- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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When I saw the past thread was closed, I was wondering who took things too far. Good to know it's just a new thread.
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Apr 2, 2024 18:09
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 20, 2024 23:24
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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New player in speed running to estrangement has entered the field:
AITA for finding it unfair that my dad told me that I had to pay rent or move out at 18 but didn't tell my brothers the same thing at 18?
Just say no. What's he going to do?
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Apr 3, 2024 01:22
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Booooooooooooo
AITAH for the way I responded to my daughter asking if I had a crush?
12 hours later...
Update: AITAH for the way I responded to my daughter asking me if I had a crush?
I always appreciate when the update is "Wow, yeah, I was a moron. I corrected my behavior"
Sometimes the constant doubling down by people is loving exhausting.
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Apr 4, 2024 18:20
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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It’s already been changed you oaf.
The new avatar is very good btw
AITA for not inviting my eldest brother to my wedding.
This reads a lot like "it is everyone's responsibility to come to me for social engagement"
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Apr 4, 2024 20:47
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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ESH but there's a thing here I didn't quite appreciate until I had my own kids:
When I was a kid, my brother and I would play NES/SNES/N64 games and there were more than a few times than we got so angry with each other, we fought. Never once did either of us ever pick up a loving console and smash it on table.
If your kids are likely to pick up expensive items and smash them in frustration... you might be a lovely parent, sorry dude.
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Apr 5, 2024 18:29
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I think the brother should be less concerned about the ps5 and more concerned about the fact that kid is smashing stuff when he gets frustrated
I'm also curious about the age of the kid and whether he was apologetic although that's not really that relevant to the actual question I guess
quote:I gave my nephew a $50 gift certificate for Nintendo for his birthday. I had checked with my brother in advance about his first gift to make sure he and his wife were okay with it so he was expecting the PS5. My brother not my nephew. My nephew thanked me for the $50 and apologized for getting upset and breaking my N64.
The kid is more mature than the brother.
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Apr 5, 2024 18:37
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITAH for not telling people at my new job that my wife is bi?
bi wife so what
"That was a great meeting today, everyone. I think this project is going to be a great success. Also, my wife is bisexual."
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Apr 5, 2024 20:23
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Dredging up a classic:
AITA for not getting a tattoo with my sisters and inheriting our grandma's money?
She and her brothers are absolutely loving assholes if they don't split it evenly. Grandma was a dumb bitch, doesn't mean she should be too.
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Apr 5, 2024 20:30
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Stories of adults being unwilling to say no to a child infuriate me.
I guarantee the aunt demands that her boundaries are always respected. No respect for the boundaries of anyone else though.
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Apr 9, 2024 07:43
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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So many stories where the family just lets the rear end in a top hat get their way to keep the peace. No, if you're an rear end in a top hat you don't get your way. Stop appeasing these people.
It's so loving exhausting. Why do these families constantly bend over backwards to appease the rear end in a top hat that makes everyone miserable?
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Apr 9, 2024 20:25
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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YTA for talking like this
YTA for policing how people talk
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Apr 9, 2024 23:01
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITAH for dumping my GF after moving in with her
quote:I 25M, moved in with my gf 24f of four years, three weeks ago. She chose the place and although her name is on the lease I paid half of the deposit and paid the first month of rent as she couldn't afford it. I also paid the first month of bills. She works part time and has some savings she used to furniture the place according to her taste despite my objections. I felt she overspent and the money could have been better spent on other things.
she had a few friends over on Monday when I came home. She had ordered food and as I normally come home from work at five she was surprised to see me there an hour earlier. They were a little drunk and one of her friend made strange comments, which I thought nothing of due to the alcohol as I went to the bathroom to shower.
When I came out from the shower her other friends and sister was quoting me poetry that I had written to my gf, and was quite handsy. I found it odd and asked her where she had heard that. She goes we just read your loveletters to her before watching a movie. My gf was laughing with them. Her sister made a remark about how she wanted me to do her the way I do her sister because she had never felt that way. I was furious but due to her drunkeness thought it impossible to talk to her.
I left for my mother's house.
On Tuesday she called me seventeen times but I ignored it. she also sent many text wanting to know why I wasn't home.
On Wednesday I told her in person how hurt I was for her sharing my intimate letters with her friends, and for oversharing what we do in private. She said relax it was a joke and nobody got hurt. She said the girls were impressed with me and that is why they got a little handsy. She said once I gave her the letters they were hers to share with whom she pleased. So I told her that I am my own person and can make the decision to not share more of myself with her.
