/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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various cheeses: Jan 24, 2013

"Women love to be kissed with poo poo covered lips"
:goonsay:

# ? Nov 26, 2016 11:27

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# ? May 9, 2024 13:48

Pretty good: Apr 16, 2007

various cheeses posted:

"Women love to be kissed with poo poo covered lips"

I walk around with a poo poo encrusted butthole and so do the people I sleep with
:goonsay:

# ? Nov 26, 2016 11:29

various cheeses: Jan 24, 2013

sinking belle posted:

I walk around with a poo poo encrusted butthole and so do the people I sleep with

# ? Nov 26, 2016 12:04

various cheeses: Jan 24, 2013

Excellent user/post combo

# ? Nov 26, 2016 12:05

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

gentle pete posted:

White friend [M20] called me a n*gger?
My "friend" was mad at me for the dumbest reason ever because I wouldn't tel him if I got a bj or not and then mutes me on Xbox live because we're gamers and then continues talk about me. I accidentally crash him in a racing game and then he refers to me as a n*gger which pissed me off.

Some people say I need to get over that but I wasn't even mad at him until he called me that but he claims he isn't racist but says n*gger and sings a Johnny Rebel song. I'm tired of this poo poo honestly. I feel like I have the right to be mad. Yes I am black btw. We're both guys at age 20. Known him for a few years but I'm tired of his poo poo after yesterday.

Tl;Dr: please read above.

Op has a leg to stand on here imo.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 12:22

snoo: Jul 5, 2007

Facebook Aunt posted:

Who enjoys sucking dick? Or eating pussy? No one, that's who. Everybody just does it out of reciprocity.

I enjoy sucking dick

# ? Nov 26, 2016 12:31

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

wash your orifices

# ? Nov 26, 2016 12:41

Diephoon: Aug 24, 2003; LOL; Nap Ghost

remigious posted:

Are there people that genuinely enjoy eating rear end and don't just pretend they do so they can be one of the cool kids? What is enjoyable about it?

Friday night you know I got my reservation down, Guy Fieri with the butt, take me to Flavortown :nws:

# ? Nov 26, 2016 12:54

The Lobotomy Kid: Aug 27, 2011; and act like a nut.

When you think about it, feet are more disgusting than asses.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 13:23

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

The Lobotomy Kid posted:

When you think about it, feet are more disgusting than asses.

Everything is fine if the person has just had a thorough shower

# ? Nov 26, 2016 13:59

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

Gumbel2Gumbel posted:

Everything is fine if the person has just had a thorough shower

I bet you say that about pussy too you philistine.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 14:13

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Syncopated posted:

I bet you say that about pussy too you philistine.

My man, I'm working my way up to Front Butt. You can't just go crazy all at once.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 14:36

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

The Snoo posted:

I enjoy sucking dick

Check your PMs. :wink:

# ? Nov 26, 2016 14:43

Not Evans: Aug 2, 2007; Tobias, have you been flogging Simpsons prop replicas on the internet again?

Antivehicular posted:

I'm still trying to figure out the "hey, now that we've been dating for six months, I'm going to call your twin brother a psychopath and give you an ultimatum to cut him off, and then when you side with your literal twin over me I'm going to claim it was a joke" guy. How do you even conceive of this as a good idea? Is the twin brother actually a psycho, and if so, shouldn't you be glad you're out of this relationship instead of trying to get back into it? I feel like either there are huge chunks missing from that one, or the boyfriend is a goddamn sitcom character.

Always Sunny writers testing Season 12 episode ideas on an unsuspecting public.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 15:22

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

quote:

My 29M parents [50's M/F] keep giving me IOUs as gifts.

