PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Agent (7)47

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Pope Hilarius II: Nov 10, 2008

Phy posted:

Right? Like, I'm not probably gonna pick up the new ff7 but I really want to play Ludicrously French FF7

The rest of the party all fleeing Les Chien-ras in a Citroën Deux-chevaux, while Claude madly pedals a bicycle with baguettes in the handlebar basket

The airship is just a big fuckin Montgolfier balloon

That would be excellent.

Also, if you'd like some French placenames for the cities:

Mi-jardin
Calme
C�te du Soleil
Corelle-Nord
Gonguaga (Province Afrique de l'Ouest)
Chatte Cosmeau
Ville-Fus�e
Ouata� (Province Afrique de l'Est)
Osville
Ville d'Ancien R�gime
Auberge Gla�on
Mid�le
Soucoupe d'Or

Unchanged:
Fort Condor
Junon

Also some suggestions for villains' names:

P�tain (Heidegger)
La Vie en Rouge (Scarlett)
D�pardieu (Palmer)
Pr�sident Etalors (President Shinra)
Mr Oizo (Professor Hojo)
Hausmann (Reeve)
Gen�ve (Jenova)

Fleta Macgurn, I think your French friend may enjoy these :greencube:

# ? Apr 16, 2020 23:34

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# ? May 15, 2024 15:47

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Le pickpocket but the protagonist goes to the chocobo races.

Ladri di chocobo

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:10

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

call center manager posted:

Pétain (Heidegger)
La Vie en Rouge (Scarlett)
Dépardieu (Palmer)
Président Etalors (President Shinra)
Mr Oizo (Professor Hojo)
Hausmann (Reeve)
Genève (Jenova)

:putain:

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:11

The Maestro: Feb 21, 2006

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I dunno what you want. Never said I was fluent in French. Ad hominem insults suck, I think people should try not to be fucks to each other without reason. I'm okay being an iconoclast, though! Anyone got a funny quote to share?

Real ballsy to contribute to a derail, get made fun of for it, then request other people pick up the thread again, and then continue on with the derail two posts later.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:29

Ornamental Dingbat: Feb 26, 2007

Something is happening in the GBS covid thread:

Obeah posted:

Welp, my fellow gooners, it's finally happened. My goddamn mother's communal house is apparently under some level of pandemic-time scrutiny (though the specific nature of that scrutiny she herself does not seem to know), and as a result, the elders there have been divvying up the kids to send to houses outside of their property. I guess in case there's a CPS issue or something?

So now, mid-apocalypse, I have been saddled with a dumb ten year old with filthy hands and no common sense and apparently no family within the state that isn't currently living at the communal facilities. His first day here he was touching goddamn everything, so I've sat aside four pairs of nitrile gloves for him to use that we rotate day to day. He takes off the old ones when he wakes, we put them into their respective drawer, and we check off and move to the next day's.

https://i.imgur.com/W74CMw9.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/NWv6Kbq.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/3RoaWNp.jpg

Because those religious fanatic nutsos like to keep kids in the dark, I had to explain to him that likely every adult he knows will be dying within the next 2-3 years (whether of the virus itself, starvation, or the impending revolutions and riots), but that we could at least extend every meaningful person's respective lifespans a little bit by following basic loving common sense procedures.

And he's been good at that for the most part, admittedly. He cried a lot the first few days or so, but he seems pretty content to just lay around within the guest room now. He does keep asking about masks. We have two n90 masks that my cousin and I use about the house through most of the day (typical boomer uncle refuses to wear one except for when we send him out for groceries), and a loving gigantic stockpile of them we bought in February. Our mid-day rotationals have been hung up and had a warning sign placed above them so his grubby little mitts know to lay off.

https://i.imgur.com/2omXfIN.jpg

I still hate having a potential contagion in the house, but mom's gonna be cutting a check at the end of the month for us so it's whatever. Uncle has some recurrent cardiac issues, and I love him to pieces, but if he croaks, I'll finally be getting the bedroom with the en suite bathroom, limiting my chances of getting infected or, conversely, infecting the others.

I will say that reading this thread has at least made me happy to know I'm in good company. Stay safe, goons!

Obeah posted:

It's basically how it reads: a commune/farmer's market my mother lives at. They explore a specific branch of paganism that most mainstream religions shy away from. This kid would be waking up at the crack of dawn and helping tend to crops if there weren't a plague on, so I'm sure he's seeing this as quite the vacation.

Obeah posted:

The kid's not going to be going out or anything, and we're all (excepting my Uncle currently) wearing them. I'm not even sure if these are made for a kid's head, though I'll admit, I could research that better. Even if they were, he's not trained and I doubt he'd use it properly, so it really wouldn't do much good. We worry about burdening ourselves with wearing these all day to keep him safe.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:45

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Someone needs to call Child Services.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:49

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

What the gently caress, the goon posting that needs to educate themselves a little. Nitrile gloves?? What good is that supposed to do? What�s wrong with touching things inside the house? Why would you traumatize some poor kid by telling them your Mad Max fanfic after they�ve just been ripped from their home? This is horrifying

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:52

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

It's the sock monkey guy, it's a weird funny posts account

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:52

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Obeah posted:

When I was working as a graphic designer for PAWS Inc. (SE Asian Market) in Muncie, Indiana, I got stuck in what I can only describe as a triplex apartment between a group of BSU students and an elderly, mentally handicapped man who would tell us all about how he was the last person in his assistance program to still have a helper monkey. Apparently they've mostly been phased out or something?

Anyway, the kids who lived next to me in the triplex were obsessed with seeing this grandfathered capuchin and seemed to be split 50-50 on believing it even existed. I'd been there six months, the students almost a year, and none of us had seen or heard this thing in person. Kenneth - the old man - would stand on his end of the house and "water the grass", which really just amounted to chain smoking and hosing his corner of the lawn down. Anytime any of us went outside while he was doing this, he'd yell conversation to us. "Esquire (the monkey) turned off the TV during Final Jeopardy last night. I got so mad..." and "I caught Esquire eating out of the trash again. Such a pain in my rear end." It was nonstop during the summer months.

So at the end of August, I was helping Kenneth with some legitimate yard work. He asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner, and even though Esquire did not come up in the invitation at all, he was my first thought. A chance to confirm this creature's existence. I jumped at the opportunity.

So that night, I have the worst meal of my life. Reheated spaghetti eaten out of Tupperware. No conversation. Just the sounds of us eating. Feeling weirdly nauseous and wanting to go home, I asked Kenneth where Esquire was.

"In my bedroom. He was acting up earlier. and I didn't want him bothering you during supper."

I should have accepted this, but I pressed on, saying I was full and just wanted to meet him before going home. At this point, Kenneth stood up, walked to his bedroom, slammed the door shut, and was in there for maybe five minutes or so. I was about to leave when he came out.

"He's about to bedtime out, but you can see him before you leave."

Here's my memory of that encounter, as filtered through my PTSD (semi-serious here - I could get diagnosed for sure):

Sock monkey sitting in a wicker chair next to a bed. Withered Cracker Barrel price tag still hanging off. White areas of the monkey stained with nicotine. A hole cut in between the legs. Kenneth behind me. The sinking feeling as I realize his hard cock (still in pants, though) is pressed against my back. I forget the exact words, but he did ask me to touch Esquire, so I half heartedly petted it and he slapped the back of my head. Whispered to me "F-fingerblast this little turd." That part I remember perfectly. And I did.

I won't dwell on the rest of the encounter. Suffice to say that it was a bad night for me, and finishing out that lease was hell. I don't regret anything but accepting the dinner invitation. Had I not become finger intimate with Esquire, he very well could have stabbed me. He'd been collecting knives since Vietnam. I noticed several pocket knives on a drawer in the bedroom alone. This was a scary dude, and it's hard to blame myself for it. But anyway, I ended up getting let go from my dream job right before the end of the lease, so obviously I didn't stick around for long.

All of this is just a roundabout way of saying that you should really, really be careful around this neighbor of yours. What seems and reads as funny on SA or to your friends can be a life threatening, terrifying experience irl.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:53

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

dialhforhero posted:

The worst gender reveal was in Dallas on November 22nd, 1963.

Pink mist was revealed.

