When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

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Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Does Stan Collymore's dogging belong in this thread?

# ¿ Sep 29, 2011 00:56

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 04:35

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Shrapnac posted:

You make �40k a week(or thereabouts), hire someone to drive you around you twat.

He left his chauffeur in Spain.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2012 17:31

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Soup and a Sandwich posted:

didn't pulis get off on a speeding charge by claiming that by being found guilty stoke would implode and be relegated?

He said he shouldn't be banned from driving because potential leaks would damage Stoke City and, consequently, harm any businesses dependent on Stoke's welfare.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2012 18:27

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

http://www.birminghammail.net/news/.../#ixzz1tqLqfvu7

quote:

THREE Aston Villa stars were involved in a 2.45am Birmingham nightclub brawl just days before the club�s biggest game of the season.

Chris Herd, James Collins and Fabian Delph were threatened with the police when trouble flared outside Broad Street�s Gatecrasher venue early on Tuesday.

All three have apologised to the fans for their behaviour and the club have fined them with the proceeds going to charity.

Exclusive video footage of the bust-up, given to the Birmingham Mail, shows Herd � his shirt open down to his chest to reveal a distinctive tattoo near his neck � kicking the club�s glass doors in a confrontation with staff. He is joined by Collins and Delph in the expletive-laden melee.

And a fourth unidentified man, dressed in a smart suit and tie, restrains the three footballers towards the end of the 52-second clip, which ends with the stars walking off into the night.

The trouble flared only hours after Villa�s player of the year awards, held at Villa Park�s Holte Suite on Monday.

None of the players at the awards bash were believed to have been drinking alcohol during the ceremony.

An Aston Villa statement said: "The Club dealt with this matter internally on Tuesday and the players in question have been disciplined, with the fines being split between two charities the club are promoting at the game against Spurs on Sunday - Cure Leukaemia and Anthony Nolan.

"Our players attended the club�s end-of-season dinner on Monday night and training on Tuesday was limited to players who did not start in Saturday�s Premier League game against West Bromwich Albion and those not carrying injuries.

"As a club, players, management and fans are completely focused on Sunday�s game against Spurs at Villa Park."

Yikes.

# ¿ May 4, 2012 20:33

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/live...00252-32217781/

quote:

[Former Liverpool FC youth player] Adam Hammill today admitted attacking two women paramedics.

Hammill, 24, of Hall Road East, Bootle, pleaded guilty to two counts of assault when he appeared before Liverpool Magistrates Court earlier today.

The footballer, who is currently on loan to Championship team Huddersfield Town from Wolverhampton Wanderers, was arrested outside the Revolution bar, in Temple Court, Liverpool city centre, in the early hours of Sunday, October 7.

Amanda Haycock, prosecuting, said ambulance staff Sky Armstrong and Tracy Northey were called out because Hammill was unconscious. But when they tried to put him in a wheelchair he became aggressive.

Miss Haycock said: "He hit out, catching Miss Northey on the nose, spat blood at them and tried to bite them."

She said police officers called to the scene to help the paramedics heard Hammill verbally abuse them and they could smell alcohol on him.

She said: "Despite appearing extremely drunk he had a very strong grip and was difficult to restrain.

"With the help of colleagues who had arrived to assist he was placed in the rear of the ambulance as he needed medical treatment and officers were trying to dodge Mr Hammill's mouth as he to bite those around him."

Ugh. I'd hate to be that guy's defense attorney.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2012 05:55

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/fo...iley-hears.html

Ugh. I'm a little surprised this didn't blow up until now, actually.

# ¿ Jan 22, 2013 16:35

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Redundant posted:

This has got to lead to some pretty solid prison time right?? Right?? I admit I am kind of assuming it's all true but none of them seem to be denying things happened, just denying that they were a part of it. What a bunch of absolute dicks.

The defense hasn't presented their case yet, so it's hard to say what they're going to say in response.

# ¿ Jan 23, 2013 00:13

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

quote:

Leon knight ‏@leonknight1982 17 Dec
Light work

Why would that guy make such a picture available?

# ¿ Dec 18, 2013 15:01

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Koesj posted:

Ajax megaflop Quincy Promes was arrested two days ago for allegedly stabbing his uncle during a party last summer

His scoring rate hasn't been that bad, has it?

# ¿ Dec 25, 2020 04:06

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

A depressing number of Brazilian footballers were Bolsonaro supporters (including Alisson, Fabinho and Firmino).

I find it harder to think of the ones who really campaigned against him. Juninho is the only one I can think of with confidence. Dani Alves, maybe? He stayed kind of quiet during the actual elections, though.

# ¿ Dec 29, 2020 03:51

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Peng?

# ¿ Jan 13, 2021 18:51

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

African AIDS cum posted:

Lol all those norwegian skiers were juiced to the gills

Dude. At least track down the actual, non-photoshopped image.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2021 21:28

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Bape Culture posted:

We can�t speak Spanish ya daft oval office

An ex-Real Madrid player is under investigation for distributing child pornography.

That�s the extent of my Spanish.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2021 17:55

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Did they have fantasy draft parties in Europe before the pandemic? (I suppose you can't really do that with football, although I'm sure you could do a bunch of silly things during the transfer windows.)

Americans love their fantasy sports and we won't stop until we've brought that plague everywhere else.

# ¿ Feb 23, 2021 19:00

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

paddyboat posted:

I'm sure he just admires her fitness regime.

https://www.instagram.com/DilettaLeotta/

# ¿ Mar 1, 2021 20:39

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

sticksy posted:

Glad to see some women�s representation in the footballers go feral thread:

https://youtu.be/zD8AzQBBz3s

Hippy Crack Epidemic strikes down another promising English footballer, smh.

Was she a starter for Charlton?

I suppose I'm thrown off by her being able to afford a Range Rover given how little money is in women's football.

quote:

Interesting career pivot:

I guess this is now a totally normal outfit and pose for Gen Z people

https://fanbanter.co.uk/sacked-charlton-women-player-joins-onlyfans-after-leaked-snapchat-videos/

Seems like the usual "glamour model" stuff.

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 19:28

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

trem_two posted:

Wandavision!

# ¿ Mar 9, 2021 21:56

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

https://www.reuters.com/article/uk-sports-soccer-lichtsteiner/former-swiss-soccer-captain-retrains-as-a-watchmaker-idUSKBN2B60GX

This looks like the opposite of going feral, but Stephan Lichsteiner is training to become a watchmaker.

I have no idea who Maurice de Mauriac is. This seems like the kind of retirement I'd love to have, so I hope it works out for him.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2021 01:39

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

sticksy posted:

Since it�s indirectly related to football/crime, the Finance thread is long-dead, and it�s a slow news week:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-05-21/hunt-for-luna-the-money-chase-in-london-s-biggest-divorce-award

Are boats appreciating assets? This looks like a very expensive item to maintain and I imagine its value goes down as it ages. Just let her have it and concentrate on hiding other assets instead.

I'm not a boat guy so maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

# ¿ May 22, 2021 00:32

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

c0burn posted:

Owen having a boring sexting scandal is so on brand the little weirdo

Thirsty

Horny

# ¿ Jun 21, 2021 18:10

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Bacon Terrorist posted:

Unsubstantiated rumours on Whatsapp that Maitland Niles crashed his car on the M25 and it was full of booze and nitrous balloons

If he wasn't using them while driving, that just means he's a considerate party host.

# ¿ Jul 1, 2021 19:58

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Bape Culture posted:

Rojo has always been a oval office. I hope they shoot him.

Rojo has always been a what?!?!?

# ¿ Jul 21, 2021 14:43

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Jel Shaker posted:

wayne mooney

He�s just a gaming dad who wanted to make sure some young drunk girls got home.

# ¿ Jul 25, 2021 19:21

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

She's French and is just saying hello.

Is she the one who farted on him?

# ¿ Jul 27, 2021 00:34

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

I hope he doesn't get Rafa sick.

# ¿ Jul 28, 2021 18:43

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

ozmunkeh posted:

Lol gone

Can someone make this my av?

# ¿ Aug 5, 2021 20:44

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

https://twitter.com/matthewjbutler/status/1423366886377594884

# ¿ Aug 5, 2021 21:05

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Bape Culture posted:

I am not too fat to be Italian!!!

So you are fat?!?! lmao

# ¿ Aug 9, 2021 15:07

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

sticksy posted:

I read a very scientific white paper that jerking off can aid sleepiness.

However if you�re a football player, you must have at least one (1) teammate present for it to work.