Today she came to my mother's apologising. She wanted me to come back and talk it out with her. I told her no, and that we were through. She wouldn't leave so I drove to my father's place, where I am now. She kep texting me and telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for leaving her like that. She got her friends and sister to apologise to me and they told me to quit playing games and go home now that they had apologised. I told them I was home and that as my name was not on the lease and I wasn't respected as an equal in her home I no longer wanted to be with her.
Luckily for me I hadn't moved most of my stuff there. She kept phoning and texting and I blocked her. She then made a mutual male friend of ours contact me and tell me that I was being a bitch about it. So I blocked him too. Then his gf texted me and told me not to take things out or proportion.
I am almost certain I did the right thing, but maybe I should talk it out with her before cutting all contact.
OP: I'm hurt by this thing you did!
Ex: Hey no one got hurt.
Gender swapped version of this would lead to the police being called.
Hey! There was an update to this!
UPDATE: AITAH for dumping my gf after moving in with her.
quote:After reading a lot of the advice here and talking it out with my family and friends it seems it's best to not continue my relationship. I haven't contacted her directly but I went with my brother and my friend while she went to visit her parents..prebooked trip.... I collected my things and gave my brother the key to give to her Friday evening. She wouldn't take it from him as she wanted me to return it. My brother told her there was zero chance of that happening because of the tiktok post she had on her account going into more details about what was in the letters from me including her mentioning my sister by name and her miscarriages.
This forced my sister to tell my mother about it even though it brought up a lot of trauma for her. At the moment my sister is not talking to me, because she felt I shouldn't have shared that with anyone. I agree. It was a violation on my part even though I was looking for emotional support from my gf. My ex took down the post in hopes of getting me to meet with her.
When she realised that wouldn't happen she put up another one telling her side of the story. There were several parts and in it she was looking for the letters to show her followers, but I knew where she kept them and took them while I went to collect my stuff. I burnt all of them. I won't be writing letters to any new romantic partners anytime soon.
Her sister has been to my my mother's a few times trying to get me to help out with the rent as according to my exes reasoning if I hadn't agreed to pay for the rent she wouldn't have overspent on setting up her home the way she wanted. Even if she sells the stuff she won't get the original price for it, so she feels it's my fault for making her lose money.
She did contact the landlord...filmed for her tiktok viewers while she was on the phone to him... and he denied her breaking the lease without penalties, She has to pay the remainder of the months.
I asked her for my deposit through my friend while he was on the loudspeaker to her so I could hear her side without having to speak...knowing full well I wouldn't get my part, but at least he tried. She called him a lot of names. Then phoned him back and apologised because she wanted him to tell me to phone her so she could straighten out the misunderstanding, and we could get back together.
She has now taken down all the posts about me, don't know if she will upload them again once it dawns on her that we are through.
She phoned my brother again to make me speak to her so she could explain, and he met her a few hours ago. He finally gave her the key as she was told either she could take it or we would return it to the landlord. He picked up a call from her an hour after he dropped off the keys. She wanted to talk to me and to forgive her as she had seen how she made a mistake and that it wouldn't happen again. She wanted me to return the loveletters, but my brother told her they were burnt. She had a go at him so my brother cut her off.
She phoned back more apologetic and said what she had to do to make me go back. He asked her if she would be okay with me sharing her nudes and clip she has sent me with my male friends. He asked her this without okaying it with me first. She said she wouldn't be okay with it. I guess the double standard has completely turned me off as she told my brother that if you receive something through a romantic relationship then it stay between four eyes. It's not that she doesn't understand that what she did is wrong, it's that she expects me to be okay with it as in her mind her feelings matter more in the relationship. She also thinks that me being taller and bigger than her shouldn't have felt threathened by her friends or sisters as I was in not really in harms way.
He then blocked her as she phoned him several times over and left him crying messages and then some angry messages to delete her nudes.
Her sister left an angry message with the friend that helped me with asking for the deposit and she threathened him that if I ever leaked her nudes I wouldn't live to regret it. She told him to pass on the message to me that there is something she is very insecure about sharing about her body and she doesn't want me to share that without her consent.
I am getting a new number as I can do so with my current payment plan. I am going forward from this and hoping that I make better decisions in the fututre.
Thank you to all that helped me with good avice.
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Apr 10, 2024 18:09
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Regarding smoking - my parents smoked when I was younger, but I was lucky in that they would always go outside/to the garage to do so. My mother hated the smell of smoke in the house. My mom and stepdad both still smoke. My mother is down to about 5 cigarettes a day while my stepdad is down to like 10-15 a day (he used to be a 3+ packs a day chainsmoker). Regardless, I"m glad that I was mostly saved from having to experience that as it was done outside-ish.
When I used to be in the military, I tried smoking for a while. Mainly because smokers were basically given freedom to take 10 minute breaks every hour to go smoke and non smokers weren't. I tried for a week or two and then didn't like it and grew bored so I didn't continue.
