Bubblegum Cop posted:

Bluedeanie posted an entire op in titos voice but I don't remember which one it was

Philip Rivers posted:

A missile that can launch from three different platforms but has advanced stealth coating that sometimes spontaneously combusts and makes it smell like wet farts.

Booblord Zagats posted:

But enough about your posting

Madcosby posted:

wheres that graph thats titled : The Eagles Are Really Good

Febreeze posted:

OSheaman posted:

that's a scatterplot not a graph

Febreeze posted:

MariusLecter posted:

Pee into empty water and gatorade bottles to save the time you would use walking all the way to your bathroom. Remember to keep bottles separate and labeled if possible

Jerry Cotton posted:

"2016"

RyokoTK posted:

But enough about "enough about your posting."

Chomp8645 posted:

The man trying to sneak into our base is an unstoppable mutant or an alien. There is no other explanation. I should be filled with primordial fear from this revelation but I am not.

We've shot him around a hundred times, but he lives. Every time he pops from behind the rock we light him up. He gets hit. I see the blood spatter and hear his grunts. But he spends just long enough to shoot one of us and then drop back down behind this tiny rock that I can scarcely believe covers his body. Then a few moments seconds later he comes up again. This process has repeated no less than ten times, and is still going on. Each time he is hit, and more blood splatters. The concrete behind him is soaked in what must be many gallons of blood. I can only imagine that underneath his camo he has strapped blood packs to his body from head to toe. This is an unbelievable amount of blood. He has taken no fewer than 85 bullet wounds, including several to the head, and he is unarmored. He cannot be human.

Each time he gets one of us. Our demise is certain. It is matter of time, nothing else. No force can stop this immortal being. But like Sisyphus and the rock I will excitedly shout "THERE HE IS" the next time he pops up, and fire my weapon as if it could be capable of damaging this monster. He is the unstoppable force. I will greet death smiling. There are only four of us left now.

Jenna, I love you.

Say Nothing posted:

SLOSifl posted:

Coward.

Goatman Sacks posted:

"The media broke the law by releasing these leaks" said the man patiently waiting for an Australian rapist to air the latest that his Russian handlers dug up from private systems.

Smythe posted:

married yosdad cranking it to pov asmr humiliation femdom in the shitter while wifey watches real housewives

Smythe posted:

yosdad clobbering his balls with a shampoo bottle to ballbusting instruction as bae works on her masters thesis at the kitchen table with a half drank glass of p drat deece vino

Smythe posted:

married yosgoon sitting in the company parking lot choking himself with his seatbelt to financial dominatrix small penis humiliation to "empty out the horn sauce" before going into the office to prevent leering at sasha the cute receptionist and getting a boner at work

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

I think "empty out the horn sauce" might be the worst thing said in this thread.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Brown sugar, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, and molasses? Jesus, how loving sweet is that poo poo?

Pastry of the Year posted:

unlike horn sauce, McJordan BBQ Sauce never goes bad and thus never needs "emptying out"

McGavin posted:

But the expiry date says December 1992?

Ingwit_Agenbite posted:

Galactus was coming and only we stood in his way. But before his arrival, he would send his herald and that's what I now waited for. I scanned the skies and suddenly a glint appeared--there, it was the Silver Hustler, herald of mighty Galactus! Possessed of the Dozens Cosmic, the Silver Hustler parleyed the doom of planets, appearing without warning and slamming deserving suckers across the multiverse. As he approached, the Hustler jumped off and danced alongside his board, hydraulics hissing.

"You like what you see? Das right, I been ghostridin the cosmos since before the Watcher had dick hairs. Taught Johnny Blaze everything he know. Cracka so waxy he dome a yankee candle."

He hovered in front of us, pointing a shining finger at me. "Lookit Mr. Fantastic Cuts here. I didn't know Stretch Armstrong momma get punched in the stomach third trimester. You such a nerdy fool, Peter Parker givin you swirlies between classes and bustin on yo differential equations." I was stunned by the onslaught but the fate of the world was in our hands. "Sue," I called "help shield me from his spectacular insults!"