I'm going to preface this by saying my parents are terrible at managing their money, and my birthday is about a month after Christmas.
So, this happened 3 times in the span of 2 years. My siblings and I tend to get one big gift, plus some smaller gifts, for Christmas and birthdays. One year, as my big gift, they got me a Groupon for something that, as it turned out, I couldn't use. My mom said she'd return it and get me something else. Never did.
I think it was the same year, my birthday rolled around, and my mom said they were still too tapped out financially from Christmas, but when the next paycheck came, they'd get me something. They never did.
The following year, my bike was having issues, and I asked for my gift to be that they took it to a shop and get it fixed. They said they didn't have enough time to get it done before my birthday, but that they'd do it the next week. 2 months later I reminded them, they said they'd take care of it. 6 months later, I got tired of having a bike I couldn't use, so I finally broke down and bought the stuff to fix it myself. They realized what had happened, apologized profusely, and my stepdad wound up doing the repairs himself.
And it's not just with gifts, there have been a number of their own things that they haven't had the money to take care of, a lot of which affected me as well. I offered to foot the bill a couple times. They usually say they'll pay it, and then don't. One time they actually did 'borrow' some money from me, promising to pay in back in full the following week. I honestly didn't expect to get any of the money back, but they kept changing the repayment conditions, and I wound up getting 1/3 of it back maybe 3 weeks later.
So, this year for Christmas, I actually asked for an IOU, for a plane ticket, but I didn't know where or when yet. At this point, I do have travel plans, but I don't even want to ask them to buy it for me. I wound up moving out about 6 months ago, and a big factor in that was that I was really frustrated by the fact that they kept making promises they couldn't keep, when I could have more easily taken care of it myself. And a part of it is, I know they're in a pretty deep pit financially, and even though they've already said they'd buy me a ticket and I guess worked it into whatever their regular overall financial scheme is, I feel like I'm burdening them by asking. And I also feel like gifts are optional, not obligations, and since I'm almost 30, not getting a birthday gift shouldn't be a huge deal to me. So, aside from just not saying anything and buying my own stuff, any advice on how to handle this better? Going into the future?
EDIT: By the first couple responses, I guess I wasn't clear. My issue isn't that I rely on my parents for gifts. It's that I'm forced to either go without something I want/need, or buy it myself which basically tells them outright that I don't trust them to keep their promises.
tl;dr Parents are consistently too broke/flaky to buy me birthday/Christmas gifts, and I'm tired of asking for them.
EDIT 2: After reading some more responses, I've gotten some better insight into what my issues, and I also see that a lot of people are completely misunderstanding them. So, in an easier to digest form:
I know my parents are under a lot of financial strain, yet they still insist on promising expensive things. Some things I can do without, others I can pay for myself, it's not about the things.
It's not just with gifts, there's a larger pattern. They'll offer to do things for me, then just not do them. There have been multiple occasions where I try to pay bills (mine and theirs), they insist that they'll pay it, then don't.
A lot of people seem to think this is me being a greedy rear end in a top hat, but I'd like to think this isn't the case. I don't hound them for things, it's rare that I even ask twice. I try to pay for things, they don't let me. The money I loaned them, I never actually asked for any of it back. Several years ago I actually did ask them for nothing for Christmas because they had just footed the bill for a stupid mistake I made, they refused. I gave them my car. I found out they'd sold my (much more expensive) high school graduation gift without consulting me, took it as gracefully as I could, and accepted a cheaper replacement which actually didn't cost them anything.
Still, part of me does feel selfish for even letting them buy me things, or being upset when they don't fulfill some promise. Forcing them to face the fact that they don't keep their promises makes me really uncomfortable.
This, honestly, has reinforced a lot of trust issues that permeate other relationships. For instance, if I'm hosting a party, someone says they're going to show up and doesn't, I get really offended by that

Pissy manbaby, can't imagine why nobody showed up at his party.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 16:00

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Everyone so excited to show how desperate they are to feel again, up to sticking their face in someone's loving gritty anus and using the bristles of their tongue to scrub out the corn like a loving cat

# ? Nov 26, 2016 16:02

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

This generation is going to bring heartworm back as a human reservoir disease.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 16:13

Tite Barnacle: Jun 4, 2014; Meowdy Purrdner; Grimey Drawer

Pick posted:

Everyone so excited to show how desperate they are to feel again, up to sticking their face in someone's loving gritty anus and using the bristles of their tongue to scrub out the corn like a loving cat

To be fair, if my rimming experiences even vaguely resembled this I wouldn't be into it either :catdrugs:

# ? Nov 26, 2016 16:43

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

I'm sorry for contributing to analingus chat.

My Mum [47 F] gets access to my bank accounts, no matter what I [24 M] do.

quote:

When I was 16, my mom made me a personal checking and savings account with Bank of America and signed herself up as my legal guardian so that she can keep track of my accounts. I am 24 now, and last year I made another savings account with American Express that is separate from the other two accounts. I have been stealthily trying to transfer my money from the two original accounts into the account she doesn't know about, but she found out about them. She called American Express and they told her that I had $7000 in there. I was upset at the breach of privacy so I made another savings account with Bank of America without her knowledge. I asked the employees to put extra security features on the new account. For example, if I were to call to ask for my account information, I would have to give them a verbal password over the phone. I have also made an IRA with Merrill Lynch (connected with my Bank of America accounts) that my mom doesn't know about. For some reason she has found out I transferred $5500 to another "unknown" account (unknown to her but I know it's my IRA) and she sought to find out more about it. She went to the bank today and found out about my other savings account. I am tired of switching banks; is there anything else I can do to make sure she can't get access to my account information? I have a different mailing address from her so she is not supposed to be getting any documents, but it seems like she is getting this information somehow.