Smoking is lame and boring.
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Apr 10, 2024 18:47
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Let me know if this has been posted…
AITA for considering leaving my wife (32F) after her affair with my dad (48M) came to light, knowing that it would destroy my family’s dynamic?
So, here’s the situation. I (26M) recently found out that my wife (32F) of two years has been having an affair with my dad (48M) for about six months. This revelation came from my wife, who confessed out of guilt. My father also apologized for the affair. To complicate matters further, I discovered that my mom (49F) was aware of this affair and was oddly okay with it.
My wife has been incredibly apologetic since the confession and wants to continue our marriage, promising it was a mistake and that she wants to fix things. However, during our discussions, she admitted to enjoying the sexual relationship with my dad more than with me and mentioned that part of her love for me stems from the similarities she sees between me and my dad. This has left me feeling inadequate and betrayed on multiple levels.
I’m contemplating leaving my wife, but I’m aware this decision could completely dismantle the already strained relationships within my family. I’m conflicted because, despite the hurt, part of me still cares for her, but I also feel like staying could mean disrespecting myself. The whole situation is a mess, and I’m not sure if walking away makes me the rear end in a top hat here, considering the potential fallout.
Reddit posted:This sounds like a hentai storyline lol.
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Apr 10, 2024 19:52
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Age-gap creep faces righteous mom anger.
AITAH for exposing my bestfriend's boyfriend to his own mom because he's a chronic cheater? And now his family hates him
"I genuinely hate him and want him to suffer" - OP was not playing around (and good for her).
She fuckin rules. More people need friends like OP.
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Apr 10, 2024 22:43
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Jellyfish have more spine than so many of these people.
Also another detail of poker night OP -
quote:I have bpd so I do understand what is extreme thinking and what is not. Anyways I'll be bringing this up with my therapist today.
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Apr 11, 2024 00:56
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Title only, but LOL
AITA for blowing up at my husband because he counted his work on our DND game as one of his chores?
I couldn't help but be curious, so I sought out the full post:
quote:I (35F) and my husband (35M) have been together for ten years, blissfully happy, no notes.
Over COVID we got into Dungeons and Dragons. We have a weekly game that runs from 3 to 4 hours with three other friends. Five of us have been going on adventures for the past few years, meeting consistently over Zoom. I've been having a great time overall.
My husband is the DM, which means he does a lot of work preparing the sessions. This includes coming up with the characters we are going to have conversations with, figuring out the battles we are going to fight and so on. I really appreciate his work.
On the other hand, I've been feeling like I'm doing more chores in our partnership. I cook a lot, clean the kitchen, help with the loundry, do most of the driving. We tried splitting chores before, there was a period where he would fold laundry or do cleaning while I cooked, but it didn't last beyond a week or two.
I normally don't particularly mind but life has been especially poo poo lately due to health issues in the family and I think it put extra stress on us.
So, the other day I cooked dinner. During dinner he was giving me a sneak peek of the magical items he made for the blacksmith in the new town and I guess I didn't look as excited so he asked me why. I said: "I'll be excited when you clean up the kitchen after we are done eating."
This started a major argument (and we really don't have many of those, so it was a bit intense) about how I don't appreciate his work on this campaign. I countered by saying he's free to work on his hobbies as much as he wants but it's not the same thing as helping me out with chores. To this, he countered, that his work on this DND campaign counts as a chore, just like cooking and cleaning. He said he provides a space for hanging out with our friends every week. In a way, he's organizing and scheduling our social life and that it takes a lot of work.
I thought this was an absolutely bonkers perspective. This is where things escalated because I was sort of befuddled (I still am) and he got really hurt. He did say: "The fact that you're asking this shows you don't understand how much work I put into this campaign." For the record, I did run a leg of the campaign as the DM for a few weeks and it was a lot of work.
But it was a hobby, at least to me. It was a fun thing I elected to do, not something I needed to do, like a chore. He pointed out that I don't need to cook either, we can afford to eat out every night and hire a cleaning service for sorting out the apartment. He's not wrong, we can afford it but it still felt weird.
I eventually let it go, but I feel like I am going to need some sort of a resolution to this because I can feel the resentment bubbling in my chest. I don't want to win an argument, I am not looking for vindication, but can someone give me an insight into this conflict? Am I wrong? Am I being the rear end in a top hat here?
Thank you.
He's the rear end in a top hat for the way he handled it, but I feel like the actual answer is to hire a cleaning service, since they can clearly afford it. DMing is a lot of loving work if you're not just throwing poo poo together. So he's not wrong there. But that doesn't mean you can just neglect everything else in life. The players (including herself) only ever need to show up. DM's often put in hours of prep before every session. Yes, that is part of the hobby, but if he doesn't do that work, it eliminates her hobby as well.
