Horrible Customers: The Retailing

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Horrible Customers: The Retailing

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

I hated customers so much I went back to school to get a degree and never deal with them again. I now make 10x more than anyone in retail and do about 1/12 of the work. also no customers.

I reccomended it OP

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 00:25

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:05

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

canyoneer posted:

*item didn't scan the first time*
:"That means it's free, right?"

*customer call gets routed through a phone menu, which states the store's hours for the day*
:"What time do you close today?"

*in a mall store, with a 6 square foot closet off the sales floor*
:"Can you check and see if there are any more of these in the back?"

:"Do you know if [competitor's store] carries that item you don't have?"
"I have no idea because this is just a job for me and I've never been there?"

*in a department store with 600 locations nationwide*
:"When will this go on sale?"
"Whenever our corporate overlords decide it will?"

*in a regular store, not a Turkish bazaar*
:"What's the best price you can give me on this"
*scans item* "$19.99 plus tax, like it says on the box."

I do all of these intentionally now

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 00:30

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Starman Super DX posted:

gently caress you I hope you die.

I would like to speak with your manager :twisted:

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 00:39

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

EnvyJ posted:

gently caress you we work retail because we're unmotivated with substance abuse problems

you can abuse a lot more substances with more money. you won't need to though as your job will be less stressful with out having to deal with pathetic broken retail managers.

*5 year KFC veteran*

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 00:41

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Starman Super DX posted:

Just saw this. I'm still in college and working on a degree so I can escape this madness. It just took me a lot of time to decide wtf to do with myself so I've been trapped in retail hell for... oh... nearly ten years.

*sobs silently to self*

buck up mate, there is an end in sight. keep at it!

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 00:44

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

The General posted:

Working at a comic book store, had just opened 10 min prior and this regular from out of town comes in to buy $52 worth of stuff with $100 bill.

Sorry man, I can't do that. I don't have the float for it. So he starts yelling at me and whatever. So I offer to call the boss, who then makes the guy all pouty and apologetic.

But seriously dude. Small stores don't carry huge stacks of cash. Maybe you should carry some 20s or something.

i worked midnight at a gas station and people would pull this poo poo all the time.
*pumps $6 worth of gas and comes in to pay with a $100 bill*
"sorry man this is all I got, I guess you'll have to give me the gas for free if you don't want it :smug:

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 01:56

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Ziv Zulander posted:

What type of gas station lets people refuel before paying?

Petro Canada

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 02:46

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

buglord posted:

this is from some old post I made in a A/T customers thread

Some middle aged lady, maybe mid 40s, comes in. Fair skinned woman with a blonde pixie cut. I'm in copy center because the usual worker called in. In fact, the store has been attempting to run with as few people as possible. So we're real busy, everyone's tied up with customers or whatever. Anyway, the lady comes up to me and asks to buy individual sheets of cardstock. Normally, this isn't a problem. We have all sorts of loose sheets for sale. But shes requesting a single sheet of a type that is pretty expensive and is sold in packs of 25. So I tell her no.

"Well cant you make an exception?" she asks. "Sorry, we don't use that paper enough in the print center, and its pretty expensive" I reply.

While im telling her this, I notice her hand is rested upon her upper chest. She becomes real quiet, and just stares at me. She removes her hand, and you can see the imprint because now her skin has flushed red. She lets out some sort of low wail that grows louder into a shrill scream. I look around; everyone's still busy. The store is loud with activity and no-one seemed to hear it. I look back at her. She lets go of some documents that she was holding, and uses her now free hands to pull hair from her head. The worst part is, she's actually pulling hair out. I notice little bits of hair falling to the counter. When she tires of pulling her hair out, she makes a fist with one of her hands and starts beating her own head. I'm dead silent and motionless because:

a) this doesn't feel real
b) this counter that separates us isnt high enough to prevent her from leaping over to me
c)it seems dangerous to interrupt this episode as its happening, especially for 8 dollars an hour.

Now that shes properly exhausted from pulling her hair and beating her head, the waterworks start and she begins sobbing. I quickly tell her that she can use the entire 25 page ream if she wants, no charge. With this sort of display, it's probably best to let the store lose 10 dollars or so instead of getting more people involved. We stay busy for a few more hours. When it slows down, I tell the managers what happened. They're initially upset that I let a customer walk out with a free ream of paper. But once I tell them the story, they become upset because they didn't get to witness it. (I had only worked there for a few months at that point, and still hadn't been jaded enough to enjoy customer suffering).

