Ape ESCapril Chat (real, verified): posting your favorite gaming 9/11

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Ape ESCapril Chat (real, verified): posting your favorite gaming 9/11

HARDEST kong to ESCAPE from This poll is closed.
Donkey Kong	8	4.88%
Diddy Kong	3	1.83%
Dixie Kong	8	4.88%
Funky Kong	49	29.88%
Chunky Kong	8	4.88%
Bluster Kong	5	3.05%
Lanky Kong (demanded by Cheetah)	53	32.32%
Max Castillo	6	3.66%
Billy Mitchell	18	10.98%
Steve Wiebe	6	3.66%
Total:	164 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

pics of some of the games in the OP:

# ¿ Apr 1, 2023 00:23

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# ¿ May 19, 2024 09:37

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Assepoester posted:

This is some Cortex Command level of 2D physics jank and it looks great

i played the demo two (!) years ago and it was neat, i love the Rare-esque 16-bit pre-rendered look. it's a civilian rescue action game called Moons of Darsalon

# ¿ Apr 1, 2023 00:34

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

yea the only non-Steam game I could remember at the time was Advance Wars

# ¿ Apr 1, 2023 16:55

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

my game playing slowed down the past week for very obvious personal reasons, but i did play through terra nil, i've been playing Picross S Sega on the switch when i go to bed, and today i picked up the Marsupilami game for the first time and it's fun. i will also try the smurfs game if i can survive the theme song i have never liked even since youth

# ¿ Apr 2, 2023 00:45

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

It also has only 800 daily active users at this point, most of which I imagine are Dream creators making and liking each others' works

# ¿ Apr 11, 2023 17:40

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

BurningBeard posted:

Games like Dreams are always going to be doomed to fail because most people don�t want to accept the fact that creating anything is a long-term process, hard, will expose your own incompetence at every stage, and can�t be meaningfully circumvented. Like you can give people the best tools and it won�t matter because people have to have the mindset that imperfect is fine, creating is hard, blah blah blah.

the creating part isn't the issue, as has been mentioned, there's been a lot of amazing creations made in Dreams. the problem is that the userbase is ONLY creators, because Sony never thought to make a free Dream Player that could run people's Dreams. instead there was a demo that cycled through a curated 'rotating' list of mostly Mm dreams. really loving stupid

the game had 2 million registered users (not amazing but an OK amount of sales for what is a difficult pitch), but only 800 active users as of this month. it's just the creators, making stuff that is only seen and played by other creators, so nothing gets the visibility it needs

i remember when Mm said they were considering allowing people to charge for their creations. lol. everyone would've gotten maybe 5 cents out of it had that been instituted

# ¿ Apr 12, 2023 06:19

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

this month is full of bangers

4th best OC score of the year if that holds

# ¿ Apr 14, 2023 04:57

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

https://store.steampowered.com/app/2280000/SQUARE_ENIX_AI_Tech_Preview_THE_PORTOPIA_SERIAL_MURDER_CASE/

this is.. not how I was expecting one of the most influential NES games of all time to be localized

but I'm fine with this, especially for free

The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 06:46 on Apr 23, 2023

# ¿ Apr 23, 2023 06:41

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

I said come in! posted:

That's because there is an almost 110% chance Square data mines your entire PC through this app and then sells the data.

not sure what data they'd harvest in the game itself, they specifically disabled the chatGPT element and it's purely for interpreting parser commands to find a closest equivalent to what the game accepts, so that you don't need to know the specific esoteric commands the game wants of you like a lot of early text adventures did. it's just an NPL showcase

if you're just saying they'll put a keylogger rootkit or w/e on your pc, couldn't they literally do that with any of their games if they wanted to

# ¿ Apr 23, 2023 16:07

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

the Portopia NLP showcase is going well

# ¿ Apr 23, 2023 18:57

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

If you type 'gently caress you' twice into You Don't Know Jack gibberish question answers, the host gets furious and ragequits

# ¿ Apr 23, 2023 19:08

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Jay Rust posted:

Maybe i'm the weird one but i have never and will never buy merch (my parents did buy me cool Sonic shorts and space jam t-shirts when i was a kid but that was beyond my control)

i buy yetee shirts and that's about the extent of my fandomness

my walls are bare and plain (i would not be able to film Youtube video essays with such lack of decor, certainly)

# ¿ Apr 25, 2023 16:26

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

if i got figurines for my desk i would not get funkopops. i also wouldnt get nendoroids since the nendoroid company is an investor in 4chan. i would i guess just buy some tiny lego sets maybe, idk