IMHO - they should communicate better (as is always the answer).
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Apr 11, 2024 23:24
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I don't play DnD personally, but I guess this is pretty much like all leisure activities that a couple might do together? Like if these two were planning on going on holiday together, then all the travel planning would surely count as "chores" even if they are strictly speaking "non-essential"? Same if they were hosting a party and one person is doing all the prep work.
You can definitely put way too much work into these things, possibly as a way to get out of doing other things, and that may very well be the case with the husband, but that's another issue and can happen with any activity. Just because something is not strictly "essential" doesn't mean it's not a "chore", whatever that means.
Upon thinking on this more, this is kinda where I land on it.
They could always switch to a game that doesn't require prep like Doc Hawkins mentioned, though I doubt anyone would like that if they've been playing this campaign for years. Another option would be to not fuckin play weekly because that's a lot of loving work for weekly games. When I've played and DM'd games in the past, we would do every other week at most.
Regardless, if he stopped DMing completely, I very much doubt she would not like that solution either.
OP posted:He said he provides a space for hanging out with our friends every week. In a way, he's organizing and scheduling our social life and that it takes a lot of work.
OP posted:For the record, I did run a leg of the campaign as the DM for a few weeks and it was a lot of work.
OP posted:But it was a hobby, at least to me. It was a fun thing I elected to do, not something I needed to do, like a chore.
I highly doubt if he came to her and said "I'm going to stop DMing and now I'll split the household chores with you 50/50" that she would find that to be a satisfactory solution.
I feel like there need to be a better balance and he should help out, but it does kinda come across as "I want you to do half the chores while also still doing the hours of prep needed for our weekly social function."
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Apr 11, 2024 23:46
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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It was nice of the MIL to let OP come to the wedding of her and her son
Reddit posted:IN.FO - you were unable to get a single photo without your MIL in it, just you and your husband? And your husband thinks you're behaving badly by being upset? Has he always been a mama's boy?
OP posted:Yes, I would say so. He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him.
By 'single photo' I mean a photo with the professional photographer we hired. He took photos of the ceremony and was supposed to give us a final photo for the end, but was unable to get it without my MIL. There are other photos taken by other guests or my family members, but it was not 'professionally done' and I wanted one of us(because I paid for it).
Hope it's not too late for an annulment.
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Apr 12, 2024 01:47
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend over a video call while having sex?
quote:Okay, this might be theatrical but it's true. Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years but recently I found out that for the past whole year he had been cheating on me with a mutual acquaintance.
That other girl didn't knew that my boyfriend was still committed to me and she was under the impression that we had broken up already. She got to know about me being the girlfriend through another mutual friend. And when she got to know about this, she reached out to me first before going to my boyfriend and taking up the matter with him.
I was heartbroken initially and felt like a fool. It had been over a year since this had been going on, and so I decided to take revenge. After a week of mourning and ignoring my pathetic boyfriend, I decided to dump him in a drastic fashion.
I reached out to one of my exes. One of the more decent ones, who was available at the time and was in town. I called him over to hookup. And while we were at it, I video called my boyfriend to break the news. He was flabbergasted but I definitely cherished the look on his face.
But since then I've been wondering that I was no better than him maybe and that I shouldn't have pulled this off. I'm confused.
And hence I'm here asking reddit if I'm the rear end in a top hat or not ...
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Apr 12, 2024 01:53
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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If anyone told me "my wife is a lousy gently caress" I'd not want them to talk to me ever again.
One thing my wife and I agreed on while we were dating is that we would never speak negative about the other person to people we know. That's just opening the door to negative resentment. We agreed that as soon as someone starts feeling like it is okay to speak negatively about their partner to other people, you're no longer addressing the issue and, in fact, you're dragging other people into a problem the two of you should be dealing with together.
It's such a boomer mindset imo. "THE OLE BALL AND CHAIN!!!"
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Apr 12, 2024 17:52
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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The closest I have ever come to complaining about my wife to a third party IRL in our 14 years of marriage was once her own mother grumbled about one of her picadillos and I did not argue.
It's probably related to growing up in a house where both my parents' favorite subject was how much they were unhappy with the other.
Yeah, for me and my wife, we like each other and as such, we wouldn't want to make the other person look bad in front of other people. When you complain about your partner to a friend or something, the friend is naturally going to take your side and it is only going to make the situation worse. The only reason I can understand bringing an outside person into the situation is in a mediation sort of way. But even for something like that - see a therapist. I guess the reason I don't get it is, as mentioned, my wife and I actually like each other and it sure as gently caress seems like that's an uncommon thing in relationships nowadays.
There is a couple we're friends with that it seems like their favorite past time is to bitch about each other to whoever will listen. To the point my wife and I have, multiple times, wondered "Do they even like each other? Why are they married?"
I hate to stereotype but it feels like such as cis-het boomer mindset. Gotta bitch about my spouse! The ole ball 'n chain is holding me back from achieving greatness!
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Apr 12, 2024 18:20
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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as long as your friends don't think they're therapists themselves, which is hella common these days
When it comes to the "trusted friend," it also depends if they are a friend of one individual or of the couple. If one person is bitching to a friend who doesn't often interact with the other person, then the friend is very likely going to take the side of the person bitching, even if they're wrong. That's just natural bias. And that's not going to help the situation.
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Apr 12, 2024 19:04
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I must confess I don't get the whole "you can't discuss your relationship problems with your close friend, but only with a therapist" thing. Is not one of the main roles of close friends to be people that you can confide in and who know you well enough that they can both help you out and call you out when you are being an rear end in a top hat? I have always thought of my close friends as being people I can come to with my problems and people who can come to me with theirs. I have certainly talked to close friends about very personal problems in my life at times and while being supportive they have helped me realize that I am the person who needs to smarten up and make changes. To me the idea that all serious personal and relationship problems need to be taken to some kind of professional cheapens the role of friendship and other intimate personal relationships.
Not saying at all that there is no role for therapy - there very clearly is and there is no shame in it - but I don't think that is the only only valid source of advice and support for personal or relationship problems.
I think a lot of people don't do that last part. They'll provide unconditional support always and never do the call out part ever. Which can lead to one person going back to the relationship with "Well, I talked to <friend> and they said I'm right."
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Apr 12, 2024 19:43
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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it's because the whole argument is a tangent from the actual original situation, where the gf was casually joking around with her friends about her partner's intimate pros and cons. therapy-friends were brought up to distract from the bad take that the op should just shut up and be grateful the relationship exists
getting other people involved in your relationship disputes is fine, but some issues are I think too intimate for discussion behind someone's back. I have listened to my friend talk about his partner's difficult relationship with her family - I have not and wouldn't ever want to hear about any problems in the bedroom, especially without her consent
Absolutely this.
I also feel like it's a matter of degree. There's a difference between seeking advice and bitching. I would like to think that, generally speaking, the people in this thread aren't completely lost causes and have good intentions - which is why I think there may have been a bigger reaction to me saying "don't bitch about your personal life to your friends."
Going to a friend and saying "<spouse> and I got in a fight because I feel like they're not doing enough chores, though they think they're doing their fair share" is something I think is totally valid to talk about with a friend when seeking council.
Going to that same friend and saying "<spouse> is such a piece of poo poo. I slave away in this house and all they do is sit on their fat, lazy rear end" is not something you should be sharing. But booooooooooy to I know people who talk like this about their partner.
Also never loving share intimate/sensitive details about your partner without their loving consent - which is the heart of where this conversation first started.
It's one thing to tell a friend about the time your partner forgot about an important date or something. It's another thing to talk about their sexual performance.
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Apr 12, 2024 22:18
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Strap in.
AITA for refusing to host Easter dinner if nephew is invited?
quote:Throwaway bc wife knows my account.
I (37) and my wife (35) have been arguing about this all week.
Our nephew (22) has always been troubled, even though SIL (44) and BIL (48) have always treated him well. Some examples of his unsettling behavior:
- He was caught feeding one of BIL's horses avocados (poisonous to horses) to make it sick. I have dogs and don't want him to hurt them as well.
- He demands to be called the names of two specific fictional characters. He believes he is these characters, reincarnated. If you call him by his real name or refuse to go along with his delusions he becomes aggressive.
- He carries around a plushie of one of these characters everywhere. There is a hole in the back. The hole is stained. I have tried not to jump to conclusions about what he does to that plushie and failed. It smells rancid, and honestly just thinking about the thing makes me want to vomit.
I have tried so hard to be patient with his "quirks" as my wife puts it, but what really pushed me over the edge was an incedent that occured a few weeks ago. For context, wife has struggled with infertility for our entire marriage, and we had given up on having our own kid until we recently discovered she is pregnant. Given the fact that she's 35, we have been surprised and overjoyed.
A few weeks ago, wife started randomly getting rude texts from nephew, insulting our baby. One text implied that our baby would have FAS, due to my wife's previous drinking problem, even though she has been sober for years. I wanted to call up that insensitive brat and tear into gim, but wife insisted we gently let him know via text that we didn't appreciate his comments. When he kept going and my wife started crying, I called SIL. She was able to shut him down and get him to apologize. I have no idea what the hell got into him, but I suspect it has to do with his hatred of women.