I have more stories of random crazies, but they were mostly dudes and gals who were innocuous and made their rounds without bothering customers or staff. I was 20 at the time, and that was my first real experience with adult mental breakdowns. To be fair(ish) to her, she explained afterwards that her ex-husband was trying to sue her, and she was on the verge of losing everything if she didn't get some paperwork handed in that day. Doesn't justify the meltdown, but I can sort of sympathize with the weight of the situation.

if she can't afford a pack of paper than what's the point of suing her

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 08:00

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

FactsAreUseless posted:

The exceptions are extremely high-profile rarities like Action Comics 1, which sell mostly because they're status symbols. Books aren't useful to rich people wanting to display wealth the way art and other collectables are.

rich people love rare books, they are just not they types of books sold at book stores. action comics 1 is chump change next to a Gutenberg Bible or a medieval manuscript or something. anything more than a century old

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 16:38

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

VideoTapir posted:

This is common in libraries, too.

Actually, the crazies are, too; though certain types tend not to assume you agree with them. They assume you're a jackbooted government thug, and of course you won't grant their every desire because I PAY YOUR SALARY.

(I was a volunteer, at the time.)

working at a public library is always great fun! you see the same sort of people lining up outside to get in at the crack of 9am that you would see in front of a liquor store in the morning. one time i saw a 60+ year old woman picking through the trash bin outside and eat something nondescript she pulled out :barf:

the patrons are much more polite than customers in retail though. mostly because they either just want a warm place to sit and read, or they are after a specific book which we let them have for free. unlike a retail store our "back room" is larger than the floor and contains many cool old rare things, which we won't even tell you about if you look sketchy

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 17:53

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Kelp Me! posted:

Some stand-up comedian did a bit about how he was at Barnes & Noble and asked where the registers were and the dude was like "why buy it? You can read it here in one of our super-comfy couches while you try the latest small-batch coffee we just got in!"

That has literally happened to me multiple times and it's one of the reasons B&N is my favorite store and I will be devastated when Amazon eventually pushes them out of the market (although now that Border's is gone I guess each industry needs at least brick-and-mortar chain?)

protip instead of going to barns and noble try a university library. they sell cheaper coffee and snacks, and the book selection is much better. you have to be a student to check the books out, but no one will stop you if you just go to read stuff off the shelves

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 18:29

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Kelp Me! posted:

Considering I was blazing in the basement literally every shift and often had to put a bowl down mid-toke to run up and deal with a manager-level issue, I'm frankly amazed that I only ever got called out for smelling like weed one time.

It was a month or so before I finally quit and was in full no-fucks mode (and if smoking pot in the basement daily was giving a gently caress you can imagine how over it I was at that point) and IIRC my response to "son, it stinks like mary jane in here" was something like :big dumb grin: "yeah it's pretty nice, isn't it? "

everyone notices you smell like weed, they just dont care

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 19:58

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

i think modern retail is set up to provide the experience of owning a slave for a short amount of time, like an oppression rental service. this way lowly otherwise unrespectable people can feel a bit of power every once in a while. i don't know how people will cope when automation replaces everyone. yelling at a robot won't make you feel better about your lovely life

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 20:24

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

canyoneer posted:

At that moment, a random old lady customer who has been watching the whole thing pulls a gun from her purse, points it at the guy with a knife, and orders him to drop it and to get on the ground. He did so, and allowed the huffing and puffing rent-a-cop to walk him upstairs while they waited for the real cops to show up.

God bless the second amendment :911:

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 23:11

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Arcsquad12 posted:

At this store there was also another man obsessed with Bananas, but he would only buy singles in bunches, which he demanded he get from the reduced racks. I actually caught him peeling off bananas from bunches and then demanding we bag them up to sell reduced, so I pulled over my manager, and boop, problem was pushed away because the guy was connected, and store owner bent the rules.

what kind of mobster is so broke they can't afford a normal bunch of bananas? i guess crime really doesn't pay

# ¿ Jun 13, 2017 23:29

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

COMRADES posted:

Also content:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uv7LwFPp3SY

i watched Misery for the first time literally last night, this video made me produce a hearty guffaw!

# ¿ Jun 14, 2017 03:24

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Ralph Hurley posted:

The part of the job I hated most was having to check people's bags and grab their attention as they entered the store. "Excuse me! Excuse me ma'am! I have to take your big floppy purse away from you and stash it behind the counter while you shop because you might steal art supplies." Most people were fine with this but there were always a few who had somehow never been in a store with a bag check policy before and acted shocked and outraged, believing they were just being set up to be robbed by me, the name tag wearing cashier.

that is a hosed up policy. did you operate in a really bad part of town or something? no way I would give my bag to some retail clerk. any store that tried to pull that poo poo on me I would turn around and take my business elseware.

if you can't trust me than why should I trust you?