# ¿ Apr 25, 2023 17:41

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Khanstant posted:

Why hasn't the googly eye corporation made a line of vinyl objects with googly eyes for eyes?

because the idea of funko pops is they're supposed to look like those 90s popsicles that had the bubblegum eyes. that's why they're called pops

googly eyes are sold in such a way that you can just slap them on anything already, and they already come in a bunch of different sizes

# ¿ Apr 25, 2023 19:20

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Looper posted:

i thought it was because they draw from pop culture... they look nothing like popsicles.....??

maybe a double meaning? they're definitely trying to do the bubblegum eyes from popsicles though, they're spaced identically

i refuse any other origin

e: i also have an irrational hatred of bubblegum eye popsicles going back to the days of buying them from the ice cream truck and always being disappointed

The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 19:28 on Apr 25, 2023

# ¿ Apr 25, 2023 19:25

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

honkai uses anticheat so it won't run on steamOS -_-

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 05:40

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

i didnt spend anything on genshin and i won't here. but i guess i'll just have to wait until there's a proper solution to running it through steamOS because i'm not putting win11 on the deck

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 06:31

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

hey firstaidkite, you ever comin' back to the thread

your last post still makes it look like you died

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 16:15

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

TheWorldsaStage posted:

They never posted again??

nope

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 16:19

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

yea i know he's not dead i was just wondering if FAK decided not to come back to SA

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 16:24

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

I said come in! posted:

Playing Panzer Paladin right now, and a few levels in so far, and this seems like a solid action platformer! I enjoy the NES style graphics, but wish your character had more fast paced movement.

yeah it's solid. one of that dev's most consistently high quality games, in a catalog full of Mostly Positives

# ¿ Apr 26, 2023 21:25

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

if the UK is known for something, it's being shown how bad going in a certain direction will be for their economy, and then, realizing the error of their ways

# ¿ Apr 27, 2023 16:57

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

current mood

# ¿ Apr 27, 2023 18:56

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

# ¿ Apr 27, 2023 20:11

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Infinitum posted:

Saw that it looks like a lot of fun, but because of gacha yall know the end game means the freebie characters are worthless.

at least for now they've been perfectly fine. it's the 4th slot that's been useless to me at the moment because it's been Asta who is only good for the fire element. i'll need a healer at some point

but the starting 3 i might keep in my party the whole way. i am not lured by gacha tricks

i stopped at the underground town for now

# ¿ Apr 27, 2023 21:26

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

The patriarchy is bad and that�s why I�ve written an article about Legoshi from Beastars being taught a lesson (shrinking)

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 00:46

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

*the hypno gas seeps into the room*

Gumshoe: hey! what�s this, pal?!

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 00:51

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

hatty posted:

Maybe they'll make a new Mega Man game one day

mega man 11 was fun

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 02:05

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

homeless snail posted:

just about done with the first planet in star rail and I'm prepared to say, this is a better star ocean game than, well okay any of the star oceans

yeah star ocean is where I landed in my post in the steam thread, it's star ocean with an actual budget

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 03:53

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

these waypoint moments seem like singular disconnected points in time and not necessarily a pattern of malicious behavior, especially considering the person who wrote the RSC article left like 6-7 years ago

its reasons to criticize them and tell them what they did was harmful, so i'm not like, really disagreeing that strongly. but i'm still fine with people amplifying the good pieces they ran. maybe it's because these bad articles are easier to pin on two people, the writer and the EiC who let it run, rather than the entire site. like the idiot that wrote the harry potter porn article for Kotaku

i'm still gonna laugh at the playful sexuality tweet which i think austin walker deleted. can't take that from me

e: i don't have all my thoughts fully formed on this subject yet but given how many sites have freelance/guest writers, games journalism feels a lot more individualized despite the big bannerheads. it's always a big deal when a writer leaves one site and goes to another for example. or when a group of writers get laid off. that's why whenever ppl would respond to an article on kotaku with "TYPICAL KOTAKU" i'd think 'what is typical kotaku', because their lineup of writers and even editors changes frequently. the dumbass who wrote that cis people couldn't find bayonetta attractive for example wasn't at kotaku a year prior to writing that article. so i guess that's why i don't mind people sharing cool articles from waypoint because a number of them likely were guest spots or freelanced or from people who left years ago or w/e

The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 17:02 on Apr 28, 2023

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 16:52

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

hatty posted:

Was it a Waypoint person that said it was impossible for cis men to be attracted to Bayonetta?

they've written all over. paste magazine, GQ, Vice, kotaku, polygon. idk if it's just the reality of the business but like a lot of these writers are practically free agents switching teams every year like Ryan Fitzpatrick

Saint Freak posted:

Is Waypoint the one that posted Harry Potter child pornography?

