flavor.flv posted:

We have opossums in the area and one night I opened the back door and smacked one right in the face. It didn't hiss, it didn't play dead, it just shook it off and walked away. It didn't even run. I felt lowkey insulted by that

SyNack Sassimov posted:

goon can't find the platypusary, news at 11

External Organs posted:

George: I jumped into a hole in my front yard and emerged 5 minutes later, like a newborn baby, from another hole right next to Yankee stadium. Right next to Steinbrenner's parking spot!
Jerry: It's unbelievable!
George: Death to Israel, Jerry! Death to America! I'm a Hamas man now!

External Organs posted:

George: I jumped into a hole in my front yard and emerged 5 minutes later, like a newborn baby, from another hole right next to Yankee stadium. Right next to Steinbrenner's parking spot!
Jerry: It's unbelievable!
George: Death to Israel, Jerry! Death to America! I'm a Hamas man now!

External Organs posted:

George: I jumped into a hole in my front yard and emerged 5 minutes later, like a newborn baby, from another hole right next to Yankee stadium. Right next to Steinbrenner's parking spot!
Jerry: It's unbelievable!
George: Death to Israel, Jerry! Death to America! I'm a Hamas man now!

Mauser posted:

https://i.imgur.com/t1kVPxQ.mp4

Nobody Interesting posted:

StrixNebulosa posted:

Stalked by the Kraken by Lillian Lark is FREE! This is book one in the Monstrous Matches series, and we’ve featured other books in this series before. This one features a matchmaking witch, a kraken, and a no-strings attached relationship.

A matchmaking witch, an ancient sea creature, and the sex contract they make.
Welcome to the Love Bathhouse where desire and acceptance are in the water.

The Witch
Celibacy is a bad look for a matchmaker.

Especially a matchmaker who works at the kind of paranormal bathhouse that would have grandmothers clutching their pearls.
A worse look is a matchmaker experiencing a crisis of confidence.
I am that matchmaker.

We need raw magic, desperately.

And now a mysterious man walks into my office, offering me the exact solution I need.
The problem is that he wants to be matched… with me.
Matching doesn’t work for me; I found that out the hard way.

The Kraken
I saw her and the creature inside me wanted.

She doesn’t want a relationship. She says that the most we can have are the three nights she promised me, but the dark part of myself isn’t going to let the woman who snared its attention go.

I found her. I hunted her. She’s mine.

**Stalked by the Kraken is a monster romance that features tentacles. This book is a standalone and takes place in the same world as, and prior to the events of, Three of Hearts with some character crossover.

Content Warning: Book includes breeding behavior and mentions infertility

darkwasthenight posted:

A different mod, please!

Karate Bastard posted:

Was just about to post

Susan Calvin posted:

So back in November 2008, there was the greatest thread. Rap Battle Time...Historical Figures Edition!

I want to challenge you all to bring back the funny. FICTIONAL STYLE!

And because it's not an OP without an example, I bring you MC Jimmy Kirk!



HEY
Listen up, all your riders of Space and Time
Jimmy K. is back and he bringing the rhyme.
I got my boy Bones (yo), and this pointy-eared gently caress (what?)
And you better believe our rhymes don't suck.

That fucker over there, from the Eugenics war
Rolling through space like he don't know the score
Sorry bout your wife, you stringy haired freak
But stop your crying, that poo poo is weak.

This is Ceti Alpha Four? Well, gently caress, my bad
I'm just glad those slugs ain't in my pad.
But get your fingers outta Chekov's brain
Causing my Russian innumerable pain

Oh, you wanna play? Okay, bring it on.
This is my wrath. You? You're just KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.
Gonna visit my son on the Genesis Project
And by the time we leave, your poo poo'll be real wrecked.

You wanna tell me that you made me hurt?
That pain ain't so bad, just put on a shirt.
And sit over here and listen real hard
I'm a better captain than Jean-Luc Picard.

This CAPTAIN Jimmy Kirk, keeping it real
Using my lasers to make your rear end kneel
The needs of the many and the needs of the few
Oh, poor Spock, we gotta say "Thank you."

And we're sending you off, to rest so soft
To a brand new planet where the breezes waft
All the souls I ever met in my time,
Yours was the most human, friend of mine.

And Bones has your katra, so it's all good
We'll come and find you, that's understood.
So don't you Trekkies and Trekkers fret
Search For Spock is coming up next!

HORNEY VAPE BRO posted:

"This thread sucks"
-MC Spock

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

thiscommercialsucks posted:

yo yo my name is fakepostin' and im here to say
im fat and stupid and the internet's gay
i may be thin one of these days
but right now
im not

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Jezza of OZPOS posted:

im playing horizon zero dawn and its a pretty good take on an ubisoft game with a bit of gameplay clutter but the egregious thing that bums me out about it is how much it feels like you should be able to climb on anything and you cant. i can kind of see how botw stole its thunder despite being very different games. did they ever improve on that with the sequel or nah?