# ¿ Jun 14, 2017 15:22

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Starman Super DX posted:

This made me smile. At least saying something witty in response makes you feel good enough about yourself that you can ignore whatever silly thing was initially said.

Also, the girl watching the front tonight came back to gave me cash and tells me that all of the crazies are up front tonight and not back here, apparently.

Someone inquired about "a device that pumps the air out of soda bottles" I don't even.

most of these "customer phrases" are just people trying to make a bit of small talk. its like talking about the weather

# ¿ Jun 15, 2017 03:32

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Gay Weed Dad posted:

Cool customer story:

I was walking the aisles and I asked a young lady if she needed assistance. As she spun around and I got an immense sense of "deja vu", and while she was replying it hit me like a ton of bricks that she was a porn star that I used to be quite fond of. I tried to keep it cool, but I am a huge putz so I am sure I radiated "I've jerked off to you an unspeakable amount of times"
When I explained the story to co-workers they said I should've told her that I was a fan but it struck me as a bit too seedy

you think the lady taking 5 dicks in her rear end daily is going to be offended by your meek appreciation?

# ¿ Jun 15, 2017 17:57

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

new phone who dis posted:

Even with all the lovely customers, the thing I hated most about those jobs is the corporate culture demanding everyone to be standing all the time. If I'm behind a counter ringing up poo poo I should be able to sit on a stool. Standing here for hours is loving stupid.

if you can lean you can clean

# ¿ Jun 16, 2017 00:06

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

canyoneer posted:

The difference between someone who is in-shape and someone who is out of shape is that an out of shape person's feet and legs are killing them after 2 or 3 hours, whereas an in-shape person is feeling it at the 7th hour of standing and walking around a concrete floor all day.

No matter what, it gets you.

pain only makes the after-work weed taste all the sweeter

# ¿ Jun 16, 2017 00:27

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

kazr posted:

When I worked retail pharmacy I got nearly spot on being able to tell if someone was going to be a pain in my rear end from 30 feet away. I was in the middle of helping somebody when I saw a dude, early twenties, undoubtedly going to be a huge jerk off beelining down an aisle, comes up to me and yells "I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM" while I'm mid sentence with the other person. We had to have someone enter a code for people to use the bathrooms to prevent theft since the store was in a bad area.

Dude comes out of the bathroom and interrupts again saying he needs to buy syringes for his insulin. We only sold by boxes of 100 instead of 5 packs since again, we're in a bad area and used heroin needles used to litter the parking. When I told him we only do boxes he had an absolute melt down and started screaming "SO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BREAK THE VIAL, USE THE BROKEN GLASS TO CUT MY WRIST OPEN AND POUR THE INSULIN IN THERE?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!" in front of a ton of people

Yep, exactly what I just said to you homie. Have a great day. Absolute gold

thats what happens when you go into the restroom and realize you ran out of heroin needles

# ¿ Jun 16, 2017 20:59

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Arven posted:

I've had people not believe me when I tell them I don't work there and threaten to get my manager.

i wish this would happen to me. it would be very cathartic to take out my years of retail frustration on an irate customer that has zero power over me

# ¿ Jun 17, 2017 14:37

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

du -hast posted:

Just finished reading through the whole thread and by far the funniest part is the shithead that came in here and implied that retail people are poor by choice and that you could always hand write bibles for a living instead.

the Lord helps those who help themselves

# ¿ Jun 17, 2017 16:02

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

JustinMorgan posted:

Or, you know, she could use the restroom in the front of the store. The one she literally walked past to get to the freezers.

if i was homeless i would poop all the time in freezers and generally be a nuisance to everyone. its not like you have anything to lose

# ¿ Jun 20, 2017 00:21

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Starman Super DX posted:

Maybe the thread title needs to be changed to "Horrible Customers: Rise of the Incontinence"

Or I dunno something funnier and poop related.

its GBS thread, the pants making GBS threads is already implied

# ¿ Jun 20, 2017 00:28

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

haljordan posted:

I mean if I had terrible explosive diarrhea I wouldn't want to mess up MY bathroom sooo sorry wage slaves

working at KFC one time a customer flushed a tampon down the toilet, and it clogged out grease trap in the basement. this caused a "soup" of poo poo/piss/rancid chicken grease to bubble up and flood the basement. we are talking ankle deep here.

i went down there with a shovel, a wet vac, mop and a bucket to clean it up. took me the better part of the day. you know what? it was my fondest memory of that place! for one shift i only had to deal with literal poo poo, and not the verbal poo poo that came out of the customers and managers. it was just me and the filth.

