Tony Phillips posted:

mdemone posted:

Poque posted:

Tony Phillips posted:

Bandire posted:

Over the weekend, Adrian suffered a traumatic head injury.

Although Mr. Beltre insisted he was fine, he is currently in intensive care awaiting emergency surgery.

Foul play was the cause of the injury, and a suspect is currently in custody.

Leon (pictured) is the prime suspect in the attack due to the fact that this rear end in a top hat did the exact same thing a year ago.

Kevlar v2.0 posted:

Tired: Jose Altuve Jokes
Wired: Jose Altuve

Bregor posted:

5. Pick up Yan Gomes team option

bees x1000 posted:

My hopes for next season are in the basement, digging out a second basement.

Some Numbers posted:

Time for Ohtani to become a Seattle Mariner

Sydin posted:

lol, lmao

Some Numbers posted:

Time for Ohtani to become a Seattle Mariner

Poque posted:

Good.

Sydin posted:

Yeah I sure am looking forward to yet another year of young rookies with upside riding the pine so loving losers like Eric Hosmer and Drew Smyly can take reps away from them!

fake e. the pen being absolutely toast contributed heavily to the September collapse, meanwhile Hoyer called up Luke Little on the 6th, and in the 26 days he was up with the Cubs Ross had him throw 6.2 IP. 2.2 of which were the last two days after the season basically didn't matter. In that time he gave up no runs and struck out 12, but hey why actually use the young fireballing lefty your FO just handed you with the pen short when you could instead run Cuas out 923450297853208940923840923 times and give saves to the corpse of a splitter-less Mark Leiter Jr.?

Can't wait for Mervis slashing .500/.800/.2000 for a full year in Iowa next year while the Cubs give all their 1B starts to Patrick Wisdom and some dogshit veteran who's so old and washed they need to Weekend at Bernie's his mummified body up to the batters box.

FlamingLiberal posted:

Unfortunately for Cubs fans it’s an election year, and the Ricketts need to take the money for Bellinger and put it into a Trump PAC

tadashi posted:

The front office needs to "Carlos Pena" some veterans, if you know what I mean.

Intruder posted:

Why pay a lot of money for one really good player when you could use the same money to get 4 mediocre players

STAC Goat posted:

In time I will miss my barely above 500 team during a long cold winter of listening to people scream about firing everyone and trading everyone for a bag of balls and why didn’t they just trade for the best players in baseball easy peasy?

But today I feel some comfort I don’t have a game to watch tomorrow.

Intruder posted:

Why pay a lot of money for one really good player when you could use the same money pocket half that money and get 4 mediocre players

tadashi posted:

The front office needs to "Carlos Pena" some veterans, if you know what I mean.

FlamingLiberal posted:

Unfortunately for Cubs fans it’s an election year, and the Ricketts need to take the money for Bellinger and put it into a Trump PAC

IcePhoenix posted:

https://twitter.com/PitchingNinja/status/1708574279137198241

mdemone posted:

And with that, I present the first installment:

The Season From Hell
Or, How the Los Angeles Angels are the Worst Team in Pro Sports: a 2023 Retrospective

It begins, as it will end, with Anthony Rendon.

March had been relatively mild after all, with only two starting position players lost to injury, and a starting pitcher lost with a torn UCL. You expect these things. In fact you come to cherish them, as one cherishes loved ones who have passed away, through this earthly organization and into a promised land where they can be injured no more.

On the 37th day of Lent by the Christian calendar of the year of our Lord 2023, a fan cursed at a baseball player on the opposing team. This would have passed for normality on any other day, but this was not just any other day, and it was not just any season -- it was the day upon which a man, and a franchise, discovered their true path, indeed their very destiny.

Part 1: Whomsoever Striketh Thee Upon the Cheek

Listen, I don't care whether you have a lot of guaranteed money coming your way. If you're a professional baseball player, you have been heckled and even verbally assaulted by opposing fans. That's part of the game. You want to show them up, then go get a couple bases and maybe an RBI. Flip them the bird when you're dusting off your uniform. Literally do almost anything but that. You can't touch the audience, you moron. Also, not for nothing, but it's batting practice, yeah? We're talking about practice. If Bart Giamatti were alive he would have had your rear end for breakfast.

Meanwhile, Hunter Renfroe can't hit the broad side of a barn, and the bullpen is godawful. Anthony Rendon is suspended for five games and then rises again on Easter weekend 2023 like the Antichrist, and then poo poo really goes sideways for the Angels.

mdemone posted:

Part 2: His Disciples

We have not yet named him, nor is there any need to. In any case, he is not the subject of our story. He is the context itself. He is the world in which this sad drama plays out.

Shortly after Easter 2023, his first disciple is called forth from the first round: shortstop Zach Neto, he of the dripping eyeblack. A gamer of the highest order, he immediately goes 0 for his first 20 at-bats.

His second disciple, a catcher named Logan O'Hoppe and called forth from the Philadelphia Phillies, had already shown himself to be a favorite of all pitchers, prized among the men of the battery. Upon the arrival of the first disciple, he immediately swings at a ball so hard that his own shoulder does tear itself apart.

His third disciple, a first among firsts, centerfielder Mickey Moniak, who did bring to mind a similar name from ancient times. Brought forth as a shining hero, his ascension presages a blow to the Adversary, who was relegated to the injured list on May 15 in the year 2023. Mickey begins to distinguish himself on base and in the field, rather ominously.

His fourth disciple, a flamethrower from the Volunteer State, called forth from the third round, appears in five games before being ruled out for the season because Ben hath thrown the ball Too Hard and his arm hath Come Off.

(The Adversary is re-activated on June 6 and placed on the injured list again less than two weeks later, for unclear reasons. Which does happen, I guess.)

His fifth disciple, bearing the highest batting average on the team while being a prized defender and a five-tool threat, falls awkwardly over first base and breaks his pelvis. As a 31-year-old man in his prime. Just falls loving weird and well, that's it.

(The Adversary fouls a ball off his shin and leaves the game. Let's take a moment here to consider the carnage thus far. This document does not even include the plights of men like Brandon Drury, or Jake Lamb, or Jared Walsh, or Jo Adell, or Jose Suarez, or Jose Quijada. All gone, lost like dust in the Santa Ana wind.)

The first disciple throws a ball and does tear his oblique. This presages events to come. It is not yet July.

Kevlar v2.0 posted:

https://twitter.com/MLBBruceLevine/status/1708532825253634099

FlamingLiberal posted:

Unfortunately for Cubs fans it’s an election year, and the Ricketts need to take the money for Bellinger and put it into a Trump PAC

Charlz Guybon posted:

Speaking of the knuckleball, one of my favorite pitcher's to watch when I was young just passed away.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/sports...-185219597.html