/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Drunk Monopoly destroys yet another relationship. Kind of cute.

quote:

Girlfriend Admitted to Cheating in "Monopoly." Should I care? (more info inside)

So, my girl and I are at a friends place drinking. We decide it's a good time to play monopoly.

Girlfriend was the banker, I handed out the properties. Long story short, the game became quite competitive between the 6 of us involved. She was drunk, and at times when she wasn't paying attention I would handle transactions from the other players purchasing properties.

She gives me this look and says, "I don't trust you, (accusing tone) you're stealing from the bank." She then removes the bank (in front of us, off to the side of her.)

The game lasted hours. People where playing dirty tricks in the game like: if you didn't call out a player who landed on your hotel, you didn't have to pay if the next person rolled....off the board agreements of immunity of pay from other players, poo poo like that. I was tired, and voiced that I wanted to leave. She said, "It's the principle of the game, you can't just leave." (it was 2:30 in the morning, class is at 9.)

I tell her the next day that I was hurt for her accusing me of stealing. Her response: "I did nothing wrong, it's the bankers job to make sure no one is stealing. I don't know why you're so worked up about this." She maintains her position that she has done NOTHING wrong.

A few days later...

I find out today (from her own mouth) that she took tons of money from the bank and even gave it to other players in the game to keep them quiet.

I bring up our former conversation about her respect for "principle" in the game and laughs. Now she's mad at me.

Help.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 04:44

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 02:12

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Fatkraken posted:

Never start a land war in Asia

That is Risk, an ancient Chinese game.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 15:07

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

I still have a black ring I wear pretty often as an accessory and to the people who recognize it, it actually gets some pretty sweet kudos

My sister asked for that game for Christmas when she was 15. She still breaks it out to play with her nieces. :3:

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 15:12

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Emotional cheating is okay right?

quote:

[22/f] Can I make this work? Being in love with two men and being in two relationship

Although the title is very much true, I think it can misleads to wrong assumptions. Bear with me until the end! English is not my first language, but I tried my best to avoid errors.

So here's my story!

I am currently in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. He is 24 years-old, we have been together for 2 years and a half. I really love him, an awful lot. We share the same goal, the same spirituality, we have a lot of interest in common, we have a lot of fun together. I am fulfilled with my relationship on every level. If he wasn't my boyfriend, he would have easily been my best friend. We really get along.

I know, for sure, that I will never stop loving him. This is very important to what is coming after : if I really fall in love with someone, not just the hormonal love, but in love with his soul, I will not stop loving him, even if we stop being together. This applies to my ex too.

I also want something else to be very clear : I do not wish to leave him. I absolutely don't.

So here is the part where it gets... sligthly unusual. I met another guy, as you could guess. Around last May. We will name him S (he is 23 years old). He isn't straight up beautiful when you look at him, but there is something about him, in his voice and in the way he talks, moves and behaves, that makes him so drat attractive. We met on a larp. For those who don't know what it is, it's live action role playing : we incarnate a character (usually very diferent from our real personnality, anyways it's more fun that way) in a diferent world. You could call it interactive theatre too, and there's a lot of improvisation involved. So, it all started there. Our characters were stuck together for maybe 4 hours. At that point I knew nothing about S; the only information I had where about his character, since we were role playing all along. We had a really good time though, and we hanged out a lot during the rest of the larp and the others after (once a month for a weekend). We started flirting through our characters. It was really enjoyable, and probably not completely innocent. I'd say during these times, we were 40% in characters and 60% with our real personnality. I enjoyed the attention and his company. It was clear to me that we were both attracted to each other. But never, at any point, I thought about having sex with him, even if at that point our characters were ''together'' in a couple, you could say. I was physically attracted by him but loved my boyfriend to much to even think about it. Ok, maybe in some of my fantasies, I did. But I did not wished it out of the realm of my mind. Sometimes I looked at S, during the larp, and was thinking to myself that what I felt for him looked an awful lot like being in love. And that it wasn't just a play or pretending. Me and S never talked about what feelings we might have about each others, even though it was clear that there was a connection between us.

Something else important. S is in a healthy, loving relationship too. He does not wish to leave his girlfriend.

So things gets a bit further! We start to hang out together outside of the larp. Mostly just chating, eating lunch together or helping each other to study. My boyfriend knew about me meeting him and was ok with it. I learned to know S, (and not his character) more, and really enjoyed being around him. I genuinely cared about him too.

Fast forward a few months, larp season is over. We see each other maybe once a month, it's always enjoyable, we have a lot of fun together. My feelings for my boyfriends remains the same.

A few days ago I'm at S's appartment, after we finished eating dinner. We were both slightly drunk at this point, our feet were touching under the table. He open up to me, tells me that he is really sorry, and he knows that what he is going to say will cause a lot of poo poo. He tells me he has feeling for me, and he does not consider me just like a friend, and is in love with me. And that he also loves his girlfriend very much and does not wish to leave her. I can't remember exactly what we said after because I had drunk a little too much, but I told him that what was happening didn't need to cause troubles at all. That I felt the same way about him, and that I don't believe that a person can only love one person at the same time. It was a very... magical, yet strange night. We both want this weird relationship, of caring about each other, but with no physical contacts. An emotional only kind of love, platonic. Not that we don't desire each other, but we both want to remain faithful to our partner. We parted with a long hug.

So here we are, both in love with each other, but also both very much in love with our current partner.

This is so strange, I have never heard about something like that happening, so I am a bit lost. I don't want to talk about it to anyone, as I fear I will be judged and misunderstood.

So I'm opening to you reddit! Is this possible? Can we make this work? Or am I being a huge naive fool for thinking we will be able to restrain ourselves from having any physical contact, even if we both agreed on it? I know that if I cheat on my boyfriend, I will tell him, and it will broke him. I don't want to hurt him, as he is the most precious thing I have in this world. Is it worth risking my relationship with him for another platonic relationship that also brings me hapinness?

I haven't talked to my boyfriend about it. Should I? I might. I don't know if he will understand me. My relationship with S doesn't affect my relationship with my boyfriend-- if anything, it only make me love my boyfriend more.

And another question : how much am I already being unfaithful to my current partner? Or am I? I don't know. I really need outsiders opinions.

Oh lol, I feel like Guinevere. I hope my story will end up happier than hers.

If you need more details, feel free to ask!

tl;dr : I'm in love with my boyfriend, and also with another guy, that loves me back, and also is in a healthy and loving relationship that he also doesn't wish to leave. We both want a platonic-love relationship; we do desire each other but do not want to act on it. Can this work?

I really think she missed the point of the Arthur-Lancelot-Guinevere thing if she is not expecting everything to burn down around her.

I also think she needs to look up what platonic means. It is not just a lack of sex, it is a lack of romance.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 15:30

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

ArbitraryC posted:

comment from the OP:

wanna see how that went

Reddit is helping! :downs:

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 16:20

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

I need to call my parents and tell them I love them and thank them for everything they did and did not do.

Long but I found it to be a fascinating tale of horror.

quote:

Am I [31M] justified in wanting to sever contact with my parents [55M/F] over their insane shenanigans involving long-term abuse, swinging, BDSM, divorce, and pathological lying?
u/throw_family_away
More detailed story is below. TL;DR: father is abusive; mother lies to abate his abuse; empty-nest swinging drives a wedge into their marriage; mixed messages during their separation reveals that both of them lie; my sister and I are not sure who to believe; for the next year, my mother gas-lights me by completely fabricating a story in which she is the innocent victim; last week, the lies finally became too ridiculous to believe anymore; after confronting her with hard evidence, she still denies it.