No more posts from op unfortunately.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 16:52

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

My first thought was he's in a small town. They completely disregard privacy laws sometimes if they know you. I could absolutely see my mother being able to call my bank and get any info she wants, same with the doctor. But not the other way around. Not that she'd do that but I can see it happening. I find it mind boggling. For example, if she needed to give me cash, all she does is call the bank and tells them, then I go pick it up. Half the time without ID. Just walk in and say "Hey did mom call yet?" and get handed money.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 17:04

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

What clowns are running these banks? Jesus

# ? Nov 26, 2016 17:09

Raserys: Aug 22, 2011; IT'S YA BOY

gentle pete posted:

My [13M] uncle [17M] has been sending me nasty messages over Facebook. I need to know what to do.

first time user. I am sorry for mistakes I may make. I'm going to copy and paste what he sent me.

Message 1: Listen you stupid runt, I am sick of my parents comparing me to their perfect grandson. gently caress you and your girlfriend. My precious sister bragged to my parents about how you and you're girlfriend follow her house rules. You're never going to get laid.

Message 2: If you don't start getting your dick wet you'll never know what it's like to get laid. My parents are making me follow the same rules you are. No girls allowed in your bedroom, are you loving kidding me? You're going to be hopeless when you move to college Lmao.

Message 3: I'm sick of hearing them talk about you playing football as well. That's not going to get you laid in high school next year fart face LMAO.

Message 4: Don't call me your uncle anymore either. You and my sister truly hosed me. I can't have my girlfriend in my room anymore. I can't play my PS4 in peace because all I hear is "get some exercise and play football like Jordan. How do you even know how to play anyway? You don't have a dad to teach you."

I need to know what to do. He's right I don't have a dad. My mom is 28 and my grandmother looked after me during her college days. I mean mom still looked after me, I lived with her in an apartment. My grandmother just payed for everything. My mom has had plenty of boyfriends 10 in total, she has one now but he does not live with us.

TL;DR: I need to know what to do.

this post was deleted for not including a proper tl;dr summary

# ? Nov 26, 2016 17:17

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

Raserys posted:

this post was deleted for not including a proper tl;dr summary

Now he's going to be hopeless when he goes to college, rip.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 17:37

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

loquacius posted:

I wonder how reliable the part that said the sister wanted to abort the baby anyway was, because that is a key point

I can't possibly know since I'm incapable of getting pregnant as I have a penist but I would imagine miscarriage could be a traumatic experience and feel like you lost your baby even if you wanted an abortion.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 17:52

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I can't possibly know since I'm incapable of getting pregnant as I have a penist but I would imagine miscarriage could be a traumatic experience and feel like you lost your baby even if you wanted an abortion.

The baby isn't lost, dummy, it's dead.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 17:54

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Chichevache posted:

The baby isn't lost, dummy, it's dead.

I was talking about the poor cat, you breeder scum (I wasn't)

Ratjaculation posted:

Epilepsy comes in all different shapes and sizes. My understanding is some people are born with it but anyone can develop epilepsy from anything to a small bump to the head to a heart attack.

My uncle had bad epilepsy. He was talking in class so the teacher grabbed his head and slammed it into the desk. I think he was like ten at the time and it was the 60s. His biological family put him up for adoption because of it.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 18:12

Jenner: Jun 5, 2011; Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.

loquacius posted:

She needs to not only accept the proposal but rub the wedding in the sister's face as much as possible. Make her the maid of honor. Make a toast at a family dinner thanking everyone for welcoming you into the family, especially the sister who you just know will find a good man and settle down one of these days. Make a point of tossing the bouquet right at her and give her an exaggerated thumbs-up.

This is just perfect.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 18:19

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I was talking about the poor cat, you breeder scum (I wasn't)

My uncle had bad epilepsy. He was talking in class so the teacher grabbed his head and slammed it into the desk. I think he was like ten at the time and it was the 60s. His biological family put him up for adoption because of it.

Man, getting face-slammed and disowned by your family is pretty harsh for talking in class. Good thing he was never tardy!

# ? Nov 26, 2016 19:05

Melchiresa: Jun 21, 2006; Nice guy.
Tries hard.
Loves ~~hot dogs~~ The Game.

Poor doggos getting the short end of the stick this Thanksgiving

My[23F] boyfriend [23M] of 3 years stealthily took my 11 year old dog to a vet 80km away to be put to sleep. It was only luck I found out and got him back. bf doesn't know I have my dog back but he comes back tomorrow night.

quote:

My BF (Jay) left for a trip up the coast to help family on Friday morning. While I was at work Friday I got a phone call from one of my ex flatmates, Bob, who I lived with at uni. He thought he had my dog with him, and phoned me because someone had dropped him off to the vet surgery he worked at to be put to sleep.
Bob sent me pics and it was my Sticksy. I'd recognise him anywhere, I grew up with him and he was so close to me when I left home to study there were no questions about it, Sticksy stayed with me.
Bob kept Sticksy with him and I drove to pick him up as soon as I was out of work. Bob also showed me a phone recording he took of the vet's security camera screen, and there's no doubt in the world it's Jay dropping him off. He's even wearing the same clothes he left in this morning before I went to work.
Jay has texted me a few times today and I don't know why but I'm not confronting him about this. I'm actually scared I will utterly lose it at him. I'm running everything through my head on why he'd do this. We talked sometimes about moving north to be near his family, or overseas within a few years. I can't believe I'm trying to find reasons for him to do what he did or reasons for me to not rip him a new one and dump everything he owns out on the front lawn and set fire to it tonight. I'm half numb and half stunned beyond rational thought. Why can't I get functionally angry here?
He texted me this morning like he normally does when he's away. I replied like normal though we're not big text talkers anyway. He asked me a couple of times if I was OK. Everything in the texts I'm trying to read into what the hell he thinks he's hiding.
tl;dr: BF dropped my loved dog off to a vet to be put down without telling me. I am utterly infuriated to the point I'm frozen and thinking in circles. What the hell do I do? Can I call the police? Was that illegal? I don't ever want to see him again. I have no family here. I don't know which way to even begin to turn. BF doesn't arrive back until about 7 tomorrow night

On the bright side, OP has already decided to break up with the bf :unsmith:

# ? Nov 26, 2016 20:41

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

Remember the dude earlier in the thread, maybe way earlier, who dated a girl who had the dog in the bedroom during sex, and the dog licked him on the butt? This is that couple.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 20:46

Carrion Luggage: Nov 24, 2006

if you spend all day making cookies for one person then you are bad at making cookies

# ? Nov 26, 2016 21:33

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

Melchiresa posted:

Poor doggos getting the short end of the stick this Thanksgiving

My[23F] boyfriend [23M] of 3 years stealthily took my 11 year old dog to a vet 80km away to be put to sleep. It was only luck I found out and got him back. bf doesn't know I have my dog back but he comes back tomorrow night.

On the bright side, OP has already decided to break up with the bf

Hey this is kind of like that animated movie about Rodney Dangerfield as a dog. Rover Dangerfield.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 21:38

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Syncopated posted:

Remember the dude earlier in the thread, maybe way earlier, who dated a girl who had the dog in the bedroom during sex, and the dog licked him on the butt? This is that couple.

I wish, that would change this story from fairly disturbing to a pretty good arc on Curb.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 21:50

Gumbel2Gumbel: Apr 28, 2010

Captain Hygiene posted:

I wish, that would change this story from fairly disturbing to a pretty good arc on Curb.

Dog gay, so what

# ? Nov 26, 2016 21:51

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Captain Hygiene posted:

I wish, that would change this story from fairly disturbing to a pretty good arc on Curb.

She's just leaving out the dog's severe disabilities and everyday of his life being pure suffering. But he's so important to me! He is the family dog and has been there while I studied!

I don't see why else you'd drop your girlfriend's dog off to be put down without her knowing and expect things to turn out okay. Maybe he plans on lying and saying he doesn't know where the dog went? That'd be kinda messed up I guess.

Khorne fucked around with this message at 22:00 on Nov 26, 2016

# ? Nov 26, 2016 21:57

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

What if the dog has all kinds of health and/or behavioral problems that OP isn't mentioning and the BF was doing the right thing at the behest of his GF's family?

Some people just can't let go man. It's a dog. Dogs are cool, I like my dog. Not going to give my dog dogchemo for dogcancer though.

Sure, I guess he could have just picked up his SO's pet and taken it to Dogschwitz for funzies, but you'd think he'd just kill it himself if he was going to do that.

E;FB

# ? Nov 26, 2016 22:00

54 40 or fuck: Jan 4, 2012; No Yanda's allowed

My old family dog was 14, he would have seizures that lasted hours and could barely walk because his hips were so bad. My mom acted like I was a total monster when I said it would be more humane for him to put him to sleep, she was trying everything to help him feel better.

Poor guy had a seizure that lasted like six hours and that's when she finally admitted it was time.

But maybe the boyfriend just didn't like the dog and wanted to put it down and say it died on its own? But then it's more confusing, if it lived at home, were the parents in on it?

# ? Nov 26, 2016 22:12

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

Maybe it was a prank.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 22:14

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

Subjunctive posted:

Maybe it was a prank.

*knocks over jar full of old dogs on u*

# ? Nov 26, 2016 22:18

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# ? May 9, 2024 13:48

Clitch: Feb 26, 2002; I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus

We have a senile, diabetic, half-blind, 16 year old cat who pisses and shits wherever he pleases, and as much as that little flea bag needs to die, I'm not stupid enough to put him down behind my wife's back.

# ? Nov 26, 2016 22:29

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