# ¿ Jun 20, 2017 04:18

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Cowslips Warren posted:

I don't know, you can pay for a lot of poo poo without needing cash.

How will people buy drugs?

# ¿ Jun 21, 2017 04:18

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Yawgmoth posted:

The number of old people who think that every cashier is working on commission and thus are profiting directly from higher prices is as as they are plentiful. Was that ever a thing?

i just think people like to complain about prices, but are carefully denied access to to the people that actually get to set the prices. i am sure they would complain to the corporate managers if they could, but they can't so the cashier gets an earful

# ¿ Jun 22, 2017 15:50

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Detective No. 27 posted:

I do wish they'd bring back New Coke in some form so I can try it. Call it Coke Jr or something.

its a clone of pepsi, just drink that

# ¿ Jun 27, 2017 04:05

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Nessa posted:

I once got a bad review for our store from a secret shopper She asked me for a movie that recently came out, I took her directly to it, handed it to her, went to the cash desk, rang her through and she was out the door in less than 5 minutes.

But she complained that I was rude to her because my voice wasn't cheerful enough or some nonsense.

i like that low end jobs are not only thankless and poorly paid, but you also have to live in an Orwellian dystopia for your shift. camera trained on you 100% of the time, and god knows who is watching it and for what purposes. and you can never trust anyone because secret police are always around the corner, ready to denounce you for daring not to smile.

# ¿ Jun 28, 2017 04:40

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

I always tip $3, doesn't matter the price of the food. no server ever does more than $3 worth of work for me so that's all they get

# ¿ Jun 30, 2017 17:42

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

canyoneer posted:

https://twitter.com/BeerCellarExe/status/867683766042546177

most of that card is white

# ¿ Jun 30, 2017 21:08

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Starman Super DX posted:

One guy we caught recently came in, didn't buy anything, and then went outside to sit on a bench directly outside the dep. My coworker who was on at the time waited for him to leave, and then stepped outside to take a very brief peak into his bag and oh what a surprise it's the 1.5L bottle of wine that only JUST went missing from the shelf! Weird...

it's like half of what my department does is security detail. the minute someone odd looking comes through the door my manager points them out and starts watching them closely.

this is why i always shop lift in a business suit

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 03:53

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

spite house posted:

They're like the people who jeer about retail being the easiest job on the planet

Anyone that thinks that isn't very observant. the lowest paying lovely jobs are always the hardest. the more you make the easier the job

# ¿ Jul 7, 2017 18:43

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Pththya-lyi posted:

It's also confusing - when you hit a kid for hitting his sister, the lesson he'll probably take from it is "It's okay to hit someone as long as you don't get caught."

No the lesson is "the people in authority can use violence on me if I act out". this is a good lesson to learn, because it is still true as an adult

# ¿ Jul 27, 2017 07:28

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

spacetoaster posted:

Sounds good. Now scan these coupons for me.

lol, who said vote republican? What kind of retard hears "get an education" and turns it into "vote republican".

Talking about the crab thing too. lol

once I started making adult money I stopped being an angry communist and started voting for people that promise to lower taxes and cut welfare. it's a stereotype but it's amazing how accurate it is!

I'm also a lot happier in life, accomplishing things great fun. I reccomended it to everyone

# ¿ Jul 31, 2017 17:05

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Azuth0667 posted:

This is one of the shittiest poo poo advices. Moving costs a fuckload of money which is something retail employees don't have.

$60 will buy you a bus ticket almost anywhere

# ¿ Jul 31, 2017 17:15

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

Azuth0667 posted:

You forgot some things:

Security deposit,
Key money,
Application fee,
Cost to move your stuff or acquire stuff,
Deposits for utilities if you have no/bad credit,
First months rent before you're on payroll,
Enough savings to get by for 4-6 weeks without pay,
Work materials.

Aren't you from academia too? You shouldn't be this dumb.

Just live in a homeless shelter until you get your first pay cheque. also it doesn't cost anything to bring a backpack of stuff. lol if you own material possessions that won't fit into a backpack

# ¿ Jul 31, 2017 17:51

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 17:05

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

seriously though, you can move for better work. people have been doing that for hundreds of years in america, and they didn't have much more than the clothes on their back when they moved. if you can't sacrifice a few comforts temporarily to better your station in life maybe retail is the right place for you

# ¿ Jul 31, 2017 19:43

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