All I wanted throughout their separation was not to have to dig into details of their sex life. Instead I'm regaled with story after story about my mother's swinging antics, asked to review a BDSM video to determine whether it's my mother and whether the description is accurate (I didn't watch it), asked to review picture of a family reunion to determine whether my mother and her new boyfriend were engaged in inappropriate sexual behavior (she was), asked to look at BDSM pictures on the Internet to determine whether she was in them ... and more, and more, and more. I have repeatedly tried to set boundaries, saying that this is not appropriate for a parent/child relationship, and it doesn't work -- the next sentence will be some gratuitous sexual detail that I have no loving interest in knowing.

Another thing I'm tired about is being lied to. My mother called me to ask for advice about situations that she had fabricated. I took them at face value and tried to provide advice. People ended up getting hurt as a result of that advice, and I would never have given that advice if I knew what the real situation was. I still feel ashamed despite the victim forgiving me.

And apart from being tired of my mother's sex life and lies, my father's still an abusive narcissist with zero self-awareness of how his actions impact others, and a belief that his behaviors are innate and cannot be changed (and consequently, he will never change). We've butt heads several times and it is clear that he does not believe that beating and screaming at your children for their entire childhood constitutes abuse. I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD as a result of all of that. I lived in fear my entire childhood, and it still impacts the way I interact with the world.

Am I justified in wanting to flush my relationships with both of these people down the toilet? Here's a very short version of the story.

Very abbreviated story
My father was verbally and physically abusive toward everyone in the family; he didn't hit my mother like he did me, but he did physically intimidate her. Mom is very anxious and developed a tendency to lie in order to protect herself and her kids from him. In 2009, with an empty nest, they started swinging (my sister and I found out accidentally and did not tell them). This lasted for five years, until, in the wake of a lost job, my mother started using it to boost her self-esteem. My father says she became addicted to it, broke all of the rules, and started to engage in dangerous activities. Dad lost his patience, screamed at her to stop. Instead, she moved in with her final swinging partner, Bruce (though for months she lied and said she was living alone). Dad calls the kids with tales of mom's BDSM-addicted depravity, poses the situation as being dangerous to her life, and tries to cajole us into telling mom to go back home. Mom denies it, says she can't believe dad would make up such vicious lies about her, and that she left because he was abusive. Unsure who to believe, I eventually called my dad's bluff on one of his stories in a major way, and so I decided that he must be lying.

Over time, mom's story about her living situation changes from "alone" to "with a friend"; since she doesn't have any friends, I figure it must be someone from swinging. I am eventually vindicated when Bruce is revealed as the friend, but I let her off the hook because I figured she was embarrassed to admit she'd left dad for another man, as opposed to just leaving because he was abusive. In the meantime, mom does actually seem to be healing from the years of my father's abuse; she is less anxious, more social, and interacts with the world more. I confront dad about his abusive behavior over the years, which opens his eyes; his time in therapy is short-lived, however.

For the next year, things are mostly quiet. This June, Dad claims that mom has been telling him that she's going to get back together with him any day now; mom says she has never said any such thing, that she barely talks to him, and that he is delusional. Dad stalks mom, finds her address, and shows up twice. Mom changes her cell phone number and moves, and tells me that she's initiating divorce proceedings.

This September, mom and Bruce show up on my door (across the country) with a curious story about how they had been to my mom's sister's family get-together, had been doing nothing wrong, and that my aunt, after they left, had -- out of nowhere -- admonished my mother for engaging in sexually-inappropriate behavior (groping and biting) in front of her children. Mom is shocked by these allegations, says they are completely untrue, and that my aunt must be a racist (Bruce is black). While vising me, they go out one evening to The Armory in San Francisco, which is apparently a hard-core BDSM dungeon owned by kink.com. I've never heard of the place; mom starts telling me about it; when I get the picture, I change the subject. Shortly after this, my father and I have a falling-out over email regarding him having stolen my college scholarship; we don't speak for a while.

After they leave, my aunt calls me to tell me what happened at the family reunion. On the first night, Bruce sexually propositioned her, wanted to have a threesome, and was in her personal space. Later, she says, Bruce was groping my mother in a family situation, and that her children asked her why Bruce was biting my mother on the breasts. I was skeptical, but she sent evidence: pictures of groping taking place (obvious, blatant, intentional, not accidental), and text messages from mom admitting to the biting. Mom may or may not have been wearing a bondage collar at the family reunion. At this point, I really do not want to be involved with this situation, and try to get her and my aunt to talk. That doesn't happen.

In October, mom calls me to say that dad has shown up uninvited again and that he is angrily pressuring her to get back together with him. She has stepped out of the hotel room to ask me for advice on what to do. I told her that that behavior was illegal stalking and harassment, and disrespectful beyond that. She does not rejoin him at the hotel. Next week, mom calls me with an emergency; dad is threatening to kill himself, making menacing comments, and also threatening to take her pets to the shelter where they will surely be euthanized. I advise mom that dad is in that twilight state of "danger to oneself and others", and that she should take the police and state psychiatric evaluators with her to get her cats. She does.

The house of lies falls apart
Last week, Bruce called me saying that mom has packed her stuff up and left. I text mom to ask what's up, and she tells me that she is on a "job interview", that Bruce is being paranoid and controlling (I hadn't even mentioned Bruce). It is obvious that she is lying: you do not need to pack up all of your stuff when you go to a job interview. I point this out to her and she stops responding.

I call my sister, who has been in contact with my father. First, she mentions that she found pictures of BDSM porn featuring my mother on the Internet. She also says she saw the emails where my mother consented to my father coming up to visit her -- i.e., those incidents were not stalking. She says she has seen emails where my mother has repeatedly stated that she is in the car driving to move back in with my father. My mother sent these emails every day for the month leading up to his fit involving the cats. Also, that my father had offered to take the cats up to my grandmother's house, and was not simply going to euthanize them, and that there was no menacing content to his email about the cats. At this point I realize that I was complicit in the police being called on my father for unjustified reasons, which very much contradicts my live-and-let-live, not-petty, not-vindictive nature, and makes me feel terrible.

Also puzzlingly, my mother and father are back together as of now. And my mother told my father not to accept any phone calls from me, because she needs to be the one to talk to me. I.e., she needs time to manipulate the truth before I can talk to my father and find out what really happened.

On Saturday, my mother sent me a cryptic and self-deprecating email saying she has made many mistakes, and asks me for advice. I tell her that I am not going to provide her with advice anymore, because I need to have an accurate understanding of what the situation actually is before I'm comfortable doing that. Then I asked a series of questions that I already knew the answer to -- and I said that I already had the answer to them, so just tell the truth.

Were you actually on a job interview last Monday?
Was Aunt Sue right about what happened at the family reunion?
Did you invite dad up to see you on those times that you told me he showed up uninvited and was stalking you?
Did you repeatedly send dad emails saying you were in the car driving to get back together with him, but tell me that you weren't in contact with him at all, that he was obsessive and delusional for thinking these things?
Are you involved with Internet pornography?
I have evidence that the answer to all of these questions is "yes", and I told her that before asking the questions. She vehemently denied all of them! After I told her I had evidence!!!

Yesterday, I called my father up to collect additional evidence to confront my mother with; he forwarded me about 20 emails, all of them perfectly corroborating his side of the story and constituting hard evidence that she lied. After about an hour, the conversation suddenly took an ugly turn and we started screaming at one another. My intention with the phone call had been to stick to facts, but it didn't work out that way. He attacked me in very personal ways, identically to the sort of verbal abuse I suffered regularly in childhood. He was of the opinion that physical abuse is good and builds character. I give up. The phone call lasted five hours and fifteen minutes.

I woke up today, and I felt bad. My parents are hopeless and loving insane. Their drama reminds me of high school. I am more mature than both of them. Nobody has benefitted in any way from my being involved with their separation proceedings. In fact, my life has suffered as a result of my involvement. I tried to put distance between myself and the situation, but they do not respect boundaries. I didn't sign up for any of this. And I realize I can unsubscribe by pulling the plug on our relationships.

Am I justified?

And my favorite comment:

quote:

Never before have I read a thread where putting your fingers in your ears and yelling "lallalalalalalaaaalallaaaaalaaa" at the top of your lungs is the best response.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 16:58

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

TheScott2K posted:

Also, add this poo poo to poly.txt

https://twitter.com/polynerdeia/status/1028297343504998400?s=19

Oh wow, that woman looks just like my ex-fianc�e. I broke it off because she would not stop flirting with everything of both genders that had a pulse.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 20:47

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

We have some winners here:

quote:

My GF[22F] of 3 years, broke up with me[23M] on Monday. I based my entire future around her, I felt so safe. Now, I have nothing.

I met her at a party in our bachelors. I am 6'4" tall, she was immediately taken. We flirted for a while, things moved on, but I was very cautious, since my last girlfriend left me for another guy, I promised myself I'd never get into a relationship with someone if they don't like me back.

This girl ( I'm having so much trouble writing this in third person) was perfect. She checked all the boxes. She gave me complete control of the relationship, I was so happy. I could whatever I wanted in bed, I could ask her to help me with my homework, gently caress, she numbered and indexed my thesis for me. And all I had to was ask once.

I grew comfortable with her. Very comfortable. I've never been happier. She was so good. I'm usually sad, but around her I could say anything, fart, burp, kiss her whenever I wanted. Ask her to stay home with me. She went on the pill and we'd do it bareback, she was never disgusted with me. I asked her to get into a relationship with me, she was so excited. This was finally something I did right with my life.

We dated throughout college, there were fights, she flirted with some guy on her phone when I wasn't paying enough attention to her (I was in europe). And she'd not do something whe I asked, but she was invested. We named the first baby girl we'd have in the future, her name would be Natalie. We planned that I'd get a job in the US while she completes her Masters, then we spend some time saving up, then start a family. I grew intimately close, she became family. She knew my deepest thoughts, she'd be my first counsel on anything. I had some dinners and lunches with her family, helped her sister get her life in order etc.

Well, then college ended. I'm not rich, I couldn't afford a nice college in the US, but she's American. At this point she moved in with her parents. Now I hadn't been selected for any colleges yet, so I grew depressed every second. It was hell. Finally I got through. I went to a European country as the education is free. We'd skype every night, watch movies together, play games, talk.

After I moved here, I realised there's a huge language problem. I've gained weight, and I'm always conscious of other people around me. I spiralled down further, and discovered reddit. that was 5-6 months ago when I actively started posting. I don't have any friends here (east germany, I feel like they don't want to speak to me) I tried going out to some parties, it just didn't feel the same. I really liked the comfort of knowing that my girl would tell me she loves me every night. I started neglecting her (past 2 months). She'd ask me for affection and to call her pretty, and I did, but I wasn't concentrating. She'd text me through the day, and I wouldn't reply. I love this woman. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

She called me on saturday, I asked her who she's texting. She said she was playing a game on phone. I leave to get groceries. We try to watch an episode of breaking bad. End up fighting because she's not interested because the story doesnt interest her and there are no cute guys in there (something she'd never say, I'm the only guy in her life).

Monday night she calls me to tell her she wants to break up. I'm dumbfounded. She's serious. I lose it. I start begging her. She says she's lost interest in me. I cant process it. I beg her to change her mind, and talk tomorrow.

I text her throughout the day on tuesday. Call her up later that night after a fuckload of begging. She says she's sexted someone else. I dont believe her, I tell her this is something she made up to help me move on. She texted me the entire conversation. Its her lab assistant that she sees every week. He has a girlfriend. She did it saturday morning when we were skyping, she took pictures of her vagina below the desk, and when I left, had a full session, the same exact way she's do with me, full bondage style. She literally told him things like anal, cumming on her tits, how big his dick was, everything, whored herself out to him. She even put on clothes and handcuff i got her. While I was away getting groceries. I saw it. I'm numb right then. I ask her if she's sorry. She says she should have broken up with me first. But shes happy this happened because this helped her make up her mind.

I asked her if she was turned on, if she enjoyed it. She said to my face that she was wetter that she could imagine, because it was taboo, and because the guy is happier, nicer. I know she thinks he's cute, she's sexually attracted to him. She says it was a one time deal. I say I love her and study for the exam.

Today, I aced the exam, I called her and told her it doesn't matter. I forgive her, and we shouldn't throw away what we have. Tell her this is the worst time to do this as I have NO support system. She says she went back to the lab on monday wanted to have sex with him, he turned her down, because he was in another relationship. I'm dead. I can't keep it in. I tell her I'm ready to try anything. She says nothing will get this back, she didnt want me as her safety net, and tells me I'm too dependent on her.

I tell her, we've got to do something, she says radio silence for three months, no texting. I ask her if this would be sexually exclusive, She outright says no. She say's she wants to experience things. I dont give in, she's like fine whatever. (How would I know anyway, and she'd just tell me to gently caress off at the end of the three months). I ask her if I can sext her, she says no. I move on, I promise her I'll be a changed man, because she's worth it. We end the call with love yous and goodbyes.

Now I am writing this to you.

You guys. You can't imagine how lonely I am. I have no friends, no one likes me and I'm all alone. Some one please, someone talk to me. She was the mother of my future children, she was the reason I read so much about the US. I want to be a part of her culture. Now I have nothing.

Ive got this knot in my stomach. I haven't eaten for days now.

tl;dr: Long term GF, the perfect one, cheated. I'm all alone.

I self-absorbed emotional parasite that relied entirely on my girlfriend for validation and she was forced to be my only social and emotional crutch for years. She do everything I want when ask but I no do same for her. Why she leave???

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 21:00

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

My Imaginary GF posted:

why not call poly folk what they are: insecure, borderline, and emotionally unstable

When I broke it off she literally went nuts, stopped eating, started burning her possessions, started insisting I was some kind of God/devil hybrid, and was institutionalized.

In other words, yes, she was all of those.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 21:03

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

"the n-word for us" oh get loving over yourself

Polysluts? The Desperately Undiscriminating? Perpetuteens? Affirmation Whores?

