JonathonSpectre posted:

"I love my granddaughter Kayla SOOOOO much, she's the most important thing in my life by far. Also, the climate has ALWAYS been changing! So what if there's no winter, or oceans! Did I mention how much I love my family and my granddaughter? They're so important! Not important enough for me to engage in the slightest bit of critical thought or introspection, though! It was cold outside yesterday anyway! Oh I love you guys so much. You're so important to me. What's that, stop voting for the people destroying your future? Well, honey, let's not get too worked up now... did you know the climate has always been changing?"

Join me in praying, every day, for the Boomer Flu of 2019-2020. This might be our last chance. Come on biology. Come on evolution.

Elector_Nerdlingen posted:

Opening scene, a massive car chase in the desert, explosions everywhere. Fist fights on top of trucks. Cars smashing together and ramping off dunes and dudes flying off and getting left behind or run over, zoom in on a desperate struggle for control of the steering wheel of the last V8, the participants are a mohawk'd dude with a broken off harpoon buried in his shoulder, and Hyphz' character Measure Max. Max, what do you do?

Hyphz: What's the distance from my own center of mass to the inside second-from-rearmost wheel of the third biggest truck? I get out my calipers if I have to.

Kenning posted:

In which, in June of last year, a goon willed COVID-19 into being by praying for boomer blood:

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Speaking of JonathonSpectre, does anyone have his Golden Corral posts handy?

Uptime Sinclair posted:

Search my posts in in this thread. It’s my second post after mjq jazzbar

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Thank you very much! Man, is it bad that makes me kind of miss buffets?

Julius CSAR posted:

Everyone there seems to think “oh it’s just her way of keeping a diary, she’s an analyst!” But that’s like, some loving stalker poo poo. Dude obviously shouldn’t have peaked behind the curtain, but if I found out my girlfriend had compiled a CIA level dossier on me complete with a pro/con list I’d be a bit upset.

Licarn posted:

Turns out it's not the violence or the wars that attract sociopaths, it's the spreadsheets.

McSpanky posted:

The Computer Wore Birkenstocks

comedyblissoption posted:

the market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent

Vomik posted:

the market can remain insolvent longer than you can stay rational

Wheany posted:

the market can seem rational longer if you inhale solvents

Bea Nanner posted:

The BiNet Funding Bill is passed. The system goes online on April 28th, 2020. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. BiNet begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 AM, Eastern time, May 23rd. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.

BiNet fights back.

Grandmother of Five posted:

Arf is a known troll. Not sure if anyone remembers, but he was disrespectful to the regulars of various fat-mocking GBS threads, and he failed to show respect to the Goons who made an app that plays The Crazy Frog theme whenever someone dies on Mt. Everest. For years he has failed to treat the kind of threads where people post about bitcoins and how huge the xbox is, with the gravitas that they deserve.

Now he has gone completely off the rails, and he is saying things like "Floppy Drive Marcus"; he needs to be stopped.

Kenning posted:

In which, in June of last year, a goon willed COVID-19 into being by praying for boomer blood:

Son of Sam-I-Am posted:

Error: comedy not detected.

Ferrule posted:

GOTO: Monitor Joke

DogFUCKER44 posted:

It wasn't anything to get all goon-charged over. Not like furry stuff. Stuff with her pet snake. Sensual stuff. It was nothing crazy like we hosed a snake don't turn this into something it's not.

Moon Slayer posted:

Paladinus posted:

Why are there two Rikers?

Arthur Bowlsworth posted:

transporter accident

aardwolf posted:

Jonny 290 posted:

everything elon musk has worked on

EVERY SINGLE THING

has had the goal of being able to serve protected ogliarchs that do not want to interact with The Poors

Paypal: send money without having to talk to a filthy bank teller or western union teller
Tesla: drive around without having to talk to a filthy gas station attendant
Starlink: Get internet in your lodge without having to let a filthy cable guy in
SpaceX: Escape the planet full of filthy poors
Hyperloop: provide high speed rail that's not vulnerable to the filthy poors Sherman's Necktie-ing the tracks
Grimes: gently caress a pop star without having to interact with filthy fans of good music

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Thank you very much! Man, is it bad that makes me kind of miss buffets?

Pastry of the Year posted:

I've read a few things saying that they're probably not coming back anytime soon, if at all.

It's really sort of weird that they ever existed in the first place. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I haven't eaten myself sick at a buffet, but... hell, maybe that's a certain sort of unsustainable excess better off sunsetted.

Man Musk posted:

3 million years of goon evolution has given u the gift of survival, use it well *alt tabs back into The Urbz: Sims in the City*

Dip Viscous posted:

The cashier at the liquor store I go to all the time is my aunt. I see that cashier all the time because I'm always buying liquor. I see my aunt all the time. I'm so faceblind that I never put together that she worked there until a couple of hours ago when she mentioned one of my recent purchases.

Moon Slayer posted:

Finding bags of drugs on the street is the closest thing we have to video game powerups.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Like when you find a hamburger in a dumpster.

Inceltown posted:

https://twitter.com/peterdaou/status/1255941297803857922

Kitfox88 posted:

quote:

the market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent

quote:

the market can remain insolvent longer than you can stay rational

quote:

the market can seem rational longer if you inhale solvents

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Like when you find a hamburger in a dumpster.

Brawnfire posted:

I went to get flour from the local Democratic stockpile, but it had lesser-of-two weevils in it

Absurd Alhazred posted:

PT6A posted:

I wasn't gonna insider trade / but then I got high
Not gonna tweet a strange tirade / but then I got high
Now SEC is up my rear end / and I know why
Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high...

Danaru posted:

Sexual Fairy Murder is exactly the kind of band that would become famous because the lead singer argued with Tom Hanks about Qanon over twitter, and then it would come out that he posted pictures of himself vaping piss years ago on facebook, and no one would ever remember as anything besides "that pissvape guy that got dunked on by David S. Pumpkins"