Oxxidation posted:

they made it worse. turns out "you can climb anything you want" doesn't work so well in that engine

Jezza of OZPOS posted:

disappointing but im liking the story and characters enough to still check it out at some point maybe

oldpainless posted:

It’s still a really good game and worth your time. Not my time because mine is cataclysmically valuable but certainly worth your much less valuable time. I can only play the very best games because of the time thing.


In the Switch port of 2017s Japanese visual novel “which wife do I choose” Korakino’s blond hair changes from a dirty blond to a sandy blond and there’s no option for me to comment upon it. Inexcusable.

FAUXTON posted:

Carthag Tuek posted:

notagoon posted:

Doing this in Coupons because it really is my favorite forum. The Free Magazine Subscription thread? Awesome. A big "Thank you " to everyone involved with that. Hopefully soon I'll have some freakin' money to spend on the great deals posted here; I desperately need some shoes and a kewl bag, and another hard drive wouldn't be bad either. So yeah, there's a reason this is the only gray forum I like; that reason is each and every one of you. Keep posting amazing stuff y'all!

-Ken

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Taeke posted:

The real assholes are mosquitoes and flies.

Outrail posted:

They suck but half the world's terrestrial ecosystems would probably collapse if it weren't for mosquitoes.

Paladinus posted:

We could replace them with bees.

Nuns with Guns posted:

Laughing now because the latest news post says there's going to be 4 starting vampire clans, a 5th added as DLC later, and a 6th as "unique standalone DLC." Also the conceit is you're an elder vampire who got depowered, and you have a thinblood modern vampire guy in your brain to commentate on poo poo Johnny Silverhand-style.

Nobody is going to be happy with this.

Oxxidation posted:

i think a lot about how depressing it must be to work for years on something you know is going to be a complete turkey

The Wicked ZOGA posted:

Try asking your parents

Paladinus posted:

We could replace them with bees.

Outrail posted:

Needs to be something that can transfer down the food chain. Blood is the easiest way unfortunately.

Unless we train herbivores to drink apex predator's blood directly.

Captain Invictus posted:

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Destruct the one blood-sucking mosquito species. The others can stay.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Destruct the one blood-sucking mosquito species. The others can stay.

Facebook Aunt posted:

Those are the guys that spread malaria, right? gently caress those guys.

Platystemon posted:

There are over a hundred species of mosquito that can spread malaria, and thousands more that are vectors of other serious diseases.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Sounds like they'll just all have to go, then. My hands are tied, nothing I can do

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

what now, mosquito defenders

Elissimpark posted:

Hello sir I -
*briefcase full of parasitoid wasps falls open*

SHISHKABOB posted:

"Turning back, when they reached the bottom of the green hollow, they saw Goldberry, now small and slender like a sunlit flower against the sky: she was standing still watching them, and her hands were stretched out towards them. As they looked she gave a clear call, and lifting up her hand she turned and vanished behind the hill."

I'm always troubled by these bits for silly reasons because I'm like "what did she call???"

"Have a good trip!"

Or maybe she just yelled an inarticulate syllable, like "AAAHHHHHH" but in a Goldberry way.

webmeister posted:

She’s standing on the top of a hill, so “gave a clear call” obviously means she had excellent phone reception

Tree Bucket posted:

No, that's her sister, Blackberry

The Saddest Rhino posted:

There was a story, I can't remember who wrote it, where they were trying to convict a guy by doing a blood test but he protested on religious grounds and it looked like he was going to get away with it. But the detective was friends with a biologist doing research on mosquitoes and managed to convinced his friend to loan him thousands of mosquitoes. He then found the air duct the cell where the guy was holed up and released the mosquitoes there overnight and collected them later. His friend collected enough to build a sample to ascertain the guy's dna to get him convicted. Like obviously it's fictional but lol at sleeping in a closed cell with thousands of bugs sucking your blood and flying into your ears.

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Typically how they get DNA from people who don't want to cough up a sample is offer them, like, coffee or a can of coke, and retrieve the cup/can/whatever from the trash. Killers have been convicted because they couldn't shake the habit of tossing cigarette butts wherever. Literally undone by habitual littering.

Elissimpark posted:

Hello sir I -
*briefcase full of parasitoid wasps falls open*

FreudianSlippers posted:

Lifehack:

Randomly pick up cigarette butts from the street and keep them in a Ziploc bag. Drop a few at the scene of your many crimes to force the authorities to waste time analysing unrelated DNA.

3D Megadoodoo posted:

"that butt-collector !"