"Oh so that latina bitch around here too? Shoulda known. Can't see her, but drat can I smell her. Like the central air all bust up in a Red Lobster. Why ain't you used the Ultimate Nullifer on that cootch yet? Betcha didn't know she sleepin round on you too, gettin mustache rides from Tony Stark, comin back from Atlantis tryin ta get the caviar smell off her breath before you notice.* Why you think Franklin Richards get stuffed in another dimension? Whole drat 616 universe afraid of havin ta pay child support."

That was too much for Johnny Storm, the Human Torch. "How about a little fire, Jim Crow?" he quipped. "FLAME ON!"

The Silver Hustler just laughed. "Please, you too easy. All I say is that late at night Isaac Mizrahi lay awake on a pile of dicks wondering why he ain't the biggest flamer in New York no more."

As Johnny fell to the rooftop defeated, the Thing stepped forward. "That's it, ya tin can! It's Clobberin' Time!"

"Nah, sucka, clobberin time when you think nobody home, you lock yoself in the bathroom with a copy of Playboy an a brokeass rock tumbler. Sheeyit, this ain't no battle at all. This four white folk got no business bein in the 21st century sittin round hopin for a retcon send em back to Leave It To Beaver. Maybe y'all hop in the Fantasticar, fly down to Fox Studios, and beg Tobey Maguire to stick he Droopy Dog mug in yo third movie, if ya lucky enough ta get one. Now dig on that. Fantasticar some poo poo, ain't it? Look like Flash Gordon pimp yo ride. Only reason Black Panther keep comin here so's he can try ta steal hubcaps off it, thas how dumb he is. Talk about a disrespectable nigga. I been to Wakanda for his wedding when he marry that oreo from tha X-Men. Only affair I ever been to catered by UNICEF. They backwards there, they backwards. I threw an empty Coke bottle into the reception party, buncha kunta kintes start clickin an whoopin like Popeyes go outta business. Man, y'all borin me. Ima head over to DC, maybe tell Wonder Woman her snatch look like a rabbi cut heself shaving."

He zoomed off and I stumbled over to the portal to the Negative Zone, the only place a busta like me would be save from the likes of the Hustler. But as I pulled the lever, a shadow fell across the city. Galactus had arrived. I steeled myself and raised my eyes. Beneath the foreboding helmet was the face of the Hustler!

"Yo just wanna tell you I can't eat yo planet. Doctor's orders. Says I get hella indigestion on accounta me bein luddy intolerant." I stepped into the portal, hoping that perhaps a better hero, Dr. Strange maybe, could face this monster. The Hustler smiled. "And y'all Baxter Building look like Donald Trump crackhouse. Nuff said."

As my body faded into the swirling depths, all I could muster was a meek "drat" true believers.

*see ish #69--ed.

Pastry of the Year posted:

you do not exemplify living más and are banned from my Space Jam BBQ

Phone posted:

Eric Clapton is the progenitor of dubstep because "Tears in Heaven" is about a sick drop.

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Rush Limbo posted:

Playboy once had an 11 year old as a model.

Pretty hard to sink lower than that.

Hector Beerlioz posted:

I can think of 10 other ways

Guy Mann posted:

I want live action Mulan just to see how they change it to pander to the modern Chinese government and film industry.

Dr. Killjoy posted:

Mulan: ♪Look at me... I will never pass for a perfect bride. Or a perfect daughter. Can it be, I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see, that if I were truly to be myself, I would break my family's heart. Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I've tried. When will my reflection show who I am inside?♪
[Turns to face the camera]
Mulan: The South China Sea belongs to China.