But at great cost.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 00:56

Ornamental Dingbat: Feb 26, 2007

Pick posted:

It's the sock monkey guy, it's a weird funny posts account

You know, it's actually kind of refreshing to see a legit SA gimmick account in TYOOL 2020.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:22

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

I completely and utterly loving love gimmick accounts

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:46

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

We must punish that poster for the unbelievably outrageous things they've done to the imaginary child.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 01:50

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Ya got me, I am definitely triggered by depictions of child suffering

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:29

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

You're the one who posted the ~totally real~ story of a mom with dementia eating her sons body or whatever

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:35

freeedr: Feb 21, 2005

Pick posted:

You're the one who posted the ~totally real~ story of a mom with dementia eating her sons body or whatever

Ha, oh yeah

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:43

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Hell Yeah posted:

a burger king napkin with poop on it but not enough poop so the napkin becomes so heavy it can't blow around in the wind.

Hell Yeah posted:

it has to drift on the wind spreading poop wherever it goes

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:46

elise the great: May 1, 2012; You do not have to be good. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Lol if THATS the thing you remember about me

# ? Apr 17, 2020 03:50

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

elise the great posted:

Lol if THATS the thing you remember about me

That's what I remember about you.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:25

Blue Footed Booby: Oct 4, 2006; got those happy feet

Chichevache posted:

That's what I remember about you.

I just remember elf schlong.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:27

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

Blue Footed Booby posted:

I just remember elf schlong.

didn't she used to be an admin?

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:33

funmanguy: Apr 20, 2006; What time is it?

I remember the self canabalistic placenta dinner

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:33

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

funmanguy posted:

I remember the self canabalistic placenta dinner

Now I too remember that.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:45

Blue Footed Booby: Oct 4, 2006; got those happy feet

Point being that Elise is on fact great.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 04:57

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Given the choice between Pick and Elise I will choose Elise every time.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 05:09

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Take it easy, people.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 05:10

Baron von Eevl: Jan 24, 2005; WHITE NOISE
GENERATOR
🔊😴

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Given the choice between Pick and Elise I will choose Elise every time.

Pastry of the Year posted:

Take it easy, people.

I know you meant this as "let's not turn this into a slapfight derail" but it reads more like "let's not say things we can't take back."

# ? Apr 17, 2020 05:28

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

I ain't takin' back poo poo :colbert:

I'd rather read detailed stories of medical misadventures than the whining about how people with depression should just get over themselves and the insisting that physically abusing your SO is in fact a valid way of showing your ~*passion*~ for them.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 05:35

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Malachite_Dragon posted:

I ain't takin' back poo poo I'd rather read detailed stories of medical misadventures than the whining about how people with depression should just get over themselves and the insisting that physically abusing your SO is in fact a valid way of showing your ~*passion*~ for them.

I know you can't hear, can you read? My content aside, you do know that pastry is the mod of this forum right

# ? Apr 17, 2020 05:38

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Pick posted:

I know you can't hear, can you read?

This was an incredibly cruel burn and the only reasons you're not getting zapped for it are

(1) it was in response to a poster who was also going deep on their knowledge of you

(2) it was in response to my asking the thread to end a bad and hateful derail

(3) we're done; Elise is a fantastic poster; that's not even open for debate

# ? Apr 17, 2020 05:49

Son of Thunderbeast: Sep 21, 2002

Whybird posted:

quote:

Dagwood foreverially roastmeatized. Roast turkey is eating Dagwood's right arm and roast beef is eating Dagwood's left arm. Dagwood's hands are already swallowed by greasy roast meat and he cannot escape. Dagwood's hands feel so good inside the roast meat which is warm and soft on his hands. Roast pulled pork is jealous and wants to join but there are no hands to eat. Dagwood cannot resist the temptation of being swallowed alive by giant roast meat.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 06:19

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Pick posted:

I know you can't hear, can you read?

What the gently caress is wrong with you?

# ? Apr 17, 2020 06:22

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

What the gently caress is wrong with you?

I get it but we're done with this. Back to funny quotes, please.

# ? Apr 17, 2020 06:25

Happy Thread: Jul 10, 2005; by Fluffdaddy; Plaster Town Cop

Pastry of the Year posted:

This was an incredibly cruel burn and the only reasons you're not getting zapped for it are

(1) it was in response to a poster who was also going deep on their knowledge of you

(2) it was in response to my asking the thread to end a bad and hateful derail

(3) we're done; Elise is a fantastic poster; that's not even open for debate

Oh so that's the only reason Pick never can be punished anywhere, got it

# ? Apr 17, 2020 06:27

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Pastry of the Year posted:

I get it but we're done with this. Back to funny quotes, please.

Sorry, didn't see your reply.

As recompense:

OMFG PTSD LOL PBUH posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.