There are a lot of fun possibilities.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 21:07

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

you dated a woman who was really not into taking responsibility for herself and found a really cool excuse not to

I dated a girl who would ask for that every so often when she felt drained and just wanted a break from having to decide anything (usually after tough day at work) and she had a code to let me take over and it could be fun but it never lasted for longer then a few hours and it would have been hell to try it full time. It is a form of checking out and I (and every other at least semi-sane person) prefer to have their partner fully involved.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 21:51

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Should I ask my girlfriend what something means Or should I ask the Internet? Better go with the Internet I suppose.

quote:

Me [35m] with 7mo girlfriend, 'Katie' [32f] calls me 'Puppy'? Is this a red flag?

My pet name is Puppy? What does that mean?

Me [35M] with girlfriend 'Katie' [32F] in LDR of 7mo

I've been dating a girl for about 7m. Lately, she's started calling me 'Puppy' or 'Pups' as a nickname.

I call her 'babydoll' or Katie-Chan. I'm a little worried because 'puppy' is kinda close to 'bitch.'

Is this a flag? Everything is ok in our ldr, but I do think she spends a little too much time at the bar with her friends and coworkers. I'm not sure it it matters, but she's into bondage- which I do for her. (And some filthy talk.)

tl;dr I (36m) with ldr girlfriend (32f) of 7mo calls me 'Pups' or 'Puppy.' Is this a red flag? Everything else seems fine, other than she goes out a lot. And we're into bondage.

This is kind of cute. :3:

........until you look at the ages.

Oh, and why not just ask her and if you dislike the name ask for a different one?

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 21:55

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

hawowanlawow posted:

what decisions are y'all even talking about? dinner?

Dinner, should we play a game or watch Netflix or go out tonight, what to watch on Netflix, where should we go, simple stuff. Whether to have sex sometimes. Just incidental everyday stuff. Never whether we should move to Alaska or start swinging or join a cult or anything big. For me anyways. Others might join cults like this for all I know.

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Aug 16, 2018

# ¿ Aug 16, 2018 22:26

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Haifisch posted:

My [18F] girlfriend said my [19M] features would be more attractive to gay men

Is that a roundabout way of asking him if he wants to get pegged?

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 00:39

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

And welcome to our new game show: Guess the Fetish. Can you guess the fetish before he reveals it?

quote:

I [25 M] am a pretty stable, interesting, well-put-together guy, and not unattractive, but have a fairly extreme (but harmless) freak flag hidden away. How the hell do I find someone [F] I can share it with? How on earth do I broach the subject?

I'm financially stable; I've been told by multiple people that I'm decently good-looking; I have a variety of interests including computer science, machining, aviation, and creative arts of all kinds; I'm a pretty good conversationalist (most of the time) with no particular trouble talking to women; I fully understand the importance of good communication; and I'm always focused on self-improvement. By all accounts, I should have no trouble entering a relationship.

The trouble is two-fold. One, my standards are fairly high. I do try to make myself the best person I can be, in part because I want a long-term relationship with a woman to match. I want someone who is emotionally stable, not unattractive, intelligent, happy with her life and herself, preferably not interested in kids (possibly negotiable, I think), and enthusiastic about her interests and the interests others share with her. It feels like a lot to ask, but under normal circumstances I think I could accomplish it.

The main problem appears when we combine that with trouble number two: I have an unusual sexual interest that would instantly destroy my job and the vast majority of my relationships were it to come out. Even here, under a throwaway account, I'm scared to reveal it for fear that it would turn most of you away (though I do think I could deal with revealing it to interested parties via PM). It's entirely harmless and rooted in fantasy, but that wouldn't mean much to most people upon finding out--and under no circumstances do I want to be in a long-term relationship in which I have to keep it hidden.

To be clear: I'm happy with who I am, and unashamed of my interest. There's nothing morally wrong with it, I have no intention of turning away from it, and I keep it secret only because most people are not open-minded enough to accept it (understandably so). Only my best friend and one of my siblings know. Both of them are amazing people.

So, how in the name of St Peter's left testicle do I go about finding a woman of standards who either has no problem with this interest or (highly preferably) shares it? The odds of any given person being right for me seem pretty drat low, and it's hard to go for volume (date date date date) when the main hurdle I want to screen for can't be revealed for weeks, probably, under typical circumstances (especially since it would be the ultimate revenge ammo in the event of a breakup, even if I don't intend to give anyone a reason to want revenge).

tl;dr: I carry high standards, and I at least like to think I meet high standards, but I have a (harmless, fantasy-based) sexual interest that, in most people's minds, could curdle milk (I think, here, I can deal with revealing it via PM). It's not the focus of my life, but it is tied to an interest I spend a lot of time on, and I don't want to have to hide it from a significant other. How the hell do I go about finding a (lady) soulmate who I can share it with? Where do I look?

Edit: Since people are bringing up the very good point that it's hard to trust or care about a mysterious and possibly illegal fetish: it's an interest in various nonhuman fantasy species, the most problematic of which includes fictional technicolor ponies. I frequent /r/clopclop, which is a link you shouldn't click if you don't know what you're doing.

Please note that this does not mean I want to screw animals; human-level intelligence and consent are non-negotiable. It's just that I'm attracted to the mind first, and my own brain doesn't really care what physical form a person takes.

Edit2: Given the feedback I've been getting since the first edit, I guess I'm not so bad off as I thought. I sure as hell won't be trumpeting my kinks from the streets, but perhaps I could stand to lighten up and just put myself out there more. Sorry to anyone who clicked the link expecting worse.

And thank you to everyone who's responded, for the advice and encouragement and perspective adjustment. I feel a lot better about all this than I did 3 hours ago. You all are the best.

Welp, they convinced him it is not that bad and released him on the world.

quote:

human-level intelligence and consent are non-negotiable

Good thread title?

Also, an interesting suggestion from the comments from a MissFizzyPants:

quote:

Also consider that you may need/end up with 2 partners to really fulfill you. One for everyday & one for play. So long as everyone knows & consents that can be a great way to make sure you get all of your needs met.

Yes I am sure it will be much easier to find a poly pony porn buddy (next username change thread?) and also a girlfriend who is okay with you having one as opposed to someone who is just okay with your fetish. Good solid advice.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 00:50

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

Someday someone will oppress me so I get to feel victimized about it now

Pick once said something that confused me once. Then I got the joke and laughed. But for a few seconds, I was confused and mildly annoyed.

GO!

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 15:29

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

If only they did not have such dapper uniforms.......

quote:

My [26M] with my girlfriend [25F] and her weird Nazi fetish. She wants me to dress up like an SS officer during sex.

This came up last night and I've had a hard time getting on a grip on its since. I'm just going to say it outright, my girlfriend is Jewish. I was raised Catholic.

I've been going steady with my girlfriend for two years now. I honestly love her. We've been through a lot of trauma (the death of her sister and my mother) and have really grown through it.

We always have sex a little on the kinky side (handcuffs, that sort of thing) but lately my girlfriend has been wanting to take it to the next level and we agreed roleplaying could be kind of fun. I asked her what her biggest fantasy is and she said that she used to masturbate to a fantasy that she was being tortured by a Nazi. She said she'd really like it if I could dress up like an SS officer and "force" her to have sex.

This really, really, really makes me uncomfortable, and now in a "I can't do that fetish" sort of way, but in a "I'm not sure I can continue this relationship" sort of way. What do I do? Am I overreacting? Is this harmless or does she need counseling?

tl;dr: My girlfriend has a Nazi fetish.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 16:39

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

dudeness posted:

Agree to do it but only if she dresses up as a clown.