Blue Star posted:

making GBS threads is good, sorry that your wrong, buddy. I poo poo almost constantly, using my own poo poo to smear onto my skin and creating a protective coating to shield myself from the numerous insects and parasites that infest the fetid swamp where i make my home. I rarely interact with civilizations and am only rarely spotted by the occassional camper or hunter. Over the years a sort of folk legend has built up around me, I am known as Shitsquatch by those who claim to have seen me. There are many fake photographs and artwork depicting me, but i can assure you they are all wrong as they always fail to capture my jiggling hairy tits and the fine detail of my flaking brown poo poo-crust that covers me head to toe. My diet ensures that my poo poo is of the proper quality: frogs, fish, snakes, waterbugs, possum, snails, worms, and other such things are what I feed upon, fellow denizens of the swamp that i convert into my own poo poo and apply as a steaming brown lotion. In this way i have become one with the swamp, and am a part of it just as the cypresses and palmettos and all the animals and fungi and plants are a part of it. I am Shitsquatch, protecter of the swamp. In desperate times, I subsist on my own boogers. This can sustain me for a time, but not forever. Unfortunately Man has continuously enroached on my homeland and the swamp is being taken over by Man's machinations. Arrogantly he assumes that he owns the swamp, owns the entire earth, even though you cannot own Nature. But in his foolishness he can still cause much damage, even death. Every year my swamp grows smaller as it is consumed and assimilated by humanity, transformed into suburbs, office buildings, gas stations, fast food restaurants, parking lots, shopping centers, and more. I'm not sure how much longer I can survive in such a rapidly dwindling environment. One day I may have to leave my precious swamp, and then, with my hairy tits quaking with every step, my poo poo-armour flaking and cracking, i will come forward and the world will know the wrath of Shitsquatch, no longer the protector of the swamp, but rather, its Avenger!!!

Super Waffle posted:

spit on my clit posted:

twoday posted:

First we get the hams
Then we get the steam
Then we get the aurora borealis

twoday posted:

I wonder if this is what Alzheimer's feel like, just like an unpredictable remix of everything you've experienced in life, which very few other people truly understand

Morticia makes me hard posted:

Luxury Communism posted:

Did Hugh Hefner go senile and get replaced by a woman CEO? How does this even happen? I am outraged.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Lincoln was murdered by a mentally ill failed actor desperate for attention, and so was his party.

Baloogan posted:

these are the fell days i spoke about


this is when you need to post as hard as you can


i looked out this morning and the sun was gone

Baloogan posted:

these are the days that matter

when the wheat is seperated from the chaff

when the boys are made men and girls are made women


this is when you need to post
as
hard
as
you
loving
can

Baloogan posted:

trump every loving day

and trump every nite


this is when you need to burn twice as bright



for our incandescent pyre

Baloogan posted:

Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to post forever?

For Christ's sake men—come on!

Baloogan posted:

The delusion and illusion have fallen by the side of the highway

revv your fuckin harveys and dust grandma off and stick her skeleton in front of the loving organ and crush up your nephew's adderal and do a loving LINE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g3dEM_zmGM


THESE ARE THE DAYS

THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES

POST LIKE YOU MEAN IT

Baloogan posted:

the perfect storm is RINGING DOWN YOUR DOOR
the tidal wave is loving UP THE SHORE

matthew is loving side news
trump is all there is
burn oh so bright

Baloogan posted:

their evil in the air and their thunder in the sky

Baloogan posted:

grab YOURSLEVES by the pussy and pull yourselves together

TRUMP
this is our last month together

this is when it matters
this is IT
THIS

IS

IT

Baloogan posted:

nutten ever grows in this rotting old hole,
nd everything is stunted and lost

Baloogan posted:

don't let theme get u downv
like the meme says

the trump train don't go tt breaks

them the breaks
you don't stop
dton't stop believing
DONT EVETR STOP BELIEVING
this is when
you need to vbelieve
nothing
loving
matters

set fire to literally everything
set fire to your posts
POST POST POST

Baloogan posted:

we're going down, our submarine is SINKING AND ON FIRE AND the depth in the deep is crushing us
but dont ever stopp
were runing out of oxygen
the last thing ull see is ur heart stilll beating
breakin outta ur body and flyin outta helll

Baloogan posted:

we're all gonna die anyhow!!!! LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL OH LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL