Datasmurf posted:

My birhtday is on the 24th of October (the UN day), so in kindergarten, everyone always made a fuzz out of that day, and I thougth it was because of my birthday.

Slime posted:

One day we'll have this, I bet money on it. In the future we'll have cyborgs walking around with implants hooked up wirelessly to their smartphone, and one of the things we'll use it for is checking our piss levels.

Nekodoshi posted:

Today was my niece's 3rd birthday, and the whole day had been chock full of cuteness. She started her day singing in her bed about how she was three now, followed by sincerely thanking and kissing everyone who said "Happy birthday" to her.

She then got her cake with a single candle. When asked to make a wish, she leaned in, whispered "I love you little candle" then blew it out. She wished for pudding. When asked why, she said "it isnt a party without pudding!"

At some point I ended up being put in time-out. She told me she loved me, but that i didnt listen to her mommy (about going after the frosting on her cake), and that i had to go to my room for twenty minutes. The kid is a constant joy.

AngryRobotsInc posted:

Autistic, highly verbal son here too. One time coloring with him, I had this conversation.

Me: Here, why don't you use the orange crayon?
Him: *the most scathing look I've ever gotten* That's apricot.

Dripping with condescension, too.

Madra De Dhia posted:

For reference: I'm an American Expat working on obtaining my Irish citizenship, my husband is Irish, our 2 year old is Irish born. My husband cusses liberally under his breath even if he tries to be subtle about, which has resulted in our kid yelling "FECK OFF, Hoban!" at the dog, or "Come on t'gently caress, mum!" if I'm taking too long to get his tea ready.
Yesterday I was changing his nappy and the following exchange took place:

Him: That's my PENIS, mum!
Me: Yup, that's you're penis.
Him: (waving his fingers at me) These my HAND PENIS!


It is incredibly difficult to keep a straight face and correct him instead of laughing, to be quite honest.

pookel posted:

The non sequitur pieces of information are a regular occurrence around here, but this one struck me as particularly funny for some reason:

Me: OK, can you check if the water is the right temperature for your bath?
8yo: Cesium is very expensive. Did you know that it costs up to $22 a gram?

bringmyfishback posted:

She is the only girl who has the most complanate airport in the class.


Finals are next week, can you tell?

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

I wanted to share this (horribly racist?) unretouched piece from last year by everyone's favorite tits aficionado, Rihanna. Again, I haven't changed a thing:



If I have 1 million RMB to spend, I will buy everything I want. I’m so happy to be the owner!

First of all, I will go to the shopping mall to buy perfume for my mother and a business suit for my father. Just because I’m a sweet daughter and I’m nice. <3

Then I will go to the department store and buy a toy spider for my favorite teacher, Miss Fleta. I believe that she will fall in love with the cute spider. Just because I’m nice as I said.

Thirdly, I will go to the discount store to buy nothing! I just want to show my money to the salesman. Just because I’m rich! Everybody can suck it! (Yeah, come on~)

Finally, I will put the rest of my money into the bank. After I die, my children and grandchildren can use it and do nothing! (<--- it’s bad)

All in all, if you can dream it, you can do it! And we must work hard to make money that depends on ourselves.



I like to think she got to the end and was like, "oh, right, every story should have a moral or something."

tacodaemon posted:

Um excuse me but Mozambique's flag has a hoe crossed with an AK-47 on it

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Last one, I promise.

We had a parents' meeting today. Guess who was my translator? If you guessed "Rihanna," you win!

Since the parents didn't really want to talk to me, or the other foreign teacher, we just sat and chatted.



1. Rihanna has a secret power. If she stares at your boobs, they will get bigger! She offered to try it on her male classmates, all of whom responded, "I don't want that." There were also no takers among the office ladies. I asked her why she doesn't do it for herself, and she said it doesn't work like that. I suggested she stand in front of a mirror.

2. Rihanna does a good impression of our (female) principal. I asked her to say something and, in the principal's voice, she said, "i am a man! I can show you my penis." She whispered the last word.

3. RIHANNA: "Do you know the c-word?"
ME: "Uh, yeah. Do YOU know the c-word?"
RIHANNA: "Yes."
ME: "Okay, so what does it mean?"
RIHANNA: *looking away* "Something you can enjoy."
ME: "More specifically."
RIHANNA: "It's nice."
ME: "....?"
RIHANNA: "[Classmate] likes it."
ME: "..."
RIHANNA: "She eats it all the time. I don't like it!"
ME: "......................Oh, seaweed."


Right about then, a parent walked over with a question. When he left, Rihanna whispered, "Super awkward."

And, not related, but one of the worst boys in that class told me he really likes Bojack Horseman. I am proud.


Okay, that's it! Vacation time! :yay:

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

But Tom is stupid, so different rules.

Open Marriage Night posted:

No, he's right. Dabbing is for wax and similar things. You heat a metal piece and press the wax "dab" to it. What you're describing is just vaping with weed oil.

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Rihanna got really mad about the "Ethics for Chinese Students" incident last week and we talked about it for a long time, so I thought I'd send her this article by Eunice Park to give her another perspective on the fake university admissions industry.

She responded with this email:




Really makes up for the fact that I canceled the seniors' mini-archaeological excavation today because they were being dicks.

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

ME: "What's your last class of the day?"
JAYDEN: "Self-study."
RIHANNA: "I want to self-study biology." *big wink*

*after learning about trophic levels*
TOM: "A bear is at the top, right?"
ME: "Yes, I would say so."
TOM: "So if a bear eats another bear, what happens to its trophic level?"

LEA: "If your cat wears clothes, is that an adaptation?"

RIHANNA: "Hello."
LILY: "It's me."
KYLE: "HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!"

RIHANNA: "I don't want to adapt, I want to Adele."

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

FRANK: "What's a penis?"

cakesmith handyman posted:

Listening to my two kids argue the other morning my daughter (4) has a balloon she's pretending is the moon, son (7) isn't in the mood and is just arguing with her we hear this exchange:

S "The moon doesn't do that!"
D "The moon will do what I tell it!"

dupersaurus posted:

In English at least, toilet used to also refer to a room that evolved into the bathroom

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

MISS FLETA MISS FLETA MISS FLETA MISS FLETA um uh do you know Italy?

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

J: I CAN'T BELIEVE TODAY!

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

GOOD NEWS: another student put on sunglasses and is following me around school, announcing to everyone in a thick Russian accent, "Hello! I am security!"

oldpainless posted:

Krankenstyle posted:

Y el combinación: el booeno

burial posted:

It’s always fun when kids use fancy words, especially when they do so correctly.

My five year old daughter throws in dashes of that here and there.

“I assume dinner will be ready soon?”
“Apparently, my shoe is untied, Dada.”