I would watch a movie about the forbidden love of a Nazi SS officer and a Jewish clown and the wacky hijinks that ensue in their attempts to hide their love from the Reich and the circus carnies.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 16:56

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

pretty sure someone's already invented Life is Beautiful fanfiction

Tempted to Google but this is probably one of those �the Abyss stares back at you� situations.

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 17:45 on Aug 17, 2018

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 17:09

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Write up a long and heartfelt email about the garbage. Come up with weird but semi-plausible ways the garbage has great meaning. The expired tea represents the length of your friendship, the shoes represent how you have all helped each other by cushioning the regular blows of normal everyday life to help all.

Then you can give them random garbage as gifts whenever you want and if they call you on it look hurt and ask what part they did not understand.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 17:51

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick has been stirring up trouble again.

quote:

Me [23F] with my cousin [20F] is making my life miserable over taxidermy, how do I fix this?

Throwaway account because some family members know my reddit account.

I love taxidermy, always have, always will. I know this is something a lot of people don't understand, but I would equate it with those who collect figurines, or vases, or whatever... there is no real rhyme or reason for it, it's just something that gives you joy.

Anyways, I am a huge animal lover, share my home with many pets, and volunteer at local animal shelters. With money being an issue at first, I only collected animal bones and skulls. Due to my love of animals, I am very careful about where I purchase my collection, and make sure that the animal is either roadkill or a natural death.

With my recent raise, I purchased my first piece of real taxidermy. Not bones, not skulls, but an actual stuffed animal. He's a coyote. This coyote came from a facility that rescues these animals, he died of old age, but his fur was still beautiful. The facility sold his body to a taxidermist, and he was stuffed as a plush mount (the head is a traditional hard form, but the body is filled with the same material as pillows, which make the taxidermy like a plush toy). I purchased him, and he lives on my bed.

I live with my parents, and although they were apprehensive at first, they absolutely love him. They find him super cute, and very cool.

During Thanksgiving dinner with my family, my coyote came up in conversation. My mom brought him up, because she thought he was an interesting thing to mention. My relatives all found him fascinating, except for my cousin.

My vegan, PETA-loving cousin.

She threw an absolute fit, screaming that I am an animal abuser and feeding money into an industry that tortures. I tried to inform her the truth about taxidermy, that many animals are actually not killed for the purpose of taxidermy, and that I carefully vetted where my coyote came from. She was having none of it, and stormed off in a rage.

I don't really have a relationship with my cousin, I only see her a handful of times a year, but I do have her on my social medias. Which I know is dumb, but I didn't have the chance to remove her before things escalated. Not only did she go around posting statuses about me, she began contacting my friends in angry private messages.

I told her mom, and I told my parents, and they are all telling me that I'm over reacting, no one will take her seriously, and she should have the right and freedom to voice her opinion, even if I dislike it. They don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.

Yesterday, my boss came in and told me some woman has been calling the office and saying that I kill animals and keep them as trophies, and that she will tell everyone that they hired an animal abuser. My boss didn't take the threat seriously and chuckled it off, but I'm getting seriously concerned.

If she's calling my place of work, that's taking it too far. My folks don't believe that she's the one doing it, they think I may have slipped to someone at the office that I have taxidermy and they're the ones doing this. I haven't told anyone, I think it is my cousin.

What do I do, and how do I stop this?

tl;dr: My new piece of taxidermy was brought up during Thanksgiving dinner, and although my relatives thought this was cool, my PETA-worshiping cousin flipped out and I think she is now calling my place of work and telling them I kill animals.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 21:01

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

mojo1701a posted:

https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1030548821732941830

Kinks just get weirder and weirder. And more contagious. With my next gf we are going to take an IQ test every Sunday and whoever gets the higher score is the dom for the week. So hawt!

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 21:33

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Leon Einstein posted:

Jesus, where are this girl's parents?

Probably arguing over which of the metas in their poly relationship are allowed to impregnate her mother.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2018 22:22

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Another episode of �Guess the Fetish� Clue: It is much dumber then whatever you are thinking it is.

quote:

I [26/f] am having trouble dealing with/taking my boyfriends [25/m] "kink" seriously. It just makes me feel ridiculous.

So to start off my relationship with my boyfriend is great. We have been dating just over two years and he is a great guy. He is super loving handsome (like, straight up out of my league), kind, understanding, sexy, pretty much the whole package. We get a long great, and share pretty much everything with each other.

Well, I have a few 'kinks' when it comes to the bedroom and it took me about a year before I was comfortable explaining them to my boyfriend. He was super understanding about it and very eager to help me fulfill my fantasies and everything has been great. I asked him what he was into since he helped me out so much I only want to repay the favor but he was very shy about it. It took months of convincing from me telling me that I wouldn't judge him and I would be down no matter what (I consider myself very open minded).

Well, a few months ago he finally relented and told me what he was into. In terms of sex, it's actually super-vanilla. I don't really want to explain it but it is more along the lines of role play then a specific straight up sex act.

To keep this short, we tried it a few weeks ago and he really loved it, but I just felt stupid as hell. I feel so guilty about it because I know its really harmless and I sort of forced him to tell me and now I don't really know what to do. It's not something I'm UNCOMFORTABLE with in terms of not wanting to do it; but I'm just not comfortable since I feel super embarrassed, I feel like an idiot doing it. I don't really know how to break it to my boyfriend since he is super into it and he has done much weirder poo poo/outside of his comfort zone for me.

What should I do?

EDIT: Since I am getting so many messages to just explain what it is; It kind of varies a little but the gist of it is that he is a pilot (?) of a giant robot (like in the movie pacific rim) who has returned from battle or something similar. I am supposed to be either another female pilot/a civilian or any number of other things... I treat him like war hero or something and tell him how sexy I find him, or how he saved the world or something. He asks me to only call him by his "call sign" which I will NOT repeat here. Sometimes we have sex and it is at the barracks or his personal quarters or other times he will make me pretend we have loving in the cockpit of his robot (he calls it a "mecha").

For complete transperancey since some people were asking what he does for me, my kinks run along the lines of light bdsm/being tied up/watersports/anal/toys etc. More along the lines of specific acts where we are still ourselves. Less about roleplaying as other people which is where I find it difficult to grasp.

tl;dr boyfriend has strange roleplay fetish that I made him tell me about, told him I was fiine with it but when it came down to it I feel super embarrassed about it. not sure how to proceed.

The animes are messing up relationships again.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2018 21:36

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Midnight Voyager posted:

Read that again:

Ugh, stop RPing a cool anime hero in bed and just piss on me!

(i didn't mean to double post, but I am not a smart person)

To be fair whips and rope and golden showers are just normal kink but that anime roleplay is just......bad.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2018 21:41

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

Pee is gross, also it seems like that would be really messy.

Actually urine is incredibly sterile and.......nah, you know what, knowing that makes me sound weird enough without launching what would sound like a defense of it.

Definitely gross.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 02:13

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

Well it's never GOOD.

Actually if you eat a diet consisting mostly of........oh, never mind. drat IT!

Xenocides fucked around with this message at 02:18 on Aug 20, 2018

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 02:14

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

QuarkJets posted:

Bleach is sterile too, may as well incorporate that in the bedroom now somehow. Like the parents in moral orale

If you use enough you can also satisfy an albino fetish.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 02:16

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Beachcomber posted:

I knew this would come in handy

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 02:18

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

quote:

Girlfriend (21F) heavily burdened by her religion's strict rules, Me (21F) trying to support her while still being respectful to her faith

first off; hi ive never used reddit before so please bare with me trying to figure this out

and then well, to elaborate on the title:
my girlfriend and i have been in a long distance relatonship (we met online) for almost half a year now, everything between us is good, we have great communication despite both coming out of more or less abusive relationships that made us both insecure in maintaining proper contact with someone, but we are doing our best and are both comfortable and happy. even if we have a lot of differences and slightly different views on the world we always find a common ground and respect the others opinions and values.

we also are making vague plans to meet up some time irl since we havent seen each other yet (i know i know, but other gay girls dont grow on trees around here so meeting someone online just. happens more easily)

one of the differences between me and my girlfriend is, is that she is very religious. she is very devoted to the community of her church and her faith and i, while not sharing that same faith, admire and respect that. i try to educate myself about her faith and its history to be more understanding and to be able to talk to her about it without, well, having her explain everything to me.

the problem is that, despite her direct family being fairly accepting of her sexuality, her religion has. a pretty complicated view on it. from what shes explained. homosexuality, or anything that is not heterosexuality really is generally tolerated. the problem is that marriage is pretty much the most important thing for her faith; a marriage between husband and wife ensures the fulfillment of ones existence and also guarantees access to a shared afterlife. this is not possible for gay marriage which will most certainly prompt excommunication. on a more minor note chastity is also an important value and any sexual contact before marriage is prohibited (which i have no problems with) however "gay sex" in general is considered sinful...

my girlfriend is very conscious of these aspects since there is a pretty big pressure on her to enter a heterosexual marriage and find a husband, it causes her alot of distress and even pushed her into depressive episodes.

while she thinks the rules about gay marriage in her church are "stupid" they are still part of her faith which she respects above all. she is incredibly scared about being excommunicated because her churches community is very very important to her.

lately shes been jokingly making references about us getting married or even talking about it on a more serious note. while i think its not really appropriate to talk about marriage just a few months into a relationship (and considering the fact that we havent even met irl yet) i understand that these statements of hers mostly stem from the pressure and anxiety she experiences due to those strict rules. she has even said very desperate things along the lines of her transitioning to live as a man so that she could still have a heterosexual marriage, or suggesting that since i am intersex i could get my gender marker changed to that and maybe that would be a loophole for a marriage without excommunication

i know she doesnt seriously want these things though, it just shows how heavy this burden is on her and it makes me feel very worried and upset for her.

in general the issue isnt putting a strain on our relationship (yet. i fear it could become a problem in the future) but it comes up frequently since its such a big problem for her personally and i mostly just end up watching her struggle while unsuccessfully trying to comfort her

my question or. well. request for advice now is:

how can i help my girlfriend overcome her anxiety and worry over this whole marriage/excommunication thing while still being respectful and mindful of her faith and its values? i recognize that this is probably something she mostly will have to come to terms with herself but i wish to support her as much as i can and was wondering if anyone here had similar experiences or ties to a religion with similar rules? i do not wish to change my girlfriend or her faith, nor to get her to abandon it. i just want her to be happy and comfortable while still being able to keep something that is such a huge part of her.

thank you so much

TLDR: girlfriend is very religious, her religion pressures her to have a heterosexual marriage/get excommunicated if she enters a gay marriage, i want to support and help her with her struggles while still being respectful of her faith

So you are online dating a Mormon who wants one of you to change genders to get around temple marriage rules (which will not work) before you have even met in person?

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 06:47

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

quote:

Me (20m) and my girlfriend (20f) have been dating for over a year and haven't had sex. Am I a dick for wanting to break up with her over it?

I just want to apologize in advance if this post devolves into incoherent rambling.

Ok, so my girlfriend and I have been going out for over a year. Our relationship is really great, I love her to pieces. The problem is, over the past year and handful of months, we haven't had sex. We have never done anything remotely sexual except make out. I have never even seen her naked.

I have talked to her about this before. She told me that she just doesn't have any sexual drive at all. And that's fine and all, it's just that I have an incredibly high sex drive. Not to play into some douchey college stereotype but... I'm young, you know? I want to be having fun crazy sex with someone I love. And I don't get anything intimate from her. I absolutely don't blame her, it's not like she asked to have no libido or anything, but the problem is still there.

What makes it worse is I just transferred schools, so now we're doing long distance, which I'm really not sure is a good idea. It kind of feels like I've put on a metaphorical chastity belt.

What do I do, Reddit? I love this girl, but I've talked with her about this a couple time and she doesn't think it's a big deal. It's absolutely a big deal to me, but she doesn't seem to see that. It's not really even about sex anymore, it's about making love, being physically intimate with this girl I'm in love with and deepening our relationship. But it just doesn't happen, and it kind of feels like our relationship has just been stagnant. Am I in the wrong for wanting to break up for this reason?

tldr: girlfriend has no sex drive/libido, doesn't think it's a big deal. We haven't done anything remotely sexual in the year we've been together, pretty sure I'm sexually frustrated. I still love her, but I want to break up with her over this.

Most people would call that a friendship. Have you considered marrying her in hopes it will jump start her libido?

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 14:49

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

I love him!

quote:

My (26f) husband (29m) of 3 years is in prison on 5 year sentence. I just found out his ex-GF (30s?) is giving money to his commissary account. He says its not cheating because he can't "touch" her and he needs the money for his safety.

I know this is a massively messed up situation. A year after we were married my husband was involved in a criminal activity. After a really long trial he was given 5 years (with no credit for time served, which is rare) so with good behavior he'll be out in about 2 years from now.

Since this isn't a common question, I'll just explain what commissary is. Basically it's like Amazon inside the prison where they order things like snacks, soap, razors and depending on status books and magazines. There's two ways to fund commisary accounts, he can work (he lost his job because he got into a fight) or people on the outside can fund the account. I've been putting money in ever since he went in.

I got an automated call from DOC last week that my debit card had been rejected and Dylan's commissary would not have enough to cover his order for the week. I looked on my account and saw that the payment had gone through. I figured it was a mistake but I brought it up with Dylan at visitation this week.

It was there he revealed that since he lost his job, he needs extra money for commissary because he uses it for safety and that he'd had no choice but to reach out to his ex-girlfriend for extra money. I was devastated because I've stood by him through all this. I know for a fact it wasn't just friendly banter and he's probably promising her that he will be with her when he gets out. I told him that he's cheating on me. He said it's not cheating because he can't actually touch her and that he has to do what he has to do to survive. I told him I'd give him more money but he said that it's better to do it this way because its harder for DOC to be in his business.

Our time was up and like always, we didn't leave with any clarity on this situation. he usually has ipad time on Monday nights and for the first time since he's been away he didn't use it to call me and I haven't heard from him.

I'm just devastated, I feel terrible because I don't know what he said to her but I consider it cheating. She lives really close so I guess I could go talk to her and figure out whats going on. I just feel like this is another horrible knock in a situation that is so hard for me and I know I don't know really what he goes through but he could have asked me for more money, he could have asked his family, he could have done a million things before taking money from her.

What should I do with this?

tl;dr: husband is getting his ex-girlfriend to fund his commissary account while in DOC.

The comments are all advising her to dump the guy. She insists she is in love and them pointing out that is not enough. She also goes on about how the judge had it in for the guy even though he turned on the others involved in exchange for reduced time.

My favorite comment:

quote:

The guy has so many red flags, it's like she's looking at the Red Sea before Moses parted it!

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 17:07

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Barudak posted:

I just want to know what he did because he snitched and still got 5 years no time served

She said one of the others involved got over 30 years in the comments. Her husband of course insists he was not there and just knew what happened.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 17:48

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Nope, no mental problems here. I also choose to believe the username is a Twilight reference.

quote:

[27f] Found out my (then) bf [29m] is a closet bisexual and tried to cheat on me with men
u/Bellaxlove14

So a few months ago I was on my (then) boyfriend's tablet and he'd left his email open. And snoopy me. I browse a bit and find he was posting ads of himself with tons of nudes in the m4m section of Craigslist looking for guys to hook up with behind my back.

Digging further I find his bisexuality goes back to 2012, that it goes as far as him being screwed by a tranny, (lots of tranny porn/escort searches in his history so must be a fetish). And that there is more such as him having an affair with a married woman.

He claims none of this is true, that his email was hacked.

Suuuure. Someone has been sending hundreds of emails to guys on Craigslist and hooking up with them and talking about it in detail to other people, since 2012, and he never noticed any of this in his email. Right.

We split up soon afterward.

I found more crap in his history yesterday (we still hang out and had almost gotten back together) and his excuse "look in my history! There's nothing there!" A hundred times I heard that. Because history can't be deleted and incognito can't be used lmao.

Part of me wants to out him but I don't feel like him pressing charges and winding up in jail. But I just had to tell the story somewhere because you feel like this stuff only happens in movies or something but nope. It's real. And it sadly had to happen to me and I don't even know how to get over it. I have no issues with him being bi whatsoever, if he would have been open about it. Heck I probably would have told him to keep having his fun with guys once in a while if it keeps him happy. But nope. He had to insult my intelligence and lie about every detail and I'm sure will take all of this to his grave.

Wish I had the money to hire a PI and prove I'm right...

If anyone has ever been through anything like this and could offer me advice or words of wisdom, it would be much appreciated. I am unfortunately head over heels in love with this guy (we were together a year) but now after confronting him a second time about all of this he told me to gtfo of his life and wants nothing to do with me

TL;DR; my ex boyfriend is a closet bisexual and apparently wants nothing to do with me because I know his secret. What do I do?

So you are a snoop and he cheat on you but you want him back? And you want to out him to the world to humiliate him but are worried about legal complications so you want to hire a PI?

Why do you want to do this? When asked she responded:

quote:

Because I feel like if he'd just come out he could stop lying about it and hating me for knowing and we could just be happy together...

Response: Trust me, that�s not why he hates you.

And in case you still sympathize with her:

quote:

Well like I said, I thought we were going to get back together. The day before I found this second bunch of crap we had just agreed to make our FWB exclusive.

When asked about why she is worried about him pressing charges:

quote:

No if I told anyone. I'm afraid he'd try to have me arrested for slander or something. I don't know. He's that kind of jerk. Called the cops on me one time when he wanted me to leave his apartment.

I think we all hope these two crazy kids can figure out how to make this work.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2018 20:05

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

This is fine.

quote:

My girlfriend [30] constantly picks fights with tough-looking guys in public so that I [26M] have to step in and defend her honor
u/VeganCheezeburger
Been dating �Crystal� for about a year now. Relationship has always been on the relatively light side�her terms. I�ve often hinted I want to take things to a more serious level, but she�s kind of playing it light and breezy with me. We�re exclusive, so at least I have that going for me, but she doesn�t want me meeting her parents or hang out with her and her friends. She has on occasion hung out with my friends and I, but she hasn�t met my parents yet. It�s kind of harder for her to meet them because they live in Russia.

Crystal is also considerably better off financially than me. She works an office job, but not a degree-requiring one. She has a degree in dance from the community college. Her parents pay for her apartment. I have a degree in computer programming but it is only an AA. I am saving money to transfer to UCLA but it�s hard because I need to pay the international student fee.

Okay so enough of my life story.

Crystal and I often go out to parties and bars, and she is the flirty, loud sort. If a guy responds, she will act insulted and then argue with the guy until he says something she takes as an insult, and then tells me about it. Well, I�m her boyfriend so I have to defend her. The other guy will often have a friend with him and feel safe in talking down to me but I am a pretty big guy I am six feet five and two hundred and fifty pounds because I played rugby as a late teen and work out hard still.

I have been arrested a couple of times defending her. She thinks it�s no big deal because I am eventually released and she pays the fine so it costs me no money.

I am not terribly experienced dating women here so I am wondering if this is just a normal thing I need to expect.

When I talked to Crystal about her behavior she turns it around on me and says that I am not a gentleman if I do not defend her and also that I am not manly if I back down from fights. I never back down from a confrontation but I do not like to fight a man if he isn�t even talking to her and he only gets mad after she pushes his buttons.

Looking for advice here on what I can say to her in this situation. Even when we do not go to seedy places like certain bars she will still often make a spectacle of herself and then she calls on me like a guard dog to clean up her social mess.

Why is she doing such things? Rhetorical question I do not know and when I ask her she deflects and turns it into a question of my courage and loyalty instead.

Theory? Counsel?

Tl;dr: girlfriend starts fights. I finish them for her.

Yes, this is perfectly normal behavior for a 30 year old woman. Chivalry demands it. Gentlemen of the Victorian Era prized a woman who would get drunk and poo poo talk guys to provoke duels. The Trojan War started because Helen was taking the piss out of guys at the local market.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 08:59

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

zakharov posted:

I'd ask why Pick continues to blatantly troll this thread but people keep biting so

Maybe because Pick is a thread treasure and makes people laugh? :shrug:

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 15:39

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Prepare to hate this world and this parent:

quote:

My [15M] mum [47F] was going to be allowed to see me if she stayed out of trouble. She was caught with Meth in her system yesterday and I just don't know anymore.

My life before I turned 9 was not easy. I grew up in a very low income area. My dad is in jail and is not getting out until I'm 30, That's if they decide to have mercy on him. I haven't seen him and I really don't want to see him, My mum got addicted to drugs after dad was arrested. I was taken away by the government from them. I've lived with Danny and Jordan for 6 or 7 years now. Danny and Jordan in terms of relation are my guardians. As to who they are, Jordan is a distant cousin with his wife, Danny. They're 39 and 36, I think. Danny looks like she's in her early twenties, so I always think she's younger than she is. I've been living with them for 6 or 7 years. I live in a nice house, nice school. Way better than what I had it.

The story with my mum is that she would have been allowed to see me with a Jordan and government worker there. The government and Jordan don't want me being alone with her. It was something we worked out a while ago. I've heard things about her. I heard at one point she was high in park somewhere. I hate using dad as an excuse, but that's the excuse people like to peddle out for her, She was always into this poo poo. Just not this bad. Anyway, uesterday, Danny was being super nice. She always is, but more than usual. She broke the news to me that they've had to call off the lunch with my mum.

The government wanted to do a test with her to see if she was sober. It's also to do with the police thing she has to go to. I think it's probation or something. I really don't know. I don't really know what's been going on with her since I was put into other people's care. She broke the agreement they had. They government won't let her anywhere near me because of it.