Wife believes that he may be on the spectrum/ have undiagnosed mental illness and that he needs to be treated patiently. I think he has been coddled his entire life and it has only made him worse. I think if someone doesn't put their foot down, his behavior will escalate into something dangerous.
Here's where I may be TA. Each year, wife and I host Easter Dinner for her entire family. Wife has already forgiven nephew for the incedent and is insisting we invite him so that he isn't isolated from his family, something she believes will worsen his behavior. I see her reasoning, but enough is enough. I refused. I said she is being a doormat like everyone else in the family when it comes to him, and that our manchild of a nephew can't just make her cry and get away with it with an empty apology. Some of my friends are saying that I am being controlling and that I can't stop her from seeing her own family. I feel like I am going insane. AITA?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
quote:Reddit Commenter: He has a history of poisoning. He has a history of hating women. He has a history of mentally abusing your wife. He has a history of saying the baby will have birth defects.
It seems like it would be fully within his capabilities to poison your wife to hurt the baby. Sounds crazy but this guy definitely is.
OP: This is exactly what I am afraid of. I feel like nobody in the family wants to admit that his problems aren't just him having quirks; they're warning signs of potentially dangerous behavior later on and they need to be dealt with. I am glad I am not alone in thinking this-- I was starting to wonder if I was overreacting. Like, the plushie thing and him thinking he is certain fictional characters is one thing, but the animal cruelty and anger towards women is what really have me concerned. quote:Reddit Commenter: Yes, the animal cruelty is a clear sign of him being an actual psychopath. The issue is how to make your wife see this without pushing it. Most people don’t want to believe their family is capable of such cruelty. You’ll have to be very very gentle if you intend to discuss it at all. Worst comes to worst, very carefully watch the food and drink.
Personally I can’t believe anyone in the family puts up with that utterly disgusting plushie! I mean how can they expect you to bring your future child around that.
OP: His parents got it for him when he was a kid. They thought it was cute when he brought it everywhere. I think on some level, they still see him as a child so they kind of refuse to acknowledge what he does to that thing. quote:Reddit Commenter: NTA but honestly the whole family are for allowing this to continue. How long has he behaved like this for? I can’t believe no one has taken him to a doctor I mean just the fact that this adult man is carrying around a stinky stained plushie of a fictional character is bad enough but the trying to hurt a horse thing? And no one thinks that’s worth looking into?
OP: His mom does try to push him to go to therapy and to get a job, and he usually will get a therapist-- for a few weeks. And then she is back to begging him to get therapy. She didn't want to push him when he was younger, but now that he is an adult she cannot make him do anything. At least he has learned (after getting fired for this previously) not to take his plusie to the jobs he manages to hold down for a month or two. quote:Reddit Commenter: Do you know if he has harmed other animals/wife's safety?
OP: I do not know if he has harmed other animals. He was actually vegan for a few months at one point, and was very anti animal cruelty. I don't know why he flipped and tried to hurt one of the horses, and honesty the fact that he can go against his own supposed values like that also scares me.
I think I need to emphasize to my wife that this is a matter of safety rather than me just being mad at our nephew for his comments (although that is also a part of it). My wife has always wanted kids so badly, and before she got pregnant, I think she projected a bit of that onto our nephew as we watched him a decent amount when he was younger. I get that he's family and she loves him, and it's hard to admit that someone you love could be a danger to you, but she also has our baby to think about.
I think I will show her these comments in the morning after I make her tea and apologize for calling her a doormat/getting upset while arguing. I need to aproach this a bit more gently, as you guys are confirming for me that it really is more serious than him just being rude.
MINI-UPDATE
quote:My wife and I had a long talk this morning in which I made it clear that I was more concerned about her and our baby's safety than anything (I also apologized for resorting to name calling last night. Wife isn't a doormat, she just has a lot of love and patience for her family).
It was a hard talk with some tears from both of us, but she agreed that this has escalated to a point that may become dangerous, in part due to the enabling from all of us. Honestly I am also guilty of coddling him, especially when he was a kid.
It's hard to admit when someone you took care of as a kid has grown into someone unsafe to be around, but I think the idea in this comment might work as a way to set boundaries without shutting him out permanently. We are going to call his mother and explain that Easter Dinner isn't happening this year if nephew is coming, and that he is welcome to come over when he has a diagnosis and has stuck with a therapist for at least a couple months.
Thank you all for your advice
FULL UPDATE (two weeks later)
quote:This bizarre series of events started on Easter and has only gotten weirder since. For those of you who did not read/don't remember my original post, my Nephew was banned from our recent Easter dinner due to a concerning pattern of behavior, including recent disturbing text messages to my pregnant wife about her unborn child.
Since then, his parents eventually agreed to not bring him after a lot of arguing. SIL (nephew's mother) eventually admitted that he may need professional help and that Wife and I "may have some reason" to be worried for out safety around him. And on Easter, our worries were proven more than reasonable.
He showed up uninvited, using BIL's car (his parents came in SIL's car). Our dinner was interrupted by aggressive pounding on our door. I don't know how to put this without it sounding insane so here goes: Nephew was at our door, holding a sword, and dressed as the Joker. He tried to say something, but I slammed the door in his face and told everyone inside what was going on.
Chaos, predictably, insued. BIL, a generally calm guy who I have never seen freak out or get angry, turned beet red and went outside. He ended up literally chasing Nephew around our house, screaming at him, in an attempt to get him to leave. Neighbors came outside and SIL went into damage control mode, talking down one concerned neighbor from calling the police somehow.
He dropped his sword in the chase and BIL tackled him on our front lawn. They got him into SIL's car somehow and they left with him. Easter dinner was ruined. Wife was in tears. I was so mad I was shaking.
Good news is that this was a wakeup call for SIL and BIL. Under threat of them withdrawing financial support, Nephew has agreed to seek therapy and surrender access to his Tumblr blog, which he previously would spend hours a day posting on. His mother went through it and found a lot of alarming posts, including content about his hatred for women, screenshots posted of his text exchange with my wife with captions bragging about his hurtful behavior, and several disturbing "fanfictions" with violent sexual content. They believe him being too online is worsening his behavior and are hoping that limiting his access and forcing him into therapy will help.
Thank you for all who convinced me to stand my ground in the comments of my original post.
quote:Reddit Commenter: NTA, Look for all I care you can be a rabbit identifying as a frog, or believe you are Superman, if you aren't hurting anyone and can function in society, have at it...BUT, This guy is scary AND dangerous. He hurts animals, hates woman, and has a false sense of reality. The family has enabled this behavior for years.
Nope, I wouldn't want him anywhere near your pregnant wife, and later your child. He is going to hurt someone.
OP: Funnily enough you almost guessed which two characters he identifies as: a frog, Kermit to be exact (yes as in the muppet), and the Joker (not Superman, but from the same source material).
This lead people to FIND THE NEPHEW'S TUMBLR ACCOUNT
Random Commentor posted:
https://www.tumblr.com/the-muppet-joker
I just scrolled a lot, because I'm on my phone and not reading all that as there's multiple posts a day, but I did just see a posted screen capture of the-muppet-joker talking to his mother about the messages to his Aunt.
The screen capture post was made on 7th March and OOP posted on Reddit on 21st March. If it's a bit then it's an insanely committed one.
EDIT 1: And we have horse poisoning on 25th February.
"if he dies, maybe I'll finally be the favorite son instead of playing second fiddle to a loving animal."
And post vet treatment, as this horse getting poisoned has happened before
"I find it funny that he'll hire a private detective for a horse but not attend his own child's badminton games. Priorities."
EDIT 2: Right, I have now done my Reddit public service for the day, the earliest post I could scroll to on the blog was 23rd May 2023. There are unredacted names in various conversation screenshots, the-muppet-joker refers to having been kicked in the head by a horse, and a number of anti horse tagged posts. Another Random Redditor posted:Ohgods. THIS AH. He's caused some drama in the Hazbin and a few other communities. I know he's been banned from several more. I've had to ban him from a couple gaming communities.
I think he's a Redditor as well, so be careful he doesn't start harrassing anyone here.
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Apr 14, 2024 01:41
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I just enjoy a good “OP had a spine” story.
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Apr 14, 2024 02:33
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I know we carefully examine plot holes in most of the made up stories, but for some reason this one gets a pass. Why would a high school teacher, particularly one teaching juniors/seniors, give any mind to what kids were talking about at lunch? Why would they even be present for those conversations? Why would they be grading another teacher's papers? Hardly anything in this story makes sense, but we've got three pages of posters foaming at the mouth about how they were wronged in 6th grade by some teacher.
There are a surprising amount of teachers that loving hate neurodivergent children.
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Apr 15, 2024 01:38
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife because she got a reduction?
Babe your disgusting b-cups, scars, and desire to control your own body are giving me the ick and violating my boundaries of you not being a hot piece of rear end. You are creating an abusive gaslighting dynamic that violates my autonomy.
Oh hey! This piece of poo poo wrote an update!
(Update) AITAH for esnting to divorce my wife for getting a reduction?
quote:I want to start off by saying those of you who commented some version of "did you only marry her boobs or her?" Go to hell. Actually, get a course on phonics, then go to hell. If that's all you got from the post then I can only hope you don't have kids to pass your low IQs down to.