Kotaku, that person was soon shunned and also lost their job on the visual novel they were working on

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 16:57

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Hwurmp posted:

Is Waypoint the one that destroyed the World Trade Center?

no that was Mandy from Billy & Mandy

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 16:59

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

kotaku once ran an article in the early 2010s about a guy bragging that he had sex with a woman in his Sonic racecar bed

it was the only article he ever wrote and he was just some guy trying to get a lovely cartoon funded on Kickstarter

i pin these things primarily on article writer, and editor in chief that isn't paying enough attention. although in the Sonic bed case I want to award the EIC a medal for running it

e: except for the Nathalie Lawhead stuff because it was psychotic of so many people around games journalism to circle the wagons around Cecilia. that's one instance where it goes beyond just a person doing something really stupid and is actually indicative of major problems within the field

The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 17:13 on Apr 28, 2023

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 17:11

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Sonic fans sometimes have a notorious reputation among the general internet populace that we're terribly annoying, way too demanding, and that we have an unwarranted sense of entitlement. As a fan, I can boldly proclaim that while all of that is 100 percent factual (in an opinion kind of way), I can also say that I'm the only Sonic fan, nay, the only gamer to get a girl to sleep with me upon a bed of Sonic.

I moved out of my parent's house at the ripe age of 20, and let me tell you something, it was the best move I've ever made. At home I had rules and regulations on how I was to enjoy myself (bringing girls to my room was a big no-no) so I did the only logical thing and hit the road. At my new place I was a free man, a man who was free to decorate his room the way he felt a man-cave should look: covered from head to toe in Sonic the Hedgehog memorabilia. Action figures still in their packaging lined the walls, a poster of Eddie Lebron's live-action fan film starring Jaleel White in the kitchen, and the cream of the crop � a giant Sonic the Hedgehog throw blanket with matching pillow cases on my bed.

Now, one might take a look at such an apartment and immediately declare "this guy will never get laid," As a self-proclaimed ladies-man, I made it my job to disprove such a theory. I believe that any guy can land any kind of girl if he's both confident and true to himself, so when I found acting like a fool wasn't working, I decided it was time for change. I tried online dating, checked out a few girls, and got checked out myself. One girl in particular was cute, funny, smart, and most-notable-in-the-context-of-this-article, wasn't a nerd at all. Another thing that caught my eye � she had never dated a nerd before.

We met up at the local Starbucks where we got to know each other over some coffee, nothing big. There was definitely a mutual attraction going on, mostly because neither of us made the "date" out to be more than it was. I treated her like I would treat any of my friends, which made her feel really comfortable. She thought it was cool how I just did my own thing, and she was really interested in my comedy. I was confident about myself, and she instantly dug that.

I invited her over my apartment, and of course she wanted to see my bedroom. She broke out into hysterical laughter at my over-the-top Sonic the Hedgehog room, and I will admit I was a little embarrassed at first, but she was totally into it. She thought it was endearing, in a way. We then had sex on the fabled Sonic the Hedgehog blanket, and it was good.

Trust me, she wasn't the only one to enjoy His Royal Kailness upon such luxuries. In fact, there were many others (which you can read about in my book Slacker's Paradise). The truth is, if you're a nerd, geek, gamer, lamer, whatever � you can get the girl. Interests don't matter much in the end, the best way to get a girl interested is to be confident in yourself, don't try so hard, and make sure they feel comfortable. Remember my golden rule � A.B.C, Always Be Closing.

My next goal is to decorate my room in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic memorabilia and see if my girlfriend doesn't make me sleep in the yard for a week. Once you get tied down everything starts looking more and more like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

Kris Kail is a comedian, life-long gamer, and author of the book "Slacker's Paradise � The Collective Writings of an Internet Radio Host". You can find him on Twitter under the name @DudeGurlz and you can read about all of his wacky antics at Kail's Big Time Burger Joint.

[Editor's Note: We've taken some heat for this story. Some didn't find it funny. To that I expect condemnation only for our taste. But to those who feel the story supported a view that our readers are all straight, male gamers, I do apologize. I should have caught that in the editing process of what was intended to be a light, humorous story. No article on this site should make you feel that you don't count as a gamer. If this article made you feel that way, I apologize. That's not on Kris, who was simply trying to entertain our readers. That's on me. -Stephen Totilo, Editor-in-Chief, Kotaku.com ]

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 17:16