I was suppose to see her this weekend. And I don't just loving know anymore. Thank god I had to go to the doctor at lunch time today. There's this one kid that just annoys the gently caress out of me, He's not a bully, he's just annoying. He hisses at you to be quiet if you make the slightest noise in class. I was so close today he was pissing me off that much before I left. I am in a very annoyed mood, but I'm mostly sad. I don't know I wanted to see her, I just did.

Danny and Jordan got into a fight last night over this. Danny was angry that Jordan even suggested it because she knew this would happen. Jordan actually had to sleep in the guest room she was that angry. I tried to help, but she told me to say out of it because they're suppose to be looking after me. This whole thing has caused so much tension and headache.

TL;DR: I was suppose to see my mum this weekend, but she was caught with Meth in system. The government wants her no where near me because of it. My guardians are fighting because one of them didn't want it to begin with. I'm just sad because I was this close to seeing her after all these years, but I just don't know anymore.

I am involved in CASA and this could have been one of my kids. Poor guy.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 15:53

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Barudak posted:

You ever get thwacked in the knees by a boxed copy of �A Feast for Odin�? Thatll do it

The Twilight Imperium box also makes a good weapon.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 15:54

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Ummm. I am just going to put this here.

quote:

Me [21 ] with my fiance [29 M] for 4 years. For most part it's a dream relationship but I'm worried he might be gay and I'm setting myself up for heartbreak

u/ismyfiancegay

Hey everyone...throwaway for obvious reasons. And I want to say strait out that I have no problems whatsoever with people who are gay. I live in a pretty small southern town so don't know many gay people but still...no issues whatsoever! My only issue would be that if he is gay, he needs to be honest with both of us because maybe I'm not what he needs! On to my question...

I met my now fiance four years ago, while we weren't techinically "together" until I turned 18...we really were inseparable and have so much in common. When I turned 18 our relationship turned physical and I truly felt that I found my soulmate (and even if he is gay, I will be his best friend forever). He proposed over Christmas and even with these lingering thoughts in my head, I still gladly said yes.

The issue comes in that he ALWAYS wants to have anal sex. I don't mind it every once in a while but I just can't do it more than like once every few months. I know this may sound trivial but, I mean it is a daily begging session from him for him to let me do it. That's weird in itself but he REFUSES to go down on me, or even look at my vagina. Like he's terrified of it. He will touch me with his hands for about a minute and then he's ready to touch my butt. I have groomed, seen my gyno to see if there's something wrong...but no...everything is ok down there. Because I was so young when we got together, I have never experienced oral (on me, I give him oral a lot) but really want to.

The other thing is his relationship with his friends...they hang out all the time. And it's not just hanging out, its like shirtless camping trips, shirtless trips on speed boats, shirtless facebook pics while they are in trucks. It all looks very fratboy like but in a lot of the pics, it looks like my fiance eyes are caught just staring lovingly at his friends. The other thing that they will do is go into the biggest city close to us and go what they call "f-- bashing" where they throw bottles and stuff at the people in line at the club they think is gay. He was arrested for it last year and got off the charges and hasn't done it since but it's still a red flag I guess because I think he might be trying to cover his true feelings up. Oh and I almost forgot, while his friends get like Sports Illustrated swimsuit posters and magazines, my boyfreind subscribes to lots of weight lifting magazines and tears out pictures and posts them on his door, fridge, wall, etc... saying that's the new physique he's going for.

He is such a great guy in so many other ways that I'm just really torn here. If he is gay I want him to come out so he can be happy...if he's not I want some minor changes to his behavior and to not be so into my butt and show me some "normal" attention to my vagina.

Just wondering if anyone else has ever been in this scenario and if there's any advice you might have.

I'm also wondering should I just ask him openly if he may be gay? Or should I just assume that he may be and move on to someone who I know will give me more of what I want?

Thank you in advance.

TL;DR: - fiance raises some major red flags that he might be gay. Should I ask him directly, accept him for who he is or move on?

He sounds pretty gay what with the whole disgust at everything but your butt and that is quite an age gap. Worse of course is that he attacks and harasses people for fun. That is bad when you are a stupid college kid and worse when you are almost 30. Why is his possibly being gay the big issue when he is doing that? Maybe you should break up?

Oh wait, a follow up post:

quote:

Me 21F with my EX-fiance 29M, just broke up with him after asking him directly if he was gay. He become insanely angry and I had to hide in his closet until my brother (who is a parish sheriff deputy) could get me.

u/ismyfiancegay

It's been a crazy day to say the least...the most insane day of my life. Background is here I guess from a post I made this morning:

/r/relationships/comments/34q3wq/me_21_with_my_fiance_29_m_for_4_years_for_most/

Today me and EX!!!!! did all the usual stuff, went to church, dinner at his grandma's house...

We live in a small town and one thing that happens here is that they reeducate young prisoners (I can't think of the word for the program) at a halfway house by teaching them to take care of horses. So its really often that you will see them riding their horses next to the main highway through our town. Today we were driving back to my Daddy's house and my fiance looked at two of the guys and said something like "Oh man, I'd like to take a ride on those! The horses of course...but the guys ain't bad!" It's not uncommon for him to have told jokes like this and I would always just let it slide and maybe laugh.

But today I looked and said "I've really been wondering if maybe, just maybe you like men? In that way?"

He just kind of looked at me and I said "It's ok if you do, I still love you but some of the things you do are just make me wonder"

At this point he just slammed on the gas to my daddy's house and said something like "don't you ever call me a f--"

I was terrified and tried to calm him down and said "thats not what I'm saying please slow down...I just want you to be happy"

He kept speeding up and took the turn and was going like 85 down a 35 mph two-lane. He screeched into the drive and slammed the breaks. I was terrified to see that Daddy's truck was not there so as soon as he stopped I ran out of the car, got into my old room, locked the door to it then hid in my closet and called my brother. He was not working today (he's a Deputy Sheriff in our parish) but he said he would be over in 5 minutes and was calling his friend who was working. I could hear my EX get in his car and do burnouts in the driveway before he sped away. My brother got there and passed my ex on the way in. The other deputy apparently saw him on the road and pulled him over and arrested him for aggravated speeding and reckless driving. He didn't damage anything in the house and never touched me so they said there was really no domestic assault charges they could get him with but I would have supported it had they done so.

I figured I would be getting texts or calls from him for bail but so far he hasn't contacted me at. My brother drove me to his place and helped me get all my stuff. I left the ring and the keys there. We live in a tiny town and we will see each other but I do not want anything to do with him as long as I can help it.

Obviously him doing hateful things and trying to hurt people should have been a huge red-flag to me. I feel like I should be sadder than I am and maybe I will be, but right now I just feel so happy to be sleeping at my dads in my nice comfy old bed.

tl;dr: EX-fiance freaked out after I asked him if he might be gay. It's over and I feel pretty good about myself.

Yeah, he is in Narnia. And he is an insane dangerous rear end in a top hat.

# ¿ Aug 21, 2018 21:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 02:12

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Pick posted:

You thinking of Greatest Gen? It was recommended to me but I have never listened to any entertainment media podcasts, only true crime and history so far. If it was by people more from the female-dominated side of fandom I would be most likely to be interested because I mostly like Star Trek for the exploring-character space and don't really give a poo poo about timelines or ship sizes or whatever

Yes, but then how will you know if the Enterprise could beat up a Star Destroyer? You might be missing out.

# ¿ Aug 22, 2018 05:07

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›21 »