I have done some soul searching and have evaluated my true feelings on the matter. After speaking with a few people that I trust and my therapist, I am realizing that my issue wasn't JUST with the reduction. Does it suck? Sure, but I'll live. I sat down with my therapist and understand that I have four main issues with her decision to get the procedure.
My wife allowed outside influences to affect our marriage in an irreversible way.
The constant pushing of my boundaries during sex.
The lack of communication beforehand.
The lack of communication after I rejected her advances.
I gave it a week and have come to the conclusion that I can't let these feelings go. If I can't trust that she won't change her body because a creepy dude gives her a look then how am I supposed to trust her with bigger poo poo like having kids or buying a house? I asked if she felt happier after the procedure, and she said that she doesn't. I asked if she felt like she was stared at less, she said that she feels like she gets the same amount of looks. I asked if she felt like she got her money's worth, I didnt get an answer for that one. So the whole thing has been a failure. In essence, this was a big waste of time, money, effort, and stress. My friend put me in contact with his lawyer so done is done, I suppose. She can keep everything, I just want the cat.
Finally, for those of you that told me to leave her so she can find someone who actually loves her, you got it. I'm done with her.
In case anyone was on his side even the slightest. Don't worry, he's arguing with every commenter as well.
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Apr 15, 2024 19:16
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?
Fuckin gross. Like, sure, it is your own house but you're hosting people. Don't be loving weird. This feels like forcing other people into your fetish.
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Apr 15, 2024 23:18
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I think this is an ESH. I don’t really care myself and think it’s a silly tradition. That being said, this is clearly EXTREMELY important to him. He’s being a big baby about her expressing her doubts about it, but she also agreed to it and probably should just stick with it.
E: actually I thought about it and I’m changing my answer to YTA. She sucked the fun out of this for him after agreeing to something for a long rear end time for no reason.
imho, she's absolutely TA. "I benefitted from our agreement twice since I got free reign to name our daughters. Now I won't let you name our son."
It's not like he's trying to name the kid Anakin Loki Master Chief The Fourth.
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Apr 15, 2024 23:38
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Even if he is, she was ok with Anakin Loki Master Chief The Third
Oh absolutely. I just meant that a "ridiculous" name like naming your child Dovahkiin, is the only possible way I could even begin to slightly think she's not the rear end in a top hat.
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Apr 15, 2024 23:47
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I mean, we don't know that
Please, Mr. Master Chief was my father. I'm simply Anakin Loki Master Chief the Third.
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Apr 15, 2024 23:50
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITAH for wanting to divorce my wife because she got a reduction?
I found a video of OP - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krOqfliRT88
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Apr 16, 2024 01:03
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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why do the people who want to post abuse stories want that? not sarcasm. genuine autism question. is it like "this is a learning experience showing what abuse looks like" or is it fun or what, genuinely
I wonder that too.
I wouldn't say that I'm a thread regular or anything, nor am I in any position to make any thread mandates, so this could be taken as more of a suggestion? I know not every story is going to haha funny, but maybe it would be good for people to preface posts with the tone/subject or some sorta poo poo? IDK if that is asking too much.
I also don't think every post should be a comedy post as that would get tiring too. Some of my favorite things posted in this thread have been about idiotic people that absolutely infuriated me.
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Apr 16, 2024 19:52
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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I’m in highschool and money was stolen from my bank account. I need help NOW
I think about this one every day
Do you think about the update too?
UPDATE I’m in highschool and money was stolen from my bank account. I need help NOW
quote:Thouhgt I should give an update. Thanks everyone for the advice. I still felt like I should try going to the cops, but everytime I wanted to, I kept getting nervous and chickened out. That lasted about a day, then it turns out my dad looked got a call from the bank and he went absolutely apesh*t.
They stopped all the checks and took my checkbook away. I have no idea if they got the money back from my friends, my dad left for work for a week and he’s not talking to me.
I probably won’t see him for a while because I leave for my trip this week and I’ll be gone for a while. I’m only getting $300 for the trip this time instead of $1000, but I guess it makes sense that im punished somehow.
Biggest lesson learned: don’t mess around with a checkbook, or if you need to, make sure to write void on the checks.
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Apr 16, 2024 23:08
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 20, 2024 23:24
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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Trash takes itself out
AITA for choosing a concert over my best friend's wedding?
Tell her you'll try to make her next wedding, OP.
OP posted:Her parents and future husband are disagreeing but also my parents have tried to start arguments with me over my choice OP posted:Her parents and my parents were family friends before we were born. So we were basically raised together and growing up we became close friends. My parents are also offended on my decision because they believe I'm dishonoring them as well for disrespecting their friend's daughter
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Apr 16, 2024 23:49
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Apr 2, 2024 18:09
at the backstory of