On the other hand, going no fap makes you stronger and faster and gives you more endurance. It also helps your jaw look more manly.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2021 04:41

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

vyelkin posted:

i liked when we signed suarez while he was serving a ban in the netherlands for biting someone and then we were all shocked when he kept biting other people

It's amazing how many Liverpool Reddit fans still love the guy. He got into 2 more biting incidents just to get a move to Barcelona! There are better people to take to heart.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2021 14:44

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Reprisal posted:

just amazing

I think a Dr.�s professional evaluation after the last ban was �he will absolutely do this again� lol

in terms of lack of domesticity, Suarez may top the cake

I remember Ivanovic being a pretty good sport about it.

Someone already shared the Chelsea incident, but here's a compilation with all three biting incidents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XicHnfytRtg

He wanted to leave Ajax, so he bit a guy. (Liverpool really should have paid more for him given how good he was.) He wanted to leave Liverpool and Liverpool weren't as easy to push into a sale, so he bit two people. (Again, Barcelona got the guy at a relative bargain.)

And if you notice, Suarez magically stopped biting people after getting his dream move to Spain. I don't doubt the guy's a bit naturally unhinged, but I'm pretty sure he knew he could "let himself go wild" and get a ban to help push a club into unloading him.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2021 19:26

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Shrapnig posted:

I'm saying he was crazy, but he wasn't as crazy as everyone thought he was.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2021 19:42

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Mechafunkzilla posted:

He still bit Chiellini way after his move to Barca

Shrapnig posted:

Angling for a move away from Uruguay obviously.

He bit Chiellini in June 2014 during the World Cup. He didn't get his move to Barcelona until July 2014.

Up until the biting incident, FSG were going to do their usual hardball stance. Then he bit Chiellini and it was obvious that he was going to get a big match ban. I think he even got a 4 month match ban before the Liverpool/Barcelona deal was announced. Liverpool had to sell because they were basically stuck with a guy who obviously wanted out and couldn't play for a good part of the season.

Eric Cantonese fucked around with this message at 20:51 on Sep 28, 2021

# ¿ Sep 28, 2021 20:49

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

CyberPingu posted:

They won a pig

That qualifies as a trophy.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2021 15:56

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Gigi Galli posted:

Fabrizio Miccoli is now officially a convict after a court denied his final appeal yesterday. He reported to prison this morning and will serve 3 and half years for extortion involving the mafia. He�s already getting a break as this is normally a 7 year sentence.

The stupidest thing is that this is all over 12k euros; he paid some mafioso to go get some money back from a club owner in Palermo for someone else. Roundabout crime that I think in a lot of countries would just get off with a hefty fine if you�re rich like he is but since it�s Italy and the mafia is involved he was pretty much hosed from the beginning. It didn�t help that in a wiretap he insulted Giovanni Falcone, famous anti mafia prosecutor and judge who was brutally killed by the mob in the 90s with a roadside bomb.

https://www.gazzetta.it/Altri-Mondi/24-11-2021/fabrizio-miccoli-ex-palermo-si-presentato-carcere-rovigo-430123662224.shtml (in Italian)

drat it. Miccoli always seemed like a nice guy too. What a waste.

# ¿ Nov 29, 2021 21:40

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Bape Culture posted:

The statement from her dad is bizarre as gently caress.

I hope that dad is just in shock and unable to put his thoughts together better, but it's hard not to imagine that some army of lawyers, PR fixers, agents and general parasites are scheming around right now to try to resolve this situation in the most profit-preserving way possible. Mason Greenwood was on a pretty high trajectory that could have made a lot of people rich and it probably brought out the worst in a lot of people.

It's like a horrible Ray Donovan episode.

# ¿ Jan 30, 2022 19:25

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

At his best, how good was Goodwillie? If "footballing reasons" justify risking the very obvious PR risks, I'm thinking the guy had to have been like a striker with a 2 goals per game average or something exceptional like that.

Because if you went through this for some bog standard journeyman, that's even more despicable.

# ¿ Feb 4, 2022 17:34

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

trem_two posted:

https://twitter.com/GoalNews/status/1501509851347832832
he'd have wanted to not talk about that imo

Is he hiding out in Russia?

# ¿ Mar 9, 2022 19:26

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Crazy Ted posted:

wait was he the one who teed off on John Arne Riise?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8CkOw3zeK4

# ¿ Mar 22, 2022 03:58

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# ¿ May 1, 2024 04:35

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Did he rip a big fart after some speech the manager tried to make to inspire the players after a bad loss? I'm trying to get my head around that.

# ¿ May 10, 2022 17:05

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

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