the tv show i had on in the background to report on it. SNL iirc, lol

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Sagebrush posted:

hms visby?

e: nope, i guess that's the zumwalt-class. the visby did it first



not tumblehome, doesn't count

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

voicemail is way different. they always have that "push 1 to do whatever, push 2 to do a different thing"

and you can screen calls based on caller id sure but you can't listen to the message as they're leaving it. these are all v. important things that are lost now.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

lol @ having a landline

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Chris Knight posted:

have you see the raid: redemption, and the raid 2

also maybe john wick?

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


lmao, these are so good

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Necc0 posted:

i'm getting a decked out 15" macbook pro for my next job :pcgaming:

i got one of those for my current job. it's extremely good. i like the force-click trackpad a lot.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Necc0 posted:

i'm wondering

a- how long it's going to take me to get used to it
b- how unacceptable it will be that other laptops don't have it whenever i have to use a client rig

not long, and extremely.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Jonny 290 posted:

It's too difficult to manage keys. We prefer our existing way.


Because once a month, the walmart root password changes. Yes, you telnet in as root. And they won't send the new password over electronic means.

So, every vendor that needs access sends a rep over to the home office. They sit in the lobby and wait their turn. After 1-3 hours, you are called back to the Operations department and they write the new root password on a Post-it note. "Don't lose this," they say.

And that is how the biggest retailer in america circulates root to every server in every store in the United States.

i love stories like this because i've got coworkers who are always all "well, that's <company we work for> for you!" as though doing things in a hosed up way is unique to this company, lol

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

akadajet posted:

all non-mac laptops are trash in terms of build quality and trackpad. you'll immediately hate using cheap plastic-y windows laptops.

sometimes i have to use one of the dells that other people get and oh my god that rough plastic trackpad is just the WORST. and you can't even click it, you gotta use the dumb buttons.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Robot Pride posted:

another funny item was that our server rooms had dial combos on them to get in but you could just pull up the floor tile where the wiring runs and just slide in the 14" crawl space to go under the whole frame and pop into the room. those doors prob cost the gov like 30k$.

another time we got these 250k$ SPARC racks with data arrays in crates parked in the server room to prepare for a large project expansion. they sat in the room for like a year unboxed till it was announced that the thing was cancelled so the BRAND NEW servers got wheeled out right to DRMO

brand loving new and unopened SPARCS with fiber arrays in the giant gray and purple cabinets running solaris 9

vote trump to eliminate government waste

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


eating pineapple?

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

what world do you live in that boston terriers don't exist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oCceQNIoJQ

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

our dog is good. except when she is not.

here she is being good.





good dog.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


guitar wolf starred in a zombie movie called Wild Zero. it's worth checking out. the dvd has a drinking game built in.

tho i see someone posted it already. v good.

all killing alien zombies with the power of rock and roll

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Darkpenguin posted:

this is not how a sprinkler works.

this is just an oddity from some exhibit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aobPgGzB-U

oscillator and rotor sprinklers use a small turbine and gearbox to move: http://home.howstuffworks.com/sprinkler.htm

impulse sprinklers use no gears, but a swing arm and a screw mechanism to drive them

edit: if there were any kind of load on that gear set the teeth at the transitions would get sheared right off.









Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1i-dnAH9Y4

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

highway 55 runs over ft snelling state park, and it looks kind of cool imo. here's some pictures that i took.





Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Just-In-Timeberlake posted:

that is some bond villain poo poo right there

looks like that one base in just cause 2

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


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Sniep posted:

yeah it cheats so much

but then gets poo poo so wrong



really? toe?

yeah it's bullshit



really google. REALLY

also apparently no one knows wtf a bulldozer even IS

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Kenny Logins posted:

usually the words "blimp" and "runner" don't come together too often in the same sentence but here we are

that's not a blimp.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


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Cat Face Joe posted:

VERY fast dog running at incredible hihg speed

same

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

graph posted:

actually it was snes

dreamcast was good because you could emulate NES and SNES on it

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


that yooper accent is how my wife's entire family sounds, except yours is at like 8 and theirs is turned up to probably 15

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

anthonypants posted:

i was in denver two weeks a few years back for work and here is what i learned about denver:
- people are redneck as hell
- cops, everywhere
- snow is very soft and powdery dry and doesn't clump or freeze and it's awesome
- the mountains are like RIGHT THERE on the horizon all the time and it owns

wait so you can't build a snowman?? sad.

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


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echinopsis posted:

who is it ok to hate?

white american men

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

SmokaDustbowl posted:

I'm kinda sad zombies are so popular. I really like all the old zombie movies, it was great stuff to watch with your friends late at night. now everything is zombies and people are making real zombie guns and poo poo and it's just totally ruined for me

yo i just want to say that zombie pub crawls are the dumbest thing on earth

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Sagebrush posted:

why do you know a bunch of unabomber & school shooter quotes

what, you don't?

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

graph posted:

we're going to post funny computer pictures now

Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"


stymie was right

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Elder Postsman
Aug 30, 2000


i used hot bot to search for "teens"

bump_fn posted:

someone post the link to the thing that converts text to the cool monospace font i lost it tia

I made this extremely bad monospace + zalgo text converter a few months ago. https://gist.github.com/anonymous/5ecf166057fb078784c19b11051ce626

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